[Music]
football I love football it's my
favorite kind of all people I love
cheese balls my second favorite Bowl
going on um she's fixing my kite
aerodynamics and that are all wrong and
I've only got two months to fix it
before kite Club season there's a kite
club yeah I'm vice president so if the
president can't fulfill his duties you
get b*at up by the football team hey I
was gonna watch the game but Kristen I
just started watching our movie I miss
Miller all right Chris you're really
over here a lot aren't you I like here
hey you should have seen it back before
there were so many people on the couch
dancer guys go watch the movie over
chris's house we don't own the TV what
are you doing your living room sit
around reading paper and what are you
doing your bathroom yeah cute please go
watch the game upstairs please online
children I hate children my least
favorite kind of people
[Applause]
[Music]
[Music]
Laurens food do not eat those house do
not care mr. Miller what are you doing
coming down from Lauren's room after
midnight we were just studying with all
sleep accidentally oh well you're gonna
fall down the basement stairs
accidentally I just fell asleep I swear
we did you come any closer I might throw
up it's going Magee I found him sneaking
out of Laurens room we didn't do
anything I swear we just fell asleep I
guess it was that big turkey sandwich I
had you ain't my turkey too that's it
you're going down Chris why didn't you
go on home mr. Miller and I need to talk
what are you doing our daughter my
turkey I can't throw the neighbor boy
down the stairs yes that neighbor boy
was in our daughter's room trying to
become the neighbor man don't go crazy
chris is a nice boy I totally trust him
with Lauren do I have to remind you his
parents or lesbians have to do what that
is then I'm just saying the boy might be
more experienced than you think I mean
who knows what this kids see hot tub
parties naked camping trips pillow fight
to get out of hand
they're lesbian stuff to make them sexy
I've seen plenty of cinemax movies that
beg to differ plenty fact since I'm up
[Laughter]
[Music]
Shelley Terry we just love having
neighbors like you guys women brave
American mix the neighborhood feel hip
it funky kind of like Greenwich Village
well we do what we can we loved having
Chris around all the time he's polite
mature and looking for a place to park
his boy parts listen he told us he and
lauren fell asleep studying any promises
it will never happen again Yeah right
I'll never steal beer out of your garage
again what I point is that men like
apparently that we need a lock in our
garage look Lauren told us the same
story and maybe they did just fall
asleep but we were kind of hoping you
guys would help us keep an eye on things
unless you want us to be family someday
nobody wants that you create your
concern but we have talked Kris to be
respectful with girls and we think
Lauren is safe with him but he is a
teenage boy and as we know the male
species not your specialty know plenty
about Mendel were close with our dads we
have brothers we've even had boyfriends
really yeah in fact in college we dated
the same guy for a while you did
actually we met each other through him
he's gone oh well thank you for letting
us come over actually that reminds me of
a movie I saw the other night you guys
have a go camping
you believe those two that kid Adair's
has I'm so full they really do seem to
trust and respect their son that's gonna
fight him on the air well I don't trust
him he's a weird kid whose parents are
freaks because okay no because they
don't have a TV that is unnatural and
the next time he comes over here i'm
just gonna happen to be cleaning my
r*fle you don't have a ride okay then my
bellybutton areas that may sound you
might want to try getting to know him
that way he's more likely to respect you
and less likely to disrespect her
daughter not a bad idea take the kid out
somewhere to bond where Brian how would
you feel about a day with me at the
batting cages really that'd be great dad
I'd love that perfect that's where I'm
taking the neighbor boy Ryan yeah dad
can you move your mom's car
there we are masseur I thought you were
giving me a ride home from school just
gonna hit a few balls you know have a
few laughs are you still mad at me no no
no no no no I think you're a great kid
fact I want you to think of me as a
friend buddy just one of the guys all
right you know you could learn a lot
from a guy like me I know a thing or two
about a thing or two I drunk from life's
cups nor have you been drinking from
lunch cup today no no no I like to keep
shocked when I have business with mr.
Spalding that had some smoke on it maybe
we should find a slower cage I think
this is the slowest there's a picture of
a turtle on it maybe just cuz you're
standing all wrong oh yeah who taught
you how did that my mom's they played
varsity softball Ohio State they did
yeah they even went to the All girl
world finals in Sweden uh-huh uh-huh
keep going I had nothing nothing here
let me show you we have liftoff remember
to vote upon your back foot shift your
weight Oh somebody get him a blanket
he's on fire smooth were you serious
when you said we could talk about
anything anything one for the guy in the
kayak
there's friend of mine Oh more tokens
anyway there's this friend of mine who's
been dating this girl and even though
it's usually the guy that's moving too
fast in this case in my friends case
it's the girl that wants to do stuff if
you know what I mean so the girls moving
too fast and he doesn't like it sounds
like someone's not interested in girls
honesty girls I know so it's you were
talking about wait a minute if we're
talking about you that means the fast
girl is Lord and I've got a hell of a
nerve calling my daughter personally I
don't want to hear another word out of
you oh say you were staying a place i
know i'm standing on the plate what do
you think I'm stupid
[Music]
hey Brian where you off to oh the winds
picking up so I'm taking around on a
trial run oh it's at your little pelican
akai this little kite can withstand a
scale five when strength okay and it's a
pterodactyl it looks just like the
placemats of the hungry pelican you know
what maybe I can't i String class so we
could have ourselves a little race this
is here something there's like five
reasons why that's aerodynamically
impossible oh honey you know what else
is impossible getting a girlfriend while
you're carrying around that kind hey
girl hobby out and go with Chris at the
batting cage very educational I found
out my swing is too fast and so is our
daughter chris said that Lauren's the
one looking to move too fast i'm gonna
go tuck her into bed with a staple g*n I
think I can handle this so really I mean
you're prepared to talk to your daughter
about sex sex bill don't be afraid of
the word you might have to use it up
there and penis and vag*na I won't have
to use the P&V words I I can just say
Patrick and Virginia okay I don't think
you're ready to have them to talk with
our daughter why not because you're a
big Virginia I'd you're a little
agitated right now if you go up there
like this it's gonna turn into a
shouting match Olga okay but it's not
because I couldn't handle it
do that bracelet looks really great idea
hey hi mom hi mrs. Miller hey Becca wait
so you know to drug him getting high on
life that's how can I talk to Lauren for
a second yes ma'am she would call me me
because she's scared of you good I like
Becca honey I'm time for you and I to
have a little mother-daughter chat you
know Bryan's running around with a kite
maybe you should have a mother-daughter
chat with him where to begin uh your
father spent the afternoon with Chris
what my boyfriend Chris snow big deal he
was just bonding with my boyfriend they
were just having a talk but during the
course of the conversation it came up
that apparently Chris feels that
romantically you're moving a little too
fast for him oh my god honey i use
because it's none of your business
actually it is you're 15 years old and
you don't want to get a you know
reputation I cannot believe that you're
talking to me about a reputation was
that supposed to mean you're the one who
is easy in high school where did you
hear that from you dad and Aunt Linda
and our crossing guard I can't think of
anyone I haven't heard it from oh I did
not we're not talking about me here
we're talking about you yeah well I'm
not you and just because you fooled
around with everyone in high school
doesn't mean I'm going to you can't talk
to me like this why it's true honey room
i'm in my room don't you tell me what it
down that's where you're wrong little
lady let's think about that for a while
and you're out forever well so happy
you're damn city to say that I had no
room to talk because I was a slot in
high school what
now I can't believe I lost it like that
up there okay look we can fix this
Lauren can you come down here for a
minute honey what are you doing did you
just let yourself get a little too
emotional what we need is a rational
third party that can deal with you
subjectively hey now I know you're a
little angry with your mother and your
father because they don't know how to
stay out of my business you are our
business and it's our business to keep
everyone else's business out of your
business we don't know what their Lauren
and Chris are engaging in any
inappropriate intimacy or swimming a lot
here maybe we should give Lauren the
benefit of the doubt thank you okay I'll
just sit down and discuss this
rationally hey now this is yours esli
daughter and she has given you no reason
to believe that she's anything but a
sweet and innocent it's a little nut
nothing is that a hickey okay is that a
hickey I bumped into a door it's my neck
ouch that must hurt saying it with a
straight face would you always stay out
of my wife okay good start these open
seeds are so right now what we do is we
let it settle for a while and then we
invite her back down again and play
something called emotional charades I'll
start two words both one syllable means
go home alright then good luck with your
daughter
well well well look at what we have here
isn't this a pretty picture quite a stew
oh yeah it's a real pickle I'm kettle of
fish indeed okay you gonna say something
makes sense anytime soon or try not to
point fingers that boy is an animal what
did I do yes what did she do okay first
off he acted all innocent the other day
when I took him to the batting cage you
took our son to the batting cages he
wanted to go any was giving me a ride
home from school you kiddin ask our son
don't get all excited I just thought he
might like to talk to an older man about
sex and you're well hope dare you we
were just concerned about our daughter
because your son isn't as innocent as
you think what does that mean he gave
Lauren a hickey on her neck a hickey
that's what we had to rush over here
about it's not like you're missing a TV
show besides it's not about it hehe it's
about the fact that he lied to my face
about not doing anything with my
daughter born has a hickey Oh like you
had nothing to do with it does that mean
she is another boyfriend look at this
performance is like watching the great
Patrick Swayze what's going on Chris
what are you doing here why are you
cheating on me no Chris it's not like
that okay then who gave you a hickey I
don't want to talk about it well you're
gonna tell us who gave you the hickey
yeah who I gave it to work
we gave them to each other you gave each
other hickeys why would you do something
like that oh I can think of a reason
look we gave them to each other but but
what's a vacuum cleaner vacuum cleaner
probably something they saw on TV why
would you do that because i wouldn't
give her one it's just stupid bracelet
thing at school what bracelet thing
don't tell them anything Chris tell us
oh don't I know that look he's gonna
barf we better get him out of here 323
three becka what's goin on that guys I
have to tell her your mom is very scary
yes I am okay at school there are
different color bracelets you wear that
show different things you've done with a
guy and Lauren and I didn't have any so
some of the other girls dared us to see
how many we could get you gave each
other hickey so that you could wear a
bracelet yeah a red went okay big deal
it's not like we tried to get all the
other colors what other colors the other
colors you get for doing other things
okay are you happy god this is so
embarrassing can I go to my room too
ma'am pullin on at that school Brian we
just heard about this whole bracelet
information system do you know anything
about it yeah sure I have one I never
take it off really what does your say
you'll do um it says I'll die if someone
gives me penicillin
[Laughter]
well I'm happy to learn you know where
we keep the vacuum cleaner glad you find
this funny it's not funny it's
frightening you thinking you have to do
things with boys to prove yourself to
other girls it's only one bracelet mom I
mean my life at school easier okay
Lauren that's crazy well you're not
their mom okay I just feel like
everybody at school up something like
I'm a baby but you're rather they look
at you because you can baby I'm not
gonna get pregnant mom I'm not gonna
have sex all I need to know I mean I
know you're gonna end up doing things
with boys sooner than I'd like you to
but when you do it we should be for the
right reason I know because I'm in love
and we're married or at least it's
really really hot for the guy I just
mean that I want you to do it when you
want to do it and not because of some
stupid bracelet oh ok so sometimes it's
hard to know what to do I want you to
know that you can always come and talk
to me about this stuff okay you promise
not to freak out on me okay sighs I
could be helpful you know like you said
I have some experience in this field
tonight might be able to give you a
little guidance you know I thought it
was gross when you try to teach me to
sew teach you how to do anything you're
gonna have to learn that on the streets
like everybody else thank God father and
I love you very much and we're just
trying to help you through all this I
know hey you want to have some fun ask
your father who Virginia
[Music]
hey here hold this for me I've never got
my kite this high before I go get my
camera the guys in KY club are gonna
believe this whatever my kite it moved
on and so should you
[Laughter]
[Music]
03x11 - Still Fast
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Bill and Judy Miller are a blue-collar Chicago couple trying to raise three children responsibly without sacrificing their youthfulness.
Bill and Judy Miller are a blue-collar Chicago couple trying to raise three children responsibly without sacrificing their youthfulness.