[Music]
hey dad what are we doing for Mom's
birthday Paul that's right it's today
I'd better go get a gift the guy at the
store said it would be ready mom's
birthday isn't till next week oh my god
I got nothing well she's trying 40 we
should do something special she's
turning 40 she looks great I do you have
any idea hold any of us are Ryan that's
an ugly game that I want to win maybe we
should have a good party I don't know
turning 40 is a very sensitive issue for
women their lives are half over and
their best years are behind them that's
something we can put on our cart hey
guys what's going on we're talking about
your birthday and how your life is over
it's okay guys I am fine with turning 40
I mean look at me I still fit into my
teenage daughters bathing suit what I
mean I could still fit in but we're not
gonna make a big deal out of this
birthday grandma and grandpa come and
we're gonna go for a nice dinner that's
it but what about presents Oh do not
spend any money on me just give me
something from your heart kid but not
you big daddy you need to come up with
something that's gonna Wow me and not
you putting a whole cheesecake in your
mouth you can do that Wow don't worry I
got some ideas all right now why don't
you let me help you set the table for
dinner doesn't count as it gasps kids go
help your mother
hey
[Applause]
[Music]
all right the meaning of the moms
birthday gift committee will now come to
order I move that we rename the
committee Brighton sucks monkey I vote
yes committee thing and figure out what
we're getting mom for her birthday I'm
just gonna do what Tina does right I
love you mommy on a card spell something
wrong mom cries and boom I'm good team
is eight when you spell something wrong
mom cries for a different reason hey
when your Kings mom turned 40 he made a
list of 40 things that he loved about
her we could do that you know you're
nice you're pretty we love your meat
loaf I do love her meal we're great this
is going to be easy and so into the
first meeting of Brian sucks monkey
that's not the name instead we voted her
mama daddy oh not yet the att*ck company
has the flu and I'm picking up mom from
the train station in a half hour what
are those oh my company newsletter did a
big story of my promotion with big
picture and everything and that you know
I just kind of want to leave it in a
place where mom will accidentally find
it aren't you just show it to her
because Judy that would seem needy I'm
gonna need a brighter ball yes you are
surprised you're just doing here we were
gonna pick you up at the train station I
know I decided to drive out those trains
are so unreliable and I didn't want to
miss my favorite daughter Imam I mean my
daughter's birthday I often want to miss
spending time with someone else is very
special to me hey Gus I
[Music]
why do you guys call each other Gus
because nobody has fun like Gus it
cracked me up every time oh oh okay I
guess ladies getting old how can I got
your luggage oh that old Souq a kid
broke on the way up can get me
screwdriver and something to fix my
tooth page with gosh I can't believe you
drove all the way up from Indiana by
yourself that is so dangerous don't
start with me about my eyes again well
did you get some chest with you said you
were going to I'll do it when I get back
no no you are not driving anywhere until
you see someone yeah mom I could
probably settle this vision thing blitz
me for all one sec he couldn't read this
it's sauce my company newsletter hey was
that on the front page you work with
Cloris Leachman hoarsely train note mom
not to picture of me seemed I can't even
seriously that's not closely true
nonetheless mom you need to get your
eyes checked oh I am NOT going to any
eye doctor Gus tell her I'm fine that
bill to do your bidding for you Gus tell
her she's going oh yeah this is new
trick what he wants to get out of doing
something he pretends yes two three come
on let's get you settled a lot careful
up those stairs mom stuff little
something I learned and thank you leader
Oh save it the only went upstairs oh
I wonder why do you gotta chick of a mom
going the eye doctor I know what it is
Judy's turning 40 and she can't deal
with it do you he's fine about turning
40 mm-hmm or maybe she hasn't dealt with
her fear of aging and she's obsessing
over a mother getting old in psychology
we call this projecting well you call
the belief that you're a psychologist I
call it nuts that is the filthiest joke
I've ever heard that's why I knew you'd
love it how could I not love it it's got
everything a gorilla or house and beans
and I still didn't know where it was
going oh sorry you have to drive me to
the eye doctor on your day off according
to Judy I need a chauffeur when did my
daughter turn into such a hard-ass he's
not a hard-ass she's a woman who loves
us deeply and expresses it through fear
and v*olence so you're afraid of her
don't be ridiculous of course I am hope
you're not mad at me about all this Gus
no I just wish we were off doing
something fun I mean my eyes are fine
look I can read all these billboards
refinance your home Kings outlet mall
lucky deuce casino next exit
I am being such a great time I haven't
played craps in years I can barely
remember the rules heartache press my
six five dollars on the yo don't ever
got golf bedroom Ellen I I think we may
have to cut this short we've only got
ten minutes oh they'll give it up we're
never gonna make it to the eye doctor no
I'm talking about the prime rib buffet
it's all you can eat and I think I can
b*at the house hi dennis is a big role
salt pepper I'm got the whole bedroom
actually for this we need the fresh
ground
[Applause]
[Music]
all right line let's start with your 40
reasons why we love mom I love you
because you're nice and you're pretty
and you make good meatloaf it didn't
even try all right Tina what do you got
nice to me meatloaf pretty again my
thing okay so you tell me we can't come
up with more than three things that we
love about our own mother well maybe we
should just give up on this and buy her
something no no she wants a gift from
the heart and I shouldn't be that hard
I've got to be more than three things oh
you know here's one she has nice hands
that's four and I fingers my god that's
like 10 things right there I gotta fall
so bad she's not an idiot that's another
one she's got a minute I what a
coincidence my driver's license expires
on my birthday mom everybody's done Yeah
right Brian everybody's license expires
on my birthday then we're back to for
you promise me we're gonna go to the
doctor tomorrow I swear what hard-ass
doesn't know won't hurt her right I
smell like booze little do I smell like
beef kinda good Judy won't suspect a
thing okay Hannah caught the eye doctor
oh good good but he didn't get to finish
all the tests we have to go back
tomorrow what kind of test just the
usual all I know is we both have to fast
tonight I am so stuff why do you have to
pass as a show of support bills taking
me again tomorrow but mom tomorrow was
my day remember i was going to take you
to the arboretum well honey I'm sorry
but I have to take care of my health I'm
gonna go online down now I am so drunk
hey hey well I'll come with you we can
talk okay honey but if I close my eyes
start doing my breathing exercises
doesn't mean I'm not listening I know
seems to take in my moms too doctor
don't worry about it no I had to work
and it's not a fun thing to do on your
day off well I knew it was important to
you and that made it important to me hey
mom grandma I doctor called he said she
missed her appointment today he wants
you to call him you're gonna let go you
gonna run were you oh yeah
you took my mother to some casino
instead of taking her to the doctor but
she didn't want to go and I didn't want
to force her Helen likes me I don't want
to ruin that I I never had a mother what
that I could stand I mean come on saw
this doctor stuff really about your mom
you know you're turning 40 and you're
worried about your mom getting older
maybe your project tiling I assume you
mean projecting the sake of keeping the
conversation moving we'll go with your
word bill I honestly have no problem
turning 40 I am just concerned about my
mother now you have to take her back to
the doctor tomorrow because I have to
work and if there's nothing wrong with
her I will forget the whole thing all
right fine I'll take over you where if
they go again not a present so difficult
to shop for wasn't look disgusting joke
I've ever heard I'm gonna really even be
in a whorehouse honey it was there
somewhere we could drop you well this
was supposed to be our day together
remember and Judy wanted me to make sure
you actually made it to the doctor this
time you d like I can't be trusted to
not go back to the casino although i did
find thirty dollars in chips in my purse
and i'm feeling pretty lucky mom you
have to go through with this judy said
that a few nice aunt judy said you know
when do you used to be the fun one
really be the fun one sure yeah no
you're right I am I am fun one yeah come
on Bella star the casino we got plenty
of time to that grumpy old doctor up get
it oh just drop me off and I'll be right
out or better yet just just slow down
near the off-ramp and I'll tuck-and-roll
Oh God all right but just long enough to
get you thirty dollars I promise in and
out I'll cash in my chips will still go
to the dr Judy I'll never know yeah
because she can be such a wet blanket
right but me I am all over going to the
casino because I'm the fun daughter
right MA yeah sure fine yeah you're the
fun daughter top it you're embarrassing
I'm gonna make your appointment we gotta
leave right now oh darn I guess we're
not gonna make it what are you doing to
me you had no intention to go into that
dr. good oh jeez so cool oh let him lady
live a little hella everything on the
heartache are they working on the come
out come on sh**t roll them bones yeah
damn bonesy gonna roll themselves gay
hey we get it hey I'm sorry Mary 47
listen hey now come on give me my money
Helen excuse me is there problem here
this one's not the sh**t will donate
but it was a seven and eight Linda you
saw what did he roll Jimbo sorry man
could you please step away from okay no
I want my money helen joe you know what
everybody just relax i have an idea what
are we just called a do-over okay
we're are a big dinner starting to worry
your father's never late for anything
that involves cake of your birthday we
have to look something to give yeah you
sweet kid will you told us not to buy
you anything so we put our heads
together we can opposite yeah Gordy
dollars one for every year yeah and
their singles because you're our single
favorite mom sweet I was just hoping you
do a little something more from the
heart I did I make you something from my
heart Oh 14 things I love about you
honey why 14 because that's how would
you I good sweet but honey mommy's 40
not 14 really I wish I'd known I could
have come up with 40 easy get ready for
dinner yeah come on Tina let's go
upstairs you'll be fine Lauren I'll have
to get dressed I'll take care of you
know find out whenever works doctor oh
we all damn we covered our bases now we
just need for you not to blab like you
usually do mom I don't blab on the fun
Meister
I added the Meister it's fun isn't it
we're back hey that doctor's appointment
really ran long is everything okay
absolutely he said there's nothing wrong
with my eyes everything's fine hey
nothing wrong never was but the doctor
said so you see you worried for nothing
yes I owe you an apology but you can't
blame me for worrying mom you don't want
a gamble when it comes to your eyesight
who's anything about gambling hey Morgan
bones what is wrong with you you're
sweating like a pig what's going on you
guys I could see now no never with a
doctor I didn't know what the hell is
wrong with you you know she wouldn't go
unless you took her by the hand and you
made her go she didn't want to go hey
she's right here and she's not a child I
can fight my own battles okay the same
way I can make my own decisions about my
help I will go to the doctor when and if
I choose to fine you're right I can't
force you if you don't care about your
eyes de neither do i go blind be my
guest thank you do you believe her
sometimes she got off my back thank god
I've got you Gus actually it was a seven
what the guy at the table rolled a seven
not an 8 it was right in front of us and
he couldn't see it really I mean it's
your decision but I think you should
make that appointment wow really a
wake-up call when you're high side gets
so bad it interferes with your gambling
[Music]
sorry Helen are you gonna talk to you
too no no that's your call but she's a
good person and I think he all worth
that thank you sweet cash I think I just
found Judy a birthday present Judy now
you that mom you made your point no
actually you were right about my eyes
what I definitely need to see a doctor
something a little fuzzy going on there
although it does get better when I drink
have you been fighting me on this and
what's with the lying in the gamble it's
just trying to hold fun before
everything on me goes to hell um you're
not an old lady because you're having a
little I trouble Laurens teacher told us
years ago that she needed glasses and we
just told her sit closer to the board oh
honey i'm not feeling old because i need
glasses feeling old because my
daughter's turning 40 why are you
freaking out it's my birthday and I'm
fine with it yeah well I'm not seems
like yesterday you were my little baby
girl I was putting you on the washing
machine so you'd fall asleep suddenly 40
years have gone by like that Oh see that
hurts right there when I
I just hate that we've been hiding oh
there's no reason we can't get closer as
we get older you know we should both
aged together with grace and dignity I
agree 20 please that's 33 crabs
[Music]
I wouldn't have it any other way cause
you backed me
[Applause]
04x06 - Still Aging
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Bill and Judy Miller are a blue-collar Chicago couple trying to raise three children responsibly without sacrificing their youthfulness.
Bill and Judy Miller are a blue-collar Chicago couple trying to raise three children responsibly without sacrificing their youthfulness.