01x03 - Episode 3

Episode transcripts for the TV Show "Doctor Who: Scream of the Shalka". Aired: 13 November – 18 December 2003.*
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The Doctor tries to help a village where the residents are in fear of an alien race called the Shalka.
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01x03 - Episode 3

Post by bunniefuu »



Copy that. Engage with high expl*sive.
Kennet out.

Just heard from the helicopter units.
An evacuation truck is under att*ck.

Blast! I thought the expl*si*n
would hold them off.

They're surprising me,
which is worrying and it's odd.

Why continue the punishments
after the town's been evacuated?

I don't know.

Maybe they're alien monsters
who don't give a flying...

- Greaves.
- GREAVES: Sorry, sir.

KENNET: This is a recon mission.

We find the enemy, fix their position,
then either retreat for

or call in reinforcements.

How nice for you.
I'm just after my Tardis.

Here you are, Doctor.

I'm here under duress,
remember that, Major.

Don't you ever offer me a g*n again.

I am not gonna let you control me.

Whatever you are.

I'm not your zombie.

Ground floor, caves, aliens,
w*apon of mass destruction.

You lot be careful you don't miss those.

Which way, Greaves?

- This way.
- Oh, now he's driving.

I can sense where the Tardis is.

If we encounter the creatures,
you're not to open f*re. Understand?

You don't give my men orders, Doctor.

What is it?

A dirty, great alien monster, sir!
Just a guess.

Or rather dozens of them,
joined together as a colony creature.

On my mark, you men.

Snap out of it and scatter.

- Mark!
- Grenades!

Throw them into the corner,
the sound will hurt it.

You heard him.

I'm afraid I just did give them orders
and it felt so good.

He did that deliberately.

The teeth are deliberate, aren't they?

What a wonderful species.

To have such control
over what you're like.

Excuse me,
I hope I don't taste of boot polish.

That's it!

Take me home, big boy!

DOCTOR: Yee-haw!

MASTER: Every day presents
a new challenge to one's dignity.

You've reached the good ship Tardis,

we're rather busy at the moment.

Leave a message after the beep

and we'll try and get back to you
before you called.

- Stop that! (GIGGLES)

You really should change that message.

Are you there?

I'm trying to get there, you fool.

Well, if you can hear me,
have you considered

setting up a secondary
configuration suite?

Nothing can generally get in, I know,

but I haven't encountered
this lot before.

There's something worryingly confident
about them. Cheerio.

why did I choose continuing existence?

Listening to him
being right all the time,

when I had the option of a slow,
painful death.


Hello! This is so unexpected.

Is there someone more famous
further back in the monster?

Ha-ha, there the old girl is.
It's been lovely but I must be going.

What are you?

No, it's, "How are you?"

And how are you?

I am Prime,
w*r Chief of the Shalka Confederacy.

And that's, "who are you?"

I'm the Doctor.

I'm from a highly-advanced
alien species,

entirely different league to you.

I only come to this planet
for the wine and the total eclipses.

And I do love a nice,
old-fashioned invasion.

I think this lot could certainly do
with a spot of regime change.

What a turnout! There must be... Oh!

A bridgehead force of 2,000 Shalka.

That's the information you wanted,
isn't it?

Shalka, eh? Never heard of you,
so forgive me but you can't be all that.

Aha, I like your wormhole.

Oh, dear, do you call it that?

Instead of pretending to be a fool,
just ask your questions.

Well, I am slightly curious.

Why did you only inv*de
a tiny bit of Lancashire?

Our ambition is greater than that.

Oh, you mean... Nottinghamshire?

Like the humanoid form by the way,
differentiates you from your henchworm.

DOCTOR: You speak and breathe air,
they don't.

- I value understanding my enemy.
- Do you?

I've experienced
so called human culture.

The random noise of individual minds.

Lower creatures such as humans
aren't united like the Shalka.

Your technology's based on sound

built around your natural
att*ck mechanism.

Advanced enough to control a black hole
and hollow out spaces like this.

All within a few weeks. I'm impressed.

You know, not that I care either way,
and I hate to say it,

but if it's a dying home world job,
you don't need an invasion.

The humans don't use
the inside of their world.

Rather than being their conquerors
you can be their lodgers.

Much more fun.

Though you'd probably have to take
a turn cleaning out Wookey Hole.

Our home world is not dying.

It is the centre of our empire
of a billion worlds.

Well, as the actress said to the bishop,

"I'm not human and I don't care."

- I'll just get out of your way.
-1 think not, Doctor.

I think you are a lower creature too.

(GRUNTS) Get off me! Get off me!


I think you have
a lower creature's weaknesses, Doctor.

Does this mean you're offering to cook?


Stop it! I'll do whatever you want.
Just don't hurt her!

And being a lower creature,
you will do as we say.

MASTER: Oh, my dear Doctor.
Where have you been?

Tell me that you haven't done
something foolish. Again.

Well, I'm afraid that I won't...

Is this all?

A simple toy?

It was hardly worth your humiliation.

More alien monsters, sir.
I make it three at least.

We're not going to make it
that way either.

KENNET: Retreat! Retreat!

ALISON: I didn't...
I didn't do anything.

DOCTOR: Shh...

- I wasn't...
- Shh!

- What are you doing down here?
- They grabbed me.

That sound they make.
Protect me from the lava.

-1 should have let you die.
- Oh, cheers!

They might have thought
that was who I was then.

The detached alien observer, but no,
as always only the monsters know me.

Only they know how weak I really am.

ALISON: You gave in
because they threatened me.

Anyone would have done that.

Well, I did try to do something else
last time this happened.

Which is why I told myself

that I would never get
into a situation like this again.

- What happened?
-(SIGHS) Doesn't matter.

Talk to me. This is not my fault.
How do we get out of this?

If it was just me
I'd improvise something.

These days when I have
someone else to worry about...

why couldn't you have offered
to sacrifice yourself?

It was all down to me!

I'm not going to sacrifice myself
for Lannett.

It's the dullest place in the universe.

Oh, I think not.
You should see my home planet.

I was thinking about leaving
when all this happened.

What... You were about to leave Joe?

I don't know.
Maybe I was hoping he'd come with me.

Did he know how you felt?

I just started telling him
how unhappy I was,

only then the place got invaded
by aliens and, hey, priorities.

And now I'm just hoping
he doesn't get, you know, k*lled...

Because that would be so bad now

with things up in the air
between us and everything.

Oh, that's really selfish of me, right?

No, I understand exactly and completely,
believe me.

(GROANS) My head!

Where did you get that wound?

I don't know.

Maybe, when the...
When the house exploded.

I've been getting headaches
ever since they brought me down here.

It'll be the atmosphere.

Prime keeps air circulating down here

rather than slipping
in and out of its lungs.

But there is a lot
of volcanic gas around.

Do you fancy a puff of my huffer?

We now understand the principles
of your craft.

Do you? Could you explain it to me?

A simple cause and effect device.

The usual lower creature conceits.

Its operation will prove
well within our abilities.

So, now you die.

DOCTOR: Your plaintive
cries didn't help.


The space time tunnel to our home world

is created by the sonic control
of a singularity.

Set like this,
it can transport our armies instantly

across thousands of light years.

If set like this...

PRIME: It's a black hole again.

It crushes whatever is thrown into it
down to a mathematical point.

We use it to dispose of our waste.

What about her? You can't...

Leave him alone!

PRIME: Lower creatures always assume

their cries will have some effect on us.

It's very strange.


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