01x04 - I Can't Go Back

[bunniefuu]

It's time. Time for you to get up.

Look in the mirror
and decide who you wanna be today.

Winners aren't born, they're bred.

And in order to succeed hard,
you need...

What is that?

That's my podcast alarm.
The Winners' Strategy.

- ...strategy for...
- Gets me pumped for the day.

Oh! Are you doing self-help?

No.

I don't think so.

Look at you.

Yeah. But it's not
like your weird mystical sh*t.

This is about tools for maximum success.

It'd be great for you, actually.
It's discipline, it's planning,

grabbing the life you want now.

What are you doing?

Shh! I'm grabbing what I want now.

I missed you.

But I can't be late for work.

Plus, I got to hop on the trampoline
to get my lymph nodes going.

Can you give me a ride?

I gave you a few last night, didn't I?

I mean to Jen's.

Baby...

when are you gonna start driving again?

Oh, my God!

I'm never driving again.

It's too triggering.

Baby, how are you supposed
to move past all of this

when you're still living with his wife?

- I don't know how you sleep over there.
- I don't.

I did last night, though.

Oh, I missed this California King.

Missed you in it.

Seriously, though. I'm worried about you.

Being around them
is not good for your head.

It's not bad for my head.

Jen and I are becoming
really close friends.

Judy.

What?

What kind of friendship is based on lies?

And manslaughter?

A layered one?

She doesn't even know who you really are.

You know what? I'm helping her.

You wanna help her?

Move out, let her move on.

I can't just not be friends with her
anymore. She relies on me.

What, just walk out on her?
I wouldn't even know how to do that.

It's not that hard.
Just pick a fight with her. Push her away.

That's your MO, not mine.

- Ooh!
- Ooh!

You know I'm vehemently anti-conflict.

And if I move out,
where am I supposed to go?

I don't know.

How about...

back to this California King?

I know you still love me.

- Don't do that.
- Come on.

Don't.

You got to admit,
last night felt good, right?

Like how it used to feel.

It did.

And you missed me.

I did.

Maybe we could go back
to the way it was...

before everything happened.

That's such a nice dream.

Or not.

Come home.

Wait. I thought you were
selling the house.

Well, sometimes your strategy changes.

Oh, God, you are the California King!

- Oh, hey, Judy.
- Hey.

You must really like that dress.
You wore it yesterday.

Uh...

Yeah, it's my very favorite dress.

- Nice.
- Where's your mom?

She's in her room.
She hasn't come down yet.

Yeah. I don't wanna shock you,
but she's pissed about something.

All right, now, push...

...down the road. Everything you want.

Everything you deserve!

- Hey.
- Hey.

- Hey! Hey.
- Are you okay?

Are you okay?

Yeah.

I can't believe you went to jail for me.
Why did you do that?

That's what friends are for, right?

No.

It was fine.

- Really?
- Yeah.

I'm so sorry. Steve didn't have
to bail you out. I would've done that.

So, what happened?
Did you have to spend the night there?

Uh, no. I spent the night with Steve.

Okay.

- We f*cked.
- Judy...

Like, a bunch of times.

- Judy!
- I know.

I have a weakness for him.
It's like an addiction.

But it was very transformative.

And there is something
that I have to tell you.

Ted was f*cking someone.

- What?
- Ted was f*cking someone.

Our Ted?

Yeah. Our Ted.

I was up all night
trying to figure out who she is.

How many Bambis do you know?

- Judy, it's a screen name.
- Right.

I hope it's not someone I know,
you know, like our chiropractor.

That would be a loss.

- It's so hard to find a good one.
- Or a mom at school.

Oh, God, I would k*ll myself
if it's Turid Kristansson.

Wait. Her name's Turid?

She's this Norwegian former supermodel
who takes pictures of herself

bathing with her kids
and posts them on Instagram.

Well, I don't think Bambi is Turid
unless Turid is also a waitress.

I'm chatting with her right now
on the game.

You are?

Yeah, she thinks I'm Ted.

- Huh?
- Don't. Don't look.

She got a filthy mouth and she can...
Wow! Really paint a picture.

Talking about his cock?
'Cause evidently she misses it.

She is and she does.

Oh, God. A waitress.
Jesus. That's disgusting.

Hey, I was a waitress.

- So was I, but I need to hate the bitch.
- Okay.

I get that you're upset,
but don't be a woman who blames the woman.

Well, who am I supposed to blame?
The man is dead.

Plus, he was married, so she's gross.

She got a new job
at some restaurant in Dana Point.

She thinks that Ted is meeting her
at the end of her shift.

- Oh, we are so going there.
- We so are.

But to do what, exactly?

Well, what I wanna do is punch her
'cause she is a slutty little homewrecker.

Okay. You wanna do that, but if I were
you, I would think of maybe, like,

a less violent strategy.

Fine. Then I wanna know
how the f*ck this happened,

when the f*ck, why the f*ck,
and what the f*cking f*ck,

- and then tell her that he's dead.
- Okay. That sounds like a plan.

And if I punch her, I f*cking punch her.

- Which one do you think is Bambi?
- I'll know her when I see her.

Oh, well, he'd like that ass.

You think it's her?

That's her.

- That's f*cking her.
- Her?

Yeah.

- He'd like the blonde.
- Are you sure?

I know my husband.

Sorry. Do you need a table?

Yeah.

♪ I'm a naughty girl ♪

♪ I'm a nice girl too
I'm a naughty girl ♪

Oh, God.
- ♪ Anything for you ♪

♪ Play with me
Come on, rocksteady ♪

Should we get the Macho Nachos
or should we get the Arab Spring Rolls?

What is the theme of this restaurant?

Of course she has perfect tits.

- Yours are better.
- Yeah, well...

mine aren't mine.

What do you mean?

I had the, like,
the double thing, you know?

You had cancer?

No. No, I...

I have the gene,
so I just got ahead of it.

I didn't want my kids
to lose their mom like I did.

Oh, my God. I didn't realize.

How old were you when your mom d*ed?

Nineteen.

So, older than Bambi.

I'm so sorry.

About which part?

All of it.

Have you figured out
what you're gonna say to her?

I just wanna know how many times.

It couldn't be that many times, right?
To fly under the radar like that?

I guess. But you gotta know a cock
pretty well to miss it.

- Hey.
- Oh, hey.

Welcome to Bliss Pointe. Can I get
you girls started with some apps?

Is your calamari fresh
or is it made from pig assholes?

It's squid.

I just heard some places use pig assholes.

- How is the Guacadilla?
- Oh, amaze.

We'll try that.

Yeah. No, you know,
I'll just have another Frojito.

Um, people really love
the Jerk Chicken Kabob.

What is the cuisine in this place, Bambi?

Is it Asian or Middle Eastern
or, like, Mexican?

Yeah, like, everything, I think.

Um, the owner is, like,
a globalist, I think.

Or he just likes to appropriate
other people's sh*t.

Yep. She'll have the Kabob.

Okay.

Thanks so much.

Obviously, whatever they had
was just physical,

because could you imagine
having to converse with that?

Okay. Look, if you wanna know
what happened or how many times,

I think open hostility
is probs not the best way to do it.

You realize that that is
the tip of my hostility iceberg?

Oh, I do.

But I think
that you should really befriend her,

charm her, soften her up.

I'm confronting her, Judy,
I'm not grooming her.

You know what I mean.

Ted was just never a player.

I mean, even when he was touring,
he was, like, the anti-player.

Maybe he wasn't.

Maybe I didn't know him.

- f*ck. f*ck!
- What?

Steve's pulling his house off the market.

Like I need that sh*t right now!

We had three f*cking offers over asking.
One in all cash.

- God, talk about players.
- Steve's not a player.

He's too scared of disease,
and he's very sensitive to condoms.

He told Christopher he fell back in love.

Chris always oversells clients
their houses,

like it's f*cking Love It or List It
or something.

But, no, it's f*cking just,
"List It, Chris."

I think that Steve
might have been talking about me.

Did you know
that he was pulling the house?

I didn't wanna upset you
and we were on another topic.

Yeah.
We're on the topic of assholes, Judy.

At least I didn't know
that Ted was a f*cking assh*le,

but you have all the information.

I know things weren't good at the end
with me and Steve,

but you were the one who said

that everything that we went through
made us crazy. And you're totally right.

I mean, you didn't really know
the kind, nurturing Steve.

Well, what about the Steve
that left you after five miscarriages?

- That's not fair.
- No, it's really shitty. But it's true.

He was hurting. I was hurting.

And then he was hurting
because I was hurting.

He's really been working on himself, Jen.

So what? I mean...

is he pulling the house because you're...

you're moving back in there?

I really wanted to tell you this morning,
but I didn't want...

This whole thing with Bambi came up.

You're not even in that house, Judy.

I mean, I have been in every room.

It is all Steve,
as if you've never even lived there.

Well, Steve has a very specific aesthetic.

What? Modern douche?

He let me put a Buddha in the guest bath.

You know what?
I can't live your life for you,

but, f*ck, would I be making
better choices than that.

Well, too bad we can't
live each other's lives.

It's too bad
because mine's so f*cking great.

Guacadilla and two Frosés.

I wanted a Frojito, Bambi.

Oh, dang. Sorry.

- It's fine.
- I'll drink sewer water at this point.

The Frosés are yummo.

Don't say "yummo."

Okay.

You know,
I hope this isn't weird for you,

but I just wanted to say that mango
uniform blouse looks awesome on you.

The color just really brings out
the gold in your skin.

OMG, you're so nice!

OMG, you are!

I honestly am really happy you said that,

because I just got a romper
in this same color for gigging,

and I was like, "Wait, is this too much?"

- Gigging?
- Yeah, I'm a singer-songwriter.

I play guitar and, like, some piano.

Would we have heard any of your music?

Well, I was working on an album
with my boyfriend,

who's, like, crazy talented, but...

- Your boyfriend?
- Well, he was.

He's been kind of hot and cold lately.

Hot and cold how?

Um... Like, he kind of ghosted me
a couple of months ago,

and then all of a sudden he was like,
"Hey, girl, I'm back.

I'll see you after your shift."
And I was like, "Thanks, Ted."

Ted.

- Ted's your boyfriend?
- He was.

I don't really know what he is now.

How long were you dating, Bambi?

Not that long.

Like a year and a half.

- Holy sh*t.
- I know!

To then not talk to me for three months!

He's lucky I love him.

- A year and a half!
- Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.

- I'm such a f*cking fool.
- No.

He was lying to my face
for a year and a half.

How did I not see that?

I don't know.
I think sometimes in relationships,

- people see whatever they wanna see.
- Yeah. You would know.

- It's not the same.
- Please.

You think Steve has really changed, Judy?

The assh*le that just gave you
a restraining order?

Okay. Our relationship is complicated.

- It's not complicated, Judy. It's toxic!
- I'm not perfect either.

God! Stop making excuses for him!

Stop projecting! Steve is not Ted.

Before everything happened,
Steve was really good to me.

He was kind. He was loving.
He never cheated on me. He was...

Really?

- I'm sorry.
- f*ck you, Judy.

- I didn't mean to say that.
- You said it! What did you mean?

I don't wanna fight! Okay?
There's a lot of sh*t you don't know!

Yeah. Well, you know what?
Apparently, I don't f*cking know anybody.

Jen! Come on! Where are you going?

Uh...

Can I get you another round?

No. I'm just gonna take the check. Thanks.

But you haven't even
touched your Guacadilla.

- Yeah. It's fine.
- Okay.

Hey, is your friend okay?

She seemed, like, kind of upset.

Ted's dead.

I'm sorry?

Ted, he's dead.

What... what do you mean?

Ted? Like, my Ted?

No.

My Ted.

I'm his wife.

What? No. That's impossible.

Impossible that he's dead
or impossible that I'm his wife?

Both.

He told me you d*ed.

Hey. You okay?

Hey. Yeah.

You look like you saw a ghost.

Thanks.

I'm so sorry about what I said.

It's all right.

What do you need?
Do you wanna go punch her?

No.

I keyed her car.

You did?
How did you know which one it was?

I don't know. I just guessed.

So, you keyed someone's car?

Yup.
And then I bought a pack of cigarettes.

I f*cking love you.

Such a f*cking joke! So basic.

He just turned this marriage
into a cliche.

f*ck him! Basic bitch!

Totally. You know what?

Maybe we should just pull over and,
you know, talk about it?

No. I'm fine!

Your driving is just a little erratic.

Please, Judy.
Will you please just relax?

- I just need to vent.
- Okay.

Oh, my God!

- I'm fine.
- Okay. But you're scaring me!

You know what? You drive.

I can light this f*cking cigarette.

I don't even want this.

Hey, I'm sorry I scared you. Okay?

You're okay.

We're okay.

The speed limit is 30 in Laguna.

- I know.
- Yeah. But you're going, like, 11.

I'm being safe.

You know that driving slow
is just as dangerous as speeding?

That's not true.

Oh, car agrees with me.

Did I tell you
Laguna is his hometown, right?

It's where he wanted to live,
where he felt safe.

It's, like, I just had to figure it out.

How am I gonna make money
and feed four mouths.

But you did it. You made a beautiful life.

What life? This isn't my life.

This is his life.

I worked to support him and his dreams.

I had my own dreams.

I'm really gonna need you to go faster.

Your dreams, what were they?

- They're stupid now.
- No!

- No. It's embarrassing.
- Come on!

I wanted to be a dancer.

That is not stupid. That's amazing.

I was really good too.

I bet you were.

But it just... seemed like his career
was taking off and...

Not to ruin it for you, it didn't.

But, you know,
I'm the one with the uterus,

and I've gotta be the grown-up here,
and for what?

So, he just stopped f*cking me

and start f*cking some 20-year-old
with big, warm tits

who makes him feel like a genius?
f*ck him.

You guys weren't sleeping together

and you didn't think that
maybe something was going on?

No. I did.

And I asked him about it, but he was
just so convincing with his bad back

and his depressed
"I'm-Never-Gonna-Be-A-Rockstar" bullshit.

Oh, God. It's Steve.

Of course it is.
He's been texting you all night.

He wants me to go over there.

What do you want, Judy?

Do you wanna go?

Do you wanna move back in with him?

I just want things to go back to before...

before everything happened.

What, you want it to be the way it was?

Holy sh*t!

- What are you doing?
- We have to go back.

No! Don't be f*cking stupid!
You can't go back!

I don't want things to be
the way they were.

- Good.
- I just wish things were different.

- You and me both, sister.
- I wish I was different.

No. No. Judy, you are great.

You are f*cking awesome.

Your choices are a little questionable.

Oh. You have no idea.

You don't have to do
what he wants anymore.

Too much has happened.

You know, love is just not enough.

You need space
so that you can be fully you...

or, you know,
you're just gonna end up like me.

And what would you do if you were me?

Oh, hey.

Hello, Steve.

Hello, Jen.

What's up?

You should take the cash offer.

It's 200 over asking.
You would be stupid not to.

She's always selling!

Look, I get why you'd want me to do that.
I do. And I'm sorry.

But I am pulling the house.
I don't wanna sell.

It's just such a big house for one person.

It's not just for one person.

Judy is not coming back.

I mean, it's not like you ever let her
live in this house to begin with.

You don't have a f*cking clue
what you're talking about.

You barely know her.

Maybe, but I get her.

Take the offer.

What happened? What'd he say?

God! He's a d*ck.

- I know.
- But he's the worst kind of d*ck.

He's a secret d*ck,
because you don't know it at first.

Because he's so good-looking and charming.

Yeah, but he's so good-looking, that it,
like, comes back around the other side.

Oh, God. Thank you.

- Hmm?
- I could not have done that myself.

Well, I'm so...

I don't know why I can't say no to him.

Because you're an addict.
You have to put down the pipe.

By the pipe, you mean his penis?

Yes. I mean his penis.
Obviously, I mean his penis.

- It's so hard for me to put that down.
- Is it a big penis?

- It's like...
- Oh, sh*t. Really?

It's a good version of big.

- Good-looking and with a big d*ck?
- What do you do?

- How do you find that again?
- You don't.

I know.

- You...
- I should go back in there?

No. You are beautiful,
and you are a good person,

and you have a great heart.

And you would never hurt a fly.

I don't think I deserve that.

Oh, just take it.

Oh, God. What is wrong with me?

Why do I pick guys who treat me like sh*t?

I don't know.
I just spent 18 years with a liar.

What does that say about me?
That I wanna be lied to?

I have to tell you something.

What?

He k*lled you.

What?

Ted. He told Bambi that you were dead.

Breast cancer.

No.

He said that he was a widower and
that he was raising the kids all alone.

Uh...

I didn't know if I should tell you or not.

I don't know if you
should've told me either.

I'm sorry.

I can't f*cking believe him.

Yeah. I know.

What the f*ck have I been doing here?

I've spent months trying to...

bring him justice,

obsessed with trying to find
the person that k*lled him,

and for what?

He f*cking k*lled me.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He's such a f*cking assh*le.

Right. He's the assh*le.

I'm glad he's dead.

Put on your seat belt.

I'm taking us home.

♪ I'm a naughty girl
I'm a nice girl too ♪

♪ I'm a naughty girl
Anything for you ♪

♪ I'm a naughty girl
I'm a nice girl too ♪

♪ I'm a naughty girl
Anything for you ♪

♪ Play with me ♪

♪ Come on, rocksteady ♪

♪ Play with me ♪

♪ Come on, rocksteady ♪

♪ Play with me ♪

♪ Come on, rocksteady ♪

♪ Play with me ♪

♪ Come on, rocksteady ♪

♪ I'm a naughty girl
I'm a nice girl too ♪

♪ I'm a naughty girl
Anything for you ♪

♪ I'm a naughty girl
I'm a nice girl too ♪

♪ I'm a naughty girl
Anything for you ♪

♪ Play with me ♪

♪ Come on, rocksteady ♪

♪ Play with me ♪

♪ Come on, rocksteady ♪

♪ Play with me ♪

♪ Come on, rocksteady ♪

♪ Play with me ♪

♪ Come on, rocksteady ♪