04x01 - The Three Impossibilities

[bunniefuu]

Yes!

Go!

SHE SCREAMS

MEOW

Mildred. Mildred, look out!

expl*si*n, DOG BARKS

CAT MEOWS, DOG WHINES

Potions lab, quick!

COUGHING

DOG BARKS

Mildred? Millie,
thank goodness you're...

DOG BARKS

Mildred?

Harriet Horsehair, remove those
false warts, immediately.

Miss Cackle, I, Ethel Hallow,

hereby submit my application to be
head girl at Cackle's Academy.

Oh, erm, I've prepared some
supporting material.

A reminder of all I've done
to make up for the brief

lapsing of behaviour at the end
of last year. Thank you, Ethel.

Yours is the first application,
as expected.

Would I be right in thinking that
if no-one else applies...

..the position is mine?

Yes, but the other girls have until
the day's end.

Only fair, Miss Cackle.

She will be worrying about an entry
from Mildred Hubble, no doubt.

Mildred Hubble for our highest
honour?

When Mildred persuaded me
to admit

girls from non-magical backgrounds,
she changed witching for the better.

We all owe her a debt of gratitude.
Do we not?

SHE STAMMERS

CROW CAWS

That is hilarious.
I look nothing like me.

Ooh, have I got one of those
tongues that curl now?

Yes!
DOG WHINES

Sh, Star.
CAT MEOWS

And you, Tabby -
I'm still the same person.

Haven't you read
the latest Witches' Code?

Witches need permission to
alter their appearance.

You can't just change -
it's an instant expulsion.

As in...thrown out?

We need to mix a reversal potion.
What did you use?

I was only doing the
healing potion homework.

I must have picked up
the wrong ingredient. That's good.

Which ingredient?

Haven't the foggiest.
So we'll go for every possibility.

Before sunset? Not likely.

What's sunset got to do with it?

An appearance spell can only be
reversed on the day it was cast.

And if it's not?

Then the old you is gone...

..forever.

Here, I got you these
clothes from lost property.

What if I stick like this? I like
being me. My mum likes me being me.

I just got a really good profile
pic. Why are we even up here?

It's the only thing I can
think of that might undo the spell.

Yes, I knew you'd have a
brilliant idea. Wh...?

It's like I've got the wrong size
shoes on all over.

It must be here somewhere.

The Three Impossibilities.

The what?

Long, long ago, the very first
Miss Cackle set a challenge.

If any witch could complete it,

then any spells cast
that day would be undone.

"If Cackle's Academy you can leap
with a bound,

"if spell you can chant without
making a sound, if..."

..bur-ger-her-ger-er-ger-gound.

Oh, yeah,
the third one's worn away. Ah.

"Then magic shall break
and what's lost shall be found."

How am I meant to complete
three tasks

if I don't know what one of them is?

It's like it's...

..impossible.

Mildred Hubble.

It's just so itchy.

Drink that, I've mixed in a
removal potion.

I could have warned you hair style
spells were difficult.

I haven't even attempted a hair WASH
spell for, well, years.

So itchy! Get your own.

TABLET: Where are you?
There's a coven meeting. Today?

We're in the woods,
you haven't been for ages.

And don't think Fenella hasn't
noticed, because she has.

Fenella Feverfew's not going to miss
US, she's friends with,

like, everyone in the school.

Wait.

Still itchy!

Get yourselves over here, now.

No-one's solved
this in hundreds of years

and she's supposed to do
it in three hours?

MISS HARDBROOM: Mildred Hubble,

report to me at once. Oh, great.
Bring Indigo Moon with you.

Honestly, she blames me for
everything. How can I report to HB?

Don't worry, I'll cover. You can't
let anyone see you like this.

I know who you must be.

Is it that obvious?
Oh, from a mile away!

We-he... Well met,

Ursula Catnip.

Uh... Well met.

Please, thank Miss Pentangle
for letting you come and visit.

Miss...? Oh! Miss Pentangle, yes.

You three, look after Ursula until
the end of school. Yes, Miss Drill.

I'd show you around myself,

but I'm having a flare-up
of my old magic muscle injury.

I can't wait to see what you've
got in store for our athletics club,

though.

AH! Ooh.

It's going to be some display!

I'll deal with HB.

There is nothing I like to hear more

than girls asking what they can do
for their coven.

TABLET CHIMES

Apart from a ping
of a new Zapchat like.

million for designer broomsticks,
are they worth it?

They're all really sorry that
they've missed so many meetings.

Aren't you?

Well, I know exactly
how you can prove it.

I've volunteered
the coven's service to help

one of the girls from
a non-magical background.

Already two weeks into term
and look at her. Hover!

Isabella "Izzy" Jones.

Whoever heard of a witch who
can't fly? Hover.

All you have to do is get
her on a broomstick.

Obviously, if you failed such
a straightforward task,

you wouldn't be able to
show your face in the coven.

SHE SNORTS

But of course it won't come to that.

How am I supposed to jump that?
Magical pole vault?

Can't you just fly?
That would not count as a bound.

Always the instructions with you.

Pity you didn't read
some before you shrunk my cat.

Poor Midnight could be anywhere now,
thanks to you.

You've got a shrinking potion?

Yeah, lots, but making you smaller
won't help, will it?

We're looking at it the wrong way!

Potions five...

..together...

..blend...

..join in power...

..limits transcend.

No, Millie.

With these words I now devise,

shrink my school to tiny size!

Whoa.

Ta-da!

You know you mustn't
strain your magical muscle.

It's not just your physical agility,
it can affect your spell casting,

your flying.
THUDDING

It'll lead you to think strangely.

A giant just jumped over the school.

I see it's already begun.
THUDDING

I insist, Miss Drill, no more sports
until you are fully recovered.

What?!

Miss Cackle, please don't put me
on sick leave.

I wouldn't know what to do without
running and jumping

and shouting at slow people.

We do have other less-strenuous
vacancies to fill,

now that Mr Rowan-Webb
and Miss Bat have retired.

Surely you're not suggesting
I teach spell science, Ms Cackle.

How are you doing that?
New bat-vision app.

RADAR ECHOES

It worked! Woohoo!

A mountain high in sunlight bright,

return what's shrunk
to normal height.

CAT MEOWS

That's where she got to!

Go Mildred, go Mildred!
BOTH: Go Mildred, go Mildred!

Woo! Go Mildred!

Go Mildred! Woo! Go Mildred!

Go Mildred, go Mildred! Mildred?

Oh, Mildred Hubble. What HAVE you
done to yourself this time?

That is Mildred Hubble?

She got wool of bat mixed
with hair of a wolf...

..and boom. Detention, one week.

That's not fair.

I was only playing with Star
while she worked.

The detention is not for your part
in the incident,

it is for lying about the potato.

I assume you have no intention
of revealing her ACTUAL whereabouts,

owing to misplaced loyalty.

Detention.

Two weeks.

To recap, the angle
of elevation should be degrees,

making adjustments for wind
resistance and other variables,

calculating velocity according to
the standard of broom-speed ratio.

Any questions so far?
Um...which end is the front again?

SHE SIGHS

I love that you changed bodies by
accident. That's so Mildred Hubble.

It's SO an expulsion offence.

You won't snitch, Ethel,

unless you want to lose all
support for your head girl campaign.

You'll need it once
I put MY application in.

Come on, how do you chant a spell
without making a sound?

Even IF you solved it, you can't
complete the third impossibility

if you don't know what it is.

My friends are working on that.
Thanks.

I'll be in the history section,
Maud. Got you.

Head girl application?

Thank goodness.
It'd be such a relief to lose.

You don't want to be head girl?

I SAW how it affected my sister,
Esmerelda -

the breakfasts with Miss Cackle,
the speech writing,

the formal chants, cover meetings
left her a complete wreck!

But I'm sure you've
thought of all that.

Best of luck. I hope it's you.

ORGAN PLAYS, FAINT CHANTING

That's no good,
I can still hear that.

How about ear plugs
for everyone in the room?

Mm, that would be most welcome.

Millie, what are you...?
Telepathy spell? Flying to space?

THEY CHAT, MURMUR

Chant in a vacuum?
Fly faster than the speed of sound?

You genius. Sign language!

Little something
I learnt in non-magical school.

Well, come on, it's not chanting
if only one of us is doing it.

ORGAN PLAYS

THEY MOUTH

Yes!

Only one more to go.

I am thrilled to announce

that I will be teaching chanting
for a short - very short - while.

Ursula Catnip,
why aren't you warming up?

Eh, I like to chant before an event.

Helps me relax.

Whatever works, I suppose.

Either way,
you will not be leaving my sight

until after the display,
which you are all free to attend.

Ursula will be giving the athletics
club the display of a lifetime.

Shall we begin?

TO TUNELESS ORGAN: # Onward
Ever striving onward... #

Maud needs a little more time.
I know, but the sun's coming down.

FEEDBACK SQUEALS

Well met, everybody.

I hope you're all
excited about this incredible

display of broomstick acrobatics.

Probably the most challenging
and dangerous of all witch sports.

Dangerous?

It requires great magic skill,
peak physical condition

and absolute control
over every movement.

Oof!
THEY GASP

Luckily we have a fine
young athlete with us

who has qualified for this year's
Witch World Games.

Let's hear it for Ursula Catnip.

CHEERING

And there you have it.

The broomstick ladder,
which Ursula will be climbing

in just a few short minutes.

Now, I'm sure Ursula will be
eager to begin, so...

..Ursula?

Ursula Catnip?

THEY WHISPER

And you are...?

Ursula Catnip. Ah, yes. The acrobat.

Tell me, to compete in your chosen
sport must require remarkable

reflexes and dexterity.

Correct? Oh, absolutely.

Remarkable indeed.
DOOR OPENS

Ursula?

We're all waiting for you.

Erm...
SHE CHUCKLES

SHE SIGHS

Sorry, Millie.

SHE HUMS

# It's my day to... #

"Appearance changing spells".

"Mildred".

SHE GRUNTS, WHISPERING

I'm running out of time.

Come on.

SHE GRUNTS, BREATHES HEAVILY

SHE CRIES OUT, THEY GASP

Oh. Ursula having a bit of fun
there.

Ooh, ooh. Ah!

Ah!

Great sense of humour,
our Witch World Games girls.

Knowing her, the spell will wear off
while she's up there.

She'll change back
in front of everyone.

The spell won't wear off, Ethel.

If it's not reversed by sunset,
it'll stick forever.

Don't tell me you didn't know that.

Well, I... Of course I knew.

Of course. And now, everybody,
we get serious.

Come on, Maud. Where are you?

..as Ursula goes for the very
dangerous broomstick handstand.

ALL CHANT: Ursula, Ursula, Ursula,
Ursula,

Ursula, Ursula, Ursula, Ursula...

Ursula, Ursula, Ursula, Ursula,

Ursula, Ursula, Ursula, Ursula...

SHE SCREAMS, THEY GASP

Get out of it!

SHE SCREAMS

And Ursula has broken
away from her usual routine...

..clearly attempting something very
special. Maud, the sun's going down!

I found this girl
wandering about the corridors.

Her name is Ursula Cat...nip.

WHISPERING

Then who...is that?

SHE SCREAMS

We made these for you.

I know loads of people who
couldn't fly at first.

My sister, Ethel, needed broomstick
stabilisers until she was ten.

Don't tell her I said that.
I'm scared of heights, OK?

Izzy, broomsticks are the
safest mode of transport there is.

I don't even like the top bunk bed.

You think I'm getting up
there on a garden tool?

But thanks.
And thanks for the crumpet.

I think we might as tell Fenella
it's not happening.

Even if she does kick us out.
I don't think it'll come to that.

One crumpet of levitation,

problem solved.
WHIMPERING

Bea, no, she's afraid of heights.

WHIMPERING

Help!

SHE SCREAMS

Did one of you teach her to steer?
HELP!

It's too late.

SHE GRUNTS, SCREAMS

Too late, it's too late!

BUZZING AND TINKLING

SHE CRIES OUT

CHIMING

"If broom you can fly the wrong way
round..." She's doing it!

The Third Impossibility!
You're doing it!

Yes! Who is that?

And why is she attempting
The Three Impossibilities?

HELP!

SHE SHRIEKS

Someone help!

Help!

SHE SCREAMS

SHE SCREAMS

THEY MURMUR

Oh, my. Oh, no, no, no.

CHEERING

She didn't do it long enough.

There is only one person
that could possibly be.

Someone made me
and my broomstick fly!

Come on,
I know some good calming spells.

I demand that the girl
responsible for this comes forward.

Miss Cackle, it was...

All of us.

I shall deal with you later.

THEY EXHALE

Inside, please.

You've brought shame on the
entire coven! You're out!

Well, it could have been worse...

..Mildred Hubble.

You know, Miss Cackle?
Of course she knows,

and you have given her precious
few options as to your punishment.

You destroyed the potions lab
and illegally changed appearance.

The code clearly states...

Ethel caused the whole thing.

That's an outrageous accusation!

She was researching
appearance spells,

she must have switched
Mildred's potion.

She wanted her to change to stop her
applying for head girl.

I never even considered going for
head girl. Ethel, I'd be useless!

You ruin everything I try to do,
Mildred Hubble. Everything.

I mean...

..I-I assume you have proof.
Your theory is convincing, Maud.

But it is only a theory.

MISS HARDBROOM:
It makes no difference.

Like it or not,
an a*t*matic expulsion must be...

Mildred Hubble for head girl.

Mildred Hubble for head girl!

ALL: Mildred Hubble for head girl!

LOUDER: Mildred Hubble for head
girl! Mildred Hubble for head girl!

Mildred Hubble for head girl!
Mildred Hubble for head girl!

Mildred Hubble for head girl...!
Let it go, Hecate.

Whatever she looks like, her heart
is still in the right place.

Mildred Hubble for Head Girl!
Mildred Hubble for Head Girl!

Mildred Hubble for Head Girl!
Mildred Hubble for Head Girl!

TICKING

Well, Ethel Hallow. It seems you
are the only applicant after all.

And so, despite deep misgivings,

it looks as if I will have to
make you the next head...

WAIT FO...! Ah!

In case there were
any doubt that it is she.

I'm applying. You can't.
You're too late.

It is not yet midnight.

Are you sure, Mildred?

It is an arduous process that will
test every facet of your magic.

I'm sure, Miss Cackle.

And, Ethel, whatever stunts
you pull,

whatever tricks or cheats,

I'm going to b*at you.

And do you know why?

Because I am Mildred Hubble.

The familiar auxiliary.

The signature
spell of Gertrude the Great.

This is so cool.
I haven't been invisible for ages.

I call upon the beast inside!

HISSING

Out! Everybody out!