06x28 - The Slip

[bunniefuu]

[ Upbeat music plays ]

♪♪

♪♪

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Dad: [ Deep voice ]

Did you bring the money?

Dad: [ High-pitched ]

$10 million.

It's all in the sponge.Good!

-[ Normal voice ] Freeze!

-[ Gasps ]

Dad: This is

the U.S. government.

You're under arrest

for bath time crimes.

What? You double

crossed me, professor?

I'm not the professor.

[ Gasps ]

The beard was a fake?

It's like Budapest

all over again.

[ Doorbell rings ]Can someone get that?

Anyone?

[ Groans ]

Hmm?

"Sorry we missed you."

Darn it, that was

the final piece

of my subscription jigsaw.

I still have no idea

what it's gonna be.

Why didn't you guys

answer the door?

Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot

we were your personal butlers.

How would His Lordship

like his eggs?

In a bucket smothered

with more eggs --

Wait a minute!

Don't distract me!

[ Vehicle beeps ][ Gasps ]

The delivery guy's

still out there!

He's walking towards his truck!

He's reached his truck!

He's opening one

of the back doors of his truck!

He's putting my package

into the back of his truck!

He's adjusting his pants!

He's still adjusting his --

Both: Just get out there

and talk to him!

[ Whistling ]

I caught you.

I can take my package now.

I'm sorry?

[ Chuckles ]

You're confused.

From my fancy clothes,

you must think

I'm some sort

of wealthy lord,

but I am actually

Richard Watterson,

and that package is for me,

so I'll take it now.

[ Laughs ]

[ Laughs ]

[ Continues laughing ]

No.

The package has been entered

into the system

as undelivered.

It will be returned

to the depot

as per subsection 37b

of company procedure.

But I can see it.

Can't you just give it to me?

Yeah! Sure!

I'll just give it to you.

If rules and regulations

mean nothing to you.So I can have it?

Do you know where we'd be

without rules and regulations?

Right here

but I'd have my package?

Life would be like

a giant cage fight...

without the cage.

Wait!You missed the delivery.

You could pick it up

at the depot

or pay for redelivery.

The choice is yours.

Good day, sir!

[ Tires screech ]

Ah, there's no way

I'm going to the depot,

and I don't wanna pay

10 bucks for a redelivery.

Well, just lie. Then they'll

have to redeliver for free.

Great idea!

I'll tell them

I'm a ghost

who couldn't open the front door

because I don't have

a physical body

and that they shouldn't

discriminate against me

because of my spirit status.

Or just say the delivery guy

didn't ring the doorbell.

Eh, I like mine better,

but okay.

[ Line ringing ]

Come on, Richard,

what could it possibly be?

♪♪

[ Doorbell rings ]

Uh, Dad!

"You lied"?You know who did this,

right?

Darwin...No, the delivery guy.

Oh, yeah.

How dare you lie

and say I didn't ring

the doorbell!

You have dragged my spotless

reputation through the dirt!

What was once perfect and pure

has been ruined,

like a white dove

wearing hoop earrings.

Listen, dude,

all he wants is his package.

Company policy allows only

three deliveries per item.

You missed

the first delivery,

therefore, you have

two remaining.

Miss them and you'll have

to drag your lazy,

lying butt to the depot!

You monster!

You know how long

the lines are

at the depot.

There's not enough

of my life left.

Oh, what's the matter?

No need to cry about it.

Boo-hoo-hoo-hoo. Boo-hoo-hoo.

Boo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo.

-Uh, I think he means this.

-Sorry, can't do mine.

Love it -- can't do it.

Anyway, the game is on!

[ Tires screech ]

Right! There's no way

I'm missing that delivery again.

Nothing's gonna distract me.

I'm gonna stand right here

until that guy comes back.

Meh, whatever. Meh, whatever.

What the...?

Dad.

Yeah, standing up

was hurting my legs,

and I can't see the TV

from out there.

But you can't see

the delivery guy from in here!

Yeah, I can.

I'll see him in the reflection

in the corner of the TV,

and nothing's gonna distract me!

[ Ice cream truck music plays ]

Ice cream!

[ Giggles ]

No, no, no. Stay strong.

[ Gasps ]

Free ice cream!

Oh, come on, Richard.

You can do this.

[ Marker squeaking ]

"Free ice cream

for Richard Watterson"!

No, I will not under

any circumstances

let this distract me.

Can I have

chocolate sprinkles?

But of course,

Mr. Watterson.

Wait, I know that voice.

No, you don't.

No, I don't.

Come undget it.

Little bit further,

little bit further,

little bit further,

little bit further...

Eh,

we'd better go get him.

Little bit further,

little bit further.

Nearly there.

I think that's far enough.

So, here is your ice cream,

Mr. Watterson!

You?! But how?

[ Laughs ]

Did I not mention

that my brother Hans

has an ice cream truck?

He let me borrow it

since he is in the hospital

with appendicitis.

[ Laughs ]

Just to clarify,

I'm laughing

because of my plan,

not because my brother's

in the hospital.

Anyway,

packages to deliver.

[ Cellphone vibrates ]

Hello?! Ahhh!

[ Doorbell rings]

Oh, nobody home.

That's one delivery left,

Mr. Watterson,

but don't give up...

unless you're chicken!

[ Clucking]

Mm.

Yeah, that's en elephant.

Darwin:

Oh, come on, Mr. Dad!

You've been there

for four hours!

He tricked me out

of that last delivery,

and now there's

only one left.

There's no way

he'll get me again!

[ Telephone rings ]I'll get it.

Delivery Guy: Hello, honey,

this is me, your wife.

You don't sound

like my wife, Nicole.

If you're my wife Nicole,

answer me this.

What's your name?

Nicole?

Hmm, seems watertight.

So, what's up, honey?

I'm in the hospital!

Come quick!

My heart has fallen off.

Quick!

Into the car!

No time to explain!

[ Cackles]

I'm not really his wife.

♪♪

Ahh! Nicole's got a disease

that turns people's skin

into missed delivery slips!

Please,

keep it down!

There are other people

in this ward

trying to pull off cruel

and elaborate pranks, as well!

Aah! He's done it again!

Ah, Mr. Watterson.

Ahh! How do those flowers

know my name?!

It appears you missed

your final delivery,

but I'm willing

to give you a last chance.

Your package will be

at a collection point.

But where, I hear you ask?

Ask me, then!

Oh, I thought

that was rhetorical.

All: Where?

Where can I go

shopping in the rain,

but I don't get wet?

Online!

Oh, yeah, I guess

online works, too.

Well, your package

will be at the Elmore Mall,

where it will remain for the

next four minutes precisely.

Tick tock, Watterson.

[ Cackles]

I'm not really

a bunch of flowers.

Oh, no!

He clamped the car!

Yeah, I don't think

that was him.

Well, I guess we'll have

to get there on foot,

and we've only got

three minutes!

We can do this!

[ All panting ]

We made it!

And only 38 minutes late.

[ Gasps ]

It's empty!

No!

[ Cellphone vibrates ]

You're late, Watterson,

but I'll give you

one more chance

to get your package.

You'll find it

in the building that houses

all the old fossils

that no one

ever goes to visit.

The retirement home!

Oh, yeah, that works, too,

but the package will be

at the museum

for the next five minutes.

Let's go!Dad! No, no!

Why are you letting him mess

with you like this?

Because honest, hardworking,

by-the-book,

set-the-alarm guys

like him always win.

I'm doing this

for the slobs everywhere.

For the guy who orders

the wrong thing online

but is then too lazy

to return it.

Hey, I'm that guy!

For the guy who pays

two cellphone bills for a year

because he can't be bothered

to cancel one of them.

Ha!

I'm paying three!

And for the guy

who can't even be bothered

to finish his sentence.

Hey, I totally...

He thinks he can take

advantage of our laziness,

but today, the lazy man

lifts a finger!

Who's with me?!

-No.

-Ugh, nah.

-Not today.

We're with you,

Mr. Dad!

Let's go get

that package.

Delivery Guy: Elmore Museum --

four minutes.

The toxic waste

disposal site --

three minutes.

The stadium end zone --

five minutes.

The Elmore runway --

six minutes.

The tanning salon.

The sewers.[ Screams ]

The kitten orphanage.

Precious Nathan's

Felt Emporium.

Fabio's Downtown

Doo-Wop Bunker.

The stage at

the Dad Wake Up Awards.

Dad, wake up!

Ah!

I fell asleep

at the DWA's.

How embarrassing!

Dad, wake up!

Ah!

[ Telephone rings ]

Hello? Ready to give up?

You'll never find me,

and you'll never

get your package,

Watterson!

[ Laughs]That's nuts.

Oh, I'm sorry, Dad.

I guess he's won.

Shhhhhhh...

What's he doing?

I think he's deflating.

Did you hear it?

The frying sound.

It's peanut oil

at 180.47 degrees.

There are only three restaurants

that use that kind of oil.

Joyful Burger, but they switched

to lard substitute

because it was cheaper.

Sloppy John's

Filthy Burgers,

but they were shut down

because of that

whole rat-burger incident.

That only leaves that diner

next to the pet cemetery,

but they shut that down

seemingly for no reason.

This doesn't make

any sense!

Wait!

Unless it isn't a restaurant.

It's a food truck!

Diagnosis Burger

on the interstate!

But I'll never

get there in time!

You will, Dad. You just need

to trust your inner slob.

[ Laughs ]

That's weird. He hung up

after he said, "That's nuts."

Yeah, peanut oil!

I cook with it for years.

Watterson couldn't know

just from the sound of...

Did you say Watterson?

That guy's my best customer.

He even comes

on vacation with me.

Well, if he comes by here,

keep it zipped,

understand, zipped!

Ahh, what am I even

worrying about?

He'll never find me.

He's too lazy.

No, that's not possible!

Deliver me.

♪♪

No!

[ Engine sputtering ]

Come on!

Come on!

Yeah!

Hmm...

-My package!

-Nein!

That package is still the

property of the U.S. mail,

and it's going back

to the depot where it belongs.

I just realized

you're still in my truck.

Get out.

I win! You lose!

Good day, sir!

[ Laughing ]

[ "Ode to Joy" plays ]

♪♪

[ Laughing ]

♪♪

Ah! But your p-package

is still at the depot.

Yeah, I just ordered

the exact same thing.

Seemed like less effort.What?

Rather than going

to collect your package,

you bought the same thing

all over again?

How could you get

any lazier?!

I'll tell you how.

My son thought of the idea

'cause I couldn't be

bothered.

That d-d-doesn't mean

you've won!

Actually, it does.

Good day, sir.

Nooo!

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