03x14 - The Trouble with Ricky

[bunniefuu]

What´s ricky doing here?

You know he´s not allowed
in the house.

I know, but he needed
a ride to the game.

Mr. Lopez,
can´t you forgive me?

Forgive you?
You b*rned down my garage!

Do you know
what´s buried right there?

No.

My melted golf clubs.

My lucky putter.

I four-putted on 18 that day,

And the last thing I said to
it was, "I hate you."

I said i´m sorry.

Why can´t you accept my
apology like mrs. Lopez?

She only forgave you because
you´re always telling her

How pretty she is.

You´re pretty, too.

Didn´t think he needed
to hear that from me.

Max, was ricky
in the house?

No.

Then why is there a bag
of potato chips

And two empty juice boxes
in the sink?

´Cause you left them there.

Mom said not to touch it

So you´d learn to
clean up after yourself.

Okay, that sounds like
something she might say.

But I know he was in here.

[ Sniffs ]
I can smell it.

[ Whistle blowing ]

What do you think?

Oh, thank god.

I almost wore
that same outfit today.

[ Laughs ]

Hey, i´m reffing
in max´s soccer league.

I just aced the test.

Let me guess.
Question number one --

Would you be willing
to wear this uniform?

Question number two --

Seriously, would you
wear this uniform?

Hey, make all the fun you want.
But you know what?

I love kids.
I love the game.

And you know, there´s some
divorced soccer moms out there.

And my calves
are my best feature.

Watch out.
Pow! Just like that.

You know, huh?
Whoo!

I know I wish I was that
pair of black socks right now.

Oh!

Ricky!

You were in the house!
You shook up all the cans.

No, I didn´t!

Oh, yeah? Were you or were
you not in the house?

[ Whistle blows ]

Hey, break it up!
Break it up, you two!

I´m gonna
call both your moms!

Hey, hey.

Wipe that look
off your face, george.

I´ll red card you!

[ Knock on door ]

Carmen: max, mom wants you down
for breakfast now!

Oh, man!

Dude! Dude!

Dude!
We overslept!

How are we gonna get you out of
here without my parents seeing?

Relax.

All we need
is a distraction.

Hey, can you
stop up a toilet?

Can I stop up a toilet?

Hey, twerp, better get
downstairs if you --

You are so dead.

Carmen,
please don´t say anything.

[ Sighs ]

All right, then you´ll have to
clean my room for a whole month.

No way!
Okay.

I´ll do it!

I´ll even make your bed and fold
that pink flannel sheet back

Just the way you like it.

Wait a second.
Have you been in my room?

No.

Unless you´re
down with it.

Yes, I am down with it.

And when you´re in my room,
you know what I want you to do?

Come here.

I could have told you
that was coming.

What are you doing, max?

Just throwing out
some old clothes.

Hey, max!

Bring that
trash bag over here.

I want to throw out
these coffee grounds.

That´s okay.
I´ll get another bag for you.

Why waste a bag?

I got to pour this
hot bacon grease in there.

It´s really full.

Well, then i´ll jump on it
and squash it down.

Aah!

Get back here, ricky!

George, how many times
have I told you?

Make sure they´re dead before
you put them in the bag.

Angie, start the oven!

We´re having ricky,
the other white meat.

[ Intro to w*r´s "low rider"
plays ]

♫ All my friends
know the low rider ♫

♫ The low rider
is a little higher ♫

You did it this time,
max.

You´re grounded for sneaking
ricky in the house.

He´s already grounded for
skateboarding in the house.

All right, then no video games
for a month!

We took them away

For eavesdropping
on the phone calls.

Allowance?

Took it away when
they b*rned down the garage.

Okay,
you leave me no choice.

For the rest
of the month...

You´re not allowed
to use your hands!

Mom!

Open the door
with your mouth.

Get your hand off the rail.

Ricky, does your mother
even know you´re here?

Yeah. I told her you said
I could sleep over.

I´m gonna call her and tell her
to come pick you up.

[ Sighs ]

Listen, mr. Lopez...

Wait.

Okay, she´s gone.
Get back in the bag.

I don´t trust you!

Huh? Did you think
you could get away with this?

This is my house, man,

And no one spends the night in
my house without me knowing it.

I slept here last weekend,
too.

You try it again and you´ll
be sleeping in the dumpster

With raccoons
gnawing off your face.

For the last time, son,
get out of the bag!

It´s dangerous!

I don´t want anything
to happen to you.

George, can I talk to you
outside?

Sure.
Are you okay, care bear?

Is his mom
coming to get him?

Yes.

In three days.

What?!

George, she´s going through
a tough time.

She just broke up with
her boyfriend, ray.

It´s been really ugly.

And brenda, the babysitter they
normally use, is ray´s sister.

So of course, she´s taking his
side and babysitting his kids,

Sarah and jessica.

None of this
would have happened

If they had
just stayed in montana.

You were on the phone
20 seconds.

I can´t help it.
I´m a listener.

And I heard someone
who needs our help.

He´s a bad influence
on max,

And I don´t want him
in the house.

Honey, it´s just
a couple of days.

We´ll watch him like hawks.

I really think
we should do this.

And I already
told her we would.

All right.

Now I get to make one decision
without consulting you.

No, i´m not
wearing the outfit again.

What´s the big deal?

It´s only on for,
like, 10 seconds.

No, you´re getting
too dependent on it.

Hey, what´s he doing
by the stove?

I´m making pancakes.
You want some?

They taste great.

Yeah?

They´re not that great.

Bet you can´t cook that chicken
that´s in the freezer.

I´ll see what I can do.

Yeah, you see what you can do
with those little red potatoes

And maybe a nice salad.

I don´t know.
Surprise me.

Wow, this smells great.

I cook for my mom
all the time.

She´s lucky to have you
for a son.

How come you don´t
cook anything for me, max?

´Cause I don´t have to work
for your love.

I mean, who´s my competition?
Carmen? I don´t think so.

Max, we better
get to school.

The coffee´s all set.

But I didn´t turn it on
so it will be fresh.

That kid´s up to something.
I just don´t know what it is.

George, ever since he got here
he´s been helpful and courteous.

He even made us breakfast.

He´s luring us in.

It´s like when I stay up
late at night

And put out
a little piece of cheese,

And when that first mouse
shows up,

I take out that little hammer
and bam!

I release him
into the wild.

George, let´s go!

I got to fill up
before we get to work.

I´m headed out, too.
I got a long day ahead of me.

Big plans, princess?

Yes, it´s la marie´s
community service day.

We´re giving free makeovers
to homeless women

To help them with
their self-esteem.

Oh, that´s so nice.

You know, it´s good
to look your best

When you´re having a shouting
match with a lamppost.

Come on, mom.
What angie does is important.

Thank you.

Wearing just
the right lipstick says,

"I may eat out of a dumpster
and pee in a milk carton,

But damn it, i´m a pretty,
pretty lady."

What do we do now?

What do you want to do?

Maybe we should go to school.
I have a test today.

[ High-pitched voice ]
I have a test today.

I´m a nerdy little girl.

I´m not a nerd.
I´m barely passing!

All right, then.
Let´s have some fun.

Hey, whose car keys
are these?

My dad´s.

Oh, man.
What happened?

I don´t want
to talk about it!

Ernie, don´t tell me some lie
about how you fell again.

Sooner or later, you´re gonna
have to leave that man.

Man, i´m done reffing soccer.

Why?

Last night,
I make one close call,

And then all of a sudden,

There´s a mob of angry parents
in my face.

Next thing I know,
i´m on the ground.

Some of those dads
get crazy.

Actually,
it was a soccer mom.

And she was pregnant,
so I couldn´t punch her back.

Hey, george,
max´s school´s on the phone.

They want to know
if he´s home sick.

He´s not sick.
I saw him leave this morning.

Well, he never showed up.

Ricky.
I knew it.

What happened?

You see, I was reffing
a soccer game --

Stop.

Already boring.

Max!

Max!!

Ricky: come on!
Try it again!

Max: it won´t move!
It´s stuck!

Get --
get out of the car!

No, save yourself!

Stay in the car,
lock the door!
Ernie!

Open the back for me!
Hurry!

He´s coming!
Hurry!

How the hell
did that happen?

Well, we were trying to
surprise you and wash your car,

But...
The hose was too short.

I love you, dad.

Look, I want the truth.

Okay, here´s what happened.

We ditched school,
but it was lucky

Because two gangbangers
were stealing your car.

We scared them away.

But when we were trying to put
the car back in the driveway,

We crashed, so...

I guess you´re welcome,
mr. Lopez!

You, you´re going back
to school.

We´ll deal with this
tonight.

And you --
you´re out of here, man!

I´m taking you back
to your mother.

And say goodbye to max.

Because that´s the last time
you´re gonna see him.

Do you know you could
have k*lled someone?!

Well, hey,
your mom sits out here.

What if she was
in that chair?

Don´t try to cheer me up!
Come on.

You two wait here.
I´ll talk to his mom alone.

All right.

You know, that was a pretty
stupid stunt you two pulled.

I know.

Do you think he´ll ever
let me see max again?

He´s pretty mad, ricky.

Max is my best friend.

You know what?

Once george cools down, i´ll try
and talk to him, all right?

Thanks, ernie.

[ Chuckling ]
actually, yeah.

One time, george and I
broke into school

With a whole bunch of
spray paint, and we, uh--

Made a banner that said,
"learning is cool."

Whoo!
Those were the days, man!

[ Slurred ] you´re not
the usual delivery guy.

Where´s my order?

No, i´m george lopez.
I brought ricky with me.

[ Laughs ]

What was ricky doing
at the liquor store?

Hey, no, i´m max´s dad.
Ricky was staying with us.

Ohh, you´ll have to excuse me.
I just woke up.

Why don´t you come in?

I´m waiting for some wine
to be delivered.

You know, it´s 10:30
in the morning.

It´s a white wine.

Listen, I got to talk
to you about ricky.

Oh, no, he´s not here.

I left him with
the nicest people.

You left him with me.

[ Laughing ]
ohh, i´m sorry!

I just can´t
think straight.

I just broke up
with my boyfriend

And i´m trying to
get my life together.

[ Sighs ]

Maybe I should call his dad.
Can I get his number?

Yeah. Not from me.

I have no idea
where he is.

But if you find him,
you tell that loser

That he owes me 10 years´ worth
of child support.

Right.

Okay, look, maybe I should just
take ricky back to school.

Yeah.

[ Chuckling ] now´s not
a very good time for me.

If you want...

He could stay with us
for a couple more days.

Oh, thank you!

You´re an angel.

[ Off-key]
♫ angel ♫

♫ You´re my angel ♫

♫ Sent from heaven ♫

♫ To take my boy ♫

♫ Into your house
for a while ♫

♫ Uh ♫

[ Off-key ] ♫ the angel
is shutting the door ♫

Here, ricky.
Put your stuff in max´s room.

I´ll give you a hand.

You were right.
Ricky is a bad seed.

I never want to see
that little punk again.

I brought him back.

He´s in the house.

Oh, he wouldn´t tell you
where he lives, huh?

Okay,
i´ll get it out of him.

You just turn up the stereo
real loud

So the neighbors
don´t hear anything.

Angie...

I went to his apartment.

His mom was drunk
at 10:30 in the morning.

Oh, man.

No wonder
he´s so screwed up.

I couldn´t leave him there.

I want him
to stay with us for a while.

Are you crazy?

First the garage,
then the fence.

He´s getting closer
to where we sleep, george.

Angie, his dad walked out
on him, too.

Honey...
This isn´t your life.

No, it might be worse.

My mom was rough, but at least
she wasn´t a drunk.

Listen, you know i´m always
the first to help out.

I spent the entire morning
giving makeovers

To 45 homeless women,
and it wasn´t easy.

You try convincing a lady
with leaves in her hair

That she is not an autumn.

So why can´t we
help ricky?

Because...we have to
think about max first.

He´s about to fail
the fifth grade,

And ricky is a bad influence
on him.

You said so yourself.

I don´t want him
in our house.

Well, if he can´t go home
and he can´t stay here,

What´s he supposed to do?

What if he stays with me?

Come on, ernie.

No, he can stay with me
and my folks.

You serious?

Yeah, you remember.

My mom and dad
used to be foster parents.

I could get certified while
ricky´s staying with us.

But, dude, come on.

Taking on a kid, isn´t that
gonna cut into your social --

What about climbing up
the corporate --

What if you
meet a girl who --

You know what?
You can take my kids, too.

This is gonna work,
george.

I can actually make
a difference in someone´s life.

Ernie´s parents do have
plenty of room.

They even have that paneled
basement downstairs

Where ernie tried to do his own
cable-access show,

"It´s me, ernie."

I´m gonna go talk to ricky.

What are you gonna do if he
drives a car through your fence?

George, my dad´s 75.
He does that once a week.

Hey, I can´t find dad anywhere.

Come on mom. We´re going to be
late for my poetry reading.

George

I know you´re in there.

You´re going to miss your own
daughter´s poetry reading.

I can´t hear you. I´m trash.