10x10 - Jake the Starchild

Episode transcripts for the show, "Adventure Time". Aired: April 5, 2010 - September 3, 2018.*
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Twelve- year-old Finn battles evil in the Land of Ooo.
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10x10 - Jake the Starchild

Post by bunniefuu »

[Mouse squeaks]

[Penguins chirp]

[Screeches]

[All cheering]

[Screeches]

[Quacks]

J“ “Adventure Time“ J“

I Come on, grab your friends J“

J‘ We're going to
very distant lands I

J“ With Jake the dog
and Finn the human J‘

J“ The fun will never end r

J‘ It‘s “Adventure Time“ I

FINN:
Hey, Kim KiI Whan.

We solved the mystery
of the haunted office.

It was Clock Bear
the whole time.

Yeah, uh,
Jake's around here somewhere.

Man, it's crazy to think
I was born here.

In this alley.

Popped right out of my dad's
head for some reason.

Yaah!
You scared me there,

what with the appearing
out of thin air

and staring at me all creepy.

And now just you're reaching
towards me.

[Coughs]
Let's go, son.

[Laughs evilly]

Son?

I ain't nobody‘s son
but Joshua and Margaret!

Though it is weird that you got

exactly the same
stretchy power as me.

[Laughs]
It‘s not weird.

It's fate!

We have to leave, like --
[Grunts]

Right now!

JAKE: Wait!
Can Finn come with us?

We're kind of a package deal.

Oh, that's kind of a bad idea.

Our home world's atmosphere is,
uh, poisonous to his kind.

Well, then,
I'd better write him a note.

Destiny calls!

Whoa!

FINN: Jake?

Who are you, anyway?

My name is Warren Ampersand.

I'm your alien bio—dad!
Heh-heh.

Why do you keep laughing?

[Laughs]
I'm nervous.

[Warble!]

[Laughs]
Ah.

[Coughs]
Welcome to your home planet.

Nerraw.

Great fantasy sci—fi vibe, man.

And that black hole really adds
an extra dimension to the place.

Years ago,
I left this beautiful planet

and traveled to 000

to implant my destiny—rich,
stretchy DNA

into a compatible host.

That explains a lot, actually.

But now I‘m dying.

What?

I used the last of my strength

[Coughs] to bring you home.

[Gasps]
He's here!

Huh?

-Is that Jake?
- It's really him!

Did you see him?
Look over there.

- Look. [Gasps]
—[Gasps] That's Jake!

Warren,
how does everyone know me?

Because you're
the most important person

to have ever lived.

Behold!

The Jakeseum!

A museum?
All about me?!

-[AII gasp]
— It's Jake!

— Jake! Jake!
- It's Jake!

Will you sign my prophecy book?

Will you sign my pretzel?

This is wild.

But it feels so right, you know?

[Gasps]

Hey!

It's my 5th birthday party.

And my graduation.

And when I put
a snail in my mouth.

And when a snail
put me in its mouth.

And...

No.
I don't remember this one.

[Warren laughs]

That's an artist's
interpretation

of the great prophecy.

Tomorrow, you are prophesied
to battle Ixcano,

a monster with tentacles
stretching across the galaxy

to strangle everything.

You alone can banish him
to the darkness.

I've researched your world and
created the ideal child room.

See?

Space stuff...

dinosaurs...

and cowboys.

Cool.

But you know it‘s a little late

to try connecting with me,
right?

[Gasps]
Is that clown cake for me?

[Chomp!]

[Chuckles]

I got you something else, too.

[Gasps]

[Gasps]

[Twinkle!]

What do you think
of your old dad's present?

I love it!

Still never gonna
call you Dad, though.

Oh, I wouldn't dream of asking.

But I hope you don't mind
if I still wear this.

[Twinkle!]

[All cheering]

Good luck, Jake!

Savior us!

[Laughs]

This is the Sacred Temple
of Pannishment.

The temple door
can only be unlocked

by a stretchy dog.

JAKE:
With key ha—a—a—a—a...

Uh...

Beyond this door,

there lies an ancient,
awesome w*apon

called The Panzark.

I am so ready for this!

This must be why I can stretch!

Yeah, that totally tracks.

Hup!

[Laughs]

[Laughs]

[Grunts]

This is so complicated
and rewarding.

You're doing great, son!

Almost there.

[Grunting]

[All chanting "Jake"]

[Grunting]

[Sighs]

[Doors creak]

[Crowd cheers]

[Laughs weakly]

The Panzark!

[Grunts]

[Crowd cheering]

Yay!

[Moans]

Saving the galaxy's exhausting.

I'm dying——

for a soft pretzel with mustard.

[Groans]

"Pri—tzels!"

Oh.
"Pri-vate."

WARREN: Hello, there,
you handsome, young devil.

Have we met?

Oh, wait, it's just me!

I didn't recognize
this smooth, young skin

or these vigorous kneecaps.

[Snoring]

OOH!

It's another clown cake

with a side
of cocktail hot dogs.

Dude, weren‘t you, like, dying?

Shush, son!

Ixcano approacheth!

[Rumbling]

[Creature growling]

[Crowd screaming]

Oh, dang.

I'll go grab the Panzark.

So how do I -—

You just gotta stretch

through the convolutions
of the Panzark

to activate its k*ll beam.

More stretching, huh?

[Grunts]

Here comes the hero.

Stretch, baby!
Stretch!

[Grunting]

[Crowd cheering]

You're doing it, son!

Ugh. This is too much.
[Grunts]

[Lasers fire]

[Groaning]

Jake!

CROWD:
Jake! Jake! Ja-

What's going on?

Where's that Ixcano jerk?

I have a confession.

There's no Ixcano.

I made it all up.

So...you're not really dying?

No, I was dying.

I needed to siphon your
precious, stretchy essence

to keep me young and viriIe.

I use these belts as a conduit.

The more you stretch,
the stronger I grow!

I've done it hundreds of times
to hundreds of sons.

But I never felt guilty before.

Maybe it's because you're so
much cooler than my other kids.

Well, I am cool.

Or maybe it‘s this feeling

your kind calls...
low-key affection?

I —- I low—key affection you,
son.

[Smoochl]

I'm sorry, Dad.

I wasn't powerful enough
to destroy Ixcano!

-[Sobbing]
- What? No.

It was just me stretching
the whole time.

The Panzark.
The people.

You're just saying that
to make me feel better.

I'll prove it.

I'm Finn!

I like pizza
and dangerous girls.

And here's Joshua!

I'm no Warren Ampersand,
but I guess I raised you.

[Chuckles]
Do more!

I'm Lady!
Neigh.

Oh, I know.
You like parties!

Here‘s a bunch of party bears!

[Laughs]
Make more party bears!

And make the treehouse!

Put party bears
on the treehouse!

Put party bears in the sky!

[Chuckles weakly]
Okay.

Keep stretching, you old phony.

It only makes me stronger!

Belt switch!
But how?!

Old—fashioned grifting, ya rube!

[Sobbing]

My real dad
taught me that trick.

But I was a proud pop!

I'm the proud pop
of a whole bunch of pups.

The belt totally applies
to me, as well.

See?

Five stretchy pups.

Whuh-Oh.

You saved me after all!

[Warble!]

[Groans]
Out of juice.

I need those pups!

Don't even think about it!

Can't wait to meet my grandkids
and drain their essence.

JAKE:
Aw, nah!

Leave my kids alone!

If you destroy me,

you'll be stuck
on that rock forever!

My pups are worth it!

Not the singularity!

Ijust wanted to live forever!

I see now.

This fleshy form has taken me
as far as it can.

I'm going 4—D, baby.

[Ting!]

JAKE:
Bye, Warren Ampersand.

Thanks for reminding me
what it means to be a good dad

by being the worst dad ever.

Never even got a pretzel.

J“ Come along with me I

r And the butterflies and bees J‘

This party is so crazy!
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