What's wrong, honey?
I forgotwhy I came downstairs.
To apologize to your wife
For yearsof boorish behavior?
No.
Apologize to mefor years of boorish behavior?
Mm, no,doesn't sound like me.
Well, honey,what were you doing?
I was flossing.
I was!
Okay. While you were flossing,
You realized the flosswasn't shredding in your teeth,
Which meant I bought the brandonly millionaires can afford,
Which led you to thinkabout all the other ways
That money is thrown awayaround this house,
So you startedwandering around upstairs,
Turning down the thermostatand turning off lights.
While you were packinga bag of kyle's clothes
To sell at the swap meet,
You remembered that ruby saidshe dropped a handful of coins
In the kitchen and a quarter hadrolled behind the refrigerator,
So you came downstairsto move the fridge to get it.
Thank you.
♪♪♪
All right, gracie, come on,blow out the candles.
Well, we should waitfor uncle andy's date.
Oh, wait.candles don't burn that long.
The sun won't burnthat long.
Yep, I've got no date.very funny.
You know what elsei don't have?
A giftfor my snide young niece.
How's that crap sandwich taste,birthday angel?
Aah! Ow, ow!
Andy, nice job.
You just got b*at upby a year old.
She's .
Just ignore what I wrotein your card, gracie.
Come on, sweetie. Blow outthe candles. Make a wish.
Hey,this house is rockin'...
So we're not knockin'!
You wished for the devlins?
What's wrong with you?
Tim, cindy,we weren't expecting you.
Yeah, otherwise,we would have locked the door.
(Both laugh)
Hey, timmy timmy koko bop,
Looks like we're just in timefor a b-day party.
I see that,pirates of the cindi-bbean.
Luckily, I always travelwith a party in my pants.
(All) ugh!
(Horn tooting)
Okay, gracie, I'm gonnarelight these candles,
And you make a wishfor them to leave.
Tim, cindy, we're kind ofin the middle of something,
So I don't wantto be rude... I will. Go!
(Laughing)
Don't mind us, right?it's like we're not even here.
Yeah, sure,until captain banana hammock
Rips off his pants.
Ooh! Yikes, dana,
You might wannalay off the cake.
Looks like it wasn't all babyin that tum-tum-tummy.
I am poundsover my pre-baby weight.
Well, how come andy lookslike the skinny one, hmm?
(Giggles)
Hey, I got a riddlefor you guys.
Ooh, we love riddles!yeah, what is it? Go, go!
What wearsmatching track suits
And needsto get outta my house?
(Both laugh)
b*rned!
To a crisp! Ow!
You just cr*ck us up.it's gonna be really hard
For one of usto never see you ever again.
I'm listening.
I'll start,i'll start. We... Are...
Get... Ting...
A... Di...
Vorce. (Gasps) divorce?
This ismy best birthday ever.
The lawyer told us to divideeverything in half.
Even the bad-- news.
You guys just seemedso right for each other
And wrong for anyone else.
True.
But we've already worked outthe divorce settlement.
Who gets the , matching tracksuits?
Hey, do you want 'em? 'Causethey'll stretch to cover that.
But we just can't decide
Who should get our two bestestfriends in the whole world.
Jesus and santa?
No, silly.
M.c. Cheryland d.j. Jazzy jim.
So we decidedto have you pick.
Who do you wannabe friends with, huh?
Are we allowed to pick-- neither?
Stop beingsuch a giggle puss.
Now who do you want?hot times summer in the cindy?
Or the huntfor red oc-tim-ber?
Uh, I choose cindy.
Yeah, yeah. Cindy. Cindy'll be fine.
-Letter wordfor flying reptile.
Is it across or down? Down.
Huh. I don't do down.never have, never will.
Hey, hey, hey! What do you sayon this fine, fine day?
I say the same thing I saidyesterday and the day before--
Get out and stay out.
(Laughs)
You're always on.
Oh, I love it.
Oh, this place is fun,even for a gay divorcée--
(Gasps) oh, andy, I'm sorry.i didn't mean to offend you.
I mean the happy gay,
Not the disco dancing,leather pants gay.
Having leather pantsdoesn't make--i'm not gay.
Really?then explain the haircut.
Well, I'm gonnago to the kitchen.
Why?
Why?
I'm out of beer.
Jim...
Freeze, blondie!
Where do you thinkyou're going?
The pharmacy. You went there yesterday.
At the bank. It's closed.
Mexico?
Cheryl, if you'regonna go to mexico,
The least you could dois k*ll me first.
You're right. I can'tleave you here alone.
(Sighs)
Oh, damn,we're outta beer.
I gotta go to the storeand get some more.
Freeze.
Look, honey,this can't last forever.
I mean, cindy's lonelyright now, but pretty soon
She'll latch onto some poor sapand be out of our lives forever.
Oh, do you promise? Yes, honey, I promise.
How did we everget into this?
Of course I promise.you just gotta relax. Just can't stand it anymore--
(Both gasp)
(Both) aah!
(Both) aah!
(Laughing)
(Crying)
Hey, cheryl, check it out.three weeks later,
And I'm already backin my pre-pregnancy pants.
Oh...
I don't mean to brag,but on the way over here,
A construction workertotally whistled at me.
Um, honey, are thoseyour pregnancy underwear?
What?
Yeah, I can seeyour whole backyard.
Yeah, you might wannago borrow some sweats.
I went to the mall. Aw...
Hi, honey.how was your day?
Hell.cheryl, hell, pure hell.
Andy, on monday,
Just chattered all day longabout cindy.
Oh, that's cute.
Tuesday was take cindy to work day,
Sweet!
And today was take cindy at work day.
All right,that I did not need to hear.
Hear?i had to walk in on it.
Jim, it's new love.
No, it's not, cheryl.it's a disease.
Oh...
Andy's changed.he's changed the way he walks,
The way he talks, the way he'sdressed. He's becoming a devlin.
Oh, you're actinglike he's possessed. He is possessed.
Hey, hey, hey!
What do you sayon this fine, fine day?
Hey, you two.sorry about hogging
The space shuttle atlandy this week.
Oh, we'll make it up to 'em,salt lake cindy.
We, uh, wantedto invite you two cats...
(Making meowing sounds)
(Growling)
(Laughs) over to my placeto do some hot tubbing
And apologizefor being such strangers.
Oh, yeah. I don't think we'regonna be able to make that. Why not?
I have no desire to go.
(Both laugh)
Of course we'll cometo your party. Cheryl...
Now if only I could rememberwhat time the party starts.
I know.
Hey, show himthe number to r.s.v.p.
I know the phone number!i know the phone number!
(Laughs) huh?
Hey, let's take this partyover to your place.
Can I have a piggyback ride? No, but you can havea piggy-front ride.
Whoo! Oink, oink!
Oink, oink, oink! All the way home.
I have an excuse for my butthanging out. What's his?
That's it, cheryl.put a pot of coffee on.
I'm gettinga piece of paper and a pen,
And we're gonna map out
A strategyto break those two up.
No, no, no ,no, nobody'sbreaking anybody up.
Andy is family, and ifhe's happy, we should be happy.
Happy?how can we be happy?
He's dating someonewe totally hate.
What world do you live in?
The same worldi've been trapped in
Since the first dayyou two met.
Only andy decideswho he dates.
Yeah, I agree, but the guythat just pranced out of here
Squealing like a pigis not andy.
No, it's likea zombie movie.
You know, we shouldcut off his head
And burn it in a ditch. Jim, you knowwhat we're gonna do?
We're gonna go to that party,and you're gonna behave,
And it's gonna be overbefore you know it.
Honey, andy's relationshipsare like his diet--
Over by lunch and followedby days of shame.
Nope, I'm stickingto my plan and my map.
Here we go.
Here's andy's house.here's his mailbox,
And here's a cobra.
You know what? Everythinglooks like andy's butt now.
So, uh, ruby got an a on her history test.
That's just terrific.
You know what, cheryl?
I can reach back,grab that cd player,
Yank it in the waterand end this now. Oh...
Whoo! (Laughs)
Look at us, huh, buddy?
We got us a couple foxy ladies,don't we, jim?
You look really goodin that bathing suit, cheryl.
Aren't you gladyou let me wax you? Did I really let you,
Or did you sneak up on mewhile I was napping?
Yep, she's a sneaky one.
(Laughs)caught me yesterday.
Tell you one thing,you wake up refreshed...
Refreshedand slick as a whistle.
Oh, andy.
Hey, I got an idea.
Why don't we seewhich one of you guys
Can hold their breaththe longest? Oh! Sounds like a hoot!
Starting now! Oh, yeah!
Cheryl, cheryl, can't you seewe have to break them up?
Oh, you are not breakingthem up. They're in love,
And it's none of our business. Yes, it is our business.
He's my best friend,and she is gonna ruin his life.
You know what some peoplesaid to me about you?
And if I'd listened,we would not be here today.
Well, you should've listened.you could've done much better.
Who won?
It was a tie. Do over.
I've never seen him happier.back off.
I'm not gonna back off.i'm not gonna back off.
I want my buddy backthe way he was.
What, pathetic and alone? Yes! I love that guy.
What were you trying to sayunder there?
I said, will you marry me?
(Gasps)
Marry you?that seems kinda quick...
But not as quick as this--of-course-i'll-marry-you-
I-love-you-so-much-have--my-children-let's-start-now!
No, no, no.now they're getting married!
She is the devil. Jim--
No, she is. That's whyshe wears that bathing cap--
She's hiding her horns.
(Both gasping)
Okay, I admitshe's annoying... She is.
But if andy loves her,i love her. Cheryl--
I thinkshe's licking my leg.
That could be andy.
Oh, and that's better?
(Gasps) is thatandy's bathing suit?
First dibs on the shower. Race you!
(Laughs)
Dana! Oh, dana,
Do you want to splitanother pair of pants?
Let me tell you how I keepmy derriere extraordinaire.
I clench my glutes nonstopduring dinner.
Watch me now.clench, release.
Whoa, whoa, whoa,can I feel? Yeah.
Clench... Release...
Clench...
Whoa, whoa, release.
I can bend a forkbetween my cheeks.
Jim, lend me your fork. Oh, sure.
No! Cheryl, if I haveto put up with her,
At least let mesee the show. Here you go.
(Doorbell rings) I'll get it.
No, I'll get it. No, no, I'll get it.
Let me get it. I'll get it.
You know, I couldn't takeanother second in there.
I know. The last thing I need isfor another one of my siblings
To marry someone I can't stand. How do you put up with it?
Oh, we've gotto have them break up. I got a plan right now.
What? Tim devlin!
You're brilliant. Hey, it's notmy first rodeo, baby.
Hey. Here's those hot tubpamphlets you wanted.
Don't know why you needed themat exactly : ,
But there you go, jim.
Well, thank you. Don't you mean, jim jacobjingleheimer schmidt?
You know, the cutesy nicknameswere kind of cindy's thing.
Since we've split up,i've tried to be a little less--
Like someone you wanna strangle? Good one.i've always liked you, jim.
Ha ha, and I've never liked you.come on in.
Uh, listen, uh, the reasoni brought you here
Is because I wanted you to know,from us, from the family,
That andy and cindyare engaged.
Wow. Yeah, they're gettingmarried next week.
That's terrible! I know. That's why I wanted youto come back, because we think
You should go in thereand fight for your woman. Yeah.
No, I mean it's terrible,because I'm gonna be
Out of town next week.sienna and I are going to maui. (Jim and dana) sienna?
New girlfriend.swimsuit model.
I'm older, got a little money.it's not that hard, jim.
Come here.
That's her out in the car.
Yeah. I don't like to brag,but I'm hittin' that.
Nice job. Yeah.
Hey, why don't youbring her in, so, you know,
She can meet the family? Sure thing,but we can't stay long,
Because sienna's friendsare having a party,
And I'm the only oneold enough to buy the booze.
Okay. Bring her in,bring her in.
Great idea. So when cindysees tim's new girlfriend,
She'll lose it. No, I just wantedto get a good look at her,
But that's a good idea.
Oh, thanks forthe swell engagement dinner.
Well, look who it is.jim devlin. What a surprise.
And who is this?
Sienna, your new girlfriend,the swimsuit model?
Wow, tim, when yousaid swimsuit model,
I didn't realizethat you meant someone
Who was a lot youngerand much hotter than cindy.
Jim, I can't believeyou would do this.
Golly, oh! I am so sorryyou got dragged into this,
Tim-ichanga con queso.
You silly boots.you need to wake up
And smellthe yummy, hot cup of java.
You're not gonna break upme and w.k.r.p. In cindy-nati.
We're like seahorses. What?
They mate for life.i saw it on a cartoon.
There were two seahorsesthat got married, and--
Honey, shh, shh, shh, shh.
You thought bringing tim-pathyfor the devil into this house
Was gonna change things?
No. I gotta sendyou guys a telegram.
Cindy loves andy. Stop.
Nothing's evergonna break us up. Stop.
Oh, god. Take me back,take me back!
Stop!
You know you're stillmy mr. Tim-bourine man.
Aren't I stillyour breakfast at tiff-cindy's?
Listen to me.
You are a wonderfuland kind and strange woman.
But if I've learned anythingfrom my three days with sienna,
It's that I likehaving sex with her.
So you take care, okay?
Hold it right there,mister.
You kiss me one more time,
And then tell meyou're ready to walk away.
Okay, take care.
Honey.
Ooh, can I drive? Can I drive?i need to practice.
Bye!
I'm hittin' that.
Okay, so where were we?
Oh, wedding plans--deejay or band?
Cheryl, say something to himand ruin his day,
Or keep your mouth shutand ruin his life.
Andy, if we have a boy,can we name him tim jr.? Ooh...
If you marry this woman,i am gonna cut off your head
And throw it in a ditch.
Burn it in a ditch,but go ahead.
Andy, she justasked her ex-husband
To take her backright in front of you!
I think,in a healthy relationship,
You needto pick your battles.
Look at me. You're not in love.you're sick.
You've got devlin-itis!
Wow, sounds like someone doesn'twant to be matron of honor.
Dana, how about you?can you be thin by thursday?
Cindy, honey, I really think
Maybe you need to be alonefor a little while. Huh?
Hey, is that timcoming back?
Oh, homer tim-son,you came back!
I love you, too.
I was testing you.
Oh, I didn't get that!oh, do it again.
No, no, no, no.
Maybe you should go.
Really? Are you sureyou wouldn't rather...
(Imitates squeaking noise)
I suppose I got ten minutes.
(All) andy!
I mean, no, no.
(Sighs) good-bye, cindy.
Suddenly I'm... All alone.
Will I ever find love--
Oh, a puppy!
I'm gonna cut off your tagsand take you home!
You okay?
Yeah, yeah. I guessi was in over my head.
It's just nicehaving someone around.
(Jim) someone around?
You mean an annoying lunaticwho's trying to steal your soul?
You didn'tlet me finish.
I mean, having someonearound this general area.
We want you to be happy,
But you gotta find someonewho lets you be you.
Yeah, there's a special girlout there for you,
Probably in russia,scrubbing floors.
Thanks, guys.you're the best.
Aw... Well, let's go back to beingthat guy that you were, huh?
Forget the devlins.you're done with the devlins.
You're right.
Yeah! Andy-ham lincolndoesn't wear these anymore.
(Gasps)
I, uh... I'm not wearingmy speedo, am i?
No.
No, you're not.
She did do a good jobon that waxing.
Oh.