4x19 - Petty in Pink

[bunniefuu]

Gossip Girl here-- your one and only source into the scandalous lives of Manhattan's elite.

I'm assuming you are cousin Charlie.

I'd like to stay.

Why don't I show you your new room? I know you don't wanna hear from me, but Dan Humphrey kissed Blair Waldorf.

You said that you were responsible for a fire in one of your own buildings.

I've had that man's death on my conscience for 20 years.

Someone died? Why do you think the security guard was in the building? He was trying to save my wife.

My dad always said she never tried to contact us, but I can't help but wonder, since he lied about so much other stuff I called the D.

A.

Ten minutes ago.

Once I go on record with the truth, no one can hold this against us anymore.

We can build our futures together.

Now that I know I'm ready, I realize you're not.

I think I just met a real-life prince.

Will I ever see you again? You can always come find me.

Diamonds are a girl's best friend, but ask any Upper East Side girl to show you her most prized possession And we bet the box is Vivier, not Cartier.

Miss Blair, you have not taken off the shoes since it arrived.

You must rest your feet.

There's no time for rest.

Didn't you read Louis' note? He wants to spend the day with me, and we still haven't picked out the perfect dress.

Where's Serena? At Van Der Woodsens'.

Miss Serena been very good daughter since miss lily get sentenced to house arrest.

Well, now she's gonna be a very good friend because I'm going to raid her closet.

But the truth is just because the shoe fits, doesn't mean you want to wear it.

Hey, mom.

We're back from our tour of the best pastry shops in Manhattan.

I did a linzer tart taste test.

I had three espressos and then I picked a fight with a barista.

Then I have the perfect place for you to channel your energy.

Laryssa is out running errands, and I need someone to help me clear this out before everyone gets here.

By "this", do you mean the spoils of your online shopping safari? And by "everyone", you mean, uh-- I invited the planning committee to help put together the gift bags for the pink party.

I figure it's the least I can do, and it'd be nice to hang with the girls.

And they're--they're coming? Why wouldn't they? Well, I just thought that, you know, with the-- nonsense.

They're my friends.

Eric, do you mind helping mom? I, uh, need to talk to Charlie about something privately.

Thanks for the movies.

You wanna come over later and join us for some screenings? Um you know what? I might--I might have a thing.

A thing? That's intriguingly vague.

Another development in the complicated non-friends hang-out situation? No, that situation has figured itself out.

It's official.

We're, uh, we're just friends.

Uh, no, the thing today is actually a job.

I got a call from the editor of "Paris Match.

" Read my blog in "w," wants me to do some additional reporting on a story for them today.

Dan, that's that's fantastic.

I know.

I know.

I know.

I should be, uh, happy, but it--the piece seems kinda sleazy.

The editor got some tip that this European Prince is gonna be in town, wants to do a day-in-the-life story, like what a royal does in New York, and the guy doesn't like the media, apparently, which in this case is me, so that means I gotta follow him.

And we're talking staking out his hotel.

Provided this Prince isn't rolling with Lindsay Lohan, I don't know what he has to hide.

I think it's a great opportunity.

Well, uh, let the record show I put up a Valiant fight.

Uh, speaking of fights, where do things stand with you and Vanessa? Have you guys talked? Uh, yes, only to reiterate the fact that we have nothing to talk about.

You know, I was angry with Vanessa, too, but you guys have been friends your whole lives.

That's not something you give up without some thought.

This say "sexy and smart.

" No, it says "let's get dinner and make a sex tape.

" Keep looking.

Hello? Bonjour, Blair.

C'est Louis.

Did you get the package I sent you? Of course I did.

Although I-I must say I was a bit surprised.

I-I thought you'd never wanted to see me again after the way I left you in Paris.

No, not at all, unless the reason you left Paris is still in your life.

Uh no, no.

He isn't.

Um, that's over.

Then we are both free with, I hope, a perfect day ahead of us.

Exactly, and you are in my country now.

I'm going to introduce you to all the best New York has to offer.

Tell your valet to press your suit, because following an afternoon of museums and cafes, we're going to the pink party, an exclusive gathering of New York's elite society.

I'm afraid No one but you can know I'm here, Blair.

Is that okay? Of course.

I've recently learned of a few places that nobody like us would ever be caught dead in, so I'm going to create you a new itinerary and text you how we should meet.

A très bientôt, impatiente de te voir.

Moi aussi.

What's with the emergency text? We're gonna be late for class.

Oh, I'm not making it to class today, which is why you'll be taking notes for me.

But it's nearly finals.

What's more important than school? Miss Blair has a date with-- actually, I'd rather not say who just yet.

I'm taking a page from Gwyneth and Chris.

The relationship means too much to me to be dissected by the masses.

Hand me that m.

C.

L.

Cuff I gave you for Christmas.

Oh, perfect.

If she won't say who it is, I know someone who can find out for us.

Okay, so the idea is that we search the "Gossip Girl" archives for evidence of Dan and Blair sneaking around so you know for sure if Vanessa's telling the truth? That's the basic idea.

And I'm sorry.

I'm still new at this.

How is that better than just asking them? Well, because if Vanessa is lying and it isn't true, then I'm a horrible friend for believing her, but if it is true, then they're horrible friends for not telling me.

Right there.

They went out of town together.

Oh, that doesn't mean anything.

They went to cornwall to find Juliet because she drugged me and tried to convince everyone I was crazy.

Sure 'Cause that happens.

They were spotted seeing a film Dan lives at the film forum, and Blair was obsessed with that orangutan.

It could be a coincidence.

Hey, Upper East Siders, word is that b.

Is headed for a secret rendez-vous.

Question is, with who? Okay, are you ready to help me out, Upper East Side style? First, I need to teach you how to use the "Gossip Girl" spotted" map.

Hey.

Dan's standing outside of some restaurant called Veselka, but he's definitely acting weird.

Veselka, and guilty-weird or hungry-weird? The man loves his pierogies.

You know, I'm not very good at this.

Maybe you should just come down here and see for yourself.

See, I can't.

That's the double-edged sword of "Gossip Girl" I'd be spotted.

Okay.

He's going inside.

Stand by.

Someone else just arrived in a town car.

Humphrey! You have to leave.

No one can see me here, and although you fall under that moniker, I still need you to go.

Me? Wh-what are you doing here, deep in N.

Y.

U.

Territory? Iv you've developed a passion for Ukrainian food, then I think we did spend too much time together.

Actually, I'm on a date.

You can handle that, right? We're just friends.

Date away.

Okay.

You didn't see me here.

Okay.

Hi! I'm sorry, Serena, but it's Blair.

She's inside with Dan right now.

I think I think they're on a date.

Poor s.

Apparently, Blair and Dan's boots are made for walking Right all over you.

Look who it is! Blair and-- Serena! Louis! Bonjour, Serena.

Nice to see you.

Excuse us.

It was so romantic.

My Vivier arrived with a note from Louis.

Usually I'd make him wait a standard 48 hours before going on a date, but I make exceptions for royalty.

And you bring royalty to Veselka.

Believe me, I'd rather be at Petrossian, but he's here in secret, so he has to keep a low profile, and what's lower than this? Look, Serena, you can't say anything to anyone.

As much as I'd love to tell the world, this must remain a secret for now.

I won't say a word, but I do expect a full report.

Of course.

It'll start like this.

"Once upon a time" A girl kept her date waiting too long.

Go, go, go.

So what happened? Blair wasn't with Dan.

She was with a guy named Louis Grimaldi.

They met in Paris last summer.

But I saw Dan go in.

You've met so many people in such a short amount of time, anyone would get confused.

I remember him.

I'm telling you, it was Dan.

Look, you did great.

We have confirmation that Blair wasn't with Dan and that Vanessa was lying.

Mission accomplished.

You ready to go uptown? Um you know, actually, can I meet you later? I was hoping I could check out N.

Y.

U.

While I was down here.

Yeah, of course.

Have fun.

All I know about my mom is that her name is Avery thorpe, and she had me when she was 22.

Maybe you should talk to Chuck about this.

He went through something very similar.

I'm not ready to discuss this with anyone but you.

Do you think this will be enough for the private investigator to find her? Yeah, it's worth a call.

Single malt for breakfast? Takes the edge off the coke.

I'm gonna go make that call.

Is there a problem? With Raina, no.

But when you're ready to talk about whatever's up with you, let me know.

Hi.

Ah, the warm greeting of a friendship off the tracks.

Come on, Vanessa.

I'm--I'm making an effort here.

Apologies for being thrown by your sunny attitude.

You've made it pretty clear that you're done with me.

I know I have, I know I have, but I was with my dad today, and I swung by Veselka.

Listen, I'm right by campus.

You wanna grab some coffee? So all my heartfelt attempts to save our friendship had no impact, but the aroma of cheese and dough turned you instantly sentimental? They do say smell is the sense most associated with memory.

Well, I'm--I'm heading to school now, but I have class.

I could do drinks later tonight.

Hey, what are you doing by N.

Y.

U.

? Don't you have off Fridays? Yeah, I do, but I got this writing job down here, uh, and then I realized it was a conflict of interest, so I quit, and, uh, now I-- well, why don't I explain everything to you tonight? Okay.

I'll, um, I'll see you then.

All right, good.

Oh, hello, darling.

How are you? Oh, I'm fine.

Fine.

So is someone else bringing the items for the gift bags? I'm so sorry, Lily.

Helping out was a lovely thought, but with the party for the breast cancer research foundation being tonight, we felt it would just be easier to do the gift bags at Blaine's during prep.

Well, I'm disappointed, of course, but the success of the event is the, uh, priority.

Would you mind asking Vanya to send over the food? I would hate for it to go to waste.

You know how the trumps love their tea sandwiches.

Of course.

Ahem.

I'm fine, really.

Hey! Where are they going with those scones? Uh, my guess is Blaine trump's.

I think your mother may have underestimated the impact of her sentence on her social standing.

The only thing thicker than blood is the ink on "page six.

" Where's Raina? She went back to her hotel.

I think your whole, uh, Howard Hughes routine is starting to freak her out a little bit.

It's actually starting to freak me out, too, man.

Talk to me.

I saw what you two were looking at this morning-- the tattered box, old photographs.

Is Raina looking for her mother? It's a mistake.

You have to stop her.

Look, man, I know what happened with your mom was painful.

But at least you got some answers.

Raina deserves the same, and she can handle it.

You don't know that.

Raina's been away at college, living a high-profile life which anyone could follow online.

If her mother wanted to get in touch with her, she would have done it by now.

Raina just lost her father.

Do you really think she's ready to be rejected by her mother all over again? I'll talk to her.

Andrew, it's Chuck bass.

I need you to find out everything you can about the fire at the Kinberg building.

I need to know Was Avery thorpe there that night? I was so focused on getting the perfect outfit that I didn't realize it was freezing outside.

Will you go get me a cardigan from upstairs? Is everything okay? That was Lucien, my royal advisor.

I'm afraid I've been found out.

My parents have been informed, and Lucien's on a plane now to escort me back to Paris.

I don't understand.

Just because you wanted a weekend away in New York? The truth is, I'm here to see you.

I've mentioned you many times since the summer, but my parents don't approve.

You are a commoner.

Well, have they have seen Princess Stephanie's husbands? I'm not a circus performer.

You're anything but common.

But the royal birthright has many strings attached.

When my advisor discovered I was in New York, he hired one of your friends to follow me.

I will see to it personally that Penelope is deported to a desperate third world country, preferably someplace with Sharia Law.

It was a man.

He saw us at Veselka.

Dan Humphrey? He--he wouldn't do that.

Lucien probably made him a very good offer.

I was a fool to think I'd be allowed to follow my heart, even if only for a few days.

Go back to your hotel and put on your suit.

I know who can fix this.

Hey.

Meet me at Paul Smith in half an hour.

You know why, and you should be ashamed of yourself.

How did you find out? I always find out.

Just be there.

Charlie may be new to the city, but apparently she already knows how to get around.

Who needs a map when you can just follow the cheater? Blair, I swear I had no idea.

Some magazine editor called me out of the blue to hire me to write an article on your Prince, and I backed out the minute I knew he was with you.

Oh, you should have been suspicious the minute someone wanted to pay you for your writing.

That wasn't an editor.

It was one of Louis' royal handlers, and your desperate need for literary validation cost me the greatest date of my life.

Well, I'm sorry.

I know you are, and that is why I'm giving you the opportunity to make this right.

Louis told his handler, Lucien, that he came to New York for a charity event tonight, and Lucien doesn't believe him, so when he comes to pick Louis up from the party to take him to the airport.

We are going to convince him that Louis is a casual summer acquaintance, and you and I are madly in love.

Why would he believe that? We are going to stage a private intimate moment for Lucien to stumble upon.

When he realizes that Louis was telling the truth and he has nothing to worry about, he'll go back to Paris, leaving Louis behind for me.

No way.

I thought you were my friend.

I am, which is why I'm going to point out to you what a bad idea this is.

For starters, Serena's gonna be at this party.

She's staying with lily tonight.

Fine, then everyone else in the world will be at this party.

We'd have to tell Serena about the plan.

Absolutely not.

You and I faking a kiss-- do you really wanna have that conversation with Serena? Can't be half as painful as this one.

Think ahead, Humphrey.

What if Serena tells Chuck, who, though up till now, quiet about our misbegotten make-out, decides to speak up in the face of this latest insult? When you bring Chuck into it, you're far more convincing.

Okay, fine.

You're paying for the tie.

What about "it's a wonderful life"? That'll cheer mom up.

No, no, she's in a dark place.

She has to work out her issues with "The Godfather" or "Taxi Driver.

" What about "intolerance"? That pretty much sums up this situation.

I was hoping to find one sympathetic pink party planner to advocate on your mom's behalf, get the party moved here from the trumps' so she could be a part of it.

You know, I might live on the Upper East Side, but I have no pull here.

Now if the pink party was at CBGB's I hate to break it to you, but CBGB's is a clothing store now.

You know, now that I think about it, there is a way we could get the party moved.

All you'd have to do is make a slight moral compromise.

Eric, I know what you're talking about.

I'm not doing that.

Not doing what? Bubbles mas intosh, the co-chair, tried to kiss Serena in the ladies' bathroom at the pink party last year.

Using that information would be crossing a line.

I wouldn't ask you to do that.

What if I was willing to cross that line? I want the party moved more than anyone, but it's not worth resorting to blackmail.

Yeah.

Y-you're probably right.

So, "Psycho" or "Silence of The Lambs"? All right, make the call.

Where are you guys heading? Nate told me what you said, but I got a call from my P.

I.

, and he thinks he may have found my mother.

It turns out she wasn't trying very hard to hide.

In fact, she-- she lives in Jersey, same name, right age.

I have an address for her.

I have to at least talk to her.

Have you figured out what you might say to this woman? Do you want me to come along? I know we've been on opposing teams for a while, but I've been through this.

Maybe I could be helpful.

Actually Yeah.

I'd appreciate that.

I really hope it's my mom, Chuck.

Me, too.

Louis is going to store his suitcase in Blaine trump's Butler's pantry.

When Lucien arrives, you and I will rendez-vous there.

Okay, I need to get going.

You clear on the plan? Uh, yeah, I think I'll be fine once I figure out what a Butler's pantry is.

You're a cater waiter.

You know exactly what a Butler's pantry is.

Where is my cell phone? O.

M.

G.

They moved the pink party.

Who moves a party? It's not who that should concern you.

It's where--lily's.

So that's it, then, right? No.

The plan is still on.

In front of my dad, lily, Serena? Not in front of-- under the nose of.

We just need to be careful.

I'm gonna call Louis and tell him it's a go.

Meet you there.

Screw this up, it's your head.

Sorry, lonely boy, but it looks like this is going to be a "surrender the pink" party for you.

Lily.

Hi.

Check out the diamonds on that lady.

They're almost as big as my face.

A gift from her husband-- "sorry I slept with the au pair" earrings.

Have you seen Dan and Blair? No, and what do we do when they get here? It's not like they're gonna be holding hands in front of everyone.

Oh, the thrill of a secret affair is the sneaking around.

Trust me, they won't be able to resist slipping away for a moment together.

And when we see them slip away? You follow them, record what you see, and send it to "Gossip Girl.

" Their secret ends tonight.

Just make sure to text me once Lucien arrives.

Of course.

Thank you for this, Blair.

I just wish you didn't have to go to these lengths for me to stay.

It is saying a lot that I have to kiss Dan Humphrey to protect you.

You're going to kiss him? Don't worry.

He's just a friend.

I'll go up first.

I can't believe the ladies agreed to move the party.

After the frosty treatment I got from Anne this afternoon, I was sure it was just me and my ankle monitor until fall.

I can't believe we pulled this off.

Thank you so much for helping.

Oh, no, don't thank me.

Thank bubbles.

As if we'd want to be associated with a criminal.

She's an embarrassment.

We all agreed she's not to be in any photos from the event.

Okay, Blair, is it Jason Simos? He's my boyfriend, Jessica.

A handy at greenhouse doesn't make him your boyfriend.

Maybe Serena knows who Blair's secret boyfriend is.

No, but the curiosity is k*lling me.

Okay, I'll tell you.

Not you.

Scatter.

I can't wait to see the look on their faces when they find out it's the Prince.

You are not to breathe a word of this.

Normally, you'd have to sign a nondisclosure agreement.

I'm only grandfathering you in because of Serena.

That him right over there? Don't understand why you guys are ignoring each other.

That's because you're from Florida.

Oh, hey, it's Dan.

With a really nice tie, too.

Blair, did you know he was coming? I'm sorry.

I stopped listening as soon as I heard the word "Dan.

" Excuse me.

I can't believe it.

She just lied to my face, even after I gave her the opportunity to tell me.

It's not like I'm dating Dan or wanna get back together with him, but the fact th the two of them have been hiding this from me, and she's supposed to be my best friend? It didn't seem like she was lying.

What if she really is with the Prince? Then she won't mind it if you flirt with Dan.

Maybe this was a mistake.

Look, if you're not ready, we don't have to do this.

We can leave right now.

I'll handle it from here, okay? You jump in when you're ready.

Excuse me.

Hi.

May I take your order? Actually, we're here to see you.

Is your name Avery Thorpe? I'm sorry.

Do I know you? That's what we're trying to find out.

My name is Raina, and I think you may be my--my mother.

I'm sorry, sweet heart, but that's not possible.

I know it's not easy to acknowledge these things when you're put on the spot.

If you don't wanna be bothered, we can go.

I've never had a child.

It's not that I didn't want one.

Just wasn't in God's plan.

I'm so sorry, but I'm not the woman you're looking for.

You were right.

It was a mistake to look.

And as far as I'm concerned, my mother is dead.

No, no, don't let Sarah Palin ruin it for you.

Alaska is amazing.

I don't know, but between "into the wild" and that Werner Herzog movie with the grizzly, I don't think it's for me.

Excuse me.

This is Dan Humphrey, Serena's ex-boyfriend, which makes him off-limits to you, and you should know better.

Certain people might see you, misunderstand, and think the two of you are here together.

I need to speak to you about your behavior, privately.

What do you do when cornered by a bear? Uh, go fetal.

Cover your neck.

For someone who's just a friend, you sure are good at choreographing reasons for us to kiss.

Oh, it's because I'm willing to suffer for love.

Whatever you say, just no getting hands-y.

Thank you.

Oh, Anne, there you are.

I just wanted to say thank you so much for having the party moved here so that I could attend.

Oh, please, lily.

At least I was quiet in my humiliation.

I didn't blackmail people and force them to come to my home.

She had nothing to do with it, Anne.

It's all my doing.

I have to say, I'm surprised.

I thought we were friends.

Why? You don't know how to be a friend.

You shut me out when I called off my divorce to the captain.

There's not a woman in this room who didn't take some pleasure in your downfall, myself included.

So enjoy the party, lily.

This will be your last.

Oh, and you may wanna adjust your dress.

Your monitor's showing.

I'm so sorry, lily.

Are you okay? When Lucien walked in to get the bag, I saw the look on his face.

He totally bought it.

You're very convincing.

Thanks, I guess.

Blair Waldorf and Dan Humphrey? This is even better than my parents' divorce.

Please tell me it's true.

Uh Yes, it's true.

Dan is my mystery date, and we couldn't be happier.

Now we have to find Serena and explain this.

Hey, what's all the commotion about? Everyone finally found out about Dan and Blair.

But it isn't true.

They're just putting on an act to protect me.

Maybe that's what she told you, but they've been secretly seeing each other for months.

You shouldn't be surprised.

She lied to you in Paris, too.

I'm sorry.

Serena, wait.

I can explain.

I'll be right back.

Uh-oh.

Lily may be wearing her dancing shoes, but it looks like she's about to make a run for it.

Hey, I'm headed over to Raina's.

I just don't want her to be alone tonight.

I know you disagree, but I think she should keep looking for her mom.

She looked.

It wasn't her.

Give it up already.

So the first lead didn't pan out.

She has to stop.

Russell's parting gift to me was a story about my father.

You remember how I told you my dad was responsible for that fire in his old building? Russell owned it, too.

They were partners.

He says his wife was there that night, and she died in the fire.

How do you know he's even telling the truth? I don't, but today when that woman wasn't Raina's mother, I realized how desperately I wanted her to be.

So maybe I do believe it.

What are you gonna do? Try to find out the truth.

Serena, that video wasn't real.

I mean, we did--we did kiss, but it was staged.

Okay, even if I did believe you, what about the other time you guys kissed? Was that for Louis, too? Uh it meant nothing.

It was like kissing my brother, I just mean, we really wanna be with Chuck.

I don't understand.

How did you end up in a kiss in the first place--any kiss? We both were alone in the city over Christmas break.

And we ran into each other at the movies.

And then it kept happening after the break, only we started making plans to meet.

And even worse, enjoying it.

But you guys are my two closest friends.

Why couldn't you just tell me that? I was hoping it would go away.

I was humiliated, which is why we kissed.

To make sure nothing else was going on to complicate us or--or hurt you.

And? Biggest regret of my life.

I mean, that's a--come on.

That's a little bit an overstatement, but, yeah, it was not a good kiss.

So you guys have been lying to me and sneaking around for months so that you can hang out as friends? Exactly.

Friends.

Yeah, I swear.

Just--yeah, friends.

Well, I'm really glad you two found each other because you sure lost me.

I have to go.

I'm really sorry, S.

I guess I was in denial.

I didn't want to admit that I'd begun to understand e Humphrey appeal.

The only appeal Dan ever had to you was that he was mine.

You would see it that way, because it's always about you, isn't it? I'm sorry to break it to you, but Dan and I have a real connection.

We did things like visit the DIA and debate Chabrol versus Rohmer-- things that we could never do with you.

Yeah, I'm--I'm sure you and Dan had a really deep connection, that is until a Prince came along.

Of course, because that would be an even bigger threat to you.

What's that supposed to mean? You prefer when you are the one in the spotlight, but it's my turn now.

You can have a taste of what it's like to be in my shadow for once.

Now if you'll excuse me, my Prince awaits.

Lily Humphrey? Ma'am, you're violating the terms of your incarceration by being down here.

Ah, there you are.

It took you long enough.

I'm sorry? My apartment is teeming with women throwing back champagne c*ck and toasting my misfortune.

Honestly, it's worth risking an orange jumpsuit not to have to face another Botox b*tch in a pink c*ck dress.

This is my way of saying could you please do me a favor? I'm here to arrest you.

Yes, well, there was some confusion about the perimeter-- whether the alarm was for the apartment or the building.

In the meantime, there have been horrible noise complaints from the neighbors.

I really think we should do something about that.

Hey.

Have you seen Louis? Ah, the Prince.

I can't find him anywhere.

I don't know who that is.

Have you seen my mother? Hey! All right, everybody.

The party is over.

Time to grab your Judith Leibers, ladies.

Looks like the Upper East Side's smoothest criminal has just given you the boot.

I am so sorry about tonight.

Don't be.

First of all, it was so sweet of you to move the party for me.

And I needed to hear those things that Anne said.

The fact is, maybe I could use a little time to reflect on my actions and what got me here.

There is nothing more appealing to me than staying home with you, watching a hundred movies and never seeing those women again.

Well, good, because I can promise you that's what we'll do for at least the next nine months.

Or six, for good behavior.

I totally understand if you don't want to see me, but I just wanted to tell you in person how sorry I am for recording you.

It was probably for the best.

I saw the kiss.

I think you really like her.

Yeah, you might be right.

I've been trying to convince myself that I could handle being friends with her, but I realize tonight that I can't.

I know from experience what it's like to watch from the outside as someone else walks away with the person you want.

Yeah, I just never thought that the person I want would be Blair Waldorf.

Neither did Serena.

She just thought some girl named Vanessa was messing with her.

Wait.

Vanessa told her about the kiss? Not Chuck? She left her a message, saying she overheard you and Blair talking about it? All right.

I've taken up enough of your time tonight.

So thanks for hearing me out.

No, actually, you know what? Hold on.

Do you, uh Did you wanna stay? Thanks for coming back for me.

I just stood up in front of everyone who matters in New York society and said I was dating Dan Humphrey.

I committed social suicide for you.

But Serena told me you've been having an affair with him.

She misunderstood.

We've been friends.

That's all.

You have to believe me.

You're the only man in my life now, the only man I want there, anyway.

I believe you.

You do? But being together means going against my family, and if I'm going to take a stand, I need to know for certain that you feel as I do.

I do.

Are you ready to go public, my family be damned? I'm ready if you are.

There they are! You can never really know someone until you walk a mile in their shoes.

Salut, Jean Michel.

It's Serena Van Der Woodsen from Paris last summer.

I was with Blair and Louis tonight, and it made me think about you, wanna call you and catch up, and, you know, see what's going on in your life and Louis'.

At first, it might not seem like the most natural fit What's in there? That used to be my sister's room and then it was a nursery, then it was Vanessa's room, and now it is my office.

It's a pretty versatile living space.

Uh, you know, check it out if you want, but I gotta get this.

Hi.

I figured if you were beat, we could just hang here.

Actually, I was planning on standing you up.

I know you told Serena about the kiss with Blair.

I was gonna tell you tonight to explain why I left the message.

I wasn't trying to hurt you.

I honestly thought something must be very wrong if you were kissing Blair Waldorf.

And since you weren't talking to me, I thought you might listen to Serena.

Vanessa, I know we've been friends since we were little, and we both like pierogies, and my dad really misses you, but just to be clear, so there's no misunderstanding down the road, we are not friends anymore.

Is everything okay? Yeah.

Yeah, it is.

But walk around in those shoes long enough, and you'll discover you just might like it.

Your dad gave me these security tapes after the kinberg building burned down and asked me to lock them away.

This one's from 8:00 P.

M.

the night of the fire.

What's on it? Bart, having an argument with a woman--Avery thorpe.

Then Avery goes into the building alone, and Bart hurries away.

Okay.

So? Moments later, the building goes up in flames, and Avery thorpe is never heard from again.

Just don't get too comfortable, kids, because you never know when the other shoe is going to drop.

X.

O.

X.

O.

, Gossip Girl.

[bunniefuu]

(OG version)


Gossip girl here--

Your one and only source

Into the scandalous lives

Of manhattan's elite.

I'm assuming

You are cousin charlie.

I'd like to stay.

Why don't I show you

Your new room?

I know you don't wanna

Hear from me, but dan humphrey

Kissed blair waldorf.

You said that you were

Responsible for a fire

In one of your own buildings.

I've had that man's death

On my conscience for 20 years.

Someone died?

Why do you think

The security guard

Was in the building?

He was trying to save my wife.

My dad always said she never

Tried to contact us,

But I can't help but wonder,

Since he lied about

So much other stuff...

I called the d.a.

Ten minutes ago.

Once I go on record

With the truth,

No one can hold this

Against us anymore.

We can build our futures

Together.

Now that I know I'm ready,

I realize you're not.

I think I just met

A real-life prince.

Will I ever see you again?

[Blair]

You can always come find me.

And who am i?

That's a secret

I'll never tell.

You know you love me.

X.o.x.o., Gossip girl.

[White nights' "oh land"

Playing]

Diamonds are

A girl's best friend,

But ask

Any upper east side girl

To show you

Her most prized possession...

And we bet the box is vivier,

Not cartier.

♪ Has it been a day or a week? ♪

Miss blair, you have not taken

Off the shoes since it arrived.

You must rest your feet.

There's no time for rest.

Didn't you read louis' note?

He wants to spend the day

With me, and we still haven't

Picked out the perfect dress.

Where's serena?

At van der woodsens'.

Miss serena been

Very good daughter

Since miss lily get sentenced

To house arrest.

Well, now she's gonna be

A very good friend

Because I'm going to

Raid her closet.

♪ These dreams under my pillow ♪

But the truth is

Just because the shoe fits,

Doesn't mean you want to

Wear it.

♪ These dreams under my pillow ♪

♪ In the twilight ♪

♪ Of these white nights ♪

♪ Of these white nights ♪

♪ Of these white nights ♪

♪ Of these white nights ♪

Hey, mom.

We're back from our tour

Of the best pastry shops

In manhattan.

I did a linzer tart taste test.

I had three espressos and then I

Picked a fight with a barista.

Then I have the perfect place

For you to channel your energy.

Laryssa is out running errands,

And I need someone

To help me clear this out

Before everyone gets here.

By "this,"

Do you mean the spoils

Of your online shopping safari?

And by "everyone,

You mean, uh--

I invited the planning committee

To help put together

The gift bags

For the pink party.

I figure it's the least

I can do,

And it'd be nice to hang

With the girls.

And they're--they're coming?

Why wouldn't they?

Well, I just thought that,

You know, with the--

Nonsense. They're my friends.

Eric, do you mind helping mom?

I, uh, need to talk to charlie

About something privately.

Thanks for the movies.

You wanna come over later

And join us for some screenings?

Um... You know what?

I might--i might have a thing.

A thing?

That's intriguingly vague.

Another development

In the complicated non-friends

Hang-out situation?

No, that situation

Has figured itself out.

It's official. We're, uh,

We're just friends.

Uh, no, the thing today

Is actually a job.

I got a call from the editor

Of "paris match."

Read my blog in "w," wants me

To do some additional reporting

On a story for them today.

Dan, that's... [Gasps]

That's fantastic.

I know. I know. I know.

I should be, uh, happy,

But it--the piece seems

Kinda sleazy.

The editor got some tip

That this european prince

Is gonna be in town, wants to do

A day-in-the-life story,

Like what a royal does

In new york,

And the guy doesn't like

The media, apparently,

Which in this case is me, so

That means I gotta follow him.

Hmm.

And we're talking

Staking out his hotel.

Provided this prince

Isn't rolling

With lindsay lohan, I don't know

What he has to hide.

I think

It's a great opportunity.

Well, uh, let the record show

I put up a valiant fight.

Uh, speaking of fights,

Where do things stand

With you and vanessa?

Have you guys talked?

Uh, yes, only to reiterate

The fact

That we have nothing

To talk about.

You know, I was angry

With vanessa, too,

But you guys have been

Friends your whole lives.

That's not something you give up

Without some thought.

[Door opens]

[Door closes]

This say "sexy and smart."

No, it says "let's get dinner

And make a sex tape."

[Cell phone rings]

Keep looking.

[Ring, beep]

Hello?

Bonjour, blair. C'est louis.

Did you get the package

I sent you?

Of course I did.

Although i-i must say

I was a bit surprised.

I-i thought you'd never

Wanted to see me again

After the way I left you

In paris.

No, not at all,

Unless the reason

You left paris

Is still in your life.

Uh... No, no. He isn't.

Um, that's over.

Then we are both free with,

I hope,

A perfect day ahead of us.

Exactly, and you are

In my country now.

I'm going to introduce you

To all the best new york

Has to offer. Tell your valet

To press your suit,

Because following an afternoon

Of museums and cafes,

We're going to the pink party,

An exclusive gathering

Of new york's elite society.

I'm afraid...

No one but you can know

I'm here, blair.

Is that okay?

Of course.

I've recently learned

Of a few places

That nobody like us

Would ever be caught dead in,

So I'm going to create you

A new itinerary and text you

Where we should meet.

À très bientôt.

Impatiente de te voir.

Moi aussi.

[Beep]

What's with the emergency text?

We're gonna be late for class.

Oh, I'm not making it

To class today,

Which is why you'll be

Taking notes for me.

But it's nearly finals. What's

More important than school?

Miss blair has a date with--

Actually, I'd rather

Not say who just yet.

I'm taking a page

From gwyneth and chris.

The relationship

Means too much to me

To be dissected

By the masses.

Hand me that m.c.l. Cuff

I gave you for christmas.

[Clack]

Ahem.

Oh, perfect.

If she won't say who it is,

I know someone who can

Find out for us.

[Beeping]

Okay, so the idea is that

We search

The "gossip girl" archives

For evidence of

Dan and blair sneaking around

So you know for sure

If vanessa's telling the truth?

That's the basic idea.

And... I'm sorry.

I'm still new at this.

How is that better

Than just asking them?

Well, because if vanessa

Is lying and it isn't true,

Then I'm a horrible friend

For believing her,

But if it is true,

Then they're horrible friends

For not telling me.

[Sighs] right there.

They went out of town

Together.

Oh, that doesn't mean

Anything.

They went to cornwall

To find juliet because

She drugged me and tried to

Convince everyone I was crazy.

Sure... 'Cause that happens.

They were spotted seeing a film

Called "nénette"

At the film forum.

Dan lives at the film forum,

And blair was obsessed

With that orangutan.

It could be a coincidence.

[Computer chimes]

Hey, upper east siders,

Word is that b. Is headed

For a secret rendezvous.

Question is, with who?

Okay, are you ready

To help me out,

Upper east side style?

First, I need to teach you

How to use the "gossip girl"

Spotted" map.

[Horns honk in distance]

[Click]

[Clicking, ring, beep]

Hey.

Dan's standing outside

Of some restaurant

Called vessel-ka, but he's

Definitely acting weird.

Veselka, and guilty-weird

Or hungry-weird?

The man loves his pierogies.

You know,

I'm not very good at this.

Maybe you should just come down

Here and see for yourself.

See, I can't.

That's the double-edged sword of

"Gossip girl." I'd be spotted.

Okay. He's going inside.

Stand by.

Someone else just arrived

In a town car.

[Gasps]

[Sighs]

Humphrey!

You have to leave.

No one can see me here,

And although you fall

Under that moniker,

I still need you to go.

Me? Wh-what are you doing here,

Deep in n.y.u. Territory?

Iv you've developed a passion

For ukrainian food,

Then I think we did

Spend too much time together.

Actually, I'm on a date.

You can handle that, right?

We're just friends.

Date away.

Okay.

You didn't see me here.

Okay.

[Speaks indistinctly]

Hi! [Kisses]

I'm sorry, serena,

But it's blair.

She's inside with dan right now.

I think...

I think they're on a date.

Poor s. Apparently,

Blair and dan's boots

Are made for walking...

Right all over you.

[Laughs]

Look who it is!

Blair and--

Serena!

Louis!

Bonjour, serena.

Nice to see you.

Excuse us.

[Lowered voice]

It was so romantic.

My vivier arrived

With a note from louis.

Usually I'd make him wait

A standard 48 hours

Before going on a date, but I

Make exceptions for royalty.

And you bring royalty

To veselka.

Believe me, I'd rather be

At petrossian,

But he's here in secret,

So he has to keep a low profile,

And what's lower than this?

Look, serena, you can't say

Anything to anyone.

As much as I'd love to tell

The world,

This must remain a secret

For now.

I won't say a word,

But I do expect a full report.

Of course. It'll start like

This. "Once upon a time..."

A girl kept her date

Waiting too long. Go, go, go.

[Laughs]

[Horn honks]

So what happened?

Blair wasn't with dan. She was

With a guy named louis grimaldi.

They met in paris last summer.

But I saw dan go in.

You've met so many people in

Such a short amount of time,

Anyone would get confused.

I remember him.

I'm telling you, it was dan.

Look, you did great.

We have confirmation that blair

Wasn't with dan

And that vanessa was lying.

Mission accomplished.

You ready to go uptown?

Um... You know, actually,

Can I meet you later?

I was hoping I could check out

N.y.u. While I was down here.

Yeah, of course. Have fun.

[Engine starts]

[Beeps]

All I know about my mom is that

Her name is avery thorpe,

And she had me

When she was 22.

Maybe you should talk

To chuck about this.

He went through something

Very similar.

I'm not ready to discuss this

With anyone but you.

Do you think this will be enough

For the private investigator

To find her?

Yeah, it's worth a call.

Single malt for breakfast?

Takes the edge

Off the coke.

I'm gonna go make that call.

Is there a problem?

With raina, no.

But when you're ready to talk

About whatever's up with you,

Let me know.

[Cell phone rings, beep]

Hi.

Ah, the warm greeting of

A friendship off the tracks.

Come on, vanessa.

I'm--i'm making an effort here.

Apologies for being thrown

By your sunny attitude.

You've made it pretty clear

That you're done with me.

I know I have, I know I have,

But I was with my dad today,

And I swung by veselka.

Listen, I'm right by campus.

You wanna grab some coffee?

So all my heartfelt attempts

To save our friendship

Had no impact, but the aroma

Of cheese and dough

Turned you

Instantly sentimental?

They do say smell is the sense

Most associated with memory.

Well, I'm--i'm heading

To school now, but I have class.

I could do drinks later tonight.

Hey, what are you

Doing by n.y.u.?

Don't you have off fridays?

Yeah, I do, but I got

This writing job down here,

Uh, and then I realized

It was a conflict of interest,

So I quit, and, uh, now i--

Well, why don't I explain

Everything to you tonight?

Okay. I'll, um,

I'll see you then.

All right, good.

[Elevator bell dings]

Oh, hello, darling.

How are you?

Oh, I'm fine. Fine. So is

Someone else bringing the items

For the gift bags?

[Sighs] I'm so sorry, lily.

Helping out

Was a lovely thought,

But with the party

For the breast cancer research

Foundation being tonight,

We felt

It would just be easier

To do the gift bags

At blaine's during prep.

Well, I'm disappointed,

Of course,

But the success of the event

Is the, uh, priority.

Would you mind asking vanya

To send over the food?

I would hate for it

To go to waste.

You know how the trumps

Love their tea sandwiches.

Of course. Ahem.

I'm fine, really.

Hey! Where are they going

With those scones?

Uh, my guess is

Blaine trump's.

I think your mother may have

Underestimated

The impact of her sentence

On her social standing.

The only thing thicker than

Blood is the ink on "page six."

Where's raina?

She went back to her hotel.

I think your whole, uh,

Howard hughes routine

Is starting to freak her out

A little bit.

It's actually starting

To freak me out, too, man.

Talk to me.

I saw what you two were

Looking at this morning--

The tattered box,

Old photographs.

Is raina looking

For her mother?

It's a mistake.

You have to stop her.

Look, man, I know what happened

With your mom was painful.

But at least you got

Some answers.

Raina deserves the same,

And she can handle it.

You don't know that.

Raina's been away at college,

Living a high-profile life which

Anyone could follow online.

If her mother wanted

To get in touch with her,

She would have done it by now.

Raina just lost her father.

Do you really think

She's ready to be rejected

By her mother

All over again?

I'll talk to her.

[Beeps]

Andrew, it's chuck bass.

I need you to find out

Everything you can

About the fire

At the kinberg building.

I need to know...

Was avery thorpe there

That night?

I was so focused

On getting the perfect outfit

That I didn't realize

It was freezing outside.

Will you go get me a cardigan

From upstairs?

[Beep]

Is everything okay?

That was lucien,

My royal advisor.

I'm afraid I've been found out.

My parents have been informed,

And lucien's on a plane now

To escort me back to paris.

I don't understand.

Just because you wanted

A weekend away in new york?

The truth is,

I'm here to see you.

I've mentioned you many times

Since the summer,

But my parents don't approve.

You are a commoner.

Well, have they have seen

Princess stephanie's husbands?

I'm not a circus performer.

[Chuckles]

You're anything but common.

But the royal birthright

Has many strings attached.

When my advisor discovered

I was in new york,

He hired one of your friends

To follow me.

I will see to it personally

That penelope is deported

To a desperate

Third world country,

Preferably someplace

With sharia law.

It was a man.

He saw us at veselka.

Dan humphrey?

He--he wouldn't do that.

Lucien probably made him

A very good offer.

I was a fool to think I'd be

Allowed to follow my heart,

Even if only

For a few days.

Go back to your hotel

And put on your suit.

I know who can fix this.

[Cell phone rings, beep]

Hey.

Meet me at paul smith

In half an hour.

You know why, and you should

Be ashamed of yourself.

How did you find out?

I always find out.

Just be there.

[Beep]

[Siren wailing in distance,

Horns honking]

Charlie may be new to the city,

But apparently she already

Knows how to get around.

Who needs a map when you can

Just follow the cheater?

Blair, I swear I had no idea.

Some magazine editor

Called me out of the blue

To hire me to write an article

On your prince,

And I backed out the minute

I knew he was with you.

Oh, you should have been

Suspicious the minute

Someone wanted to pay you

For your writing.

That wasn't an editor. It was

One of louis' royal handlers,

And your desperate need

For literary validation

Cost me the greatest date

Of my life.

Well, I'm sorry.

I know you are, and that is why

I'm giving you the opportunity

To make this right.

Louis told

His handler, lucien,

That he came to new york

For a charity event tonight,

And lucien doesn't believe him,

So when he comes

To pick louis up from the party

To take him to the airport.

We are going to convince him

That louis is

A casual summer acquaintance,

And you and I

Are madly in love.

Why would he believe that?

We are going to stage

A private intimate moment

For lucien to stumble upon.

When he realizes that louis

Was telling the truth and he has

Nothing to worry about,

He'll go back to paris,

Leaving louis behind for me.

No way.

I thought you were my friend.

I am, which is why

I'm going to point out to you

What a bad idea this is.

For starters,

Serena's gonna be

At this party.

She's staying with lily

Tonight.

Fine, then everyone else

In the world will be

At this party. We'd have to

Tell serena about the plan.

Absolutely not.

You and I faking a kiss--

Do you really wanna have

That conversation with serena?

Can't be half as painful

As this one.

[Scoffs] think ahead, humphrey.

What if serena tells chuck,

Who, though up till now,

Quiet about

Our misbegotten make-out,

Decides to speak up in the face

Of this latest insult?

When you bring chuck into it,

You're far more convincing.

Okay, fine.

You're paying for the tie.

[Phone camera shutter clicks]

[Sighs] what about

"It's a wonderful life"?

That'll cheer mom up.

No, no,

She's in a dark place.

She has to work out

Her issues

With "the godfather"

Or "taxi driver."

[Beep]

What about "intolerance"?

That pretty much sums up

This situation.

I was hoping to find

One sympathetic

Pink party planner

To advocate

On your mom's behalf,

Get the party moved here

From the trumps'

So she could be a part of it.

You know, I might live

On the upper east side,

But I have no pull here.

Now if the pink party

Was at cbgb's...

I hate to break it to you,

But cbgb's is

A clothing store now.

You know, now that I think

About it, there is a way

We could get the party moved.

All you'd have to do

Is make

A slight moral compromise.

Eric, I know what you're talking

About. I'm not doing that.

Not doing what?

Bubbles mackintosh,

The co-chair,

Tried to kiss serena

In the ladies' bathroom

At the pink party last year.

Using that information

Would be crossing a line.

I wouldn't ask you

To do that.

[Cell phone alert chimes,

Beep]

What if I was willing

To cross that line?

I want the party moved

More than anyone,

But it's not worth

Resorting to blackmail.

Yeah.

Y-you're probably right.

So, "psycho"

Or "silence of the lambs"?

All right, make the call.

[Sighs]

Where are you guys

Heading?

Nate told me what you said,

But I got a call from my p.i.,

And he thinks he may have

Found my mother.

It turns out she wasn't

Trying very hard to hide.

In fact, she--

She lives in jersey,

Same name, right age. [Sighs]

I have an address for her.

I have to at least

Talk to her.

Have you figured out what

You might say to this woman?

Do you want me

To come along?

I know we've been on

Opposing teams for a while,

But... I've been through this.

Maybe I could be helpful.

Actually...

Yeah.

I'd appreciate that.

I really hope it's my mom,

Chuck.

Me, too.

Louis is going to store

His suitcase

In blaine trump's

Butler's pantry.

When lucien arrives, you and I

Will rendezvous there.

[Lips pop] okay, I need to get

Going. You clear on the plan?

Uh, yeah, I think I'll be fine

Once I figure out

What a butler's pantry is.

You're a cater waiter.

You know exactly what

A butler's pantry is.

Where is my cell phone?

[Beep]

O.m.g.

They moved the pink party.

Who moves a party?

It's not who that should

Concern you. It's where--lily's.

So that's it, then, right?

No. The plan is still on.

In front of my dad,

Lily, serena?

Not in front of--

Under the nose of.

We just need to be careful.

I'm gonna call louis

And tell him it's a go.

Meet you there.

Screw this up, it's your head.

Sorry, lonely boy, but it looks

Like this is going to be

A "surrender the pink" party

For you.

[Clink]

[The ting tings' "hands"

Playing]

♪ Two hands ♪

♪ I wanna play the piano

With two hands ♪

Lily.

Hi.

♪ Should've learned,

Two hands... ♪

Check out the diamonds

On that lady.

They're almost as big

As my face.

A gift from her husband--

"Sorry I slept with

The au pair" earrings.

Have you seen

Dan and blair?

No, and what do we do when

They get here? It's not like

They're gonna be holding hands

In front of everyone.

Oh, the thrill of a secret

Affair is the sneaking around.

Trust me, they won't be

Able to resist

Slipping away

For a moment together.

And when we see them

Slip away?

You follow them,

Record what you see,

And send it to "gossip girl."

Their secret ends tonight.

♪ So clap your hands

If you're working too hard ♪

Just make sure to text me

Once lucien arrives.

Of course.

Thank you for this, blair.

I just wish you didn't have

To go to these lengths

For me to stay.

It is saying a lot that

I have to kiss dan humphrey

To protect you.

You're going to kiss him?

[Scoffs] don't worry. He's just

A friend. I'll go up first.

[Indistinct conversations]

I can't believe the ladies

Agreed to move the party.

After the frosty treatment I got

From anne this afternoon,

I was sure it was just me

And my ankle monitor until fall.

[Laughs]

[Indistinct conversations]

I can't believe

We pulled this off.

Thank you so much

For helping.

Oh, no, don't thank me.

Thank bubbles.

As if we'd want to be

Associated with a criminal.

She's an embarrassment.

We all agreed she's not to be

In any photos from the event.

♪ If you're working too hard ♪

♪ Clap your hands

If you're working too hard ♪

Okay, blair,

Is it jason simos?

He's my boyfriend, jessica.

A handy at greenhouse

Doesn't make him your boyfriend.

Maybe serena knows who

Blair's secret boyfriend is.

No, but the curiosity

Is k*lling me.

Okay, I'll tell you.

Not you. Scatter.



No overhears.

I can't wait to see

The look on their faces

When they find out

It's the prince.

You are not to breathe

A word of this.

Normally, you'd have to sign

A nondisclosure agreement.

I'm only grandfathering you in

Because of serena.

That him right over there?

Don't understand why you guys

Are ignoring each other.

That's because

You're from florida.

Oh, hey, it's dan.

With a really nice tie, too.

Blair, did you know

He was coming?

I'm sorry.

I stopped listening

As soon as I heard

The word "dan." Excuse me.

♪ Clap your hands

If you're working too hard ♪

I can't believe it.

She just lied to my face,

Even after I gave her

The opportunity to tell me.

It's not like I'm dating dan

Or wanna get back together

With him, but the fact

That the two of them have been

Hiding this from me,

And she's supposed to be

My best friend?

It didn't seem like

She was lying.

What if she really is

With the prince?

Then she won't mind it

If you flirt with dan.

♪ Too hard ♪

[Dishes clatter]

Maybe this was a mistake.

Look, if you're not ready,

We don't have to do this.

We can leave right now.

I'll handle it from here, okay?

You jump in when you're ready.

Excuse me.

Hi. May I take your order?

Actually,

We're here to see you.

Is your name avery thorpe?

I'm sorry. Do I know you?

That's what we're trying

To find out.

My name is raina, and I think

You may be my--my mother.

I'm sorry, sweetheart,

But that's not possible.

I know it's not easy

To acknowledge these things

When you're put on the spot.

If you don't wanna be bothered,

We can go.

I've never had a child.

It's not that I didn't want one.

Just wasn't in god's plan.

I'm so sorry, but I'm not

The woman you're looking for.

You were right.

It was a mistake to look.

And as far as I'm concerned,

My mother is dead.

[Cell phone alert chimes]

♪♪

[Indistinct conversations]

[Speaking indistinctly]

No, no, don't let

Sarah palin ruin it for you.

Alaska is amazing.

I don't know, but between

"Into the wild"

And that werner herzog movie

With the grizzly,

I don't think it's for me.

Excuse me. This is dan humphrey,

Serena's ex-boyfriend,

Which makes him off-limits

To you,

And you should know better.

Certain people might see you,

Misunderstand, and think the two

Of you are here together.

I need to speak to you

About your behavior, privately.

What do you do when cornered

By a bear?

Uh, go fetal.

Cover your neck.

For someone who's just a friend,

You sure are good

At choreographing reasons

For us to kiss.

Oh, it's because I'm willing

To suffer for love.

Whatever you say,

Just no getting hands-y.

[Speaking french]

Louis...

[Woman] ♪ I wanna

Kiss, kiss, kiss you all over ♪

♪ All the time, it's like you

Wanna call you my lover ♪

♪ Call you my lover ♪

[Indistinct conversations]

Thank you.

Oh, anne, there you are.

I just wanted to say

Thank you so much

For having the party moved here

So that I could attend.

Oh, please, lily. At least

I was quiet in my humiliation.

I didn't blackmail people

And force them

To come to my home.

She had nothing to do with it,

Anne. It's all my doing.

I have to say, I'm surprised.

I thought we were friends.

Why? You don't know

How to be a friend.

You shut me out when I called

Off my divorce to the captain.

There's not a woman

In this room

Who didn't take some pleasure in

Your downfall, myself included.

So enjoy the party, lily.

This will be your last.

Oh, and you may wanna

Adjust your dress.

Your monitor's showing.

I'm so sorry, lily.

Are you okay?

[Indistinct conversations]

When lucien walked in

To get the bag,

I saw the look on his face.

He totally bought it.

You're very convincing.

Thanks, I guess.

[Various cell phone alerts

Chiming]

[The vaccines' "if you wanna"

Playing]

[Murmuring]

♪ Well, I don't wanna wake up

In the morning ♪

♪ But I got to face the day ♪

Blair waldorf and dan humphrey?

This is even better

Than my parents' divorce.

Please tell me it's true.

Uh...

♪ I don't wanna do things

Independently ♪

Yes, it's true.

Dan is my mystery date,

And we couldn't be happier.

[Lowered voice] now we have to

Find serena and explain this.

[Indistinct conversations]

Hey, what's all

The commotion about?

Everyone finally found out

About dan and blair.

But it isn't true. They're just

Putting on an act to protect me.

Maybe that's what

She told you,

But they've been secretly

Seeing each other for months.

You shouldn't be surprised.

She lied to you in paris, too.

I'm sorry.

Serena, wait. I can explain.

♪ It's all right,

It's all right ♪

I'll be right back.

♪ If you wanna come back, it's

All right, it's all right ♪

♪ It's all right

If you wanna come back ♪

♪ If you wanna come back, it's

All right, it's all right ♪

♪ It's all right

If you wanna come back to me ♪

[Gossip girl] uh-oh.

Lily may be wearing

Her dancing shoes,

But it looks like she's about

To make a run for it.

Hey, I'm headed over to raina's.

I just don't want her

To be alone tonight.

I know you disagree,

But I think she should keep

Looking for her mom.

She looked. It wasn't her.

Give it up already.

So the first lead

Didn't pan out.

She has to stop.

Russell's parting gift to me

Was a story about my father.

You remember how I told you

My dad was responsible

For that fire

In his old building?

Uh-huh.

Russell owned it, too.

They were partners.

He says his wife

Was there that night,

And she died in the fire.

How do you know

He's even telling the truth?

I don't, but today when that

Woman wasn't raina's mother,

I realized how desperately

I wanted her to be.

So maybe I do believe it.

[Elevator bell dings]

What are you gonna do?

Try to find out the truth.

[Clears throat]

Serena, that video wasn't real.

I mean, we did--we did kiss,

But it was staged.

Okay, even if I did believe you,

What about the other time

You guys kissed?

Was that for louis, too?

Uh... It meant nothing.

It was like kissing my brother,

If I had one. Like kissing your

Brother. It just made me realize

That I wanna be with chuck.

I don't understand.

How did you end up in a kiss

In the first place--any kiss?

We both were alone in the city

Over christmas break.

And we ran into each other

At the movies.

And then it kept happening

After the break,

Only we started making plans

To meet.

And even worse, enjoying it.

Mm.

But you guys are

My two closest friends.

Why couldn't you

Just tell me that?

I was hoping it would go away.

I was humiliated,

Which is why we kissed.

To make sure nothing else

Was going on to complicate us

Or--or hurt you.

And?

Biggest regret of my life.

I mean, that's a--come on.

That's a little bit

Of an overstatement, but, yeah,

It was not a good kiss.

So you guys have been lying

To me and sneaking around

For months so that you can

Hang out as friends?

Exactly. Friends.

Yeah, I swear.

Just--yeah, friends.

Well, I'm really glad

You two found each other

Because you sure lost me.

I have to go.

I'm really sorry, s.

I... Guess I was in denial.

I didn't want to admit

That I'd begun to understand

The humphrey appeal.

The only appeal dan ever had

To you was that he was mine.

You would see it that way,

Because it's always about you,

Isn't it?

I'm sorry to break it to you,

But dan and I have

A real connection.

We did things

Like visit the dia

And debate chabrol

Versus rohmer--

Things that we could

Never do with you.

[Scoffs]

Yeah, I'm--i'm sure you and dan

Had a really deep connection,

That is until

A prince came along.

Of course, because that would be

An even bigger threat to you.

What's that supposed

To mean?

You prefer when you are

The one in the spotlight,

But it's my turn now.

You can have a taste

Of what it's like

To be in my shadow for once.

Now if you'll excuse me,

My prince awaits.

[Sighs]

[Police radio chatter]

Lily humphrey?

Ma'am, you're violating

The terms

Of your incarceration

By being down here.

Ah, there you are.

It took you long enough.

I'm sorry?

My apartment is teeming

With women throwing back

Champagne c*ck

And toasting my misfortune.

Honestly, it's worth risking

An orange jumpsuit

Not to have to face

Another botox b*tch

In a pink c*ck dress.

This is my way of saying

Could you please do me a favor?

I'm here to arrest you.

Yes, well, there was some

Confusion about the perimeter--

Whether the alarm was for

The apartment or the building.

In the meantime,

There have been

Horrible noise complaints

From the neighbors.

I really think we should do

Something about that.

[The asteroids galaxy tour]

♪ We can dance if you want to ♪

♪ We can leave

Your friends behind ♪

Hey. Have you seen louis?

Ah, the prince.

I can't find him anywhere.

[Elevator bell dings]

I don't know who that is.

Have you seen my mother?

Hey! All right, everybody.

The party is over.

♪ Safety dance ♪

♪ The safety dance,

It's the safety dance ♪

Time to grab

Your judith leibers, ladies.

Looks like

The upper east side's

Smoothest criminal has just

Given you the boot.

♪ Safety dance ♪

I am so sorry

About tonight.

Don't be. First of all,

It was so sweet of you

To move the party for me.

And I needed to hear

Those things that anne said.

The fact is, maybe I could

Use a little time

To reflect on my actions

And what got me here.

There is nothing

More appealing to me

Than staying home with you,

Watching a hundred movies

And never seeing those women

Again.

Well, good,

Because I can promise you

That's what we'll do for

At least the next nine months.

[Giggles]

Or six, for good behavior.

I totally understand

If you don't want to see me,

But I just wanted

To tell you in person

How sorry I am

For recording you.

It was probably for the best.

[Door closes]

I saw the kiss.

I think you really like her.

[Chuckles]

Yeah, you might be right.

I've been trying

To convince myself

That I could handle

Being friends with her,

But I realize tonight

That I can't.

I know from experience

What it's like

To watch from the outside

As someone else

Walks away with the person

You want.

Yeah, I just never thought

That the person I want

Would be blair waldorf.

Neither did serena. She just

Thought some girl named vanessa

Was messing with her.

Wait. Vanessa told her

About the kiss? Not chuck?

She left her a message,

Saying she overheard

You and blair talking about it?

All right.

I've taken up enough

Of your time tonight.

So thanks for hearing me out.

No, actually, you know what?

Hold on. Do you, uh...

Did you wanna stay?

Thanks for coming back

For me.

I just stood up in front

Of everyone who matters

In new york society and said

I was dating dan humphrey.

I committed social suicide

For you.

But serena told me you've been

Having an affair with him.

She misunderstood.

We've been friends.

That's all.

You have to believe me.

You're the only man

In my life now,

The only man I want there,

Anyway.

[Sighs] I believe you.

You do?

But being together means

Going against my family,

And if I'm going

To take a stand,

I need to know for certain

That you feel as I do.

I do.

[The pierces] ♪ we are stars ♪

♪ Fashioned

In the flesh and bone ♪

[Opens door]

Are you ready to go public,

My family be damned?

I'm ready if you are.

♪ We are moons ♪

[Man] there they are!

♪ Throw ourselves

Around each other ♪

♪ We are oceans ♪

♪ Being controlled

By the pull of another ♪

♪ And I

Just wanna be loved by you ♪

You can never

Really know someone

Until you walk a mile

In their shoes.

♪ Just wanna be loved by you ♪

Salut, jean michel.

It's serena van der woodsen

From paris last summer.

I was with blair and louis

Tonight,

And it made me think about you,

Wanna call you and catch up,

And, you know, see what's going

On in your life and louis'.

At first, it might not seem

Like the most natural fit...

[Bottle cap fizzes]

What's in there?

That used to be my sister's room

And then it was a nursery,

Then it was vanessa's room,

And now it is my office.

It's a pretty versatile

Living space.

[Knock on door]

Uh, you know, check it out if

You want, but I gotta get this.

Hi. I figured if you were beat,

We could just hang here.

Actually, I was planning

On standing you up.

I know you told serena

About the kiss with blair.

I was gonna tell you tonight to

Explain why I left the message.

I wasn't trying to hurt you.

I honestly thought something

Must be very wrong

If you were kissing

Blair waldorf.

And since you weren't

Talking to me,

I thought you might

Listen to serena.

Vanessa, I know we've been

Friends since we were little,

And we both like pierogies,

And my dad really misses you,

But just to be clear,

So there's no misunderstanding

Down the road,

We are not friends anymore.

[Door closes]

Is everything okay?

Yeah. Yeah, it is.

But walk around in those shoes

Long enough,

And you'll discover

You just might like it.

♪ Loved by you ♪

Your dad gave me

These security tapes

After the kinberg building

Burned down

And asked me to lock them away.

[Tape clatters]

This one's from 8:00 p.m.

The night of the fire.

What's on it?

[Sets down tape]

Bart, having an argument

With a woman--avery thorpe.

Then avery goes

Into the building alone,

And bart hurries away.

Okay. So?

Moments later, the building

Goes up in flames,

And avery thorpe

Is never heard from again.

[Clatters]

♪ I see nothing worse ♪

Just don't get too comfortable,

Kids,

Because you never know

When the other shoe

Is going to drop.

X.o.x.o., Gossip girl.