1x06 - The Handmaiden's Tale

[bunniefuu]

[In a shop in New York City]

Jenny: So you, you deliver the dresses and I take the accessories.

Seller (showing ornaments of jewels): You have chosen which one?

Jenny: Oh, no! I'm helping Blair. I am not invited, then we'll see.

Seller (hooking him a bracelet on your wrist): See! In case.

Jenny: Oh!

Seller: We put it on the note of your friend.

Jenny: Oh, uh no, no!

Seller: The girls invited to the ball are our best customers. You will be our model of an evening and you will make us the bracelet after.

______________________________

[In the room of Blair]

Serena: Kati told me about custom corsets, crowns, wigs ... What is this madness?

Blair: This is a masked ball. The goal is that nobody recognizes. But I expected a little something extra for Nate tonight! It's a game, a sort of treasure hunt. It will begin with an index, which will take him to a lady of honor, which will lead to a second index ...

Serena: Wait, wait! You got the ladies?

Blair: If he finds me before midnight, before the masks come off, the treasure is for him!

Serena: And what is it? (Blair a mischievous smile) Oh! Well yes, I'm stupid. Sorry.

Blair: You know, j'me myself that after all that happened, or rather all that is past, I had to do a little effort.

Serena: I find it very romantic B. Really. And if you do not want me to come tonight I would understand ...

Blair: Oh, but it will not! No! You can not not be there. In fact, I want you to give the last index. Will you be my maid of honor?

Serena: What! You really want to be me?

Blair: I see this event as a new beginning. J'te J'lui trust and have faith.

Serena: Well, I'd be more than honored to serve you Majesty!

Blair: Either way you go with Dan?

[In the kitchen of Humphrey]

Dan: A ball?

Rufus (Jenny looking package all required): You knew that your sister's name was Cinderella?

Dan: And I bet your charming half-sister is Blair Waldorf!

Jenny: It's true that she asked me a few services but I'm glad to help.

Rufus: And she has to thank you with a prompt and a dress?

Jenny: I would have deserved. The ballroom, the costumes ... it's gonna be insane! It's weird that Serena you have not mentioned.

Dan: But why? This is not because we went out twice together we are forced to remain glued to each other.

Jenny: Well I must deliver it all. Let me know if you need a tuxedo!

Dan (Rufus just looking at him): Well what! This is a masked ball, she must say that I will find it rather ridiculous, proving that she knows me pretty well.

[In the room of Blair]

Serena: I know! Wait, a masked ball! I know, I know he will find it completely ridiculous. You imagine a wolf and a tuxedo, frankly?

Blair: We adore you! To go out with you would be able to do anything. Even wearing a dress my mother if it is. And then not worry, I'm sure he has nothing planned tonight. Who would ever think to invite this guy?

Serena: You're disgusting! I know. In fact, it might be better if there's masks, as if it y'en high school who hates it and recognize them well.

Blair: Come on, invites Dan Humphrey. That's an order!

[In the kitchen of Humphrey]

Dan: I did not say that I would not. Serena invites me if it would be rude not to give it my company.

Rufus: It would be very cruel!

Dan: But she did not invite me so ...

Rufus: If you want to accompany him, what to do. Be a little daring.

Dan: The festival takes place in a few hours. I have more time to really prepare myself for the idea of being bold.

Rufus (Dan's cell phone ringing): This is Serena?

Dan: Oh no, it's Vanessa!

Rufus: Vanessa! Been a long time. You pick right?

Dan: But if, of course I'll win. (On phone) Hello! Vanessa?

Vanessa (on phone): Winner! It's me.

Dan (on phone): So what's new? It's going to Vermont?

Vanessa (on phone): You always have my book "The Crying of Lot 49"?

Dan (on phone): Uh ... I know.

Vanessa (on phone): Will you check?

Dan (on phone): Uh ... right! It's been over a year that has not spoken, you make me an old book ads!

[In Dan's room]

Dan (on phone): I know where I belong.

Vanessa: Look at the window!

Dan: Vanessa!

Vanessa: Surprise!

Dan: Wow! But I can not believe it!

Vanessa: How are you?

Dan: I can not believe it's great. -What are you doing here?

Vanessa: My parents let me live with my sister that I finish my studies here.

Dan: So that means ...

Vanessa: I came to stay.

Dan: Wow! It is ...

Vanessa: A great new hope?

Dan: Oh yes! Wait it is! Yes, of course. It is still unexpected. This is unexpected news. (His phone rings) Oh!

Vanessa: Go pick up. I'm starving and I can smell waffles. Rufus!

Rufus: Vanessa!

Vanessa: Surprise!

[In the room of Dan / Blair's Bedroom]

Dan (on phone): Serena! Are you okay?

Serena (on phone): Hi! Are you okay? Uh ...

Blair: Go go ahead.

Serena (on phone): Uh ... I actually wanted to know if you had anything planned tonight?

Dan (on phone): Uh ... Tonight? Nah, nah, nah, nothing. Why?

Serena (on phone): Super because I have a night, finally you will surely find it completely sucks, but ...

Dan (on phone): Always try.

Vanessa: Even cooler, these waffles are screaming! The kitchen of Rufus failed me. It's true! Hey Rufus! You got whipped cream?

Serena (on phone): Who was that?

Dan (on phone): Uh ... It is my sister. What-you wanted to tell me?

Jenny (arriving in Blair's room with an armful of bags): Hi, this is me! You want me to ask it where?

Blair: It's good, you can put it all here. (Showing a small table) I left you a different list.

Jenny (taking the list): Ah!

Dan (on phone): Hello! There was someone?

Serena (on phone): Excuse me, uh ... What?

Dan (on phone): Uh, you were going to ask you something.

Serena (on phone): No, uh ... no.

Dan (on phone): Are you sure?

Serena (on phone): No, forget it. Thank you. I must leave you.

Dan (on phone): Oh, okay.

Serena (on phone): Bye.

Vanessa: Well, what do we do tonight?

Serena: I need a partner!

______________________________

[In entry of Archibald]

Howard: Damn, Anne! I thought I said no starch.

Anne Howard! It's been 19 years we're going in the same dyer. Your shirts are ironed as usual. You know it's not that get upset.

Howard: What annoys me is that I want to be perfect for the evening Eleanor. I'm not allowed to make mistakes.

Anne Eleanor knows that you are best placed to introduce his company public, it's you she will choose. Be yourself, it will be fine.

Howard: Well, j't'appelle office, huh. I must reread the offer.

Nate: Mom!

Anne: Oh, Nate!

Nate: Is that-Dad is in trouble?

Anne: Tales of the work, not worry about that.

Nate: Sure.

______________________________

[On the streets of New York City]

Vanessa: Wow! I love New York. Y'avait cinoch one 'and they went to Woodbury as films for kids: "Babysittor" one year showing.

Dan: Well, Vin Diesel has to be funny after all.

Vanessa: I can not make up my mind, there's too many things. I rather prefer that you choose.

Dan (evasively): Yes, as you will.

Vanessa: You, you do not want us to go to the movies? You were perhaps other projects like a wild sex with all the rich kids of your private school waiting their inheritance wisely?

Dan: Yeah, besides the limousine is waiting for me.

Vanessa: Cool! We will tag the tires or even die! So, it makes you weird me being there?

Dan: No, why? Why it would make me weird?

Vanessa: Because. You told me some things when I'm gone.

Dan: Things you immediately asked me to withdraw.

Vanessa: Because j'quittais New York, but now I'm here.

Dan: Yeah, except it's been over a year, you see. It's been a lot of things in a year.

Vanessa: And I hope you'll tell me everything! Tonight? Last meeting? Angelica? Any chick that ...

Vanessa & Dan: Unless sittor Baby!

Dan: Okay, I'll book.

Vanessa: It's cool to see you Humphrey!

Dan: J'te do not say.

______________________________

[In the office of Howard]

Chuck: What is you're looking for exactly?

Nate: Evidence.

Chuck: What? An aversion that your father committed to starch? J'compatis to death, inherit the neck collar. You have asked about the money had disappeared?

Nate: Yes, he told me he had made the transfer of accounts. The next day, everything was normal.

Chuck: Then why you worry? Financial transactions a bit dodgy, parents who yell at ... this is our daily lot. (A packet of drugs from the book falls into the hands of Nate) Chi Chi breaks the coconut! I'm in shock! I thought that you did not use as tea.

Nate: It's not for me.

______________________________

[In the living room of the Waldorf]

Blair: Oh no, but that he takes what Dan Humphrey! Serena acted as if nothing had happened but j'vois although she drools. We need to find him someone.

Kati: But we will not have time.

Isabel: The best ones are already taken this evening.

Blair: Stop you scroll! Serena deserves to get hotter. If he has other plans: he cancels them. If he has a girlfriend: it has dropped. And if it is at the other end of the world, chartered a private jet-it! Not disappoint me.

Interior decorator: Ca you please? (Proposing a hookah)

Eleanor: It is a wonder! Oh!

Blair: Do-it was a bang, mom?

Eleanor: Honey?

Blair: I did not know you was addict!

Eleanor: It's a, a hookah. And it is wonderful. It goes with the Moroccan theme of my evening!

Blair: Why you transform our house into an opium den to celebrate your contract with Bendel?

Eleanor: Why not?

______________________________

[On the streets of New York City]

Blair (on machine): Hi this is Blair! Sorry not to respond to you I'm getting ready for the masquerade ball! So this evening, if you recognize me, which I doubt. Ciao!

Nate (on machine) Hi B. It's me. I, uh ... I really need to talk to you is, this is about my father and, uh ... We must, I wanted to talk to you then call me as soon as you have a second.

______________________________

[In the living room of the Waldorf]

Jenny (laden with parcels): Uh, I think everything is there.

Blair: Thank you're an angel. I do not know what I would have done without you.

Jenny: Nah, it's nothing. I thought it was funny.

Blair: Good! Besides that you learn things. (Seeing the bracelet Jenny) And you seem to learn fast: very pretty bracelet. Vintage, right? Diamonds seem true.

Jenny: That's because they are. The head of the shop lent me.

Blair: Why did he do this? (Jenny embarrassed) Oh my little Jenny! You do still not believe that you were coming tonight?

Jenny: I was hoping for a bit, maybe ... Yeah.

Blair: You know that the graders are not going to a masquerade, it is the rule.

Jenny: Yeah I know but as I saw that there were five dresses ...

Blair: Oh! This is the bare minimum. Think I do a stain or tear my dress!

Jenny: Yeah, sure. I should remember. Have fun tonight!

Blair: It's yes. And not be sad, your time will come, I promise! Well let j'te I must prepare myself.

______________________________

[In Serena's room]

Lily: Do you think Eleanor Waldorf will find this place enough folk? I have a doubt.

Serena: Go with a goat! Eleanor hates us to do things by halves.

Lily (seeing the ball dress of Serena): I feel that too.

Serena: Wait, me about it! In Waldorf, the theme party is perpetuated from mother to daughter.

Lily: You're not with Dan?

Serena: Uh ... Nah. Dan is already taken tonight.

Lily: But by what?

Serena: The question is: by whom?

Lily: Han, I had not realized. In fact, to be honest, it relieves me. At your age, do not deprive themselves of papilloner.

Serena: You can talk about you! It is your rider sexy tonight?

Lily: What? Nah, you're kidding. Who do you want me to go! I'm going to try this dress and see if I can find a goat.

Edward (by mail) "Hi Serena! Kati Farkas gave me your email. "

Serena (by mail): "Oh! Hello! Who are you? "(Looking at his profile) You're not Dan but never mind, it will do.

[In the living room of Humphrey]

Dan (answering machine): Hi Jenny! I have a great scoop for you: Vanessa returned to New York. We will s'faire a movie tonight, so I know not if you go to the ball or not but I wanted to know if you wanted to come. So uh ... I'm gonna book it. So, call me.

Gossip Girl (his blog): "Calling all White Knights! Why friends of Serena Van Der Woodsen to find him a suitor? Fairy tales are they at this point out of fashion for the princesses are reduced to simply a replacement? I may be old fashioned, but to be a happy end, the knight must sometimes move your a*s and seal his faithful steed! "

[In Serena's room / In the living room of Humphrey]

Edward (by mail): "So what do we do tonight? "

Dan (tuxedos on site): It is perhaps time to be bold after all.

Serena (by mail): "You have a mask? "

______________________________

[In the living room of the suite of Van Der Woodsen]

Serena (opening the door): Nate! Hello! -What are you doing here? J'croyais that you were, uh ... You're going to be late?

Nate: I'm sorry to bother you, it's ... You got a minute?

Serena: Yes, of course. Between.

Nate: Thank you!

Serena: Yes. (Nate having him tell it all) It may be an old remnant, something that dates back 80, a memory of a night at the Limelight and the Tunnel ... Our parents were more crap than us.

Nate: This is recent. Yes, and I'm not surprised one second. I reckon my father to problems frica.

Serena: You tried to tell him?

Nate: Yeah. In fact that annoys me is that it makes me believe that all is well. Looks like my parents have signed a secret pact to act like robots.

Serena: I do not think this is a secret pact if it. I think all our parents have signed it.

Nate: It's okay, I'm more a kid. He let me stay away.

Serena: Look, if what you believe is true, it probably should be scared. So it will take you to be a little more perseverance if you want it to really listen to you. (Nate annoyed) Hey, not give up! (Nate taking his hand) It's better that you go. I must prepare myself and all that.

Nate: Yeah, uh ... I, too, and I thank you for listening.

Serena: It's nothing. Yes, that's normal.

Nate: Chuck wanted to test the merchandise and B. messaging was on so it was cool that you're here.

Serena: At your service. See you tonight, okay?

Nate: Okay. At any time! Ciao!

______________________________

[In the living room of Humphrey]

Vanessa: Hey! Is it-I can enter?

Rufus: Oh, hello! You go out with Dan tonight?

Vanessa: We're gonna get a movie. And you're going where? Humphrey in a suit and tie. Hmm, I smell a tryst but ...

Rufus: But my wife left me.

Vanessa: Yeah, but what-happens with Allison? Dan told me she was still in Hudson. J'croyais it was like for the summer.

Rufus: J'le thought also.

Vanessa: Oh, I see. We'll talk another time, it looks complex.

Rufus: Where-I f*cked my keys?

Vanessa: You do not need keys, the window of Dan this is simpler. Where he is anyway?

Rufus: It will not be long in my opinion. So, uh ... Dan looked pleased to see you.

Vanessa: Why? It surprises you?

Rufus: Well, uh ... if I may, when you're gone, you've broken her heart.

Vanessa: And bah I got home. I hated living away from New York, and away from Dan.

Rufus: You told him?

Vanessa: No, not yet. But I plan to tell her tonight, before or after the movie, I know not yet. I have found yet. It will not be obvious.

Rufus: Yeah.

Vanessa: Hmm ... (finding the keys to Rufus)

Rufus: Oh! Thank you! Uh ... You know it, uh ... he spent a lot of things in your absence.

Vanessa: Yes, that's what Dan said.

Rufus: But you've always been close. I'm sure it'll get.

Vanessa: Wish me luck!

Rufus: You too!

Vanessa: So where are you going dressed like that?

Rufus: Oh, it's just a party.

Vanessa: With a friend?

Rufus: Uh ... It's not quite the word I would use. See you later!

Vanessa (his phone rings) Hello!

Dan (on phone): Hey, where is this-that you're in?

Vanessa (on phone): I'm with you.

Dan (on phone): Oh! Oh, you're ahead.

Vanessa (on phone): Yes, j'pouvais not wait.

Dan (on phone): Uh ... I tried to reach you before you go, I want a lot.

Vanessa (on phone): Because I'm ahead?

Dan (on phone): Nah, because, um ... I, I completely forgot that I had an essay to do for Monday so I'll work all night, but, but I rattraperais. Promised, swore!

Vanessa (on phone): With Pierogi?

Dan (on phone): J't'appelle tomorrow.

Vanessa: Jenny! Hello!

Jenny: Hi! (Starting in his room)

Vanessa: Jenny, what does that matter?

______________________________

[In the living room of the Waldorf]

Rufus (arriving with Lily): Remind me why I must see it as a favor!

Lily: Rufus! Look around you. Since when you did not attend the greatest figures of our world? Enjoy it to make you understand, to revive your career faltering, for your little gallery became a place in disaster.

Rufus: Han, you've become the patron saint of former rock stars!

Lily: Oh yeah? You were a star? Listen, go away if you want, j't'assure. Allison would probably furious to know that you come with me this evening, even if it's in your best interest.

Rufus: J'me care what Allison thinks.

Lily: So much the better! I'll introduce you to our hostess. Eleanor!

Eleanor: Ah!

Lily: This is divine! Really, it's like to Marrakech.

Eleanor: Oh Lily! Nan but what a surprise! I did not know if you would be in good company.

Lily: Oh!

Eleanor: Is not he cute!

Rufus: I'm not ...

Lily: It's Rufus Humphrey.

Eleanor: It is a pleasure.

Rufus: Enchanted.

Lily: That's good couscous that I see there?

Eleanor: Yes, help yourself!

Bart (accompanied by Carissa): Hi Eleanor!

Eleanor: How are you? Miss Magic!

Lily: Wow!

Rufus: Have you seen anything?

Lily: No, it's nothing. I love her dress.

Bart: Lily!

Lily Bart!

Bart: Good evening!

Rufus: Hi!

Bart: Uh, I present to you Carissa.

Carissa: Yes, enchanted. Carissa! (Reaching for Lily)

Lily (the greeting): Hi!

Rufus: Rufus! (Shaking hands)

Carissa: Magic!

Bart: Well, well, glad to have seen you.

Lily: Yes, me too.

Bart: Good evening.

Lily: You too.

Carissa: Good evening!

Rufus: You and Bart Bass? Ah, j'comprends better! This is to make him jealous that you invited me?

Lily Han, j't'en please! This is ridiculous.

Rufus: You know I find it pretty quite flattering actually. But you could have found better than me.

Lily: Not in so little time.

Howard: Eleanor! Salamalikum!

Eleanor: Oh!

Howard: How are you? This evening is fantastic!

Eleanor: Thank you, you're an angel.

______________________________

[In Jenny's room]

Vanessa: So basically, this girl makes you a sl*ve?

Jenny: Nan, her maid instead.

Vanessa: That's what Jane Austen called sl*ves.

Jenny: At the same time she ever said that I would go to the ball. I render him service or not.

Vanessa: Hin, hin! Do not try to find excuses, after all you did you deserve to go!

Jenny: J'croyais that you found the masked ba*ls totally cheesy!

Vanessa: This is only my opinion. But if you really want to go, it's not that girl that will prevent you.

Jenny: Nothing to it, I mean, I even have a dress!

Vanessa: I have a friend who works as a costume designer at BAM, we will pay it. What else?

Jenny: I have no invitation.

Vanessa: We go through the door. What else?

Jenny: If Blair sees me she'll be furious!

Vanessa: So this is a chance that you wear a mask.

______________________________

[In the ballroom masked]

Gossip Girl: With us on the side of the Upper East Side, appearances can be deceiving. Keep your eyes open and beware of familiar faces!

[Before the ballroom masked]

Jack: Welcome! It is here or there?

Dan: Well, that's where the lights and zigzag over there it's cars, it avoids them better. Wait, you will see clearer without this stuff! (Him touching his mask)

Jack: Yeah, it's not stupid.

Dan: Hi! Hey, what's your name?

Jack: Jack Hartmann!

Dan: Hi Jack Hartmann! I went out into the air.

Vigil of the ball: Oh, okay. (She opened the gate)

Dan: Thank you!

[In the entrance to the masked ball]

Vanessa (doing so will pass quietly by the back door): Thank you! (Looking at holding Jenny) Well, let me see.

Jenny: Look, I know that you disapprove of worldliness to death these rich kids and all, but ...

Vanessa: I'll reprogrammerais any hour. (Taking the mini-bag and giving it a Jenny fan) That I care, it's hideous. Go, go!

Vanessa: Han, thank you!

[In the ballroom masked]

Blair: We'll start the party girls.

Gossip Girl (Serena dancing with Edward):-What did I tell you about appearances? Oh yes, they could be misleading!

Dan: Oh!

Gossip Girl: But mostly, we do believe that what we see.

[In the entrance to the masked ball]

Vanessa: Hey! You would not see my girlfriend? It was me who his bag and I have his key shot. (A guy the ball making him "no" to the head)

[In the ballroom masked]

Blair: Nah, but what does that makes Nate? He should have found Kati & Isa '! It's late and I cooled!

Chuck: You're stunning beauty. If I was ya man, I would not need clues to find you.

Blair: That I doubt it for a second.

Chuck (watching Jenny): Who is this chick?

Blair: Probably the kind that embeds the tape.

Chuck: This is the kind I like.

Blair: Forget it! Nate go get and put it in the right direction.

Chuck: All in good time. (Starting to see Jenny)

Blair: Han!

Chuck: Hi dear angel! You must be my lucky charm. (Seeing her wrist) And I have a lucky charm that has taste.

Jenny: It seems not, since I speak with you!

Chuck: Beautiful and cruel. Everything I love. You could dance with a poor devil?

Jenny: We could burn this step and find a quiet corner.

Chuck: I'll take out the champagne.

Jenny: And I the quiet corner.

______________________________

[In the living room of the Waldorf]

Howard: Introduce your company public is a huge responsibility and it is better to rely on his first impression. It is even you who taught me, Eleanor!

Eleanor: You know I adore you, this is not the problem. But you have no experience in this field. I met with counselors in Calvin and I must admit that I found remarkable presentation.

Anne: Enough about business, you are bored our hostess. I thought of one thing when your daughter is fiancera with Nate, I would offer him the ring of my great-grandmother.

Eleanor: The Van Der Bilt in that person had given him! (Looking at the ring) Han!

Rufus (LED watch Lily Bart): You keep the spy!

Lily: But I not spy, I just wish that's all informed.

Rufus: So long as thou hast seen it, it will have the advantage. If you want to make a man jealous, there's only one thing to do.

Lily: Rufus, I had invited you here for full of reasons but not for your talent ... advisors conjugate (Rufus kissing) It was rather unexpected.

Rufus: J'lui gives 20 minutes.

Rufus & Lily: I need a drink!

______________________________

[In the ballroom masked]

Edward: So now, every time we see their yacht, you are obliged to operate the fog horns until they leave.

Serena: Wow!

Edward: In the long run, it's almost a trick to disgust you to spend the summers in Newport, I assure you!

Serena: Ah bah yes, it looks, uh ... horrible!

Edward: It has the.

Serena: Uh, listen, will you apologize? I, I guess it's better than ...

Dan: What you change your partner! Hello!

Serena: Dan! -What are you doing here?

Dan: I just help you.

Serena: I do not need to be rescued.

Dan: Oh yes! Yet watching you, I vaguely felt that you were passing a tough time!

Serena: Dan!

Nate: Yes?

Kati: B. sends us.

Isabel: It's late and she is tired of waiting for you.

Kati: The maid of honor is far less than you think. The fairy of pink feathers and black, it is she who will guide you. Hmm, that's it!

Isabel: It's me!

Nate: What? Uh, sorry?

Kati: You got to find Serena, she has the final index.

Nate: Serena, yes.

Chuck: Boo!

Jenny: Let's play?

Chuck: I'd do a good strip poker but I forgot my cards.

Jenny: J'préfèrerais a game of hide and seek. You hide, I search.

Chuck: And how will you find me? I have no stones to cast.

Jenny: Well, you can always help me by spreading your clothes.

Chuck: I must surely be dreaming.

A guy from the ball (to Vanessa): It's going to you? (From Vanessa)

Dan: Hey Serena! If you-like-.

Serena: Why did you get Dan?

Dan: Why did I come! I ran through the town, I rented a tuxedo, I stole this mask to a poor guy that was even able to stand ... I have to get tricky here, all because I want to you.

Serena: It's not the impression I had this morning when you've lied about this girl!

Dan: What? Wait, wait, I, I have not, well ... in fact so.

Serena: Yeah.

Dan: I lied but I can explain.

Serena: Go ahead, but apply yourself.

Dan: Well I was with my friend Vanessa. We were very close, she moved here last year and she has just returned.

Serena: So, why is it that you told me that it was Jenny?

Dan: Because I'm stupid! I do not know, I know why. Vanessa and I were there ..., there are reports that are a bit complicated. Finally, who were. And then I met you, you. To be honest, somewhere, I was secretly hoping you would ask me this stupid masquerade.

Serena: Well, I planned to invite you.

Dan: Yeah? You're telling me that you will not marry this pretentious snob?

Serena: You're telling me that between you and Vanessa it's over?

Dan: That's exactly what I say.

Gossip Girl: Oh yes! It is by far my favorite part of the ball! When the masks come off and the truth comes out for all to see. (Vanessa attends the scene)

Dan: You'll excuse me? This is the last person I expected to see here.

Serena: Yes, how not to follow!

Dan: Excuse me! Vanessa, Vanessa! Hey! I was not expecting to see you here.

Vanessa: It's funny, I was gonna say the same thing.

Dan: What, are you doing here?

Vanessa: J'travaille on my dissert 'for Monday. Oh, oh no, it's you! J'confonds. Since when we lie to each other?

Dan: Nah, that's not it. I simply failed to tell you the truth. Which is a lie even worse than the other makes.

Vanessa: Humphrey!

Dan: I did not understand either. I am a little confused. And what-you wanted me to say? I went to go rent a tuxedo at a masquerade ball when I had neither masks nor invitation, all that to go find a girl that she had a mask, an invitation, and a jumper!

Vanessa: It would have been honest.

Dan: You hate this environment!

Vanessa: You too. Finally, this is what I thought.

Dan: I do not understand, uh ... we need you to explain. You've followed so far to prove that I am a liar?

Vanessa: Yes, Dan! That's why I'm here. I've tracked down so far because I am completely obsessed with you, and then there is this time that's why I came back to New York because I was just thinking about you day and night !

Dan: OK, I understand, you can stop.

Vanessa: It's going, do not worry, j'me breaks. Hello!

Dan: Wait, wait! If you-like-, wait! Listen, I want. I want to have you lied about tonight.

Vanessa: You said you loved me.

Dan: That's, that was before you leave. I was a prepubescent teen when I told you that. Since there are many things that have changed.

Vanessa: I see it! You do not do things by half, anyway. (Hence)

Serena: So that's ...

Dan: Vanessa, yeah. It is ...

Serena: Super nice.

Dan: I gotta go, excuse me!

[On the roof of the ballroom masked]

Chuck: You heaters! I'm getting closer.

Jenny: I found your pants!

Chuck: Then you burned. I'll eventually catch fire me if you continue like that.

Jenny: Do not worry, you will not be long before you cool!

Chuck: Yeah? -What do you mean by that? (Jenny key to closing the door) Hey what the hell was that! Hey! My laptop is in my fute! I'm stuck here poor idiot.

[Before the ballroom masked]

Dan: Vanessa! Vanessa, wait-if you please! But why not wait for me, huh? (Calling out a girl like Vanessa) Oh! Because you are not Vanessa, sorry. I'm sorry, simple mistaken identity. Congratulations Dan! She even wears no mask.

______________________________

[In the entrance of Waldorf]

Rufus: Lily! You were hiding there.

Lily: I needed to isolate myself a little in view of what ...

Rufus: The kiss.

Lily: Yes. How to say, j'me sense ...

Rufus: Nostalgic.

Lily: nauseous.

Rufus: Okay. Whew!

Lily: Nan, j'te Charie. Whatever, I'm sorry but I have Rufus, then I would perhaps not have to invite you here.

Rufus: I see, uh ... As for me I'm sorry to have kissed but I did it out of devotion for that idiot playboy realizes how much you're more attractive than his pretty young conquest. The freshness of youth passes, whatever I have to admit that you escape completely to this rule. Ultimately, he would bite his fingers. And I thought he deserved to know what it is losing you. I know how hard it is.

Lily (seeing approaching Bart): I think it worked.

Bart: Lily, I can talk to you a moment? If you let it.

Rufus (seeing Lily and Bart away): Wow! Do not thank me.

Bart: What is happening Lily? Why do not you say anything? This is serious ...

Lily: It does not concern you.

Bart: I will bring you back, come with me.

______________________________

[In the women's toilet masquerade]

Serena: Jenny? Hello!

Jenny: Serena! Uh ... You've not seen, right?

Serena: Yes, do not worry about that. There are lots of things I'll try to remember to have seen tonight.

Jenny: It's not going to air.

Serena: I do not know. Dan gave me a surprise coming.

Jenny: Ah bah it's great!

Serena: Yes, except that I was even more surprised when I saw him run after a girl named Vanessa.

Jenny: Nah, it's her best friend!

Serena: Yes, bah it looks to be a bit more than that. Tell me there was something between them?

Jenny: I reckon. Finally, yeah. But Dan never liked a girl like he loves you. The proof: he came to a masked ball. I reckon he would be willing to go anywhere with you. Except perhaps to "Holiday on Ice" is one of her worst childhood memories!

Serena: You know, I guess I should go find him. Except that it will not be easy to find someone with that stupid mask that is not in place.

Jenny: I Want you spin well but mine is better that I stay hidden if I want out of here incognito.

Serena: We exchange if you want?

Jenny: Okay.

Serena: Thank you. Oh! (Giving him his vest) And I want you file it. It's so hot here, and you risk being cold if you go out, like. You've had fun tonight?

Jenny: It could not be better!

Serena: Great!

Jenny (standing out hair): Okay!

Serena (handing him the hair in place): Wait!

Jenny: Thank you.

Serena: Very nice.

[In the ballroom masked]

Nate: Serena says nothing in particular, let me explain.

Jenny: Oh sh*t!

Nate: Look, I tried to reason with me, but I can not. I know that every two to Blair but still I'm gonna have to tell him the truth. I only think of you. I tried to forget you but I am unable. If you do not stop me I'll kiss you.

Serena: Nate!

Nate (Jenny escaping): But ...

Serena: But what-are you doing? Should you find Blair. Well, never mind we drop clues, she wears thigh boots and a large golden tiara. Go go! Hurry.

Blair: Serena, do-Have you seen Nate? (Jenny escaping from his grip) Hey! (Grabbing the wrist of Jenny)

Everyone: 5,4,3 ...

Blair: Jenny.

Everyone: 2.1 ...

Kati & Isabel: It's midnight! The mask off!

Dan: Serena! (Jenny escaping) Serena, Serena! Wait, wait! I'm sorry, Sere ...

[Before the ballroom masked]

Chuck: Little Jenny Humphrey was able to put my a*s in the air without my taking the fun! I must say it is an achievement.

Blair: Fortunately another sex maniac came on the roof, otherwise you'll always be there. And no, I do not know what you did to have this Tuxedo. Come on, I go.

Nate: Hi Chuck! See you tomorrow.

Blair: Hin, hin! You did not find before midnight, the evening ends there for you.

Nate: Look, I'm, I'm sorry.

Blair: All I wanted was that reparte zero. And you have not even tried.

A guy from the ball (with Kati & Isabel): It's going girls?

Chuck: Well at least there is one who spends a good evening.

Serena (on phone): Hello!

Dan (on phone): Serena! Do-you can at least tell me if-you-please? Why did you run away like that?

Serena (on phone):-What are you talking about? It is you who have fled.

Dan (on phone): Uh, I think not. A beautiful blonde with a yellow dress and a fur vest, there is one and Serena Van Der Woodsen.

Serena: Nah, not tonight.

Dan: Well, for information you must know that I like you. You and only you.

Serena: And well it's cool because I feel the same.

Dan: That's settled.

Serena: Well ... It seems that "Holiday on Ice" It will stop in New York.

Dan: Oh! If you want to go, so I want to go.

______________________________

[In the office of Howard]

Nate: Hey! You are still standing!

Howard: We are celebrating something.

Anne Eleanor Waldorf has accepted the company of your father takes care of its IPO.

Nate: Great! It's a new superb.

Anne: Yes, indeed. So I went to get something to open this bottle were kept for a special occasion. (Showing the bag of drugs) And that's how I found this. So what? Can you tell me what's it doing there?

Nate: How so?

Anne: Well, it's not me, it's not your father either. And since we are only three in this house ...

______________________________

[In Jenny's room]

Dan: Hey! We do not sleep?

Jenny: I'm not tired.

Dan: Oh! I'm completely exhausted. You know I went to the ball after all!

Jenny: Oh, really?

Dan: Yeah.

Jenny: Your evening is complete. There's someone for you.

[In Dan's room]

Vanessa: A pierogi? I came in peace.

Dan: So much the better because I'm starving. Listen, ...

Vanessa: Forget Humphrey! Do not pretend to be embarrassed, you look not. Anyway, it is I who owe you an apology.

Dan: Nope not at all, it's me. I should tell you about Serena.

Vanessa: I should have been more curious.

Dan: And I should not have to lie to you tonight.

Vanessa: And I should not have run away so fast. Well, if you want us to be friends as before, we will have to rule certain things.

Dan: You're right. It made me miss having a girlfriend.

Vanessa: And I missed it to be one. Trying to focus on the essentials.

Dan: Like what? Less bullshit and more pierogi?

Vanessa: And you make me a summary of everything I missed. Serena kind ...

Dan: It's good! It is almost as fabulous as these pierogi! The only concern is that she has a mother, you see a little goofy, which I do not gifts. And then there's also her best friend with whom I have great difficulty, but so much evil. But the worst is when there's the boyfriend of her best friend, well then it gets complicated. Because they went out together ...

Vanessa: Oh yeah?

Dan: Actually, he was in love with her best friend too ...

[bunniefuu]

(OG version)


WOMAN:
Where has she been?

GOSSIP GIRL:
And who am I?

That's one secret I'll never tell.

You know you love me. XOXO...

...Gossip Girl.

Long ago, when European royals
grew bored with palace ba*ls...

...they took a page from the peons,
and added some pageantry.

Couture and canapés
are just another Saturday night.

Until you add a mask.

But preparing for a ball
is an event in itself.

Which is why queens
invented handmaidens.

Dresses should be delivered,
I'll take the small stuff.

Which one's yours?

Oh, no, I'm just helping Blair.
But I mean, you know, we'll see.

Well, here's hoping.

-We'll put it on Blair's tab.
-Oh, no, no, no--

The girls at that party
are my best customers.

Why not show off my latest wares?
Just return it after the ball.

SERENA: So Kati mentioned
something about a custom-made corset.

-And I hear there are wigs involved?
-It's a masquerade.

You have to conceal your identity.

But I do have something special planned
for Nate tonight.

It's a game. It's a scavenger hunt.

Nate starts with a clue,
which leads him to a lady-in-waiting...

...who gives him a clue to the--

Wait, you have ladies?

If he finds me before midnight when the
masks come off, he can claim his prize.

And what's that?

Oh.

Yeah, right. Sorry.

I just figured that after everything
that's happened...

...or hasn't happened, I should
find some way to make it special.

Well, that's really romantic, Blair.

Really.

Look, if you don't want me to
come tonight, I totally understand.

What? No, I want you to come.

In fact,
I was hoping you'd be one of my ladies.

Would you give Nate the last clue?

Are you sure you want me to?

Tonight is all about starting over.

I trust you.

And him.

Well, then I will be honored to serve you,
my queen.

Well, besides, you're bringing Dan, right?

DAN: A ball?
-Haven't you heard?

Your sister's Cinderella.

And let me guess,
your wicked stepsister is Blair Waldorf.

Blair may have asked me to do things,
I'm happy to help.

-If she helps with an invite and outfit?
-It'll be worth it.

Everyone in disguise, in this old ballroom,
it's gonna be amazing.

I'm actually surprised
Serena didn't mention it.

Why? We've only been out twice.

It's not like
we have to do everything together.

I gotta go deliver this stuff.

Let me know if you need me
to pick you up a tux.

What?

It's a masked ball. She thinks I'd
never go to something that pretentious.

Which shows she knows me well.

I know him. A masked ball.

Dan would never go
to something that pretentious.

-Where he has to wear a mask and a tux.
-He likes you.

He would wear a tux, and a mask
and one of my mother's dresses...

...if it meant
that he could go out with you.

Are you worried that he already has
a date? I mean, he is Dan Humphrey.

Shut up.

I don't know. I guess a masked ball
is better than a regular party.

All those kids from school that he hates,
he won't even recognize them.

-All right, invite him, I insist.
-I'm not saying I wouldn't go.

If Serena asked me,
I wouldn't deprive her of my company.

-No, that would be too cruel.
-But she hasn't asked me, so.

If you wanna go with her, just
make it happen, put yourself out there.

This happens in a matter of hours.

The window for bold gestures
is officially closed.

[PHONE RINGING]

Is that her?

No, it's Vanessa.

Vanessa? That's been a while.

-You gonna answer that?
-Of course, why wouldn't I?

Hello? Vanessa.

WOMAN:
Hi, yeah, it's me.

So, what's up? So how's Vermont?

Do you still have my copy
of The Crying of Lot 49?

Um, I don't know.

Well, could you check?

I haven't talked to you in over a year,
you call to ask me about an old book?

You know, it could be anywhere.

Try over by the window.

-Vanessa.
-Surprise.

What?

-Oh, my God, so nice to see you.
-How are you?

I can't believe you're here.
What are you doing here?

My parents said
I could finish high school in the city.

-So that means you're--
-I'm back for good.

Wow. Wow.

-That is--
-Awesome, I hope.

Yeah, totally.

Yes, of course.
It's just unexpected, you know.

Unexpectedly awesome.

[PHONE RINGING]

Go ahead, answer that.
I'm starving, and I smell waffles.

-Rufus.
RUFUS: Vanessa?

VANESSA: Surprise.
-Serena, hey.

Hey, hi.

BLAIR:
Go ahead, do it.

Uh.... Hey, I was just wondering,
are you doing anything tonight?

Tonight? No, no, nothing, why?

Good, because there's this thing, and
you're probably gonna think it's stupid--

Try me.

Even cold, these are so good.

I've missed Rufus' cooking. I have.

-Rufus, do you have whipped cream?
-Who is that?

It's my sister.

You were saying something.

Hi, Blair. What do you want me to do
with this stuff?

Oh, just leave them over there,
that's fine. I left you another list.

DAN:
Hello? Is anyone there?

I'm sorry, what?

You were asking me something.

No. Uh.... No, never mind.

-Thank you, have a good day.
-Okay.

Bye.

So, what are we doing tonight?

I think I need a date.

Damn it, Anne. I told you no starch.

Howard, we've been going
to the same cleaners for 19 years.

Your shirts are exactly how they always
are. We know this isn't about laundry.

Sorry, but I need everything
to be perfect at Eleanor's party tonight.

I can't screw up.

Eleanor knows you're the best person
to take her company public.

She's going to pick you.

Just show up and be yourself.

I'm gonna call you from the office.

I gotta look over the proposal
one more time.

NATE: Hey, Mom.
-Oh, Nate.

Is everything okay with Dad?

Just work stuff,
nothing for you to worry about.

Sure.

God, I love New York.

There was only one theater in Woodbury,
and all it ever played were family movies.

The Pacifier played for like a year.

And they said
Vin Diesel couldn't do comedy.

[LAUGHS]

I can't pick, overwhelmed by choice.
Whatever you want.

Yeah, sure, whatever.

You do wanna do something, right?

I mean, you don't have plans.

Big night out with overprivileged,
underparented brats from your school?

-Yeah, the limo's waiting back at the loft.
-Good, we can egg it, slash the tires?

So is it weird having me back?

No, why would it be weird?

Because you said some things
the night that I left.

Things that you immediately asked me
to take back.

Because I was leaving, but now I'm here.

Yeah, and it's been over a year,
you know.

A lot has happened, actually.

I look forward to hearing about it,
tonight.

Late show, Angelika. Whatever's playing.

-Unless it's The Pacifier.
-Unless it's The Pacifier.

All right, I'll get tickets.

Glad to be home, Humphrey.

Glad to have you, Abrams.

CHUCK:
So, what exactly are you looking for?

Evidence.

Of what?

Captain's dislike of starchy shirts?

I totally sympathize, the collars chafe.

Did you ask him
about your missing college money?

Yeah, said he was moving accounts
around. It was all back the next day.

So why worry? Mysterious financial
transactions, warring parents.

Welcome to the Upper East Side.

Chi Chi, get the yeyo.
Nathaniel, I'm shocked.

-Thought you were strictly an herbal man.
-This isn't mine.

BLAIR: Who does this
Dan Humphrey think he is?

Serena is putting up a strong front,
but I can see how hurt she is.

-We have to help heal her heart.
-But it's pretty late notice.

-The good ones are already taken.
-No more excuses.

Serena must have the hottest date.

He's got plans, he'll change them.
Got a girlfriend, he'll dump her.

If he's out of town,
he'll charter a G5 and fly home.

Make it happen.

MAN: Do you like it?
ELEANOR: That's outstanding.

[GASPS]

-Is it a bong, Mother?
-Please.

-I didn't take you for a stoner.
-It's a--

A hookah, and it is adorable.

It's perfect
for my Moroccan-themed party.

Why do you have to celebrate
your Bendel's deal...

...by turning our penthouse
into an opium den?

Why not?

[LAUGHS]

BLAIR [ON RECORDING]:
Hey, it's Blair.

Sorry I can't come to the phone,
I'm getting ready for the masked ball.

See you tonight, if you recognize me,
which you won't.

Hey, Blair, it's me.

I....

Look, I just really need to talk to you.

It's....

There's this thing with my dad, and....

You know, I just--

I really need to talk to you,
so can you call me back when you can?

Thanks.

Well, that's all of it.

Thank you, I don't know
what I would've done without you.

That's okay. Yeah, it was fun.

I'm glad. It's all part of your education.

And it looks like you're learning.

That's a nice bracelet. Vintage, right?

The diamonds look real.

That's because they sort of are.

The man at the store lent it to me.

Why would he do that?

Oh! Oh.

Sweetie, you didn't think you were
gonna be able to come tonight, right?

I thought maybe, yeah.

Jenny, freshmen don't get to go
to the masked ball.

-It's just tradition.
-No, I know.

-It's just that there were five dresses.
-Oh, it--

You always need back-up.

What if I spilled something
or a zipper broke?

Yeah, of course. I'll remember that.

-Have fun tonight.
-I will.

And don't worry,
your time will come, I promise.

Now if you'll excuse me,
I have to get ready.

Do you think that Eleanor Waldorf
will find this "night in Tangiers" enough?

Maybe if you brought a goat.
Eleanor always goes all out.

Speaking of going all out.

SERENA:
Yeah, I know. Tell me about it.

I don't think the Waldorf women
ever met a theme they didn't just love.

You're going with Dan?

-Um.... No, Dan has plans actually.
-Doing what?

The question is, with whom?

Oh, I didn't realize.

Well, frankly, I am relieved.

You know, at your age,
you should be playing the field.

What about at your age?
You got a hot date tonight?

What? No, please.
Who would I be dating?

[COMPUTER BEEPING]

You know what? I'm gonna go try
this on and see if I can find a goat.

SERENA:
Well, he's no Dan, but I guess he'll do.

Hey, Jen, you're not gonna believe this,
but Vanessa is back in town.

So we're going to a movie.

I don't know if you're going to that ball,
I was wondering if you wanted to come.

So we're getting tickets online.

Call me back.

GOSSIP GIRL: Why is it that friends
of Serena van der Woodsen...

...have to search for her suitor?

Have fables fallen so out of fashion...

...that princesses have
to do everything themselves?

Call us old school,
but sometimes the fairy tale ending...

...requires the knight to get off his a*s
and saddle up his steed.

DAN: Maybe it's never too late
for a bold gesture.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

SERENA:
Nate, hey.

What are you doing here?
I thought you were....

-Shouldn't you be getting ready?
-I'm sorry to bother you.

It's....

Do you have a minute?

-Yeah, of course, come in.
-Thanks.

Maybe it's old.

Left over from the '90s, from some
night at Limelight or the Tunnel?

Our parents did worse stuff than we do.

It's not old. And it makes total sense.

I think
he's having some money problems.

-Well, have you asked him about it?
-Yup.

I just wish-- You know,
I wish he'd be honest with me.

It's like he and my mom, they made
some secret pact to act like robots.

I don't think that pact is so secret.
I think all parents signed it.

But I'm not a little kid anymore.
He doesn't have to shut me out.

If what you think is right,
he's probably really scared.

Maybe you have to tell him
how you feel more than once...

...for him to really hear you.

Hey, don't give up, okay?

You should probably go. You know,
I've gotta get ready and stuff.

Yeah, me too.

-Thanks for just, you know, listening.
-It's fine, don't worry about it.

Chuck just wanted to bump.

And Blair's phone was turned off,
so it really means a lot.

Yeah, anytime, Nate.

I'll see you tonight, okay?

All right, I'll see you, bye.

Hey, anybody home?

-Hey, you and Dan going out?
-Just to the movies.

What about you?

A Humphrey man in a sports coat?

-I'd normally ask if you had a date, but--
-But my wife left me.

Yeah, what's up with Alison?
Dan says she's still upstate.

-I thought that was just for the summer.
-So did her husband.

Okay, we'll circle back to that.

-One issue at a time.
-Like, where are my keys?

What do you need keys for?
Use Dan's window.

Where is Dan, by the way?

He should be back in a minute.

-So Dan seems happy to see you.
-Why wouldn't he be?

Well, if you don't mind me saying so.

When you left here,
you kind of broke his heart.

I'm back, aren't I?

I hated being away from the city.

Away from Dan.

You tell Dan this?

No, not yet.
But I'm planning on it tonight.

Before or after the movie,
I'm not sure yet.

Yeah, I gotta pick my moment.

It's kind of a big deal.

Ooh. Thanks.

You know, there's a lot that's changed
since you were here.

So Dan says.

But you guys have always been close.
You'll figure it out.

-Wish me luck?
-Me too.

-Where are you going anyway?
-Just some party.

With a friend?

I wouldn't exactly call her that.

[PHONE RINGING]

See you.

-Hello.
-Hey, where are you?

-At your house.
-Oh, you're early.

Yeah, I just couldn't wait.

Oh. Um....

I tried to get you before you left.
I feel terrible.

Because I'm early?

No, because, um, I....

I totally spaced.

I have this American History paper
due Monday.

So, you know, I'll be writing all night.

I'll make it up to you, though, I promise.

Pirogis at Veselka?

I'll call you tomorrow.

Jenny, hey.

Hey.

Jenny, what's wrong?

[MOROCCAN MUSIC PLAYING]

-And how is this a favor to me again?
-Rufus, look around.

When was the last time you had access
to the top people in music and art?

Introduce yourself, revitalize your career.

Put that sad little gallery
on the cultural radar.

Since when are you the saint
of former rock stars?

Since when were you a star?

Leave if you want to, really.

Alison would have a fit if she knew you
were accompanying me to this party.

Even if it was for your benefit.

Actually, I don't care
what Alison thinks right now.

Good. Then let me
introduce you to our hostess.

Eleanor, it is divine.
Squint and it's Marrakesh.

Oh, Lily, I had no idea you were bringing
a date. How delightful.

-Oh, it's not a date.
-This is Rufus Humphrey.

-Pleasure.
-It's not a date.

-Look, appetizers, is that couscous?
-Yes, please.

BART: Hey.
ELEANOR: Bart.

-And friend.
-Hi.

-Something catch your eye?
-Oh, I like her outfit.

-Lily.
-Bart.

-Hello.
-Hi.

I'd like you to meet Karissa.

-Yeah, hi, Karissa.
-Hi.

-Hi, Rufus.
-Hi, Rufus.

Hi.

Well, so good to see you.

Great to see you.

-Enjoy.
-You too.

Good night.

You and Bart Bass?
Suddenly, it all makes sense.

-Brought me to make him jealous.
-Don't be ridiculous.

I mean, it's flattering, I guess, but
couldn't you have done a little better?

Not on such short notice.

Eleanor, salaam alaikum.

How are you? This is fantastic.

-Beautiful.
-God bless you.

So this Blair girl used you as her sl*ve.

No, I was her handmaiden.

"Handmaiden" is
Jane Austen for "sl*ve."

She never said I'd get to go to the ball
if I did all those errands.

Uh-uh. Don't make excuses for her.
You did all that stuff, you deserve to go.

-You said masked ba*ls were pretentious.
-One woman's opinion.

But if you wanna go,
no Blair should keep you away.

It's not just Blair. I don't have a gown.

My friend works in
the costume department at BAM.

We can borrow one. Next?

-I don't have an invitation.
-Every ballroom has a back door.

What else?

If Blair saw me, she'd be furious.

Then it's a good thing
you'll be wearing a mask.

On the Upper East Side,
appearances are often deceiving.

From friends to hair color,
there's always more than meets the eye.

[THE YEAH YEAH YEAHS' "KISS
KISS KISS" PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]

Is uptown this way or that way?

It's that way.

These things whizzing by, they're cars.
You might wanna avoid them.

You know what?
You'll see better without this too.

Oh, that is better.

-Hey, you got a name?
-Jack Altman.

Jack Altman.
I just stepped out for some air.

Altman? Okay.

Thank you.

Wait, let me see.

Okay, I know you're completely morally
opposed to society events and stuff, but--

We'll deprogram you later.
This is ugly.

-Just go.
-Okay, thanks.

VANESSA:
Thank you so much.

[NEKTA'S "GOOD GIRL"
PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]

What was it we said about appearances?

Yes, they can be deceiving.

But most of the time,
what you see is what you get.

Hey, have you seen that girl I was with?

When I grabbed her bag,
I got her house keys too.

[5 ALARM MUSIC'S "TAKE IT TO
THE TOP" PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]

What is Nate doing?
He's supposed to go find Kati and Is.

-It's getting late, I'm losing heat.
-You look ravishing.

If I were your man,
I wouldn't need clues to find you.

-Or to ravish me, I'm sure.
-Who is that?

BLAIR: Probably some b*tch from Chapin.
-A hot b*tch from Chapin.

Forget her, go get Nate,
point him in the right direction.

First things first.

Well, hello, angel.

You must be my lucky night.

And with taste to boot.

Apparently, not. I'm talking to you.

Beautiful and mean. I've got chills.
Care to dance with a poor devil?

Why don't we just skip all that
and go somewhere quiet to talk?

I'll get the champagne.

Find me in five.

Taking a company public
is an enormous responsibility.

Nothing more valuable than a good
first impression. You taught me that.

Captain, you know that I adore you,
but you've never done fashion before.

I've been talking to Calvin's people,
and I have to say...

...the presentation is impressive.

Enough business talk. You're boring her.

Eleanor, I've been thinking
when Nate and Blair get engaged...

...she should have
my great grandmother's ring.

The one that Cornelius Vanderbilt
gave her. Huh.

RUFUS: Still spying on him?
-I'm not spying.

I'm just keeping track
of his whereabouts.

So long as you're watching,
he's winning.

You wanna make a man jealous,
there's one thing to do.

I invited you here for many reasons,
but knowledge of romance is not--

That was unexpected.

Give him 20 minutes.

-I need a drink.
-I need a drink.

So every time we see their yacht now...

...we just pull out our air horns
and let them rip.

Tell you, it is almost enough to make you
never wanna summer in Newport again.

Wow, that sounds awful.

It is, it's pretty bad.

Yeah, you know, if you'll excuse me,
I think I'm gonna go--

To change partners?

-Hey.
-Dan, what are you doing here?

-Saving you.
-I don't need to be saved.

Really? Because I could see your eyes
rolling from across the room.

Dan.

-Hey.
-Blair sent us over.

It's late, you're taking too long.

Your lady-in-waiting's
closer than you think.

Her headdress is feathers
of black and pink.

-It's her.
-It's me.

What? I'm sorry.

Just find Serena, she'll lead you to Blair.

Serena, right.

Boo.

Let's play a game.

I'd say strip poker,
but I don't have cards.

How about hide-and-seek?

You hide, I'll seek.

And how will you find me?
I don't have any breadcrumbs.

Well....

You can leave me a trail of your clothes.

I have truly died and gone to heaven.

So how are you doing?

Serena, hey.

-What are you doing here?
-What am I doing?

I ran across the city, I rented a tuxedo.

I stole this mask from some drunken kid
only to look like Robin.

I conned my way in here, all to see you.

I care.

You didn't seem to care when you
were with another girl and lied about it.

What? Whoa, whoa, whoa. I didn't--

Well, I did.

-Yeah.
-I did, but I can explain that.

Go ahead. Give it your best shot.

I was with my friend, Vanessa.

We're very close, and she moved away
to Vermont last year, now she's back.

Okay, so why did you lie
and say it was Jenny?

Because I'm an idiot. I don't know why.

Look, Vanessa and I....

Our relationship is a little complicated.

Or it was, before I met you.

And honestly, I didn't want anything
to get in the way of you inviting me...

...to this stupid party.

Well, I was gonna invite you.

Really?

So not into Pompous a*s IV?

Are you saying
you're not into old friend Vanessa?

That is exactly what I'm saying.

Oh, yes, the other part we love
about a masquerade?

When the mask finally comes off,
and the truth is revealed to all.

Will you excuse me? I just saw
the last person I expected to see.

-Yeah, how can you say no to that?
-I'm sorry.

Vanessa, Vanessa.
Hey, this is a surprise.

-Funny, I could say the same thing.
-What are you doing here?

Writing an American History paper.
Wait, that was supposed to be you.

-When do we start lying to each other?
-I merely refrained from sharing the truth.

Which sounded more like a lie
than what I told you.

-Humphrey.
-I didn't understand that either, I admit.

But what was I going to say?

That I was renting a tuxedo
to attend a masked ball...

...without a mask or an invitation
to go get a girl...

...who not only has a mask
and an invitation, but another date?

At least it's honest.

-You hate this world.
-So do you.

-Or so I thought.
-All right, what's going on here exactly?

Did you follow me here
to prove that I was lying?

Yes, Dan. That's why I'm here.

I stalked you, because I am so obsessed
with you. Wait, don't stop there.

You're the reason I came back, because
I just couldn't stop thinking about you.

-I get the point, lay off the sarcasm.
-How about I lay off the whole evening?

-Bye.
-Wait, wait, wait, stop.

Look, listen, I'm sorry.

-I'm sorry that I lied about writing a--
-You said you love me.

Loved you in the past.

And in a pre-shaving, 16-year-old
kind of way.

You know, I mean, things have changed.

VANESSA:
Clearly.

Looks like someone's traded up.

So that's....

Vanessa, yeah, she's....

Beautiful.

I have to go out there. I'm sorry.

Feel free to find me.

-I found your pants.
-Well, you're getting warmer.

Which is an achievement,
considering you're already hot.

Well, you better hope it doesn't get cold.

What is that supposed to mean?

Hey, what the hell?
Hey, my phone is in my pants.

Hey, I'm stuck up here, b*tch.

DAN:
Vanessa.

Vanessa, wait, please.

Why won't you wait?

Oh, because you're not Vanessa,
I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, case of mistaken identity.

Ironically, not involving masks.

WOMAN:
Right.

Lily, there you are.

I just needed a moment, that--

-What just happened.
-The kiss?

-Yeah, it made me feel--
-Nostalgic?

-Nauseous.
-Right. Um, ouch.

No, I'm kidding.

Kind of.

I'm sorry, Rufus.
Maybe I shouldn't have asked you here.

Right.

And I'm sorry I kissed you.

But I did it because that mercenary
in the starched white shirt...

...he doesn't appreciate
everything you have...

...over an attractive


...because beauty fades, though yours
has done a remarkable job of holding on.

And in the long run,
it's gonna be his loss.

And I thought he should know
how it feels to lose you.

Because, trust me, it's not fun.

I think it worked.

Lily, may I speak with you
for a moment?

If you'll excuse us.

Happy to help.

[WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY]

[BECK'S "TIMEBOMB"
PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]

SERENA:
Jenny?

-Hey.
-Serena.

-Um, look, you didn't see me here, okay?
-Yeah, don't worry about it.

Just one in a series of things
I'll pretend didn't happen tonight.

-Is everything okay?
-I'm not sure.

-Dan surprised me by showing up here.
-Well, go, Dan.

Yeah, except he threw me for a loop by
chasing after some girl named Vanessa.

No, V's Dan's best friend.

Yeah, well,
they seemed like a little more than that.

They've kind of got a history,
don't they?

Sure.

But, I mean,
Dan's never liked a girl like he likes you.

Really, I mean, come on.
He's at a masked ball.

And I think he'd go
basically anywhere with you.

Except for the Ice Capades, because that
really freaked him out when he was 5.

You know what? I--

I think I'll go and try to find him.

Don't know how I'm gonna find anyone.
Stupid mask keeps falling over my eyes.

Well, I'd give you mine,
but masks come off at midnight...

...and I kind of need my disguise
to get out of here.

Well, you know what? You wanna trade?

-Sure.
-Thanks.

And here, take this. It's so hot in here,
and you'll probably be cold outside.

Here you go.

Hey, did you have fun tonight?

It was everything I hoped.

Good.

-Okay, let's see.
-Here.

-Oh, thanks.
-Pretty.

Serena, just don't say anything
and let me explain.

Oh, my God.

I'm trying to do the right thing,
it's k*lling me.

We both care about Blair, but maybe
the best thing is to tell her the truth.

I'm not over you.
And I thought I could fight it, but I can't.

And if you don't stop me,
I'm gonna kiss you.

SERENA:
Nate?

Nate, what are you doing?
You have to find Blair.

Whatever, just forget the clues.

She's wearing big tall boots
and a big old crown. Just go, okay?

Hurry.

Serena, have you seen Nate? Hey.

PEOPLE: Five, four, three, two, one.
-Jenny.

-It's midnight.
-Masks off.

Serena.

Serena. Serena, wait.

I'm so sorry. Serena.

Little Jenny Humphrey manages to get
my pants off and have me not enjoy it.

Quite the accomplishment.

Good thing someone was as lecherous
as you or you'd still be up on that roof.

And, no, I don't wanna know
what you had to do to get that tux.

This is me.

All right, Chuck, I'll see you in the a.m.

Uh-uh.

No, you didn't find me by midnight.
No happily ever after for you.

Blair, I'm sorry.

All I wanted was for us to start over.

And you didn't even try.

CHUCK: Well, at least somebody's
having a good night.

[LINE RINGING]

SERENA: Hello?
-Serena, hey.

Will you please just talk to me, please?

Why did you run away from me?

What are you talking about?
You're the one that ran away.

I don't think so.

Blonde hair, yellow dress,
black furry thing.

There's only one
Serena van der Woodsen.

SERENA:
Yeah, no, not tonight.

Let me say, for the record, I like you.

Only you.

Well, that's good,
because I feel the same about you.

Glad that's cleared up.

Hey, um, you know, I hear
the Ice Capades are coming to town.

If you're there, so am I.

Hey.

You guys are up late.

We were celebrating.

Eleanor Waldorf has agreed
to let your father's firm...

...take her company public.

Congrats, that's great news.

It is, which is why I was looking
for a wine opener.

So I could surprise your father with
Margaux. Which is how I found this.

Well?

What do you have to say
for yourself, Nate?

-What?
-Well, it isn't mine.

And it isn't your father's.

So that only leaves
one other person in this house.

Hey, you're still up.

-Yeah, I'm not that tired.
-Oh, I am, I'm exhausted.

I ended up going to that ball actually.

-Oh, really?
-Yeah.

Well, your night's not over.

There's someone here to see you.

Pirogis? I come in peace.

Great, because I'm starving.

-Look--
-Save it, Humphrey.

You've never done contrite well.

Besides,
I'm the one who should apologize.

No, really, I am.
I should've told you about Serena.

-I should've asked you.
-I shouldn't have lied about tonight.

And I shouldn't have run out on you.

Look, if we're gonna be friends again,
we're gonna have to figure this stuff out.

You're right.

And I've missed having a friend.

I've missed being one.

We can start slow, with the basics.

Like fewer lies, more Ukrainian food?

And you telling me about
everything I missed while I was gone?

Such as Serena.

Well, she's pretty fantastic,
almost as good as this pirogi.

Yeah, she's got this crazy mother
who's always sparring with me.

And this best friend
who's very hard for me to deal with.

The best friend's boyfriend
is the hardest to deal with.

It's all very complicated.
It's very complicated.