06x16 - The Parents

[bunniefuu]

Now! Huh?

Ow.

Ow! Hyah! Why can't we just have one treat?

Because it's the end of the month, and I work a dead

-end job where I get paid peanuts.

That's not a figure of speech, by the way.

Then why are we even here?

Because I asked for an advance on my next quarter, and they said, "Yes.

" Great! I know a place where we can get a full shopping cart for 25 cents.

It's called the 1860s.

But not if you're shopping for a good deal.



- What's she doing?



- Sniffing out a bargain.

Your mom's family always had this super ability to save money.

I mean, she had a bowl haircut until she was 6, but her parents didn't want to wear down a good bowl, so technically, she had a "doing a handstand in a pothole" haircut.

Aisle 13.

Ha

-ha

-ha! Corned beef.

"This can can be opened by women of reasonable intelligence with limited male supervision"?

Well, they're from the '60s, but look, only 20 cents for the whole pallet.

I guess times were easier then if you were a man and not a minority and were comfortable with the constant thr*at of nuclear annihilation.

Ha, how things have changed, huh?

Mm Yeah.

Hey.

Hey! This is our food for the next month.

Back off, lady! We saw it first.

I grabbed it first! Just leave it already.

It's ours! Dad?

Mom?

Oh, I can't believe it! Yeah.

You'd think that finding a tooth in this can would've put me off, and yet

-

- I meant how could you kids invite them to the house?

Because we deserve it, Mom.

Think of it as a gift to us.

True.

I can't deny you the right to know your grandparents just because of a grudge.

What?

No! I meant that they owe us hundreds of Christmas presents.

I really thought I raised my children better.

Yeah, you're right.

I'm sorry.

We'd profit much more if they bought one awesome, huge, lump present instead of a bunch of crummy ones.

Come on.

Let's give this another chance.

Okay.

Just promise me you'll be good this time.

I can't just promise that.

Why won't you open up?

There's so much bad history between us.

I mean, we stopped talking over 20 years ago.

Why are you always so hard inside?

I guess it's a way to protect myself, but you're right.

I'll try my best to be open.

Thank you, Richard.

Uh anytime?

The atmosphere is so thick you could cut it with a Kn*fe.

What?

Oh, hang on.

I said, "The atmosphere is so thick you could cut it with a Kn*fe.

" Maybe I'll join them and try to lighten the mood.

Hey, how about a joke?

I like my coffee the way I like jokes about the way I like my coffee.

I don't.

Wow, that's the second worst that joke ever went down.

It's not you, son.

They just blame each other for what happened between them, but no one really knows whose fault it is.

It's like "potato," "potart

-wah.

" Who's to say which is wrong?

There's only one way to find out.

Of course.

A backyard royal rumble.

Last one standing gets to name the vegetable.

I mean we ask Mrs.

Mom, Grandpa Daniel, and Granny Mary to air their issues, and we'll decide who's in the wrong.

And then we

-

-It's pronounced "potato," and no one's doing a Canadian Destroyer off a shed in the backyard.

Oh Okay, I'll start.

You have always been disappointed in me.

Only because we loved you.

No! Because you always had insane expectations for me.

Like how you made me wear those ridiculous clothes my whole life.

In life you have to dress for the job you want.

Don't you think you started a little early?

Congratulations to both of you.

It's a CEO?

Well, you were hardly easy yourself.

Remember that finger painting you did for Mother's Day?

Hmm?

Ah.

Well, maybe it all comes back to the stupid name you gave me.

Uh, what's wrong with "Nicole"?

"Nicole" is my middle name.

My first name is "Doctor.

" Oh, it's all very funny until someone shouts, "Is there a doctor in the house," and your parents say, "Yes.

" Turns out people choking on a chicken wing rarely stay conscious long enough to enjoy the punch line.

But we only wanted the best for you.

What?

Like the time I needed a blood transfusion and you gave me the wrong blood type?

Why settle for B

- when you can have A+?

Nothing was ever enough! You forced me to join a gazillion after

-school clubs.

We gave you every possible chance to succeed.

Yeah! All at the same time! Ha! That's a foul, Doctor Nicole.

Why?

It wasn't a karate match.

It was a drama

-club rehearsal of "Madame Butterfly.

" Ha! That was the karate.

What kind of childhood was that?

I was only eight years old.

Well, at that age, I was already 10.

See?

That's your problem.

You always let your anger get the better of you.

I spent years fixing the consequences of your outbursts.

Oh, please! There's nothing a child can break that can't be fixed with a bit of duct tape.

What about the time you kicked the neighbor's car?

Come on, I wasn't that bad.

You kidding me?

You landed a kid in the hospital.

Literally.

Not to mention the time you stole our car to see your boyfriend and landed in court.

Guilty! Oops.

Again, literally.

What else was I supposed to do?

You always disapproved of Richard.

You never thought he was good enough for me.

That's not true.

Really?

Still trying to set me up with some banking dweeb?

No offense, but we always thought she could do better than a slacker with a dead

-end job who got their pants at the Army surplus store in the parachute aisle.

How dare you! My wife's behind is so small only bats can hear her toot.

I meant you.

Then joke is on you.

I don't have a job.

But did you really have to walk out like that?

I left because there was no point in trying to fix something that was beyond repair.

I wanted to start over and create something better.

Us too, but we were too old to have another chiiiild

-

- We have a dog now.

You never even came to our wedding.



- We did.

We went to Rsvp.



- What?

On your invite, it said, "Rsvp.

" No, Mom.

It said, "RSVP.

"

- Oh, right.

Well, we went to the town of Rsvp in Moldavia.

I was the only woman in the region.

Everybody tried to marry me, even a dog.

Like I said, we have a dog now.

Wait, is that why you sent Richard and I divorce papers for our first anniversary?



- No, that was because you sent me retirement

-home leaflets for my 50th birthday with glitter! Well, that's because you tried to ship Richard to Guatemala! No, that was after you took power of attorney over us and got us committed for six weeks! No, that was after you paid for our honeymoon, but replaced Richard with a neurosurgeon.

Well, that was after

-

- After Uh Uh Mm.

I don't remember.

Me neither.

Then why are you still angry at each other?

Why can't you just make peace?

We were at peace, Darwin, separately.

Okay.

I know this is the cheapest, dirtiest kind of emotional manipulation, but there's too much on the line here, so 10,000 reasons to give up Too many words that piled up I think we should go.

But you refuse to try and mend Your broken past before the end Your heart's too hard to understand That sands of time slip through your hands And no excuses can erase The scars of time left on your face If it's too hard to forgive Then just give Let go of the weight that won't let you live Why keep playing this sad game Of who should really take the blame?

The memories will fade away They're growing further every day You want the stream to change its course Before it floods you with remorse You only need to hit the brakes To free yourself of your mistakes If it's too hard to forgive Then just give Let go of the weight that won't let you live Nicole, I

-

-Look, I don't want to hear your excuses.

I just want you guys back.

Mm, mm, mm

-mm, mm Mm, mm, mm

-mm, mm Well done, Gumball.

You really summed up their relationship with each other and helped them reconnect.

What's that now?

You know, "If it's too hard to forgive, then just give.

" Pfft! That wasn't about them.

That was about the Christmas presents they owe us.

Aah!