well like you the clown just canceled on
Tina's party I blame myself should seen
that one coming what about that clown
there was at the Murphy's party in the
park that was a homeless person if
you're looking to pay someone to
entertain at tina's birthday party
Miller the Magnificent is wide open on
Saturday because often Millie to
dateless I can start with close-up magic
and then we can move on to an illusion
in this state I'll get it I'm expecting
a call from the Sun I always wanted well
Tina's okay with it i'll pay you a
hundred bucks great wait you're paying
him 100 bucks I want a piece of that I
got something um middle of a magnificent
is a solo act I'm afraid of honey my mom
what she has to say she's still saying
it okay bill you can't just ignore your
mother care until I run out of pillows
look her boyfriend Johnny's out of town
for two months since he left she's been
all over me I'm gonna tell you how to
handle this tomorrow you should invite
her to lunch she'll spend one hour with
you she'll be so thrilled to be off your
best two weeks oh you don't understand
my mom she's a bloodsucker I opened the
door a cr*ck next thing I know I'm
driving her to Wisconsin to get the good
cheese you gotta handle your parents
like I handle my parents if they get too
clingy I stand my ground I don't give an
inch polite but firm okay I'm going in
hi mom yeah I just walked in
I was I was wondering if you wanted to
go for lunch tomorrow great okay so I'll
see you what a quilt show afterward no
no I can't no no I really okay hi Louise
it's Judy yeah bill and I would love to
take you to lunch tomorrow but then he
is busy for the rest of the day okay
we'll see you then bye ha how'd you do
that bill it's just a matter of being
calm and direct you can't spend your
whole life hiding from your family I
volunteer for my magic at
[Applause]
[Music]
and of course you remember Edna Hackman
no sure you do from down the street oh
yeah yeah nice old mrs. Hackman how is
she dead I didn't find her for a month
that's what happens when your children
don't bother to come by enough what are
you doing tomorrow
but it's settled we're going to
Wisconsin that way we can finally get
the good we don't really doesn't
have time tomorrow oh ok well how about
Wednesday busy then too Saturday not
good scheana's birthday party on
Saturday and we're hoping to see you
there from two to four well good then I
can come early to help you set up no no
not necessary you're our guest will see
you at two ok i love you i love you too
I left my lipstick in the car which
it'll get it Judy I'm just going to sit
here with Billy and chat bill why don't
you go you always like to take a Kn*fe
to a walk after you eat that I do so
Judy had this lovely I'm so glad that
you wanted to join Billy and me today
horse Louise your family and I really
want us to have a great relationship
really yeah really you know I want that
too in fact want to do something nice
for you Johnny and I bought tickets for
Caribbean cruise but he had to go out of
town oh and I know that you and Billy
have always talked about going on a
cruise so I thought that you might want
to go our treat really what we do have
some vacation time saved up and I
suppose my sister could help with the
kids great then it's settled thank you
so much Louise this is incredibly
generous of you what is yes what Billy
Judy and I are going on a cruise
together
either I'm going on a train with my
beautiful daughter in law I need to buy
a new baby suit ha what the hell just
happened I'm here and she stuck to it I
thought you were sending you and me on
the cruises sneaky way she worded it I
didn't know what I was agreeing to my
dad claims that's how they got married
oh wait a minute I know what this is
about she really wants you to go on the
cruise with her she just hooked me it
hopes that I'd make you go instead but
we're not gonna fall for that so we are
not I am taking control of this we are
not going to let that woman manipulate
us into doing something we don't want to
do good you bring me back one of those
little shell necklaces
[Music]
okay see the handkerchiefs now watch
closely and presto change-o where's the
hankie in the egg Tina I'm sure there's
more of the trick than that no actually
that's it dan Bravo where have you been
you're supposed to be my sister uh about
that I kind of been thinking I want all
the money so i looked at my own magic
act you have a magic act you're not even
a member of the Blackstone society yeah
watch this trick greatest dance tips
tada and nail polish okay just cuz you
say tada doesn't make it a trick no I
just thought that instead of Brian's
Wayne magic ask that scheana would
rather have a party where we dance we do
my nails yeah I want that you and COO
picked on okay now it sounds like it's
gonna be a fun party not that I'm not a
plan it out this isn't over Lauren hey
Brian that was the magic act it sucks
finally figured that out Judy I just saw
my mom pull up oh good cuz I know
exactly what I'm gonna tell her that
neither one of us is going on their
cruise I'm going to be polite that I'm
staying in control I only have my new
cross buddy
I just had to come right over and show
you in my new swimsuit it's a three
piece that's up the third piece is
blindfold We Need to Talk okay um is
something wrong well here's the thing uh
there's been a misunderstanding when I
agreed to go on the cruise I thought you
were sending me and Bill no I thought
you would want to go with me because you
said you wanted us to be buddies what I
said is I want us to have a good
relationship exactly I see this Cruise
is a chance for us to get closer you
know for so long I didn't really know
you I mean first you were on the dr*gs
then you were doing your best to raise
kids and not with your childbearing
years far behind you we can be more like
sisters sweet as that thought maybe a
seven day cruise might be too intense
right off the back I think we should
start more slowly like with a 1-day
Cruise or seafood dinner well maybe
you're right it's just well it's a
little embarrassing you see I've already
bragged to all my friends in the Red Hat
Society that you're going with me Red
Hat Society oh it's a social club for
women of a certain age and when we get
together we all wear red hats and purple
outfits driving slow and talking loud
doesn't get you enough attention no
silly it's so we can make a bold
statement when we're on an outing
together well it sounds like you guys
have fun oh you know Judy you should
come with me to the next mixer tomorrow
tomorrow yeah that way I could still
show you off to my friends well that is
unless spending two hours with me would
be how did you put it too intense oh no
I think that would be okay two hours
seems reason oh good well you can pick
me up at noon men
now where are my grandchildren that's
[Music]
night that she warns them so they have
time to squeeze under their bed right
this way girl how two rooms right
through there me first fiddle time you
girls go ft and I'm doing old Philip hey
what's with the pink hat the old biddies
made me wear it I'm a bit Ian training
you're an itty bitty bitty well you been
gone all day she sucked me in that's
what bloodsuckers do it should just be a
mixer but somehow Louise forgot that
they were going to the theater today to
see menopause the musical that's a
that's a real show no but that didn't
stop him from putting it on anyway after
that we had to go for coffee and cake
and three hours later after we paid our
11 separate check I was going to take
them all home but iris forgot her purse
so we had to go all the way back but
turns out she was sitting on it the
whole
or did we lack thing is I wasn't there
well batters bill i won I got through
the mixer and I don't have to go on the
cruise Oh cutie there you are we've got
some good news we just elected you to
organize next weekend's mixer
congratulate I don't know Louise oh it's
really an honor for a first-timer I just
put you down no no don't put me down
it's just kind of a one-time thing for
me I just put you down for now we'll see
how it goes no please don't put me down
just for now I'm going to put you down I
don't want to be put down okay I'm
putting you down down your bloodsucker
no QV where would you get that I had to
do was say no who tried to Louise no my
face is running
[Laughter]
to bqe if the scissors or she's coming
back my nail polish that he isn't for
the party oh it's great I just have some
like this like this what did you get see
found them attention all party human
prepare to get down I am the funk
machine I like the dork machine I like
the dark machine is the more dork do you
want the funk machine to come to your
party Tina yeah wait a minute you cannot
come in here and steal my honey I think
the decision was Tina and she chose me
yeah well she chose me first I really
need one hundred dollars so do I uh hold
on you know what this is up to Tina do
you want a nail party or groove Threepio
here's I want two hundred dollars you
can't just take the hundred dollars why
not well then you won't have any
entertainment for your party so i'll
holla hundred dollars works for me yeah
i'm finally rich sucks yeah but at least
i didn't go to the trouble of making a
superb robot costume and painting myself
silver oh hahaha i made this a couple of
weeks ago just for myself for fun your
trust the joke's on me bill there's a
card here from your mom yeah aren't you
gonna open it why because she won't
return my calls since I called her blood
sucker Judy it's been wonderful without
her the skies bluer food tastes better
I don't love my mom she's just better in
theory okay so she's not coming to
tennis party can't let her take this out
on Tina I gotta go over there make this
right or and hear me out we ignore her
letter we don't go over there and we
never stop dancing if you have to do
this I completely understand but let me
just tell you one thing in all honesty
about my mother okay she is a succubus
who suck the marrow out of your bones
like your bone marrow I think you do
bill don't worry I got a tan oh hello
Billy Judy hi Louise can we come in I
guess so aren't you here to call me more
mean things I just roughed me up a
little listen Louise I feel terrible for
what I said it's just that I was so
frustrated when you tried to force me to
join your Red Hat Society but that's no
excuse for how I reacted and I'm truly
truly sorry well okay and I'd really
appreciate it if you came to Tina the
party fine I'll be there great we'll see
you tomorrow mom once again the parties
from two to four the two could be 230
but the forest firm 330 okay then good
bye wow you were great you got in there
you got what you wanted and you got our
beautiful work I came all the way over
here with heartfelt apology and all she
could say is ok she is purposely not
accepting my apology to hold it over me
I'm going back in Judy this is what
happens in monster movie they almost get
away that somebody turns back in the
horrible hi hi mom
please can we have another minute yes so
that's a hard minute okay 60 seconds
starting now please you never actually
said that you accepted my apology and
that things were all right between us
sure I did no no you just said okay oh
well then I accept your apology and
everything is all right between us all
right then see you mom ah no no so you
can't do that you can't say everything's
alright and then act all mopey I need to
feel that this is behind us that it's
official well if you want me to sign
something Irving down the hall is a
notary public Louise this is important
if we're ever going to have a good
relationship and I want their you
haven't made this easy I mean first you
were being all nice then you called me a
blood sucker nice again it's been a bit
of a roller coaster I am sorry for that
but we're family and it's important that
we get along like friends well get along
Oh like people do you're my
mother-in-law and I really care about
you Judy that is so sweet you know I
really care about you to me glad we
cleared this up before we went on the
cruise let me just put you down I'm not
going oh you can just buy later but i'll
just put you down for now will we don't
put me down
sorry just that you can't trick me I
want to go okay if you're my friend you
will respect that okay it's just that
I've been so lonely we're well into
minute to hear i'm off it Louise you're
not lonely got your red hat society and
Johnny will be back before you know it
well do you see that's just it Johnny
isn't just out of town he left me honey
I am so sorry why didn't you tell us I
was too ashamed to tell anyone why well
those Billy's father left me not Johnny
it's a little bit embarrassing being
rejected like that I i know i have my
quirks but i have a lot of love to give
and yet no one seems to wanna fix bon
voyage
[Music]
it's a nice shap Judy I not be that bad
Louise and I have to share a bed hope
she's gone back to wearing my cows thank
God there are six bars on this vote
hello bunk mate you ready to go if F
hear it now call free cruise oh you want
to say goodbye to the kids I'll be here
when I get back I hope you have fun
Louise and the important thing is it
takes your mind off Johnny Oh didn't I
tell you Johnny and I made up last night
big time you made up why isn't Johnny
going with you oh he had don't enter
squeezing around with a bunch of old
broads a bunch of old brought of course
it's a red hat society cruise
[Laughter]
[Music]
I wouldn't have it any other way cuz you
back me
[Applause]
03x08 - Still Cruising
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Bill and Judy Miller are a blue-collar Chicago couple trying to raise three children responsibly without sacrificing their youthfulness.
Bill and Judy Miller are a blue-collar Chicago couple trying to raise three children responsibly without sacrificing their youthfulness.