03x14 - Still Drinking

[bunniefuu]

hey hey how's the museum I saw hundreds

really old fossil Wow and they let you

bring one home can I knew so much about

the dinosaurs the mummies really

surprised me how smart she is given this

all miners pulled from shaft pulled from

chef yeah we know Tina smart she's doing

great in school have you had her tested

to see if she should be one of those

accelerated program oh I don't know

Linda I don't want to put that much

pressure on my kids that's why we said

no when that fancy private school tried

to recruit brian wait what qe I was a

gifted child and nobody ever encouraged

me Tina deserves better a private school

tried to recruit me relax Brian we also

didn't let your sister audition for the

Fine Arts Academy and they practically

begged us what they will pull up talking

down there was crazy

[Applause]

[Music]

all I have to say it's nice to have a

romantic date night every now and then

and it's nice for me that you think

eating tacos in a parking lot is

romantic what can I say it takes me back

to my wedding night what's going on

downstairs I'm sorry parking lot tacos

were a mistake I'll go check it out hi

dad back early yeah your mom wants you

to keep it down what are you kids up to

them here oh we're playing Dark Lord

it's a board game based on the social

hierarchy of feudal society so it's not

just a board game it's a bored out of

your mind games

[Laughter]

what's going on oh nothing Brian and

Lauren's friends are down there I told a

joke and cracked him up really that's

hot what normal girls don't like Brian's

friends and no kids like your joke

what's this doing back up I just knocked

it down don't you see we will give them

a key to the lock they've set up a

parent alarm we knock it over they know

we're coming they have time to hide

whatever is going on how stupid do they

think hi again what are you guys doing

back down here Oh your father said you

were having so much fun down here I

thought I'd check it out for myself yeah

I hope I didn't interrupt you when I

kicked the bucket okay that it's not

funny at all what is going on nothing

okay me and my girlfriend's r upstairs

whom I heard Brian and his friends

having so much fun that we decided to

join them I mean what's so weird about

that the girls are having fun with Brian

and his friends nope a lot taken why do

you guys always have to assume that

we're doing something wrong okay we're

not getting into trouble can you give us

some credit please geez maybe you're

right sorry we bothered

[Laughter]

the jacket test tubes we were conducting

an experiment Oh to see how stupid your

parents are we can explain all right um

it's the only reason that those were

there is because we were going to play

spin the bottle oh then go ahead play

spin the bottle anyone got a mint okay

me we're having a beer party you two are

grounded for two months no stereo no TV

no phone and you can forget no internet

no car no money for clothes hey I want

to take stuff away too and you're not

allowed to have laughter you can't take

away laughter trust me you can I didn't

know my friends bringing alcohol yeah um

we didn't drink anything only because we

came home early and it's a good thing we

did yet you had warm beer cheap vodka

and wine coolers what do you think

everybody knows it's liquor before beer

never fear beer before liquor never

sicker of course whiskey is risky but it

makes the ladies frisky yeah we're

trying to teach them not to drink not

how to drink you're right that was dumb

like mixing wine and rum don't think

about that

Judy Cassie cash Matthew Luke Alverson

you are in a boatload of trouble mr. Abe

Oh mode I'm this summer you can forget

all about Mary NetCam that's right I

don't think the other puppeteers want to

share a booth with a boozehound you go

wait out in the car Tommy Lee okay

thanks for calling it is awful well what

are you gonna do the kids are an age

where they're gonna experiment I blame

myself I'm afraid there's been times

where matt has see me enjoy up to two

beers and one sitting at Christmas time

I do enjoy my warm waffle I'm not sure

what that has to do with drinking there

okay look it's time we all take

responsibility for this we need to set a

better example absolutely we need to be

better role models I couldn't agree more

we need to stop drinking you need to go

now I'm not talking about forever I'm

just saying we need to show her kids

that we could have fun without alcohol

wow this a few days couldn't hurt i was

thinking more like a month okay you

really need to go

[Music]

there's my girl well I thought about you

all the way home Oh what oh you're gonna

get a kick out of this I just got an

email from the Halverson's they actually

got the other parents to agree to that

no drink and say stupid halvorsen's

acting like they're heroes for not

drinking yeah we could stop drinking if

we wanted to are you laughing at um you

not drinking so funny about that we

could stop drinking for a month son

you're gonna be kidding me funny um I

have a joke for you mom and dad stopped

drinking for a month bien hey hey hey

you know I took away laughter be gone we

need those two we could stop drinking

for a month we're not the kind of people

who need to drink to be here yeah we are

happy we just drink to be happier Hey Oh

kids are giving us a hard time for some

reason they don't think we could stop

drinking for a month wonder what would

give them that impression masakit

Brian's middle name is hop or the

Florence middle name is barley I'm not

saying you guys drink too much but you

do tend to drink in front of your

children maybe we have been setting a

bad example is that how our children

think of Judy I can quit anytime I want

and I'm talking about letting that one

into our house kids come in here please

your father and I have been talking it

over and we've decided to join the other

parents would be good role model that's

really not necessary yeah we gave up on

you guys years ago we each picked are 0

new role models you p minus the manager

at the Clinique counter and brian has a

librarian from school

Evelyn is firm but fair well we're doing

it anyway from now on there's not going

to be a single drop of booze in this

house for the next month right bill

right yeah now pour it out of the

glasses in the sink I sort out the

cereal bowl yeah no I'm stopped to say

[Applause]

hey buddy I new shipment of the

international beers are in ready to go

around the world in 80 burps I told you

there's no drinking in the house so you

guys are really serious about there's no

drinking thing yeah these past three

weeks have been easier than I thought I

have more energy I've saved the money

I've even gone down all belt notch back

to the regular holes not the ones you

made with the barbecue for rough day

yeah little something to take the edge

off thank God I got my needlepoint spot

I'm dropping on off a dance practice a

not just a had beer in the house well

that's my fault Brian I brought them in

your parents haven't touched a drop you

know I've gotta hand it to you guys I

didn t give you do it but really proved

us wrong yes we're really proud of you

Wow top weird coming out since you had a

drink in shape you better pace yourself

at your Super Bowl party on Sunday your

no drinking things over by then right

yeah it ends this saturday um actually

it'll be a month on Monday that'll be 30

days canimals be 28 days a month can

this month can't yeah but it's almost

over we're just a few days shy it's a

gimme right sure whatever we didn't

think you could do it anyway there go

stop selling his pride your vaunted the

Clinique counter said this was gonna

happen yeah we need to stick this out

otherwise you're going to teach our

children that it's impossible to have

fun in the

house without alcohol no we're not we're

teaching them it's impossible to enjoy

other people without alcohol and present

company excluded no I get it I'm quite

miserable right now myself she's a part

of a dry super bowl party oh come on

it'll be fine I'll still make my super

bowl of chili and bill will still do his

famous fat time dance I do a dance every

year and right after the jello sh*ts and

before the tequila what do i do after

the tequila we made a pact that we would

never talk about hey Jennifer idea for

mock gin and tonic Virgin Mary name your

poison rat and make a double for

yourself oh you're mean sober look that

I know you didn't want to have a dry

super bowl party but it is really cool

that you're actually seeing this through

maybe next month you can give up stupid

well my chili sucks cuz I couldn't use

my secret ingredient beer you put beer

in the children no people drink beer and

then they don't notice that my chili

sucks we're gonna help my needlepoint

hey thanks again for throwing this

alcohol free party I for one am high and

being dry I would like to be drunk I

know it doesn't rhyme but it's just the

way I feel right now to reward everybody

Ted and I made gifts for all the parents

the sober ball get it yeah enjoy the

chili hey all right thanks for coming oh

man we wouldn't miss bills big Super

Bowl bad where's the kick Oh didn't fit

to tell you there is no cake Sears the

dog was okay I try to make us Bill's

hosting a dry party to set a good

example for the kids oh hey that's cool

bill let's roll yeah

hey yeah we got t-shirts we ought to

Arnold Palmer has 10 it's not helping

give it a sh*t the games already started

all right I'll stay just to see you do

you have to have this man I wait all

year for that what is this dance I do

what are you doing yes I told you no

beer in the house technically I'm under

the house it's one beer one beer but

don't tell anyone else got you one more

beer Judy you need some help with those

hey you got beer you can't come down

here too Oh Judy I thought you were cool

cool fine but after this one you both

come back upstairs hey you want to pull

for the road no I can't man take a pull

really I can't I'll take a pull Judy

take a fool my kids and I wouldn't I'm

Judy my kids have a beer parties and I

can't drink they do boss of me I got you

with everything

can't believe I broke my promise to my

kids hey I'm sorry Judy we shouldn't ask

you to do nothing beats the crap had a

needle point where the Saudis oh I

forgot Oh Don Lemon you know Judy I

couldn't made it through this party

without you you're my rock you filthy

lying you had fear something some life

and crisp a lager okay your buddies have

beer in the basement and I didn't want

to drink but they told me I wasn't cool

boy going down there to give him a piece

of my mind I'd like to see him try and

get me to drink Oh almost forgot my mug

what's the mug for chili my chili mug

see you chile one fear Maureen Judy I

got this whole thing under control

[Applause]

maybe you all should think about what

you're talking who's gonna tell where

all the other parents go maybe they went

out to get some decent chili

[Music]

beers when I remember the heck is going

on down here hey guys welcome to super

bowls out I don't believe this I made a

promise to our children you going back

on it this type of behaviors exactly

there you go but thank you hey that's

beer I didn't want a drink hmm what's

his problem watch Norwegian son of a

that's good I didn't want to drink

it for some cigar smokers third again um

where'd all the parents go I think the

real question is who cares oh wow from

the basement lot lot we're this was

never locked hello be right why are you

guys downstairs we're just watching the

game down in the cellar like they did in

the olden days come in sure come on down

kids we got nothing to hide nothing at

all to hide huh

look everybody our children going on

down here just a bunch of boring adults

so why aren't you guys upstairs watching

the game on the big TV yeah what's going

on nothing oh my god that a beer bottle

look I know we said this party was gonna

be alcohol free as this house has been

for the last month but your mother came

down here to get some more soda and she

found some beer oh my gosh all right I'm

sorry they were just left over from the

last party what were you thinking we

were gonna drink them okay we were only

saving them until we were 21 and we

didn't feel just awful especially since

you guys have worked so hard not to

drink all month yes we did it and we are

very disappointed very I'm so

disappointed I might throw up you can't

go on upstairs the adults have some

things we need to discuss well I think

we just learned something very important

from those kids yes there's more beer

down here fan out okay Brian I know you

learned a lot from this whole experience

but I just want to go through it one

more time do we have to yes it's very

important something a son should learn

from his father and you know maybe one

day you'll pass it under your son fine

come on don't be afraid to back super

bowl not a funeral that's it how big

[Music]

[Laughter]

[Music]

cross him actually

[Applause]

[Music]