[Music]
good morning oh hey Brian I'm making all
your favorite things for your birthday
dinner this weekend lactose-free lasagna
and chocolate free brownies or as I call
him crap ease I'm actually mama I was
gonna go hang out with my friends don't
you want to spend your birthday with
your family Judy's turning 18 let him
have a wild night out with his buddies
howl at the moon so how are you gonna
spend your first night of manhood at
uncle Phineas is old-timey arcaded ice
cream parlor oh jeez and then after that
we're gonna go check out some close-up
action that's more like he's talking
about a magic show sleight of hand and
sleight of mouth and then we're gonna
cap off my birthday blowout with a late
night show at magnificent milton's
marionette theater wow I did that on my
fifth birthday and it was lame Zen come
on Tina you didn't have to say that
because we were all thinking it I forget
that you and me are going out together
for your birthday wait a minute and not
go see the marionette show yeah the
birthday boy gets us in on stage in the
old cobbler shoe son son son how i wish
i had a son
[Music]
okay so Clay Aiken is going on stage in
one hour who's ready to soft rock yeah
I'm sorry Aunt Linda I can go to the
concert i have homework you trying to
blow me off you don't do homework I
actually one's gonna try to blow you off
but I really do have homework well uh
okay i can't go to a clay aiken concert
without a teenage girl look like a
weirdo is Brian around yeah but he's
filling out college stuff okay well what
are you working on maybe I can help you
get it done faster have to write this
poem for english i'm working on it all
day okay I love poetry tell me what you
got I like food it is good I don't mean
to be rude but you are screwed they
don't have a different like you damn
well know it's true in high school like
uh well it was quite the poetess mm-hmm
crippling depression is a wonderful muse
why don't we head back to my apartment i
can give you one of mine to turn and of
course you know it is plagiarism yeah I
can't cuz it's supposed to be a poem not
a play don't worry honey I got poems too
how are the applications going they're
taking forever first Miller to go to
college and don't take it lightly
remember who's paying for it means that
people who give out scholarships and
loans
and who's pathetic salary helps you
qualify for those scholarships alone you
know what you're uh you're right dad
you're half a Surrey has really given me
a leg up and it's almost at least I
could do but it is any less let me know
T'Pol I thought you had a meeting
scheduled with the recruiter from
Stanford well you know I'm kind of
leaning towards the Palo now you know
it's close by but you said you like
Stanford psychics program physics well
change your major if you want to but
don't base your decision on which
college is closed sir well if I went to
depaul I could live at home but if you
lived at Stanford I could visit the OC
know your mother gave me a free pass on
Mischa Barton I thought you said LeVar
Burton either way knock yourself out
sounds to me like you're afraid to leave
home you turned in 18 Brian it's time to
start standing on your own two feet
which means choosing the best school
we're talking about your future here of
taking care of me and your mother and
don't we deserve a better life than the
one we gave you all I'm saying is keep
an open mind go to that Stanford
interview I'll think about it worried
about that one it's obvious he's scared
to leave home face it Judy these kids
have it too good here three meals a day
we've overfed him we've let Brian stay
little boy too long with the puppets and
the magic and the action figures when
you take them out tomorrow Tony needs to
be more independent and push this
stamford fit don't worry I got it
covered I'm gonna teach him everything
he needs to know about being a grown-up
man oh I spilled
well you probably to a strip club for my
18th birthday no no this is a
gentleman's club and today you are a
gentleman by the way check any seat
before you sit on it fine you're a grown
man now you're finally old enough to
experience what every grown man
fantasizes about in their every waking
hour and all you can eat hot wing buffet
son this place has to be a secret
between you and me all right I get it
cuz you know what mom dinner oh she
knows who do you think brought me here
when she didn't want to cook one time I
just don't want this place to get too
trendy it'll lose its mom and pop hey I
feel kind of weird about it's nothing
weird going on we're just the father and
son the wings while all around women
take the clothes off for money it was
great you know it's been my birthday all
day but I didn't really feel 18 until
right this minute oh this is what your
mom and I want for you to get out in the
world and spread your wings which is why
we think you should reconsider Stanford
yeah yeah maybe maybe you're right I
should spread my wings yeah spent a
couple of them over here oh you are
gonna love being an adult not having
anyone to answer to being your own man
but that's not great and in honor of
this special moment here's a little
something for me and your mother happy
18th birthday thanks Tandy to have to
get me a car insurance bill you have to
pay that from now on but it's a small
price to pay for being your own man five
hundred dollars thank you oh no no he he
owes five hundred dollars Wow
is there anything I can do for you you
bet we are out of blue cheese
[Music]
no how'd it go with that poem i gave
your hope it was okay actually it's been
kind of a nightmare really why what
happened he's you're gonna like it no he
loved it in fact I have to read it at
some dumb poetry contest ah the iambic
pentameter just wish mr. Unger hadn't
made such a big deal about it what mr.
Unger I had him he gave me a c-minus on
that poem gave me an A and you're going
to the pentathlon well I never made it
to the pentathlon five minutes hey man I
know what this is about you are pretty
and popular in high school I was
sexually confused and going through a
very awkward stage more awkward than
this conversation you know what I had
half a mind to tell that mr. Unger that
he is a shallow and hypocritical mate I
just want to read this poem pass English
and not have to go to summer school so
nobody is gonna tell mr. Unger anything
okay okay okay good suppose I should
just be happy that my poem is being
recognized and I have such a popular and
pretty nice
way to peak early honey enjoy your 30 I
can't believe what just happened I went
to pick up ryan from his tutoring job
turns out he quit two weeks ago well
that explains everything when I was just
screaming at you to get me a beer you
weren't even in the house I'm sorry
about some of the language I used hey
where have you been I was tutoring don't
lie to me I'm not lying to you yes you
are you quit tutoring when were you
gonna tell us I I didn't realize I had
to you have to when I don't know where
you are every day so where have you been
spending your afternoons you know what
if you don't mind I'd really rather not
get into I do mind you have to tell me
right now hold on hold on a few weeks
ago I got a lecture about how I should
be more independent and make my own
choices remember it was when I got my
birthday present the the car insurance
bill for five hundred dollars yeah but
but say something didn't did you pay
that cuz when I gave it to you was
already passed me yeah dad I did pay it
and the late fee so I believe we're done
here we didn't wait a minute I know this
stamp it's from the strip club with the
wings since when do you go there dad
took me there for my 18th birthday but
that was weeks ago and you're mr. washed
my hands every day there's tons of them
is this where you've been spending your
afternoon well if I had been it's none
of your business Ryan I am so
disappointed in you you spent all
afternoon of that strip clubbing you
don't bring any wings home from me what
is the world out of Styrofoam containers
is it huh answer me young man
[Music]
Brian I know you're upset but your
mother's just worried about you well
there's nothing to worry about listen
gentlemen's clubs may be great for the
occasional hot wing buffet or a bachelor
party but going every day might be a
little much you know you need to have a
little self-control self-control that
when we were at the club you ate chicken
skin off the floor ah suddenly mr.
everyday strip club guys judging me for
eating a tiny bit of floor skin no dad
you you guys want me to be an adult but
then you want to tell me what to do and
you can't have it both ways so I'm gonna
be going to the strip club whenever I
want and what am I supposed to tell your
mother huh huh no really tell me cuz
you're smarter than I am I'll give you
fifty bucks that'll get you a few dances
how did it go up there Judy I'm his
father how do you think it went oh my
god we've lost him forever this is
partially my fault I told him to be his
own person then I sent him out of his
first night of adulthood with a man with
the brain the size of a Lima Bean which
is the largest of the beans I can't just
sit here and watch my little bribry
throw his life away on some nudie bars
we need a way we can lure him back what
could Brian like more than boobies
Junior so where is master Brian the
shows about to begin right I have a
surprise for you I'm Judy
Oh mr. puppet this is my husband bill
hello hidey-ho bill mr. MacDougall's the
name ah-ha wider grip you've got there
big fella well III did play football in
high school ooh really all stayed
actually three three times bill you're
lying to a puppet can this be the
birthday boy Wow the Magnificent
Milton's what what are you guys doing
here happy birthday brian i figured
since you couldn't see the show on your
birthday I'd bring the show to you come
on this is really nice you but you
should have checked with me first I have
other plans what but this is your
birthday present I know and I appreciate
that but I am an adult now and I keep my
own schedule mr. MacDougall cream puffs
the bear good day you're going to legs
aren't you hmm that strip club it's a
gentlemen's club yeah but still during
the daytime creepy okay I'm leaving
goodbye well official I don't have a
little boy anymore
one step closer and you're going in the
fireplace he can do it he's a how can
you get up he's a puppet help you go
come back you're still here I told you
you could go I figured as long as we
paid for him they could entertain Tina
which they're not oh who are you Sammy
Davis jr. could you guys give us a
minute can the guy who's pulling my
strings of a beer sure I was expecting
Brian home by now he's supposed to meet
with that recruiter from Stanford at six
he didn't mention it bet he's not even
planning on going I don't like this he's
obsessed with that Club it's gonna ruin
his future I'm going down there and make
sure he goes to that interview you're
right Judy this is serious stuff I'll
just go settle up with the puppets
listen guys it was fun but
hey you got a city this they're playing
soccer with a lemon and from the
mountains I do here echo echo echo
[Applause]
that's it that was Ethan Johnson reading
his poem echo our next participant is
Lauren Miller reading her poem searching
for morning searching for morning by
Lauren Miller hi I stronger it's me when
the Michaels class of 82 National Merit
Scholar Doctore I'm sorry I've had a lot
of students since then Judy Michael's
sister all right how is Judy truthfully
not aging well anyway I'm just here to
see my niece Lauren Oh Lord yes she's
quite the poet mm-hmm yes yes she is um
just out of curiosity does her a poem
happened to remind you of a certain
steam- poem that I wrote not that I
recall well why don't you listen to it
see if it sounds familiar searching my
soul unable to find good I went into the
kitchen and I made myself some flood
that's all what are you doing here is
supposed to end through my stuff into
the Ripper d*ed to a block of wood we
didn't want to go out on dinner it's
su1c1de it is I was about what just
completely m*nled my walk it's your
what I'm emotionally divorcing myself
from the piece I'm done and the winner
is Lauren Miller
oh my gosh way I did not prepare a
speech I have so many people to think
[Music]
I don't see him around oh my god what
Brian didn't tell me they have a build
your own burrito night it's the lies on
top of lies excuse me hi we're looking
for a Brian Miller he's 18 brown hair oh
he's in the fantasy room and I wish
you'd get him out of here I don't like
what he's doing with those girls that
Bell he doesn't like what he's doing
with the girls and he's a sleaze bag hey
sleazebag with feelings sorry Judy brace
yourself this is one of those things no
mother should ever have to see I've
never been more turned on in my life now
who can point out the purpose of snow
phrase in that sentence remember what
the hell is going on here
really what the hell is going on in here
mom what is all this well I'm tutoring
the dancers I need the money to pay for
my car insurance and when I was here
with dad I found out that the girls
needed some help getting ready for their
GEDs so sadly it is what it looks like
hey Ryan ain't you gonna introduce us to
your parents excuse me Brandi oh sorry
aren't you going to introduce us to your
parents very good and no mrs. Miller I
just wanted to say that thanks to your
wonderful son I'm on my way to becoming
a real nurse oh that's very nice of you
to say nurse chugs okay girls like I
think we're done for today oh wait Ryan
you forgot to give us a homework oh
right uh read chapter five thanks a lot
to cinnamon I believe you took him down
here oh we didn't want you to miss your
interview with Stanford yeah that was
changed next week if you're gonna but in
my life you should at least get the
facts straight so this is why you quit
your tutoring job at school well the
ladies pay me more than the English
department plus t*nk they give it to me
under the table they pay in cash oh why
didn't you just tell us well I tried but
then he started yelling at me like I was
still a kid you're right we should have
trusted you but you've got to understand
we want you to grow up but then when you
do we worry whether you're gonna make
good choices did you go get a burrito
happy hour ends at six okay I hope this
proves that I can make my own decisions
Ryan I never thought I would say this in
a strip club but I'm very proud of what
I saw you doing here today
oh god I forgot to proofread Brandis
letter to her probation officer I'm
helping her regain custody of her kid
did a good job with that one yeah we did
well here we are in the fantasy room
shame to let it go to waste what what do
you mean you got 20 bucks sure oh well
you got burrito on my shirt arms up oh
yeah no way those are real chance if the
way just comes back get me another beer
I'm gonna go hit the cash machine okay
sister shakin
[Music]
wait a minute that's my sister
[Music]
[Music]
good morning oh hey Brian I'm making all
your favorite things for your birthday
dinner this weekend lactose-free lasagna
and chocolate free brownies or as I call
him crap ease I'm actually mom I was
gonna go hang out with my friends don't
you want to spend your birthday with
your family Judy's turning 18 let him
have a wild night out with his buddies
howl at the moon so how are you gonna
spend your first night of manhood at
uncle Phineas is old-timey arcaded ice
cream parlor oh geez and then after that
we're gonna go check out some close-up
action that's more like he's talking
about a magic show sleight of hand and
slide of man and then we're gonna cap
off my birthday blowout with a late
night show at magnificent Milton's
marionette theater Wow I did that on my
fifth birthday and it was lame Zen come
on Tina you didn't have to say that
because we were all thinking it I and
forget that you and me going out
together for your birthday wait a minute
and not go see the marionette show yeah
the birthday boy gets us in on stage in
the old cobbler shoe son son son how i
wish i had a son
hey
[Music]
okay so Clay Aiken is going on stage in
one hour whose raid soft rock yeah I'm
sorry Aunt Linda I can go to the concert
I've homework you're trying to blow me
off you don't do homework I actually was
gonna try to blow you off but I really
do have homework oh ok i can't go to a
clay aiken concert without a teenage
girl look like a weirdo is Brian around
yeah but he's filling out college stuff
okay well what are you working on maybe
I can help you get it done faster have
to write this poem for english i'm
working on it all day okay I love poetry
tell me what you got I like food it is
good I don't mean to be rude but you are
screwed they don't have a gift for it
like you day well no it's true in high
school I huh well it was quite the
poetess crippling depression is a
wonderful muse why don't we head back to
my apartment i can give you one of mine
to turn and of course you know it is
plagiarism yeah I can't cuz it's
supposed to be a poem not a play don't
worry honey I got poems too how are the
applications going they're taking
forever first Miller to go to college
and don't take it lightly remember who's
paying for it mean that people who give
out scholarships and loans
and who's pathetic salary helps you
qualify for those scholarships alone you
know what you're you're right dad you're
half a 3 has really given me a leg up
and it's almost the least I could do but
it any less let me know good Paul I
thought you had a meeting scheduled with
the recruiter from Stanford well you
know I'm kind of leaning towards the
Palo now you know it's close by but you
said you like Stanford psychics program
physics well change your major if you
want to but don't base your decision on
which college is closed sir well if I
went to depaul I could live at home but
if you lived at Stanford I could visit
the OC know your mother gave me a free
pass on mischa barton thought you said
levar burton either way knock yourself
that
sounds to me like you're afraid to leave
home you're turning 18 Brian it's time
to start standing on your own two feet
which means choosing the best school
we're talking about your future here of
taking care of me and your mother and
don't we deserve a better life than the
one we gave you all I'm saying is keep
an open mind go to that Stanford
interview I'll think about it I'm
worried about that one it's obvious he's
scared to leave home face it Judy these
kids have it too good here three meals a
day we've over fed him we've let Brian
stay little boy too long with the
puppets and the magic and the action
figures when you take them out tomorrow
Tony needs to be more independent and
push this stamford fit don't worry I got
it covered I'm gonna teach him
everything he needs to know about being
a grown-up man oh I spilled probably to
a strip club for my 18th birthday no no
this is a gentleman's club and today you
are a gentleman by the way check any
seat before you sit on it fine you're a
grown man now you're finally old enough
to experience what every grown man
fantasizes about in their every waking
hour and all you can eat hot wing buffet
Sam this place has to be a secret
between you and me all right I get it
cuz you know I mom dinner oh she knows
who do you think brought me here when
she didn't want to cook one night I just
don't want this place to get too trendy
it'll lose its mom and pop
hey I feel kind of weird about it's
nothing weird going on we're just the
father and son the wings while all
around women take the clothes off for
money it was great you know it's been my
birthday all day but I didn't really
feel 18 until right this minute oh this
is what your mom and I want for you to
get out in the world and spread your
wings which is why we think you should
reconsider Stanford yeah you know maybe
maybe you're right I should spread my
wings yeah spent a couple of them over
here oh you are gonna love being an
adult not having anyone to answer to
being your own man that that's not great
04x15 - Still Eighteen
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Bill and Judy Miller are a blue-collar Chicago couple trying to raise three children responsibly without sacrificing their youthfulness.
Bill and Judy Miller are a blue-collar Chicago couple trying to raise three children responsibly without sacrificing their youthfulness.