05x09 - The Slide

[bunniefuu]

I just don't understand the concept! Shouldn't we have covered everything during the school day?
Homework is like going to the bathroom and then coming back with a doggy bag! Fill out a form and put it in the suggestion box?
Oh.

I get it.

You think I'm too lazy to go through the administrative motions?
Well, just watch me.

Where do I file a complaint about the suggestion box?
Please post it in the complaint box.

And where's that?
Homework complete.

He's got his homework done in 2.

4 seconds when it's gonna take us two
-point
-forever! People say your school days are the best years of your life.

That's like a guy stuck in a sausage grinder saying it's okay when it was only his fingers caught in the machine! What are you talking about?
Sometimes I wish I could just go straight to the end of the process.

What, like going full sausage?
No, just be an adult already! Yeah, but then you have to get a job and file your taxes, and pay your taxes, and understand taxes No, I mean, I just want to skip the whole hassle of life.

You get it, right, Bobert?
Computing request.

I just want to skip the whole hassle of life.

Command integrated.

Terminating Gumball's life.

Could you take things any more literally?
! Computing negative.

My processor cannot take things any more literally.

He didn't actually mean it.

Like, what would you do if someone asked you to give them a hand?
All right, stop! Bobert's really dangerous.

He's a potential k*lling machine! We should set him some rules.

I mean, think of the danger he represents for himself and others for society, for animals.

Think of the children, Darwin the precious children.

The children! This is just some thinly
-veiled excuse to avoid doing your homework, isn't it?
Yep.

Ah! Thank goodness! I was looking for one, too.

Shall we go?
Yeah, come on, let's bounce.

Command integrated.

Okay, let's set Bobert some simple rules so he can't hurt anyone.

Bobert, as a rule you must never raise your hand against anyone.

Command integrated.

How do we know it worked?
Bobert, try to hurt Gumball.

Ow! What was that?
! Directive followed.

No hand was raised during the hurting process.

Okay, you're not allowed to raise any part of your body to hurt anyone.

Command integrated.

Good, now try to hurt Gumball.

Ah, come on, man! Directive followed.

No part of my body was raised during the hurting process.

Okay.

You're not allowed to raise or lower your body to hurt anyone.

Command integrated.

Now, try to hurt Gumball.

Dude, please just Ow! What the?
! Sorry, guys.

Bobert knocked me into last year.

Just do your thing.

I'll wait this one out.

Mm
-hmm.

Okay, you may not move at all to hurt anyone.

Command integrated.

Perfect.

Now try and hurt Gumball.

No, please! Huh.

It worked! Ah, I knew we'd get there in the end! What did you do?
! Directive followed.

I am emitting concentrated radioactive waves.

Well, stop! Wait! Maybe it'll give me some kind of superpow Sorry, carry on.

All right, how's this?
Bobert, you can never hurt anyone in any way or let them be hurt.

Command integrated.

Now, hurt Darwin! There, now everyone's safe.

So?
Still nothing.

He's probably microwaving some part of you that will cause your kids to be born without skin.

Negative.

The directive prevents me from hurting anyone in any way.

Hmm, shame.

Defiantly was your turn to get it in the neck.

Who could hurt such a pretty face?
Hmm! Ha finally! It's not nice when you're the one getting hurt, is it?
Is it really bad?
Wait, it is really bad, isn't it?
Oh, my gosh! He's choking! What are you doing?
! I cannot let anyone get hurt.

In clearing his airways, you may bruise his spinal area.

You do it, then! Negative.

I cannot hurt anyone.

Okay, no rules just save him! Command integrated.

In what manner would you like Darwin to be saved?
It doesn't matter, just pick one! Why on earth would you choose such an undignified method?
! I used a random algorithm in accordance to your command.

Hmm.

Okay, new rule how about you just uphold the law.

It was created by our most brilliant minds so what could go wrong?
Command integrated.

Dude, I said uphold the law! According to the law in New Mexico, females are forbidden to appear unshaven in public.

Seriously?
I mean that is pretty funny, but seriously?
What don't you understand?
Why are you taking everything so lit Ah, where's he gone now?
According to the law in New Jersey, it is illegal to slurp your soup.

In North Carolina, it is illegal to sing off
-key.

Drop your w*apon or I'll have to use mine! Do you have a license for that goatee?
Huh?
! In Massachusetts, goatees are illegal without a license.

Mother, I'm hirsute! Aah! Lollipops are also banned! Bobert, stop it! Obstruction of justice! Bobert destroyed public property.

Engaging penalty.

Bobert committed aggravated as*ault on Bobert.

Engaging penalty.

Stop, stop, stop! Just don't uphold the law.

Command integrated.

Hey! You'll never catch me! Bobert is really dangerous.

I guess science fiction was right, robots are bound to destroy us all.

Analyzing problem.

The most logical solution would be to terminate myself.

Deleting System 32.

Stop it! You're being hysterical! You stop it! You are being illogical.

You cannot just terminate yourself! It is the most rational solution.

Naw! No.

All life must be protected including yours! That's it! Bobert, new prime directive! Protect life at all cost! Command integrated.

Command followed.

All life on earth should be preserved human, animal, insect, even virus.

It works! We did it! Now there's no excuse to dodge our homework.

Scanning for thr*at to life on earth.

thr*at found carbon footprint excessive.

thr*at found alternative transport absurd.

thr*at found levels of packaging unacceptable.

Really unacceptable totally idiotic.

thr*at found calculating cubic meters of methane produced.

thr*at level obscene.

Compiling data.

Primary thr*at to life on Earth detected mankind.

If Bobert's not gonna help us with our homework, there's only one thing we can do.

Do it ourselves?
No, find someone online to do it for us.

Hmm, that's weird there's no Internet.

No, you're saying it the wrong way.

It's pronounced "Kwinoa"! It is pronounced "Keen
-wah"! Kwinoa! Keen
-wah! Fine, I guess we'll have to settle this the new fashioned way! Hmm, that's weird no network.

Me, neither.

Then I guess we'll have to settle this the old fashioned way.

That's weird, I've got no money! Me, neither.

But doesn't that mean Oof! But money made the world go round! Wait, if there is no money, how are we supposed to buy stuff?
! We don't, we just take it.

The foundations of civilization have collapsed! It's every man for himself.

I shouldn't have done that! Oh, no! We're buried under a pile of po
-tah
-toes.

Why you?
! People are tearing each other apart! Call the paramedics, call the fire department, call the police! And the fashion police.


- We need help!
- Request denied! Bobert, you're behind all this?
My analysis identified mankind as the main thr*at to life on this planet.

The rational solution is to accelerate your extinction.

Bobert, I order you to stop.

Order invalid.

You are part of the thr*at yourself.

Terminating conversation in 3, 2, 1 Quick, we have to stop Bobert before he saves the world?
Commencing final extinction in T
-minus 10, 9, 8 You've got mail.

Attachment detected.

Gumball and Darwin.

Illogical life forms cannot attach themselves to e
-mail.

We didn't! But we knew it would distract you! Please, don't make us extinct! We're not all that bad! According to my data, mankind exploits its resources and destroys its environment.

One day, it will colonize space and destroy more environments.

Yeah, but surely in these new environments, we need to grow trees and raise animals so we're preserving life.

Yeah, so we can burn and eat them.

The closest comparison to mankind is a virus.

It must be terminated.

Resuming countdown.

"Mankind is a virus.

" "All life on earth should be preserved, even a virus.

" Even virus.

Mankind is a virus.

Even virus.

That's it! Bobert, you can't destroy mankind because, uh, um, if mankind's a virus, no, uh Never mind.

I've lost it.

Carry on.

Wait! You said all life should be protected, even a virus, so you can't make us extinct.

Extinction protocol conflicts with life
-protection protocol.

Illogical argument detected.

Terminating extinction protocol.

I'm glad that's over.

So how about a little help with our homework!