01x16 - Poor Little Rich Girl

[bunniefuu]

[Fallon] Previously on Dynasty:

My offer says Carrington Atlantic shares are yours once we're legally married.

-Looks legal to me. -Bigamy is ill*gal in Georgia.

-[Fallon] You in the market? -For what?

Biggest payday of your life.

This is Liam, my husband. My marriage is completely legal, which means ours isn't, and neither is my contract.

Unless we're married, my gift is void.

I'm not gonna let an expired visa keep us apart.

I'd like to report an undocumented immigrant.

-[Cecil] Blake Carrington. -What the hell?

-I'm having a heart attack. -What did you do?

We need to get out of here. Go.

[Anders] Wedding to the left, funeral to the right.

Wedding to the left--

Ah. Congratulations or condolences? This side. Thank you.

And that can go directly to Mr. Carrington.

I'll take it.

[Anders] Funeral to this side, thank you.

I didn't hear you come to bed last night. Did you get any sleep?

No. I was on the phone with London, Sydney, Shanghai...

Carrington Atlantic's chairman of the board died 48 hours ago.

-So did your father. -Our clients need to know

-operations won't be interrupted. -I'll handle it. You need to grieve.

I'm fine.

-What do you want me to do, cry? -If that's what you need, yes.

Blake, you don't have to be a soldier now. You can talk to me. Or someone.

I don't need a therapist. I just need to talk to my pipeline manager in Dubai.

If you wanna talk about feelings, go do it somewhere else.

One hundred thousand, that's the number we agreed upon.

-And a time frame? -We didn't settle on a hard number.

-Annulment versus divorce? -Didn't get that far.

A nondisclosure agreement?

This wasn't my finest hour as a business person or a "person" person.

I know the risks of marrying a stranger, so I hired you.

Good news is you haven't paid him yet.

We'll draw up the papers immediately and have Liam sign them today.

If only my other fake marriage was so simple.

What are you doing about Jeff? Cristal Carrington.

My stepmother.

-Jackie Littman. -My divorce lawyer. There's nothing to do.

I'll lay low for a few weeks, let the wedding coverage blow over, -and tell a few people it didn't work out. -What about the funeral?

Yeah, I didn't plan on Grandpa tapping out at the wedding.

-People are gonna ask questions. -I don't want him answering them.

-You should say something first. -I don't wanna piss him off, either.

At least, not before Liam signs the NDA.

I doubt Jeff wants the truth out there any more than you do.

If you get ahead of the questions, offer an innocent explanation, blame yourself even... you'd be doing him a favor.

What do you mean? Say I got cold feet?

In light of what happened, who could blame you?

Death has a way of giving us clarity.

Maybe you realized you weren't ready for marriage.

If there's anything Grandpa wanted, it was for me to get away from Jeff.

I'll put out a statement this morning.

[knocking on door]

What?

Your mail.

-See you haven't forgotten the address. -I was wondering where these were.

Apologies for the delay. I've had more important matters to attend to over the last few days than your shopping.

I admire your reputation for representing women.

It's not always where the money is, but especially these days, -we have to stick together, don't we? -We do.

-I didn't mean-- -No, of course not.

But if you have any friends who do, have them give me a call?

-Of course. Thank you. -Sure.

Per Mr. Carrington's last will and testament, his instructions for his funeral are as follows:

"He's to be dressed in a plain black suit from Harrow & Sons in London, -and placed in a simple oak casket." -A man of the people till the very end.

"White Miltonia orchids will fill the sanctuary, and the casket will be taken to Oakland Cemetery in a hearse drawn by a team of Belgian black horses accompanied by a brass band."

-Spoke too soon. -Not like he's here to enjoy it.

Everyone deserves a last hurrah, don't they?

Fine. Anders, I trust you can handle the arrangements?

Not all of them, I'm afraid.

-What? -He's asked that his grandchildren perform a song for the congregation, as he so loved in life, and that he be buried with his copy of The Canterbury Tales.

-It's in his personal library in Savannah. -You can send somebody.

He wanted you to retrieve it.

-From Savannah? -Yes.

Absolutely not. There's too much going on.

I'm not going to that house to pick up an old book.

He specifically instructed--

I don't care what he instructed! He ordered me around his whole life.

He will not do it from beyond the grave. I don't have to listen anymore.

You know what? I'm glad.

That is no way to speak about your father.

I'm walking Liam through what we went over.

-Yeah. Just tell me where to sign. -Right. The nondisclosure here.

And the petition for annulment.

You're the best first wife I ever had.

[chuckles]

Only until tomorrow. Once we get this to a judge and get everything finalized, it will be as if you were never married at all.

Oh.

-Guess I should cancel the registry. -[laughs]

-I had my eye on these pineapple skewers. -Wow. Now you can afford the whole set.

Yeah, or I could just buy the kebab place around the corner.

You hungry? My treat. Well... [scoffs] technically it's yours.

-I don't really do food on sticks. -Seriously?

What about popsicles? Chicken satay? Corn dogs?

-What the hell is that? -They're delicious.

-You know he was doing this? -[woman on TV] We're with Jeff Colby.

-Thanks for having us. -[Jeff] Of course.

Earlier today, Fallon Carrington released a statement announcing you had split, only two days after your wedding.

I thought I'd found my soul mate, the woman of my dreams.

Fallon lied to me. We were never married in the first place.

And her statement today makes me question her grip on reality

-and her ability to run Morell Corp. -What is he doing?

Declaring w*r.

What did you do?

What did I do? See the statement Fallon put out this morning?

She straight up lied. And if you think I'm--

Why do you care? She didn't bring your name into it.

She didn't say you signed over Morell, or Colbyco.

She stole them. She committed fraud and she knows it.

You didn't? You played the same game. You just can't admit you lost.

-Whose team are you on here? -Ours.

What you lost is only money, but we got our father back.

-Why would you jeopardize that? -Wanna talk to me about Dad?

-You have no idea how much I protect him. -Of course, I do.

You know he pulled a g*n on Thomas Carrington?

-What? -Yeah.

He gave him a heart attack, Moni.

The old guy was literally k*lled by his racism.

But you didn't know, because I got Dad out of there. I protected him.

All the more reason for you to be careful now.

Drop this, before you're the one who destroys our family.

[knocking on door]

-Hey. What's going on? -Besides Anders slapping my dad?

What? Why?

Let's just say they're grieving in different ways.

How about you?

I'm not sure what to be feeling.

Grandpa and I didn't exactly have the easiest relationship.

The irony is, after all that struggle, I'm the only one who got closure with him.

-You deserve it, Steven. -My dad's still so angry at him.

Maybe I should be, too. Mostly, I'd rather celebrate the silver lining.

-Is that weird? -I think it's kind of beautiful.

Thanks.

What's this?

Deported? Seriously, Sam, what is this?

They know I'm here without papers. I don't know how they found out.

-Well, except... -What?

It could have been Jeff Colby. From my Morell paperwork.

Maybe he thought it would hurt Fallon somehow?

-Why didn't you say something? -Everyone has enough on their plate.

Doesn't mean you should do this alone.

We're in this together. We'll figure it out.

-Did you call a lawyer? -Yes, and it's not good.

I can't just say I forgot to renew my visa. I got fake papers.

The system's not exactly famous for gray areas, so...

Well... we just have to beat the system.

You all right?

Will you stop asking me that? I'm fine.

If anything, Anders needs to see a shrink.

I know he had an attachment to my father. I've known him since I was born.

He taught me to shave. That's why I let it slide. But I do not need an employee or a ghost telling me what to do.

You're right.

Your father was a miserable man.

I certainly never heard a kind word from him.

As far as I'm concerned, he doesn't deserve another moment of your life.

Well, thank you.

But you can't move on and nothing can move forward if you don't go to Savannah.

The longer you fight him, the longer you let him loom over you.

The sooner you get this over with, the sooner you can be free.

Where do you get off? Calling me a liar? After everything that you've done?

You lied. To me, to the entire Internet. I didn't invent that marriage license.

You bugged my house, puppeted my brother, proposed to me to get to my father.

I didn't start this w*r, you did. When are you gonna admit you lost it?

You think you've won? [scoffs]

You spent seven figures on a fake wedding and gave your grandfather a heart attack.

-What's Grandfather have to do with this? -You think it's a coincidence?

You ran with this charade, collateral damage be damned.

And for what, some shares?

It's all gonna be for nothing. I'm gonna take back everything you stole.

Starting with this office.

I'll leave your things outside. Shame this is all that's left of your company.

This is what you k*lled him for.

Wanna carry this yourself?

-Guess not. -Look me in the eye and say it again.

What? That you're the reason your grandfather is dead?

h*, h*. Here we go. Poor little rich girl shows her true colors.

Hope you got a good look, ‘cause it'll be a cold day in hell

-before you ever see them again! -What the hell?

You wanna gaslight me?

1 will set the gasoline on fire.

-I'm sorry to hear about your grandfather. -That's very kind. Thank you.

But a pleasant surprise to hear from you. Are you holding up?

We're all muddling through. I hope you and Paul can come to the service.

Yes, of course. Thomas was a good friend to us for many years.

-If there's anything we can do... -That's actually why I'm here.

I was hoping you could help me.

-What is it? -It's my stepmother's nephew. Sam?

He has to appear before an immigration judge.

The thing is, his immigration paperwork is a little out of order.

I'm trying to help him get it sorted out, quickly.

-I don't have any good friends at ICE. -I thought that Paul might.

He's on the other side of this issue, but being a senator, he should be able to secure a new visa for Sam.

Paul and I haven't been having the easiest time lately.

Sex scandals have that effect on marriage.

Yeah. I know. And I'm sorry.

I wouldn't be asking if it wasn't important, Melissa.

Well, Paul certainly does owe me.

I would, too.

And I wouldn't be opposed to a trip down memory lane.

-That was a long time ago. -[laughs]

Ten years is not that long.

I hadn't really figured things out then.

Well, I'm sure you have now.

Hey, you have a bike, or is the helmet just for show?

Yeah, I wasn't sure where to park. I left it at the bottom of the driveway.

Fallon asked me to come by about some paperwork.

[scoffs]

-How much is she paying you? -I'm not legally allowed to say.

Well, whatever it is, just take it and run.

-Sorry? -It's easy to get sucked in with Fallon.

At the end of the day, she'll chew you up and spit you out. Anyway, she's in there.

Thanks.

-It still smells the same. -When was the last time you were here?

-1998. -What?

We were here for Christmas. My father... chewed out Steven for quitting football.

Said he'd spit on the legacy of 12 generations of Carringtons.

-Twelve? -I don't remember the exact number.

I dragged my crying kid out of here, and then Fallon cried because we left.

You never once came back?

No.

Alexis brought the kids a few times.

He liked her better.

That tape was an incomplete representation of events, at best.

I promise you, I'm fully competent to lead Morell Corp and to continue the same service you've been enjoying.

No, this isn't a spam call. Son of a b*tch.

You miss me already?

1 didn't know where to park, so I took the spot marked "ex-fake-husband."

-Will Colby have me towed? -Thanks for coming.

-I already saw it. And the dubstep remix. -What? Already?

The Internet. But you got a mean right hook.

They're comparing me to 2007 Britney. I can't even get Solange.

-I'm not sure that's how it works. -Whatever. I have clients jumping ship.

Asking me if I'm fit to run my own company.

Well, you might have a future in the ring. Sorry. Too soon?

Too soon.

But you can help me. Wanna hang out for a couple more days?

-Hang out? -I would pay you, obviously.

Another 100 grand to keep the annulment on ice and make a quick appearance at the funeral.

Whoa. Like as your husband?

Look, I can't afford to lose two sham marriages in two days.

What about 200?

I have a thing tomorrow. My Aunt Lydia is having a barbecue.

Just tell me a number.

-I don't want money. -What do you want? Baby back ribs?

Look, the past couple days have been fun. Very Pretty Woman, or the edgy gender-reversal sequel.

But I have paparazzi camped outside my apartment right now.

Reporters dug through my trash. My name's a TMZ headline.

Only till the next swipe in the Kimye-Taylor feud.

It's more than I signed up for, Fallon. I'm a regular person.

I'm supposed to be at my aunt's barbecue tomorrow, so I'm just gonna walk away slowly.

-Two-fifty. -Here I go.

Seriously? You're just gonna walk away from 250 K?

I can't afford not to.

-Says something that he kept this. -Probably to spite me.

-She was pretty. -I don't wanna talk about Alexis.

We don't have to talk about her, but I would like you to talk to me.

I let you talk me into coming here, didn't 1?

Yes, but you're obviously in pain. You don't have to just soldier through.

You don't have to be stoic, not for me.

-You're allowed to be a regular person. -I'm not a regular person.

-Why are you trying to make me one? -What do you mean?

The way I run my business, protect my children, grieve for my father.

-That's not fair. -No. So, why don't you stop?

You know who I am. It's why you married me.

-That is not true. -Oh, come on.

You wear the clothes, you drive the cars, you drink the champagne.

-Just like Alexis. “Wow.

You signed the prenup. Seven million for every year.

If that's not enough for you, maybe you should go.

I've been looking for you.

When someone can't be located, it's because they don't want to be.

Steven told me what happened. Big move to smack your boss.

Not the first time. When Blake was 11, he was being insolent to his mother.

Something along the lines of "up your nose with a rubber hose."

Thomas was away. When he heard about it, he insisted on a spanking by proxy.

-Man, rich people are weird. -Mm.

What are you having?

It's a 1907 Heidsieck & Company Monopole champagne from the Titanic, -salvaged from the bottom of the sea. -That must be worth--

Twice my annual salary. Thomas bought it at auction.

Gave it to me. Said I should drink a toast should the Grim Reaper ever come and "bang him in the a*s."

Do you want company?

I wouldn't object to tasting something that's been close to Leo DiCaprio.

You know, fictionally.

Unfortunately, I can't bring myself to drink a toast to Thomas Carrington.

-I thought you guys were tight. -We were.

I've been contacting his female companions to let them know of his untimely demise.

Damn. Plural?

Mm-hm.

1 didn't recognize the last number he'd dialed. So, I dialed it.

It was the Immigration and Customs Enforcement hotline.

ICE? He called ICE on me?

-I'm afraid so. -Why? Why would he do that?

I don't know.

[Culhane] Should've had Frank change the back-gate code.

Don't think the Carringtons would be happy to have a Colby on their property, after that mess of a wedding.

I wanted to bring your stuff back. It's not like you've been taking my calls.

Why would I?

I also wanted to apologize, for misleading you.

-You were just making Fallon jealous. -l was. When it first started.

I had no idea what had happened between my dad and Blake.

But when I found out, I had to choose a side.

But I shouldn't have misled you. I lied to you.

I thought I was protecting my dad, but Jeff's taken this thing way too far.

-It's like all he cares about is revenge. -I think Fallon's lost perspective.

I'm sorry, too.

-For what? -I lied. Thought I was protecting Fallon.

Living around all this excess... it starts to feel normal after a while.

Yeah.

I want out.

I just don't know how.

["What is Love?" playing]

It's not even a first edition.

It's just like you... all pomp, no substance.

I bet you didn't even read it.

[loud crack]

I What is love Anyway I

♪ Does anybody love anybody Anyway I I What is love Anyway I

♪ Does anybody love anybody Anyway I

-[woman)] Sit down, Thomas. -This is ridiculous.

I don't know why you're making me do this.

[woman] Someday Blake will need to hear. You won't always be around to tell him.

-[Thomas] This is stupid. -[woman] Do it.

[Thomas] / don't know why I have to say it.

Of course, I love him. He's my son.

That wasn't so hard, was it?

[Anders] I'm sorry he didn't say that to you in person.

He should have.

-As for Alexis... -You never thought you'd hear me say this.

I wish she were here.

I What is love Anyway I

♪ Does anybody love anybody Anyway I

Yes, hi. This is Cristal Carrington. Jackie and I spoke this morning.

I'd like to make an appointment.

No, it's for me.

♪ Just remember In the winter ♪

♪ Far beneath The bitter snow ♪

♪ Lies the seed That with the sun's love I

♪ In the spring Becomes the rose Do you think Grandpa's trolling us?

Maybe he loved Bette Midler? I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Ugh. Don't sound so well-adjusted.

I just had sex with my ex-girlfriend to stop my boyfriend from getting deported.

Ex-girlfriend? But you only had one.

-Mrs. Daniels? -You mean Mrs. Robinson.

Well, who am I to judge?

I asked the stranger who married me to come with me to Grandpa's funeral, so, I'm only slightly more sane.

We never had a fighting chance. Not like we had role models.

Who? Dad, the workaholic with rage issues who can't discern the potency of his own cologne?

Or Mom, who ditched us before I had the emotional vocabulary to describe her?

-Am I interrupting? -No.

We were rehearsing our musical tribute to Grandpa.

-[Steven] Is everything okay? -No.

No, I owe you both an apology, both of you.

-Have you been drinking? -Quite a bit.

But I still mean it.

Steven, I am sorry that I pushed you into that charade with Ted.

I thought I was helping you, your career, but it's not worth jeopardizing your integrity.

Uh, thank you.

And, Fallon... I'm sorry I made you go through with the wedding.

It should not be up to you to protect our secrets. My secrets.

This whole mess is my fault. I went too far. I pushed you guys too far.

And I want you both to know that I love you.

Whether or not you do what I say, whether or not I disagree with you... I never want you to doubt that.

-Did you replace our father with a cyborg? -[chuckles]

No, it's me.

It's so lifelike.

I love you, too, Dad.

Don't worry, we won't tell anyone.

Okay. I love you, too, Cyborg Dad.

Okay.

I'm gonna get another round.

I-- No. Um... There's one more thing I need to talk to you about. Sit down.

Cristal's been telling me that Carrington Atlantic could use refreshing.

I'm not signing the Paris Agreement or anything, but we could stand to green our portfolio a little.

I wonder if Morell could fill the void.

-I don't need you to rescue me. -No, it's the other way around.

CA needs to step into the future, not dwell in the past.

-It's never too late to change, right? -Unless you're dead.

That is why you are not doing the eulogy.

[woman on TV] Carrington Atlantic surprised analysts by announcing a production partnership with the Morell Green Energy Corporation.

Some saw the move as strategic in the wake of an altercation between Fallon Carrington and her former partner, Jeff Colby.

[TV turns off]

-We need to talk. -See that? I had everything under control.

The whole world can see Fallon's getting bailed out by her daddy. She's a mess.

She's not the only one. I'm not letting this crazy feud continue.

[knocking on door]

Mr. Colby?

-Yes. -Is your father here?

-What did you do? -What I should've done a long time ago.

I filed to take over Dad's guardianship. I'm moving him to my place, away from you and your w*r with the Carringtons. He's upstairs.

He'll never go along with it.

He's already agreed.

You put him in danger with this stupid wedding.

If you won't look after him, I will.

This is all for him.

I used to believe that. Now I see that it was all for you.

So, do what you need to do... but you're on your own, Jeff.

[knocking]

-Is this some kind of photo op? -No. Though you weren't kidding.

-There are a lot of paparazzi here. -Yeah.

I'm sorry about that.

You realize that showing up here isn't helping, right?

I know, but I just wanted to apologize for everything.

-Seemed kind of long for a text. -Maybe more like an e-mail situation.

But since you're here already, might as well just go ahead and say it.

Sorry I wrecked your life by tangling you in mine.

Sorry for inviting you to my grandpa's funeral.

Sorry for asking you to marry me.

It's not really how regular people do things, is it?

Regular people also don't agree to marry strangers either.

If there's a TLC show about it, that's a red flag.

I don't know any other way. Carringtons throw money at a problems, -and when that doesn't work, we lie. -I'm sorry, too.

I imagine that's a lonely way to go through the world.

I'm just a rich girl, standing in front of a poor boy, asking him to forgive her.

[laughs]

I don't know if I'm more insulted by that, or that you butchered Notting Hill.

Never seen it.

Here, I want you to have this. It's our annulment papers.

You can file them and be rid of me and my lunatic family forever. Lucky you.

Oh, and um... have fun at your Aunt Lydia's.

Are you still interested in tasting that fine champagne I showed you?

-I thought you bailed on the toast. -There are other things we could toast.

Leonardo DiCaprio for one. Be a shame to let such a fine bottle go to waste.

I'll pee it out in 30 minutes, but I'll always toast to Leo.

[chuckles]

If there are other boozes you wanna pawn off--

Don't push it.

What's going on?

What's that? -An O-1 visa.

-Yours, specifically. -How did you get it?

-Family friend with a family friend. -"Extraordinary ability or achievement"?

It means you bring something special to the United States.

And you do. Especially to me.

Thank you.

So, to Thomas Carrington's friends in high places.

And to your new uncle.

Uncle Sam.

-Thomas would've hated this. -I'll drink to that.

You got a pen?

I think so.

Look in my purse.

"Jackie Littman."

-She was at the house-- -Why do you have her card?

-You leaving me? -Blake, please--

Before I've buried my father? You're worse than Alexis.

-You don't understand. -I don't wanna hear it!

Would you just do me a favor and play the grieving daughter-in-law today, okay?

After all, I'm paying you enough.

["Swingin' Party" by Lorde playing]

♪ Bring your own lampshade Somewhere there's a party I

♪ Here it's never ending Can't remember when it started ♪

♪ Pass around the lampshade There'll be plenty enough room in jail ♪

-You clean up well. -My grandfather's funeral.

Of course. Well, if you need to talk, or something...

[Steven] Uh... [laughs, then clears throat]

-Melissa, this is Sam, my partner. -Hi.

-You know Mrs. Daniels? -Yeah, sure.

-Your husband is Mr.-- -Hanging by a thread.

He hopes you, uh, enjoy your time here in the U.S.

-Paul Daniels helped get your visa. -Oh, my God, I didn't realize. Thank you.

-I'd like to thank him, too. Is he here? -He's around somewhere.

I'm sorry, it must be sort of strange to be commemorating the life of a man who tried to ruin yours.

-What are you talking about? -Are you supposed to be inside?

Oh, you didn't know. When Paul was looking into his visa, he found out your grandfather was the one who tipped off ICE.

He was a... A complicated man.

I'll see you inside.

-Did you know? -Anders told me.

But... I didn't wanna ruin your memory of your grandpa.

Steven? They wanna show you the organ.

♪ If being afraid is a crime We hang side by side ♪

♪ At a swingin' party down the line ♪ Is everything all right?

Blake seemed upset when he walked in, and not about his father.

Blake and I had a fight.

Then he found Jackie Littman's business card in my purse.

He's convinced I want a divorce.

Do you?

No. The opposite.

-I changed my end of the prenup. -Excuse me?

When Blake and I fight, it's never on equal footing.

The money is always looming over me. So, I'm taking it out of the equation.

If that's what it takes for Blake to believe I love him just for him, 1 will happily do it.

-Well, that sounds-- -Stupid? Impulsive? Maybe.

I'm not quitting on him, and I'm not letting him quit on me.

I was gonna say romantic.

If only Blake would let me explain that.

He will.

Now, let's get you down to the front where he can see you.

♪ Bring your own lampshade Somewhere there's a party ♪

♪ Here it's never ending Can't remember when it started ♪

Looks like I haven't missed anything.

-What are you doing here? -I'm your husband.

I figured you could use a friendly face. You do owe me some barbecue, though.

[scoffs] Okay, but you're paying.

Jack?

1 didn't know you knew Thomas Carrington.

-Sorry, I think you have the wrong person. -You just look so familiar.

You're not John and Laura's boy?

No. Sorry.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

♪ At a swingin' party down the line ♪

♪ At a swingin' party down the line ♪ Thank you all for coming today.

As you can see, my grandfather was a man who liked to show off our family's success.

But he saved his most generous gift for the last day of his life.

That was the day he finally gave me acceptance.

And today, I'm choosing to celebrate that.

Sam.

[in Spanish]

Thank you, Steven, for those, um... thoughtful words?

My father was an icon, a titan.

And if we're being honest, he could be a real... piece of work.

[laughing and murmuring]

So, I never thought I'd be speaking about love at his funeral.

It just wasn't a feeling that I associated with him.

I mistakenly thought the only thing he loved was his job.

Until yesterday.

Yesterday I discovered that he had gone out of his way to make sure I knew exactly what he loved.

He loved buying rare and expensive treasures for his closest friends.

He loved listening to his grandchildren sing.

And he loved me.

[classical music playing]

Death itself can be very jarring.

However, the clarity that it brings is remarkable... magnificent even.

You think you know someone, and then something happens that... changes everything forever.

Today is that day for me.

I can never unknow what I now know.

The writing is on the wall.

And so today--

Oh, my God.

That's my mother.

Sorry I'm late.

Traffic was a b*tch.