01x02 - Unicorns Know Everybody's Name

[bunniefuu]

Hon, where are my keys? On the table.

- Mm.

- Mine's gonna be better.

- Mine's finished.

- Keep dreaming.

Okay.

I'm off.

- Love you.

- Love you.

- See you soon, guys.

- Right.

Can I break this one? Eh Don't.

Looks like a doggie.

In an unguarded moment f*ck.

God.

f*ck.

Piece of sh*t.

That's a p*stol right, okay? Let's go.

In the boot, mate.

Open it, get in.

Better move.

Get in.

Head down.

Head down.

Thank you.

Oh, sh*t.

Out you get.

Let's go.

Round the front.

You got the wrong guy, all right? You're Luke Henson, aren't ya? Oh, sh*t.

- I swear to God, you got the wrong guy.

- Shovel.

I swear.

Dig.

Who's paying you? No, mate.

What are you doing? The dirt's supposed to go outside the hole, pal.

Huh? Can I can I ask a favor? No, you can't.

Have you got kids? Huh? I've got a family.

I've got two kids.

They aren't Can you just not Can you just not bury me not bury me.

I gotta bury you, mate.

No, no, no, so they won't they'll know what happened to me.

They won't they won't be left wondering.

Your wife knows what you do, don't she? Can I leave a note? Can I leave can I just leave a note? Just to say that I'm dead.

She'll put two and two together, mate.

Just keep f*cking digging, will ya? Don't look at me, c**t.

Look at the f*cking hole.

Please, please, please, please.

Please.

Can you tell my family that I Dad.

Mm.

Sharny told me that he's not real.

How would she know? Her mom told her.

So is he real? Um Santa's like a myth.

What's that? It's like a like a tradition.

So he is real? No, he's not, no.

So where do presents come from? - I buy them.

- So why'd you lie about that? Good question.

I mean I don't even know where the whole Santa thing comes from.

It must got to do with Jesus being born.

Is Jesus real? Yeah, look, I never met the guy, but possibly.

What about the Easter bunny? No.

The tooth fairy? Uh The tooth fairy's not real either? Mm-mm.

What about unicorns? No, unicorns are real.

Really? How do you know? - I've seen one.

- Where? Blue mountains.

So what happened? I was driving.

I was driving through the mountains and um Yes, I needed to wee.

So when I got out I could hear this noise.

Like, um you know when a horse runs? That noise.

And um Yeah, I'm standing there, like, on the edge of this clearing.

And I can hear this clip-clop noise and it's getting louder and louder.

Then I look up And on the other side of the clearing there's this unicorn.

Were you scared? Actually I was a little bit, yeah.

Yeah, so I'm like standing there and I'm looking at him and he's looking at me And then he um he starts smiling at me.

Huh.

And then he winks at me.

He goes like that.

And he says "You take care, Ray.

" And then he flew off.

Wait.

How did he know your name? Unicorn's know everybody's name.

f*ck.

Dad, $1.

Champion and, in fact, I did my sums wrong before the break.

Joan's going home with over $10,000 worth of prizes for her five nights here on the program.

Yeah, give her a round of applause.

That's good.

You gotta go? - No, not yet.

- So well done.

But you'd still like to win today, wouldn't you? - Oh, I love to win.

- It's easily done What's going on? Nothing.

Spill it.

Gotta go to court.

Now? Tomorrow.

What did you do? Bashed a dickhead.

What happened? I don't wanna talk about it.

How did they get you? Rego.

Got a couple of witnesses.

What are you laughing at? You're getting sloppy.

You can talk.

It's not the fact that you get to see all the pretty girls taking a shower, all though that's pretty good It's that if I'm running late for work, I don't have to take one at home, you know? Ray.

Ray.

What's going on? - Hey, that guy, Henson? - Yeah? - He's not the guy.

- What does that mean? Well, we thought he was the guy.

The guy who k*lled Willie Keys.

See, Henson he owed Willie 60 grand, so we thought it was him but it wasn't.

So I k*lled the wrong bloke? Hey, look, mate.

I'm sorry.

What we thought it was him.

What's the what's the problem? Next time make sure you got the right f*cking guy.

All right.

Can you wash your hands first please? - Yeah.

- And then we're gonna go straight on to homework.

Luke said to give this to you if anything ever happened to him.

What? What what do you mean? So you been married? - Engaged.

- Engaged.

But I was, you know, 21, so Mm.

- You know.

- Dodged a b*llet.

- Mm.

- You know.

You? Married once, yeah.

Got a daughter.

- What's her name? - Britt.

Brittany.

How old is she? Eight.

So what's she into? Horses? Unicorns.

- Cute.

- Mm.

What else? Extortion.

What? She got this thing if you swear she charges you a dollar.

Oh, yeah, like a like a swear jar.

Yeah but there's no jar.

Money just goes straight in her pocket.

- Swear pocket.

- Swear pocket.

What's going on? Sorry.

It's just a friend of mine.

She's having guy trouble.

Mm.

What's happening? Oh, no, she's seeing this guy and I don't know, they're kind of serious but she's thinking I don't know, she's thinking maybe he's not exactly boyfriend material.

Oh, okay.

- What's wrong with him? - Nothing.

I mean, I get along fine and the sex is great.

It's just He's a bit sh*t in the kissing department.

Oh.

Is that right? Mm.

I think you gotta find somebody like everybody's got their own style.

- Mm.

- And you just gotta find somebody that fits your style.

Otherwise it's not gonna work.

- Hey, Ray? - Mm? Yep.

That style all right for you? - Yeah.

- Yeah? Yeah, it's good.

Mm-hmm.

Hey.

So what's the story? The doctor put him in coma.

They say there might be brain damage.

Hey, hey, hey.

Come on.

Come on.

He'll be all right.

Okay? He's a fighter.

And he's gonna be fine.

Okay? All right? Hey? So what happened? These f*cking cock f*ckers.

They bash him.

We was doing deal.

They buy the g*ns.

Then these guys come in and they bash Gary.

Take the g*ns.

So who were these guys? I don't know.

They had mask on.

I can't see face.

You're doing a g*n deal with blokes with masks - on their faces - No, no.

We do deal with guy.

I know this guy.

And while we do deal, these other guys come in.

They bash Gary and they take g*ns.

Okay.

So what's the name of the guy you're doing the deal with? Why you want to know this? Why don't you wanna f*cking tell me? His name is Hassam.

How come they didn't bash you? 'Cause I didn't have the g*ns.

They kicked me in balls.

My balls are k*lling.

You want to see? Huh? Show you my No, I don't want to see your f*cking balls, you idiot.

Got one of the good though, huh, one of the cock f*ckers.

I punching him in his face.

You punched him three times in the face? - Right in the face.

- Oh, how's your hands? - Your hands all right, mate? - Yeah, they're good.

Yeah, okay.

Well, that's good.

'Cause I used to box when I kid.

- Oh, did you? - Yeah.

So I can punch him very good.

Yeah.

Nice.

All right.

Thanks.

Wash your hands, you dirty prick.

Oh, you scare f*cking sh*t of me.

What you do, Ray? Take a seat, mate.

What f*cking seats, huh? You come into my house and you tell me - f*ck off me, huh.

- Huh? What are you gonna do? Let's go for a ride, mate.

Over here, dickhead.

- Stop.

- Come on.

- That's it.

- What the f*ck you doing? You going to f*cking k*ll me, Ray? Huh? Man, I had nothing to do with the Gary thing.

- Yes, you did.

- Yeah? Prove it.

- See that hand? - So? Yep.

See that? Huh? That's what your hand should look like.

Okay, okay.

Okay, I lied to you about that.

But everything else is true.

I swear on life of my family.

The f*ck you doing? Ray, Ray.

I'm Gary brother-of-law.

Okay, mate.

Here's how it's gonna go, all right? You start telling the truth, okay, or I'm gonna cut your d*ck off.

And then I'm gonna go flush it down the dunny.

Okay? You're gonna spend the rest of your life walking around with a stub where your cock used to be.

Vasilli.

It's Hassam.

Come in.

Whoa.

Hands up.

Where's the piece? Waist band.

On the bed.

Both of you.

Go on.

All right.

Start talking.

About what? What do you think? It was Vasilli's idea in the first place.

Don't you lie, cock fucker.

He came to me a couple of days ago, said we should rip him off.

I didn't want them to bash him but your friend's got some balls and he put up a good fight, you know? So who bashed him? Just guys I know.

They got names? If I tell you will you k*ll them? - Stop, stop, stop.

- What? What is it? Hey.

I think there's something out there.

There's nothing out there, baby.

Can you check? Ah.

Ah.

Games, if you want I could show you When the g*ns clack we ain't got no time for combo Talk's cheap when the sun'll let the g*n talk Now you're screaming come and save me Yeah, I'm crazy This is how you made me Ah! When the g*n clack we ain't got no time for combo Talk's cheap when the sun'll let the g*n talk