04x05 - O Bro, Where Art Thou?

[bunniefuu]

GIRL:
Four, three, two, one!

[ rock music playing]

♪ Every birthday,
my mom and dad would say ♪

♪ "You're another year older,
another year wiser" ♪

♪ But I still go to school

♪ To get an education

♪ I treat each and every day

♪ Like a mini vacation

♪ All grown up!

♪ I really want
to shout it out ♪

♪ All grown up!

♪ I want the world to know

♪ All grown up!

♪ I really want
to shout it out ♪

♪ All grown up

♪ With you

♪ All grown up with...

♪ you.

Hey, Tommy,

where's Dil?

Don't know,
don't care.

This is the first time
in two months

I've had a minute
to myself.

Is your mom
still going to school?

Yup, which means
I'll be stuck with Dil

for the rest of the summer, too.

If you're so sick of Dil,
why save him a seat?

We're not saving it
for him,

we're saving it
for them.

Junior
lifeguards.

They take
their breaks here.

Yesterday

they almost
talked to us.

"Almost"?

One of them coughed on me.

Do you know if the soft-serve
machine is working today?

Still busted, but the smoothie
machine's up and running.

Thanks for the heads-up.

DIL:
Hey, T.

It's time for a game
of revenge of the merman.

Dil, not now.

"Revenge of the merman"?

Allow me to explain.

My big bro here
plays Ascobar,

the evil ruler
of Neptune,

who put a curse
on me,

turning me
into a merman

who can only
regrow legs

by recovering
the underwater treasure

before nightfall.

[ laughing heartily]

[ chuckles nervously]

Hey, Ascobar,

you want to swing
into the snack bar
for an Icee?

[ laughing]

You may have taken away
my legs, Ascobar,

but you'll never have my soul.

Never!

[ grunting]

[ groans]

MAN:
Did somebody over here
order a meatball mountain, huh?

DIL:Dig in!

[ muffled]:
Race you to the middle.

I'm not in the mood.

[ slurping]

We've been doing it forever.

Man, first you won't wear
your PJs, now this.

I know,

but couldn't we
for once have
a nice, quiet dinner?

[ whispers]:
Quiet.

Oh. Yeah.

Sure.

So let me ask you a question.

If some fish are able to walk,
how come they can't run?

And if, like,
dolphins have
their own language,

why don't they have
cell phones?

I don't know,
and luckily, I don't care.

Bummer.

[ slurping]

Better get in on the action
before it's too late!

[ slurping]

[ yells]

See what happens
when you don't
play along?

If the inside
of the eyelid is pink,

why do we see black
when we close our eyes?

Dil! Just give me
some space, okay?

Fine.

Have your space.

Take all the space
you want.

In fact, have all
the space there is.

I'm small.

I don't need
much space.

Boys, we've got
a surprise!

Remember how,
at the beginning of summer,

you begged us to do something?

Something you were dying
to do...

You're going
to circus day camp!

You were taking
too long, Deed.

But you said Cirque du
Extravaganza was too expensive.

Betty just called
to say she finally
wore the guy down,

got us a group deal.

Phil, Lil,
Chuckie and Kimi
are going, too!

Ah, yeah, that's my plan--

to kick it
with the French Canadians.

I got to call Chuckie.

Oh, yeah.

It's so sweet to party
with the circus freaks.

Word.

MAN:
Feast your eyes

on the magic that is
Cirque du Extravaganza.

My assistants,
Alain and Ondine.

[ all gasp]

Believe it
or not,

by the end
of the week,

you, too, will be
defying the laws of gravity.

You will learn
the German ring.

You two, the flying trapeze.

No clowns, no clowns,

don't like them,
don't trust them.

I am pairing you up

with the newest members
of our troupe,

the snow leopards.

Yes!

And you are
with them.

I'm going to be
a security guard?

Are you people
in this country legally?

They're not security guards;
they're clowns.

You are
the only kid

in the history
of circus camp

to figure that out.

How would you
like to be

the first outsider

to join the most
prestigious group

of Cirque
du Extravaganza,

the contortionists?

How did he peg them
as clowns?

GIRL:
At Cirque
du Extravaganza,

nothing is
what it appears to be.

Man, he sure went
from zero to happy
in seconds.

Not as happy
as me!

I'm free!

[ laughing]

[ laughing]:
Yeah!

[ performers grunt]

Bravo!
Bravo!

[ exclaiming]

Dil, you are
fantastique!

He's a natural,
is what he is.

Dil, areyou sure

you never
worked with
a cirquebefore?

Never left the suburbs.

Except for my one trip
to the planet Plankteria.

Get out!

I've always wanted
to go there.

But moving around so much

doesn't exactly make me
an easy target

for alien abduction.

[ gasps]

A fellow believer.

Can you stay for dinner tonight?

Of course!

Cool.

But I should
warn you.

My family likes
to sing silly songs
before we eat.

Oh, my heart.

Hey, you want me
to show you

how to fit into
a laundry basket?

Thought you'd never ask.

You play audience member.

Tommy, you get in way
and get hypnotized instead.

It is job.

Now I need volunteer
from audience to hypnotize.

You will do whatever I say
no matter how ridiculous.

Bark like dog.

[ halfheartedly]:
Ruff, ruff.

Suck your thumb like baby.

Blech!

Now walk like dinosaur.

You look like annoying bunny
from TV commercials,

not dinosaur.

No one's ever seen
a real dinosaur.

For all you know,
I could be nailing it.

Oh, yeah?

Then what your excuse
for pathetic dog bark?

[ groans]

[ laughter]

Hurry up, Dil, Dad's here.

We're getting
our favorite: pizza.

DIL:I haveto pass.
I'm having dinner

with my circus
family tonight,

who apparently don't need
a lot of space.

[ laughs]

[ laughing]

Ah,

took me three days
of practice

but I finally
mastered it.

Great you guys
are learning

to do cool stuff

because I'm about
to be fired.

You need
to loosen up.

Easy for you to say.

You get to train wild animals.

And it's going to change
my whole self-image.

Unless, when faced with
the real beast, I go into shock

and lose control of my bladder.

I'm eating here.

[ laughing]

You know, I don't think
I've ever seen Dil so happy.

Yup, everyone seems to love him.

It bugs you, doesn't it?

Not even.

Think of it
this way.

At least he's finally
giving you your space.

[ techno music plays on TV]

[ applause]

Sphinx!

[ grunting]

DIL:
An ATM machine?

That was way awesome!

We know.

Problem is,
how do we top it
this year?

Can you guys... swim?

CLOWN:
Bark like dog.

[ halfheartedly]:
Ruff, ruff.

Suck thumb
like baby.

Ow.

Walk like dinosaur.

Tommy, you have
the skills of a clown,

but not the heart
and soul.

And if you don't
find them
by show time,

you're going to be
playing a real
security guard.

I think you are ready
now, Chuckie.

Oh, I'm ready.

Bring on the beasts.

Oh, yeah, nothing says "manly"
like kittens.

[ cats purring]

[ Lil and Phil yell]

I told you
you weren't catcher
material, Lillian!

You did that
on purpose, Philip!

Wish I had
a solo act.

Not half as much
as I do!

[ Lil shouts]

[ moans]

[ retches]

This was
a brilliant idea, Dil.

You rock, D-man.

Oh, I love Dil!

Dil, how
would you like

to become
a permanent member
of our troupe, eh?

I-I... I would
lovethat!

After camp is over,
we continue our
international tour.

Next stop: Addis Ababa.

Addis Ababa?

I've always wanted to go there!

Oh, but I can't drop
my life here

and run off with the circus.

Why not?

I couldn't leave my family.

Without me around,
they'd die of boredom.

We understand.

But just so
you know,

the offer
is always open.

[ slurping]

[ giggling]

[ slurping]

Dil, can I talk
to you?

Come on, Pilar.

Let's give
these guys
some space.

Just so you know,
I b*at you

in the meatball
mountain contest
last night

because, uh,
you weren't there.

[ forced laughter]

To be honest,
it's not fun
at home, either.

There's no one around

to annoy me, ask me
weird questions,

embarrass me
in front of
total strangers.

Really, T?

Yeah.

I guess I just miss
your freakiness.

Is that what you think?

Circus people are freaks?

Of course not,
but you got to admit

it's kind of freaky
around here,

setting the table
on your head,

eating dinner
with your feet.

Ever stop to think

maybe we're
the normal ones

and you'rethe freak?

I am nota freak.

Too bad,
because if you were,

you wouldn't make
such a lame clown.

Forget I ever
came here!

Already forgotten.

And for your
information,

my fellow freaks
asked me

to go on tour with them,

and I just decided
to accept their offer.

Fine!

Right back at ya!

STU:
I'm sorry, Dil,

but you are not going
on tour with the circus.

But I belong there.

How will you sleep at night

knowing you took my dream
and peed all over it?

Language!

Sorry.

I'm just trying to make a point.

You really should let him go.

It's a once-in-a-lifetime
opportunity.

[ sighs]

Tell you what.

We'll meet
with Luka and Joe

and if we're sure
they're going to be
competent guardians,

you can go.

But only until
school starts.

Will you drop me there tonight?

I'd really like
to get used to living
with my newfamily.

Dil's going
to be back

before we know it.

But I single-handedly
drove him

into the arms
of another family

who can collectively fit
in a laundry basket.

Tommy, it's inevitable.

Dil would have
found the circus
sooner or later.

Where did you get those hats?

I asked mama
to make us hats
exactly like yours.

They don't have dentures
on the end.

We just haven't
put them on yet.

[ chattering]

Okay, this is me under hypnosis.

How was that?

[ laughing]

You laughed!

It was funny, right?

Not really
funny funny.

More like funny sad.

Aw, I give up.

You still have a day left.

Remember, this is the circus.

Miracles can happen.

[ crash]

Kimi, you're not
getting nauseous
anymore.

Now if I could only
make it through

without getting dizzy.

[ moans]

[ yells]

Oof.

[ Lil yells]

See what happens
when we do it myway?

No, that's
what happens

when we do it
myway.

[ both yell]

Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?

Yeah.

We should
stop fighting.

No!No!

Ondine and I fight
much worse than you

and we're the best
in the world!

The second best.

You're forgetting
about the twins
from Baden Baden.

They're second;
we're first.

Second!

We are number one,
Ondine.

Next time, don't pull
so hard, Philip.

You're not getting

a good enough grip,
Lillian.

Chuckie Finster,
wild animal trainer.

Aw, come on, guys,

would it k*ll you to growl
once in a while?

Little scratch, draw some blood?

Huh, tongue rash.

It's a start.

Our costumes
are here!

They're exactly
like... mine.

She copied them
from you.

That's what
makes them
so unique.

What do you think, Dil?

Actually, I think
it's pretty creepy.

PILAR:
Dil, I have a question for you.

If catfish have
over , tastebuds

why are we eating them
instead of them eating us?

Dil, if the tongue is

the strongest muscle
in the body,

why don't people lift weights

with their mouth?

And if butterflies
taste with their feet,

why do they
need mouths?

I-I don't know.

And luckily I don't care.

Couldn't we just sit
and eat quietly for once?

[ whispers]:
Quiet.

SureWhy not?

[ grunting]

You know what?

I'm going to have
to pass on dessert
tonight.

I need some...
space.

TOMMY [ weakly]:
Ruff, ruff.

Ruff, ruff.

Why are you spying on me?

Why are you wearing
my pajamas?

Aw, I'm never going
to be able to find

my inner clown
by tomorrow.

I'm not like
you, Dil.

I can't just do
or say or eat

any weird thing
I want

without being
embarrassed.

I don't know, I guess
I'm too uptight or repressed

or too boring.

Well, being odd isn't
all it's cracked
up to be, either.

So you want my help
with your act or what?

I don't know, I guess
it could use some polish.

Polish?!

Bro, you need
a sandblaster.

Okay, lose the pajamas.

It's time to practice
in your underwear.

My underwear?!

If you think
pajamas are freeing,

wait till you try
tighty-whities.

I feel like an idiot.

Exactly.

Now, go with it.

RINGMASTER:
Tonight is a special night.

Each and every one
of you is ready

to bring the magic of the circus
to the outside world.

Uh, just to clarify,

you did say "each
and every one of us,"
right, Didier?

Oh, no, I'm on first
and I haven't digested yet.

I was so nervous, I had three
helpings of Hungarian goulash.

Wear this.

It's my motion-
sickness band.

You've had these all along
and no one told me about them?

A woman has to keep
a little mystery.

[ fanfare plays]

[ applause and cheering]

Well, have a good show, Philip.

You, too, Lillian.

[ crowd gasps]

[ applause]

Way to go, dork.

You, too, creep.

[ drumroll]

[ fanfare plays]

[ drumroll]

[ applause]

[ growling]

Retreat!

[ fanfare plays]

AUDIENCE:
Oh...

[ applause]

Achoo!

[ applause]

Ladies
and gentlemen,

a very valuable item
has been stolen

and I have to search everyone
in this room.

[ gasps]

Hand over your shoes, please.

[ sniffs]

[ laughter]

You will do
whatever I say.

Bark like dog.

[ barking heartily]

Suck thumb like baby.

[ audience laughs]

[ crying]

Walk like dinosaur.

[ snarling]

[ gasps]

[ cheers and applause]

[ fanfare plays]

[ fanfare plays]

Hey, thanks for
helping me with my act.

No prob.

You were aces.

And you were
beyond awesome.

Um, even though
I'm going
to miss you,

a lot,

you belong
with these people.

Oh. I was
kind of hoping

you weren't going
to say that.

Why not?

Don't get me wrong.

I like these
circus people.

But they're
kind of annoying.

Am I annoying?

Yes.

But in a totally my-life-
would-be-boring-without-you way.

If you don't want to go...If you don't
want me to go...

[ laughing]

[ throatily]:
Young merman,

you have brought
the treasure

which rightfully
belongs to me,

the great Ascobar,

master of all
sea life.

Leader of all
who have gills!

I grant you legs!

Now use them
to run away

before I take
them back.

[ growls]

[ laughs]

[ Tommy and Dil laughing]

[ retching]

CLOWN:
You will do whatever I say
no matter how ridiculous.