15x12 - American Data?

[bunniefuu]

Whoa!
Check out that pair!

That guy has even bigger ones!

Good eye, Barry.

Those are the best calves
we've seen all day.

Just think, after we get
our calf implants

from Dr. Kalgary,

we'll be the ones admired by
all the school boys in the park.

Oh!
It's : !

We better get to the Big Bush
if we want to avoid the rush.

Ah, the Big Bush.

Full of cigarettes and money

we don't want
our parents to know about.

And p*rn.

Good morning, gentlemen.
Are you here to make a deposit?

Au contraire, Lil' Pete.

Today we're pullin' out.

We've been saving our money
for a year

to get calf implants together...
hey!

There's only $ here!

Because Steven Smith withdrew
$ last week.

You what?!

I'm sorry!

I didn't know how to tell you.

But there was a sale
on Fjallraven backpacks.

I was powerless!

I mean, look how cool it is!

Wait, you're wearing it now?

Yeah, duh, look.

It's made from the scrotum of a duck.

See, Toshi likes it.

♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪

♪ I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪

♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪

♪ And he's shinin' a salute
to the American race ♪

♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪

♪ Good... ♪
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪

Aah!

♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪

How could you, Steve?

We were supposed to get
perfect calves as a group!

Listen, I know what I did
was kind of selfish.

But I figured out how to
make some fast cash

so we can still get
our calf implants.

The "Help Wanted" section of the
paper is an untapped gold mine.

Pachanga Morongo!

We got a winner!

"Human Crash Test Dummy."

Sounds like a blast!
I'm in!

Sounds dangerous.

Oh, less crashy more rashy.

"Penis Cream Tester Wanted."

Cream is delicious!
I'm in!

How 'bout this one?

"Man Stares At You."

For bucks an hour?

Anything that easy
must be a sex thing.

That's been my experience!
I'm in!

Finger blast!

Psychology experiment pays $

for a weekend!

And it's at our school!

It's only $ , Steve.

We'd all have to do it
to make up for your mistake.

Hey, we're friends.

And as a sign of good faith,

you can each store
one item in my backpack.

It has to be really small though.

Cool, let me put in
this Tungsten molecule.

Whoa, Tungsten?

That's, uh, quite
a few protons, Barry.

Can't blame a guy for trying.

I have news about the C.I.A.'s
long-time groundskeeper,

Billy Kloops.

Kloopsy?
That guy's amazing.

Let me guess, he got laid?
Yes, Stan.

He did get laid.
To rest.

Low five!

It turns out
Kloops had no living relatives.

And since you're the only one
who seems to know who he was,

I guess it's up to you to throw
out his one worldly possession.

In other news,
our air conditioner repairman

Denny Kergill did get laid!

And it was epic!

Anyone who wants to hear the
details, meet me in my office!

[ Cheering ]

Man: Wait for me, wait for me!

[ Leaf blower whirring ]

The ad said the experiment
started here

in the big red circle.

Now we're just waiting for
Dr. F. Lance Shoeman.

[ Door opens ]

Hi.

I suppose I could have chosen
a closer door.

Dammit, Roger.

But we need the money.

Hello.

Hi.

Hi.

I'm Professor F. Lance Shoeman
and as a scientist,

the most important thing to me
is data... dadda?

Doida?
Data?

Please hold your questions.

This is a prison experiment.

Half of you will be prisoners,
half of you will be guards.

And we're going to fill binders
on top of binders with derda

about how your roles at the prison

affect how you treat each other.

Guys, we're in this together,
so let's take care of each other

no matter
if we're guards or prisoners.

Let's divide you up.

You're a guard.

Guard.

Oh, man, looks like
we got to be the inmates.

Guard.
Definitely.

Then I'm the only...

Geeeeyard!

sh*t. Need more people.

Okay. So we know we have
our guards over here,

which means over here we have
our guard, guard, guard.

Dammit!

Okay, this time I'm just gonna
alternate words

so there are no mistakes.

Guard, guard, guard, guard,
guard, guard, guard.

[ Screams ]

Okay, we did it.

Prisoners.
Guards.

In our prison, this gym is the yard,

the locker rooms are the cells,

and the equipment room
is the equipment room.

Just stay out of there.

There's nothing in there
but a parachute,

a stack of cones,
some floor hockey sticks,

bunch of loose flag football belts...

Dammit, now I want to go in there!

No, no, you have an experiment!

Aaand go!

Make data for my binders!

I guess we should get
the inmates to their cells.

Number Three, get to your cell.

Okay, buddy.

I'm not your buddy, pal.

I don't understand.

Number Three, down on all fours!

Mount your horsey, Number One!

I do not like thiiiis.

Neigh, Number Three!

Neigh like a horsey!

Neeeeeigh.

Wow, this is escalating quickly.

Good data. Good data.

Wish I had a pen
and not a green plastic soldier.

Honey, I've been meaning to
ask you, what's with the blower?

He's in mourning!

Kloops d*ed.

What's a Kloops?

Kloops was a man, Hayley.

A man who your father
was very close with.

Yeah, well, I want to get right
close to those mashed potatoes.

Hook me up.

Aah!

Geez, Hayley, save some
for the rest of us!

People say it sucks to be
in prison, but I think it's fun.

I'm gonna make Billy
and Tuttle kiss again.

B-b-b-bad news!

You were so hard on
the prisoners they all quit.

Buuut, g-g-good news!

Massive upgrade on the prisoner front

because it turns out
you can rent real prisoners

as long as you keep an eye on 'em

and promise they won't get out.

Which is perfect
because you guys are guards.

Meet Fang, Bonesaw, and Nathaniel.

Experiment, back on!

You're mine now!

Get ready to slide!

[ Grunts ]
- [ Yelps ]

This is incredible.

The prisoners have seized power
from the guards.

[ Fang grunts ]

How did this happen?

Yesterday we were fake guards
and now we're real prisoners!

Maybe this is part of the experiment.

Barry's right!

I know a few things
about F. Lance Shoeman,

and there's no way he lost
control of the experiment.

[ Door slams ]

I've lost control of the experiment!

And what's worse,
I lost control of my binders.

We're in charge now.

And we're gonna drag
this experiment out

till the first day of school.

But we'll miss
the prison talent show!

Uh, yeah.

And all the bad food
and the cold showers

and all that darn smoking
we have to do to look tough.

[ Leaf blower whirring ]

♪♪

♪♪

Stan, I know
Kloops meant a lot to you.

But you have to talk about this.

If it festers inside you'll...

Damn, my mouth got real big!

I can't watch you do this
anymore, Stan!

You're pushing us away!

[ Screams ]

[ Groans ]

Barry hungry.

Barry hasn't eaten
in almost half an hour.

This is inhumane!

Hey, we need some food!

Our friend's about to die!

This is Dr. Shoeman now!

I need my binders to record
this boy's death!

Oh, God!

Stick with us, son.

The binders are coming.

Shut up in here!

H-He needs food!

We all demand food and binders!

Oh, so everyone's standing up to me

except four-eyes over there.

Steve, stand with us!

♪ Sometimes my hearing goes away ♪

♪ I can't hear what my friends say ♪

What are you doing?

♪ And one of those times is today ♪

Oh, we got a little Song Bird here!

Guys, I know everyone's bummed

we're missing the prison talent show.

But fear not!

I brought a little Song Bird!

I thought I was your Song Bird!

Why would you think that?

[ Off-key ] ♪ You... ♪

Wow!
Look at this pantry!

They've got San Marzanos,
mozzarella, white truffles?

Lunch lady been holding out on us!

You can cook, Song Bird?

I'm sick of all these meat Popsicles.

Those are frozen Salisbury steaks.

You're supposed to heat them
in the oven.

Oh, Jiro dreams of sushi over here!

The kitchen is yours, Song Bird.

♪ Bop-do-dat-do-dit, do-dit-bopbona ♪

♪ Bada-bo-bop-do-da-do-do-doh ♪

♪ Buona sera, signorina, buona sera ♪

♪ It is time to say
goodnight to Napoli ♪

♪ Though it's hard for us
to whisper buona sera ♪

♪ With that old moon
above the Mediterranean Sea ♪

Sorry we didn't save you any, Steve.

Oh, I'm good.
I ate with Fang and the guys.

"The guys"?

What are they, your best friends now?

Maybe you should go get
calf implants with them.

What? No.

They have great calves already.

Uh, look, I'm, um, trying
to get on their good side

so I can get us all out of here.

Uh...

Whoa, is Dr. Shoeman okay?

You got anyone waiting
for you on the outside?

I got a sweet little lady.

Okay, uh, you rest up, buddy.

There's a little pocket
on the inside for papers

that you don't know
where they go yet.

I'm sorry, I have a really
clear memory of you

dying in an escalator accident.

Doesn't sound like something I'd do.

So, how can I help you this morning?

[ Leaf blower whirring ]

It's Stan.

Ever since Kloops d*ed,
he won't say a word

and he won't take that blower off.

Yes. I see.

Classic seven stages of blowing.

I have an idea.

Stan, I understand that
you don't want to talk.

Do you mind if I have a word
with your blower?

Hiiii.
How are yooooou?

Stan saaaaad.

[ Gasps ] He's still in there.

I'd be bored if I weren't so hungry.

I wonder what's taking Steve so long.

I hope he's okay.

Steve: Please, don't! Please!

I can't handle it!

You're killin' me!

Barry, get over here.

"The last time I went
to my doctor's butt,

I had to take off all my boobs."

[ Laughter ]

Please!

These Mad Libs are too funny!

[ Laughter ]

Fresh towels!

So you guys can shower!

Those are napkins!

Yeah, for drying
your ungrateful bodies.

[ Scoffs ] What?

We saw you laughin' it up
with your buddies.

Yeah, it's all part of the plan.

They're starting to give me
more freedom.

Which...

I'm gonna use to find us
a way out of here.

Well, hurry up, Steve.

The doctor's losing it!

Data. Data.

Data-data-data.

Data, data-data-data.

I've encoded the data!

Can't believe Snot
and those guys think

I only look out for myself.

I only ever think of them...
Ooh!

Bonesaw loves
hen of the woods mushrooms.

Fang's olives!

Nooooo!

Oh, sweet, free olive!

The drain is a way out.

I got to free the guys.

Oh, man.

Door's guarded.

Well, I've done everything I could.

Should be a straight sh*t
to the street.

How did the olive know
which way to go?!

[ Cries ]

Sweet sunlight!

[ Light bulb humming ]

The sun is so loud today.

Welcome to the pizza party, bud!

Experiment's over!

But Fang, Bonesaw, Nathaniel...
they're criminals!

Pshaw.
White collar!

Their real names are Frank,
Bernie, and Nutcutter.

They're being rehabilitated
by the system.

So there was no real danger?

The only real part was when
you ditched your friends.

That was real.

Real [bleep] up!

Help yourself to some pizza.

All that's left
is the barbecue chicken.

It's a Southern take
on an Italian classic.

You'll love it.
Nobody else did, but you will.

Good experiment.
Good experiment.

Good experiment.

Good experiment.

This is only three bucks!

You said $ !

Minus the expenses.

Did you like eating your pizza
off "Teen Titans" plates?

But we need a hundred bucks
or we won't have

enough money for our calf implants.

Well, the three of us
have enough money.

What? I thought we were gonna
do this together!

Oh, now you're interested
in doing things together.

Well, here's some money
to get you started.

Once again, I have no idea
why I'm doing what I'm doing!

Stan, I want to congratulate you

on the swift progress you've made,

but now it's time
to take off the blower.

Noooot ready!

But maybe you can grieve
for him another way.

I'm listening.

You mentioned Kloops always
wanted to blow the central quad

but he didn't have
the security clearance.

Stan, you have that clearance.

[ Leaf blower whirring ]

♪♪

It's me, the great Billy Kloops!

Thank you for making
my dream come true, Stan.

Now blow me to heaven, old friend!

♪♪

Whoa! [ Screaming ]

Aaaaah!

What do you know?
I do feel better.

[ Steve panting ]

Guys, you're right.

Leaving you behind
wasn't my finest hour.

I know I don't deserve calves,
but we're still best friends!

Uh, correction.

We are still best friends.

I'm so sorry for what I did.

You're very generous
with your "sorrys"

but selfish with everything else.

That was remarkably well put, Barry.

Don't patronize me.

Oh, God, it was terrible!

Mertz withdrew his nunchucks
and then he robbed me with 'em!

But he left the money?

No, you moron!

He took everything!

The bush is empty!

That money would have been
in our calves by now

if it weren't for you, Steve.

You ruined our lives!

We never want to see you again!

It's good to know I can at least
still count on you, Tosh.

A-no!
Thank you.

No!
Yes.

No! No! No!

Now you've lost me, Tosh.
But we're cool, right?

So that's when I realized
I had been selfish.

And now I need to earn $

for my friends' calves.

It's not for dr*gs?
Usually it's for dr*gs.

Well, if friendship is a dr... Aaaah!

Here's $ .

You said $ .

There's gonna be a pizza party.

Apply it to area.

Okay. And how soon till
it takes effec... Aaah!

It burns! It burns!

Dr. Slippy!

Your penis burning cream works!

We gon' be rich!

[ Laughs ]

[ Timer dings ]

I got another hour in me if you do.

I do.

This is an experiment
in pain tolerance.

The more pain you take,
the more money you make.

Fine. But there better not be a
pizza party at the end of this.

Oh, no, no, no, no pizza party.

You'll get your full
half of the money.

Half?
We're both working.

Are you being selfish again?

No, no, I'm not.

Give me the shocks!
And keep 'em coming!

Oh, selfish boy wants
all the shocks...

Roger!
Okay, okay.

I'm shockin', I'm shockin'.

Alright, here's the first shock...

I've never seen the movie "Titanic."

Just kidding, here's a real one.

[ Electricity zaps ] Aah!

Give me another one!

Coming right...
Aaaah!

Aaaaaah!

Aaaaaaaaaah!

Ah!

I almost have enough money!

I'm almost there!

[ Breathing heavily ] Yeah,
I'm almost there too.

Turnin' the voltage up.

Fair warning, this one
might burn your brain.

Might be a brain-burner.

Whatever it takes!

My friends need their calves!

[ Groans ]

I said I'm ready!

Shock me!

Barry: How's this for a shock?

We're friends again!

Steve, it's over!

You've proved to us
you're not selfish.

But I almost got your money.

We don't care about
the calves anymore.

We just want our friend back.

And we want him back alive.

I don't deserve friends like you.

No, you don't.

But you got 'em anyways.

Barry, why'd you put a belt
around the doctor's neck?

That was...

already there.

I was conducting an experiment!

[ Don Henley's
"The Boys of Summer" playing ]

I can't believe Dr. Kalgary

gave us all calf implants
for bucks.

And threw in butt implants for free!

♪♪

Check out the lower leg
lollipops on those big boys!

I think I'm gonna like high school.

It's good to be back
with my best buds.

♪ Nobody on the road ♪
Four-way high-five?

♪ Nobody on the beach ♪

♪ I feel it in the air ♪

Have a great night!