[Music]
Brian wise the TV off because I turned
it off oh god I thought it was broken oh
yes why did you turn it off because i'm
studying equation oh well i got one for
you my finger plus this red button
equals the sum of my existence behind
the merit I'm watching a marathon kind
of funny allocates the Planet of the
Apes marathon people running boring
people running from talking apes awesome
it's kind of fascinating I mean they
asked the audience to consider an
alternative evolutionary timeline haha
monkey in a doctors outfit all right hey
how is the sale like a w*r shoving
grabbing pushing I hope I didn't hurt
anyone mom was great every time somebody
had something that I wanted she tricked
them and got it for me how does she do
that yeah we all here gimme that what
like that you're learning honey next
time we go shopping I'm going to teach
you the symptoms of hypoglycemia people
about to faint go to the friends alive
oh I don't know sweetie this is kind of
a grown-up science fiction movie might
be a little scary for you but that
monkeys in a doctor scene of orange well
at least I know one of them's mine
[Music]
me
[Applause]
[Music]
I'm going in to work on a Saturday and
you're just going to sit here all day
and watch planet of the eight uh what's
the point knocking yourself out in a
hundred million years the apes are going
to be calling the sh*ts anyway like they
are right now what's in the sack my
dirty clothes can't use the laundry room
in my building some creep keeps sneaking
in there and taking my underwear doesn't
he know all he has to do is buy a drink
no bad thing is the panty beats the
closest thing I've had to a relationship
and once it's always about the time with
the hours I've been working lately so
you're getting that promotion so you
wouldn't have to work so hard no I
didn't get it I gave it to the new
paralegal there's got a better pair and
barely legal that is terrible yeah keep
your chins up here and on top of that I
put on five counts bill I need you to do
me a favor Judy it's my weekend I don't
want to clean the gutters I need you to
be nice to Linda today can I just clean
the gutters I mean it she's having a
rough time right now she really wanted
that promotion it's pathetic should not
even fighting back when you sling them
up I don't mind it's still fun oh please
just throw a bone how about a frisbee
Roy off the insult yeah it'll be nice to
her what do I get out of it you continue
to cash in on the lucky break you caught
in high school I like to think of it as
the other way around it's not true but
that's how I like to think he's a plan
adobe ace oh it's the news run Linda run
well I get it I'll leave you alone you
know what Sam watch it with me all right
[Music]
eczema commercial so gross can you
imagine something that irritating that
just won't go away oh I have no idea
what that'll be like hey you know I'm
gonna go out and grab something to eat
anything around here that's fast and
cheap booze blue fast and cheap
something easy doesn't have to be hot
dad I need to help with my homework yeah
I know I've seen it right no I have to
write a paper on someone in my family
who's my role model and it's due on
Monday hey you know I feel don't make
anything I gotta go to the store anyway
my milk sour and my eggs are always past
the expiration date come on dad it will
only take a couple hours why don't you
ask you and Linda why well she's going
through a rough time right now might be
nice to throw her a bone not a frisbee
about her about you know what I'm
bringing back the old fashioned because
I said so Linda Lauren has to do a paper
on a role model for school and she's
chosen you robot well that's so
flattering
oh I've always sensed that you look up
to me a little you know you don't have
to do this if you don't really want to I
mean snap to answer a bunch of questions
my whole day is free and now so is mine
six no seven updated seven guys named
Glen should I get that under
achievements or hobby well to
achievements for were hobbies and one
was to make a Steve jealous of which
ipad 4 is there anything that you do for
fun that you wish you could do for a
living I mean other than dating ok well
there's just one thing but I don't know
it's kind of silly what is it okay goose
close oh sweet of geese no no you know
those fake plastic white keys people
have on their porches or front yard
sometimes people dress them up a little
outfit haven't you seen the goose in the
bikini I may see your mother remember
that yeah you know what she's probably
storing in the basement for the world
outlander we only have to do this right
now we can talk about it is a stranger
was on the stairs in a box marks do neat
thing I found it someone could have
accidentally given it away you made this
that's why the first ones I've made have
gotten better kind of cute really yeah
especially for something I thought was
insane like 30 seconds ago oh thank you
didn't think my mom ever puts out on the
front porch well she was probably afraid
it would get stolen hey who's the new
chick that's aunt linda's new business
idea well of an actual business yet but
I could make it one I mean lots of
people sell them I was thinking about
getting a booth at a swap meet but I
still think I can do it alone so you
know maybe I could help you really yeah
I mean I'm always coming up with good
ideas for clothes look at what I do hold
on the questionnaire while you're
talking about your boyfriend so cute as
far as I'm concerned the only thing you
should dress a goose in is a gravy sport
coat and sweet potato / much fun so much
fun well Lauren picked me to be her role
model now she's going to help me make
goose close wow how long have I been
gone
Judy I found the goose I made you in a
box marked donate oh no I I wanted to
donate to Bob you and I should go up in
a look at the computer and I can show
you all the toys clothes websites look
Lauren has to do a paper on a role model
for school and she's doing it out of
Linda wow she true of Linda to be her
role model and wonder why she didn't ask
me believe me you wouldn't have wanted
it she asked me but there were a lot of
questions involved and as you know I'm a
very private person I beg you to close
the bathroom door the only reason she
asked Linda is because you told me to
throw in the bone and that bone was
Lauren oh so you told her to pick Linda
will that make sense way to go bill I
owe you one oh no need to thank me just
meet me upstairs we're in this the hat
too that's especially the Hat
[Music]
hey there you are look what I have two
special invitation to a warehouse shoe
clearance at shoe clearance warehouse I
can't go mom finishing up our outfit for
goose Springsteen mr. bandana or you've
got a great imagination you're so
creative I guess you take after your
aunt and Linda things I could be a
fashion designer yeah and dressing geese
is great practice because a lot of women
are small on top and big on the bottom
what she's doing it on purpose mind if I
take a look at summit Tina's old baby
clothes maybe some of them can be
altered to the geese well sure why not
oh there's a little sailor suit that
would be perfect a goose in a sailor
suit kind of obvious don't you think I
know how you got roped in task and Aunt
Linda to be a role model but if you
don't want to do this boost clothes idea
you don't have to no I really want to oh
right what was I thinking saying that
about your Aunt Linda oh I mean it I'm
making these outfits are really fun and
plus Aunt Linda is going to pay me five
dollars for every outfit I sell it's why
I quit my babysitting job you quit your
babysitting job what do you have to fall
back on it just doesn't work out the
fact that i'm 14 and you kind of legally
have to take care of me hey got the baby
clothes I'll run out to the car and get
the rest of the stuff oh Linda Lauren
seems really excited about your little
side business yeah that's what great
yeah I'm just worried that maybe she's
focusing on it a little too much I mean
she did give up her babysitting job
which was a real job for this switch
what well what's gonna happen to Lauren
if your idea you know feels is that what
you want to see Phil well you have to
add a few other money-making schemes
that didn't exactly work out there was
that summer that you're going to sell
candles but you left them in the trunk
of your car it one giant candle with 200
wicks
which I still use oh and then the time
you were going to be a caricature artist
to kitty parties I don't know why those
parents got so mad I mean I'm not a
photographer their kid has a big nose
I'm gonna draw it like a banana try
things are like some people that's
supposed to me well you know I put
myself out there okay don't judge me
because you settled settled Judy you're
not exactly blazing a big trail oh yeah
stephannie boots in a cocktail dress
that's living on the edge some of us
have responsibilities Linda or excuses I
mean Judy used to be so creative now you
don't even have a hobby Oh unless you
count bubble bursting oh what a string
you're just lashing out at me because
I'm telling you what you don't want to
hear face it you are never going to get
your life together until you stop
grabbing it those crazy schemes that go
nowhere oh wait we're back to tell and
Linda what we really think about it let
me get my notes
oh my god it's finally happened planet
of the geese we're all set up what's
going on Franz taking pictures for our
goose clothes website and I have one of
you wearing a tiny goose bottom while
you were sleeping but that's for my
website what's all this while we were
such a big at the swap meet so
Brian is helping I set up a website so
we can solve your clothes online you
were a hit yeah I mean eighty dollars
sure beats babysitting Wow hey at the
outfit Lucille Ball and Gander Claus hey
you look nice bought it today brands
going to take my pictures for us Linda's
goose clothes com was I sell crap com
already taken I talk to you for a second
sure listen I feel terrible but what
happened the other day and I just don't
want us to be fighting I'm sorry
obviously I was wrong in your idea
what's good my should have made fun of
it thanks that means a lot to me
everything I said about you being too
afraid to live your dreams I didn't mean
it you have a great life with film the
kids not everyone has to be creative Hey
look at the picture Brian took of me
wearing the little hat I look like a
giant baby how did you eat every two
hours
[Applause]
Oh what you and Linda made up yeah good
glad everything's all right now yeah
everything's fine oh my stop taking
chances and become someone who has
settled for so little the thing I don't
have feelings not just you it's a whole
life we built together oh yeah that
takes the sting out every day the same
thing get up go to work make a meal have
sex get up go to work make a meal have
sex honey you're looking at it the wrong
way you get up go to work make a meal
half by the way who's this guy you
having sex with that know what I mean no
wonder Lauren didn't pick me for a role
model I don't take risks you take plenty
of risks you married a guy with almost
no marketable skills I wanted to make a
living doing something creative and then
you know I take the first safe job that
comes along Judy if you want to do
something creative than do it i'll
support you a hundred percent really cuz
i was thinkin of adirondack chairs you
want to dress up Adirondack chairs no
make them remember we bought that kid
and you built them and I hand painted
him with vines and flowers oh yeah that
was a what else you got oh great
people constantly ask my parents where
they bought them we could build a whole
bunch in Selma the same swap me where
Linda cells or goose clothes you sure
you're not just doing this to compete
with your sister oh no of course not if
I was gonna compete with my sister on I
I put shoes on chickens Judy you already
have such a full life you know gettin up
go in the world making a meal having sex
bill if i end up built in the chairs by
myself you're gonna end up doing one of
those things by yourself i choose which
one cuz i really can't cook
okay I'm the last chair kid out of the
van and my last vertebrae out of
alignment so how's it going great you
really enjoying it greater it's almost
out of your system great said if I did
something creative you'd support me I
was kind of hoping you were all talk
well I'm not so what do you think oh
it's fine hi Wow let me sit down and
rest a huge head I just got from that
big giant compliment I'm not saying it's
bad I'm just saying if you're gonna
paint all that Ivy you want to you know
balance it out with flowers hello what
are these oh I thought those were
lollipops why would I put lollipops out
of mine I don't know lollipops on ivy &
gumdrops on kittens is not a song hey
don't you obviously don't have the
artistic eyes that I have so you just
build the chairs and leave the creative
stuff up to me fine oh you know what it
because the one with clouds you want me
to paint clouds on a chair please tell
me how that makes sense well how does a
lollipop bush make sense of it oh this
looks so great Oh Lord told me all about
your chair project I'm so proud of you
look at you following through oh and
this is neat lollipops yes like Willy
Wonka so i guess i'll see you guys the
meet laura and i have a ton of stuff to
do to get ready we want to get there
early so we can get a good boost well
bill and I are gonna get there super
early in fact Bill's gonna load the van
tonight bill hope we get to meet he is
the meet listen to her using that lingle
like she's queen of the swap meet i'll
show her who's not creative okay i'm
still on super early and loading the van
tonight get the chairs up the stairs and
then you could take a break right
something funny I was going to say the
same thing to you good thing we were
able to take apart these chairs and
reassemble them up here huh yeah good
thing and we did you design this fiscal
Oh your role model paper Jan a good for
you yep yes my can't you liked it she
must have been impressed with your
choice role model mommy really don't
need to read that why not well I kind of
had to fudge some of the facts about
Aunt Linda I mean once you get past the
goose coat there's really not much to
work with so I ended up turning her into
a combination of Gwen Stefani Maya
Angelou and you me I'm assertive your
role model I mean you work really hard
to keep the house going junk oh I'm just
doing what a mom done yeah but besides
that you also have a full-time job plus
you made this great cheer I mean I
didn't know you could see so well this
film at the lollipops is awesome yeah
everyone keeps going on and on about
that one you think you could help me
keep my head board like this sure yeah
except for a headboard i'm thinking more
like cloud when you come up this stuff
it's the kid well I gotta run at lenders
gonna pick me up for the swap meet okay
then okay one more and the van will be
loaded after the swap meet so will I
actually bill I don't think we need to
sell the chairs anymore what it's not so
important now Lauren just told me she
admires ever what about creative
fulfillment my daughter admires me she
wants to be me Gwen Stefani and that
lady who's always on Oprah she wants to
be Oprah know if I meant Oprah I
wouldn't have said the woman who's
always on Oprah I would have said Oprah
see that's why I'm the role model I mean
maybe I don't take risks but I am
running this whole operation my daughter
is amazed by me and frankly so am I wow
that's great I'm happy for you and your
full amazing life I'll get you a full
amazing ass in the van I just loaded
think i also have an amazing ass yep
you're gonna use it to sell these chairs
now go go my role model has a very full
life she's very nurturing she has an
amazing singing voice and of a moment it
speaks to a woman's experience Wow
Lauren capture me or what most about
time somebody captured you I'm open I've
got a date with a new blend so well I
say it's a charm
[Music]
I wouldn't have it any
way have you madly
[Applause]
02x09 - Still Dreaming
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Bill and Judy Miller are a blue-collar Chicago couple trying to raise three children responsibly without sacrificing their youthfulness.
Bill and Judy Miller are a blue-collar Chicago couple trying to raise three children responsibly without sacrificing their youthfulness.