Hey, uh... have you guys
picked up your mail today?
No. Why?
Oh, God.
This can't be
happening again.
What?
Roy's birthday party.
Oh, no.
What hell has he got planned
for us this time?
"Blow the whistle,
hale and hearty
"it's a choo-choo
burger party
"'cause Engineer Willy's
here to say
a big boy's
turning 12 today."
Wow!
And I thought I was pushing it
shaving three years off.
You see, this is
Roy's little joke.
He only celebrates his birthday
once every four years
because he was born
on February 29th-- leap year.
Remember four years ago
when he turned 11?
He had his party
at Uncle Funtime's Petting Zoo.
I couldn't get rid of that
llama smell for weeks.
I couldn't get rid
of Uncle Funtime for weeks.
It took me two certified letters
and a state trooper
to get that perv
off my back.
Well, this sounds horrible.
What are we going to do?
There's not really much
you can do.
It's kind of like jury duty--
you get the notice, you go,
and wind up at a table
with 12 angry people.
Oh, hey, Brian.
Brian, you remember last year
when you went out of town,
and I watered
your plants for you?
Yes, I do. Yeah.
Didn't I thank you
for that already?
Actually, no,
but that's okay.
Then there was the time
the propeller nicked your arm,
and they rushed you
to the hospital,
and I gave you plasma.
So?
You made more.
Yeah... yeah,
and then there was the time
that the bus was
careening toward you,
and I pushed you out of the way,
and I ended up in a cast
for six months.
Well, hey, I signed that.
You angling
for something, Antonio?
All right.
I need a little favor here.
See, my driver's license
just expired,
but the registry is closed
and I can't renew it
till Monday...
I need you to drive
my cab this weekend.
Listen, Antonio, you and I
have been friends
for a long time...
long enough, I think.
Brian, please.
Antonio, I'd love
to help you out, but...
But what?
But I'm just not motivated.
You're right.
What was I thinking?
You'd have to give up
your weekend.
You'd miss
Roy's choo-choo party...
I'm in.
Um, look...
I'm a little confused
about this whole
Roy-birthday thing.
Am I actually supposed
to buy him something
for a little boy?
Mm-hmm, but there's
a few guidelines.
He hates clothes,
school supplies,
and he got all the Batman stuff
when he turned 11.
You know,
in its own bizarre way,
it's actually kind of sweet.
No, it's just bizarre.
Hey!
Hey. Where you been?
Boston, and you'll never
guess who I bumped into.
Roy's son R.J.
Hold it. Roy has a son?
Yeah. They haven't
spoken in years.
They had a slight
difference of opinion.
R.J. Said he was gay,
Roy said he wasn't,
and darned if R.J.
wasn't right.
They'll be
talking tonight
because I invited R.J.
to Roy's birthday party.
You...? Helen, why in the world
would you want to do that?
Roy is going to flip out.
Joe, you weren't there.
You didn't see his face
when he asked about his dad.
He wants to see him
so badly.
Yeah, but are you sure
Roy wants to see him?
You just shouldn't
get involved with this.
Don't you see? It's fate.
It's Fay?!
Roy and Fay have a son?!
It's fate.
Fate.
Open up your ears, Grandma.
You all come out
and say hello to R.J.
What? He's here?
Yeah, we came in
on the same flight.
I hope you know
what you're doing.
I do.
What more
could Roy want
than to see his only son
on his birthday?
Legos.
Hey, Fay,
you'll never guess
who's going to walk
through those doors.
R.J. Biggins.
How'd you know?
I hear everything
that goes on in the office.
Everything... everything.
Hey, Joe, Helen.
Hey, R.J.
How you doing?
Great.
Great.
I want you to meet
my Sister Casey.
Hi!
Hi.
Well, I've certainly heard
a lot about you, R-gay... J.
R.J.! I can't
believe I did that.
Me, coming from San Francisco
where they're
all over the place.
Uh, Casey...
Oh... oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean...
It's okay.
I know what you meant.
Oh, thanks.
You're so sweet.
That's what I love
about you guys.
There's a...
simple explanation
for her behavior, R.J.
She's an idiot.
So...
is the birthday boy around?
Uh, probably in his office.
Helen, are you sure
this is a good idea,
I mean, surprising him
like this?
We are talking
about my dad.
R.J., just relax.
You know,
people change.
Trust me,
your father has mellowed.
I don't care if you
just had a root canal.
Now, you smile at the passengers
or you're fired.
Hi, Dad.
R.J.
What are you doing here?
It's your birthday.
Oh.
So I thought I'd come.
I see.
This is going well.
So, how have you been?
Okay.
You look good.
Thanks.
I can't watch this.
Tell me when it's over.
Uh... you know,
this was a mistake.
I-I should go.
R.J.?
Helen, maybe next time
you will listen to me
about stuff like this.
I know what I'm talking about.
Sure you do, baby.
Ah, I can't thank you enough
for helping me out here, Brian.
Hey, no problem.
Excuse me.
What, what do you think
you're doing?
Uh... starting
up the car.
I thought we were going
to pick up some fares.
Just like that,
without any training?
What training?
Someone yells "Taxi,"
they get in,
you take them somewhere,
they pay
and then you declare half.
( laughing )
Except for that last part,
you know nothing.
W-where you going?
I think we need
a dry run.
( door slams )
Taxi!
Okay, uh, where to?
I'd like to go
to the Whaling Museum, please.
The Whaling Museum it is.
So, uh,
what do you think
about the situation in Russia?
Oh, yeah, that's a real mess.
I tell you,
I think the problem is...
Wrong! Pull over.
What? What?
What?
All right.
Two things
you never, ever talk about:
politics and religion.
Yeah, but you just asked
me...
Never mind what I asked.
You don't respond.
It's the quickest way
to kiss your tip good-bye.
O-okay, okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Don't worry.
Typical rookie mistake.
Okay. All right, let's go.
Listen, uh,
I'm sorry I snapped at you.
I'm a little on edge.
My landlord's giving me
a real problem.
I haven't had heat in two days.
Oh, that's terrible,
man.
You should get yourself
a lawyer...
Wrong. Pull over.
What? What did
I do now? What?
Never offer a personal opinion
about someone's life.
You never know what's
going to set some maniac off.
I do now.
I'm getting out of here.
No, you're not.
You owe me.
It's payback time,
plasma boy.
All right.
All right.
So, the Celtics have got
a pretty good sh*t this year,
don't you think?
Oh, no, no, no, no.
( clearing throat )
I say, the Celtics have got
a pretty good sh*t this year,
don't you think?
( whistling )
Stop the car!
Stop the car!
What? What? I didn't
say anything.
Exactly! I ask you
a simple question
and you rudely
ignore me.
Yeah, but you said
I couldn't have an opinion.
What was I supposed to say?
As a cab driver, there are
three appropriate responses
to any given situation:
"Uh-huh," "Sounds great,"
"You don't say."
That's it?
If pressed, you can also
comment on the weather.
Now, as I was saying,
the Celtics have got
a pretty good sh*t this year,
don't you think?
Uh-huh.
Very good.
You see, now you're ready
for your first fare.
Sounds great.
( laughing )
This is going
to be fun.
You don't say.
( bell ringing )
I wonder what
I should have.
I'm torn between
the Choo-Choo Chili
and the Caboose Kebabs.
What are we doing here?
I feel like an idiot.
Well, that's much better.
Oh, you should have seen
the Biggins boys.
We whipped these two little
nine-year-olds at foosball.
Sent them crying
home to mommy.
Is this place great,
or what?
I'll bet I'm the
only 12-year-old here
with a son who recently
passed the bar exam.
That's true.
You're also
the only 12-year-old here
who's recently passed
a kidney stone.
And, you know, Dad,
I interviewed
with this big law firm
in Boston.
I think I have
a pretty good sh*t at it.
Oh, that's fantastic.
Isn't that fantastic?
Son...
I am proud of you.
Thanks. And my personal life's
going really well too.
I met someone
really great.
Yeah. Balloon guy?
We need a hat here.
Uh, so, Dad,
like I was saying,
this guy's
very special to me...
Oh, look, look!
Here's Joe and Helen.
Hey, you two!
All aboard.
This party train's
ready to roll!
( bell ringing )
How did it know
to do that?
It's magic, Joe.
( blowing whistle )
Hey, it's
Engineer Willy.
Everybody say,
"Hi, Engineer Willy!"
ALL:
Hi, Engineer Willy.
I hear we got
a birthday boy at the table.
So, where is he?
It's me,
Engineer Willy.
You're kidding, right?
Nope.
Okay, then,
why don't you follow me
up to the Birthday Express,
and we'll get your
choo-choo picture taken, okay?
You friggin' psycho.
Well, it looks like
things are going pretty well
between you
and your dad.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, they're, uh,
they're going great
as long as I don't
talk about being gay.
Well, don't worry.
He'll come around.
He's a lot more sophisticated
than you think.
Next stop, Cheeseboro.
Look what I just won!
Oh, that's cute, Fay.
Where'd you get it?
In that machine over there
with the mechanical arm.
I got it on the first try.
You want one of those, Helen?
I'll go win you one.
Oh, I don't think so.
What is that
supposed to mean?
It's harder
than it looks.
How hard can it be?
Plenty hard.
You won one.
Well, that's because
I spent a summer
traveling with a carnival.
We'd see a mark like you
strolling down the midway
and we'd say, "Come
on in, Little Abner."
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
Somehow, I don't think
this is going to be a problem.
Honey, I'm going
to go and win you
a little pink bear.
Okay, well,
be careful, Joe.
Don't be a hero.
Is this place great,
or what?
Engineer Willy
wants to know
if we are all ready
for Choo-Choo Chocolate Cake.
Cake?
Does that mean it's almost over?
Are you kidding?
This party train
hasn't left the station yet.
Okay, come on, now.
Easy, easy,
yes, yes, yes...
Oh! Darn it.
MACHINE:
Sorry. Try again.
"Sorry. Try again."
Forget it.
Hey, hey, hey.
I was here first.
Oh, there's Luke.
Who's Luke?
My boyfriend.
Your boy... you invited
your boyfriend to the party?
Oh, that's so great.
I thought it was when
you said Dad had mellowed,
but now I'm not so sure.
( bell ringing )
Ooh. Very "clang-clang-clang
went the trolley." Hi.
Hi. I'm so glad
you made it.
I want to warn you.
This could get
a little strange.
It's okay.
Luke, this is Helen.
Hey, Luke,
nice to meet you.
And Casey.
Hi, Casey.
How was
your flight?
Hideous.
If God had intended
for people to fly,
we'd have all been born
with wires in our backs
like Mary Martin.
In Peter Pan.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh, I used to
love Peter Pan.
"Clap hard, everybody.
Clap if you
believe in fairies."
Why do I keep
doing this?
I'm a liberal.
I love you people!
Was that
the strange part?
No. Believe it or not,
she's on our side.
Chug-a-chug-a, chug-a-chug-a,
whoo-whoo!
Here comes the
strange part.
Oh, talk about a train wreck.
Hey! We have got
a new passenger, huh?
Dad, uh, I'd
like you to meet
my friend
Luke Johnson.
Mr. Biggins.
It's nice
to finally meet you.
R.J. has told me
so much about you.
I hope we're going
to be very good friends.
O-o-ooh. Uh...
Presents. I think I'm going
to open my presents now.
Happy choo-choo birthday,
Roy Biggins...
you wacko.
Who wants
some cake, huh?
Uh, I'll
have some, Dad.
Dad, you know, Luke
is very talented.
He built his business
up from scratch,
just like you did.
Yeah, just like me.
You know, Mr. Biggins,
I was telling R.J.,
I think that having
a leap year party
is a really cute idea.
Oh, yeah,
it's real cute.
Dad, please stop that.
No, it's okay, R.J.
No, it's not.
I invited Luke
here to meet you
because he's my...
I know exactly
what he is...
and I want to thank you
for throwing it in my face
and ruining this party.
Oh, so being who I am
and living my life
is ruining your party.
Well, maybe I shouldn't
be at your party.
Come on, Luke.
R.J...
Okay, let's swing down
Main Street, okay?
We'll catch
the dinner crowd.
All right,
Antonio, look...
I need a break.
I'm tired, I'm hungry,
and for the last three hours
all I've said is
"Uh-huh," "Sounds great,"
"You don't say."
That is so not true.
You've talked a lot
about the weather.
MAN:
Taxi!
To the airport, please.
Are you okay?
No. I can't believe
I was stupid enough
to believe my father
had changed.
R.J.?
Brian?
Is that you?
I thought you
were a pilot.
Are you doing okay?
Yeah, I'm
doing fine.
I'm just...
Rules. Rules.
I figured I'd see
you at the party,
but I guess
you missed it.
Uh-huh.
Well, you didn't miss much.
Dad and I got in
a horrible fight.
He just won't accept me
for who I am.
You don't say.
Well, I've had it.
I mean, if that's the way
he's going to treat me,
then I guess I don't want
to have him in my life.
As far as I'm concerned,
I have no father.
Sounds great.
What's the matter
with you?
"Uh-huh." "You don't say."
"Sounds great."
The man is pouring
his heart out to you,
and that's all
you have to say?
Looks like rain.
Damn.
Damn.
Damn!
MACHINE:
Sorry. Try again.
No, you're not sorry.
You're not sorry.
You're glad!
Oh, come on, Joe.
Give it up.
Don't make me put
you in a program.
No. No, listen--
you go home
if you want to,
but I am not leaving here
until I win you a damn bear.
Thanks, Chappel.
I want to thank you
for making this
a very special birthday.
You're right, Roy.
It's all my fault.
I gave you way too much credit.
I thought you could handle it.
I thought you were a mature 12.
You had no business
sticking your nose in
where it did not belong.
Well, I thought
after all these years...
Well, you thought wrong.
I just don't get it.
You treat your only son
that way.
If I had a wonderful son
like R.J.,
I would never let him
walk out of my life.
What do you know
about having a son, huh?
I watched that
kid grow up.
I put my whole life
into that kid.
I thought I was going
to see him get married
and have kids and...
How the hell
could he turn out that way?
I did everything right.
And because you did
everything right,
he turned out
to be great.
You should be
proud of him.
Oh, I would be...
except...
how can I be proud of...
you know.
Oh, Roy, you don't have
to be proud of it,
but you can accept it.
What if I can't?
Well...
you haven't seen him
for six years, right?
Have you missed him?
Of course I missed him.
Well, get used to it.
This is it.
This is it.
I got it.
Come on, Joe.
Let's go.
What?
No!
No.
Sorry. Try again.
No. No.
Here you go, pal.
Compliments of the house.
Hey... I don't
need your pity.
Helen, look what I won.
I'm sorry you didn't have
such a good time.
I mean... between that
insane birthday party
and the cab ride
and, well, my dad...
R.J., I know
you grew up here,
so I'm only going
to say this once
and then I'll drop it.
This is one
screwy little sandbar.
That's okay.
No, I'll handle this.
Uh, you see?
Oh, look here.
There's been a mistake.
There's no charge
for these tickets.
No, thanks. We'll pay.
R.J., if he wants
to pay, let him.
I said we'll pay.
R.J., you don't have to go.
Yeah. Yeah, I do.
Oh.
Because I was thinking
if you didn't
we could, uh...
I mean, just because you...
I mean, you two are, uh...
you know...
doesn't have
to ruin everything.
Dad, who are you kidding?
You're so ashamed
of me and my life,
you can't even say the word
out loud.
Come on, Luke.
Okay, you're gay.
My son is gay.
There is my gay son
and his boyfriend.
He's gay too.
And I love him.
Well...
not the boyfriend.
I just met him.
But I understand
he's very talented.
It's okay, Dad, I hear you.
No, no, it's not good enough.
No, no, I want to try
and understand
about this whole gay thing.
I mean it. I mean it.
R.J., no... I do.
I really do.
I know you do, Dad.
Thanks.
And happy birthday, Dad.
I'll tell you what's the matter
with this country.
It's your politicians.
That's what's the matter
with this country.
They're screwing everything up,
I'll tell you.
And sports? Oh, man.
All those strikes.
Yeah, like they need
all those millions
to run around some field
in stretch pants
chasing a ball around.
I mean, give me
a personal break, you know?
And as for
religion, hey...
07x13 - Sons and Lovers
Watch/Buy Amazon
Two brothers, Joe and Brian Hackett, run a one-plane commuter service from a small Nantucket airport.
Two brothers, Joe and Brian Hackett, run a one-plane commuter service from a small Nantucket airport.