03x35 - The Principals of Golf/Kurst the Not So Bad

[bunniefuu]

[bell ringing]

[kids screaming]

Uh-oh!

Ah!

[sizzling sound]

[burp sound]

[whizzing sound]

[metal door closes]

Well, even if the Aliens did look
exactly like people,

there have to be something
that gives them away.

Perhaps they exhibit some
sort of strange behavior.

Like a third eye!

That's not a behavior Gus.

What about extra arms?

[Menlo] Your attention please.

The random drawing for Third Street's
Annual Student-Principal Golf Match

against th Street School,
is about to take place.

Do we have any last-minute entries?

Anyone?

Heh, heh. Entries, that's rich.

Golf is for old people.

Golf is boring.

Last chance! Anybody?

Very well...

[squeaking sound]

[screech sound]

and the winner is... Vince LaSalle!

[everyone gasps]

You mean the loser is LaSalle!

-[everyone laughs]
-Oh man! That creep, Lawson,

must have entered your name Vince,
you want me to pound him?

No, no! Not this time Spinelli,
I put my name in there myself.

What! You entered your own name
in the drawing?

The real Vince would never do that...
Alien!

Look, guys I just figured, what the heck?
Might as well learn golf now,

so I can dominate that game after I retire

from pro-baseball, basketball,
and football.

Don't worry, I know what I'm doing.

-[ominous music]
-Now you little good for nothing,

you listen to me!

I'm not gonna stand for any more
of your insubordinate behavior.

This time you'll get in a hole!

-[plunk sound]
-[stirring sound]

-Dagnabbit.
-[knocking sound]

Lemon, this better be--
Oh, LaSalle. What are you in for?

I'm your partner for the Golf Match,

Menlo said wanted the winner
to report to the office.

Have you ever played golf before?

-No, sir.
-Oh, great.

But I´ve seen it on TV.

Well I guess you might
as well start learning now.

-This is a putter.
-Well, well. What do we have here?

Little P.D. trying to teach another kid
how to lose at golf?

Paul, what are you doing here?

Oh, I thought I'd just stop by for some
pre-match sportsmanship little brother.

Oh! Did I just say litte brother?

What I meant to say was loser.
Loser, loser, loser.

Always ready to rub it in.

Rub it in? Why? I'd never rub it in

Did I mention that
P.D.'s lost to me years in a row?

-Ha, ha ha.
-By the way P.D.,

have you met my partner
for this year's match?

Foster Cushman Bumpass III

Cheers, little people! I've been golfing
since I was three.

Pleasure to meet you.

Principal Paul said you're
the worst golfer in the world.

-What a delightful little duffer.
-Excuse me, sirs.

But, would you mind keeping it down,

I'm trying to sink
a thirteenth footer here.

Now please, don't move.

[plunk sound]

-[suspenseful music]
-[stirring sound]

Heh, hey! This golf thing is kind of fun.

What an unbelievable sh*t!

Meh, beginners luck.

-Wanna see me do it again?
-Save it for the match, partner.

Well, what do you know!

It seems my friend Vince here
is a natural at golf

What do you say about that Poly baby!

Come on Foster, time to go practice.

Leaving to practice they say,
well good idea.

I have the feeling the old golf match
is gonna be a different story this year.

With a little practice

finally you and I can put
my loudmouth brother in his place.

Jeez, Vince! Prickly's already got you
working on that golf junk?

Don't knock it till you try it T.J.

Golf is a lot more fun
than it looks on TV.

And Prickly wasn't nearly as bad
as everyone said he'd be.

He even called me partner.

Sounds to me like Vince
here's getting on Prickly's good side.

Prickly's good side...

Maybe we can find a way to work this
to our advantage on the playground.

I've been thinking that we could use
a good go-kart track out here.

And an anti-gravity chamber
might be somewhat useful.

Perhaps an All-you-can-eat dessert bar

Hold on, guys.
I'm not in it for any special favors.

I'm just looking add another W
to my collection of wins.

And Prickly is really looking forward
to b*ating his brother this year.

Which reminds me, I was supposed to go
practice pitch sh**t with Prickly.

So, catch you later.

It's nice to see that the stigma
of the Annual Golf Match

hasn't damp Vince's competitive nature.

Oh, I'll say good for Vince,
and if it makes him happy, I'm happy for.

I'm going for that tree over there.

[plunk sound]

Nice sh**t, Vince!

I'll try aiming for that tree
over on the left.

Hell, these cheap golf balls!

If you don't mind me saying so Sir,
that's not they do it on TV.

Try shifting your weight
to the right, just slightly. Like this.

Shift my weight to the right, eh?

[plunk sound]

Great Goddess of Pascal, it worked!

Principal Prickly!

I caught Lawson here,
giving Brandon a twirling.

♪ She saved my life ♪

Ah, I didn't do nothing.

And besides, you can't blame
me for doing it,

he won't stop that singing with his voice

Hang on, Mr. Lawson.
I'll punish you in a second.

Miss Finster, come and tell me
the whole story,

-while I retrieve my new lucky ball.
-Yes, Sir.

Well LaSalle,

looks like you've turned into a regular
Principal Prickly's favorite type of guy.

I'm not Principal Prickly's
favorite person, Lawson.

Oh, sure you're not LaSalle,
but seeing how you are,

how about you use your pull with the
old man, to get him to cut me some slack.

Look, Lawson, I'm not having pull
with Prickly, I'm just his golf partner.

But even if I did have
some kind of in with him,

why would I wasted in somebody
who deserves to get punished.

♪ Well said, Vince ♪

-Huh? Hey!
-Alright Lawson,

let's go to the office and sort this out.
I'll be right back, partner.

Principal's pet!
Wait till the other kids hear about this.

[children whispering]

I've heard Principal Prickly
had him over for dessert,

and bought him a big-screen TV.

And then he got to swim
in Principle Prickly's

solid gold swimming pool.

Oh, men! You serious?
Who you guys are talking about?

Ah... Nobody.

[children whispering]

I've heard Vince has been throwing parties
on Prickly's private yacht.

Say, what!

Ahoy, Captain Vince!

-How is the yacht?
-Not you too.

Come on, guys! You gotta know
none of that junk is true.

You mean, you didn't take a supersonic jet
to Bangladesh, to buy rice cake?

-No!
-But you have been spending

a lot of time with the old guy.

We're just practicing!

Believe me, Prickly is not
treating me better

-than any other kid in school.
-Vince, dear.

Principle Prickly needs
some more pointers on his putting.

Guess, I'll meet up with you guys
on the playground

Vince, dear!

[kids laughing]

Say Vince, our shovels have been getting
pretty dull lately.

Yeah, so?

So... How's about you pull some strings
with your buddy Prickly,

and get us some heavy-duty steam shovels?

Guys, Prickly isn't my buddy!

Yeah, Vince! And while you're at it,
my flights are getting tired,

tell Prickly to get
some turbo swings out here.

More chips at lunchtime would be nice.

-[everyone speaking]
-Look everybody!

Give it a rest! I don't have
any special pull with Prickly.

Sure you don't Vince.

Yeah! Um, we know all about
the freight train full of candies.

[everyone yelling]

No! There is no... Ah!

Oh, dear Vince!
You look positively hairy.

Prickly is driving you nuts?

No, is not Prickly,

if anything is driving me nuts,

is all these kids who are asking me
to get them favors,

'cause I golf with the guy.

Sounds to me like you could use

a good old game of kickball
to take your mind out of your problems

Yeah! Now you're talking.

[melodious music]

Time out!

[everyone complaining]

Hey ya, Benny! Sorry to interrupt
your little game here,

I just wanted to see if you'd be up
for another trip to the Pitch and Putt

after school, so we're in top shape
for the big game tomorrow.

Uh, sure Principle Prickly.

That's just well! Time in!

Come on, LaSalle!

You're gonna pitch, or you have
to write down your date

with Prickly in your date-book first.
Ha, ha, ha!

-[everyone singing]
-♪ Vince and Prickly standing on a green ♪

♪ P-U-T-T-I-N-G ♪

♪ First comes par, then comes bogey ♪

♪ Then comes Vince
dressed like an old fogie ♪

-Ah!
-[everyone laughing]

-That's it!
-[everyone laughing]

-This is bad Vince.
-You're telling me!

These Principal's pet jokes
are out of control.

I can't show my face without
either getting teased or asked for favors.

Vince, I hate to say it,
but I think the only way to salvage

your reputation
is to stop playing golf with Prickly.

But is just one more day at golf!

Is one more day at golf worth

being branded Principal's pet
the rest of your life?

Oh, maybe you're right.

But I really was looking forward
to winning,

and Principal Prickly

really wants to b*at his brother.

It's a though decision.

And it's one only you can make, Vince.

Unless you want to be labeled
Principal's pet the rest of your days,

you probably shouldn't go.

I guess I got some thinking to do.

Hey Vince! Way to get in good
with the big guy

You and Prickly,

it's just like me and Miss Finster,
only with expl*si*n power.

Good luck tomorrow, buddy!
And welcome to the club.

Miss Finster! Miss Finster!
Time for my cookie.

Oh, man!

Am I really turning
into a Principal's pet?

Well Pete, time is running out.
So, where is your partner?

I don't know!
I'm sure he'll be here in a minute.

Are you sure about that little brother?

I mean, maybe he's found
a better golf partner.

Like a chimpanzee!

-Ha, ha, ha!
-Ha, ha, ha!

Hey you kids,
where is your friend LaSalle?

He was supposed to be here an hour ago.

so we got to limber up
on the driving range.

Actually Sir, if I may,

I surmise that Vince's absence means

he decided to follow T.J.'s advice
and not show up.

Not show up? What!

Well you see Sir, playing golf
with you has been fun for Vince,

but it's also been kind of hard.

Kids around the playground
have been making fun of him, a lot.

They've been calling him Principal's pet!

Principal's pet?

I'm afraid so.

And honestly Sir, that's something
that no decent kid should have to endure.

Well, I guess I can understand that.

[sighs] I'm gonna get
an earful about this.

Not showing up!

I can't blame him, because you,
little brother, are pathetically lame.

Ha, ha, ha!

Poor old Principal Prickly,
he sure is getting an earful.

-He sure is!
-Vince!

What are you doing here?

We figure you came to your senses
and were not going to show up.

Actually, I wasn't sure if
I was gonna show up.

But when I got a game, I got a game.

Does this mean you really
are the Principal's pet?

You can call me that if you want, Gus.

And everybody else can too, I don't care.

[gasps] Such boldness!

You guys had me convinced
that playing with Principal Prickly

was the wrong thing to do because it was
hurting my reputation around school.

And then Randall told me that hanging out
with Prickly was the right thing to do,

that me and Prickly are gonna be
just like him and Finster.

Uh! Doesn't get any worse than that--

Yeah! Well fact is, that Randall was wrong
and so are you guys.

That's gonna require some clarification.

I'm not looking for favors or power,
or anything like that.

All I wanna do is play some golf,
if that hurts my reputation,

and that's the way it goes...

I'd rather be known as the guy
who did what he thought was right,

than the guy who quit because he was
afraid of what other people might say.

-Wow! When you put it that way...
-Sorry man.

No problem. Hey, Principal P!

-Sorry I'm late.
-Vince, you're here!

So, my brother's latest victim
showed up after all.

Excuse me Sir, but I'm not
your brother's victim

I'm your brother's partner.
Come on, Principal P!

Let's sh**t these guys down.

You said it.

[suspenseful music]

[plunk sound]

-[triumphal music]
-[people clapping]

[children yelling]

[shushing] Guys, this is golf.

[clapping]

I do believe, that is a hole-in-one.

Oh, oh! Listen P.D.,

about those I've been saying
over the past years,

you know it was just
brotherly revving, right?

You wouldn't start making fun
of me like that, would you?

I mean, I'll give you
a nice Christmas present this year.

[bell ringing]

[kids talking]

Ah! The first day of spring,

you know what that means.

The sun is shining, winter's glorious
mantle has melted from the hills.

And the muddy bottom pond
is all swelled up

with critters to mess around with.

Gentlemen, start your pally wars.

Let's get some crawfish
and teach them how to wrestle.

-Yeah
-You're on!

-It can't be springtime already!
-Uh!

-[strong steps sound]
-[bush rustle]

Hey, you're right!
The azaleas are in bloom!

And unfortunately,
Kurst the Worst is on a rampage.

-Out of my way!
-Ah!

-Boy, what's with her!
-A complex question, Gus.

She could be a little nicer.

And it's settled,
we're not inviting her to the pond.

Now, come on all right!
Let's get there before dries up!

Wait a minute, Spinelli.

I'm surprised none of you remembered

what other wonderful thing happens
on the first day of spring.

Well, it is the vernal equinox,

when the Sun crosses
the celestial equator--

No silly Gretchen,
today's start of the Shillelagh Sundae,

we get floppy burger,
seven skips of green ice cream,

green fudge syrup, green whipped topping,

green peanuts, and a juicy green cherry.

[everyone groans]

Man, I still got a stomach ache
from last year.

After what happened
on the living room carpet,

mom made me promise
never to eat one again.

Honestly Mikey, I think you're
the only person I've ever met

who actually likes those things.

But hey, that's OK.
Go and get your Shillelagh Sundae.

Yeah! I'll throw a big old rock
in the pond, just for you!

I'll catch you something in a jar.

Thank you! I hope is a colorful fish!

-[steps sound]
-[whistling sound]

[whistling sound]

-[sound of something crashing]
-Oh may!

-[burp sound]
-What's the matter with you?

-You scared me!
-You're scared too easy.

Hey! What's on the floor?
Looks good.

It was my Shillelagh Sundae.

Why do you know!
Someone besides me who likes them things.

Your friends don't like it either?

Nah, the dopes I hang out with
say it makes their guts fell bad.

Though luck you dropped, and all.

That's OK, I've saved
enough money for three more.

Good, buy me two. I'm out of dough.

-[dramatic music]
-[slurping and clanging sounds]

I'm not sure I should be sitting with you,

people say you're a very bad girl.

Oh, yeah? How is that?

Well, you have done some bad things
around the school,

like when you pushed
upside down girl off her bar.

She had it coming.

You pushed Swinger Girl out her swing.

She had it coming too.

You pushed my friend Gus into the bushes.

That was an accident...
Ah, he probably had it coming.

Don't you think
you might have hurt their feelings?

Feelings?

The only feeling I care about,
is the empty one in my belly.

You gonna eat that?

[slurping sounds]

That wasn't very thoughtful.

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

So, what are you gonna do now?

Call me Kurst the Worst,
like everybody else?

Huh? "Plump Burger".

No Kurst, I would never call you that.

I don't think is nice
to call people names,

and if you had bought me
two Shillelagh Sundaes,

I would at least have said thank you.

-[steps sound]
-[door opens]

-Ugh!
-Ah!

-Hey, Blumberg!
-Yes? Oh, hello Kurst.

So, uh, what are you doing
in the cafeteria food line?

Getting some cafeteria food?

No, you ain't. Today, you're having
a double-decker liver salad sandwich.

Please don't toy with my taste buds Kurst,
I love liver salad sandwiches.

Most people don't,
but I had a suspicion you did!

For me? But why?

Oh, let's just say I was feeling bad
about eating your ice cream.

So I asked mom to make it for you.
Go on, stick it in your face and be happy.

-Wait!
-Huh?

It was nice of you
to give me the sandwich,

the least I can do
is inviting you to eat with me!

Suit yourself.

Hello, friends!

Hey Michael! Pull into port,
and dump it down the hatch.

Yeah, and hurry! Kurst
is coming up behind you!

Oh, I know!
Kurst is joining us for lunch today.

[everyone complaining]

Mikey, are you out of ever-loving coconut?
She knocked Gus into the bushes!

I was up all night picking twigs out
of my underpants.

She said it was an accident, and I'm sure
she'd be happy to offer an apology.

Yeah, sure... Sorry.

Look Mikey, Kurst is nothing
but a trouble-making bad guy,

you don't wanna hang out
with girls who are bad guys.

But, I found out yesterday
we actually have something in common!

And she just did a very nice thing for me.

I think she's a girl
with many pleasant surprises!

Lets keeping moving Mikey!

I didn't realize you wanted
to eat with these jim-jams.

Who's she calling jim-jams?

Well, you did call her
a bad name in Pig Latin

I got a bad feeling about this Spinelli,
very bad feeling.

Enough of that cafeteria junkola.
This is where I chow down.

-Hi there, chumps.
-Hi, Kurst.

-[sound of buzzing flies]
-Hey, it's Kurst.

Look out Kurst! Mikey "Plump"Burger"
is coming up behind you!

Don't worry! I'll chuck this old hunk
of bologna at his head.

Lighten up, Mandi, Plumpberg is with me!

Well, that ain't natural.

Oh, the big guy bought me a dessert treat.
So, I thought I'd have him over.

What you're eating for lunch anyway?

My cousin Keanu is clerking down
at the Speedy Mart.

I traded in my sandwich
for all these nondairy creamers.

[slurping sound] Ah, hazelnut!

I got packs of sugar!

I'll trade you two relishes and a ketchup

-for one of the sugars.
-Yeah, sure!

Oh, sugar! Oh, ketchup!
Oh, non-dairy creamer!

Oh, wondrous delight
of the childhood dreamer!

-Hey, Blumberg is saying poetry!
-I don't like poetry!

It's messing up my nice lunch
at the trash can!

Listen Kurst, you can't hang around
the "Plump Burger,"

he's gonna make you soft.

Next thing you know
you're gonna start riding tricycles,

-and singing love songs.
-Oh, you guys are nuts!

Come on, Mikey! Let's find a place to eat
before my belly starts chewing on itself.

Huh, what she sees in that guy?

All I can say is no good is gonna come out
of them two being friends

Nothing good at all.

[ominous music]

Your friends didn't seem very happy
you're eating lunch with me.

Yeah! Well, I don't care
what nobody thinks.

I think you cared when you hurt
my feelings and then gave me the sandwich.

Maybe I cared a little,
just don't let it get around!

People will start thinking
the wrong thing.

You know what I think? I think
we should have lunch again tomorrow.

[happy music]

[happy music]

[burp sound]

You know Mikey, eating lunch
with you hasn't been half crummy.

Why thank you Kurst,
the experience inspires me to verse.

Yeah, anyway. What I'm getting at is,

I got a little something
in mind for tomorrow.

A surprise, sorta.
I think you'll like it,

provided that everything comes off OK.

-A surprise?
-Yeah.

But don't go spreading it around
that I'm doing something nice

And all I can say is,
don't bring any dessert.

-[gasping sound]
-All right!

Look if you want, I don't really care.

Oh, Kurst! Huckleberry Cobbler!

Nature's juiciest bounty
in a tender flaky crust!

Yeah, whatever. It's the big surprise
anyway so, dig in!

But there's so much of it.

Where did it come from?

Don't worry, ain't poison.

Now chow down, before the flies
start coming around.

[whistling sound]

Hello, what's this?

Mikey Blumberg and Kurst the worst?

Eating a huge amount
of Huckleberry Cobbler

out of an industrial-size pan?
Nothing unusual about that.

[whistling sound]

Hey, Miss Finster. I'm sorry to report
that there's nothing--

Not now, Randal!
I've got a riot to put down.

-[everyone screaming cobbler]
-[banging sound]

All right, listen up everyone!
I know is cobbler day,

and y'all came to lunch today expecting
a nice big piece of Huckleberry Cobbler.

-[everyone whispering]
-But I'm afraid

there will be no cobbler today,
because it's been stolen!

[everyone gasp]

-And I know who stole it!
-[everyone whispering]

It was Kurst the Worse,
and Mikey Blumberg!

-[everyone yelling]
-Come on, I'll show you!

[dramatic music]

I knew that girl was trouble!

Well, that was a delicious treat.
Now, to lick the pan!

[sound of a whistle]

-There they are!
-It's true!

-We got'em purple handed!
-[everyone agrees and yell]

Drop the berries Blumberg!
You too Kurst.

Wait a minute Miss Finster,

there's no way my friend
might get anything to do with this.

He would never steal something!

[the g*ng agrees]

Go on, was that cobbler stolen?

I didn't steal no cobbler!

My friend Sue Bob Murphy cooked it
in her oven and gave it to me!

-Honest!
-You promise Kurst?

I'm telling the truth, I promise!

-Then I believe you.
-Oh, really.

Tell me Kurst, does this Sue Bob Murphy
usually bake with a pan stamped property

of Third Street School?

-[everyone complaining]
-That, their pan is proof.

But it doesn't prove
who stole the cobbler,

after all, I could have stolen it.
Miss Finster,

if you're gonna take Kurst to the office,
then you have to take me too.

Mikey, what are you doing?

She got him hypnotize with food!

We tried to warn him.

Is this how's gonna end, Mikey?

Yes ma'am, it is.

All right then, I'm taking both of you in.

[everyone cheering]

-Not so fast!
-What's that?

Them kids, didn't steal the cobbler,
these kids did!

[everyone whispering]

What are you talking about Guinevere?

Back at the scene of the crime,

we found their names
written on the walls with mustard.

Seemed like a cool idea at the time.

Hey, Sue Bob, you said
you cooked that cobbler just for me!

Nah, I can't cook. We figured
if we gave you a big old cobbler,

-maybe you'd start hanging with us again.
-It was the perfect plan.

Not perfect enough, though guy!
Muriel...

Thanks girls, good work!

Come on, you! It's time
you got your just desserts.

Geez, Mikey! You really stuck
your neck out for me.

-What are you dumb?
-It was the least I could do for a friend,

and I think the least you could do
is say thank you.

Thanks, you really are a pretty OK guy.

I... I better to see if those guys need
legal advice.

Last day of Shillelagh Sundae's,
buy you one after school?

I will be delighted.

Hey man, we're sorry we doubted Kurst.

But you can't really blame us

I still can't believe
you made friends with her.

She did a nice thing for me, so the least
I could do is give her a chance.

All this time we thought hanging out
with her was gonna get you in trouble,

but instead, you got her a new buddy

with the biggest
heart on all the playground.

Yeah! And the biggest power slamming body
on the playground.

Let's play some Battle Tag!

-[everyone yelling happily]
-[everyone groaning]

It's good to have friends.

[everyone agrees]

[bell ringing]