04x09 - Player's Ball

[bunniefuu]

When a team of explorers starts an expedition, they don't just do it all in one go.

They establish a base camp with resources so they always have a place they can return to.

As we near the end and say goodbye, my heart whispers this: "You only have one life to live, Techtroppies, so go live it.

" But we're still working this week, right? Yeah.

Get to work.

So a good base camp is very important.

Look at this place.

So empty.

It's spooky.

I like it.

I think it's soothing.

Hmm.

Sammy, I've been thinking.

Since you're going off to Antarctica and my nut is going off to a facility where they'll turn it into an amulet I'll wear round my neck for the rest of my life like a boss I don't remember the doctor saying that.

It was implied.

Point is a lot of things are coming to an end.

I still haven't been accepted into the Antarctica program.

I called them to follow up 11 times, and on the 11th time, they told me that, barring any unpleasant surprises, I'm in, so I'm feeling pretty good about it.

Well, then there's only one thing left to do.

Going away partay.

We'll call it Zahid's Ball's Ball.

No! No, no, no, no, no! A Gonad's Gala.

No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

A Soiree for a Sack.

Okay.

Well, we'll land on something good.

We can have a party.

I don't care what we call it.

Really? You're usually so party averse.

Not this time.

I need to stimulate my hippocampus.

Well, that doesn't sound appropriate.

My hippocampus.

It's the part of the brain that deals with navigation, memory retention, and emotional regulation.

Yeah, I don't think mine works very well.

I can't navigate or memory retend.

Researchers found that after spending time in Antarctica, German scientists' hippocampi shrunk by 7%.

Can you imagine? I truly can't.

They think it's because it's so flat and white, their brains weren't stimulated enough.

So scientists recommend that explorers try to build up their hippocampi with activities like brain puzzles, aerobics exercises, and socializing.

A party will present plenty of opportunities for hippocampus stimulation.

Whatever you say, homie.

We gonna boogie

-woogie.

Sorry.

Wow.

You're really doing it.

You're leaving.

Yeah.

It's It's not because of me, is it? No.

I mean, you know better than anyone.

I don't wanna be here.

I never have.

If you wanna talk

- I'm not ready to

- Okay.

I just wanted to ask you I got an invitation to your brother's going

-away party, and I wanted to go.



- For Sam.



- Yeah.

Is that weird? Well, you should know it's also a party for a testicle, so Yeah.

The Evite was very clear.

It's not weird.

You should come.

Okay.

Is your dad gonna be there? Yeah, probably.

Why? What the hell did you do? Whoa.

Whoa.

You told Izzie she wasn't good for me? Why would you do that? No.

She came down here to talk to me, and it just slipped out.

And I'm sorry if I hurt her feelings, but what I said, it was the truth.

No, it's not, but it doesn't matter because you got what you wanted.

We broke up.



- I'm sorry, Casey.



- No, you're not.



- Case.



- Don't talk to me.

Casey.

What? You know I love you, but Why do you have to start with that? When you start with that, I always know something bad is coming now.

What? You are too hard on Izzie.



- You're not giving her a chance.



- Okay, I get it.

It's everyone versus me.

I get it.

Dad, save the date.

There's a must

-attend brain

-enlarging event this Saturday night.

Well, I'm working Saturday, but if it's important, maybe I can change my shift.

We're saying goodbye to Zahid's testicle.

I'll keep my shift.

Good news, Mom.

You have a chance to redeem yourself after the pemmican and hoosh debacle.

I need you to help me plan a party.

Well, I don't really think I need to redeem myself.

You do.

But I was thinking of buying you new luggage for your trip.

Has the program sent you a packing list yet? I need to know what we are dealing with.



- They haven't sent it yet.



- Huh.

Well, I'll just give them a call and ask.

Please don't.

I don't want the people at the program to think I'm a baby.

They're not gonna think you're a baby.

Babies don't go to Antarctica.

Even grown men need a packing list.

But their moms don't.

Okay, well, I'll just use my best guess.

But it's your funeral.

Good.

Now, let's discuss the party.

The theme is testicles.

No, testicle.

Okay, um I'll keep things round, but I'm not gonna get too literal.

That sounds okay.

Although, Zahid did request Swedish meatballs from IKEA.

You wouldn't think a furniture store would make good meatballs, but he loves those things.

Bad news, Paige.

Wendy wiped out.



- What?

- Wendy.

You know, the waitress.

Our new potato.

Oh, right.

I I steer clear of the potato.

Too many bad memories.

Well, she slipped on the ice and sprained her ankle.

It's pretty bad.

Grade 3, and there are only three grades.

Oh no, that poor thing.

Uh, do you want me to sign a card? No.

Guess again.

But managers don't wear the potato.

Usually that's true, but this is an emergency.

We need a potato.

Corporate insists on a potato.

Well, then why don't you do it? Come on.

My feet wouldn't fit through the tight holes.

Your feet fit through the tight holes.

We need you, Paige.

Sal E.

needs you.

Son of a baked potato.

All right, I'm heading out.

Have fun at the party.

Quick question.

If you were going to Antarctica, would you rather have one of those big, ugly backpacks or a nice, sturdy duffel?

- Backpack, definitely.



- Really?

- Yes.



- See, I really think duffel.

I just don't know how much space he's gonna need.

I'm just gonna call real quick.

Thank you for calling Student Activities.

Please leave a message.

Hi, um, this is Elsa Gardner.

I have some questions regarding the Antarctica arts program.

Specifically, I'm seeking guidance in making smart luggage choices.

Uh, please call me back.

My number is 203

-145

-7539.

Thank you, bye.

I thought Sam asked you to stay out of it.

Yeah, and I am.

Now.

Have a great time.

I could really use a hand, homie.

I wouldn't mind giving it to you, but right now I'm busy trying to stimulate my hippocampus.

Eating foods that are rich in omega

-3s is one way to do that, thus the sardines.

Great idea, player.

Fill the place with fish stank right before the party.

The ladies will go wild.



- You think?

- Only if they're cats! Give me a hand, will ya? Paige is here, and she's bearing gifts.



- Hi, Paige.



- Hi.

What'd you get me? Well, I was thinking about what would be most useful, so for Zahid, a comfy doughnut pillow to sit on after your surgery.

For realsies? Only the truest of friends considers the comfort of one's balls.

I will think of you every time this gently cradles my beanbag.

That's not necessary.

And for my little snow bunny, roasty toasty mittens.

According to an ad, these are 40% more dexterous than average mittens, which is ideal for drawing.

I didn't know you could pinpoint a mitten's dexterity with a percentage, but turns out that you can.

Okay.

Thank you.

No, thank you for the welcome shopping distraction from my life.

It just stinks, you know? It feels like everybody is moving on, and I'm back to the spud life.

To be fair, I would switch spots with you in a heartbeat.

No, I I know.

I I didn't mean to be insensitive.

You know, it's just that Sam looked into his penguin's eyes, he knew his purpose.

But what's my purpose? Where's my magical bird?

- And what's that smell?

- Sardines.

They're high in oracle

-3s.

Ugh.

They're high in making me wanna throw up.



- Ew.



- Ugh.

Well, luckily, our first guest has arrived, so now I can stimulate my hippocampus by socializing.

Well, how are you? Oh, I I mean, I kinda just told you.

I feel it in my pulse This is very, very fruit

-filled.

So good for ya.

Great turnout.

I think I'm gonna go mingle.

You okay? Do you wanna mingle? No.

Tell everyone I say hi.

Okay.

And I know and I know And I know and I know Ooh! Hello, friends! In honor of my nethers, let's all discuss my bulgiest pants.

I say my burgundy cords.

Who wants to go next? Powder blue chinos.

Ooh.

It never left us We still got the funk Honey, would you like your headphones? No, thank you.

My hippocampus needs the extra stimulation.

After everything I've done, I need to give myself every chance of success in Antarctica, even if it's hard.

Hey, hey Well then, do you wanna dance? Dancing and other aerobics are supposed to be good for the hippocampus, so okay.

It never left us We still got the funk It never left us We still got the funk It never left us We still got the funk Come on We still got the funk, hey

- We still got the funk

- Hey Hey, it never left us We still got the funk It never left us Aw.

Well, aren't you two just the cutest.



- Is Izzie coming tonight?

- Yeah, I think so.

We still got the funk Cool tattoo.

Thanks.

It's stick

-and

-poke.

I do them myself.

I have a chicken on my foot and a heart on my butt.

Paige sent me a picture of her butt once.

I did.

You're really talented.

You want one? I have my kit in the car.

Nah.

I'd probably get something dumb that I'd regret.

Okay.

Why'd you send her a picture of your butt? Oh, not just her, the whole family.

Mm

-hmm.

Can we finish? Can we finish what we started? Hi.

Hello? Yes, thank you for calling me back.

I just had a few questions.

I wanna see this through with you, oh Oh no.

Thank you.

I wanna see this through with you, oh Cherry.

Lemon.

My favorite tree fruits and burlesque dancers.

Welcome to my Junk Jamboree.

Hey, Zahid.

So sorry about your family jewels.

Mm.

Mm

-hmm.

What you doing out here, E

-money? I have a secret I'm not supposed to have.

Ooh, juicy.



- What is it?

- I can't tell you.

It's too awful.

Sam's Antarctica program got canceled 'cause not enough people signed up.

I don't wanna know this.

I don't wanna know this either.



- What do we do?

- I do not know.



- Poor Sam.



- I know.

He was so excited about this trip.

He almost ate sardines.

I'm sorry.

You do not need this on your plate too.

Are you kidding? I always have more room on my plate for Sammy.

He's like those amazing meatballs from IKEA.

I should go tell him.

And you, you should go and dance with your stripper friends so they can go back to work.

Yeah.

I mean, they work whenever they want 'cause they're ballers and Lemon day trades, but point taken.

Bah, dum, bah, bah Hey, Sam.

How's your hippocampus? Pretty good, but I think I've had enough auditory and social stimulation for now, so I'm gonna go into my room and conduct some quiet, small group exercises.

I'll text you when it's your turn to come in.

Oh look! It's my turn to come in.



- This is a really great system.



- Thank you.

I get it.

My friends and I do this thing where when a party gets to be too much, we just, like, hit the pause button and go get hot dogs.

We even have a name for ourselves: the Mid

-Party Hot Dog Crew.

I'd rather just go into my room.

See ya.



- You the person who called?

- Yeah.

I was taking out the trash, and I think she's, like, confused or something.



- Is that her?

- Yeah.

Lillian? What, you know her? Yeah, I know her.

Okay.

Done.

Nice.

Crossword puzzles are fun.

I would do them even if it wasn't good for my hippocampus.

Oh yeah, the brain boost is just a bonus.

Anyway, I would love to stay and cruciverb all night, but I gotta get to work.

Duty calls.

And when I say "duty," I mean "doody.

" That job is a number two now that I'm back in the potato.



- Oh, hey, guys.



- Hey, Sam.

The party is lit.

You mind if we hide out in here with you? No, it's actually perfect timing.

Paige was just leaving.

Now, who wants to learn German? Well, I do.

Dang it, I hate my job.

Bye, Paige.

My darling sweetheart I really thought I really loved you And I really thought It was the thought that counted But it was my thought you can lose Oh, why So I got the other offer, but electronics, appliances, that's my heart.

Can I really feel the same way about Sleep Number mattresses? Um, maybe.

Or you could open your own electronics store.

Yeah, call it Bobtropolis.

That's not a bad idea.

Yes, it is.

Hey, Mid

-Party Hot Dog Crew? Mid

-Party Hot Dog Crew.

Yeah.

Cool.

Bobtropolis.

Ich heiße Sid.

Ich heiße Sam.

No, it's ich.



- Ich.



- Itch.

Try it phlegmier, ich.

Ich.

I don't know, Sam.

Are you sure this is good for the brain? 'Cause it feels bad for mine.

Yes, learning another language is one of the best things you can do for your hippocampus.

Hi, Mom.

Ich heiße Sam.



- Ich.



- Oh boy.

Sam, honey, can I talk to you for a minute? Alone? See you later, Sam.

Later, Sam.

Wie geht's? That's "what's up" in German.

Also acceptable, "Was ist los?" Um, it's it's about Antarctica.

Oh, I like it already.

Uh, yeah, it's not that kind of Aren't you gonna pick it up? It's Dad.

Doug? Hi.

Yeah, I I'm still at Sam's party.

What? My mom? Okay, yeah.

All right, I'll see you at home.

Mom, is Grandma okay? Um, yeah, I think so.

Uh, but I I do have to go.

What? Why? So she told you, huh? Sorry, bro.

About my grandma? No, about Antarctica.

Is your grandma okay? I think so.

What about Antarctica?

- About the program being canceled?

- Canceled? It It was canceled? You didn't tell him? I was just about to.



- You knew? How did you know?

- She called them.

Ah! I told you not to.

It was only about luggage, honey.

You always butt in, even when I ask you not to.

And now the program is canceled, and I'm not even supposed to know yet, and it's all your fault! I'm sorry, Sam.

Seriously, homie, she was just trying to help.

Well, she didn't.

You ruined it.

And And now I would like to be alone.



- Sam, honey

- Alone! So you're going back to your old school.

How come? I don't know.

Clayton felt like Like it was telling me what I needed to be.

A school was doing that? Kinda, yeah.

Everyone there acts a certain way and talks a certain way.

I mean, even with the GSA kids.

I just felt like I didn't fit the mold.

Did you fit the mold at your old school? No.

You're screwed.

Maybe.

My high school wasn't great either.

I mean, it was okay, but there was no one like me.

What about college? Is it any better? Yes and no.

I mean, people are still people, but you know yourself more, and that's something.

Actually, that's everything.

Hey, will you give me a tattoo? You sure? I'm sure.

Then let me go get my gear.

All right.

Mom? Elsa! We're having ice cream.

Rocky Road.

It's nice to see you, Mom.

You feeling okay? I'm more than okay.

We're having fun.

Aren't we? Yes, we are.

Yes, we are.

Good night, Mom.

Thank you, honey.

It's so nice being back in your lovely home.

Yeah, it is nice.

Thank you.

Of course.

No, not of course.

That lady hasn't been nice to you once in her life.

You didn't need to do all that.

Yeah, well, it's not about her, is it? Table number seven has a birthday party, so we need a potato dance.

If I remember correctly, you have the sweet moves.

I'm too hot for sweet moves.

This thing's a thousand degrees.

And it's smelly and claustrophobic.

My hand is all sweaty 'cause there's nowhere to put my phone.

Why doesn't this potato come with pockets? This should brighten your spirits.

Corporate is very happy that we found a potato so quickly.

Really? They mentioned me? No, I mean, they're pleased with me, but we're on a team.

Now, get to table seven.

And, uh, careful with the kid in green.

He puked earlier, and I don't want him to spew on the spud.

She got the tattoo.



- Excuse me?

- My friend.

She was scared.

She wanted a tattoo, and she was scared, but she just She did it anyway.

Inspirational.

Now let's see that yam jam.

No.

What? No.

I've been scared too, of failing again, of what my next step is.

But you know what? Whatever my next step is, I'm gonna do it dressed like me, not a stupid nightshade.

I quit.

What?

- So long, Laird.



- Think about what you're doing, Paige.

If you leave now, corporate will be furious.



- They'll never let you back.



- Well, good.

I mean it.

You'll never work for Sal E.

Sour Cream ever again.

All nine and a half locations will be dead to you.

Oh yeah? Well, here's what I think of that.

"'Go

-nad, ' we all said.

" "So he went ahead and went, my fine, loyal ball.

" Okay, who wants to read their haiku to my testicle next? "Sorry you have to go.

" "When I heard, I said, 'Oh no.

'"

- "We'll really miss you "

- Actually, will you excuse me? Sammy, I'm coming in.

Hey, Casey.

Brown sugar.

Uh, are you with Sam? Sam.

You found me.

I remember you said it was soothing.

You're right.

It is.

Are you okay? No, I'm mad.

I worked so hard to train and prepare, and I did everything I was supposed to do.

And now I can't go, and I don't have anything else planned.

I'm so sorry.

Me too.

Me three, obviously.

So I think I'm bi.

Of course you are.

You had a boyfriend, and then you had a girlfriend.

Well, it's not always that simple, but okay.

I've just never said it out loud before, so How does it feel?

- I feel relieved.



- Hmm.

Uh Uh I'm really, really scared.

Sam? We're gonna hug him really tight now, okay? I'll do my best.

Oh, you don't have to.

Okay.

In Antarctica, a good base camp is a must, but even the best base camp is only a temporary home.

Once you've learned what you needed to learn, once you've found what you were looking for, once you survived what you needed to overcome I'm gonna miss this place.

Me too.

Yeah.

it's time to move on.

You guys, I did it.

I found my magical birds.

It's these guys.

What?