05x32 - The Best

[bunniefuu]

[ UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS ]

[ UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS ]

So how are you doing
today?

[ CELLPHONE CLICKING,
VIBRATES ]

"Good, thanks."
[ SCOFFS ]

Gumball, you need to make
eye contact with people.

It's how you show them you care
about what they have to say.

- Ugh! Fine.
- Thank you.

Better?

[ HORSE WHINNIES ]

[ CELLPHONE WARBLES ]
Ugh, what?

What are you eating,
anyway?

[ SCOFFS ]
I don't know, food.

That really doesn't look like
a very balanced diet.

What about your greens?

All the animals on this plate
were vegetarian.

You really shouldn't
be eating that.

Too much greasy food is very bad
for your digestive system.

There.

That was really wasteful.

[ GROWLS ]
Fine!

Happy now?!
No!

Now it's been in the trash,
it's way worse for you

than it was
in the first place.

What do you want
from me?!

Please don't talk
with your mouth full.

You increase
the risk of choking by %.

Stop telling me what to d...
[ GAGS ]

[ CHOKING ]

[ GROANS ]

[ BURPS ]

[ SCHOOL BELL RINGS ]

Careful how you hold your pen.
That's how you get a cramp.

[ GRUNTS ]

[ BONES cr*ck ]
[ GASPS ]

[ GROANS ]

[ LAUGHS ]

Miss Simian is
just trying to do her job.

Teachers have feelings,
too, you know?
[ SCOFFS ]

Simian doesn't
have feelings.

[ DOOR OPENS ]
Ms. Simian:
Now, that's not true.

I have bitterness,
I have fury,

and my personal favorite...
Schadenfreude.

Schadenfreude?
What's that?

The pleasure I'll get
from watching you clean
the wall... with this.

I'm telling you, dude,
Carmen's more smug than Anais

when she does
her wiener-dog face.
Her what now?

You know, when she
uses a clever word, and
her face is all like,

"Mm-hmm."
[ LAUGHS ]

CARMEN: Shh!

This is a library.
People are trying to work.

If you work in silence,

your success will make
the noise.

[ QUIETLY ] What... You're
making noise by telling me off!

The only time you're allowed
to make noise in the library

is when you tell
someone else not to make
noise in the library.

So I will permit what you
just said, but nothing else.

By the way, you shouldn't
slouch in your chair. It's
stunting your growth.

[ STAMMERS, SIGHS ]
See what I mean?!

I think she's got
a point.

[ CREAK! HISS! ]

Anyways, she's just trying
to help you be a better person.

Exactly,
she's raising the bar!

Which is totally unfair
for someone like me,

who liked the bar
exactly where it was.

It's only
constructive criticism.

She wouldn't go around
body-shaming people

or mocking people
for being old,

so why is it okay to go after me
because I'm wrong?!

She's wrong-shaming me!

Uh, uh...

Actually, it totally sounds
like a legit cause

when you add
the word "shaming" at the end.

I'm gonna give her
a taste of her own medicine.

Three smug-jections per day,
two doses of patron-icillin,

and one curt-esy colonic.

[ BRAKES HISS ]

[ GRUNTING LIGHTLY ]

Oh, uh, please, sir,
you can have my seat.

GUMBALL: Aha!

[ SQUEAK! SMACK! ]

Busted!
What?

[ MOCKINGLY ] Don't you think
it's pretty age-ist

to offer Marvin your seat?

Surely the fact
he's so old means he's had

way more experience standing up
than everyone else.

I got steel plates
in my legs.
See?

He's got legs of steel.
Aah! Aah!

I'm not sure
that's what he meant.
Aah!

Oh, so what gives you
the right to decide... Oh.

Aah! Aah! Ohh!

Okay, so, heating the copper
should oxidize the...

You know what
your problem is, Carmen?

You're not even doing
an experiment.

You're just following orders.
Where's the innovation?

How can we be expected
to discover new elements

if you're so concerned
with "playing by the rules"?

Uh, I'm pretty sure there
are no more elements

left to be discovered,
Gumball.
[ CHUCKLES ]

You're forgetting
the element of surprise.

Wait, what did you put
in your beaker?

A dash of the unexpected,
a drop of the unforeseen,

and a pinch
of the unpr-r-redictable.

[ ECHOING, DISTORTED ]
Gumball!

I take back everything I said.
You're a genius!

Thank you, giant, melted,
poodle-meatball thing.

[ SCREECHING ]

You're right,
my disgusting friend.

This warrants
a celebratory boogie.

[ DANCE MUSIC PLAYS ]
♪ Do, do-do ♪

♪ Dooga-dooga-dooga,
do-do-do ♪

[ SMOKE ALARM BEEPING ]
[ BURPING RHYTHMICALLY ]

[ DRAMATIC TONES PLAY,
COMPUTER WARBLING RAPIDLY ]

Uh, what's going on here?

He asked me to plug him
into Ranblur.

Ranblur?
What is that, a website?

It's more like
a bare-knuckle fight

to see who's the most
tolerant person on the Internet.

Why? Isn't tolerance
about being philanthropic?

Hm-hmm.
[ LAUGHS ]

What?
Just thinking
about wiener dogs.

But, yeah, no, tolerance
on the Internet these days

is more about destroying people
in an argument.

[ GASPS ]
I know tongue-fu.

Show me.

[ THUMP! ]

[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]

[ NORMAL VOICE ] Have you ever
tried whole-grain bread?

It's far better for you.

Not everyone can afford
organic stores, Carmen.

Maybe you should check
your privilege.

[ ALL SHOUT ]

[GASPS] I just meant that eating
too much processed food

is a big factor
in weight gain and...
And what?

Big people shouldn't be proud
of who they are?

Uh, no!
Of course not!

I mean, ask your doctor,
and he will tell you...

"He"? Why would you assume
the doctor was a he?

Is it because you assume
a woman can't be a doctor?!

Aah!
[ GASPS ]

[ SHAKILY ]
What is this?

I have studied the martial ways
of the social-justice warrior.

Fight me in an argument,
if you dare.

Perish under the sword
of my self-righteousness.
[ ENERGY WARBLES, RINGING ]

But, Gumball,
exploiting those powers

to win some petty argument
will just hurt the cause

of the people
who really need our help.

[ RINGING STOPS ]
Wait, no... my powers!

Instead of fighting,
why don't we just hug it out?

Wait! Stop!
What are you doing?

I forgive you.
No!
[ BIRDS CHIRPING ]

The shame I've cast...
It's all coming back at me!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!

And I can't even be angry
about it.

[ HINGES CREAK,
COMPUTER BEEPS DISCORDANTLY ]

[ DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS ]

[ GRUNTS ]
Ninja!

[ KEYBOARD CLACKS,
COMPUTER BEEPS, MOUSE CLICKS ]

- Why are you even doing this?
- I owe it to our classmates

to expose Carmen
as the hypocrite she is,

and humiliate her
in front of everyone at school.

Then, we'll see
who's the best person.

Okay, first, you're the only
person who's exposed right now.

Oh, yeah.
Sorry.

I meant exposed as the
bad person in this scenario.

And secondly
you're wasting your time.

You won't find
any dirt on her.

I thought you came here
to help me.

Yeah, to help you realize
you're wrong.

You need to stop hearing
only what you want to hear.

You're right,
victory is near.

[ COMPUTER BEEPS ]
[GASPS] No way!
What?

Carmen used to lead
quite the thug life.

Look at this...
Truancy, fights, cheating!

[ GASPS ]
Oh, no.

Graffiti, dude...
It's on the wall.

The police don't go around
drawing toot bubbles

on a crime scene.
No, wait, look, look, look!

This is the video
of her getting expelled

from her previous school.

Police forcibly removed
a local girl who had been

expelled from Franklin
Junior High this morning.

She was horrible.

She kept disrespecting me,
making fun of my face,

saying things like,
"Hey, Blurry McBlurrerson,

if you were a movie, you
would be a pirate screener."

[ GASPS ]
Here she comes!

[ SIREN WAILS ]
[ GRUNTING, SCREAMING ]

[ DRAMATIC TONE PLAYS ]
What are you doing?!

I'm gonna up load this

and message everyone we know
to watch it.
What?! No!

[ BOTH GRUNTING ]

But why?
Because it's evil,
and she turned her life around!

She's only trying
to help you be a better person!

And so what if she's
a little smug about it?

Just continue fighting while
I come up with a valid argument!

[ BOTH GRUNT ]

Aah!

[ KEYBOARD CLACKS,
MOUSE CLICKS ]

[ COMPUTER BEEPS ]

[ DRAMATIC TONES INTENSIFY ]

Oh, dagnabbit! You're right.
She doesn't deserve this.

There you go.
Now you're being the better man.

Come on.
Let's get out of here.

[ MOUSE CLICKS,
COMPUTER BEEPS, WHOOSHES ]

[ DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS ]

BOTH: Aah!

How many people did you send
that video to?!

What do you mean
I sent it?

Well, there's always
more than one person to blame.

Like, if there was
a car accident,

who's fault is it,
the guy who ran a red light,

or the Mesopotamian dude
who invented the wheel?

Whatever!
We sent it to everyone we know!

We got to stop them
from watching it!

[ CELL PHONE CHIMES, VIBRATES ]

[ GLASS SHATTERS ]
[ SIGHS ]

[ CELLPHONE CHIMES, VIBRATES ]

[ GLASS SHATTERS ]
That was from Gumball.

That was from Darwin.

That was from Penny.
That was from Carry.

[ SLAP! ]

What the...

[ GRUNTING ]
[ CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! ]

[ HORN HONKS ]

[ CRASH! ]

What sort of phone is that?
Can you even watch videos on it?

What's a phone?

I use this here thingamajig
to smarten out folks

with flared pants
and colorful knit wear.

My papa says their
activity is gonna bring
'bout the apocalypse.

[ SIGHS ]

[ SQUIRRELS CHATTERING ]

[ CHIMES ]

[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLES ]

[ SOMBER MUSIC PLAYS ]

[ CELLPHONE CHIMES, VIBRATES ]

[ GASPING ]

[ GRUNTING ]

[ GASPING CONTINUES ]
Nah, never mind.

[ CELLPHONE VIBRATES ]
FEMALE VOICE: You have mail.

Hey, Queri, read my e-mail.
[ CELLPHONE CHIMES ]

Hey, Queri,
divide zero by zero.
[ CELLPHONE CHIMES ]

FEMALE VOICE:
Dividing by zero.

[ GASPS, SCREAMS ]

[ CELLPHONE CHIMES, VIBRATES ]
Ah.

[ WIBBLE! WIBBLE! WIBBLE! ]

[ WOBBLE! WOBBLE! WOBBLE! ]

[ AIRPLANE ENGINES ROARING ]

[ CELLPHONE CHIMES, VIBRATES ]

[ GASPS ]
What the...

Oh, dagnabbit!
She was the last one!

No, she wasn't.
What about Alan?

[ GASPS ]

What?
It seemed neater.

Hey, Carmen.
I'm... so sorry.

No one should ever have seen
that video.

Well, I've seen
the video, Gumball.

Oh, really?

Yes. and I'm glad
it's out there.

Wow. Th...
But, okay, wow. I...

Thank you
for not being angry, I guess.

Oh, I used to be angry,

back when I was
at Franklin Junior High.

But I worked hard
to improve myself.

I hope you get there, too,
one day.

Aww, that's... D...
Wait. What?

And just one more word
of advice...

If your gonna upload yourself
to the Internet,

maybe wear some pants.

[ CELLPHONE CLICKING RAPIDLY ]