04x15 & 04x16 - The Uploads/The Apprentice

[bunniefuu]

[ Upbeat music plays ]

[ Mouse clicks ]

[ Keyboard clacking ]

Darwin: don't do it!

I just need one,
man.

Just one video.
Just let me hit one.

No! You'll end up disappearing
down the elmore stream hole.

There's no knowing
how many precious hours

You'll lose
watching idiotic online videos.

So just back away
from the p.c.

Don't come any closer!

I'll do it!
I'll click!

Don't!

[ Sighs ]
just stay calm.

Take your hands
away from the keyboard.

[ Whimpering ]

Now slowly walk away
from the computer.

[ Whimpering continues ]

Now, turn around.

Nice and easy.

Don't!
You got too much to live for!

You got family, right?
Uh-huh.

You got friends, yeah?
Uh-huh.

You got a girlfriend,
too.
[ Whimpering ]

Then why waste your life online
like this?!

[ Crying ]
I've gone too far.

It's too late for me.
It's too late.

It is never too late
to choose life...

Instead of the internet.

Just drop the mouse.

[ Breathing rapidly ]

You got too much
to live for!

Drop the mouse!
Drop the mouse!

Drop it! Drop it now!
Drop it!

Okay, okay!

[ Distorted ] noooooo!

[ Mouse clicks ]

Well,
I guess one's okay.

"William exam fail."

ha! Check this out.

Woman: you can turn over
your test paper now.

oh, sorry,
william. Here.

[ expl*si*n ]

[ Glass shatters ]

Darwin:
okay, just one more.

[ Mouse clicking ]

dah, hello!

today I'll show you how to get
rid of those pesky blemishes.

dah!

first,
you need a little foundation.

[ bottle squirting ]

[ grunting ]

aaaaah!

good. Now detract from the
blemishes, accent your eyes.

[ screams ]

now, as a distraction from
your big eyebrows, big eyes!

[ laughs ]

finishing touch -- lipstick!

[ humming ]

so, there it is, guys.
makeup can fix everything.

but remember
that real beauty lies within.

aaaaah!

[ Both laugh ]

[ laughs ]

i was nominated
by my friend gumball

for the ice bucket challenge
to be on --

Man: communication error.
[ alarm blaring ]

you are not friends
with gumball.

[ chuckles ] to be honest,
i think it's better to just

Give to the cause without doing
the challenge, but --

logic error.
why are you doing it, then?
[ alarm blaring ]

what's the harm
in having a little fun

while helping others?

anyway, the knowledge
that I'm doing my bit

for those less fortunate
than me will keep me warm.

negative --
altruistic aid of others

will provide
zero insulation.

okay, you know, bobert,

sometimes you can be
a little too literal, you know?

just pour the ice bucket,
please.

i nominate tobias,
darwin, and --

...tobias, darwin, and --

...darwin, and --

...darwin, and --

...darwin, and --

...darwin, and --

[ distorted ]
...darwin, and --

Gumball: oh, hey!
What about "game review!"?

Man: every journey is
a circle turning in squares.

[ Mouse clicking ]

but you can't square
the circle.

you can only run.

run back to you, back to me,
back to us.

outside of everything.
inside of nothing.

infiniternity by --

all right, all right!
you can skip now!

man!

okay, hi. This week,
i'm reviewing this game

i found was part of
my computer.

It's not as good as minesweeper
or solitaire,

but it's worth a sh*t.

okay, so, I'm just
loading up the game now.

[ slurps ]

okay, it's called
cal-cu-la-tor.

um, you take a character

and you pick up
a pair of binoculars

and you spot the treasure
marked by the "x," obviously.

[ chuckles ] but be careful

because as soon as you get
the treasure,

there's this snake thing.

but it's okay
'cause you can pick up the a*

or the bow or the arrow
and k*ll it

then see what you got.

hey, I got a new high score!
[ slurps ]

one criticism I have is that
there's no female characters,

But there's no male characters,
either, so it's okay, I guess.

um, there's a couple of little
glitches with certain commands,

like if I try to use
the arrow with the balloon,

see what happens?

[ expl*si*n ]

so, yeah, pretty good game.
/ . Would play again.

Gumball: ah! Ah!
"Gorilla vs. k*ller whale"!

[ up-tempo music plays ]

[ Groans ]
trolled.

hey, this is tobias wilson,

and this prank is called
the rise and shine.

[ imitates electric guitar ]

yeah!

okay, it's : a.m.,

and my dad is about
to get up for work.

but I put a skateboard
at the bottom of the stairs.

shh!
let's see what happens.

wha? Ohh!
woman: what the...?

aah! Honey!
we're being robbed!

[ alarm blaring ]
[ screaming ]

police,
we have an intruder. Yes.
ow!

he's probably
armed and dangerous,

and he's wearing
a rap-music hat.

it's me. This is a prank.
you just got tobias'd!

[ laughs ]

[ alarm stops ]
of course!

well, that makes this terrible
ordeal funny all of a sudden.

[ both laugh ]

i thought my family was in
mortal danger, but it wasn't.

[ laughter ]

you're grounded.

[ sighs ]

this is extreme pranking
with tobias --

aah!
[ siren wailing ]

[ Mouse clicking ]

Gumball: what? "The amazing
world of gumball" movie trailer?

Darwin: click it.

[ Mouse clicking ]

[ up-tempo music plays ]

[ Groans ]

[ Mouse clicking ]

[ Sitar strums ]

welcome to
"a little moment of calm"

with me -- mr. Small.

Oh, I really should have called
this "small moment of calm."

Anyway, un-clench your chakras,

and I'll demonstrate
using my new cd,

now available in
gas stations and supermarkets.

[ Coughing ]
in the bargain bin.

Open your chest and relax.

Breathe in.
Breathe out.

Breathe in.
Breathe out.

B-breathe out.

B-b-breathe out.
[ exhaling ]

B-b-breathe out.

B-b-breathe out.
B-b-breathe out.

[ exhaling continues ]

B-b-breathe out.
B-b-breathe out.

B-b-breathe out.
B-b-breathe out.

B-b-breathe out.

[ whimpering ]
b-b-breathe out.

B-b-breathe out.
E-enjoy your new body.

After all,
yoga is a form of rebirth.

Namaste.
[ gasps ]

I'll need to bleach
my eyeballs after that.

I think we need
some cuteness now.

[ Groans ]

[ up-tempo music plays ]
oh, come on!

[ Gasps ] ooh!
"Epic fail."

aah!

[ laughs ]
did you see that?

[ laughs ]

That's the first one
of those

I've seen
that was actually epic.

Darwin: [ sighs ]
what's joe done now?

[ Up-tempo swing music plays ]

♪ i say ba-nah-na ♪

♪ and I say ba-na-na ♪
♪ ba-nah-na ♪

♪ ba-na-na ♪
♪ ba-nah-na ♪

[ scat singing ]
♪ i say ba-nah-na ♪

♪ and I say ba-na-na ♪

♪ ba-nah-na ♪
♪ ba-na-na ♪

♪ ba-nah-na ♪
♪ ba-na-na ♪

♪ ba-nah-na ♪
♪ ba-na-na ♪

[ scat singing ]
♪ yeah ♪

Gumball:
dude, we're getting too deep.

Darwin:
then stop clicking.
I can't.

[ breathing deeply ]

He's not doing anything.

Nah, just wait for it.
He's got to do something.

Dude, this is creepy.

Shh! Just wait for it.

[ Breathing stops ]

Oh.
I guess it was noth--

[ up-tempo music plays ]
[ screams ]

[ Banging ]
stop banging your face
on the keyboard!

You might click another!
[ Sighs ] too late.

[ imitating electric guitar ]

♪ yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

i put a skateboard
at the bottom of the stairs.

i put a skateboard
at the bottom of the stairs.

[ voice skipping ]

[ high-pitched mumbling ]

Ohh! We're getting sucked
into the bottomless pit

Of elmore stream.

You need to stop.

I can't. I can't.

I have to watch it.
I have to watch it all.

[ rattling ]

[ singing sustained note ]

woody, fetch.
[ dog barking ]

[ screaming ]

[ bugle call plays ]

[ indistinct shouting ]

[ kazoo and cello play ]

revenge!

[ up-tempo music plays ]

[ screaming ]

[ screaming ]

[ screaming ]
[ farts ]

"Ten hours of saxophone
chi-hoo-hah"?

Oh, thank goodness for that.
It's not loading.

I think we're done.

See?
We weren't here that long.

[ up-tempo music plays ]

Good luck
with the presentation, dad.

Ugh, stupid tie.

Where's it supposed to go?

I don't even have a neck.

Ugh.

Ah, that's better.

Come on, fitzgerald.

Go get that contract.

I can't do it.

I'm a loser,
a pathetic goober.

I'm a useless [babbles]

[ Smack! ]

No. You're the man.

% Nut.

% Nuuuuuttt!

What are you doing here?
Shh.

There, there, now,
mr. Fitzgerald.

Or should I say dad?
No, you shouldn't.

Now, I know you don't think of
me as good son-in-law material,

And that's
why I'm here --

To prove that I'm worthy
of your daughter.

Come on, challenge me.
Challenge me, patrick!

I don't have time
for this today.

I've got a very important
meeting in minutes,

So I hope you'll understand.

Understand what?

Oh!

[ Tires squeal ]

[ Breathes deeply ]

Aah!

[ Grunts ]

[ Panting ]

Aah!

Ah-ah -- wha --
huh -- heh.

[ Breathes deeply ]

Are you testing
my perseverance?

Aah!

Actually,
you know what?

[ Car alarm chirps ]

[ Keys clatter ]

Aah!
What the -- how?

You lock cars to stop
people from getting in,
not getting out.

Oh, yeah.
And it's
a criminal offense

To leave a child
unaccompanied in a vehicle.

Ha. I think that's
pretty low down on
the cops' list of priorities.

Were you about to leave a minor
unaccompanied in a vehicle?

Ugh. No.

He's just going home.

unaccompanied?

[ Sighs ]

[ Telephone rings ]

What do you want?!

The chance to prove that I'm
the right man for you daughter,

And if you won't test me,
then I'll test myself.

Like, um, my love for penny
is as strong as my arms.

[ Straining ]
hmph.

Yeah!
[ Joints cr*ck ]

See? I win!

Wait, that means
I lost, too.

Wait, patrick, hold on.

Hi. I have a :
with the c.e.o.

Okay.

And, uh, who is this?

Oh. [ Chuckles ]

What are you doing?
Proving my flexibility.

'Cause you know
what happens

If you're not flexible
in a relationship?

It breaks.

Sir?
Ah! Yes.

He's my...
Uh...apprentice.

He follows me everywhere
quietly

And never does anything
embarrassing.

Okay, well,
he needs to sign in, too.

And so the apprenticeship
begins,

Learning from
the man himself.

I think
I'm gonna be sick.

Wait -- this is the perfect
chance to protect you

In a vulnerable situation.

Commencing operation
peanut butter.

Sir, it may not be safe.
I'll go in first.

[ Crash! ]
Clear!

[ Crash! ]
Clear.

[ Crash! ]
[ Man screams ]

All clear.
You are good to go, sir.

Operation peanut butter
is a success. I repeat --
operation --

Could you please
just stop saying that?
Sir, yes, sir.

Would you like me to keep the
door open to ensure your safety?

No!

Actually, maybe you could
just run some water.

It's my genes, isn't it?
What now?

You're worried that
my dna isn't good enough

For your grandchildren.

What are
you talking about?

Well, you see, patrick,
dna is the molecule

That contains
the genetic code of life.

It programs everything
in your body,

Whether you're tall,
small, or crawl.

Whether you're a bat,
a rat, or a cat,

Dna is inherited
from your parents.

Okay, I admit, I am worried
about your father's genes.

I heard he ended up
in the hospital last week

'Cause he wanted to know
what lightning tasted like.

But you can't do anything
about your dna.

Can't you?

Whoa!

[ Hisses ]
aah!

Aaah!

[ Elevator bell dings ]

[ Screeching ]

I'll, uh...

Take the next one?

No, I was gonna say

I'm gonna wear my eyes the other
way around and bleach my brain.

Okay.

[ Muffled screaming ]

[ Elevator bell dings ]

Morning.

Good morning, sir.

So, uh...to begin
at the beginning.
[ Chuckles ]

I have an exciting development
opportunity for your company.

Ooh.

Ahh.

[ Laughs ]

He's acting like
he's on television,

But he's actually in
an important business meeting.

[ Laughs ]

Um, maybe I should
just cut to the chase.

I would like to present
to you the --

Dyoo! Vroom.

[ Laughs ]

He's trying to help,

But he's making you
look like a fool.

[ Laughs ]

I would like to present
to you the new --

[ Fire extinguisher hisses ]
[ laughs ]

The new elmore hospital.

Hospital,
hospital, hospital.

[ Laughs ]

Sorry for wasting
your time, sir.

[ Laughing continues ]

You made me look
like a complete goober.

Do you play golf,
mr. Fitzgerald?

Uh...
Yes!

[ Laughs ]

It's like the briefcase itself
is talking.

Please bring
your little apprentice

To the green this afternoon --
he amuses me.

I haven't laughed like this
since my last bailout.

And if we win,
we get the contract?

[ Laughs ]
sure, why not?

A million-dollar
business decision

Based on a game of golf.

[ Laughs ]

[ Button clicking ]

How are we gonna win this?

I don't know
anything about golf.

That's what I'm here for.

Kid, you're driving a golf cart
through the supermarket.

Oh, I never pretended
I know anything about golf.

I'm here
to help you cheat --

Cheat more than
a professional cyclist

Or a baseball player
or football player or a --

Yeah, okay, okay,
I get it.

Just please
don't mess this up.

So it is a trial.
Yes.

If we win this game

And keep the client happy
and get the contract,

Then maybe I'll begin
to trust you.

Can I push you
to a probably?

It's becoming
a possibly.

Then I'll take
the maybe.

[ Crash ]

Gumball:
this is now a decisive sh*t
for patrick fitzgerald.

You can feel the tension
in the air.

A lot is riding
on this sh*t.

And he really doesn't want
to mess it up.

[ In scottish accent ]
absolutely, greg!

Oh, my gosh,
that went everywhere.

[ Laughs ]
he switched commentators'
voices at the worst moment,

Causing you to completely ruin
your swing.

[ Chuckles ]

[ Growls ]
don't worry.
I got this.

Hai!

[ Egg cracks ]

[ Ducks quacking ]

Aah!

He mistook an egg
for a ball

And is now facing the anger
of those two irate birds.

[ Laughs ]

Oh, go on, fitzgerald.

I'm having so much fun,
I'll let you have a second sh*t.

Thank you, sir.

Watch out!

Don't go to your left.

What? The ball's
on the left?

No!
Don't go to the left!

I amon the left!

Go to your left!
[ Laughs ]

He's gonna get hit
by the ball

As a consequence
of this misunderstanding.

[ Conk! ]

And it made coconut sound!

Gumball.
Kid.

Kid, are you okay?

Uh...can you hear
all that cheese?

What?
Pull yourself together.

The ball bounced off
your head

And landed straight
in the hole.

We're two points up.

There's a chance
we could win this thing.

Are you gonna be okay?

Uh...hold on.

Yeah, I think I'm better.

So I can count on you?

Absolutely.

♪

[ Whistle! ]

[ Blows ]

[ Chuckles nervously ]

[ High-pitched ringing ]

[ Glass shatters ]

[ Psychedelic music plays ]

Patrick:
gumball, are you with me?

Yes.
Yes, of course.
Are you sure?

Because my sausage melted

When grand vizier
cracked that artichoke.

Uh-huh.

Do you need me to repeat?
Uh-huh.

We're one point away
from winning.

Make sure this ball
goes in the hole.

Oh.
Well, that's...

Convenient.

[ Vacuum whirs ]

[ Screeches ]

[ Chuckles ]

Mr. Fitzgerald
must lose.
What?

The contract will not be used
for a hospital.

It will be used
to build a new highway

Going straight through
elmore.

It will be our doom.

How do you know all this stuff,
magic frog?

The clue's in my name.

Frog?

Oh, yeah, magic.

But if we lose
the contract --

Shh.

Make your choice.

This is your trial.

[ Pop! ]
[ Gasps ]

Mr. Fitzgerald,
stop, stop!

He's not gonna use your firm
to build a new hospital.

He's gonna use you
to build a freeway

Right through
the middle of elmore.

What? How do you know?
The magic frog told me.

Enough. If you mess this up,
I will never forgive you.

But... [ Sighs ]

[ Chuckles ]

[ Sighs ]

[ Whirring continues ]

Hey, hey!

[ Grinding ]

[ Whistle! ]

[ Growls ]

What have you done?!

C.e.o.: Noooooo!

My nonsensical plan to pretend
to lose this game of golf

To trick you
into signing with me

Without paying attention
to what you had signed

Has been foiled by the beautiful
sacrifice of a child.

You may win now,
but I will have my r--

[ Screams ]

[ Hisses ]

[ Laughs maniacally ]

[ Poof! ]

You lost
that game deliberately,

Knowing you'd lose
my trust forever.

And all for the greater good
of elmore?

There couldn't be a more worthy
person to become my son-in-law.

Come here.

[ Laughs ]
[ fireworks whistle ]

[ Siren wails ]
[ laughs ]

He got knocked out
by the ball,

And while unconscious, he
tripped a whole happy ending

That barely made any sense.

But none of that
ever happened,

And you lost both the game
and the hospital contract,

And it was all his fault.

[ Laughs ]