01x03 - Dinner Party

[bunniefuu]

- And that's how you get
a private bathroom.

Uh,
what are you guys looking at?

- Don't tell him, cherry.

- We're staring at Cole Campbell
until Phoebe can build up

the courage to ask him out.

Don't tell him what?

- Go ahead, Max.

Make fun of me.
Mock my little schoolgirl crush.

- I'm not gonna make fun of you.

- You're not?
- Yes, I am.

"he's so dreamy.

"I want to marry him.

His hair smells like cupcakes!"

- Come on,
like you've never had a crush?

- No way.

You will never see me acting
that way

over some stupid guhhhh...

- Hey, Romeo,
you dropped your tongue.

- Uh, that's different.

She's my dark empress
of the night,

a muse to stand by my side
when I become a supervillain.

Uhh, on Halloween.

Gotta go.

- Cole's about to leave.
Now's your chance.

- But I'm nervous,
and when I'm nervous,

I turn into a motormouth.

- Oh, that's too bad,
'cause here he comes.

- Hey, Phoebe.

- Hey, Cole, how are you?

"how are you?"
what a cliche.

Obviously, you're fine.
Oh, unless you're not.

I mean, for all I know,
you might have carpal tunnel

or gout
or restless leg syndrome--

- Um...

So I was wondering
if you wanted to meet

for frozen yogurt sometime?

- [gasps]

- You do?

Oh, good.

One small thing:
My parents have this dumb rule

that they have to meet all my
other friends' parents.

You think they could meet yours?

Okay, well...

When?

- Ow...About tomorrow?

Maybe after dinner, or you can
have dinner with us.

Your parents eat dinner, right?
Stupid question.

Of course they eat dinner.

Does your family like croutons
in their salad,

'cause some people do,
and other people don't, and--

- Okay, Phoebe.

We have to get to class now.

- Why did you do that?

- You'll thank me later.

- Guhhh...

- You'll also thank me later.

[upbeat music]

- ♪ What you see
is not what you get ♪

♪ Living our lives
with a secret ♪

♪ We fit right in,
bet you'd never guess ♪

♪ 'cause we're living our lives
just like all the rest ♪

♪ A picture perfect family
is what we try to be ♪

♪ Look closer,
you might see ♪

♪ The crazy things we do ♪

♪ This isn't make believe,
it's our reality ♪

♪ Just your average family ♪

♪ Trying to be normal
and stay out of trouble ♪

♪ Living a double life ♪

- Hit the turbo.
Hit the turbo.

Hit the turbo!

- You guys will never guess
what happened today.

- An asteroid was heading
toward school,

and you single-handedly
stopped it with your powers?

- And then melted it into
a puddle with your heat breath?

- No, a boy asked me out.

- Yeah, we're done here.

- What he said,
but with more disappointment.

- A boy, huh?

I think your mother and I
agree you're a little young

to be dating.

- Is it Cole Campbell?

- Uh-huh.

- That is so exciting.

- I know.

Oh, also, his entire family
is coming here

for dinner tomorrow night.

'Kay, bye.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

You invited a family
of nonsuperheroes to our house?

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

No non-supes in the house
is dad's number one rule.

You lift that,
and next thing you know,

the house'll be full
of Phoebe's giggle buddies

yappin' about nonsense.

"I like boys.

"I like dancing.

Let's go to horse camp."

- Come on, like you're not gonna
want to have

any of your friends
from school over?

Not one?

- No, because when non-supes
are over, I can't do this.

- Mom.
- Hank.

- Max.
- Sorry.

- C'Mon, dad.

Cole's parents just want to know
I come from a good family.

- Sure, bring 'em over.

Billy can super-speed
around the ceiling

while Nora zaps laser beams
at him with her eyeballs.

- So you're good with it.

- Honey, we moved to hiddenville
to be a normal family.

That means keeping our powers
a secret.

You're going to have to cancel
the dinner.

- Yes,
classic Hank.

Up top.

- How are we supposed to have
normal lives here

if we can never have anyone
in the house?

But don't worry.

I probably won't cry at all.

- Wait.

Maybe we can make an exception
this once.

- Barb...
- Yeah, Barb...

- We're both gonna be here,
Hank.

And the kids
will behave themselves.

- Please, dad?

- Well...

Okay.

- Thanks, dad.
Up top.

- I don't even know you
anymore.

- That kid took your lunch.

- Dark empress strikes again.

- Sorry.

- Don't be.

I'm a big fan of your work.

I don't suppose you'd want to
grab lunch.

- Too late.

I already grabbed yours.

- If you like that, you'll love
turkey wrap Tuesdays.

- Pheebs,
we have an emergency.

- You forgot your password
again?

It's your birthday.

- It's my birthday?

Oh, oh, no,
that's my password.

Okay.

I was doing some research
online,

and look what I found.

- Photos from Cole's
family vacation?

- Yeah, that's not a hotel.

It's their house.

And that's their pool.

Oh,
and those are their polo ponies.

- Is he feeding that horse
money?

- If I were you,
I would be very nervous.

- What are you saying,

that my family's
not classy enough for theirs?

- His parents are on the cover
of this month's

Snob and Country.

- I have to go home now.

Wrong locker.

- Thank you.

- Two hours till dinner.

Is everybody almost ready?

- Why else would I be getting
all pretty?

Now, if I could just nail
this bunion...

- Time for my monkey drink.

- Phoebe, think fast.

Dad, think fast.

- My monkey drink.

I guess they don't make pants
like they used to.

- They don't make you
like they used to.

- Who wants a snack?

- Oh, yeah, baby.
- Pizza tots.

- Hot! Hot! Hot!

- Okay, stop, stop, stop it,
stop.

- Something wrong?

- Yes, your pants are ripped,
mom's got a moustache,

and you're all spitting up
pizza tots.

What do you think Cole's family
is going to think?

- Honey, they're just people.

- No, mom, they're not.

They wear fancy clothes
and have polo ponies,

and they don't drink
monkey drinks.

- Well, what are we,
a bunch of slobs?

- Look, I'm just asking you
to show the Campbells

that we can be as fancy
as they are

so they'll let me hang out
with Cole.

Please?

- Okay, sweetheart.

We know how important tonight is
for you.

- Yeah, and who knows when
she'll get asked out again.

- Don't worry, Phoebe.

We're going to make
tonight's dinner a huge success.

- You are going to make
this dinner a huge failure.

- I have to.

If this dinner goes well,

dad'll lift
the no non-supes rule,

and I won't be able to do
my thing.

- Your dancing?

- No, my superpowers...

And occasionally the dancing.

- So what do you got planned?

'cause ol' Dr. Colosso
can help ya.

You know, back in the day--

- I know, before my dad
turned you into a bunny,

you were the world's
biggest supervillain.

- I'm still big, kid.

It's just my poops
that got small.

- Let me tell you
what's gonna happen.

There's gonna be a beekeeper
that's gonna release

a swarm of bees,

then I got burping pills
in the iced tea,

some industrial-strength
hot sauce in the soup,

and six scorpions,
because hey,

who doesn't like scorpions?

- [sobbing]

- Are you crying?

- I'm just so proud of you.

Don't look at me.

- Everything to your liking,
madam?

- Explain.

- You said this family
was fancy.

Well, what's fancier than having
a butler?

- They won't believe we have
a ten-year-old butler.

- They will once they meet
the eight-year-old chef.

- William, quit chatting
with lady Phoebe.

Now, get back in the kitchen
and polish those breadsticks.

It's so hard to find good help.

[alarm beeping]

- Alert.
Alert.

Non-supe approaching.

- Mom, dad, they're here!

- And so are we.

- What are you wearing?

- You said to dress nicely.

- We wore this to
a fancy nightclub once,

and within seconds, everyone
cleared the dance floor for us.

- Huh?

- Huh? Huh?

- That's because
they were frightened.

- Honey,
do you want us to change?

- It's too late now.
They're here.

Is everybody ready?

- Yeah, what are you
waiting for?

Let 'em in.

- [exhales]

Hi, Cole.

- Hey, Phoebe.

These are my parents,
Gerald and Fiona Campbell.

- Of the park Avenue Campbells.

- Hello, my dear.

- And these are my parents,
Hank and Barb thunderman.

- Of the Marvin gardens
thundermans.

Greetings and salutations.

- Delicious to make
your acquaintances.

BOTH: Mwah! Mwah!

- Oh! Oh!

- Oh, this is gonna be bad.

- Oh, this is gonna be good.

- And this is Cole's
older sister, Tara.

- I did not see that coming.

- Come. Come in.
Welcome to our home.

We have ten of them, you know.

- , actually.

But the one in Hawaii

is just to store paintings
and expensive fruit.

- So you, uh,
steal any sandwiches lately?

- Hey, it's you.

This night just went from lame
to slightly less lame.

- Really?

But what would you think
if someone sabotaged this dinner

in rude, disgusting,
scorpion-related ways?

- I'd want to hang
with that guy.

But my parents
would never let me.

So it's probably the dumbest
thing you could ever do.

- Phoebe, I think I just did
the dumbest thing

I could ever do.

- Whatever did we do
before spray cheese?

- Thundermans, you say?

Any relation to the eminent
superhero thunderman?

- [coughs]

- He's joking, of course.

You look
nothing like...

Well, you're aware of what
you look like.

[laughter]

- It's not that funny.

- I am so sorry.

- For what?
- Everything.

- Excuse us.

Phoebe, we have a problem.

- Besides that?

- Oops, large money bills

are falling out of my pockets.

- It's worse than that.

I sabotaged your dinner.

- Don't worry about--
wait, you what?

- See, I figured if dinner
was a disaster,

then dad wouldn't lift
the no non-supes rule, so...

It's gonna be a disaster.

- When? Where? How?

- Well, for starters...

[gasps]
Beekeeper.

Hey, here's bucks.

Buzz off.

- And over here,
we have books.

[bell ringing]

- Attention, please.

Dinner will be served
in five minutes.

- William, I say when dinner
will be served!

Dinner will be served
in five minutes.

Get back in there!

- You use your children
as the help?

- Oh, those aren't our children.

They're our tiny servants.

- Really?
- Oh, yes.

Tiny servants are all the rage
this season.

- They take up much less space.

Our William sleeps
in a cello case.

- We have got to get
one of those.

- I didn't know your family
was so...Fancy.

- Yeah,
I just found that out myself.

- Shall we adjourn
to the formal dining room?

Here we are.

- I know how you feel.

My parents embarrass me
all the time.

- They do?
- Totally.

But I get a feeling that
they're gonna let us hang out.

Oh, unless something goes
horribly wrong.

- 'scuse us.

Things are about to go
horribly wrong.

- You've got to stop doing that.

Cole and I are totally
hitting it off.

- Yeah, and my dark empress said
she wants to hang, Phoebe.

She wants to hang!

- We gotta shut down
your stupid plans.

What were they?

- Well, the next one was...

- Iced tea is served.

- That one.

- Iced tea with no lemon.
You are evil.

- So I said
to the prime minister,

"that's not my hat.

That's my..."

[belches]

pardonez-moi.

- Good gracious, dear.

- My word.

[belches]

- Good show, old sport.

[belching]

- What has gotten into you all?

[belches]

- That was a juicy one,
Mrs. C.

- Okay, tea time's over.

- How's the soup?

- Hmm,
needs more soup.

- Okay,
what else do we need to stop?

- Uh...
Oh, the scorpions.

BOTH: Scorpions?

- Ugh,
I'll keep them distracted,

and you two go round up
the scorpions.

And no using powers,
or dad won't lift the rule.

Go.
Go, go, go, go, go.

- " gallon of hot sauce?"

eh,
what do I know about soup?

[humming]

- And that's why you never bring
a donkey on a yacht.

- I'm back.

So, uh, Cole,
why don't you tell everyone

how you made the winning shot
at the basketball game?

- No,
I don't want to bore everyone.

- Three, two, one...

- So I'm at half-court

with seven seconds left
on the clock...

- Oh, gross.

- Why is that gross?

- Uh...

"gross" is the new "awesome."

sorry.
go on.

- Well, I get the ball
and decide to go for

a three-pointer--

- Oh, that's disgusting.

- It is?

- Yeah,
"disgusting" is the new "gross."

continue.

- Well, it went in
right at the buzzer, and we won.

Totally disgusting.

- Mrs. Campbell, did you know
that our butler William here

is also a very sought-after
hair stylist?

- Really?

What would you do for my hair?

- I would start whacking it
really hard, like this.

- Ehh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
Good heavens.

Mad tiny servant!

- That will be $.

- Soup is served.

- Oh, good, I'm starved.

- Nora, please don't tell me
you put hot sauce in the soup.

- It's more like there's soup
in the hot sauce.

- Don't eat the soup.

Because it's...

A smelling soup.

- A smelling soup?

- Yeah, you just smell it,
like they do in, uh...

Sweden.
- France.

- Sweden.
- France.

- Nonsense.

Let's have a taste.

- Ahh!

- Sweet mother of minestrone!

- Ahh!

- Oh, that's worse.

- That is it.

I have had just about enough.

It has been nothing
but mischief and shenanigans

since we arrived.

Come, Campbells.

- Wait, don't leave.

I have a confession to make.

We're not really like this.

I asked my family
to impress you guys

so you'd let Cole hang out
with me.

We don't really have a yacht
or tiny servants,

and my parents don't really have
fancy accents.

- Hi.
- How's it going?

- I mean, maybe we took it
a step too far,

but if you can give us
another chance,

then maybe we can have
a nice dinner,

and you can get to know us
for who we really are.

- Come on, dad.

- Fine.

Our driver won't be here
for another minutes anyway.

But you can forget about
spending any more time

with that girl.

- Excuse me?

- [chuckles]
He can certainly do better

Than this family of hooligans.

- All right, now,
hang on one second.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

What my wife meant to say
was "classless hooligans."

- how about I take you to class?

- Dad, mom--
- Okay...

I think we're all just getting
a little bit hungry, yeah?

Uh, what do you say, pheebs?

- Max, forget it.
It's over.

- I rigged the dinner
to explode.

- Nora,
we're ready for dinner.

- May I present
casserole a LA Nora.

- It's light but really packs
a punch.

You might want to back up
a bit.

- Please, guests first.

- Oh, self-serve.

How expected.

We'll be going now.

- So, uh, next time your place?

- I know.
I messed up.

Guess I'll just
see you around school.

- No way.
This was great.

When can we
get together?

- But what about your parents?

- What are they going to do,

take away my polo club
membership?

- Yes.

- Good.
I hate polo.

I'll call you tomorrow.

Mr. And Mrs. Thunderman,
it was lovely meeting you.

- Oh, indeed.

Ta-ta, young master.

- Mom, you're not rich,
remember?

- I know; I just really like
talking that way.

- So this no non-supes rule...

- It stays?
Good.

Because if I can't have
my dark empress,

I don't want anyone
coming in this house.

- Actually, despite everything
you kids have done,

I'm lifting the rule.

[together]
What? Really? You mean it?

- But tonight went horribly.

That couple hates us.

I let scorpions out everywhere.

Maybe I shouldn't have said
that last part.

- Yeah, but you did,
so guess who's cleaning up.

- But none of you used
your superpowers,

and it was nice finally
seeing you spend time

with non-supe kids.

- It's why we moved here
to hiddenville.

- No.
I will never back down.

Hear this, Thundermans:

the "no non-supes
in the house rule" must stand.

[knock at door]

- Psst, Max.

Call me.

- Stupidest rule ever.