02x23 - Home

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Opening Credits

[SCENE – Cory & Eric’s room. Eric is at his desk, Cory stands in front of the bathroom door]

Cory: (Bangs on door) Come on, Shawn, you’ve lived here 3 weeks and you’ve been in the bathroom two and a half of ‘em.

Eric: Hey, would you shut up? I’m trying to study here. (Cory gives him a look) Well, I am.

Cory: Well I’m trying to take a shower, here. (Eric gives him a look) Well, I am.

Shawn: (Pops out from bathroom with shaving cream across his lip and cheeks, and between his eyebrows) Almost done, just doing my burns.

Cory: Whoa. You shave?

Shawn: See, facial hair sprouts early in my family, especially on my mom’s side. (Goes back into bathroom)

Eric: (To self, studying from book) Okay… Nihilism is to optimism as gluttony is to… Butte, Montana. (Looks in book) Wrong?! Oh, no. Mind lock! (Stands) Three days before SATs and I’m never gonna get into… you know, that place with the… It’s got the…

Cory: College?

Eric: College! (Moves behind desk, searching its top) College, I gotta write that down. Where’s my pencil? Where’s my lucky pencil!? (Moves from desk to the couch, moving pillows around)

Cory: Hey, (picks up pencil from desk) is this it?

Eric: (Snatches it) Oh, thank you! Pencie, you’ve come back to me! (Sits, Shawn comes out of the bathroom in a robe, cleaning his ears) Hey, Hunter, what the heck do you think you’re doing? (Stands threateningly)

Shawn: Uh, cleaning out my ears?

Eric: Yeah, with Towlie? (Snatches towel) My lucky towel? Are you insane?

Shawn: (Looks to Cory incredulously, then back to Eric) One of us is.

Eric: (Puts hand on Shawn’s shoulder) All right, look, Hunter. If you’re gonna live here, there’s a few rules you’re gonna have to follow.

Cory: (Playing mediator, puts arms around both their shoulders) Guys, guys, guys! Happy faces, huh? We can live together. It’s only temporary. And all things considered, I think we’re doing pretty darn well huh?

Eric: (Breaks away angrily) Yeah. I think I’ll get a little peace and quiet in here, huh? (Walks towards the bathroom) Jeez. (Grabs notebooks and goes into the bathroom. Off screen, falls and yells. Notebooks fly into the back wall)

Shawn: Think he just found Slippy, his lucky soap.

[SCENE – Matthew’s kitchen. Morgan is eating a big bowl of ice cream.

Alan: (Enters from upstairs) Morgan, ice cream is not breakfast. (Amy enters with two shopping bags and places them on a chair)

Morgan: Shawn says his family has sundaes for breakfast all the time.

Alan: Oh really, you hear that, Amy? Nutritional tips from the Hunter family.

Amy: Oh, Alan, Shawn is just so… (Stops herself) Morgan, wouldn’t you just love to go watch TV right now?

Morgan: No.

Alan: For a buck?

Morgan: Deal. (Alan hands her a dollar)

Alan: All right, go on. Get out of here. (Morgan exits) You know, Amy, I like Shawn, I really do, but these past three weeks have not been the easiest. Not on our nerves or our budget.

Amy: Well, it isn’t Shawn’s fault.

Alan: I don’t blame him. I blame Chet! What kind of father abandons his son like that? All this time, no phone call, no card, nothing!

Amy: I know. I’m just glad that Shawn has Cory and Eric to make things easier for him.

Shawn: (Enters from upstairs, yelling back) Well, pardon me, Eric, for breathing your lucky air!

Amy: Morning, Shawn, would you like some breakfast?

Shawn: (Grabs milk carton from the fridge) No thanks, I’ll help myself. (Drinks directly from carton as Amy and Alan watch with dismay. Shawn notices and stops.) Yeah, Dad has this saying: (Impersonating Chet) “A cup? Who are you trying to impress?”

Amy: (Grabs marker from drawer) Well, then, we’ll just make that your carton. (Writes and S on the carton, then places it in the fridge which is filled with S-labeled items) Oh, by the way, I bought you some pants. (Closes fridge and moves to bags)

Alan: You bought him clothes?

Amy: Well, Alan, he can’t just wear the came thing every day.

Alan: I do. (Amy flashed him a dirty look)

Amy: (To Shawn) You know those jeans with all the holes in them?

Shawn: You didn’t chuck ‘em, did you?

Amy: Oh, no, of course not! No, I patched them. (Takes pants from the bag. They have patches all over them and a hideous purple S on the back pocket. Shawn takes the pants and studies them while gasping) And to go with them… (Takes a bright yellow hoody sweatshirt from the bag.)

Shawn: This is for me?

Amy: Yeah! What do you think?

Shawn: (Faking happiness) Wow! It’s really… yellow.

Cory: (Enters wearing the same yellow sweatshirt) Cool, we’ve got the same shirt. (Shawn looks to Amy and Alan and feigns a smile)

[SCENE – John Adam’s High hallway. Kat Tompkins approaches Turner]

Kat: Johnny. (Kisses his cheek)

Turner: Oh, hi.

Kat: Sorry I took off so early this morning.

Turner: Oh, that’s okay. (Shows her a brown bag) (Uncomfortably) Look, you, uh, left this at my place last night)

Kat: (Looks in bag) I know, silly.

Turner: (Grabs her hands) (Still uncomfortable) Leave it in the bag, please.

Kat: Why? I’ve got others. You can keep this at your place. (Hands bag to him)

Turner: (Hands it back) I wouldn’t know where to put it.

Kat: You don’t have to get scared every time I leave something at your place. (Hands it back)

Turner: I am not scared. I’d be scared it I started wearing it.

Feeny: (approaches) Katherine. Jonathan. (Sees bag) Are you brown-bagging it? I thought we were having lunch.

Kat: Actually, George, it’s mine.

Turner: Yeah. And not exactly lunch.

Feeny: Then what is it? (Kat and Turner look at him, he then realizes) Ah. I’m thinking a change of subject is in order.

Kat: (To both) Enjoy your lunch. (Walks away)

[Cut to Shawn drinking from a water fountain. His yellow sweatshirt has had its hood and sleeves removes and he is wearing it like a vest. Cory enters from behind him, sweatshirt still intact.]

Cory: Shawn, is that the new shirt my mom gave you?

Shawn: (Admiringly) Yeah, looks all right now, huh? (Walks and Cory follows)

Cory: Do you know what she’s gonna do when she sees that?

Shawn: My guess is clean it, sew it back together, and put an S on it.

Cory: Look, she’s just trying to be nice to you.

Shawn: And I’m just trying to get through this thing without making any waves. (Walks away, past Turner. Cory slowly walks to Turner)

Turner: Matthews, how’s it working out with Hunter?

Cory: Terrific. Great. I mean, we’re best friends.

Turner: Listen, if anything comes up, the offer stands. You call me at home any time you need to. Okay? (Cory exits)

Feeny: (to Turner) Giving your home number to students?

Turner: (turns to Feeny) Come on, George. Hunter’s going through a tough time and I’m his teacher.

Feeny: Yes, you’re his teach and only his teacher. You’d do well to remember that.

Turner: Hold on. You’re always getting involved with the Matthews kids.

(Eric is walking by in the background, reading an SAT book. He’s about to walk into an open locker door)

Feeny: Eric, locker!

(Eric ducks, avoiding the locker. He then gives Feeny the thumbs up and a smile and proceeds forward)

Feeny: (to Turner) And unfortunate consequence of living next door.

(Eric, still reading, then walks into a locker, then turns and continues)

[SCENE – Matthew’s kitchen. Eric is pacing as Jason works feverishly in some open books on the table]

Eric: Come on, come on, come on. How long does it take to score a practice SAT exam?

Jason: (Still writing) All right, all right, all right, here it comes. Your score is… 190.

Eric: What? Oh, come on, that’s impossible. You get 200 points just for signing your name. (Jason shows him the book) Two T’s in Matthews! Stupid, stupid! (Goes back to pacing)

Jason: Eric, get some sleep. You’ve been up for days, your scores keep falling. At this rate, you couldn’t get into Clown College.

Eric: Is that a four-year school?

Jason: (Stands) Your brain needs a break.

Eric: No, no, no, no. Brain doesn’t need break. Brain needs oxygen. See, there’s just not enough oxygen in here. But there’s some outside, though. (Grabs Jason’s wrist and runs outside) (Sighs) Oxygen. Good ol’ H20. I feel smarter already. (Turns to Jason) Do I look smarter?

Jason: (At a loss for words) Has your house been tested for radon?

Eric: Not another test!

Jason: (Still can’t find words) I’m going home. (Walks away)

Eric: Well, fine. That’s more air for me.

Feeny: (Enters with a bag of woodchips and some gardening gloves) So, Mr. Matthews. SATs this Saturday, hm?

Eric: (Walks to fence) Yeah, me too.

Feeny: (Puts down bag) You know, all students feel anxiety going into their college boards. But there’s no way around it, they’re very important.

Eric: Mr. Feeny, I’m not ready.

Feeny: Eric, I once promised that I would never reveal this to any student, but there are three secrets to scoring well on the SAT. Secrets that would unravel the entire college screening process as we know it.

Eric: (Hugs Feeny) Tell me!

Feeny: Perhaps I well, for a price.

Eric: (Lets him go) Mr. Feeny, you sly dog. (Takes out his wallet)

Feeny: No, no, no, no. I’m doing a little landscaping around my house. Laying down sod, planting a tree or… nine. If you would help me…

Eric: You’d tell me what the secrets were?

Feeny: (Puts finger to mouth) Shh.

Eric: Oh, shh. (They shake hands)

[SCENE – Cory & Eric’s bedroom at night. Cory is laying is bed, and Shawn sits at the window, staring out it at a barking dog]

Cory: (Stirring) What’s with that dog? (Sits up) Shawn?

Shawn: It’s a very cool dog. I see it down by the corner. No leash, no collar… just having a great time barking at the moon.

Cory: (Rubbing his eyes, walking towards Shawn) No, wait. I know that dog. It’s a stray. It’s probably barking ‘cause he doesn’t have a home.

Shawn: He doesn’t need a home.

Cory: That’s what he’s saying: “I need a (howling) ho-ooooooooome!”

Shawn: No, you didn’t hear him right. He’s happy out there because he’s free. No one’s rubbing his nose in a carpet and saying, “Don’t do that!”

Cory: You know, he looks lonely to me. And cold. And he looks like he doesn’t have a friend in the world.

Shawn: He’s got one now. (Opens window)

Cory: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing?

Shawn: I got to get out.

Cory: You can’t go out. It’s a school night. We have a 9:00 curfew.

Shawn: I don’t do curfews, I don’t do bedtimes, and if I want to clip my toenails at the dinner table, I don’t appreciate all the dirty looks.

Cory: We were just covering our food. (Shawn grabs his coat and starts out the window) All right, look, Shawn, my parents make the rules around here, okay? If you can’t just–

Shawn: (Interrupting) I didn’t ask to live here, man, and I don’t need to ask your permission to leave.

Cory: Well, what do you think I’m supposed to tell my parents?

Shawn: (Dog barking in background) Tell them I took myself out for a walk. (Exits out window)

[SCENE – Turner’s apartment. Him and Kat at sitting on the couch, looking at each other, legs intertwined.]

Turner: You know, I could look into your eyes forever.

Kat: Does that mean you want to marry me?

Turner: Wait, you got that from that?

Kat: Well, what does it mean, then?

Turner: Nice eyes.

Kat: Jonathan, we’ve been together now for four months, and I need to know. Do you love me?

Turner: Okay. Uh, if by that do you mean am I always happy to see you? Do I enjoy being with you? Do we always have fun together? Then, yes, love.

Kat: Jonathan.

Turner: Yeah?

Kat: (Grabs his face) Listen to me. You are a good, gentle man. And I could spent the rest of my life with you and have children with you and know they will always be taken care of. When you hold me, I feel safe. (Takes his hand) Now, if you can’t say the same thing to me with the same feeling, then don’t let me give any more of my heart to you. (Puts his hands on her face) Go.

Turner: Kat, I… I… I… Just… (Takes his hands off of her) You take a compliment worse than any woman I’ve ever met! (Stands and paces)

Kat: Jonathan, you’re the same age as I am. Don’t you feel like you need a commitment in your life?

Turner: Yes, I do.

Kat: Well, then, what are you waiting for?

(Knock on the door, Turner answers it. It’s Shawn.)

Turner: Hunter, look, this really isn’t a good time.

Shawn: You’re telling me. (A police office comes around Shawn into view) He’s a cop.

[SCENE – Turner’s apartment, continued from earlier]

Cop: You Jonathan Turner? (Turner nods) You know this kid?

Turner: Yeah, Shawn Hunter. I’m his teacher at John Adams High. (Shawn steps in) Officer, you wanna tell me what this is all about?

Cop: We spotted your friend here loitering outside the high school with some older kids. They had about 20 of these (Holds up spray paint can).

Turner: Spray paint?

Cop: (Looking at Shawn) Looks like they were planning to do some redecorating.

Shawn: No, no no. (To Turner) We were just gonna sell them to some bad kids. (Turner gives him a look) And overcharge them. Serves them right.

Cop: (To Turner) This one takes off an alley. We caught up with him outside your place. Says he’s staying with you. (Shawn looks at Turner, who turns and looks at Kat)

Turner: Yeah, yeah, he’s staying with me. His folks are out of town.

Shawn: Got called out of town to save a baby girl in East Virginia who fell down a blowhole, (Turns to cop) just like I told you.

Turner: Look, officer, I’m sorry. I thought he was in his room.

Cop: If you wanna do your friend a favor, keep him in the house. (Tips cap to Kat) Corry to bother you, Mrs. Turner. (Exits)

Shawn: Mrs. Turner? (Walks to Kat with hands extended) Hey, congratulations.

Kat: (Stands) No, Shawn, it’s still Miss Tompkins. (Walks towards to and grabs coat. Stops at Turner)

Turner: Good night, Kat.

Kat: Good luck, Jonathan. (Kisses his cheek and exits)

Turner: (Shawn makes for door, Turner stops him) Stay!

Shawn: Well, how come she got to go?

Turner: Because I got more to say to you. A little girl who fell down a blowhole? Wow.

Shawn: Yeah, thanks for covering for me. Cory’s folks would’ve freaked if I showed up with that cop.

Turner: (Yelling) Oh, like this?! Would they have yelled at you like this?!

Shawn: (Thinks he joking) Yeah, that’s pretty good.

Turner: Would they have told you how stupid you are for being out so late?!

Shawn: (Pause) Okay, I get your point.

Turner: No, I don’t think you do!

Shawn: (Defensive) Fine, then I’ll just get out of your way. I thought you were cooler than that. (Makes towards door, but Turner stops him.)

Turner: No, no, I’m not cool at all. In fact, I get real old-fashioned when I see somebody that I care about being brought home by cops!

Shawn: Mr. Turner, do you have to yell? I’ve had a really rotten night.

Turner: Oh, do you see me ballroom-dancing here?

Shawn: Look, is this gonna take all night? ‘Cause I got places to be, man.

Turner: Hunter! You keep heading down this life track you’re on, then the places you’re going aren’t any places you’re gonna wanna be, man.

Shawn: Look, I’m sorry I messed up your night.

Turner: Ah… I already messed it up before you got here. (Sits)

Shawn: Yeah, women. (Sits)

Turner: What do you know about women?

Shawn: What do you wanna know?

Turner: Oh, you think you can help me out, Hunter?

Shawn: Hey, you helped me.

Turner: Now see, why can’t you be this sharp in my class?

Shawn: Math’s not my best subject.

Turner: I’m your English teacher.

Shawn: Then why are you teaching math?

Turner: (Incredulously) Are you kidding me?

[SCENE – Matthew’s kitchen. Alan and Amy are standing at the bottom of the stairs, calling their sons and Shawn]

Alan: Guys, breakfast.

(Cory enters)

Amy: Hey, Cor, where’s Shawn?

Cory: I’m sorry, who?

Alan: Oh, Shawn, your best bud, the guy you’re sharing your room with.

Cory: Oh, Shawn! Yeah, he took off real early. (Walks to table)

Amy: Like 9:00 last night?

Cory: Well, I wasn’t looking at my watch, but do you two just know everything all the time?

Alan: No, but right now I do know that Shawn is our responsibility.

Cory: But dad, Shawn needs space. He’s like a wild dog doing wild-dog things. (His parents look at him funny) You had to be there.

(Turner knocks on the door and then enters with Shawn)

Alan: Jonathan, thank you for the phone call. (Looks to Cory) Let us know what’s going on in our own house.

Cory: (Walks over to Shawn, whispering) Hey, where were you last night?

Shawn: (whispering) I was at Turner’s. Would you relax?

Amy: Cory and Shawn, upstairs now! (The boys go upstairs)

Alan: First Shawn sneaks out, not Cory’s lying to us. When I told Chet I’d take Shawn in, I didn’t mean forever.

Turner: When’s the last time anybody heard from him?

Alan: When he backed out the driveway, hit out trash can and says, “It’s okay, I’m all right.”

Eric: (Enters out of breath and covered in dirt) Hey, Dad, where do we keep our Weed Whacker?

Alan: Wait, wait, wait. Feeny’s got you whacking weeds now?

Amy: He’s helping Eric prepare for the college boards.

Eric: No, it’s all right, Dad. I got Feeny right where I want him. He promised to tell me three secrets to SAT success. (Holds up 3 fingers)

Feeny: (In the background in his yard, walks by and takes notice of Eric in the Matthew’s kitchen) Eric, I can see the weeds growing before my eyes! And you still have the hedges to trim!

Eric: Right in the palm of my hand. (Exits)

Turner: You know, it’s not that Shawn is actually a bad kid, you know. (Phone rings)

Alan: Machine will get it, go on.

Turner: I know how easy it is to act up when your family just isn’t there for you.

Chet: (On answering machine) Amy, Alan? Chet Hunter here. Was that the beep or is this thing tapped?

Amy: (At machine) Wait, wait, Chet, wait. (Hits a button) Hi. It’s Amy.

Chet: (Over machine) Oh, hey. You sound out of breath there, dear. Did I interrupt something?

Alan: Listen, Chet, where are you? It’s been three weeks.

[Cut to Chet at a pay phone in a restaurant next to a highway]

Chet: Well, if the license tags are any indication, I’m either leaving Ohio or coming into Georgia.

[Cut back to the Matthews]

Alan: Well, that doesn’t sound anywhere near Philadelphia.

[Cut to Chet]

Chet: No, it’s a… (Distracted by car horn on highway) Ew, road k*ll, porcupine. How’d he not see that coming?

[Cut to Matthews]

Amy: Chet, have you found your wife yet?

[Cut to Chet]

Chet: Nope, but I found the motor home, though. Seems like my Virna traded in on a ’92 Miata. Nice car, but I don’t think three people can live in it.

[Cut to Matthews]

Alan: Listen, Chet, don’t you think it’s time you came back here? Took come responsibility for your son?

[Cut to Chet]

Chet: Well, I wish I could. But unfortunately, I don’t think I’m gonna be too much good to anybody till I find my Virna and win her back. (A waitress approaches, showing Chet a check) Oh, Thought I left it on the table. (Hands her money, then watches evilly as she walks away)

Alan: (Over phone) Chet…

[Cut to Matthews]

Alan: (Line continued) Shawn is having a very hard time. And besides, we’ve got three kids of our own. (Getting angry) I…

Amy: (Stopping Alan) Alan, we’ll manage.

Alan: (Calmer, paced) I don’t think it’s fair to Shawn or to us to live with this kind of open-ended commitment.

Chet: (Over machine) Look, Al, the boy needs somebody, okay? Now, don’t hang me up here.

Alan: If you’re not coming back right now, then you be the one to tell your son.

[Cut to Chet]

Chet: Oh, I just did.

[Cut to Matthews]

Alan: Huh?

Chet: (Over machine) Well, if I know my boy, even money, when adults are talking about him, he’s probably somewhere behind ‘em, listening. (Amy, Alan, and Turner look to the stairs, where Shawn is standing) Hi, there, big guy.

Shawn: None of you want me. Well that’s fine! I don’t need any of you! I never needed anybody! (Runs upstairs angrily, Amy & Alan chase after him)

Amy: Shawn, it’s not that we don’t want you.

Alan: Shawn. (Goes upstairs with Amy, Turner starts to the stairs, stops, then goes outside.

Amy: (from off screen) Come on, Shawn!

[Cut to upstairs, Amy & Alan stand outside a closed door]

Alan: Shawn, unlock the door. We know you’re in there! (Amy jiggles the doorknob.)

[Cut to the Matthew’s backyard. Turner is waiting at the foot of the porch]

Alan: (from off screen) Shawn! (A bag drops on the porch in from of Turner. Shawn follows it)

Turner: Fall down a blowhole, did you?

Shawn: (Hikes bag on his back then begins to walk away) I’m not in class. I don’t have to listen to you.

Turner: Where are you gonna run now?

Shawn: (Annoyed, turns around) What do you care?

Turner: I was beginning to think I didn’t care about anything.

Shawn: Yeah, fine, whatever. I gotta go. (Walks away hastily)

Turner: Yeah, I know. I’ve been there. (Shawn stops, agitated) Someone reaches out to you and says they care about you, it’s easy to run.

Shawn: (Turns to face Turner) Look, I’m sure you got a lot of big emotional problems to work through, here, but I just need to find a place to sleep, okay?

Turner: I’ll do you one better. How about I give you a home?

Shawn: What, your place?

Turner: Yeah, my

place.Shawn: For how long? Three weeks and then you get sick of me?

Turner: Oh, I’m sick of you now, Hunter, but I’m still making the offer.

Shawn: Why?

Turner: ‘Cause I’m thinking I should do something for somebody else. I think I need that.

Shawn: You’re not gonna tell me what to do.

Turner: Somebody’s gotta.

Shawn: You’re not my dad!

Turner: I’m not trying to be! Look, I’m just offering you a roof and a window to crawl out of. Although it is five stories up.

Shawn: I like a challenge.

Turner: So do I. (Holds out a hand, Shawn high fives it and holds)

Cory: (Falls not-so-gracefully onto the porch) Oh, gosh! (Holds knee in pain, then gives thumbs up. Stands up and limps forward)

Turner: Look, I’m gonna go square things with your dad. ‘Cause that is what the responsible adult-type would do. (Exits into kitchen)

Cory: So you’re moving in with Turner, huh?

Shawn: You were listening?

Cory: Well, I was snagged up there for a while. I had to wait till a squirrel lost interest.

Shawn: Yeah. You know, Cory, your folks are great and all, but this seems right.

Cory: Yeah, I think so. But you know that this means, don’t you? I mean, you’re not a stray anymore.

Shawn: Yeah. So, uh, what’s it like to be a housebroken dog? (Sits)

Cory: It’s not so bad. (Sits) I mean, you get your meals regular, you get your own chew toy, and if you bring in the paper, they are so thrilled.

Shawn: What if I hate it?

Cory: I’ll have my mom and dad put in a doggy door for ya.

Shawn: Just leave the window open.

Cory: You got it. (They pound fists)

[Tag – Feeny’s backyard. Eric is gardening miserably while Feeny sips tea from his door]

Eric: (Looks to Feeny, who gives him a thumbs up. He returns it sarcastically, then get up and approaches Feeny.) All right, Mr. Feeny. (Wipes of hands) I have been planting and hedging and mowing for three days now. The SATs are tomorrow, and I demand to know the three secrets.

Feeny: Get a good night’s sleep.

Eric: What? No, no, no, no. No way, not until you tell me what the three secrets are.

Feeny: I just told you one, Eric. Sleep.

Eric: Sleep? I can’t sleep. The test is tomorrow and I haven’t thought about it in days!

Feeny: Which is secret number two – Clear your mind. Care to take a guess at what secret number three is?

Eric: You’re Satan? (Wipes hands some more) How could you do this to me, Mr. Feeny?

Feeny: (Opens door and walks outside) Eric, do you know what SAT means?

Eric: (Thinks) Sat?

Feeny: Scholastic Aptitude Test. It measures what’s up here. (Points to his head) Your natural ability to learn. So clear your mind (counts off one finger), get come sleep (counts off another), and trust yourself. (Counts off third finger then shows them to Eric proudly)

Eric: Thos are the three secrets? (Feeny nods) Thank you, Mr. Feeny, I feel better already. (Hops fence)

Feeny: Whoa, where are you going? There’s still the matter of pruning my azaleas.

Eric: the azaleas, of course! I’ll take care of that now. (Feeny holds out a tool, Eric retracts his hand) Psych! See, you already told me what the three secrets were. Thanks Mr. Feeny. (Turns to door)

Feeny: Did I say three? (Eric turns and looks at him pitifully) Psych!