07x03 - Micecapades/Formula for Disaster

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ Timmy is an average kid

♪ That no one understands

♪ Mom and dad and vicky always giving him commands ♪

- Bed, twerp!

- ♪ The doom and gloom up in his room ♪

♪ Is broken instantly

♪ By his magic little fish who grant his every wish ♪

♪ 'Cause in reality

♪ They are his oddparents

♪ Fairly oddparents

- Wands and wings.

- Float-y crown-y things.

- ♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ Really mod, pea pod, buff bod, hot rod ♪

- Obtuse, rubber goose, green moose, guava juice,

Giant snake, birthday cake, large fries, chocolate shake!

- ♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ It flips your lid when you are the kid ♪

♪ With fairly oddparents

- Yeah, right.

- Hey, kids,

And really immature adults.

- I'm licking the popcorn so I don't have to share it.

[Makes lolling noise]

- Do you know what time it is?

Both: it's time for the [span]sleazy and cheezy[/span]show!

- And now for sleazy and cheezy in...

[Span]apocalypse meow.[/Span]

Slam! Clang!

Slam! Clang! - Ow!

Slam! Clang! Ow!

- This show is so funny.

Clang!

You laugh until you get double vision.

Cool. Timmy has two tvs.

Slap!

[Whistle blows]

- [Screams]

Slam! - [Screams]

Shing!

[Screams]

- It's time for cheezy's signature move:

He'll blow his whistle,

And some randomly heavy object will fall on sleazy.

[Whistle blows]

[Whistling noise]

Crash!

[All cheer]

- Poof is too young to watch this violent show.

It's a bad influence.

- Oh, he's fine, wanda. Trust me.

- Oh, timmy!

Clang!

Ooh, you have two tvs.

Thud!

- See?

- [Giggles]

- [Screams]

- [Moans]

Pop!

Timmy, I have a terrible headache

And exciting news.

I finally won the employee of the month award:

A membership in the coveted cheese of the month club

For one month.

- It's got hair in it.

- It's saskatchewan sasquatch cheese.

There's a little bit of sasquatch in every bite.

- [Groans]

- Well, I'm off to the ball game.

- I thought you were taking me and mom.

- Oh, I was

Until I got this nifty sasquatch cheese.

I think I'll call you sassy.

- Bye, dear.

Bye, sassy.

- Mom, does it bother you

That dad jilted us for some cheese?

- No,

Because I'll be watching the home spending channel

With your father's credit card.

I think I'll call you chargie.

- What am I supposed to do?

- You're going to have a super fun day

With your babysitter.

I think we call her vicky.

- Vicky? This stinks!

- Speaking of stinking...

I need to buy more diapers at the fairy mall.

- [Screaming]

Crash!

- And since I can't trust you two,

No [span]sleazy and cheezy until I get back.[/Span]

In fact, no tv at all.

Clang! - Ow!

[All scream]

- Ah! Both tvs are gone!

- Toodles.

- It's okay, guys.

Wanda's not the only one around here with magic.

Poofing up tvs is my specialty.

Watch.

Whoops. That's a tipi.

And... Another kind of t.p.

R.v.

Um...this may take a while.

- Poof poof.

- Sorry, poof.

If you want to watch [span] sleazy and cheezy,[/span]

I guess you'll have to work a little magic of your own.

- Oh, twerp!

I brought you a toy!

Clang!

Wow. You have two r.v.s?

Thud!

You're doomed, twerp!

Doomed!

Slam! Clang!

Slam! Clang!

Slam! Clang!

- Ooh.

Ooh?

Slam! Clang!

Poof poof.

[Giggles]

Slam! Clang!

Slam! Clang!

Slam! Clang!

Slam! Clang!

Slap!

Smack! - Squeak!

Cool.

I mean, oh, no!

Poof changed me into cheezy.

- What?

Oh, I get it.

The twerp knocked me out with the frying pan,

And now I'm having a dream

Where I'm a cat and he's a mouse.

Weird dream.

But I still get to annihilate timmy.

[Hisses]

You're doomed, dream twerp!

I mean, meow.

[Laughs maniacally]

- [Giggles]

- [Screaming] crash!

Change me back, poof. Crash!

Hello!

What part of "change me back" don't you understand?

Hello!

Squeak! Squeak! Squeak! Squeak!

Squeak! Squeak! Squeak!

Think, turner, what would cheezy do at a time like this?

Wait a minute.

Cheezy's whistle.

[Inhales deeply]

[Whistle blows]

[Whistling noise]

Smash! [Cat yowls]

- [Giggles]

- Okay, that was kind of awesome.

[Creaking noise]

[Out-of-tune piano notes plink]

Like, with this whistle, I'm invincible.

- Gulp!

- I mean, totally doomed.

- That was just an appetizer.

But the main course is twerp kebabs.

- Suv.

B.l.t.

Kenny g.

[Easy-listening music plays]

Ah! No kenny g!

- Boy, shopping sure is tiring.

There's got to be an easier way to buy things.

Where are poof and timmy?

- I don't know.

- Have you been trying to poof up a tv?

- I don't know.

- [Screaming]

- [Screaming]

Thud!

- Timmy?

Poof?

- The home spending channel,

Where you can blow your son's college fund

Without ever leaving the comfort of your home.

- Shopping without going to the fairy mall?

That's better than magic.

- I'll take the diamond-studded spatula,

The diamond-studded popcorn maker,

And the diamond-studded diamonds.

And of course, I'll need a parrot with that.

Oh, my parrot's already arrived.

Now, that's speedy delivery.

- Home spending channel.

Focus, wanda.

Keep looking for timmy and poof.

- Up next, the unicurler,

A hair care system for ladies

With one giant curl on top of their heads.

- Squawk!

Buy it! Buy it! Buy it!

- Ooh, a talking parrot.

I think I'll call you talkie.

- Dad's sewing room.

I'll be safe in here.

[Screams]

Ah! Or not.

Wait! Vicky's a cat.

And no stupid cat can resist

The stringy lure of yarn!

- Must...chase...yarn!

Uh...i hate dream twerp.

Kaboom!

- Cartoon mice rule!

- Squawk! Buy it! Buy it! Buy it!

- I will. I will. I will.

- Hi, honey!

We had a great time at the game.

Sassy caught a foul ball.

Timmy never did that.

Now, you wait here, sassy.

I'm going to put this ball on the mantle

Where timmy's picture used to be.

- Say cheese, dream timmy.

- Ha! Cats are so dumb.

We mice would never fall for something stupid like yarn.

[Moans]

Cheese.

[Munching noises]

So hairy,

So delicious.

Thud!

So doomed.

- Here, sassy, I got this new bike for timmy,

But you can have it instead.

[Gasps]

An evil cat with a bistro in her mouth.

Stay away from my cheese!

Smack! - [Chokes and spits]

- [Screams]

Awesome!

Not awesome!

- Gulp! Ha-ha!

- It's okay, sassy, you're with daddy now.

I have just the thing to stop that cat:

My emergency bulldog.

I think I'll call you barkie.

Sic 'em.

- Chomp! Chomp! - [Screams]

- [Growls] - curse you, barkie!

Honey, buy some dog food, fast!

- Already did, sweetie.

It's next to the universal rodent-to-english translator.

- Squeak! Squeak! Squeak!

Help!

Squeak! Squeak! Squeak!

- That sounds like timmy.

A mouse with a pink hat?

A cat with a ponytail?

Oh, that can only mean one thing.

- [Giggles]

- Poof, did you turn timmy and vicky

Into sleazy and cheezy because I took the tv away?

- Poof poof.

- I know you're sorry,

But that was very dangerous, young man.

Timmy could have really gotten hurt.

- Chomp! - [Screaming]

Clang! - Bad kitty.

Bad.

- Chomp! - [Screams]

Wanda!

Clang! Smack!

- Great. Now I smell like tuna.

But I did find a cool whistle.

[Whistle blows]

[Whistling noise] smash!

- Phew.

- Just say the words, sport,

And I'll get you out of this mess.

- [Squeaks excitedly]

- Uh, that's not exactly a word.

Clang!

- [Screams]

- Quick! Squeak into this.

- [Snarling]

- I wish everything was back to normal.

Crash!

- Hmm.

That was a weird dream.

How'd I get outside?

[Coughs]

And why am I coughing up pink feathers?

[Chiming]

And why do I crave milk?

Meow!

- Bye, vicky.

Sassy, say good-bye to the babysitter.

- [Growling]

- Note to self: buy butt-flavored dog food.

- Well, I hope you boys learned your lesson.

- We sure did, wanda.

Poof and I will never watch [span]sleazy and cheezy[/span]again.

- [Groaning]

A tv!

I did it!

- Hey, kids,

It's time for the [span]punchie and munchie[/span]show.

Smack! Chomp!

Smack! Chomp!

- Oh, no.

You are not watching that.

- Aw.

Smack! Chomp!

Smack! Chomp!

[Engine roaring]

- Hey, kenny g.'S got my b.l.t. And the suv.

- Get him.

[Whistle blows]

Smash!

- This show is fun for the whole family.

[Bell rings]

- Good news, class.

I finished grading your tests,

And according to my f-tracker,

Timmy turner just got his ,th "f."

[All cheer]

Trixie, tell him what he's won.

- Can I get a spotlight or something?

- Just read the card.

- Well, timmy, you've won an all-expense-paid stay

At crocker's m*llitary academy for one.

- Right you are, trixie.

At captain crocker's m*llitary academy,

You'll finally learn to...

Shape up!

Your day starts at : a.m. With basic training.

As illustrated here by major mother,

You'll do , push-ups,

Run a grueling obstacle course,

Then practice hand-to-hand combat

With a grizzly bear.

- How's that gonna help me get better grades?

- Don't sass me, soldier!

Besides, it's all just a ruse

So I can get you alone and capture your

Fairy godparents!

- I heard that.

- All I need are your parents' signatures

On this permission slip,

And I'll be at your house at hours to get them.

- You're wasting your time.

My mom and dad would never put me

In your stupid m*llitary school.

- Hooray!

Timmy's going to m*llitary school.

- What? You guys can't be serious.

- Sure, we are.

m*llitary school will be great for you, son.

You'll learn stuff like rules and discipline and--

- We can finally rent out your room.

- He-why-hup!

Nailed it!

- But you guys can't sign that permission slip!

Both: why not?

- Because... You're out of pencils.

- No problem.

[Glass shatters]

- This definitely is a problem.

Cosmo? Wanda?

[Screams]

What the--

- Timmy, duck!

- [Screams]

- [Screams]

- What the heck's going on?

Why is my room a b*ttlefield?

- It's poof.

We can't get him to take his nap,

And he's turned into a sleep-deprived

World w*r ii fighter plane.

- [Screams]

- But, guys, my parents are about to sign me away

To crocker's m*llitary academy.

I need your magic now.

[Whistling noise]

- Ah! Diaper in the hole.

I'll save us.

Squish! Yuck.

Kaboom!

Bad idea.

- Sorry, sport,

We can't help you till we get poof down.

I'm whipping up a magic baby formula

That's guaranteed to put him to sleep.

Oh, let's see:

Boring elevator music,

A guide to the dewey decimal system,

And a six-hour documentary on the history of yarn.

There.

That should put anyone to sleep.

[Doorbell rings]

- Oh, no! Crocker's here.

- Mr. Crocker,

Please come in.

- That's captain crocker!

Now, just sign here, and those fairies--

I mean, timmy's successful future is in the bag.

Both: why not?

- Oh, my gosh, they signed it!

- [Gasps] oh, my gosh.

I'm really gonna miss our little girl.

- Me too.

Hey, how about a glass of lemonade

To celebrate our new spare room?

- Actually, I need to use the latrine.

It was a bumpy ride in the fairy-catching van--

I mean, official m*llitary vehicle.

That's right.

Both: to m*llitary school!

- Guys, my parents just signed crocker's permission slip.

Thud! Thud!

- Roar!

[Blasting noises]

[Growling]

[Horn honks]

Crash! Roar!

- Whoa, I never realized my room was so big.

- I'll draw his fire!

Bad idea.

- Here's the formula, poof.

Bottoms up.

Clink!

[Both gulping]

- Mm.

Tangy, with a hint of yarn documentary.

[Both moan]

[Lasers zinging]

- Guys, my mom and dad drank the formula and fell asleep.

I wish they'd wake up and tell crocker

They've changed their minds about m*llitary school.

[Both scream] - hey!

- [Roars]

- Poof, give those back right now.

Smack! Both: oh!

Crash!

- Oh, sorry, timmy,

We can't help you without our wands.

- Then I'll have to handle this some other way.

Wanda, come with me.

- Whoa!

- Cosmo, come with me. - [Screaming]

- Cosmo, without magic, there's only one thing to do.

- Turn your parents into puppets

To trick crocker into giving back that permission slip?

- Well, I was gonna lock mr. Crocker

In the basement for life,

But let's go with your plan.

[Flushing noise]

- Ah, thanks for letting me use the bathroom.

F.y.i., You might want to light a scented candle in there.

Well, I'll take your son and his fairies now

And be on my way.

- Wait, captain crocker.

We've changed our minds

About sending timmy to m*llitary school.

And we'd like our permission slip back.

- Well, as they say in the army,

Tough turkeys!

You already signed it.

[Both panting]

Smack! Ow!

[Giggles]

Smack! Ow!

[Giggles] stop that!

Ow!

Thanks for the super wedgie.

Now hand over the boy.

- We can't let him leave

Till we get that permission slip.

- Right.

Wait, captain crocker.

We insist you stay for dinner.

We're having, um...

Cereal, salt,

And baby corn.

- Hmm.

Well, I do like baby corn.

I'll eat anything that hasn't had a chance to grow up.

- Great.

Take a seat.

Thud! - Hey!

- Why don't you get us dinner, dear?

- Okay, just give me a second to fix my woman face.

[Hums]

♪ Dee la-lee-la

Oh, I'm gorgeous.

Be right back.

To the kitchen!

Thud!

- [Growling]

[Plane engine drones]

- Okay, poof,

Drink your sleepy-time formula for mommy.

[Squirting noise] - ugh!

Smack!

- Mayday! Mayday!

Slap!

- Dinner's ready!

Thud!

Splat!

- [Screams] hot baby corn!

- Sorry, the missus can be a little clumsy.

Let me throw your pants in the washer.

- A good soldier's always prepared.

And I'll take that permission slip, thank you.

Now, if you'll kindly tell timmy

To jump into this burlap sack, I'll be on my way.

- Wait, mr. Crocker!

Before you go, let's tango.

- Ee.

[Lively music starts]

♪

[Grunting]

♪

Ha-ha!

[Grunts]

Slap!

- Oh! The slap tango.

Mother and I haven't done that in years.

♪

Slap! Oh!

Slap! Oh!

- [Grunts]

♪

Smash!

- [Screams]

- I had no idea you were such a good dancer.

- [Screams]

Boys, I need your help with poof.

- We can't just leave crocker with mom and dad.

He'll figure out they're asleep and leave.

- Give me that.

Mr. Crocker, why don't you tell us all about yourself?

We're really interested.

- Interested in me?

Oh, that's a first.

Well, okay.

- There. That'll keep him busy.

Now, come on!

- I was born on may th,

A day my own mother refers to as black friday.

- Whoa. My room is huge.

And it's tokyo?

[All scream]

- Roar!

- What's happening to poof?

- Oh, he keeps growing into bigger monsters.

If he doesn't take a nap soon, he'll explode.

- They blow up so fast.

- And that's when they kicked me out of the ninja academy.

- Roar!

- We've got to get this bottle in poof's mouth.

- Which one?

I love talking out of sync.

- It was then I knew

I would never be a great ballerina.

- Setting target for middle mouth.

- Roar!

Beep!

- Ten,

Beep! Nine,

Beep! Eight--

- [Giggles]

I thought about being a cat burglar,

But what am I gonna do with a bunch of cats?

- Five, four,

Three--

- And that's why I can never, ever,

Ever go back to cincinnati.

- June, pistachio, flag day, zero.

Beep!

Kaboom!

- Roar!

Thump!

[Sucking noise]

- Thank you for saving our city,

Which mysteriously appeared in your bedroom.

- Now to get that permission slip.

- Turners, thank you for letting me open up to you.

Reexamining my life has made me realize

I don't need a m*llitary academy

Just so I can capture timmy's fairies--

I mean, mold him into a man.

In fact, I'm going to rip up this permission slip

In front of your unblinking eyes.

From now on, I'm going to do

Something meaningful with my life.

I'll be the greatest ninja ballerina cat burglar

The world has ever known.

That'll show those rubes in cincinnati.

Let's celebrate the new me with a glass of lemonade.

[Gulping]

Mm.

Tangy, with a hint of yarn documentary.

[Groans]

- Time to get rid of mr. Crocker.

- That's funny.

All the excitement over timmy leaving

Must have made me tie strings to our hands and feet.

- And pass out.

Oh, mr. Crocker,

Why'd you tear up the permission slip?

- Because I changed my mind about m*llitary school.

Timmy's a great kid.

You should let him play lots of video games

And eat more candy. Fairy godparents!

Good night.

- That was weird.

- It sure was.

Ooh, lemonade.

[Both gulping]

[Both snoring]

Thud!

Thud!

- Where's that bus going?

- [Screams] not cincinnati!