Friday After Next (2002)

[bunniefuu]

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.

g*dd*mn, Day-Day.

Take it all. One, two, get up, three.

That's what I'm talkin' about.

Damn! That's an ugly-a*s baby. Eyes c*ck like a p*stol.

All I want, Santa Claus, is two fat b*tches and a bag of weed and two bags of chips to give to the fat b*tches.

What the...

Damn, these n*gg*s are broke.

No Christmas ham in here. Nothing. lt's a damn shame.

All l want is two fat b*tches and some cheeseburgers so Cheeco can lick on them and two years' supply of rolling paper.

Two pieces of bologna. Yeah, baby.

This gonna be good right here. I'm so hungry.

What the hell you doin' in my house eatin' a big-a*s sandwich and sh*t?

n*gga, I'm Santa Claus. Where's the milk and cookies?

Santa Claus!

sh*t!

You better get your a*s outta here!

g*dd*mn!

Day-Day! Day-Day!

All I want is a fat b*tch with a name belt that say ''Glitter'' on it.

Day-Day! Help me, man!

Merry Christmas, m*therf*cker!

As you can see.

I got my black a*s back in the ghetto. the only place where you can get robbed by Santa Claus on Chistmas Eve.

sh*t!

I don't know if I can handle another g*dd*mn Friday.

This sh*t hurt.

Day-Day! Wake up, man! We just got robbed!

Get your scary a*s up, man! I know you heard that sh*t!

Get out of here, man!

Wake your a*s up!

Come on, man, I gotta call the po-po!

What you say? Damn.

We just got robbed, Cheeco.

Unit 415. man in the middle of the street.

Then what happened?

Then I caught him. I hit him, like, four times.

I would've been a boxer, but I was in Special Education.

I'm telling you, I was whooping his a*s!

Craig got to fightin' with him, he beat his a*s.

Go check out the bedrooms. Sure.

What else did he get?

Like I said, he took all of our presents, he took my CD collection, he even took Day-Day's baby pictures.

And he got our speaker with all our rent money in it.

Rent money!

Sit your a*s down! Who got the rent money?!

You ain't about to do nothin'.

Jumpin' up like you Mr. Get Bad.

Where was you when he was beatin' my a*s with that tree?

Craig, my leg is hurtin', man. Good!

Yeah, he got the rent money. All of it.

You're positive he was dressed like Santa Claus?

Jolly white fat guy, little red suit, couple elves packin' the bags.

He's a project Santa Claus.

Picture Ol' Dirty b*stard in a Santa Claus suit.

Can you picture that?

Do you know who Ol' Dirty b*stard is?

I'm not big on that.

You oughta be nervous. You a black cop.

You two m*therf*ckers huddle up or something and find this dude.

Stay right there.

I ain't goin' nowhere.

Calm down. I'm calm.

You're gonna sit in the car. Do your f*cking job!

You're pushing the wrong buttons.

We the victims, man.

That victim sh*t is way overblown.

Just sit there and shut up.

as*h*le.

Santa Claus strikes again.

Makes me want to go home and lock up all my sh*t.

You gotta stop talking to the police like that.

Shut up! You better stop talking to me like that.

I could kick your a*s for the way you actin' this morning.

We gonna have our Christmas party?

How we gonna have a party with our apartment looking like this?

We can't cancel the party, man! What about the h*s we had coming?

I invited some nice-a*s girls.

They gonna f*ck for a buck, do something strange for a little piece of change, and I know we gonna make them holler for a dollar.

One said they was gonna suck my d*ck from the back.

I ain't never had that ever happen to me.

I'm trying to go see what that be like right there--

Look, man, I don't give a sh*t about you, that party.

All I got to worry about is the rent, and it was your idea to use half the rent money...

Dix, I think we got something here.

Well, well. Whose is this?

Actually, it's both of ours.

No, it ain't! lt is, but it's for medicinal uses only.

I mean, he got cataract, lazy eye, a little glaucoma.

See that eye right there? Little shot of gonorrhea, see?

Do you guys have any idea what we could do to you for this?

No. Juvenile center?

We can make your Christmas worse than it already is.

Being that it's Friday, that means you're not gonna see a judge till possibly Monday.

Maybe.

But, since we're nice guys, we'll just confiscate this plant, take it with us until we find this Santa Claus character.

That's f*cked up, too.

Oh, hey, and when we find St. Nick, what do y'all want us to do to him, you know?

Cracked ribs, fractured skull, little eye gouge?

Fractured skull, beat the sh*t out that m*therf*cker.

Eye gouge, that's the sh*t. And an eye gouge.

I say stick a plunger in his a*s, like they did in New York.

Fractured skull.

This is Officer Brian Dix. I'm Officer Alvin Hole.

We'll let you know if anything develops.

Officer A. Hole and B. Dix.

We'll call you... if we find anything.

I like them police right there.

You got a big pile of dog sh*t in the middle of your bed.

You might want to check that out.

Merry Christmas.

He's the d*ck.

What the hell is going on around here?!

Happy Holidays, Miss Pearly.

Police running in and out! What the hell is going on?

Somebody broke in and stole all our stuff.

That bullshit security.

I sure hope they didn't get the rent money

'cause you two n*gg*s been ducking and dodging me for about three weeks now.

Me--

Today is the day you m*therf*ckers is gonna kick in!

Why you always bring your a*s up here harassing us?

With that big ol' wolf p*ssy?

You come here all the time smelling like that.

You don't even own the place! You just the manager.

And I'm gonna manage to evict your skinny-punk black a*s out of here today if you two m*therf*ckers don't pay up your rent.

Man, get that lined up.

Don't you worry about it, b*tch. I know somebody like it.

Take your a*s back downstairs, 'cause you ain't evictin' nobody unless you got a m*therf*cking army with you.

I don't need no army, Mr. Smart-a*s!

My son Damon home right now.

Damon!

I had a nightmare about that fool last night.

Day-Day!

Craig!

Which one of you b*tches want to wash my drawers tonight?

That'd be him. Him.

Okay.

I wash on Sundays, anyway.

Starch or press?

Starch, n*gga!

Move!

Come on in, Miss Pearly.

When did he get out? Last night.

And I'm gonna let you two b*tches in on a little secret-- when you spend 12 years on a level-4 prison yard, you become quite fond of little ol' girls like yourselves.

So either I'm gonna get my rent money today, or somebody getting their salad tossed tonight!

Damn!

That ain't even necessary.

Sure ain't!

We start our new job today, and I swear to God we're gonna have your money later on tonight-- cash...in your hand!

You better!

Either you fixin' to come see me, or Damon gonna come see you.

Simple as that.

You like 'cause your son is a f*g?

Shut up, b*tch!

Tell your fine daddy I said...

I hate that b*tch!

Tight-a*s pants, man! sh*t!

Look how tight these m*therf*cking pants are.

I can't even do the James Brown in these pants.

Good. I don't want to see you do the James Brown.

We ain't never gonna get no p*ssy in these clothes.

I'm gonna get some.

Tasha, how we look?

Like a couple of rent-a-cops.

What about them rent-a-t*ts?

See, the clothes don't make the player, the player make the clothes.

Rent-a-cops get p*ssy, too.

I'm not no rent-a-cop, I'm a Top Flight Security and don't you never forget it.

I swear, the first m*therf*cker get out of hand...

I'm gonna beat the-- sh*t!

Craig and Day-Day.

Just the n*gg*s I need to see.

Yo, what's up, O.G., triple O.G., O.G. triple, triple...O.G.?

You got out last night?

I ain't seen y'all in about 12 years, n*gga.

I was little. I was about--

You're grown up now, though.

Give a n*gga a hug, dawg.

I'm about to go--

lt's cool, dawg, it's cool. Come here.

Yeah, right there.

Group hug, n*gga. Come on, Craig.

All right, come here.

Get your a*s over here. Talk to you for a minute.

What's up, dawg? lt's good to be home, 'cause in the prison, dawg, ain't nothin' but the fellas, n*gga.

That's what I heard. I swear, man.

We got to care about each other.

That's right.

Somebody go get my mother!

I heard you m*therf*ckers ain't paid your rent this month.

Ducking and dodging my moms and sh*t!

Get your tittie off my chin!

Show up here tonight without that rent money, and we gonna get real m*therf*cking acquainted.

You dig?

I can't breathe, I swear to God! He can't breathe!

Do you dig?!

I'm feeling you, dawg. Trust me.

Digging it. Good, good.

'Cause I'm gonna only say this sh*t once.

Come on, man, let's go.

Y'all look good in your little tight-a*s rent-a-cop outfits.

Merry Christmas, niggettes.

sh*t, man! That's bullshit, man.

He's gonna try and do something strange to us!

I'm gonna think of something.

That's f*cked up, man.

He might do something strange to you, though.

Puff-puff and give, m*therf*cker.

This is good sh*t. I ain't gonna be your mother--

Damn! Hurry up!

About a yean ago. my Pops quit his dog-catching job and went into business with my Uncle Elroy.

They opened up a spot called Bros. Barb-B-Q.

''Tastes so good. make you wanna slap youn mama. ''

You might've seen the commencial.

Y'all tired of that barbecue from up the street. where they give you more sauce than meat?

Bning youn big a*s down to Bros. Bar-B-Q.

15837 South Crenshaw Boulevard.

That's right off Manciesten.

Bros. Bar-B-Q. Tastes so good. make you want to slap youn mama!

Don't it. Willie?

Yeah. boy. Hey. Mama.

What the hell you want?

Ain't but one location. so it's nearest you.

You might've missed it.

They only had enough money for a 15-second spot.

But. anyway. my Pops got me and Day-Day thesejobs at the same strip mall as Christmas-help security.

Look, Day-Day, we only security guards, okay?

Ghetto security guards at that.

We ain't Cops. we ain't America's Most Wanted.

NYPD Blue. none of that sh*t you watch.

We something like them.

No. Nothing like it.

All we gonna do--take it easy, make this money, you're gonna watch your temper--

I ain't got to watch sh*t!

You gonna treat people right, talk to people right.

You can get your a*s kicked around here real quick.

I don't care about it getting out of hand.

I ain't getting into sh*t because of you.

This is a job, man. This ain't an adventure.

This is real, and I'm gonna let you know, I'm not having it.

Everybody's a suspect today.

And I told you, I'm a player.

I don't care about none of that.

Damn!

Get your a*s out, player.

f*ck, you remedial!

What does that mean? Ret*rded!

That wasn't nothing. Dumb-a*s, let's go.

I mess up all the time.

Come here! Look!

That's him! Let's get that mother!

Get him! Kick him!

Craig! Day-Day! Uncle Willie!

What the hell you doing to me?

What's happening?

Man, I didn't know!

Pop, I thought you were somebody else!

Willie, what are you doing to them boys back there?

Nothing! I'm counting money at the register.

These fools knock the hell out of me...

We made a mistake. Day-Day ran in and jumped on Daddy!

He's lying!

Why you boys beating up on Santa Claus?

He broke in our house and stole our presents.

And Craig let him do it! Why, Craig?

Why blame me? 'Cause you did!

I tried to fight him, and Day-Day...

I was screaming, he wouldn't even help.

What did you do, Day-Day?

Nothing! He stayed asleep the whole time.

Can I tell my story?

I ain't done sh*t, but he could have did something about it!

What did he look like?

Like Bobby Brown in a goddamned Santa Claus suit!

I heard about him.

They call him the ''Santa Clause Crook.''

He robbed a lady in the parking lot last week.

He called her a ''h* h* h*'' and kept running.

Who the f*ck are you?

I'm Cookie, the new waitress, and, um...

Elroy's new girlfriend.

You got another one? You're gonna catch something!

You should have kept Sugar's nasty a*s. What happened?

I kicked her country a*s to the curb.

Hooked up with her little sister.

That's how we players roll!

Elroy, read my lips-- you ain't no player!

You don't know nothing about being a player.

Betty done had your a*s p*ssy-whipped for about 30 years!

Nobody got me p*ssy-whipped. l...whips...p*ssy!

You boys look really good with your rent-a-cop outfits on.

Yes, very attractive.

This is Top Flight Security. We ain't no rent-a-cops.

Daddy, how I look?

Like a damn snitch! Man, that's cold!

Look like you're ready to tell on somebody right now!

Where's your flashlight at? You're supposed to have one.

You've got to shine some damn body!

We're supposed to get handcuffs, flashlights, taser g*ns--

Two German shepherds.

Y'all must not know what happened to the last security guards.

Mama's in the kitchen with the sauce.

Aw, sh*t! The sauce! Move, girl!

What happened to the other two sec--

Wait a minute!

Go say hello to your grandmother.

Come on, let's go. Move your big a*s!

What happened with the last two security guards?

Wake up, Mama. What the hell you want?

You burned the sauce again. Give me the spoon.

Nobody's gonna hit you.

You've lost your mind since Willie slapped you.

Damn, what happened to her?

You should never have let her into the commercial, anyway.

Got no business working.

You're the one gave her a concussion, Willie.

You were supposed to be acting. I should have smacked you!

How's she doing?

Hey, Big Mama, you all right?

Who are you? lt's Craig, Mama.

Who Craig? Don't worry about it.

Your oldest grandson. The smart one, not Day-Day.

She's still having blackouts and blurred vision.

Bet you remember Day-Day!

Why you always playing with her all the time?

That's enough damn salt there, Willie.

I know what I'm doing.

Don't nobody want all that salt in their potato salad!

Y'all argue too much!

What's wrong with y'all? Y'all should get married.

Why are you in so much competition with me?

You jealous, Willie.

I can't help it! I look better than you do!

You don't.

I cook better than you. You can't.

My d*ck is bigger than yours. lt was cold that night.

Think--last year at this time, you had won the Lotto, over $1 million.

Anybody else would be living in the French Riviera.

You're back here cooking pigs' feet with me at Bros. B-B-B-Bar-B-Q.

You tied-tongued dog catcher!

You best check on the sauce. Mama's out on her feet again.

Dumb-a*s dog catcher.

''I'm a Lotto stud. Lotto f*cking stud.''

So after Pops and Unc argued for another 15 minutes. it was time to meet our new boss.

His name is Moly.

He ran the whole strip mall and owned Holy Moly Donuts.

But trust me. don't even. even. even. even. even. even. even eat there.

We'll take the usual, Moly.

How you doing, boy?

Good, buddy. Merry Christmas, buddy.

Happy Hanukkah. L'claim.

These are my boys.

I'll be with you in just one minute, buddy.

Take your time.

Just be still.

What's up? How's business?

Everything is wonderful. Yeah, boy!

Have you seen our commercial?

Barbecue so good, makes you want to smack your mama.

What the fu-- Hey, buddy!

What the f*ck wrong with you?

Sorry, buddy. Reaction.

Hey, guys, I hear someone's looking for a job.

I want to ask a question. l...okay.

When we get our g*ns?

No g*ns. You are Top Flight unarmed security guards.

What about walkie-talkies? And flashlights?

Whoever catch the girl back there giving head behind the trash can?

I have to come back there with the flashlight and catch her.

You are supposed to be tough guys. You don't need gadgets, huh?

All you need is this here. lf there's any problems, you just blow. Toot-toot!

These guys are here all the time. They come running.

g*dd*mn, Craig!

Can we have more donuts? Please.

See? Very quick response time, huh?

You guys ready for tour of property?

Give me a twister. Make it two. Hold the flies.

Keep up. Come on. One-two, one-two, one-two.

Come on.

Since you've been here many times, I'm gonna make it short and sweet.

Buddy, come on.

As you know, this here is my place.

This is the Holy Moly Donut Shop, huh?

Say it with me, guys-- ''Holy Moly Donut Shop.''

Very good. You get one free bear claw every lunch break.

Come on, guys. Come on, come on.

Okay. Over here is the Chrome Dome.

You got cars, they got rims.

This, of course, is your family business, Bros. Bar-B-Q.

That's check cashing. No l.D. required.

This one here is a brand-new store. lt's p*mps and h*s-- some kind of flashy clothing.

Damn! Damn!

Who is that?

That's Donna. She's the owner's girlfriend.

He's a funny-dressing kind of guy from out of town or something.

He's kind of a pig, though. He treat her like sh*t, man.

I would love for her to be one of my wives, huh?

Damn, how many wives you got?

Me? 12, buddy.

Yeah. All of them freaks, too, huh?

# Freaks come out at night, what, what, what? #

# Freaks come out at night... #

Whodini. You know Who--

Yeah, buddy! Okay!

He's a character. Real big character.

He's short but big.

# Hold up, wait a minute, let me put some pimping in it #

He's funny-looking, huh?

I don't know. Why he dress like this?

How are you? Doesn't matter. Get the trunk.

Thank you.

He's got problems.

Quickly, now, quickly. Got a business to run.

Hey, buddy.

And don't drag that coat. lt costs more than you do.

Okay, and over here, this is a liquor store.

Don't let nobody hang out in front of liquor store.

Nobody, buddy.

Nobody.

And this is your booth.

Any questions? l've got one question. What's up, buddy?

What happened to the last guards that worked here?

You ask too many questions, man. lt's time to get to work.

Remember, you guys are Top Flight security guards, best in the whole world, huh?

You have to defend this whole place with your own life.

And I'll die for this sh*t, too.

Remember, Christmas Eve means lots of shoppers. lf there's any trouble, you come get me-- when you take care of it, then come get me.

Okay, go, go. Come on.

Come on. Keep it real, huh?

When are you gonna ask him for an advancement on our first week's pay?

Don't worry about that. I'll ask when the time is right.

Just keep your rabbit-a*s mouth shut.

Remember what Damon said. You remember what I said.

Don't start trying to outthink me, because you're gonna hurt yourself.

Where you think you going? lt's small in here. No, you're big in here.

Get off my foot!

Just scoot over there. You scoot over, man!

This sh*t is uncomfortable, man. Can't even move in here.

So what? Just deal with it. I got to.

What are we gonna do now?

Sit here and wait for something to happen.

Not me.

That sh*t is boring, man.

Good. I like boring. Easy money for us.

I hope don't nothing happen all day.

We can sit and watch these females shop till they drop.

Matter of fact, watch out.

Ain't this a b*tch? I'm waiting on some action to jump off.

You heard what Mr. Moly said.

We Top Flight security of the world, Craig!

sh*t! Not just the city, the world!

Been jacked by Santa Claus, all kind of sh*t.

They need security in the world, Craig!

sh*t!

For one thing, calm down. Slow your roll.

Don't let that man pump you up and get your a*s shot out here.

We ain't no damn Top Flight security of the world!

We Craig and Day-Day, so just kick back, relax--

You heard what happened to the last security guards.

You didn't even hear what happened, so how the f*ck was I gonna hear it?

Just do your job, and I'm gonna do mine.

sh*t. No problem.

I'm gonna do my job. No problem.

Get your damn feet out of my f--

# Joy to the world, the Lord is come #

Bingo! I got action.

What's up?

# Let every heart prepare him room #

# And heaven and nature sing... #

Heaven and-- f*ck all that sh*t!

Y'all h*s got to get off this corner with that!

Excuse me, sugar, what did you just say?

You heard me what I said. Y'all h*s got to move off this corner.

You better watch your little filthy mouth.

You are talking to children of the Lord.

That's right!

I want you to know who you're talking to, too--

Top Flight m*therf*cking security!

You can't talk to these old-a*s ladies like that!

Just back me up and do your damn job!

Y'all movin' on and take that sh*t--

Wait a minute, b*tch! I ain't no k*ller, you understand me?

But don't you push me, don't you touch me!

You gonna make me blow this. I'll clear all this sh*t out with this.

Joker, f*ck you and your whistle!

Y'all trying to use the Lord to sell p*ssy on this corner.

Shut your little filthy mouth!

Calm down.

Let's go on to church, and we gonna pray for these n*gg*s.

Have mercy, Jesus. Forgive me, Lord.

What's wrong with you?

You can't talk to people like that. That's somebody grandmama, fool!

I can talk to people any f*cking way I want to, and I'm the law around here.

And I'm gonna write your a*s up for insubordination.

Let me do my job and you do yours.

Top Flight!

Man. I couldn't believe how Day-Day was acting.

Even since he got that whistle around his neck.

He been acting like a neal as*h*le rent-a-cop.

Look at him!

Where you going?

I'm trying to park so I can go in the check-cashing place.

You can't park right here because there's a new policy.

Give me the number, or you can't park here.

I ain't never heard of no policy like that.

You ain't never met a Top Flight security n*gga like me!

Give me the number or get to f*cking rolling.

Look at that fool. I've got to put a stop to this sh*t.

...no parking spot, okay, 'cause I'm married!

Get this piece of sh*t out of here! He's just playing.

No, I'm not playing. You better not park!

Bye-bye. Bring that car back here!

Man, what did I do?

I got this.

Why every time you get a little position of power, you abuse your authority?

You need to work on your people skills.

That's bullshit. My people skills are way better than yours.

Just sit down and relax.

Bingo! Got more action!

Get y'all little bad-a*s mo' over here!

Leave them damn kids alone! They ain't messing with you!

Stop blowing that g*dd*mn whistle!

What's wrong with you? You tripping!

Some L.A.P.D. sh*t.

You know what? Don't hate...appreciate.

You're just mad 'cause I'm always on the...

...crime whistle!

I'll calm your a*s down one way or another.

You ain't got to calm me down. Fire that up.

Not on duty. Not on duty!

You better fire this up!

I ain't no grocery-store bouncer. I'm a Top Flight security guard.

You got to recognize the difference between the police--

Light the sh*t. We are not little no more.

Come on! What?

You know what?

You're not gonna be punking me when we get 40.

This sh*t gonna stop one day, dude.

Well, it ain't gonna stop today, so light it up before I beat that a*s.

Whatever. Yeah, yeah.

This Barney Fife sh*t.

I'm thinking of something right now.

That's some good sh*t, right? no. You're a bad-a*s influence on my life.

Ever since l've been kicking it with you, my life has been a shambles, dude.

Give me my g*dd*mn joint.

Hold on. Let me hit it one more time.

One more time, let me hit it, man!

You gave it to me to smoke!

I ain't no bad influence on you. I'm the best cousin you've got. lf it wasn't for me, you'd be getting punked all the time.

And I keep you safe and I keep you warm, 'cause you know how little timid you are.

Look. Look.

Whatever.

Man, it's just us, Craig and Day-Day. Damn!

I was about to Barry Bonds y'all's black asses!

You almost made me catch a heart attack!

I ought to hit your a*s and give you brain damage.

Let me hit that before Willie bring his old square a*s out here.

You can go to jail for some sh*t like that, for real.

He been real brand-new today.

How's it going out here so far? lt's been boring and quiet.

Just wait around.

Them young th*gs don't come out till about 1 :00 or 1 :30.

They coming. I just pray to God I'm here when they come.

Uncle Elroy gonna beat the sh*t out of 'em!

h* h* h*, m*therf*ckers!

What you looking at before I sh**t you in your mouth?

Up against the wall!

Jesus!

Shut up! What you got, toothpick?

I ain't got nothing.

Done sh*t on yourself! What you looking at?

Don't I know you?

You gonna know a b*llet in your a*s! This all you got?

I ain't got nothing but 20 funky-a*s dollars.

I ought to sh**t your broke a*s.

What's up, Al Green?

You remind me of them old players that be clubbing with young girls.

You remind me of a young n*gga f*cking with the wrong old n*gga!

He's gonna sh**t your a*s! Get up against the wall!

Shut up! Give me the watch!

No, not the Rolie.

Now it's a ''stoley.'' Looking like a Mississippi pimp.

b*tch better have my sweet potatoes. Top Flight Security!

Merry Christmas, m*therf*ckers.

Santa Claus got my Rolex! Let's get him!

Do something! Do something!

Don't just stand there. Help me. sh*t! How?

Move, move, move!

...three quarters, two dimes, and a nickel!

Y'all didn't hear me blowing this whistle?

What is it, buddy?

We just got jacked by Santa Claus! He almost tied us up and f*cked us!

He pulled out a p*stol... Dodo, you on crack, buddy?

Hey, man, just let it go. Get your g*dd*mn hands off me!

Me, my cousin, and my daddy-- we just got jacked by Santa Claus!

But you're security guard, buddy.

That's why I asked your a*s for them two flashlights.

These guys!

That's why I hate the f*ck' law!

Get your fat a*s up and do something!

You get up, too!

Give me flashlights, or we gonna get k*lled around here!

Jacked by Santa Claus on Christmas Eve!

Twice in one day!

You wanted to grab somebody, you should've grabbed that n*gga!

Security! You need to turn in your damn whistle!

Where you going, Mama?

I'm going to make my daily rounds.

Could you make me a sandwich when you get back?

Make your own damn sandwich.

Tupac. Tupac, Tupac!

g*dd*mn, you fine!

Ooh, the way you talk gangsta, n*gga!

Yoo-hoo!

Anybody home?

Ain't nobody here.

Oh, my goodness.

What in the hell done happened to the mail?

I ain't the only one they owe.

Dirty b*stards.

This child is filthy!

Wishful thinking.

Weed!

Got me some weed!

That's why they ain't paid their damn rent!

So what happened after that?

I don't want to talk about that. Y'all ain't gonna catch no damn body.

I just want you to stop and whip some a*s on the way to the station.

Least I'll feel better then.

What were you doing in the alley, anyway?

I was emptying the trash!

I had already taken it out. Well, it was full!

Don't you mess with this b-b-barbecue. I'm gonna keep my eye on you.

I don't give a damn 'bout your lazy eye, you Popeye-lookin' son of a--

Nah, wait a minute! I started this barbecue sh*t! ls this the m*therf*cking thanks I get?

That's enough! Calm down!

I just appreciate you even blessing me with your presence.

Bishop Magic Don Juan and Money m*therf*cking Mike!

What they know about that?

Let me get this straight-- for the second time, y'all got jacked by Santa Claus?

Black guy, wasn't it?

Nah. This was a n*gga that did this. lf I build it, the h*s will come. Learn from the best.

God bless you, Mike. Keep your game tight, hear, player?

Absolutely.

...got Daddy's Rolex.

# Dashing through these h*s in a one-horse open sleigh... #

Everything is 25% off. Everything must go.

Maybe even you.

Explain yourself now, player.

Day-Day! Ow, Daddy!

You talk too damn much!

He didn't want to blow his whistle, so I blew mine.

Pay attention!

That's the reason we got jacked in the first damn place.

We'll make out our report and get back to you.

Guys, y'all have to get dressed. The kids will be here any minute.

Back to work.

I didn't know you can make a snowman in 80-degree weather.

Anything is possible. All you need is a can of snow.

What's cracking? My name's Craig.

I'm Donna. What's up, Donna?

What kind of stuff y'all sell in here?

We got everything-- FUBU, Sean John, Dada.

What are you looking for?

Anything's better than what I got on.

What, you don't like the flashlight look?

I see you got jokes.

Well, you can always buy your girlfriend something.

We have ladies' wear, too.

Yeah, y'all do, huh?

I don't really got a girlfriend, you know.

I usually get rid of them this time of year.

That way, you ain't got to buy them sh*t.

For real?

Yeah, why not?

I'm just playing.

I see you got jokes. A couple.

So that's your little m*dget boyfriend?

Little micro-mini pimp up in there?

Oh! What's cracking, baby?

My name is Day-Day, right? This is my big-head-a*s cousin.

You know, beevo-latte, got more head than he got body.

Check this out--

I just spotted you way across from the lot, and I'm gonna let you know, it ain't your booty, it's your beauty. lf you see anything suspicious around here...

Let me know, 'cause I got my eyes on everything.

Let's start off with your number.

That's the only way we're gonna be able to communicate.

No, you gotta get your a*s back to that booth.

But, man, she like me!

Come on, woman.

I can't move that fast with this stomach.

Why you got to bring your a*s over here?

I was trying to see if she seen a Santa Claus with a suit on.

What your a*s doing over here? You know what I'm doing over here.

I just don't want no bullshit.

You know, all that ''my hair retain heat.''

I don't know nothin' about that.

I'm sorry. I have to go help them.

Fine piece, boy.

She fine.

She liked me, didn't she?

No. Yes, she did.

How she gonna like you when she like me?

'Cause she hadn't seen me yet.

I wish I hadn't seen you yet.

Can I help you?

I just walked in the store.

Let me look around a little bit. Dang!

I could use some help over here. ln the men's.

Burn a pimp, see what happen to you.

That's all you gotta do, just burn a pimp one time. l'd like this FUBU sweatshirt with some socks.

Are you all right?

I'm fine, I just--

This can't be happenin', this can't be happenin'.

Oh, no, player!

You see that? I seen that.

Turn him off! What the hell's wrong with him?

Come on, Bill, let's go. I don't see nothing in here I like.

No, you ain't sick no more.

That a*s is got. Come on!

Baby still kicking?

Yeah, feel like twins.

We saw that sh*t! Saw what?

Let me go!

Get ahold of her, man!

Stop letting her kick your a*s!

Y'all going to jail!

For shop-stealing and stealing everything!

We ain't stole sh*t!

What about this?

Uh-huh!

Aw, damn! They done got a player?!

That ain't nothin' you like? You going to jail, Cicely Tyson.

Girl, I can't believe you did this! I'm appalled!

You ain't Paul! You a n*gga that steals!

Y'all got the game messed up! Huh? You gonna steal from a pimp?

Where is Elroy?

He's in the back. He doesn't want to come out.

What?!

Keep your voice down.

Merry Christmas, everybody.

Come on out here right now for these kids, Elroy, or you and I are gonna fight!

All the money we spent for these. Get your butt out here, man.

Aw, Elroy, you look cute.

Oh, he's a cutie-pie.

We ought to be celebrating Kwanzaa, anyway.

Messing with these kids' heads with this white man's holiday.

Oh, shut up, Elroy.

Prance your a*s over and let them kids pet on you.

Oh, hell, no, Willie!

That's where I put my hoof down. Ain't nobody pettin' on me!

Will you shut up? Prance your a*s over there!

Let them kids pet on you. What's wrong with you?

That ain't prancin'. lt ain't Easter.

I ain't know no damn reindeer.

Prance! Look, like this.

Go!

Go!

You ain't gotta do this. You just mad 'cause--

Shut the f*ck up!

Little punk-a*s b*tch. Y'all f*ck and make puppies. lt's Christmas Eve. Have some holiday cheer.

Holiday cheer these nuts. Get back.

Hey, player.

Mike. Mike! Get back!

Player!

Nah, nah, let him through.

You little shrimp m*therf*cker.

I'm gonna sue your a*s! Come on, cut me!

No, no, no!

Give me that, give me that.

I guarantee I wanna do my thing!

Think about your mama, man. I'm thinking about your a*s.

Think about what your mama would say.

You all right? Yeah, I'm fine.

You know what I'm saying? I got a little razzle-dazzled.

My name is Money Mike, player. How you doing?

All right, don't squeeze hard.

All right, what's happening?

This is my young girl Donna. Say hi, woman.

What's up?

That'll be quite enough. Thank you so much.

See, the thing is, we just opened up around here, you know what I'm saying?

And we've been having some problems, obviously, as you see.

I appreciate what y'all did

'cause these c*ck would've cleaned me out.

Speaking of c*ck, where was your antennas when them n*gg*s were stealing my sh*t out the store?

I didn't see them take anything. You didn't see 'em take anything.

Well, look next time! Use your eyes!

They ain't supposed to just be hazel, they supposed to do some damn work!

This ain't for play. I don't do this for fun.

I'm sorry.

Don't be sorry. h*, be careful! Lord Je--

You know what?

I'm tired of your presence. Dismissed.

Nice meeting you guys.

See you later.

You got her trained, n*gga, damn!

You can lead a h* to water, player, but you can't make 'em think.

You dig what I'm sayin'?

I got to keep it breezy around this b*tch.

Anyway, I need to take care of y'all.

I appreciate what y'all did for a player.

I can't be everywhere at all times.

No charge.

What about our rent money? No charge.

Y'all sure?

Positive. We just doing our job. We can't charge you, man.

Don't argue with ''no charge.''

You can come to the store anytime you want.

Can we get some clothes, 30% off, 40% off?

A FUBU short set? You don't need sh*t.

Man.

Look, we just having a little Christmas party tonight.

Why don't you and your lady come or hang out with us and our folks?

Let me check my Palm Pilot.

Look like I ain't doin' sh*t.

Bring a bunch of b*tches--

I'm talking about a busload of them h*s if you can.

I was gonna get drunk and watch The Grinch. so I'll be there.

I'll get the address from y'all later. I'll see you later, too.

Yo, yo, player, hold up.

Never know what I might need this for.

Might want to shave. Might want to shave somebody else!

Never know.

I like that n*gga! I like him!

Look, that's real pimpin'. Now, that's pimpin'.

Get off his d*ck, Day-Day.

What do you want for Christmas, young fella?

I want a X-Box with all the games, all the new gear, a new Lexus with a banging system and chrome feet on it.

Here's my address, Mr. Jones.

Mr. Jones?

No, Santa.

I'm Santa. Bullshit! You Mr. Jones.

I know where you live, too, so I expect everything by tomorrow.

You feel me?

Put everything in my mom's name.

He don't look like no reindeer, he look like a pit bull.

Giddy-up, pit bull.

You better stop jumping up and down before I have to bite your little a*s.

Can you lock your jaws and shake like a pit bull?

Yeah. Want me to show you?

My brother said if a pit bull locks his jaws like that, you're supposed to do this to him...

I didn't have to take anything. lt was all her. Come on, man.

Take her! Let me go! Come on!

Later, Moly. Okay, buddy, take care.

A-Team!

# Bad boys! What you gonna do? #

Dodo! Good job, buddy.

Thanks. You, too, Clyde.

Take lunch, one half-hour. That's cool right there.

Don't be late.

That's a dirty m*therf*cker.

He blowin' smoke in our face on the first arrest?

That's bullshit.

I told you there ain't no future in being a company man.

Let's just go to lunch. Let's go. I'm hungry.

Ain't that...

Get them n*gg*s! Come on, sugars!

Come on and get them! Dude, I think--

Represent for your mama. That's what I'm talking about.

I'm gonna bust in your head, boy!

Run!

Come back here!

Go, man, go!

Run, Day-Day! Run!

Good kind of a*s whipping!

A whole lot of a*s whipping!

These fools went down the alley!

Watch out! Watch out! Slow down!

Yo, Big Pimpin', can you hide us?

What's happenin'? Oh, yeah. I'm good in a crisis. Hold on.

Donna, code red.

Come on, in the back.

Sure has been a lot of work today, player.

Pimping ain't easy but-- can I help you, player?

No!

No? Well, this ain't the Baby Gap.

Get your fake a*s out of my way!

Oh, this is bullshit.

I'm in between a pimp and a hard place.

Donna! Man down! 1 1-30! Pimp in distress!

Oh, Lord, where the hell is Donna?

Can I help you? Yo, move!

Who do you think you are? What's your problem? Move!

I can't let you back there. Why? Who back there?

Did you hear me?!

Go, go, go!

Come on, come on!

Let's go.

What you doing? Get back!

They in one of these stores or somethin'.

Check over there. Come on.

Go! Go! Go!

Let's jump. Let's jump.

Yo, Moly! I heard you hired two security guards that's been harassing my grandmother and things.

Two new guys--Clyde and Dodo.

You remember what we did to the last security guards?

Yes, I do, buddy.

When you see them, you tell them we said this...

Help! Somebody, help me! Help me, please!

Somebody, help me, please!

Did you see what they just did to Moly?

They gonna kick our a*s when they catch us.

That's why they ain't gonna catch us.

Where them rent-a-cops at, huh?

What you looking at, old man? Mind your own f*ck' business.

Come on. Let's just jump on Moly's car.

Craig, I'm scared, man.

So what? Me, too.

Oh, f*ck this.

I'm not about to get my motherfuckin' a*s kicked over no job!

You smart as a m*therf*cker today.

sh*t.

This way.

Oh, sh*t!

Wow! Oh, my God!

Damn!

Someone call 91 1 !

Moly, you got knocked the f*ck out!

Oh, good observation, buddy. Where were you, buddy, huh?

We was on our lunch break.

Trying to get something to eat so we could secure this nasty-a*s lot.

Good, you were eating while I was getting beating.

Look like somebody beat the bricks off your m*therf*cking a*s.

You're supposed to be security guard, no?

We are security. Ain't that a b*tch?

We are security guards.

Oh, no, not anymore. You're both fired.

Oh, man!

Man, what the f*ck?

Oh, hell, no!

We just got this job! How you gonna fire us?

Turn over your whistles. We need to be whipping his a*s now.

Whip his a*s, daddy! I'll sue you.

Whip him! Just give me the whistle.

Give him his whistle, Craig. Go on and blow that!

Take your stinky-a*s whistle! Good, Dodo. Now it's dirty.

Get out of here!

L'claim! Take your flies!

I hope your camel got a ticket outside.

Get outta here!

Daddy, do something! What you gonna do?

Can't just come up in here like that!

Oh, I got it, I got it!

Y'all stick around here. Yeah, boy!

Damn, you a better snitch than we is, Uncle Willie.

Yeah, boy!

Yeah, boy!

Help!

Help me, please!

Somebody, help me, please!

So, Craig, you gonna still have the party tonight?

I don't know. I'm not even in the spirit no more.

Don't let nobody ever take your spirit away from you! lt's Christmas! Supposed to be happy!

That's right, baby.

Listen, it's not what you get, it's how you feel.

You want us to bring some ribs tonight?

No. I'm sick of ribs.

So what we gonna do, man?

Now. willie everybody was just worried about getting they boogie on. me and Day-Day still had a problem to solve.

That's when I came up with the perfect idea-- a rent party.

We'd just change everybody in the 'hood to come kick it with us. you know!

Elroy, this stuff is weak.

What the hell else you got? Damn!

There you go.

Aw!

Damn!

Merry Christmas, merry Christmas, jingle bells, noogah!

Hey!

Hey, hey, it's good to see you, baby!

Hey, man, I feel good. How y'all?

Everybody, Merry Christmas, noogah, from Pinky, noogah!

Hey, look here, look here.

No hard feelings about what happened out at the shop.

Everything's copastetic, noogah.

Every time I see you, you're talking about the same sh*t.

Be straight, man! Merry Christmas.

Check this out, man.

Since you got a lot of money in your man-purse, we doing a little kick-in party, so I'm gonna need you to kick in.

I got something for you that's better than money.

Better than money?

I brought you and Day-Day a little somethin'-somethin'!

Check it out! Better than money?

Ladies, come on in and say hi to my friend Craig, noogah!

This is Mo' Wet.

How you doing?

Oh, yeah, show him what you're working with.

Shake it! Shake it!

Right here is one of my little Spice Girls.

I calls her ''Cinnamon.''

Cinnamon, huh?

You so cute.

Do it again, do it again. I ain't playin'.

She been on Soun Train. noogah!

And last but not least, this is Lollipop.

I calls her Lollipop!

Hey, baby.

Whoo, Lordy!

Uh, look here, uh...

Lollipop is all mine. All right. That's cool.

Hey, Day-Day!

Hold this for me, baby.

Day-Day, what's up?!

Hey, you better watch that jheri-curl juice!

Damn, Pinky! sh*t!

Boy, you look good, man!

Merry Christmas, boy!

We still slinging records out there at the shop.

We miss you down there!

Man, I know y'all do. Why'd you fire me, Pink?

I had to! You was always late, fool!

Say it again!

Say it again!

Damn, girl, you eating again?

What's up O.G., triple O.G.?

What's up? How you doing, man?

Everything all right?

I'm cool, dawg. Good.

Got my shank in case sh*t jump off in this m*therf*cker.

Relax, homey, ain't nothin' about to jump off in here.

That's my people, man! That's my folks.

My grandma, my uncle.

What you need to do, man, is grab one of these females and get your boogie on.

I don't want to dance with none of these h*s.

You're a fool.

Ooh, what's up?

Merry Christmas.

Who is that?

How are you?

Oh, I'm all right.

You look great.

That's, uh, that's Donna.

You the greenest little troll I ever seen!

Who the n*gga she with?

That's just Money Mike.

Little Lucky Charms, little micro-mini pimp.

Oh, that n*gga look magically delicious, n*gga.

That's right.

Perm and sh*t.

Craig, look who here!

Yeah, bring him over here. Bring his a*s right here.

Oh, man, thanks for coming through, man.

I appreciate that.

No problem. Thanks for inviting us.

We had to show y'all some love after what y'all did for us at the store.

Don't she look good? lntroduce me to your friend, Craig.

Oh, that's Money Mike.

That's Donna. Hi. Merry Christmas.

This Damon. He live downstairs.

That was like The Matrix!

Got some testosterone problems.

Why don't you go get me something to drink, please?

Thank you.

Where is it? Right through here.

No, no.

Like to dislocated my shoulder.

Yo, homey, you ever been to the pen?

Hell, no, but thanks for asking. Won't bother asking you, though.

Uh, Craig? Yeah.

Where your bathroom at, player?

I got to piss like a Russian racehorse at the Kentucky Derby with a glue truck behind him.

Yo, it's right through there.

I got to pee diddy! About to get it on.

Hey, don't piss on the seat.

What's up, O.G., triple O.G.?

You got that look in your eye.

Fresh fish on the line, n*gga.

Ain't nothin' like that sh*t.

Yeah, baby! Yeah!

Have to drink a little bit more water. Smell like ammonia in this b*tch.

Come on. There you go.

One at a time, player, one at a time.

Busy right now, working with a monster.

You know what this is, new booty!

New booty? Don't fight the sh*t.

Fight what sh*t? Let it happen.

Let what happen? What the hell you doing?

Phone books? n*gga, I ain't even in the phone book.

This ain't funny, n*gga. I'll b*tch-slap your a*s.

Come on, I ain't playin'.

No!

Here's my card right here if y'all ever want to be pimped.

Day-Day.

Better not let Pinky see that sh*t. We ought to give it to him, though.

That's a barbecue card.

Don't give a f*ck. That's where I'm pimping, out of the barbecue place.

Come and get barbecue-slapped. sh*t.

Sneaky son of a b*tch.

Damn, he's been in there a long time.

I told you he was sick.

He might be in there throwing up anything.

Why don't we just step in here?

We can sit down and wait for him in here.

All right.

You got a nice room here. Pretty clean for a bachelor.

I got a nice bed, too. Wanna try it?

You funny, huh? I'm not trying to be funny.

I'm trying to spread a little holiday cheer, get close to you.

So, what brings you to California with this little half-a-Prince m*therf*cker?

You know, I ask myself that same question.

What am I doing way out here, away from my family this time of year?

But it's just hard.

sh*t, just leave.

You don't understand. lt's not that easy.

I mean, he got you all the way out here so he can, you know, mistreat you, do all them things to you-- you know, I want to do some things to you that, um...

You sure you don't want to just, like, lean back?

What you think?

No!

Don't do it!

You got some condoms?

Day-Day, get the hell out of here!

You know damn well you got all the rubbers in your--

Get the f*ck out of here!

She liked me anyway, didn't you?

You're a trip.

You know what? Don't pay no attention to Day-Day.

That boy, he just a fool. You know what?

Let's just go before Mike comes busting in on us.

And, Craig, a word of advice-- you should get a lock on this door.

I ain't never gonna get no p*ssy.

What if I tried to get a lock right now and just--

All right. God!

Come on out of there! Pop, what's the matter?

Who's in the bathroom?

That eggnog about to kick back up on me.

You know I got them bad guts.

Man, Pops gotta boo-boo, come on!

Don't tell everybody!

Hey, you know what?

The lady will let you use it downstairs, the landlady.

Miss Pearly.

Go on down. She'll let you use it.

Come on out of there, man!

Honey, where you going?

I'll be right back. Oh, boy!

All right!

All right!

I'm Craig's daddy--Willie Jones.

As you know, we're having a little get-together upstairs, and the bathrooms are jammed.

I like the way you got that lined up.

Mind if I use yours?

No. Come on in.

Where's it at? Down the hall.

Thank you.

All right, there we go.

There we go. About time.

Oh, just what I needed so bad.

Yeah, there it is.

How you doing?

Show me what you working with.

Oh, damn! What's wrong with you, fool?

That's my woman you're dancing with.

Hey, fool, your woman's freaking with me!

I bought them t*tties!

What's wrong with you?

I'll bust a cap right in your fat a*s.

Don't mess up the party, Elroy.

Dance with me, dance with me. Come on, dance with me.

Did you pee on me?

Wake your b*tch-a*s up, Lucky Charms.

I like my fish wet and squirmy.

I thought I was dreaming. You almost drowned me, n*gga.

Oh, you dreaming. This a wet dream.

Wet dream? Wait a minute, I'm a pimp!

You lost your mind? What the hell?!

Am I in prison?

Donna! Pimp down!

You got a lot of ba*ls!

Pimpin', pimpin', pimpin'!

You was just gonna take it, wasn't you? Hmm?

You thought I was play-pimping, didn't you?

Yeah, okay, okay.

Could you just let me go? Say something.

I was just playing with you.

I was playing with you, dawg.

I was playing, man, okay?

I'm a nice guy when you get to know me.

Shut up! What the hell you talking about?

I am a boy!

You are not in prison anymore, Damon!

That's not how we do it!

Say, noog! This is Pinky, noogah! Look, I got to go pee-pee!

Uh, Damon, are you a music lover?

You are? Good. Have you ever heard of The Nutcracker?

Oh, sh*t!

Have you, huh? Have you heard it?

Huh? Huh?

Yes. Yes.

# Crunching on your ba*ls in a one-horse open sleigh... #

Mom, what's the matter?

Where did your father go?

He just went downstairs to use the bathroom over at Miss Pearly's, the landlady.

Oh, Miss Pearly. Hmm...

Excuse me.

Mama.

Oh, sh*t!

Hey!

Should be a law against people with guts like mine.

That was a monster-- Why it so dark in here, baby?

What are you about to do, pray or something?

Did your son tell you I said hi?

No. Pertaining to what?

Your son Craig ain't paid his rent this month, and I'm about to throw him out on his a*s tomorrow.

So how much do you really love your boy?

Not enough to pay his f*cking rent. I have enough trouble paying my own!

I'm not talking about rent, Willie Jones.

Well, what you talking about, Miss Pearly?

I'm talking about these nuts!

You're gonna give me some of this d*ck today!

I don't even know you, woman!

I heard they call you ''Sweet-d*ck Willie.''

Who, me? Yeah!

You heard that, huh? Yeah.

Yes, baby, I'm a bad mother.

Can I have some of it? Let me go, woman! Hell, no!

I don't know you, woman!

Oh, Sweet-d*ck Willie!

Willie, get your a*s off that heifer!

Daddy, get your a*s off that heifer!

Yeah, pimping!

That's right.

Hey, I want everybody back!

There's gonna be ball juice everywhere!

Everybody get back!

Get back in the house!

Don't take anybody!

Y'all get the hell out of my house!

My d*ck wouldn't get hard!

Whip his a*s, Mama!

Miss Pearly, you ain't right, trying to give my daddy V.D.

I'm calling the police on y'all, fool!

Well, get that lined up, too, first, b*tch!

Go to hell!

Player. Player!

What's going on?

Ain't nothin', player.

Thanks for inviting me. I appreciate it.

Donna, get the car.

Come on, player.

Hey, them my vise grips, man!

Yeah, that's his nuts, too. You can have them both back!

Look, I'm just saying, man, let him go, and there won't be no hard feelings.

No hard feelings?

Have you ever seen a rottweiler bite a chihuahua?

No.

Me, neither, but it ain't pretty, I'm sure of it.

Now you hold on till I get in the car.

Dude, I'm not about to touch his nuts or them vise grips.

Oh, yes, you are. No, I'm not.

Yes, you are! Bullshit.

You invited me to this party, ain't that right?

That's right. Whatever y'all do, make it quick.

I think I'm gonna pass out.

No, no, no-- lt's your party, your pliers, his nuts in your hand.

That's how it's going. Donna, get the door.

I'll get the car door.

Give me a call when you get a chance.

Yeah.

I'll call you.

Hold on.

[SlLENTLY] Call me.

Hey! What?!

Can you hear me now? Yeah.

Get these pliers!

All right. You ready?

I'm ready. I'm ready.

You ready? Oh, I'm ready, player.

On the count of three--

Here we go. One... On your ba*ls...

Two... Grab a handful...

Three! Go!

Hey!

Donna, you can't leave me! Hey, pimp in distress!

b*tch, I ain't--hold on!

How the f*ck you gonna leave me?!

He gonna f*ck the lining out of Little Prince.

Code 1 1-32--pimp missing!

What?

You see that mother?

That-that's--

He the one broke in the apartment!

You see him?

Yeah, he just went through there on the side.

You ready? I'm not going in there, man.

Stop being so scary. All our stuff might be in there.

Why you always got to be a hero, man?

Take your--go over there.

I bet something bite you in the a*s. I'm not going.

No, I don't want to get bit in the a*s.

Ten more minutes before Christmas.

Ten more minutes. That's what I'm talking about.

Lord have mercy, I'm tired as a runaway sl*ve.

Let's see what I got.

Don't nobody get me nothin', anyway.

Oh, snap.

Dada. I always wanted me a Dada.

Hell, yeah.

Extra medium? Extra medium?

Hell, got to have something for the skinny n*gg*s.

Day-Day, this could be our last chance.

You keep your timid a*s here. I'm going to get my sh*t.

Yeah, I roll to the club just like this, baby.

Santa Claus up here, grabbing me some wallets, cigarette lighters, some car keys.

Hold it right there, you crack baby!

Yeah, let's get his a*s, Craig!

Beat him, Craig!

...break in they house, hit them with trees!

Hold him, Day-Day!

Turn around!

h* h* h*, m*therf*cker!

Move, Day-Day!

Damn!

Damn, Craig! Get his a*s!

sh*t!

Mother!

Damn it, Craig, get up!

Top Flight! Get his a*s, Day-Day!

Go!

Damn!

sh*t!

I caught you, didn't l?

Sons of b*tches! You don't know who you're f*cking with!

I'm one of the coldest n*gg*s in the city!

Get out of my collard greens and my mustard greens!

l'd like to blowed another hole in one of your asses!

Dirty sons of b*tches!

Come on out of there!

Next time, I'm gonna sh**t you in the one that's winking, not the one that stink!

Praise God.

Yo, dang, man, what's up with that?!

I got a calling on y'all's life.

I'm here to deliver the word of God, you know?

Please don't hurt me.

Beat that a*s!

Get his a*s, Craig!

Wait a minute!

Go, go, go! Move!

Get his a*s!

Go, go, go!

Get out of my house!

Beat his a*s!

Oh, sh*t!

I know you're in there!

Go, go, go!

Move, move, move!

Come on, you two-time haters. Where you at?

Y'all know I ain't playin'!

Come on! Come on! Respect my gangsta!

Open the door!

f*ck, I'll k*ll y'all. Take your broke a*s home!

That boy can take a fall!

Y'all n*gg*s don't know who you're f*cking with!

I told you I ain't no freak!

I'll k*ll one of you young punks!

Can't catch me, baby.

Prime time.

Damn! What the hell?!

sh*t.

g*dd*mn it, C.W., what did you hit?!

Man, I think that was a dog, man.

I ain't playin' with you, noogah!

Didn't I tell you I was gonna fire you if you hit something else?

Nope, I didn't hear that part, Pinky.

After you hit that little Ret*rded boy with the f*cked-up walk.

You're costing me money, C.W.

He's still breathing. Get your a*s back in the car! Oh, noogah...

All right, m*therf*cker, let's go.

Come on, noogah!

Get your a*s in the car, come on!

You done hit Santa Claus!

That was Pinky's limo.

Look, he hit Santa a*s!

Got your a*s! Turn over!

D.O.A.

Should I tell him or you? Let's both tell him.

You got knocked the f*ck out!

b*tch!

Got his a*s!

Yo, Day-Day. What's up?

I'm glad we got our rent money back, baby.

What are we gonna do with that fool?

I don't know. Po-pos will get his dumb a*s sooner or later.

h* h* h*, m*therf*cker!

There you have it.

Another Friday gone. another problem solved.

Wejust took oun stuff back to the panty and left Santa Claus on the roof for the police to get.

Fan as I know. he's still up thene talking sh*t.

Pimp down! Pimp missing in action!

And Money Mike. you know. he's still getting chased by Damon all through the 'hood.

There's a loud party upstairs that's keeping me up.

Could you please send a unit?

Miss Peanly kept on hating on us.

We didn't even cane. We kept on partying.

My uncle got drunk and eventually passed out.

And look at Pops--

You know. he showed his a*s till the po-pos came.

Open the door! Let's do this! Put down the b-b-b-b-barbecue.

But all they wanted was some mone weed.

So we looked them up. and I even kept Day-Day's dumb a*s occupied.

And a German shepherd mix!

That's till my moms walked in on him.

And me. you know how a player do.

I convinced Donna to bring her fine a*s back to the panty. got her in my room. slid the dresser in fnont of the door. and got myself an early Christmas present.

You know!

I'll beat-box your a*s!