07x07 - Dadbra-Cadabra/Timmy Turnip

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ Timmy is an average kid

♪ That no one understands

♪ Mom and dad and vicky always giving him commands ♪

- Bed, twerp!

- ♪ The doom and gloom up in his room ♪

♪ Is broken instantly

♪ By his magic little fish who grant his every wish ♪

♪ 'Cause in reality

♪ They are his oddparents

♪ Fairly oddparents

- Wands and wings.

- Float-y crown-y things.

- ♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ Really mod, pea pod, buff bod, hot rod ♪

- Obtuse, rubber goose, green moose, guava juice,

Giant snake, birthday cake, large fries, chocolate shake!

- ♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ It flips your lid when you are the kid ♪

♪ With fairly oddparents

- Yeah, right.

[People cheering and applauding]

- Ladies and gentlemen,

I can't tell you what a thrill it is

To be hosting parent talent night.

And that's because it isn't a thrill!

I've wasted my life!

Anyway, please give a lukewarm welcome

To timmy turner's dad and his stupid magic hat.

- Oh, no! Not my dad.

Every year, he totally humiliates me

With the same lame magic act.

- I'll make you proud, timmy.

Squeak!

- [Screams]

[Rope squeaking]

[Laughter]

- Thank you.

And now for my next trick...

- Wait a minute.

I just had an idea.

- Really? What's that like?

- My dad doesn't need magic; I have magic.

Guys, I wish my dad's magic hat would finally work.

- Oh, I don't know, sport.

Magic can be dangerous in the wrong hands.

- I'm living proof of that.

Done!

- I will now pull something that's probably not a rabbit

Out of my hat.

[Musical flourish]

Hey, how'd that happen?

I mean, ta-da!

[Cheers and applause]

Oh, it works!

Let me try that again.

And again.

And again.

Man, I'm good!

- Here we go. Put me back!

- Hey, this one talks.

[Crowd cheering]

And last but not least...

- Ha-ha!

- There's only one way

Someone who was so previously lame

Could do such fantastic feats of magic.

Turner's dad is obviously a...

Fairy!

Okay, I'm canceling the rest of the show

And declaring timmy's dad the winner.

Now, where did I put that trophy?

- You mean this trophy?

[Cheers and applause]

- I've spent my life trying to prove the existence of...

Fairies!

And all I have to show for it

Is this photo of a fairy fanny and the scorn of my peers.

But now I have something better:

Turner's [span]fairy[/span]dad.

He's all the proof I need.

- I'm guessing you were a lonely child.

- Is it that obvious?

I mean--

[Cackling]

- Your magic act was awesome, dad.

- Thanks to you, dear,

Timmy is the most popular boy in school.

[Glass shattering and girls screaming]

- Oh, watch your fingers, kids;

Mrs. Turner has a hammer.

- Ow! - Ow! - Ow!

- To celebrate your big success,

I'll cook your favorite dinner, dear,

Whatever that is.

- How about steak?

- [Growls]

- [Screams]

- I think you mean "ole."

[Screams]

- Thanks for giving my dad the magic hat, guys.

- I don't know, sport.

I still say this is a bad idea.

- Oh, please, wanda.

What could possibly go wrong?

[Doorbell chimes]

- Hello.

I'm big-time hollywood agent denzel dicaprio.

And this is my assistant, bucky.

- I can talk.

- No one cares!

You must be the renowned magician

The astounding timmy's dad.

- Ooh, no, it's the amazing timmy's dad,

Familiar-looking stranger.

- Dad, that's mr. Crocker.

- Nonsense, son.

This man is denzel dicaprio,

"Big-time hollywood agent and not a fifth-grade teacher."

What can I do for you, mr. Dicarpet odor?

I mean, besides amaze you.

[Musical flourish]

- It's what I can do for you: make you rich and famous.

I've arranged a tour where you'll perform your magic

Before adoring crowds all across the nation.

- Ooh, great!

Can my family go too?

- Hold it, dad.

Mr. Crocker, I don't know what you're up to,

But we're not going anywhere with you.

- Kids on magic tours don't have to go to school.

- We're in!

[Upbeat music]

♪

[Kids cheering]

[Crowd cheering]

[Cheers and applause]

[Cell phone rings]

- Denzel dicaprio's office.

Bucky the speaking rabbit speaking.

- Give me that!

Dicaprio speaking.

Yes, I represent the amazing timmy's dad.

What's that? You want to put him on national television?

Well, what can I say but... Peachy keen!

You hear that, bucky?

My plan is working like a charm.

Tomorrow night, I'll expose timmy's dad as a [span]fairy[/span]

To the world.

And then everyone will finally know that...

I'm not crazy!

- You're talking to a rabbit.

- What's your point, weirdo?

This is it, timmy's dad: national tv, the big-time.

Soon everyone will know the name the amazing timmy's dad.

- Yay!

But I'm not the amazing timmy's dad anymore.

I'm dadbracadabra,

Brain freak!

[Eerie rock music]

- Whoo!

- Dadbracadabra!

And for my first trick,

I'm going to learn to walk in these super-tight jeans.

- Yes, you do that.

In the meantime, I'll be on the stage,

Setting up the cameras that will expose you as a fairy!

I mean, to a wider audience.

- Ooh, guys, isn't it exciting?

Mr. Dicapriodor is going to make me rich and famous.

- And I'll be able to hire someone

To lug this heavy trunk full of rabbits.

cr*ck!

And fix my spine.

- So what are you going to pull out of your hat on tv, dad?

- Oh, no hat tricks, timmy.

I'm going to take it up a notch

By performing a death-defying escape act.

Check it!

I step inside this trunk, which will be chained shut

By my new assistant, the amazing timmy's mom.

- You mean mamagician!

- The trunk will then move down a conveyor belt

Into a bunch of super-scary, razor-sharp saws.

And right before I get chopped into tiny pieces,

I will magically escape and say:

Ta-da!

I'm on my way, mr. Dicaffeinated!

- Sport, don't you think

Your dad's getting a little carried away?

That trick sounds awfully dangerous.

- So what? He's got magic now.

And I've got a tv, video games, and no school.

- Timmy, all we gave him is a magic hat.

That's not going to help him survive

Some death-defying escape trick.

- Well, that's easy to fix.

I wish my dad had the power

To do his death-defying escape trick.

- Consider your dad safe.

- Ladies and gentlemen--

- And rabbits.

- I now present dadbracadabra.

[Musical flourish]

[Saws whirring]

- Sweetie, you have life insurance, right?

- Yeah.

- Okey dokey.

[Dramatic music]

- As soon as turner's dad finishes his stupid trick,

You will ride out on your unicycle

And tear off his shirt.

Then everyone will see his [span]fairy wings[/span]

And know that I've been right all along

About the existence of...

Fairies!

- Not to mention talking rabbits.

- Oh, let it go!

Now, shut your rabbit hole and wait for your cue.

- So that's what mr. Crocker's been up to.

He thinks my dad is a fairy.

Ha! How stupid is that?

- Ha ha, yeah.

Well, actually, timmy...

- Cosmo, what did you do?

- Well, it was one minute ago.

Timmy wished his dad had the power to escape that trick,

So I gave him the full fairy package:

Unlimited magic, the ability to fly,

A supreme intellect, and, of course...

- No, don't say it.

- Fairy wings!

Together: cosmo!

- What's the big deal?

I'll just change him back.

- No!

If you take away dad's powers, he'll be cut to pieces.

But if you don't,

Crocker will show everyone my dad has fairy wings.

- And government scientists will cut your dad to pieces.

Boy, timmy, you really messed up this time.

[Saws whirring]

[Teeth chattering]

[Eyebrows chattering]

- There's only one solution.

- [Screams]

- Eh.

- Brain freak!

[Cheers and applause]

- Time for some payback.

I wish my dad wasn't a fairy anymore

And mr. Crocker was.

- Aha!

Ye--wha--huh--wha?

Where are the fairy wings?

What the--

[Screams]

- Look, everyone.

Mr. Dicaprio's a fairy.

- What? No, I'm not.

Oh, no!

There's only one explanation for this.

[Span]fairies[/span]have turned me into a [span]fairy![/Span]

- Look, he really is a fairy.

- And he needs to work out.

- You try joining a gym on a teacher's salary.

- Let's make him grant our wishes!

- Let's stuff him in a sack

And sell him to government scientists!

- Let's make him put his shirt back on.

- [Screams]

[Crowd cheering]

- That was amazing, dad.

I'm so proud of you.

But I guess you'll be going on the road permanently now.

- Oh, no, timmy.

I'm done with magic.

All I wanted was for you to be proud of me.

Besides, these super-tight jeans cut off the blood to my brain.

- Oh, joy.

Being a fairy is the best thing ever.

I can fly.

I'm magic!

Nothing can hurt me now.

- I almost forgot.

I wish mr. Crocker wasn't a fairy anymore.

- [Screaming]

- Honey!

Mr. Dicappuccino is in our garbage!

- Mom, dad!

I'm home from--whoa!

- Ustinky!

Happy yaksgiving, timmy.

- Yaks-what-ing?

- Yaksgiving.

It's a traditional holiday

In your grandparents' native country of ustinkestan,

Which is why I'm making rack of yak...

That is, if your father ever catches it.

[Yak roars]

- Maybe I should dress up like a girl yak.

- [Sniffing] I don't get it.

Why are we celebrating some weird holiday?

- Didn't we tell you the good news?

Your grandpa vlad and grandma gladys vladislapoff

Are coming to celebrate it with us.

- And they don't like me.

Wait, that's actually bad news.

- I haven't seen grandma gladys and grandpa vlad in forever.

I don't even remember what they look like.

- Here's a picture of them after they left ustinkestan

Years ago.

They're standing in front

Of the fast-food restaurant they opened in dimmsdale.

- Yak in the box?

What kind of weirdo would eat at a place like that?

- Uh, I'll have a yakky meal with a side of weasel fries.

And don't forget my yaktion figure.

- Steady, bessie.

- Oh, why, it's the pitter-patter of goat hooves.

That must mean your grandparents are here.

- This is awesome.

Grandparents always bring the coolest presents.

[Yak bleats]

- Happy yaksgiving, my little timmy.

Ustinky!

- Why'd you slap me with a herring?

- Yaksgiving custom.

On yaksmas, we slap you with a mackerel.

- We brought you special present.

- Oh, yeah! Lay it on me.

A turnip?

I was kind of expecting a toy or cash, maybe?

- Beloved daughter,

We brought you bigger turnip.

- Vee also brought something for you,

Son-in-law we don't like.

- Really? Thanks!

Ah! A sack of weasels.

[Yells]

I think your parents are finally warming up to me.

- Oh, timmy?

Take those heavy steamer trunks up to your room.

- Grandma and grandpa are staying with me?

- Of course, silly.

We're not letting that goat sleep in our room.

- Come, timmy.

It is time to celebrate the six days of yaksgiving.

- Six days?

- ♪ On the first day of yaksgiving ♪

♪ We make yaksgiving soup

- [Slurping]

Mmm, fish soup. So delicious.

- Cosmo, you're eating us.

- Oh, no! I give me gas.

[Farts]

- ♪ On the second day of yaksgiving ♪

♪ We shave yaksgiving backs

[Razor buzzing]

- Ah!

- ♪ On the third day of yaksgiving ♪

♪ We drop yaksgiving yak

[Yak bellows]

- ♪ On the fourth day of yaksgiving ♪

♪ We drop another yak

- [Panting]

[Sighs with relief]

[Yak bellows]

- ♪ On the fifth day of yaksgiving ♪

♪ We have a yak att*ck

- Wait, did the choir just say, "yak att*ck"?

- ♪ We did

♪ On the sixth day of yaksgiving ♪

♪ We had yaksgiving feast

- A feast? Thank you, choir!

I haven't eaten in six days.

- Vell, then, you're in for a treat.

There is a salad of thorny twigs and mayonnaise,

Piping-hot goat meal, pickled weasel feet,

And, of course, stick bugs on a stick made of stick bugs.

- [Screaming]

- [Goat bleats]

- Grandson has escaped!

Release the bloodhounds!

[Dogs barking]

- Ah!

[Goat bleats]

[Dogs bellowing]

Ah! I can't take it anymore!

I wish my grandparents

Had never come to america in the first place.

- Are you sure, sport?

A wish like that could change more things than you think.

- I'm positive.

I wish grandpa vlad and grandma gladys

Never left ustinkestan!

[Sniffing]

[All whine sadly]

Where am i,

And why is everything so bleak and barren?

- Ustinky!

What you are talking about?

You are home, in bleak and barren ustinkestan.

- Well, we are off to bleak and barren turnip mines.

- Look; your parents left me a present.

Ah! A sack of weasels!

- What the heck is going on around here?

- Well, since you wished

Your grandparents never went to america,

You were born and grew up here, in ustinkestan.

- Well, that explains what happened to me.

What the heck happened to you?

- This is what fairy godparents look like in ustinkestan.

Yay, turnips!

- Aw, this isn't what I wanted.

Well, whatever.

I've still got magic fairy godparents,

So I'll just turn everything back to normal.

I wish my grandparents [span]had[/span]gone to america years ago.

Turnips?

- Sorry.

Ustinkestan fairies can only grant wishes involving turnips.

- Yay, more turnips!

I was worried we'd run out.

[Thunder rumbles]

- Ah, it's raining.

Let's go inside.

- Sorry, timmy.

This is ustinkestan.

Inside hasn't been invented yet.

- Well, good night.

See you in months.

- Months?

- Well, that's how long the nights last here.

- Yay, months of night!

This place rocks!

[Wolves howling]

- What's that?

- Those are the werewolves.

- Yay, werewolves!

This place rocks!

Don't worry; they only hunt at night.

- Curse you, werewolves.

- Aw, man.

I can't believe my grandparents loved this place.

- [Sobbing]

I hate this place!

- Hey, grandpa vlad.

Are you okay?

- I'm fine...

For a man who lives in constant regret

And abject misery.

- Hey, that's your yak in the box restaurant.

You carved it out of a turnip.

- Years ago today,

My dream was to open restaurant in america.

- Vee were going to get on last boat ever

To sail to united states:

- But then, as if by magic spell from selfish bucktooth boy,

Vee didn't!

[Sobbing]

- Guys, I totally ruined my grandpa's dream.

- Yay, selfish bucktooth boy rocks!

- No, selfish bucktooth boy doesn't rock.

You guys got to help me turn back time

So I can get him on the [span]soggy turnip[/span]

And let the world enjoy his yak burgers.

- Sorry, sport.

We can only grant turnip wishes, remember?

- Then I wish for a turnip time machine.

[Loud rumbling]

Here we go.

Back to years ago today.

[Electricity crackling]

[Screaming]

[All screaming]

Oh, no.

The time machine didn't work.

- Yes, it did.

You're now years in the past.

Not much changes here in ustinkestan.

Look, here come your younger grandparents.

- Vlad, your yak burgers are delicious.

- Sadly, people in ustinkestan don't appreciate them.

If only I could sell these in america,

Where people love the taste of yak.

- And the streets are paved with turnips.

- Grandma, grandpa!

I mean, people I've never met before!

You [span]can[/span]go to america.

All you have to do is get on that boat.

[Ship horn blares]

- He must be escaped mental patient.

Quick, hit him with a rock.

- Look, you made this.

If you don't get on that boat,

You'll never realize your dream of serving americans

Cheap and convenient fast-food yak.

- The mentally deranged boy is right.

Come, gladys.

Vee must get on [span]soggy turnip.[/Span]

- All aboard the [span]soggy turnip![/Span]

[Horn blares]

- Oh, no, we're too late.

- I guess it's back to the turnip mines.

- Guys, I wish I had a turnip jet ski.

[Horn honks]

[Upbeat rock music]

♪

[Ship horn blares]

- They're going to america.

And that means everything should go back

To the way it was before.

Awesome, I'm back home,

In a place where there are no werewolves.

- Well, if you want to believe that...

- Timmy, yaksgiving is over.

We have come to say good-bye.

- Yes, is time for us to return to normal lives.

- [Without accent] how's our stock?

- Up six points. We just made another million.

- Wait a minute.

You guys are rich and modern?

And rich?

- Oh, yes.

Yak in the box is a national fast-food chain.

You're a good kid, timmy.

You know, you remind me of an escaped mental patient

Who once helped me realize my dream.

- Good-bye, beloved daughter.

Ustinky.

- And good-bye, son-in-law we still don't like.

- I love you too.

[Horn honks]

- You know, I can't believe I'm saying this,

But I'm really going to miss those guys.

- Well, sport, you can visit them any time.

- We'll take three yak burgers with weasel fries

And chocolate turnip milk shakes.

- And don't forget your yaktion figure.

[Yak bleats]

- Hey, where's my food?

Gah! It's a sack of badgers!

They finally love me!

[Badgers snarling]