02x22 - The Injury

[bunniefuu]

Okay, this is double
or nothing, right?

10 bucks.

Come on, man.

You're breaking
my concentration.

Hallway soccer again?

Hallway soccer's
a summer sport.

Season's over.

This is a
brand-new sport.

Called "Who can get
the coffee cup

off the top of
the light fixture?"

See, the point
of the game--

Self-explanatory,
Matthew.

Good luck,
and may the best man win.

Okay, pretty good.
Pretty good.

Close.
Pretty good.

You're up, dude.

Stand back
and watch a pro.

Give it a sh*t.

[DING]

Ooh. Okay.

Hey, guys.

What's going on?

Just walking around.

You, uh...playing
hallway soccer?

No.
No.

Oh, okay.

Trash can
basketball?

No.
No.

Hey, does this have
anything to do

with that coffee cup

that's been on top
of this light fixture

the last few days?

Kind of.

Oh. What do you call
this game?

Who can get...
the coffee cup

off the top
of the light fixture?

So what do you say
you knock off

before anyone
gets hurt?

Sorry.
No, that's okay.

Just get the cup down
and get back to work.

You heard the man.

We gotta
get that cup down.

Yeah, well, we'd better get
a ladder or footstool,

because running
and jumping for it

would be a bad thing.

Okay, he's gone.
Let's do it.

Double
or nothing?

Yeah. 10...bucks!

Oh, close, but no cigarillo.

Hey, Bill.

Hey. I need you
to sign off

on today's installment
of The McNeal Perspective.

This one is kind of
a hot topic.

Oh, really? Let me guess.

is this the third installment
of your series on

why people should be allowed
to smoke in movie theaters

like in the olden days?

No, no.

I think I was really just
preaching to the converted

on that one...

but it did generate
some interesting mail.

Oh, yeah. Are you referring
to the letter that described you

as Andy Rooney
without a sense of humor?

Nonsense.

Andy Rooney is Andy Rooney
without a sense of humor.

So what's your,
uh, topic?

Okay.

I was driving to work
this morning--

Dave, Matthew hurt himself.
You better come here.

Ohh...where is he?

He's in the men's room.
It's pretty bad.

Thank you, Beth.

Anyway, I was
driving to work--

I'll be right back,
Bill.

All right, how did
Matthew hurt himself?

Oh, never mind.

I think I can
figure it out.

Beth, will you go get
the first-aid kit,

please?

So, Matthew, where exactly
did you cut yourself?

By the elevators.

Left hand. Ring
and small finger.

Superficial lacerations

proximal to the
digitalis profundus.

Huh?

I used to go out
with a nurse.

A male nurse.

Oh, yeah.

That's fantastic,
but I cut my hand here.

Joe, I think

we could really use
a bandage here.

Wait a second. Oh, I got it.

Okay. Um, we've got
a box of Q-tips,

and, oh, we have
some cough drops.

They are mentholated.

Wonderful!

Joe, I've got some
rubbing alcohol

in my office. Will you
go get that, please?

And Beth, will you get
some more paper towels?

What happened?

Oh, Matthew
cut his hand.

Ouch.

Anyway, Dave, I was driving
to work this morning--

Not right now,
Bill.

Bill! Bill!

Let me just have
a look at it, okay, Matthew?

If I even see
a little bit of blood,

I'm going to throw up
on myself.

I know, Matthew.

Come on, I'm sure it's nothing,
all right?

I'm sure it's...I'm sure it's
just a little cut.

[SIREN WAILING]

[♪]

Okay, are you allergic
to penicillin?

No. Just shellfish,
asparagus,

and cat dander.

Okay, well, um, Dave,
should I put those down?

Well, unless the treatment's
going to involve

some sort of medieval potion,
I'd say no.

All right. Medical insurance
carrier.

Medical insurance carrier.

I'm not sure.

Okay. I'll just put
"not sure."

Matthew, do you have your
medical insurance card

in your wallet?

Actually, remember
when they gave us that option

of getting medical
coverage through work,

or else they give you
a lump sum

and then you find
your own carrier?

Yeah. Yeah.

Matthew, are you trying
to tell us

you never got around
to getting your insurance?

I'm still researching them.

You can't just take
the first one that comes along.

Come on.
You have to shop around.

Well, this isn't good.

Let's just go
to a cheaper hospital.

Well, we're here now.

Hello. I'm Dr. Smith.
What do we got here?

Oh, hi, doctor.

Uh, he cut his hand
on a light bulb.

Can I see the--

Yes. Sorry.

Now, uh...who's his
insurance carrier?

We're going to have to
get back to you on that.

Are you...the boyfriend?

[SNORT]

I'm the employer.

Oh, Matthew...

Doctor, can I talk
to you for a moment?

Now, you can still
help him, right?

I mean, even though he
doesn't have the money?

I mean, as I understand
the law,

I mean, you cannot deny him
medical treatment

contingent on whether
his insurance is in order.

If you're done, I'd like
to help your friend

before he bleeds
to death.

Of course. Good.

And here's Bill McNeal

with The McNeal
Perspective.

Thanks, Catherine.

When I was driving
to work this morning,

I was listening
to another radio station,

as we broadcasters
sometimes do.

What I heard
shocked and saddened me.

I heard a broadcaster
who will go unnamed

use the word "penis" on the air.

At 9:00 in the morning,
not just once, but twice,

he said...that word twice.

Now, as a broadcaster,

freedom of speech
is my bread and butter,

but I'm also a big fan

of a little thing
called "decency,"

the meat
in the broadcasting sandwich.

I am personally outraged

by the shock tactics
our competitors are using

in pursuit of
the almighty ratings.

Freedom of speech
is one thing.

The word "penis" is another.

I'm Bill McNeal
with The McNeal Perspective.

Catherine?

The views offered
in The McNeal Perspective

do not necessarily
reflect

the views
of this station,

its management,
or parent company.

Hey, Bill, sorry
I didn't get to sign off

on your McNeal Perspective.

No problem. Just put
your Dave Nelson right there.

I'm going
to have to look at it,

but make sure
you get it to me

before you go
on the air with it.

You're the boss.

Hey, is Matthew okay?

Yeah. Matthew doesn't have
any insurance.

Oh, Matthew!

Does Mr. James know
about this yet?

Yeah, he just called.
He's on his way over.

How's his hand?

Expensive. Yeah.

When the tendons severed,

they rolled up into the arm
like a window shade.

Eww.

Yeah, that's what
I said too.

It's going to cost
about $14,000.

Wow.

Mm-hmm.

Any ideas?

Workmen's comp.

No. It wasn't job related.

Wasn't it?

No, he was just
goofing around.

Dave...wasn't it?

You just file

a workmen's comp report

stating that it was
an on-the-job injury,

and he'll be fully reimbursed
for all medical expenses

as well as any work days
lost due to injury.

Gosh, I just love big-city gals.

But we need
corroboration.

Joe, could you come in here
a second?

Hey, what's up?

Have a seat.

How's Matthew?

Oh, he's fine.
He's fine.

Joe, do you remember
earlier today

when, uh, Matthew hurt himself

while helping you
change a light bulb?

Who's asking?

Workmen's comp.

Ohh, right!

When Matthew, operating
in a job-related capacity,

was assisting me
with my duties.

Mm-hmm.

What's the scam?
We split the cash four ways?

No, Joe. It's for Matthew.

He doesn't have
any health insurance.

Oh. All right. Sure
Whatever I can do to help.

Okay, great.
Thanks.

Hey.

Remember last week
when I fell off that ladder

and hurt my back?

No, I don't, Joe.

Okay. Whatever.

Hey, Dave, how you doing? Good.
So you know what I did?

I borrowed this
from my sheet metal plant

in New Jersey.

Thought maybe you could use it.

Whoops! Now, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

No, no, no.
325 days without--

No, no, no, no, no.

better make that, uh...
zero.

You got a marker, Dave?

Hey, thanks!
All right.

Zero! There we go.

So...
how'd this happen?

Sir...

it really was, just, you know,
another on-the-job injury.

Very unfortunate, but, you know,
entirely work-related,

as he was on the job
working at the time.

Mm-hmm. What was he doing
changing a light bulb?

He was helping Joe.

He was just...helping.

Dave, Matthew is a reporter.

He's not qualified
to change the light bulb.

You know what kind of trouble
I can get in

with the Occupational Health
and Safety Administration?

Well, the facts
are the facts, sir.

Couldn't he, I don't know...

couldn't he just say
he was goofing off

so I don't get in trouble?

Oh, and would you be willing
to pay his medical bills?

I don't think my lawyer
would like that. Roger?

Mr. James?

Can I pay his bill?

Absolutely not.
That would set a precedent

which could be exploited

in other cases
involving employees--

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Thank you, Roger.

Wait in the car.

Well, sir,
I would really hate

to have to ask Matthew
to lie.

No need. I'll do it.
Matthew home right now?

Yes. Why?

Roger wants to ask him
a few questions.

The man is at home recuperating.

I don't think
he's up to an interrogation.

I mean, can't Roger wait
a few days?

Roger?

Yes, sir.

Can he wait a few days?

No, sir.

Didn't I ask you
to wait in the car?

I--I'm going to go get you
that address, sir.

Beth, come here.

Okay.

Mr. James wants
Matthew's home address.

Give him the wrong address,

then call him 45 minutes later
on his car phone

and give him
the correct address.

Also, find Lisa and tell her

to meet me
at Matthew's immediately.

Got it!

Don't forget your
martini, Mr. Bond.

Sit down, sit down.
Come on.

Uh...So, uh...

Please, sit down, sit down.
You're making me, like...

Sure.

So, tell me, Matthew,

How're you, uh...
how're you feeling?

Oh, it hurts.

They gave me some pills,
but it still hurts.

I want to tell you,

just don't worry about
the medical bills, okay?

I've taken
care of it.

Wow, that's very generous
of you, David.

Wait a minute.
How much do you make?

Because I thought

were both in the general
same salary range...

No, I'm not paying
it myself.

Workmen's comp
is going to cover it.

Because you were
working, right?

You were helping Joe
replace a light bulb.

Oh!

Ha ha ha!

So if anyone asks,
you'll say...

Something tells me

there's a little get-well-soon
card in that envelope

for you know who!

Yes, there is, Matthew,

but do you get the point
we're trying to make?

Matthew,
give me this.

Careful.

Okay, you--

Here, let me just
tell you about this.

There's a dog with
a bandage on his paw,

and it says, "roses are red,
and we're all so blue..."

Could you just read
what the people from work wrote?

Okay. "Hey, man, what kind
of painkillers

"did they give you?

Ha ha. Just
kidding. Beth."

Ha ha!

Could you...

read the messages

in the voices
of the people that wrote them?

No.

Look, Matthew,
this is important.

If anybody asks,
you have to tell them

that you hurt your hand

Helping Joe
change a light bulb.

Oh, no, no.
I can't do that.

Why not?

Because that's not the truth,
and I hate telling lies.

My face gets all hot.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Who--who is it?

It's Jimmy.

Uh, just a second.

All you have to say

is that you were
helping Joe.

I'm sorry, I can't.

Hey!

Mr. James!

Hey, well, how you
feeling, big guy?

Oh, it hurts.
It hurts, you know?

They gave me pills,
but it still hurts.

Matthew, do you remember--
thank you--

You remember earlier today

when you were on
your lunch hour,

you were goofing
around with Joe,

and you hurt
your hand?

Actually, it was
more around breakfast time.

Attaboy! Anyway,

you think
you'd be interested

in signing a...

what's it called
again, Roger?

A legal affidavit

affirming that you were
involved, in fact,

in a non-job-related
goof-off situation.

Roger, that's
enough. Really.

Sir, I cannot
stand for this.

Okay, okay, fine, you know,

but if OSHA
comes down on me...

OSHA's not going

to come down
on you.

Oh. Fine. Well, anyway.
Thank you, Matthew.

Thank you.
Oh, hey, hey.

I almost forgot.
Roger?

Yes, sir.

Flowers?

Feel better.

I'm sorry, David.

I just don't like
telling lies.

Have you thought about
the $14,000 medical bill?

Actually, yeah.

I was going to ask you
for a raise.

Or get a roommate
or something.

Something to offset
the whole...

thing.

Hey, is there more
to that card?

And here's Bill McNeal
with The McNeal Perspective.

Thank you.

Yesterday I tried
to call attention

to a rival broadcaster's
use of an obscene word

on the airwaves.

I have subsequently
been informed

that the key issue is context.

That certain broadcaster,
Dr. Art Ulene,

was using the word
in a medical discussion

about prostate conditions.

I guess that's supposed
to make it a-okay.

I implore the owners
of that station

to start levying fines

against their on-air
personalities

who use, no matter
what the context,

a word like "penis,"

but maybe
I'm just old-fashioned.

I'm Bill McNeal,

and that's
The McNeal Perspective.

Catherine?

The views offered in
The McNeal Perspective

do not necessarily
reflect the views

of this station,
its management,

or parent company.

Bill, if you want me
to sign off

on today's
McNeal Perspective,

you'd better
get it to me soon.

Will do, chief.

Hi. Uh...sorry I'm late.

What's going on?

Hi, I'm Dave Nelson.

Hey. John Enghoff,

Occupational Health
and Safety Administration.

Welcome.

John, John, have you, uh,
met my attorney, Roger?

Hi. I'm Roger Edwards.
Nice to meet you.

Hey, they make a great
cup of coffee out there.

David, I have got
to talk to Matthew

before that guy does.

Matthew Brock?

Yeah.

John Enghoff,

Occupational Health and
Safety Administration.

I need to ask you
some questions.

Un momento,
please. Thanks.

Matthew, Mr. James
and Roger

would like to see you
in the kitchenette.

Who's Mr. Jameson Rogerwood?

Can I get you
some coffee?

Mr. James and Roger,
the lawyer.

And before they
speak to you,

I need to talk
to you, Matthew.

About what?

Excuse me, Dave.

I need to see Matthew in here
for a moment, thank you.

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

Okay, let's take a seat.

Hustle up, hustle up,
hustle up.

Oh, you're
Mr. Rogerwood, right?

Matthew, um, I got to apologize.

I'm sorry about last night.

I shouldn't have asked you
to lie.

Oh, no, that's okay.
That's okay.

Because, of course, that's
Roger's job. Roger?

Mr. Brock, you do remember
that during the accident,

you were wearing
protective gloves,

safety goggles,
and rubber-soled footwear

as indicated in the
Occupational Health and--

Yeah, et cetera, et cetera.
You remember all that.

I--I--I can't lie.
It's not in my nature.

I'm--I'm--I'm against lying.

Oh, I bet you could.

Really, I can't.

Okay, Roger. Plan B.

On the résumé you used

to get the job
here at WNYX,

you listed
that you were as a cashier

at Kroger's Market

in 1982 and 1983.
Cashier, huh?

Actually, I--

Yeah, you were never
a cashier.

In fact,
you never rose

above the position
of stock boy.

Stock boy!

Your résumé also
admits the fact

that you were summarily
dismissed from that job

for stealing
an apple pie?

Yeah, but the thing
was past its expiration date,

and they told me
to put it in the dumpster.

I put it in my car

and I gave it
to a homeless person.

Wow! That's like
a real life Les Mis, huh?

Hey, Roger.

Got any other whoppers
in there about this guy?

Do I ever.

I really don't want
to hear any more whoppers.

This is starting to get ugly,
all right?

Now, I think
I can clear the air, all right?

David, I really can't lie.

There you are, Mr. Brock.
Do you, uh, have a moment?

Sure, John.
Come on in.

Okay. If you could
just give me

a little background?

Well, the first thing I did

was put on my safety goggles
and protective gloves.

As I walked down the hallway,

my rubber-soled shoes
were squeaking underneath me.

Well, first of all, if I could
just get your date of birth?

Oh. 12-21-65.

Anyway, I checked the ladder
for metal fatigue,

as we all do, and should.

Bill,

I'm sorry I never
got a chance

to sign off on those
McNeal Perspectives.

No problem.

So, uh, what were
the topics, anyway?

Oh, the usual stuff--
observations, analysis.

Mm-hmm. Okay.

You do understand

that the station
will have to fine you.

I'm prepared
for that eventuality.

I'm willing to pay the price.
My message will be heard.

How...much will
the fines be?

I've got that
for you.

So tomorrow's McNeal
Perspective will be...

Turn signals. How come
no one uses them anymore?

Oh, man,
tell me about it!

Thank you!

Hey.

Hey, Matt.

I wa--I wasn't sleeping.

I know. I know.

Mr. James, I--

Did I do okay?

Did you do okay? You did great!
You did great. Hey.

I'm just sorry we had
to put you through all that.

It's okay. It's okay.

How did you get
all that dirt on me, anyways?

We called your mom.

You must think
I'm a terrible person.

No, no. Not at all.
Not at all.

You know what?

I got fired

from my first job
as a stock boy too.

Oh, for stealing pies?

No, for funneling
register overcharges

into a shell account

in a neighboring
state.

Same principle,
though.

You know, one time,

I dropped a whole
case of eggs.

You know what I mean?
It was like--

Yeah, can't say

I'm too interested
in that, Matthew,

but I'm sure
it was something.

Oh, hey, hey, hey.

How are you fixed for
medical insurance?

Oh, don't have any.

Yeah, I know.
Your mom mentioned it,

but I'll tell you
what I'm going to do.

I'm going to put you
on my plan.

Full medical.

Smile, Matthew.

I'm sorry. I just feel bad
that I had to put--

Just--just smile.

Yeah, better make it
full dental too.

Well, no, Roger,
absolutely not,

and that's final!

I'm sorry. Am I
interrupting something?

Well, Roger here thinks

that you haven't been
entirely truthful with us.

Would you say, Mr. Nelson,

that you've been completely
honest and forthright

during your tenure here
at WNYX?

Uh, yes, I would.

Very interesting.

Under your résumé
under "other interests,"

you list scuba diving.

Come on, Mr. Nelson.

You've never scuba dived
in your life.

How can you be so sure?

We have our sources.

Because I have scuba dived.

I just never
told my mother about it.

I didn't want her to worry.

Happy, Roger?

¿Cuánto tiempo
estudiante español,

Señor Nelson?

Empecé estudiar español
a los quince años

y continué en la universidad.

¿Tienes otras preguntas,
Roger?

Roger, I want to see
Dave alone for a minute.

Take the stairs.

Hey, hey!

Will you look
at that?

What?

Somebody left
a coffee cup

up on the
light fixture.

Oh, so they did.
You know what?

I'll bet you five bucks
I could jump up there

and get it.

Sir, I really don't think
that's a good idea.

Three bucks. Two bucks 50.
Okay, gentlemen's wager.

Mr. James, I'd really
rather you didn't--

Yeah! Whoa!

I'll bet you didn't
think I could do that.

No, I didn't.
Congratulations, sir.

Thank you very much.

So, you got
any plans today?

Yeah. I told Matthew
I'd come over

and watch Melrose Place
with him.

Oh, can I come?

Sure.

Great. Great.

I got a thing for one
of Kimberly's personalities.

[♪]