05x03 - Kathy's Romance

[bunniefuu]

(midtempo orchestral music)

- [Announcer] Robert Young

and Jane Wyatt.

With Eleanor Donahue, Billy Gray, and Lauren Chapin

in Father Knows Best.

- Cut it out, Kathy, what's the big idea?

- Well, I have something very, very important to announce.

- It better be good,that's all I gotta say.

- You going to run for Congress or something?

- No, now listen.

I met a new boy yesterday.

- Ah, a boy.

- Love.

- It isn't either love.

It's just my boyfriend, that's all.

Or at least I hope he's going to be.

- What is this unfortunate young man's name?

- Burgess.

- Burgess?

- Well, what's wrong with that?

- I didn't say it was--

- It's a very nice name!

It's even better than Bud.

Well, in the future, watch it, buster!

(audience laughs)

- Well, now that that's settled,

I think I better get dinner.

- No, now wait, I'm not through yet.

- Well, can't I hang up my hat?

- No! (audience laughs)

Now listen, Burgess is coming over tonight

at seven o'clock, andhe can stay until eight.

- Until eight?

Will his mama let him stay out that late?

- Well, he's not a baby.

In fact, he's an older fellow.

- Uh, how much older?

- Almost a whole year older than I.

- Now, stop teasing her.

Kathy's having a friendover here tonight,

and I think that's fine.

And I'm glad she's meeting him here

and not out on the street somewhere.

(audience laughs) I'm for you, Kath.

- No wait, Daddy.

I haven't come to the important part, yet.

You see, everything depends on tonight.

This is sort of a test for Burgess.

- Well, don't put him in a spot like that.

I'm sure we'll approve of him.

- Oh, I'm not worried about you approving of him,

the test is to see if he approves of you, my family.

(audience laughs)

- He has to approve of us?

- Yes.

So all of you try to be nice tonight,

and polite, and cultured.

I know it's asking a lot, but please, do it for my sake.

This is very important to me.

Now I'm going upand get dressed.

Oh, and Bud.

Be sure to comb your hair.

(audience laughs)

- How do ya like that?

I hate him already.

- Now, let's don't judgehim before we see him.

I'm pretty sure that he had nothing to do

with this approval idea.

Kathy just doesn't want to take a chance on losing him.

After all, he's her first real boyfriend.

Come on, Betty, help me with dinner.

- Oh, I'm intrigued.

I can hardly wait to meet a boy with a name like Burgess.

- Now remember, Daddy,when Burgess gets here,

don't act silly.

(audience laughs) - I'll try not to.

- And don't say, well, whose little boy are you?

He's not a little boy, understand?

- Yes, ma'am.

- In fact, it might be best

if you say as little as possible.

(audience laughs)

- I think that's a very sound plan.

- You see, if Burgess doesn't like you,

I won't have a chance with him.

(doorbell rings)Ah!

(audience laughs)

Hi Burgess, come on in.

- Sure.

Boy, you've got a very nice residence, Kathy.

- Thank you.

- Is it paid for?

(audience laughs)

- Come on in andmeet the family.

- Our house isn't paid for.

Of course, we just moved into it.

- Oh Burgess, this is my father, who is very refined.

- How do you do, Burgess, old man?

- How do you do, Mr. Anderson?

What are those,patches on your elbows?

(audience laughs)

- Oh, those aren't patches.

The coat came that way.

He has a lot of other coats.

He's really quite well off.

- That's a good idea.

I'd like to have a coat like that.

Where do you buy 'em?

- Well, I got this one at, uh, Gorman's Department--

- Well come on, Burgess.(audience laughs)

I guess the others are out in the kitchen.

- Well hello, Burgess.

- Wait until I introduce him.

Burgess, this is mywonderful sister, Betty.

- How do you do, Burgess?

- Oh boy, you sure are beautiful.

(audience laughs)

- Well, thank you.

- Beauty runs in our family.

- I'll say.

- Oh, and this is my mother, my wonderful mother.

Very cultured.

- Hello, Burgess.

We're very glad you could come over this evening.

- Boy, beauty sure doesrun in this family.

(audience laughs)

- Are you sure you're only a year older than Kathy?

- Yeah, well, actually only months.

- Well, come on, Burgess.

What do you want to do?

- I don't know.

- Wanna play Bridge?

- I don't know how to play Bridge.

- Well that's out, I don't either.

(audience laughs)

- Well, why don't youplay that game of yours

where you spin a dial

and then move forward a couple of spaces--

- Mother, that's awfully juvenile.

(audience laughs)

- Oh, yes, I guess it is.

- Well come on, we'll find something.

Come on.

Hey, I know what.

I've got a microscope.

You wanna look atyeast cells through it?

See 'em multiply?

- Sounds okay to me.

- All right, I'll run up and get it.

You wait here.

Burgess, this is mywonderful brother, Bud.

Be nice, so he'll like you.

- Hi, Bud.

What are you, in high school?

- Yeah.

- I'll be in junior high next year.

- Bully for you.

(audience laughs)

(paper crinkles)

(playful orchestral music)

(audience laughs)

- Burgess, why don'tyou sit down somewhere,

and Kathy'll be down in a minute.

- Okay.

(Jim chuckles)

What're you reading, the sports page?

- Yes, that's what I'm reading.

- That's my favoritepart of the paper, too.

Except for the comics.

Do you read the comics?

- Oh, sometimes.

- Ol' d*ck Tracy's a cool hit.

What do you do for a living?

(audience laughs)

- I sell insurance.

- My dad travels, I don't know what for.

It has something to do with airplane parts.

How's business?

(audience laughs)

- All right, I guess.

- How much money do you make?

(audience laughs)

- Kathy, hurry up,you're friend's waiting!

- About how much do you make?

- Burgess, why don't youtake a seat over there?

You'll get tired standing.

- Nah, not me.

I'm strong.

(audience laughs)

- Well, maybe you oughta rest up for that long walk home.

(audience laughs) - It's not far.

It's just around the corner,

two doors up in the yellow house.

(audience laughs)

- What's your favorite hobby?

- Reading the paper. (audience laughs)

If I ever get the chance.

- Mine's takin' old clocks apart

and puttin' 'em back together again.

It's quite interesting.

- Okay, I got it.

Come on, Burgess.

- Okay, goodbye, Mr. Anderson.

Was quite interesting talk.

I'll be back later, we can have another one.

- Yeah. (chuckles)

Great.

- Good night, Burgess.

Would you like someone to walk you home?

- Mother, he's not a baby.

- Yes, of course.

- Heck, it's just around the corner, two doors up,

the yellow house.

(audience laughs)

Thank you for a very nice time.

Good night, Mr. Anderson.

- [Jim] Night, Burgess.

- So long, Mrs. Anderson.

(gentle orchestral music)

Well, so long, Kath.

You have reallyattractive yeast cells.

- Thank you.

Did you like everybody?

Oh of course, you have to excuse my brother.

He's going through a phase, a very long phase.

- He's okay.

But your dad.

- Yes, what about him?

- He.

Boy, he's great.

I sure like him.

We had a nice talk aboutnewspapers and stuff.

- Oh yes, he reads thenewspapers all the time.

He's very intellectual.

- I can tell that.

Well, I gotta go now, Kath.

- Will you come again?

- Oh sure.

I can come over all daySaturday and maybe Sunday, too.

So long.

- Every time I looked up, he was staring at me,

cross-examining me.

He even wanted to know how much money I made.

(audience laughs)

Calculating littlecuss wanted to find out

how well fixed I was before he committed himself.

- Oh, shh. (audience laughs)

- Oh boy, I'm in, ah!

He liked everybody, even Bud!

(audience laughs)

- What do you mean, even Bud?

- Well he does.

He's very broad-minded.

- How better could he prove it?

- Well I think he's a little on the square side

if you want my opinion.

- He is not.

He's very intellectual.

Oh Daddy, you!

- Uh oh, what did I do?

- You were wonderful.

He liked you best of all

And he's coming over Saturday to have some more

intellectual talks with you.

(audience laughs)

- I was afraid of that.

- And he can stay all day!

- Well now, I wouldn't overdo this.

You'll get tired of him.

- Oh no.

You see, we have a common interest.

The microscope!

Boy, you sure can get your heads close together

over one of those things.

(audience laughs)

- Weed flower beds.

Clean incinerator, repair screens, pay bill.

(audience laughs)

I'm glad Saturday morning only comes once a week.

Any more coffee?

- Yes, but you'llnever get any work done

sitting around here drinking coffee.

- Oh, there's plenty of time.

Besides, a will relax a bit--

- Here's Burgess!

- Hi, Mr. Anderson.

(audience laughs)

- No, gotta get on those weeds!

(audience laughs)

- Boy, he sure is energetic.

- Yes, I wish I could arrange to have you

come over every Saturday morning.

(audience laughs) - Thanks, I will.

- Mother, what can we do?

Burgess says he's sick of looking at yeast cells

through the microscope.

- Well, it's just that when you've seen one yeast cell,

you've seen 'em all.

(audience laughs) - Yes, um.

Well, how about gettingout the croquet set?

Or is that too juvenile?

- What do you think?

- Sounds all right to me.

- Okay, where's the set?

- Most of it's in the garage.

I think some of the mallets are up in Bud's room.

- Okay, I'll get those.

You go in the garage and get that stuff,

and I'll meet you out in back.

- Okay.

(playful orchestral music)

(audience laughs)

(audience laughs)

- Hello, Burgess.

- What are you doin', pulling weeds?

- Yep, pulling weeds.

- We got a lotta weeds around our house.

'Course, we just moved in.

Around the corner, two doors up, the yellow house.

(audience laughs) - I know.

Maybe you should be home pulling some of those weeds.

- No, my mom hired a gardener for that.

Can't you afford a gardener?

(audience laughs)

- Yes, I can afford a gardener.

But I prefer to do this myself.

- Oh, you've got a good idea there.

You sort of think things out, don't you?

- Mm.

- I try to thinkthings out, too.

How old are you, now?

(audience laughs)

- I've aged quite a bit in the last couple of days.

Hold it, Burgess, you'repulling up the flowers.

- Come on, Burgess.

Didn't you get the rest of the stuff?

- Not yet.

You'd better get it.

I have to help your dad pull weeds.

- No, no, no, no, you don't have to.

I can handle this.

But thanks anyway.

Now, you run along.

- Yeah, come on,

you came over here toplay with me, remember?

- What a day this has been.

- You know, I believeBurgess is stuck on you.

- Yeah, he's sticky all right.

(audience laughs) I couldn't get away

from that little varmint.

No matter where I was, all day long,

there was Burgess.

Asking me million personal questions.

I felt like I was beingshadowed by the FBI.

(audience laughs)

Maybe I can get some work done now that he's gone.

(uptempo orchestral music)

- How's the big romance coming?

- Well how should I know?

I hardly get to see him.

He's with Daddy all the time.

That's who he likes, you know, not me.

- I thought you wantedBurgess to like Father.

- Sure, but Daddy's overdoing it.

He's molopolizing Burgess.

(audience laugh)

- Now, don't blame Father, this isn't his idea.

- Oh no?

Then how come he's beingso sickeningly charming.

(audience laughs)

I don't think I like Daddy anymore.

Hi, Daddy isn't home yet, is he?

- Oh no, it's not time for him yet.

- I know, but I thought

he might've sneaked home early tonight,

so he could see Burgess.

- Oh, is Burgess with you?

- I have him waiting outside.

I wanna ask you something.

May I have a birthday party for him?

- Oh, I think so.

When's his birthday?

- Well, what night is it that Daddy stays downtown

for the Chamber of Commerce dinner?

- (chuckles) Wednesday,but what does that

got to do with it?

- Well that's thenight I want the party.

I don't want Daddy here.

- Well, that's not avery nice thing to say.

- I don't care.

I don't have any fun with Burgess when Daddy's home.

I think I'm just an excuse,

so he can come over here and see Daddy.

(audience laughs)

- Oh, I'm sure that's not true.

- Well, I gotta find out for sure.

And the only way I can do that is to be alone with Burgess

and not have Daddy here.

So may I have the party Wednesday?

- I guess so.

- Good.

Come on in, Burgess.

Party's all set, it'll be Wednesday night.

- Can you come?

- Sure, I'll be here.

Hi, Mrs. Anderson.

- [Margaret] Hello, Burgess.

- Is your dad home yet?

- No, he's not.

- Well, when does he get home?

- Not until very, very late.

Now what do you wanna do?

- Oh anything, except look through that microscope of yours.

- Well, whatever you do, Kathy,

I want you to changeinto some play clothes.

- Okay.

You wait here, Burgess.

I'll be right down.

Don't hurry, I'll read the paper.

(playful instrumental music)

Like your dad does.

(audience laughs)

- Oh!

- Hi, Mr. Anderson.

- Burgess, don't youhave a home of your own?

- Yes sir, just around the corner, two doors up,

the yellow house.

- I know, I know.

- Do you want your coat?

- No, no, why should I possibly want my coat?

Margaret?

Where's the newspaper?

- Oh, here it is.

(audience laughs)

I had it.

- Thank you.

- What?

You home already?

I knew it.

I knew you'd start sneaking home early.

Come on, Burgess.

(audience laughs)

- What'd you say about the newspaper?

- Nothing.

Margaret, that kid has got to go!

(audience laughs)

- Which reminds me that the Chamber of Commerce dinner

for tonight has been postponed till next week.

- Oh good.

Okay, I'll get on this report right away.

You better hold all calls for the rest of the afternoon.

I don't have anymore appointments, do I?

- No, but there's a gentleman waiting to see you.

A Mr. Vale?

- Vale, do I know any Vales?

- He said he's afriend of yours.

Very important.

- Well, if it'simportant, send him in.

But tell him I'm awfully busy.

(audience laughs)

You?

- Hi, Mr. Anderson.

How's everything?

- Are you Mr. Vale?

- Didn't you know that was my name?

- Well, I might've heard it, but I hardly expected you.

But by now, I should expect anything.

- My mother's at the dentist in this building,

so I thought I'd drop in and we could talk.

- Yes, well, I'm awfully busy.

- I can't stay long, not more than an hour.

(audience laughs)

Whoa, you got a nice office here.

I wanna have one like this some day.

- Eh, Burgess.

- How much insurance have you sold so far today?

(audience laughs)

- None.

Because people come in and interrupt me.

Oh!(files clatter)

- You know, I've been thinkin'.

I might wanna go intothis business some day.

Maybe I could start here.

You ever take in a partner?

- No!

Burgess, didn't youhear me tell you that--

(bottle clatters)

(dramatic orchestral music)

Dog gone it, Burgess.

What's the matter with you?

Don't you have any better senseto come into a man's office

while he's working, upsetting everything?

From now on, I think you better spend most of your time

at that yellow house, two doors up.

It's like a monster came into my life.

- Hello.

Excuse me, I'm Mrs. Vale.

I'm looking for my son, Burgess.

Is he still here?

- No, he's not.

- Oh, well he's probablywaiting in the car.

He wasn't any bother, was he?

(audience laughs) - Burgess, a bother?

- He just insisted on seeing his friend Mr. Anderson.

You are Mr. Anderson, aren't you?

- I'm afraid so.

- I feel as though I already know you.

Burgess talks about you all the time, but all the time.

You've even replacedWyatt Earp as his hero.

(audience laughs)

And it's been wonderful the way you've taken the time

to sit down and actuallytalk to the boy.

I know that's what he misses at home.

Harry's on the road all the time, Harry's my husband.

They hardly ever see each other, and when they do,

well, it's almost comical.

They're like two absolute perfect strangers.

Harry can no more think ofanything to say to the boy than,

well, now I know you're busy.

I won't take any more of your time,

but it's been nice finally meeting you.

Thank you for whatyou've done for Burgess.

He absolutely worships you.

- Well, now are you sure

you want this birthday dinner in the den?

The dining room is much nicer.

- No, I want it here where we can be alone.

- As long as your father's not going to be home--

- I don't want Betty or Bud hanging around either.

I have to find out once and for all

if Burgess likes me for myself.

It's now or never. (door thuds)

Oh no, Daddy's home.

I knew it, I knew he'd find out!

Oh, why did you have to come home?

(audience laughs)

- What was that all about?

- Oh, Kathy's having a birthday party for Burgess.

And she doesn't want to have you around

because she's afraid that Burgess likes you better than her.

- Oh, boy.

Sad part about that is, he won't be here.

- What?

Why not?

- Well, Burgess came tosee me this afternoon

while his mother was at the dentist in our building.

I was pretty rough on him.

Practically threw him out,

but I didn't know then what I know now.

He apparently has no relationship with his dad,

so he's latched onto me as a substitute.

- Oh, so that explains it.

- But now I'vedestroyed that for him.

Ruined things for Kathy.

After the way I treated him,

I know he won't show up tonight.

(phone rings)

- Oh, I don't know.

A birthday party's a prettyhard thing for a boy to resist.

- Hello?

Oh hello, Burgess.

You're not coming, well why not?

Oh, can't you tell me why you're not?

Well gosh, you must have some reason.

Well, okay, if you don't wanna tell me.

Okay.

Bye.

(somber orchestral music)

- Boy did I mess that up.

- Why Mr. Anderson, come in.

- Thank you, Mrs. Vale.

- You couldn't have come at a more opportune time.

I can't get Burgess to eat.

Maybe he'll listen to you.

- Well, I did come over to talk to him.

- I wish you would.

I suppose you know Kathy invited him

for a birthday party, but for some strange reason,

he won't go, and he won't tell me why.

- Well, maybe I can gethim to change his mind.

Where is he?

- Up in his room.

It's the first door tothe left, please go up.

Burgess, you have a visitor.

(somber orchestral music)

- Hello, Burgess.

What are you doing,taking this clock apart,

or putting it back together?

A nice bunch of clocks here.

How many of these doyou take apart per week?

That many?

How much money do you make doing this?

- You can't make any money doing that.

- Well, you better get into another line of work then.

Did you ever consider going into the insurance business?

- What are you doing, kidding me?

- No, a fella has to getinto something someday.

Of course, being an insurance man isn't easy.

Some days, you're under such pressure,

you hardly know what you're doing.

You get upset, call people out,

throw 'em out of your office.

Then afterwards, you feel ashamed,

wish you hadn't acted that way.

Did you ever do something

that you wish afterwards you hadn't?

Like, say, call up a girl,

and tell her you didn'twanna go someplace,

when really you did?

By the way, are you hungry?

- Yeah, sort of.

- Me, too.

I saw the most luscious lookingbirthday cake at our house.

Funny thing, it had your name on it.

Seems like I saw some presents with your name on 'em, too.

You know,

Kathy'd be the mostbroken-hearted girl in the world

if she didn't have a chance

to give those to you tonight.

Tell you what, Burg, you comb your hair,

I'll wait for you downstairs.

("Happy Birthday To You")

- Boy, I bet this is the best birthday I ever had.

- Is it really?

- Yeah.

And I was just lookin' at this cake.

- Is something wrong with it?

- Here, I'll show you.

The cake has an interesting texture,

and I was wondering howit'd look magnified.

(Kathy giggles)

(audience laughs)

Come here, Kath.

Look at it through our microscope.

- Our microscope?

Oh, that sounds so good.

(audience laughs)

(audience applauds)

(midtempo orchestral music)

(electronic music)