03x03 - Why You Buggin'?

[bunniefuu]

- What's for breakfast?
I've got thunder hunger.

Ooh, oatmeal.

- Uh, no, Max,
that's not--

- Ugh! What is this?

- Walnuts that Chloe
chewed up and spit out.

- Why?

- Because it's fun.
[giggles]

- Just for that,
I'm taking your toast.

[powers zapping]
[laughs]

- CHLOE: [poofs, appears]

Not cool, dude.

[poofs]
- Ha, ha, ha.

That is another good sports
joke and/or reference.

- Who are you talking to?

- I'm practicing
my "sports guy" talk.

Link is coming by with his best
friend Quinn from Metroburg,

and I really wanna
make a good impression.

- Ah, I'm sure you've got
nothin' to worry about.

- Aw, thanks.
- Anyone who likes Link

has very low standards
in friends.

- Chloe!
- [poofing]

[stomps foot]
- Ow!

- Thank you!
- CHLOE: [poofing]

- FEMALE COMPUTER VOICE:
Alert! Alert!

Link and Quinn approaching.
- [doorbell rings]

- Hey, guys...huh?

- Phoebe, this is
my friend Quinn.

- Hi. [laughs]
- Uh...

- Quinn's a girl.

- Yes, I see that.

- ♪

♪ What you see ♪

♪ Is not what you get ♪

♪ Livin' our lives
with a secret ♪

♪ We fit right in ♪

♪ Bet you never guessed ♪

♪ 'Cause we're
livin' our lives ♪

♪ Just like all the rest ♪

♪ A picture
perfect family ♪

♪ Is what we try to be ♪

♪ Look closer,
you might see ♪

♪ The crazy things we do ♪

♪ This isn't
make believe ♪

♪ It's our reality ♪

♪ Just your average family ♪

♪ Trying to be normal
and stay out of trouble ♪

♪ Livin' a double life ♪

- Quinn, it's so nice
to finally meet you.

Can I get you anything
to girl--I mean, drink?

- No, I'm fine.

- Yes, you are.

I'm Max.
- QUINN: [laughs]

- Uh, sorry we're late.

Quinn made us help a family
of ducks cross the road.

- And I'm out.

- It's so cool to meet
your friends, Linky.

- Aw...

I'm sorry, did you
just call him "Linky"?

- Oh, that's Quinn's
nickname for me.

- It's not as good
as your nickname

for me when we were kids.

- BOTH: Quinny-boo-bear!
[laughing]

- What about that cute
nickname you have for me?

- I call you "Phoebe."

- Stop, I'm blushing.

- Excuse me, I have
to call my aunt

and let her know
I got here safely.

- So...

[arm squeaking]

Ta-da!
- [laughing]

- You and I have our six month
anniversary this week.

- Oh, and you have
a best friend who's a girl!

- You know, it's funny.

I never quite think
of Quinn as a girl.

We became best friends

because we were both nice kids
raised by supervillains.

Our parents called themselves
"The Frightening Four."

- Wait a minute, her parents
are Insecto and Beetle Girl?

- Well, yes, but I call
them Mr. and Mrs. Murphy.

- They were the bug freaks

who att*cked the Metroburg
Mango Festival.

- Yeah, they go crazy
around mangoes.

But, luckily, your dad
thought fast

and hosed 'em down
with some hot sauce.

- Well, good thing Thunderman

never goes anywhere
without a t*nk of hot sauce.

- Off to check the mail!

- Well, anyway, Quinn's
not like her parents at all.

No bug powers
and as nice as can be.

- Yeah, she seems great.

- See, that's why
I like you so much.

Not a jealous bone
in your body.

- Not me. All my bones
are perfectly cool.

Ha! That should
be my new nickname--

Coolbones!

- Oh, my goodness.
I am so sorry.

Link, could you
get me a broom?

- It's okay. It's just
a silly little birdhouse.

Let me help you.
- Thanks.

Oh, and by the way...

this birdhouse isn't
the only thing

I'll be breaking
apart while I'm here.

- Excuse me?

- Link and I
belong together...

and the only thing
in our way is you.

- Again--excuse me?

- I've got the broom.

- Oh, Phoebe says
she'll finish up.

Uh, we have to
go, Linky.

My aunt is waiting for me.
- Oh, okay.

Uh, Phoebe, come with us

to Scrunchies' for
ice cream tomorrow?

- Yeah, Phoebe, come with.
[laughs]

- Uh...sure...?

- Great. Great.

See ya then, Coolbones.

- ♪

- Billy, Nora, do you know
why we asked you up here?

- I admit it!
I drank Mom's shampoo!

It just looked so
green and refreshing.

- It's true. You've
gotta see the video.

- Okay, we'll talk
about that later.

But, first,
we wanna thank you

for being so great
about sharing a room

ever since we put Chloe
in Billy's old room.

- And as a reward,
we worked all day

and redesigned your room.

- NORA: No way!
- BILLY: Whoa!

- This is the coolest
room ever!

- I call the bed
that says "Billy"!

- We're glad you like it.

Come on, Chloe,
it's time for your nap.

- I wanna nap here.

- Don't you wanna nap
in your room?

- There's a monster.

- A monster?
Sweetie?

- Dad, let us handle
this--kid-to-kid.

- Chloe, we used to
be in your shoes.

Seriously, those used
to be my shoes.

But take it from us,

there's no such
thing as monsters.

- Never has been.
- Never will be.

- Except the huggy monster!
[roaring]

- [screaming]

- What were you thinking?

- Billy drank shampoo!

- Is it something you
can use as a w*apon?

- No.
- You sure?

'Cause I once crippled
a guy with an onion ring.

- Max, I need
to talk to you.

- Quick, get me
an onion ring!

- Remember Link's
friend Quinn?

It turns out she's some
sort of crazy mean girl.

She totally hates me.

- Still waitin'
on the crazy part.

- I'm serious, Max.

She even threatened
to break up me and Link.

She made a heart
with her hands,

and then went like this...

- She used mime?

Look, Phoebe,
even if it's true,

why are you telling me?
Tell Link.

- That's the problem.
I can't.

He'll just think I'm
a jealous girlfriend.

And that's not how
Coolbones rolls.

- Seriously, get me
an onion ring!

- But if he sees her
being mean to me again,

he'll know she's bad news.

And since you're
always mean to me,

I thought you could help
get the ball rolling.

- Look, Phoebe, I'd love
to help you, but...

[laughing]

I'm just kidding.
I'd hate to help you.

- So, you'd rather
glue cards to your head

than help your sister?

Thanks a lot.

- Finally!
Now, back to the game.

- He's a horse
and you're a pineapple.

- MAX: Oh, come on!
- COLOSSO: Hater!

- ♪

- [creature snarling]

[snarling continues]

- Nora?

Nora!

Look, free bows!
- Where?

- I think there's
a monster under my bed.

- First of all--
never joke about bows!

Second of all--
don't be ridiculous.

- I'm serious.

I heard a really
weird noise.

- Me, too, and it
won't stop talking to me.

- Please, Nora?
I'm scared.

- [sighing]
Come on.

We'll check under
your bed together.

- Thank you.

- One, two, three.

You see? Nothing.

- [creature snarling]

- BOTH: Monster!

[screaming]

Hot sauce monster!

- It is the middle
of the night.

What are you two doing?

- Trying to survive!

- There's a monster
under my bed.

- Nice try, you two.

I heard you telling Chloe
you don't believe in monsters.

You're just staying up late,
goofing off.

Now go back to bed.
- BOTH: But, Dad, there's--

- ♪ La La La La La La ♪
Goodnight.

- [door closes]

- Are we gonna
sleep here tonight?

- This is our dream
bedroom, Billy.

What do you think?

- Goodnight.
- Goodnight.

- ♪

- Hey, Max,
thanks for coming.

- I'm not here for you.

I just have
an inexplicable craving

for Rocky Road ice cream.

- Ah, weird.

- Eat fire, cyborg scum!

- Pound 'im in
the abdomen!

- BOTH: [sniffing]

Ice cream...

- Wait a minute, did you--
- Shhhh, here they come.

Look at her hiding
in the back field

trying to intercept
my boyfriend.

- Oh, nice football analogy.
- I hate that I know that.

All right, here's the deal--
I'll buy you three scoops,

if you can get Quinn to be mean
to me again in front of Link.

- Phoebe, there's no way.
The woman's hug-a-duck is--

- [stomps on ice cream]
- GIRL: [crying]

- [giddy laugh]
I think I'm in love.

- I told you she was bad.
- Well, she's not only bad...

she's heartless...

and callous...

and she will be mine.

- That could work.

If you can get Quinn
to fall for you,

she'll forget about Link.

Okay, here's what
you need to do--

Wait, where'd ya go?

- Hey, guys.

- Oh, hi, Max.
I didn't know you were coming.

- Uh, I invited him.

You know much he loves--
- Your eyes.

- I was gonna say
"ice cream," but...

creepy works, too.

- So, Quinn, how long
are you in town?

Maybe I can show
you around?

- No, thanks, I don't get
to see Linky very much,

so, I was planning to spend
all my time with him.

- Uh, actually,
me and Sir Links-a-Lot,

new nickname, are having our
sixth month anniversary dinner

tomorrow night,
so you guys are free.

- I see. Then I'd love
to see you, Max.

We'll make it a double
date with Phoebe and Link.

- What?

- Oh, you won't be jealous
if we tag along.

Will you, Dogbones?

- It's Coolbones.

And I'm cool with it.

- Uh, well, if you are,
then I am.

Now what's everyone having.

- I'm just gonna get
a small cone.

- I'm buying!

- With hundred
dollar gift card.

- Give it up, honey!
Link is mine!

So back off or else...

Cute shoes!

- I do not accept
your compliment.

- Would you like to sample
our mango frozen yogurt?

- Mango!!

[pincers clicking]

[gulping platter]

- ♪

- All right, another
monster-free night.

Billy, wake up.

- [screaming]
Eat Nora first!

This is awkward.

- Get up--we have
clean this mess

before Mom and Dad
come downstairs.

- On it.

[zooming]

Can you move? I'm trying
to hide stuff from you.

- Pillows? Did you guys sleep
down here last night?

- No.

- The last two nights.

- What? Why?

What's that on
your arm, Billy?

- It's a recipe
for the monster.

- "How To Make
a Nora Casserole."

- Billy!

- Maybe you two sharing
a room was a mistake.

Now you're sneaking down here
in the middle of the night

and making stuff up?

- We're not making
anything up.

There really is a monster.

- [poofing]
Told ya.

[poofing]

- Okay, this has to stop.

No more monster talk,
or we're gonna separate you guys

and have Billy sleep
in the attic.

- Yes! And Nora, too?

- [sarcastic laugh] No!
Are you even listening?

- You're right, Mom.
We promise.

No more monster talk.

So, let's talk
about the monster.

Obviously, we need
to handle this on our own.

And there's only
one solution.

- Move out west
and live off the land?

- No, we catch that monster
and take back our room.

- Right! Then move!

- ♪

- PHOEBE: [laughing]
- Oh, this place is lovely.

- Only the best
for you, Quinn.

Remember when you paid
at Scrunchies'?

That's our thing now.

- I'm gonna check on a little
anniversary surprise

I set up for us.
- Aw...

- Which is less of
a surprise now.

- [laughing]

I have the best boyfriend.

- Yeah, and to think
the cab driver thought

Link and I were a couple.
- [laughing]

Well, you were sittin'
on his lap.

- I was just giving you
room to fix your makeup.

But you're fine.

The lighting in here
is very forgiving.

- BOTH: [insincere laughter]

- LINK: [laughing]
What'd I miss?

- Not much.

- Come on,
our table's ready.

- Remember the plan,
Max, okay?

Make Quinn fall for you, so
she'll lose interest in Link.

- You keep talking like
we're in this together.

- I'm just trying to
make her fall for me

so she loses
interest in Link.

Now, time to put on
the flirt face.

Step aside, 'cause this
might get beautiful.

I call this one...

The Velvet Tiger!

[snarling]

- You sure that's
not the, uh,

constipated kitten?

- [snarling]

- My, it is so
humid out here.

It's a good thing
I brought my pocket fan.

Uh, Linky, a little help?

- All right.

- ♪

- Okay, wrap it up.

It's a dinner,
not a photo sh**t.

- That's it, keep going.
- [camera shutter clicking]

Give me the eyebrows.
Look at the camera.

Love ya. Oh, nice.

- PHOEBE: [powers zapping]
- MAX: Oh!

- Why don't we all sit down?

[laughing]

- Uh, how do I turn
this fan off?

- Oh, it's easy. Watch.

- PHOEBE: Oh!

- Oops!

- Uh, did that mess
up my hair?

- No. [laughing]

- So, Quinn, I'm really
liking your mean streak.

I admittedly have a bit
of one, myself.

- I have no idea
what you're talking about.

- Our little secret.
Got it.

- Good evening. I'm Rob.
I'll be your waiter tonight.

- Hey, Robbie, why don't you
tell us about the specials?

- I'd be happy to.

Our fish tonight is a tuna
tartare with a--

- [powers zapping]
- [speaking gibberish]

- I'm sorry, what was that?

- Uh, it's tuna tartare with--
- [powers zapping]

- [speaking gibberish]

I'm sorry. Would you
please excuse me?

- [laughing]

I should get out
more often.

- You should.

In fact, why don't you go
on another date with Quinn?

Somewhere else.

Right now.

- What do you say, baby?

- Ew.

- Uh, hey, everybody,
how about we toast

to Phoebe's
and my anniversary?

Max, could you pass
the water?

- [powers zapping]

- [water splattering]
- PHOEBE: [gasping]

- Oh, Phoebe, that's too bad.

At least it wasn't one
of your nice dresses.

- ♪

- Okay, let's
review the plan.

The monster will enter
the room--attracted by our bait.

- Pork sausages and a copy of
"Monster Fashion" magazine.

- When he trips the trap,
whoosh, the net falls on him.

- Then you zap
the daylights out of him.

- Exactly.
- But don't zap the magazine.

I still wanna see what those
sassy Sasquatches

are wearing this Fall.

Let's do this!

- [creature snarling]

- Did you hear that?
- Uh-huh!

- [loud thud]
- [net drops]

- We've got him, Nora.

Now blast him
into next week.

- BOTH: Chloe?

- Hi.
- [creature snarling]

- Is that the sound
your doll makes?

- What is going on in here?

- Chloe's the monster!

Blast her, Nora!

- Chloe's not a monster.

Chloe, what are you
doing in here?

- My room's scary.

- Oh, I get it.

She's been teleporting
under our beds at night

because she's afraid to
sleep in her own room.

- Is that true, sweetie?

Are you afraid to
sleep by yourself?

- Uh-huh.

- Aw, that's so cute.

Nora, take a sh*t!

- Sweetie, do you wanna sleep
in Mommy and Daddy's room

for a little while longer?
- Mm-hm.

- Well, Billy, looks like you
have your old room back--

for a little while.

- But we love being roomies.

- Yeah, Nora blasts
my toys in her sleep.

- Yeah, in my sleep.

- Look, Chloe, you can
come stay with us

whenever you want.

- Geez, why do we need
a five-bedroom house?

Why don't we all just
sleep in the same room?

I was kidding!

- [creature/doll snarling]

- Ah, all dried off, Phoebe?

- Hey, Quinn, what're
you doing in my chair?

- It's just so much
more festive

when people switch
seats during dinner,

don't you think?

- You know what? I do!

Which is why I think we
should switch seats again.

[laughing]

Look at us being festive.

- Listen to me, wondergirl,
I warned you.

Nothing can stop me
from being with Link.

- I'm not afraid of you.

- You should be.

I can be very scary.

- Bug eyes?
Oh, you are goin' down!

Link, I didn't
wanna say anything

'cause I was afraid you
would think I'm jealous,

but Quinn has been trying to
steal you away from me.

Oh, and, status update--

she's an evil bug villain
just like her parents!

- Evil bug villain?

Run away with me!

- Phoebe, why would you
say such hurtful things?

- Oh, quiet, six-legs!

- Surprise crab cocktail
for the anniversary couple!

- Oh, not a good time.

- I'll take that.
Tiger's gotta eat.

- Phoebe, maybe your group
anniversary date was a bad idea.

- It wasn't my idea,
it was hers--

Quinny Bug-Bug!

- Maybe I should just
take Quinn home.

- You don't believe me?

- Two mango salads.

- Excuse me a sec.

- MAX: [whining]

- Trade ya half-eaten crab legs
for a mango salad.

Thank you.
- Phoebe, what are you doing?

I was digging those crab legs.

- It's mango salad, Max.

If I'm right, Quinn can't
resist the smell of mangoes.

- Really?

Then the Velvet Tiger
has just found his scent.

- Listen, Quinn wants to go

and you're just not being
quite yourself tonight.

- Aw, but you can't
leave yet.

Quinn hasn't even
had her dinner.

- [pincers clacking]

- PHOEBE: [gasps]
- LINK: Quinn?

- [gulping plate of food]

- What is happening?

- Oh! Oh! I know!

Uh, see, this is
the moment where you realize

your girlfriend was right about
your friend being a bug villain!

- Uh...guys...

Quinn is kinda...
lookin' at me funny.

- Oh, you're okay, Max.

They only go into a feeding
frenzy when they smell mangoes.

- Well, that's bad because

I sorta just rubbed mango
all over my face.

- QUINN: [slurping]

- Hot sauce.

- [gulping bottle]

[screeching, sizzling]

[screeching]

- Phoebe, I am so sorry
I didn't believe you.

I ruined
our anniversary dinner.

- No, you didn't ruin it.

Your two-faced bestie did.

- Well, aren't you
two adorable.

I almost just got
my head eaten!

- Of course, since Quinn
now knows where we live,

I'm gonna have
to hand her over

to the Hero League
for memory wiping.

- QUINN: [sighing]

I'll never forget you, Link!

- Yeah, you will--
in about minutes.

- Seriously?
Still into Captain Boring?

Well, hey, guess what?
I never liked you!

Yeah, you bug-eyed
flyin' freak!

Heh. Heh.

So, does she
have a sister?

- ♪