01x02 - Flea or Die!/CatDog Food

[bunniefuu]

♪ One fine day
with a woof and purr ♪

♪ a baby was born
and it caused a little stir ♪

♪ no blue bug
and no three-eyed frog ♪

♪ just a feline, canine,
little catdog ♪

♪ catdog... catdog... ♪

♪ alone in the world
was a little catdog ♪

♪ out on the road
or back in town ♪

♪ all kind of critters
putting catdog down ♪

♪ got to rise above it,
got to try to get along ♪

♪ got to walk together,
got to sing this song ♪

♪ catdog... catdog... ♪

♪ alone in the world
was a little catdog ♪

♪ catdog... catdog... ♪

♪ alone in the world
was a little catdog. ♪

You think we can meet
pretty girls, cat?

Hey, stick with me,
dog, and I'll learn you

all the tricks
of the trade.

Step number one is you've
got to be cool at all times.

Wha?
Wa-wa-wa whoo!

Wa-wa!
Wa-ahh!

Water, I'm in water!

Save me, save me, save me,
save me, save me!

Cat, cat, I'm falling.

( Crashing )

Water gets me in
so much...

Hot water!

Hey, cat!

How about that bathing
beauty over there?

( Wolf whistles )

Oh, if you set
your sights low enough

you're bound to score.

But, over there...

Me-ow!

Act cool, and, uh

let me do all the talking.

Uh, ooh,
okay, cat.

Well, hello, ladies.

You seem to be in need
of some companionship.

Mind if a couple
of mellow hunks

join you on
your beach blanket?

Actually, we're just
about to play ball.

Want to join us?

Ba-ba-ba-ba

ba-ba-ba-ba!

( Laughs )

Ba-ba-ba-ball.

Dog! Dog, no!

( Screams )

Dog:
Ball, ball, ba-ba-ball!

Cat:
No!

What the...?

Both:
Whoo, whoo!

( Bugs buzzing )

What's all this
horse-swangling nonsense?

Hey, I'm talking
to you, mutt-butt

you circus freak.

Snot-nosed frat-case.

Some people come
to the beach to relax

and take it easy.

sh*t pot! Two-for-one special.

( Cheering )

Can't a guy come here
to get a tan?

You young punks
taking over the beaches.

It used to be a nice,
peaceful place.

Hmm...

Well, well, well

let's just see
what the problem is.

Oops, wrong channel.

( Buzzing )

Fleas( Shouting ):
Salutations!

Rabbit:
Yup, you got fleas.

Fleas?

Rabbit:
'Fraid so.

But i can't have fleas.

You got 'em.

No, no, no.

No one in my family

has ever had fleas.

Sorry.

This is your fault!

Um... um... um.

Why did you have to go
near that beach rat?

don't worry, cat, the doc
will fix us right up.

How about it, doc?

The best cure
for your condition is...

The flea dip.

A soothing, medicinal bath.

See, i told you.

That bath will
fix us right up.

What bath? What?

Like with moisture
and water?

Fleas no more.

Cat:
No, no, wait!

I am not going in that... bath.

Doc, aren't there
any other options?

Mm-hmm.

( Squeaking )

Rabbit:
What do i got here?

Let's see. Aha!

The shrinker and parkmeyer
corrective flea belt.

Ooh, definitely a fashion crime.

Do you have anything
in seersucker?

Listen, cat, it's either the
bath, the belt or the exit.

Take your pick.

Mmm, oh, give me
the belt!

I don't care what
that doctor said.

I think this new
belt is, uh...

Snazzy.

Oh, um, hello.

New belt?

Oh, why,
yes, it is.

It's funny-looking.

As if i asked
your opinion.

I don't think
it's funny at all.

( All giggling )

I don't think it's funny,
either, cat.

( All laughing loud and hard )

Here come your friends
from the beach.

They just can't resist
my animal magnetism.

Doggy, old boy, watch
the master close the deal.

Ladies, fancy
meeting you here.

Oh, who dressed you?

Beach cat :
What are you wearing?

Your grandma's girdle?

Beach cat :
U-g-l-y.
( Laughs )

TV announcer:
Fashion experts
around the country agree

belts are out this season.

Frenchman:
As you see, none of our models
are wearing belts.

Only a total loser would
wear

a belt this season.

You had to go near
that beach rat.

( Door slams )

Hi, winslow.

Hiya, catdog.

What's happening,
pal?

Hey, well, you know... whoa!

Jumping jibber.

Are you guys wearing
a flea belt?

That's the most repulsive
thing I've ever seen.

Belts are out, man.

They're squaresville.

Nobody wears belts
any more, nobody.

Well, it's not my belt.

Am i seeing things?

It's on you, you're wearing it.

No, no, no,
it's not my belt.

It's, it's
dog's belt.

Here, just so
there's no mistake.

I wouldn't be caught
dead wearing that belt.

But what about
your fleas?

Fleas, fleas?

No one in my family's

ever had fleas, remember?

I haven't scratched in hours.

Good thinking, cat.

Well, good luck.

( Snoring )

( Buzzing )

( Shouting, laughing )

( Snoring )

( Buzzing )

Okay. I'm fine, I'm good, yeah.

I don't need that belt.

I'm much too chic
to wear that belt, really.

I mean,
i could steal it from dog

but i wouldn't be
caught dead wearing it.

I'm fashionable.

Yeah, in fact, i look good.

( Fleas singing
conga line tune )

I'm no fool, 'cause,
i feel fine.

Fleas, fleas everywhere!

I never imagined things could
get this bad, did you, dog?

Dog?

Hiya.

( Yowling )

( Laughing demonically... )

( Birds chirping )

( Snores )

( Yawning )

Morning, cat.

Cat, are you okay?

Dog, help me.
I need the flea belt.

I don't care how i look.

Oh, cool.

Please!

Yeah, sure, cat.

Here you go.

Oh, thank you, dog, thank you.

Sure, cat.

Anything i...

Flea:
Dogward, ho!

Hey!
Give me that belt.

Back to the cat.

Dog or bust!

Get your paws
off that, dog.

It's mine, i want it.

Dog:
Give me that,
i must have that belt.

Whee!

Oh, great.

Cat:
The belt is mine,
you beach-rat lover.

I need it, i need it.

These fleas are
k*lling me!

( Arguing )

Just take your beach-rat-
loving off my belt.

It's my belt.

Please.
I need it.

don't take that belt
away from me.

To the dog!

To the cat!

Cat, this is stupid.

You take the belt.

At least one of us
should be happy.

Thank you, dog.

And you're right,
it should be me.

I'm glad you came
to our senses.

To the dog!

( Flea plays cavalry charge )

( Cheering )

Dog, dog!

Can you hear me?

( Fleas cheering )

I'm okay.

Dog!

Hold on, dog,
I'll save you.

I'm coming, doggy.

Dog, dog.

Here, here, here,
take the, take the belt.

There you go.

You're okay now, right?

R-right, uh, uh...
Mother.

Okay, we're
all better now.

Dog!

Oh, these fleas are

totally out of control.

Even the belt
can't help us now.

And it's all my fault.

My vanity has destroyed
my good pal, dog.

I've got to save him!

Now hold still.

Aah!

( Knocking on door )

I'm with a patient.

I'm coming.

Cool your jets.
Who is it?

( Gasps )

Leaping lumbago.

Help me... please.

Bath.... need... bath.

Slowly, slowly, slowly...

( Fleas wailing )

Animal! Animal!

( Splutters )

See, cat,
it wasn't so bad.

Now we're flea-free.

( Gasps )

Well...

At least i don't have to wear

that tacky belt any more.

( Sighs )

You just stick with me, dog.

I'm a cat that knows style.

What is going on here?

Everybody's wearing
those ugly belts!

No belt?

Um, how could...
Well, no, we...

It's funny.

Has everyone gone nuts?

Cat :
Hello, catdog.

Where's your belt?

Hello, fellows.

Nice to see your flea problem

is under control.

Oh, uh, by the way...

You'd better get hip
and get a belt.

Oh, come on.

( Fleas cheering, laughing )

Cat, are you sure this is
how you meet girls?

Just sh**t me.

( Bouncy jingle playing... )

New, from the makers
of pickled bananas

and chicken ripple ice cream
comes choco kraut

the delicious chocolate
Sauerkraut squeeze drink.

Hi, I'm Barry the baboon.

And I'm ape for choco kraut.

And that ain't
no monkey business.

Choco kraut. Now in handy
six-pack and industrial size.

I love Barry the baboon.

He gives me goose bumps.

Yeah! Boy, that baboon's
got it all, doesn't he?

Chiseled good looks

animal magnetism
and a sweet gig.

Us? We're broke.

( Stomach growling )

Cat, I'm hungry.

I know. We need a job.

What's that?

Cat:
A newspaper.

We've been through this.

Dog:
"Cats wanted
for cat food tasting.

"Cash and free food.

( Sadly ):
Cats only."

Pay dirt, dog!

♪ La, la, la, la ♪

( humming )

Shh!

Remember, dog

this gig is
for cats only.

So stay out of sight
and keep quiet!

Roger.

( Resumes humming )

Dog!

♪ La, la, la ♪

♪ doo, doo, doo, doo, doo... ♪

welcome, miserable
participants.

All cats will be paid upon
completion of the survey.

Whatever you do,
don't disappoint me.

( Hisses quietly )

( With foreign accent ):
Eh... excuse me.

Eh, excuse me.

Uh, wh-what's
going on?

Hey! Hey, what
are you doing?!

What did i do?

I just wanted to ask
a question! Wait!

Help me, i just
got declawed

and now I'm getting
deported!

Please eat the food

in the order
it is served to you.

Prepare for meal number one,
"sea captain's dinner."

( Whirring )

( Rumbling )

( Splat )

You may begin eating.

Meal number two,
"i can't believe it's ankles."

Meal number three,
"flamingo feast."

( Squeaking )

( Whispering ):
Cat, hey, cat.

Get some more, um

"i can't believe
it's ankles."

( Groans under breath )

Yeah. How about
some "flamingo feast"?

( Muffled groaning,
whimpering )

( Microphone feedback )

Excuse me, could we

get some more of, um...

Everything
for table , please?

( Splat )

( Slobbering )

What's the ruckus?

Wha, wha, what?

Is that a canine at station ?

( Cats screech )

Stand by, station .

Hmm, cat food a dog likes.

Station

what did you think
about the food?

Zesty. I found it zesty.

( Sobbing ):
...Broken all
the rules.

So, you liked
the cat food?

Did i ever!

You both liked
the cat food?

Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
i-i-i loved it.

Hmm...

New, from the people

who brought you choco kraut.

Hey, you got dog food...

In my cat food.

Dog:... oop, that's me.

Um, you got cat food
in my dog food!

Both:
Mmm, mmm!

Catdog food!

Contains no more than % ash.

Fine work, gentlemen.

Catdog food's
the cat's meow--

or should i say
the catdog's meow?

( Laughing heartily )

Any idea what your
saturation index is?

Twelve? Two?

!

And, at

you can't go any higher!

You're totally saturated...

And then some.

Saturated?

Is that
a good thing?

Let me put it another way.

( Cheering )
If that's not saturation

I'm an armadillo's snout!

( Chanting ):
Catdog, catdog...

Those people
are here for me?

You betcha!

You're going to be big

colossal, gargantuan

walloping
and other synonyms for big.

Hmm...

Hey, cat, i can see
our house from here.

( Elevator bell rings )

Gentlemen, be proud.

Be very proud.

You've launched
a food product.

( Chanting ):
Catdog, catdog, catdog...

Look at them.

They're gaga over us, dog...
Gaga!

( Crunch )

( Engine purring )

( Dies down )

Well, kiss my shorts.

It's catdog,
the new kid on the block.

You're b-b-Barry, the...

( Stammering,
yelps )

Barry the baboon!

That's right.

I can't believe it.

It's him, it's him,
it's him, it's him

it's him, it's him

it's him, it's him,
it's him!

Listen, dog, dog, dog,
we're ad mascots now.

We represent
a hip new food product.

We've got to show
a little panache, a little cl...

( Yelps )

I heard about
your saturation index.

, hot stuff.

You're up there with Barry.

You're so much bigger
than on TV.

Boy, you're so fa...

( Clears throat )

What dog means to say is

you're so...
Fantastic.

( Muffled ):
No, i did not.

You're fat.

Barry understands the confusion.

The camera takes off
at least five pounds.

How often do you
change the tub water?

What water?

Newsreel announcer:
First stop on catdog's meteoric
rise to fame, swankers.

( Bulbs bursting in flurry )

Next stop, magazine coversville:

Sports illustrations...

Timelyish...

Snazzy...

And toll booth monthly.

Catdog got so big

they had a rest stop

named after them
on the Jersey turnpike.

Canada changed
its name to "catdog."

As their fame grew, so did cat.

Dog was left carrying the bags.

And, as if that wasn't enough

cat insisted the nation of
catdog drop "dog" from its name.

Now Canada
was just called "cat."

Hey, watch the water!

Can't you see
that you're getting cat wet?

( Honks twice )

Look out!

Help, cat, the dog-eating squid
is sucking my face!

( Screams )

It's eating my eyeballs!

Look out, cat!

Mad octopus!

He loves to eat cats.

Banzai away!

Incoming.

Oh, boy,
it's a Tsunami!

Look out, cat,
tidal wave!

Stop your childish
high jinks this instant.

( Doorbell ringing,
a dog barking )

Dog... ( Sighs )

Would you answer
the door already?

( Persistent ringing )

( A dog barking,
a cat screeching )

Gentlemen!

Who is it, dog?

It's that rabbit guy
who loves us so much.

Oh, yes. Show him in.

Rabbit:
Catdog food has been

an unmitigated bonanza.

A boom...

A cash cow!

Now we are ready for phase two
of the operation:

Merchandising!

Catdog hotel towel...

Catdog bleach...

Catdog brick.

And you can't forget

the catdog bus pass!

Man alive,
our very own bus pass!

Bow-wow-wow

i can't believe it!

Pretty spiffy, huh?

Not one bit spiffy.

You actually
expect cat

to put his name
on that crud heap?

Why, cat has never seen
anything more pathetic

in any of cat's
nine lives.

Oh, no-- there's one
thing more pathetic

and that's you,
Mr. rabbit!

Now get out!

Out, i say!

Out through cat's big door!

Oh... ahh!

Oh, my ventricle!

Dog, my oxygen, quick.

Dog, please show this
parasitic ingrate out.

Um, cat, he's long gone.

Really?

Well... he'll be back.

He needs cat.

New, from the people
who brought you choco kraut!

Hey, you got dog food...

In my cat food!

( Sighs happily )

Music to my ears.

It's catdog food,
the new taste sen...

( Sound dies in garble )

That catdog food
was terrible.

That's right, parakeet.

It made me want to puke.
( Burps )

And how about that catdog?

Bunch of losers,
if you ask me.

Boy, am i glad
they got the boot.

Rabbit:
And that's why you should buy
hamster-parakeet food.

Yes, friends,
make sure you throw away

any skanky catdog food
you have left over.

Act now and get a free hamster-
parakeet bus pass and brick.

( Air escaping )

( Ice clinking )

I love these guys.

They give me goose bumps.

( Bursts into sobs )

What have i done?

That could have been our brick!

Oh, I'm so sorry, dog.

I blew it, i blew it,
i blew it!

I blew
the whole deal

the kit and caboodle,
the big enchilada.

It's all right, cat.

Really?

( Plays beeping tones
on cat's collar )

Mmm, well, that was weird.

Dog:
Hey, cat, I'm ordering
some hamster-parakeet food.

Cat:
That's good.

Hey, what do you want

the brick
or the bus pass?

Right, give me
the brick.

♪ One fine day
with a woof and purr ♪

♪ a baby was born
and it caused a little stir ♪

♪ no blue bug ♪

♪ and no three-eyed frog ♪

♪ just a feline, canine
little catdog ♪

♪ catdog... catdog... ♪

♪ alone in the world
was a little catdog ♪

♪ out on the road
or back in town ♪

♪ all kind of critters
putting catdog down ♪

♪ got to rise above it,
got to try to get along ♪

♪ got to walk together,
got to sing this song ♪

♪ catdog... catdog... ♪

♪ alone in the world
was a little catdog ♪

♪ catdog... catdog... ♪

♪ alone in the world
was a little catdog. ♪