01x01 - Road to Knowhere

[bunniefuu]

(WIND WHOOSHING)

♪ I'm ♪
♪ Hooked on a feelin' ♪
♪ I'm high on believin' ♪

Whoo!

(LAUGHS)

♪ That you're in love with me ♪

Rocket: Knock it off, Quill.

If the altitude don't make me hurl, your lousy dance moves will.

(HUMMING)

I am Groot.

(CHUCKLES) See? Even Groot thinks you stink.

(HUMMING)

Agreed, Rocket. His odor is extremely unpleasant.

Hey, I just took a shower this morning, Drax.

♪ All the good love, when we're all alone ♪

Why? (GRUNTS)

Showers are only for those who actually break a sweat.

Yeah, I'm more about the overall vision, Gamora.

Speaking of which, our entry point should be right around... Here.

♪ I'm high on believin' ♪

Groot: I am Groot.

Or maybe a little lower.

(GROWLING)

So, I'm totally sold on Guardians of the Galaxy as our name.

Now we need a battle cry.

Suggestions?

I am Groot.

Walked right into that one.

(DISTANT THUD)

Groot.

Lights out.

(HIGH-PITCHED WHIRRING)

Peter: Yorligian Guards, heavily armed.

Somebody doesn't want the neighbors popping by.

Okay, listen up. On my signal, we fan out for our pre-assigned targets.

Five, four, three, two...

Huh?

(EXPLODING)

(GRUNTS)

Way ahead of you, Quill.

Peter: Oh, really? So, you have that security key I need?

Clearing a path for Groot right now.

I am Groot.

Yes, you are.

Seriously? The password is "password"?

Oh, this place has the worst security ever.

(GASPS)

Oh.

It's cool. I got a work order for routine repair stuff.

Okay, that's a really old photo.

(GROANS)

(YELLING, GRUNTING)

I am Groot!

Cellblock entry is clear.

Target located. Disabling alarms now.

(ALARMS BLARING)

(EXCLAIMS)

Aw, man! I hate that sound!

(WEAPONS FIRING)

That one's even worse!

Peter: Take cove Oh, yeah... No!

This calls for something... Special?

Looking for this?

Uh, Quill, you might not want to...

Appendages where I can see them!

Let us go, or we all get vaped.

You're bluffing.

Am I bluffing?

You d'ast well better be!

You know how much boom I packed in that crater-maker?

Peter: Hey! You heard him. You have 30 seconds.

(BEEPING) 29, 28...

(GRUNTS)

Rocket: Five, four, three, two, one!

(EXPLODING)

(ALL GROANING)

(PETER COUGHS)

Guessing I grabbed the one with the 10-second timer.

How'd he talk me into this job?

How did he talk any of us into it?

(BEEPING)

Rocket: This arms dealer we're freeing better be loaded.

Gamora: Arms dealer? You told me he was a freedom fighter.

Peter: Yeah, I might have exaggerated that... Just a little bit.

Yondu!

I knew you'd come for me, boyo.

Once a Ravager, always a Ravager.

You dragged us here to spring your former pirate boss/alien abductor?

Hey, we were partners.

And what was I supposed to do, tell the truth?

(GROWLS)

Deceivin' your friends just to save your mentor.

I'm so proud.

Yeah, about that. I'm actually turning you in for the bounty.

Oh, I taught you so well.

(GRUNTING)

(YONDU CRYING OUT)

So, what are we, heroes or outlaws?

Why can't we be both?

(MOANING)

Whoa!

Because you can't be half a hero or half an outlaw.

Right. 'Cause that'd be like trying to be half-human, half-alien.

Oh, wait. I already am.

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

Let go!

You let go!

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(WHIMPERING) Whoa!

Might wanna keep your voices down before you wake the pit leeches.

Stay out of this!

I am Groot!

(SCREECHING)

(YELLING)

This is why we need a battle cry.

Hey! Whoa! Easy!

Come on!

How's this for a battle cry? Let's blow stuff up!

(YELLING)

(GRUNTING)

Annoying slug.

(w*apon FIRING)

Hey, hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Easy!

Still hanging here. Watch your crossfire!

Oh.

(SCREAMING)

(WHIMPERS)

I am Groot.

The bounty better have been worth it, Quill.

Oh, I made sure it was.

Otherwise, you never would've come for me.

You put the bounty on yourself?

I needed some kind of insurance in case my deal went south, and I knew you and your zoo crew couldn't resist them extra unit...

Boyo!

(GASPS)

Hey, hey, wait.

I was moving something far more valuable than any bounty when they grabbed me!

How valuable we talkin'?

We're not in this for wealth.

Hey... No. Neither was the guy who took my prize and strung me up in here.

Goes by the name of Korath.

(WHIMPERS)

(WHIMPERING)

So you do remember him.

How could I forget him?

We were raised like siblings by Thanos, and molded into his enforcers.

Which means he can lead us to Thanos, and my revenge for the loss of my family.

Talk. What were you moving?

Uh, all's I know is it's old. Real old.

And there's something inside it lots of powerful folks want.

Whatever it is, we can't let Thanos get his hands on it.

Hmm. w*apon vault's a few levels up.

If it's valuable and dangerous, that'd be where it's stashed.

See? You can be a hero and an outlaw at the same time.

Hey. How's it goin'?

Volcanic gas. Nasty stuff.

Groot, you're up.

Ah. So the walking houseplant's a safecracker?

More ways than one.

Ha!

(EXCLAIMS)

Found it!

Wait. What about the lockbox?

Oh, Korath took off with that long before you rescued me.

(WHISTLES)

(HIGH-PITCHED WHINING)

What?

You think I was gonna leave without my personal property?

Rocket: I'd say it was worth the side trip.

(CLICKING)

You expect to walk out the front door loaded down with that stuff?

Who said anything about walking?

(EXPLODING)

Oh, yeah!

Whoo-hoo! You don't mess with the Rocket unless you know how to fly!

(WEAPONS FIRING)

(CRYING OUT)

Which they do!

I am Groot!

Rocket, hang on!

I am Groot!

(SCREAMING)

(GRUNTS)

Stay away from the bug zappers!

They'll short out your jetpacks!

(GRUNTS)

Among other things.

(YONDU WHISTLING)

(EXPLODING)

Two can play at the short-out game.

This is not a game.

(GRUNTING)

If it is... (EXCLAIMS) I'm winning!

(EXPLODING)

(GRUNTING)

I am Groot.

I know, but I wanna keep my stash.

I am Groot!

I know, but there's some really good boom sticks in there.

I am Groot!

(GROANS)

Well, since you put it that way...

I'm sorry, babies.

(HIGH-PITCHED WHIRRING)

So, so sorry.

(YELLING)

(EXPLODING)

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(ENGINE REVS)

♪ I sleep all day, out all night ♪
♪ I know where you're goin' ♪

Still torturin' your crew with that same Earth racket, Quill?

You know, when you pull my fat out of the fire, you can choose the tunes.

Rocket: I got ya, buddy.

I am Groot.

Ew.

(MUFFLED MOANING)

(COOING)

There you go, bud.

Nice fresh soil. Help you grow big and strong, again.

If I know Korath, he's too arrogant to update his security protocols.

And too ignorant to realize I stole them from him long ago.

Ah. Typical. He's traveling through the Beol Asteroid Cluster to avoid detection by the Nova Corps.

But that will also slow him down.

Korath will likely keep the box in his private quarters.

I should be able to get us close enough to sneak aboard and grab it.

Then I will persuade Korath to lead me to Thanos.

Yondu: Hey, hey, whoa, whoa. Heel your attack dog, Quill.

This is a stealth job. I can bring one more, at most.

Hey. Since when do you give the orders?

Hmm. Since I'm the one with the key to that box.

This is starting to feel a lot more outlaw than hero.

I'm broadcasting an echo signal on Korath's private frequency to scramble his proximity scanners.

(BEEPS)

Any motion displacement will read as just another asteroid.

(EXPLODING)

(GRUNTING)

Rocket: Which would be great if he wasn't blowing them up!

Ah! You said you could get us aboard!

I said I could get us close enough to get aboard.

Ahh. Nice flying, Gammy.

For a second there, I thought my fur was fried.

Rocket: Turns out I was right! (STRAINING)

Gamora: We've been breached.

Groot!

(YELLING)

I am Groot.

(STRAINING)

(YELLING)

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

Nice save, big guy.

Think you can hold that pose while I seal the inner hatch?

I am Drax the Destroyer. I can...

(BREAKING WIND)

That was not me.

Mmm, just like old times, eh, boyo?

When you gonna forget this Guardians nonsense and come back and work for me, huh?

You was born to be a Ravager.

I was born to live on Earth.

Until you abducted me. Mmm-mmm...

I've acquired the artifact as instructed, Lord Thanos.

And the Cosmic Seed lies within?

I cannot know for certain, my lord.

The Ravager was unable to open it, so I fed him to the pit leeches.

Do you not recognize the insignia, Korath?

Only the key can unlock the box.

Understood, my lord. I will set course for the planet immediately.

(RATTLING)

Whoa!

(SOFTLY) Yondu. Lower me.

(GRUNTS, GROANS)

I meant, "Lower me slowly."

Yondu.

Yondu!

Oh, don't you bail on me, dude.

(WEAPONS CLICKING)

Oh, hey.

(CHUCKLES)

Yeah, I was just putting this back for you.

(GROANS)

So, the Terran relf "Star-Lord"

To what do I owe the pleasure?

Aw, you remembered me. That's just so nice.

What was your name again? Kor... Kory something?

How is this possible?

You could not have activated this unless...

I was the key.

It's almost as if someone knew that and dropped me on your doorstep.

Open the box now, or I will destroy you with your own w*apon!

Seriously? I mean, you're not dumb enough to blow away your key.

(GROWLS)

(CLICKS)

Oh, did I mention that thing only works for me?

You do realize that's not the only w*apon in the room.

Oh, yeah.

(EXPLODING)

(CRIES OUT)

So, how's that whole "trustin' Yondu" thing working out for you, Quill?

Well, considering we got the prize and don't have to share, not bad.

(GROANS)

If you take that, Thanos will hunt you to the end of the universe!

I will be waiting.

Peter: Cloak us! Now!

Gamora: The secondary generator took on too much damage!

Buy me some time to jump-start it!

(w*apon FIRING)

They'll never navigate that big tub through this mess.

And then there's that.

Energy systems can be rerouted via nonlinear network configuration...

(SCREAMING)

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

Commander Korath, sir?

I'm afraid we've lost the Guardians' ship.

Blast me free, fool!

Rocket: Seriously? We're going back to Knowhere?

Didn't we nearly get this place blowed up last time?

Groot: I am Groot!

Rocket: What do you mean, "nearly don't count"?

I heard the broker set up shop here.

He might be able to tell us what's inside this boom box.

And shell out big-time units for it.

You ask me, we should destroy it before Thanos gets his hands on it.

But not before I've had my revenge on him.

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

Whose idea was it to build a space colony inside a Celestial's head?

Relax. The Celestial's been dormant for 10,000 years.

Not like it's in any shape to complain.

Ugh! This place always gives me the creeps.

Eh! Ain't nothin' spooks me.

(BARKING)

(SCREAMS)

I am Groot.

Find the broker. I will wrangle the animals.

(GROWLING)

(GASPS)

Wait. What am I runnin' for?

Heel, Fido! Unless you want to get housebroken.

Ow!

(YELLING)

(GRUNTS, GROANS)

Back off, Spot, or I call Security.

(RUSSIAN ACCENT, ECHOING)

Cosmo is Security.

You talk?

Please to forgive Cosmo for chase.

Sometimes old instinct to pursue small mammal kicks in.

Shake. Good humanoid.

Ugh! Oh, man, talking animals give me the willies.

Eh, technically, Cosmo not talk.

Communicate telepathically.

(SNIFFING)

I am Groot.

How should I know why he's sniffing you?

Probably another old instinct.

Mmm-hmm.

Based on the insignia, this is clearly Spartax in origin.

Just like your sidearm.

Uh, say what now?

Oh!

They're both keys to a DNA lock.

Pure Spartax workmanship.

So this thing only works for me...

Because I'm part Spartax?

Ah.

Peter, my little Star-Lord.

You all right, Quill?

Ugh! Yeah.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Yeah... fine.

Cosmo was originally part of Soviet space program.

Fascinating. I have no idea what that means.

Does not matter.

Capsule... How you say... Lost in space.

Cosmo taken to lab and experimented on.

Heh. What a co-winky-dink.

I was...

Lab experiment too.

Cosmo know. Cosmo read rodent's mind.

Who you calling rodent, you mangy little... Huh?

(SCREAMING)

Rodent!

(GRUNTING)

(SCREAMING)

I am Groot!

So, these Spartax aliens, are they, like, cool?

'Cause they sound like a bunch of farmers with this whole "Cosmic Seed" thing here.

What? Don't open it!

The Cosmic Seed is not something to be trifled with!

No deal! Get it away from my shop! Now!

I've got a better idea. Let's toss it into the nearest black hole.

(WHISTLING)

Aw, now, that'd be a waste of my prize.

You set me up! You knew the box was worthless without me as the key, so you sold me out to Korath!

Oh, and thanks for letting me know I'm half Spartax.

Whatever that is!

You sold me out, boyo!

(WHISTLES)

(GASPS)

Never bothered to come back for your old mentor, did you?

I barely gave Korath the slip on my own.

Maybe Korath let you escape so you could lead him straight to me.

Impossible.

(WHIRRING)

Huh?

(WEAPONS FIRING)

Ah!

Totally called it.

(WHISTLES)

(SHATTERING)

(SCREECHING)

(ALL YELLING)

(SCREECHING)

(GAMORA PANTING)

(GROWLING)

(YELLING)

(GRUNTING)

Miss me, sister?

(BOTH GRUNTING)

I never miss, brother.

Just like old times, eh, boyo?

I'll let you in on a little secret, Yondu.

The old times were lousy!

(GROANING)

I'll take that, thank you.

Like chud you will!

(BOTH GRUNTING)

Cosmo: All occupants to take cover!

Is not drill!

Knowhere is... Alive!

(GRUNTING)

(ALL GRUNTING)

(LOUD WHIRRING)

(CHAINS CLINKING)

(GROWLING)

Okay, I really, really hate that sound.