01x19 - Smarter than the Average Dog/CatDog Doesn't Live Here Anymore

[bunniefuu]

♪ One fine day
with a woof and a purr ♪

♪ a baby was born
and it caused a little stir ♪

♪ no blue bug
and no three-eyed frog ♪

♪ just a feline, canine,
little catdog ♪

♪ catdog... catdog... ♪

♪ alone in the world
was a little catdog ♪

♪ out on the road
or back in town ♪

♪ all kind of critters
putting catdog down ♪

♪ got to rise above it,
got to try to get along ♪

♪ got to walk together,
got to sing this song ♪

♪ catdog... catdog... ♪

♪ alone in the world
was a little catdog ♪

♪ catdog... catdog... ♪

♪ alone in the world
was a little catdog. ♪

( Birds singing )

( Horns honking )

( Mud squishing )

( Whimpering )

( Mud squishing )

( Yelps )

Ow! Ooh, ow!

( Engine huffs )

( Sighs in relief )

You know, dog

it wasn't always
like this.

In the old days,
cats were revered...

Respected...

Treated like royalty!

( Sighs )

( Starts laughing )

You're so funny, cat,
you're a comedian!

All right, fine,
I'll prove it.

A little
history lesson, dog.

Ah...

( Sneezes )

( Grunting in disgust )

( Cat sighs contentedly )

"Cats through history..."

( Whip cracks,
followed by scream )

( Whip cracks, scream )

Mmm. Mmm...

This date is tart.

( Spits )

I hate tart.

It offends
my royal palate.

Sorry, royal cat.

It won't happen again.

( Sighs )
See that it doesn't.

Now, prepare my pedicure.

My, uh, cuticles
have grown unkempt.

Yes, royal cat.

I'll do your
nails, too.

How's a pharaoh
supposed to rest in peace

when his own tomb is in pieces?!

Spread out!

Oh, master!

Oh, now,
come on, now, pharaoh.

You're fit as fiddle!

You'll be with us
for a good long time.

Aw...

Royal cat.

( Whimpering )

You do love me, don't you?
Yes, you do.

( Whispering ):
Not particularly

but this royal gig's
too sweet to give up.

( Sighs )

I feel weary.

I must nap.

Make sure the slaves
get moving on my pyramid.

So it is written,
so it shall be done.

( Feebly ):
Very good.

Eeh, let's roll.

Okay, slavish ones.

The royal cat
is up for some sand-skiing.

( Groaning )

Faster, you
lazy sumerians!

( Groaning and grunting )

I thought this
is what they

invented
camels for.

Royal cat, how come

i always have to be
on the bottom?

I mean, couldn't
we take turns?

Take... tur...?

( Laughs heartily )

That's, that's priceless!

Oh, thank you, sl*ve dog, oh!

I needed a good laugh.

I'm serious.

Look, sl*ve dog

we've been over this
a thousand times.

It's the royal order
of things.

I'm in my place

and you are in yours.

( Laughs )

( Laughs harder )

( Sniffling, weeping )

Oh, I'm sorry...

But this is...

The greatest story...

Ever told.

Well, i don't think
it's so great.

And i think

you're making
the whole thing up.

Oh, really?
Well, read it and weep.

"Royal cat..."

Royal cat, that's me.

Yeah, that's you.

"Finished his sand-skiing

"and he and the slaves headed

back to the palace."

( Dog grunting )

We must do this again tomorrow.

Everyone check your schedules

and chisel it in, say, noonish?

( Grunting... )

( Grunting... )

( Sighs contentedly )

It doesn't get
much better than this.

( Grunts )

Maybe it does...

If you catch my drift.

What are you talking about,
sand rodent?

don't you get it?

Once the pharaoh kicks

somebody's going
to have to run the show.

Well, sure, but i...

Of course!

I've got the noble bloodlines,
the regal demeanor...

Ooh, pharaoh cat.

Whoo! I like the sound of that.

( Pharaoh grunting )

Shouldn't be
too long, neither.

The old coot's already
got one foot

in the pyramid.

Pharaoh:
Royal cat?

Why is it taking them
so long to finish?

You know,
it's hard to get

good sl*ve labor these days.

( Groans )

It's just that the sooner
my tomb gets built

the sooner i can...

Sleep the big sleep.

Cat:
Hey, servants,
the great rancidhotep

needs a pyramid built!

What's the hold-up here?
Come on!

But you had
us sand-skiing...

Ow!

sl*ve dog, move those rocks

or you, too, will face my wrath!

No!

Your reign
of terror is over!

Down with
the royal cat!

Others:
Down with the royal cat!

( All growling )

No. Royal cat loses,
sl*ve dog wins.

The end.

What? Give me that!

( Laughs )

Nice try, dog.

( Chuckling )

Now, here's what it really says.

( Previous lines
running backwards )

And you, sl*ve dog

move those rocks

or you too will
face my wrath.

Yes, royal cat,
at once

if not sooner.

Excellent groveling.

Now, that's the spirit.

Remember, it's the
royal order of things.

I am in my place...

And i am in mine.

Exactly.

( Dog grunting )

( Grunts )

( Grunts )

( Grunts )

I did it!

Me!

By myself w-w-with
these bare hands

i built the pyramid all alone!

I am a leader.

I am a ruler.

I am king!

I... am...

Pharaoh!

( Echoing ):
Pharaoh, pharaoh, pharaoh...

So, what do you think
of your tomb, rancidhotep?

Oh, it's to die for!

( Clang )

( Sobbing ):
Oh, why, why, why, why?

( Sobbing )

Okay, well, that'll
be enough of that.

It's mummy time!

Hup, hup, hup, hup, hyup!

Ah... good idea.

Got to look all spiffy
for my coronation

as the new pharaoh.

( Feedback )

Testing... one, two, three...

Testing.

Now... let's give a great big

fertile Crescent welcome

to your new pharaoh...

Me...
( Yelps )

Me, rancidhotep ii!

Look, rancy, there's
got to be some mistake.

Oh, there's
no mistake.

You're going into the
tomb with my uncle

and all his other
possessions.

Would you do
the honors?

Oh, with pleasure.

With great pleasure!

Uh, uh, with them.

No! No, you can't do...

Cease and desist.

( Yelling )

( Grunts )

Cat:
What kind of lousy, stup...

This is the worst
story ever told.

But cat, that's
not the end.

It gets worse.

Isn't this just great?

Me and you, sl*ve dog,
locked in this tomb forever!

sl*ve dog?

sl*ve dog?

( Yelling ):
Oh... no!

No! Let me out of here!

Let me out!

sl*ve dog.

I command you,
let me out... now!

Sorry, royal cat,
it's like you said.

You have your place

and i have mine!

( Laughing )

( Cat shrieking... )

( Laughing )

Hey, cat,
what you doing?

( Humming )
Writing in my diary.

Oh!

What's a diary?

( Sucks teeth )

It is my private journal

where, in private, i privately
write down my private thoughts.

Oh, private!
I want to see!

No, dog.

Private means
it's for my eyes only.

Do you write stuff
about me in your diary?

( Sighs )
Maybe... maybe not.

Oh, oh, let me read!

Let me read!

( Grunts )

( Grunts )

( Cat howls )

Cat:
Ow, ow, ow, ow!

( Panting )

( Yelling )

Whoo-hoo!

Cat:
No, no, no, no, no, wait...

( Crashing )

( Howls )

don't, stop...

don't you get it, dog?

You never, ever, ever, ever,
never read someone else's diary.

That's the rule.

Oh, okay, okay.

I want my own diary.

So much exciting things,
i don't know where to start.

So, um, how's your,
uh, diary coming?

Fine, just fine.

( Humming )

How do you spell "cat"?

Capital "c"

capital... hey!

Are you writing
about me?

Maybe, maybe not.

Good night, cat.

( Snoring )

( Grunts )

( Snoring... )

Let me see, now.

"Dear diary, my name is dog"

blah, blah, blah.

( Snoring )

Where's the good stuff,
the dirt?

( Murmuring )

Uh...

( Murmuring )

Cat?!

Is that you?

( Laughs nervously )

Hey, what are you doing

with my diary?

Ah...

You forgot
to lock it.

So i... woke up to...

Lock it for you.

Oh.

Thanks, cat.

You're welcome.

You always help me out.

( Laughs )

'Night.

Yeah, well...

( Chuckling ):
Yeah.

Good night.

( Snoring )

Let me see...

Here's my name.

"Cat is the most trustworthy
person i know."

What, that's it?

What a lame diary.

Winslow:
Hey, cat.

Could you say that again?

I want to sh**t it
from a different angle.

( Chuckling )

Give me that,
you little twerp.

I think I'll
hold onto it.

But I'll tell
you what:

You be my personal
servant for a week

and then I'll give you
the tapesy-wapesy.

( Laughs )

But that's blackmail!

Yeah, i know.

Check this out.

It's pretty juicy stuff.

"Cat is the most trustworthy
person i know."

Maybe i ought
to wake dog

and give him
a little screening.

( Snoring )

No, no, please,
winslow.

You can't show
that to dog.

He'd never forgive me.

Then I'll see you

first thing
in the morning,
servant boy.

( Laughing )

( Yawning )

Oh!

Dear diary, i am now waking up.

( Ringing )

What do you want?

I'll have two eggs
with a side of bacon
and...

Get it yourself.

Yoo-hoo.

( Gasps )

Oh, no.

Would you like those eggs
scrambled or sunny-side up?

( Gobbling )

( Bell ringing )

Ah...

( Bell ringing )

Dear diary,
i am now following cat

who has a spiffy new outfit on.

( Growls )

Well, what can i do
for you, winslow?

Eh?

( Flatly ):
Master winslow.

Oh, i got a little
laundry for you to do.

( Flies buzzing )

And i like my dainties
hand-washed.

( Laughs )

( Laughs )

( Growling ):
You...

( Ringing )

( Whistles )

( Yelps )

( All chatting )

( Tweeting )

( Bell ringing )

Winslow:
Oh, cat!

( Bell ringing, gongs chiming )

( Screaming )

( Snoring )

( Titters )

Hmm...

( Beeps )

( Clanging )

Ah.
( Chuckles )

( Snaps )

( Howls )

Ow... oh...

( Chuckling )

Bingo.

( Groaning )

( Laughs )

Oh, cat.

Hey, move my barbells
up to the attic...

And then...

Not today, rodent!

Rodent?

What happened to
"your highness"?

This.

And now it's time
for some payback.

( Chuckling )

Oh, yeah.

Oh.

( Both laughing )

You... shouldn't
be laughing.

What's so funny?

That wasn't my only copy,
you knucklehead.

And there's plenty more
where these came from.

You've been
a very bad cat, cat.

As punishment, I'm going
to extend your servitude to...

Let's see, today's Tuesday.

Wednesday... five years!

( Laughing )

( Squeaking )

Dog:
Gee, cat

i love writing in my diary.

I never thought i had so many...
Thoughts.

( Doorbell rings )

( Dog barks, cat meows )

Door!

Hey, how's it going?

What are you, nuts?

Hey, catdog.

Hola, catdog.

( All shouting greetings )

Let me guess: Your family.

Yeah, i invited
some of the kinfolk over.

And they want
their toes flossed, too.

What are you waiting for,
pussycat?

Chop, chop!

No! I can't take the abuse
anymore!

It's... it's just not worth it.

I quit!

Oh, really?

( Grunting )

( Muffled ):
don't do that, don't do that!

Cat, that is not very nice.

I thought you and winslow
were friends.

Friends?

What are you, insane?

I hate his guts!

Hey, hey, come on!

I'm being chased in here.

I'm dinner!

Listen, dog.

( Stammering )

I have a confession
to make.

I, uh, i... kind of...

( Winslow yelping )

...read your diary.

( Gasps )

You broke
the diary rule?

I know, i know,
i know.

And it was a bad
thing to do

but winslow did a worse thing.

He, he blackmailed me
and, and...

Cat, how could you?

I trusted you.

I, i, i...

You betrayed me!

Oh, dog, I'm...
I'm just sorry.

Please, it was
wrong of me

to read your diary.

I'll do anything
to make it up to you.

I'll do anything
you say.

I'm so sorry.

( Sobbing )

Anything...

( Panting )

Oh, this is great, cat.

With you as
my personal secretary

i can do all the stuff
i love to do

and still keep
a diary.

Okay, cat, now I'm running

through the garbage cans.

You getting that?

You getting that, cat?

Now I'm going
off the road.

( Grunting )
Oh, this is so fun.

Look, cat, cow pies!

You getting that, cat?

Yeah, I'm getting it,
all right!

♪ One fine day
with a woof and a purr ♪

♪ a baby was born
and it caused a little stir ♪

♪ no blue bug
and no three-eyed frog ♪

♪ just a feline, canine ♪

♪ little catdog ♪

♪ catdog... catdog... ♪

♪ alone in the world
was a little catdog ♪

♪ out on the road
or back in town ♪

♪ all kind of critters
putting catdog down ♪

♪ got to rise above it,
got to try to get along ♪

♪ got to walk together,
got to sing this song ♪

♪ catdog... catdog... ♪

♪ alone in the world
was a little catdog... ♪

♪ Alone in the world
was a little catdog. ♪