[Shawn and Cory are standing in the hallway outside Mr Feeny's classroom; Shawn is holding open the school newspaper and he and Cory are reading it]
CORY: Haha, my column! [points to a section of the paper looking chuffed]
SHAWN: [reads] 'Is It Just Me?'
CORY: BY??
SHAWN: Cory Matthews [looks at Cory] Do I have to?
CORY: [grins] Enjoy!
SHAWN: [reading nonchalantly] 'Is it just me, or does paste just not taste as good as it used to?' [casts a sidelong glance at Cory who is too busy laughing at his own jokes to notice] 'Is it just me or is Homer Simpson getting a little too old to be on the show?'
CORY: Isn't that so true?!
SHAWN: Look, Cory, [starts walking to his locker; Cory follows] I know you really believe in your little humour column, but don't you think you should be writing something a little more important, like... the girls' swim team and why they don't wear high heels.
[Cory nods as though considering the idea; Topanga and her friend Debbie enter and approach their lockers]
TOPANGA: [to Debbie] He gave you --? That's really expensive!
DEBBIE: Yeah I know, it was great! We were talking and laughing and having such a great time, and then...
TOPANGA: At the end of the night...
DEBBIE: Parked two blocks from my house...
TOPANGA: Octopus time.
[A guy walks up to Debbie]
GUY: Hey! Great time the other night!
[The guy walks off; Debbie rolls her eyes and looks at Topanga]
DEBBIE: All over me. I mean, what happened to the nice guy I had dinner with? It's like, the night's almost over so he's all over me? [sighs] Why are guys such jerks on dates?
TOPANGA: Well not all guys, Debbie.
[Cory and Shawn have been eavesdropping]
CORY: [chuffed] 'Not all guys, Debbie'!
SHAWN: Is it just me, or should you not be proud of that?
CORY: Oh.
DEBBIE: [to Topanga] After a night of fighting him off, it's like, I don't know whether I want to go out on dates anymore, you know? I'd rather spend my time in the library. It's that pathetic...
TOPANGA: It's too bad guys and girls have such a different idea about what a date is supposed to be.
DEBBIE: Yeah. What goes on in their heads?
TOPANGA: [glances behind at Cory and Shawn then looks back to Debbie] Wanna find out? There's two of 'em.
DEBBIE: [to Cory and Shawn] Hey, what goes on in your heads?
CORY: Topanga. [taps his head] Twenty-four hours a day it's the Topanga Channel in here.
TOPANGA: Aw, who's a good boy! [pops a sweet in Cory's mouth; Cory chews on it happily]
SHAWN: Debbie, don't you think that, uh, guys and girls are looking for the same things on dates?
DEBBIE: Well... girls are looking for an evening of good conversation... and, you know, the sense that you've made a genuine connection with another human being.
SHAWN: You're not interested in making out?
DEBBIE: Well maybe I am and maybe I'm not, but it shouldn't be expected because I went on a date with you.
SHAWN: So how're we supposed to know what's ok?
DEBBIE: We'll let you know.
SHAWN: You don't let us know very clearly...
DEBBIE: Yes we do! You just don't listen. You're too busy planning your next moves to hear us say no.
SHAWN: [not listening] ...What?
[Debbie rolls her eyes]
CORY: [to Topanga] You see, this is why I write my fun column - to take us away from the drudgery of interesting conversation.
TOPANGA: Yeah, but you should be writing about something that affects people.
DEBBIE: Yeah, why don't you write your column about why guys are such big jerks on dates?
SHAWN: Debbie, if you really feel that all guys want to do is to go too far then why go out with them at all?
DEBBIE: [thinks] You're right - I'm done! [walks off]
TOPANGA: Way to be sensitive, Shawn. [walks off]
SHAWN: Yeah, yeah, it really pays to be honest with a girl. [shoves the newspaper at Cory and walks off]
CORY: [stands awkwardly on his own] Is it just me... or is it just me?
---
[Mr Feeny's classroom; Cory, Shawn, Topanga and Debbie are seated amongst the other students; Mr Feeny is stood at the front writing on the blackboard]
MR FEENY: [to the class] To research his book, 'Black Like Me', author John Griffin - a white man - had his skin pigment temporarily darkened so that he could experience life through the perspective of a black man.
CORY: Wouldn't it have been easier to just... ask?
MR FEENY: Well, there was such distrust between the races that Griffin felt that only by becoming black could he begin to understand the horrors of segregation.
SHAWN: [leans forward] Cory, that's your next story!
CORY: What?
SHAWN: To understand what girls are talking about, you experience the world from a girl's point of view... [grins] ...by becoming a girl!
CORY: [frowns] That's crazy talk!
SHAWN: No no no no - you dress up like a girl and write about it. 'Chick Like Me'!
[Cory looks thoughtful]
SHAWN: That's meaningful, you know? You're writing a real article, not just some... [quietly] silly column-
CORY: It is NOT a silly column!
MR FEENY: Yes it is.
CORY: Ok, Mr Feeny, what happened to this guy Griffin after he wrote his book?
MR FEENY: Well, he sold five million copies and won immediate world renown. Why do you ask, Mr Matthews?
CORY: Miss Matthews.
MR FEENY: ...What?
CORY: [shrugs shiftily] Nothing!
---
[Matthews' Wilderness Outpost. Eric and a gorgeous woman in dungarees (Loni) are the only people working there; Loni is standing by a tent talking to a man - presumably trying to sell him the tent]
LONI: [to the man] ...When you get to the top of the mountain and that wind starts to blowin', you'll be real glad you got this over your head.
MAN: [smiling flirtatiously] I'll remember you sold it to me, too.
LONI: Well I hope you do, that way you can remember me for all your future wilderness needs!
MAN: Listen, I imagine you probably get this a lot... but you seem awfully nice. You wanna go get a cup of coffee sometime?
LONI: Well you seem mighty nice too! But... well, I'm not much of a coffee drinker.
MAN: Oh! That's ok.
LONI: But we can do something else!
MAN: [hopefully] Anything! That would be great.
LONI: Why don't you come over to my place and I'll cook you a big ol' dinner? How about tonight?
MAN: Really? That would be - wow! I-
LONI: Aw great! [gives him a playful thump on the arm] And after dinner - that's when the real fun starts.
MAN: I'm always up for a little fun.
LONI: Good, because we'll rub oil all over our bodies...
MAN: I like that.
LONI: Go jumpin' in a cold river...
MAN: ...What?
LONI: And go eel grabbin'!
MAN: What?
LONI: It's fun! Great fun - and for the eels too! Well, unless their heads break off.
[Loni gives him a playful punch on the arm; the man suddenly looks less enthusiastic as he rubs his arm where she hit him]
LONI: So what time tonight?
MAN: Uh... tonight? [backing away anxiously] Tonight's really not good for me. I've got another appointment which doesn't actually involve eels...
LONI: Oh c'mon, Dave, where's your sense of adventure??
MAN: Y'know... I'll just take the tent.
LONI: Oh! [gives him another playful punch on the arm]
MAN: In fact, you keep the tent and what I'm gonna do is... leave.
[The man runs out of the store cradling his arm]
LONI: [calling out after him] W-wait! I was just tryin' to be... friendly. [her face falls; Eric looks on sympathetically - he's been watching the whole thing from behind the counter]
LONI: Eric, is there something wrong with me?
[Eric stares at her]
LONI: Is there something the matter with me?
ERIC: [still staring] I'm looking!
LONI: No, I mean... why am I always scarin' boys off?
ERIC: Well, Loni, you don't have a lot of social experience with men, do you?
LONI: No, not city men...
ERIC: Didn't you date any guys back there in the mountains?
LONI: Oh sure, we'd go out in the woods and sh**t things.
ERIC: So you like hunting?
[Loni nods]
ERIC: All right, well here's a question for you. [walks around the counter and stands in front of her] When you see a cute little fuzzy animal that you like, that you know, you like to sh**t... do you go, like, running up to it and [waving his arms around] yelling and waving your r*fle in the air?
LONI: [smiling] Well, no!
ERIC: And why not?
LONI: 'Cause it would scare the little critter off!
[Eric looks at her pointedly]
LONI: [catching on] Ohh! Oh so you're sayin' my behaviour is scarin' the city men?
ERIC: Just a smidge.
LONI: [thoughtfully] I have to learn how to hunt and track these boys.
ERIC: [nodding] Mm hmm.
LONI: Well, [looking slyly at Eric] I'm gonna need a city man to practice on.
[Eric grins, giggling and flailing like a little girl]
---
[The Matthews' kitchen. Alan is sitting at the table; Amy is preparing dinner; Cory and Shawn enter through the back door carrying shopping bags and looking shifty, they run towards the stairs]
AMY: Hey.
ALAN: Hey, son, how was your day?
CORY: Fine.
ALAN: What did you do at school?
CORY: Nothing.
ALAN: [standing up] Hey, hold on! Wait there!
[Cory and Shawn stand still at the bottom of the stairs and turn slowly]
ALAN: You know, every day I ask you 'What did you do?' and every day you tell me 'Nothing'. Well, I'm tired of 'Nothing'! I mean, we both know something happened today and I wanna know what 'it' is!
CORY: [pauses] I decided to be a girl.
ALAN: [looks at Amy then back at them, then sits back down at the table] Well you've taught me a very valuable lesson there, son.
[Cory and Shawn backtrack and explain]
SHAWN: [to Amy] You know the book 'Black Like Me'?
AMY: Sure, is that what you guys are reading at school?
ALAN: [to Amy] Don't ask questions, Honey.
SHAWN: Cory's gonna write 'Chick Like Me' for the school newspaper - he's going to experience life from a girl's point of view by dressing up like a girl.
[Cory holds a small red dress up to himself, grinning and looking around for opinions]
ALAN: Nope, don't want you to!
AMY: [to Alan] Aw, come on, I think it would be a wonderful learning experience that could serve him well for the rest of his life!
[Cory holds a large black flowery dress up to himself; Amy looks in one of the shopping bags and pulls out a silky black bra]
CORY: It's a miracle bra!
ALAN: [blandly to Amy] A miracle bra, honey. Get the camera.
CORY: [to Alan defensively] I'm not dressing up like a girl just for the sake of dressing up like a girl! I'm a journalist, dagnabit.
[Topanga knocks on the back door and enters]
TOPANGA: Hi. [apologetically] Hey, Shawn, I might have been a bit protective of Debbie this morning and I didn't fully consider your point of view.
SHAWN: [chuffed] I never knew I had a point of view!
[Topanga rolls her eyes; Cory is still holding the black dress against himself]
CORY: Y'know what, Topanga, everything's worked out for the best because I've decided [smoothes out the dress] to be a girl and see what it's really like!
TOPANGA: [wrinkles her nose] Not in that dress you're not.
CORY: Well... that's why I was counting on your expert assistance to help in selecting the proper female accoutrements.
TOPANGA: You want me to dress you up like a girl?
CORY: Yes, Topanga. [adopts childish voice] Make Cory pretty!
TOPANGA: [thinks for a moment] Cool!
---
[Cory's bedroom; Shawn and Topanga are leaning against the walls waiting; the bathroom door is shut - Cory is inside; discarded clothes lay scattered on Cory's bed]
TOPANGA: Cory? Sweetie? You have to come out eventually.
CORY: [gruffly from behind the closed door] Don't wanna. Second thoughts.
TOPANGA: [kindly] Come on out! We won't laugh.
CORY: You're not seeing what I'm seeing!
[Topanga looks to Shawn for help]
SHAWN: Hey, Cor. [knocks on the bathroom door] Come on, buddy. You're gonna write an article that means something! You're going to make a difference not only in our lives, but in the lives of guys and girls everywhere.
CORY: You're not seeing what I'm seeing!
SHAWN: C'mon, Cor. How bad of a girl could you be?
[The bathroom door opens and Cory steps out, embarrassed, in a figureless brown dress, brown tights, bright white high heels, and a wig with hair longer on one side than the other; his lips are three times their normal size due to exaggerated lipstick appliance; Shawn and Topanga look mildly dismayed]
CORY: I knew it! I look... I look fat...
SHAWN: Fat is the least of your problems, babe.
CORY: Topanga?
TOPANGA: [reluctant to look at him] Maybe it's just not a good colour for you...
[Cory looks from Topanga to Shawn, then throws his arms in the air and turns to go back into the bathroom; Topanga and Shawn hold him back]
TOPANGA: You guys, we can do this! It's just all how you present yourself. Now Cory, let's see how you present yourself.
CORY: Ok... [takes a deep breath then bounces forwards with his arms swinging rhythmically like he's dancing at a 50's sock hop; he does this up and down his room, then stands back in between Shawn and Topanga, looking at them hopefully] Is that all right?
SHAWN: Not even on a desert island.
TOPANGA: [firmly] Constructive, Shawn.
SHAWN: Ok. Cor, you're missing the obvious. Girls just... glide more. They're more at ease. You've got to let it flow.
TOPANGA: [surprised] That's pretty right on the nose there, Shawn.
SHAWN: [grinning] Yeah well, girls are my area. I like girls.
CORY: [desperately] Ok then, show me, Shawn - show me!
SHAWN: Well it's just - here it is.
[Shawn glides smoothly up and down Cory's room and stands back next to Cory; Cory and Topanga look at each other]
SHAWN: What?
[Cory and Topanga look at Shawn slyly]
SHAWN: [catching on] Ohhh no. No! No! No!
---
[Hallway at John Adams High - a girl looking fascinatingly like Shawn peeks tentatively from round a corner then steps out into the corridor. Indeed, wearing a brown wig pulled back into a small ponytail, a tight black top, a red mini skirt, black tights, black knee-high boots and carefully applied make-up, Shawn makes his way nervously down the corridor to the stares of all the other students; Cory's walking with an arm around Shawn's shoulders looking very pleased with himself]
SHAWN: Why is everybody staring? What are they looking at?
CORY: [grinning] Well, Shawn, I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but... you're kind of a babe.
SHAWN: Really?
CORY: Yeah! [looks suddenly apprehensive] You want me to... carry your books for you?
SHAWN: I get that? Yeah! [hands Cory all his books] Thanks!
[Shawn and Cory make their way to their lockers, where Topanga's standing]
TOPANGA: [to Cory] Why are you carrying his books?
CORY: Well we're trying to create the illusion that Shawn's a girl, so... I thought this would help.
TOPANGA: You never carry my books.
CORY: Well look at him! [gazes fondly at Shawn, looking him up and down, and blushes, then turns quickly back to Topanga] And look at you! You are just radiant today.
TOPANGA: So, Shawn, how does it feel to be wearing pantyhose?
SHAWN: Not Shawn.
CORY: You're right.
TOPANGA: Yeah, he needs a girl's name.
CORY: Ok, this is easy. How about... Janet?
SHAWN: No no no no, not - not Janet.
CORY: What possible difference could it make??
TOPANGA: [reprimanding] Cory! [turns to Shawn] You've thought about this before, haven't you?
SHAWN: [pouts] A little.
TOPANGA: And what name have you thought about?
SHAWN: Well... [quietly] Veronica...
[Topanga nods in approval; Cory smiles nervously at Shawn then mouths 'Veronica?!' at Topanga looking scared; Shawn is looking at the ground with girlish innocence]
TOPANGA: [kindly] Veronica's a lovely name.
[Mr Feeny enters the hallway and walks towards his classroom with barely a glance at the trio]
MR FEENY: Good morning Miss Laurence, Mr Matthews, Mr Hunter...
[Mr Feeny pauses looking bemused, then turns slowly to look at Shawn and smiles benignly; Shawn looks like he's wishing for the ground to swallow him whole]
MR FEENY: [leaning towards Shawn conspiratorially] If there's anything you need to talk about, my door is always open. I'm not here to judge.
SHAWN: It's for an article we're writing, Mr Feeny.
MR FEENY: I am not here to judge... [walks away down the corridor]
CORY: [noticing some guys coming down the hall] Hey guys, target's approaching.
[The guy (Gary) who went out with Debbie the other night and spoke to her by the lockers the day before jogs towards them]
CORY: Ten yards... five yards...
GARY: [nods in greeting] Guys.
TOPANGA: Hey, Gary. Debbie said you two went out on Saturday.
GARY: Yeah, I had a nice time... [notices 'Veronica' standing next to Cory and is immediately entranced] Hi there! Um, I'm Gary.
CORY: [grinning] Gary! This is Veronica. [gestures to Shawn] Veronica... Wasboyski.
GARY: [smiling at Veronica] You know, I have never seen you before - are you new at school?
SHAWN: Yep! I'm... just a whole new person!
GARY: Listen, um... if you want, y'know, I'd be happy to uh, y'know, take you to Chubbies and tell you what teachers to avoid - that kind of stuff. Unless your boyfriend already did that.
CORY: [looking ecstatic] Oh no, Gary! This one is definitely available.
SHAWN: Cory! I can speak for myself.
CORY: Well then, you just do that! Veronica.
SHAWN: [looks at Gary, smiling] That'd be great.
TOPANGA: So, Saturday - is that good for both of you?
SHAWN: [through gritted teeth to Topanga] Saturday's my date night.
CORY: [through gritted teeth to Shawn] It still is.
SHAWN: [sighs and turns smiling back to Gary] Ok! Saturday. [through gritted teeth to Cory and Topanga] I'll give up a Saturday.
GARY: Well, [smiling flirtatiously] I'll see you then.
[Gary walks away dreamily and Shawn gives him a feminine wave goodbye; Cory faces Shawn looking very proud]
CORY: Shawnie! Way to go!
TOPANGA: You got a date!
[Shawn looks suddenly worried and wrings his hands together anxiously]
CORY: What?
SHAWN: I have nothing to wear!
---
[Matthews' Wilderness Outpost; Eric and Loni are the only ones in the store - presumably they're closing up for the night]
ERIC: All right, Loni. Now. Let's say we're at a club. Ok, and let's say that I'm Dave and I'm standing here at the bar [stands by the store counter] and you see me from across the room and you say to yourself...?
LONI: [boisterously] I want THAT one!
ERIC: [laughs] No no no no. Remember hunting. Remember the boy bunnies; you don't want to scare them away or there'll be nothing left to hunt.
LONI: Hell, that's no fun.
ERIC: No, it's not. So here's what you've got to do. You've got to approach me without being detected.
[Loni creeps sideways along the counter and then leans on it next to Eric]
ERIC: Now you stand next to me, but not close enough to make me realise that I'm your prey.
[Loni nods, not looking at Eric]
ERIC: Now turn to me.
[Loni turns and looks at Eric; Eric grins]
ERIC: Make eye contact.
[Loni holds his gaze]
ERIC: Smile.
[Loni grins eagerly]
ERIC: And say...?
LONI: I want THAT one! [taps Eric playfully on the nose]
ERIC: [takes a deep breath] I admire your single-mindedness, but no. What guys really likes is a compliment. You give us a great compliment - we're yours for the rest of your life.
LONI: [pauses for thought, then tentatively touches Eric's shirt collar] That is the nicest shirt!
[Eric nods approvingly]
LONI: I'd like to get one just like it for my brother, Buck. Who makes that?
ERIC: Some shirt guy.
LONI: Can I look? [reaches forward, grabbing Eric and trying to look down the back of his shirt] I can't seem to find the label...
[Eric's jaw slackens and he closes his eyes as Loni presses herself up against him to look for the label]
LONI: Is it someplace else?
ERIC: [faintly] I dunno but I wouldn't stop looking...
LONI: Oh! [suddenly checks herself and pulls away, facing Eric] You know what I'm doin'?
ERIC: [dreamily] Just what God intended?
LONI: No, I'm bein' too friendly again and you were just about to tell me that, weren't you?
ERIC: ...Yeah, I was gonna get to that eventually.
LONI: [sighs] Y'know, I never would've thought that bein' friendly could drive people away. But... I guess friendliness is just different between men and women.
ERIC: Yeah [smiles] I guess it is. So you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna step back [steps back] a respectable distance here and I'm just gonna say... [holds his hand out] ...hello.
LONI: [takes his hand and shakes it] Hello. My name is Loni Boden, and I will do whatever I can not to physically inv*de your personal space. Perhaps we can discuss our career goals over a great knee-high?
ERIC: [laughing rigidly] Hahaha what've I done?!
---
[Chubbies, Saturday night - Gary and 'Veronica's' date. Shawn and Gary are sitting together in a booth talking]
GARY: This has been a terrific evening, and you are just great.
[Shawn smiles nervously]
GARY: And so, I'm wondering... how is it that someone like you doesn't have a boyfriend?
SHAWN: Well, I-I-I-I I haven't really been looking for a boyfriend. Guess I've just been... going through a lot of changes.
GARY: Well any time you wanna talk, I'm here to listen.
SHAWN: [looks at Gary suddenly earnest] Thanks, that's... that's nice... Gary. [finds himself gazing fondly at Gary and turns away looking mildly appalled with himself] I gotta have some food.
GARY: Hey, you got it. [calls out] Waitress!
[Out from the kitchen comes... Cory in a waitress outfit. He's wearing a bushy wig, large earrings, and adopts a husky voice]
CORY: How ya doin', honey?
[Topanga, who's been sitting nearby watching over Shawn's date, looks Cory up and down, horrified; Shawn doesn't look so calm about it either; Gary, however, notices nothing]
SHAWN: Cory...
CORY: I'm Cor-a [gestures to his name tag] I'll be your waitress this evenin'!
GARY: I come in here a lot; I've never seen you before.
CORY: Quit hittin' on me! [laughs jokily] I'm just kiddin' - it's my first night. Besides, it looks like you're already taken, cutie. [winks]
[Shawn is shaking his head]
SHAWN: [through gritted teeth] You're insane.
CORY: May I take your order, baby?
GARY: My usual. A double chilli burger and um, one chocolate milkshake. With two straws. [grins at 'Veronica']
SHAWN: I'll have the same. [thinks] And a steak.
[Cory and Gary stare at Shawn]
SHAWN: ...What?
CORY: Well, aren't you the veracious little eater?
[Cory pinches Shawn's cheek affectionately then heads to the kitchen with a quick wave to Topanga, who is smiling, bemused]
GARY: So, [puts his arm around Shawn] you having a good time?
SHAWN: [eyeing Gary's hand] Little trouble breathing! You're grabbing me a bit.
GARY: Naw, maybe you're just tense. How about if I rub your shoulders?
[Gary rubs 'Veronica's' shoulder and Shawn grows more and more anxious]
SHAWN: I didn't ask you to do that...
GARY: Yeah, but doesn't it feel good?
SHAWN: [pushes Gary away] You're not listening to me!
GARY: Woah! You're a strong one.
SHAWN: [smiles] Yeah, I play a little field hockey.
GARY: Yeah, I knew that... because the first thing I noticed were your legs-
SHAWN: AHHH! [leaps out of his seat - presumably Gary started feeling up Shawn's legs under the table]
GARY: What's the matter?!
SHAWN: You just don't listen! You're too busy planning your next moves to hear us say no!
GARY: [not listening] ...What?
[Shawn grabs his purse and gets out of the booth; Topanga and Cory go to him looking worried]
CORY: What's the matter?
SHAWN: He touched me!
CORY: Where?
SHAWN: On - my - knee! It's my knee, what makes him think that it's his knee?!
TOPANGA: Maybe you sent him a signal.
SHAWN: The only signal I sent him was 'Stop it'.
TOPANGA: And he didn't listen.
SHAWN: ...I'm not like that.
[Topanga looks at him pointedly]
SHAWN: I'm not. [looks at Cory] I never will be again.
CORY: Well, here he comes.
SHAWN: No. No, no. I quit.
CORY: You can't, we have an article to finish!
SHAWN: Ugh, I should've worn a pant-suit.
[Gary wanders over to the trio looking confused]
GARY: [to 'Veronica'] Look uh... sorry I got a little... aggressive. Nobody respects women more than me. Forgive me?
CORY: Of course she forgives you, you two are just adorable together! [nudges Shawn] Isn't he just de-lish?
GARY: [to 'Veronica'] Tell you what, how about I teach you to play fussball?
SHAWN: [smoothly] How about I teach you?
[Shawn walks past Gary to the fussball table]
GARY: [laughing] Yeah right! [follows 'Veronica']
[Cory shifts awkwardly, grimacing]
CORY: [to Topanga] My hosiery is bunching.
['Veronica' and Gary stand opposite each other at the fussball table]
GARY: Now, what you've got to do is you wanna spin the handle; you wanna make this little guy kick the ball.
SHAWN: [grinning] Like this? [spins the handle sharply; the ball goes straight into the goal]
GARY: [embarrassed laughter] Yeah. Kinda like that, yeah.
SHAWN: [slyly] I can go a little easier if you want.
GARY: [waves a dismissive hand] Just take your next sh*t.
[Shawn places the ball in the middle of the table and spins the handle; Gary stops the ball with the goalkeeper]
SHAWN: [smiles] Nice block.
GARY: Oh, you like that? Well let me show you how I did it.
[Shawn shifts uncomfortably as Gary makes his way around the table and stands behind him; Gary slides his hands down Shawn's arms and holds onto Shawn's hands around the handles]
GARY: Now what you need to have... is a real light touch...
[Gary places his hands on 'Veronica's' hips and squeezes; Shawn jumps back]
SHAWN: Hey hey!
GARY: Hey what??
SHAWN: What is wrong with you?!
GARY: I'm just showing you how to play the game.
SHAWN: I know how to play the game.
GARY: Yeah, I can tell by the way you're dressed. [laughs, slightly mocking]
SHAWN: [quietly] I just wanted to look nice...
GARY: Well, you do. [smiles and pulls 'Veronica' close to him]
SHAWN: Don't touch me.
GARY: Ok! [raises his hands in the air defensively] Don't like to be touched.
SHAWN: [sharply] Did it ever occur to you that I might be a nice girl?!
GARY: No, what I thought is that you'd be into guys. But I guess you're not - I guess you prefer girls.
SHAWN: [drops his girly voice] As a matter of fact, I do.
GARY: [perplexed] What?
SHAWN: I said, as a matter of fact- [punches Gary in the face] -I DO.
GARY: [lying on the ground cradling his jaw] What was that for?!
SHAWN: [yelling] For EVERY girl I've EVER known!
[Cory approaches, looking down at Gary]
CORY: Uh, please pay at the register, honey. And 'tipping' is not a city in China. [hands Gary the bill and turns to Shawn] C'mon, honey, we're outta here.
[Cory and Shawn link arms and slouch off; Topanga links with Cory as they pass and the three march out of Chubbies]
---
[Hallway at John Adams High. Shawn and Cory are reading the school newspaper looking very pleased with themselves; a crowd of people surround them, all reading the 'Chick Like Me' article; Mr Feeny approaches]
MR FEENY: Well, gentlemen! Seems the whole school is talking about it. And if I do say so myself - excellent article! [pauses, looking over the article] Troubling photographs...
[Mr Feeny walks by; Topanga and Debbie move towards them]
TOPANGA: Cory, I am SO proud of you, the article is wonderful. [kisses Cory on the cheek]
CORY: Well, I am a journalist, dagnabit.
DEBBIE: [smiling] Shawn, I wanted to thank you for what you did.
SHAWN: Hey! Not necessary, I... I learned a lot.
DEBBIE: [surprised] You did?
SHAWN: Yeah, y'know, in fact - all the guys around I'd say I'm the world's most perfect date right now.
DEBBIE: Well I'd say of all the girls around, I could probably use a perfect date right now. [smiles at Shawn] So what do you have in mind?
SHAWN: I dunno, we could... start with an evening of good conversation?
DEBBIE: And a... genuine connection with another human being?
SHAWN: Hey, I'm your boy.
[Debbie smiles; Shawn takes her hand and they walk off together; Cory grimaces and starts shifting comfortably]
TOPANGA: What's wrong?
CORY: [in his gruff 'Cora' voice] My hosiery is still bunching.
04x15 - Chick Like Me
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A coming-of-age comedy follows Cory as he juggles school, friends and romance.
A coming-of-age comedy follows Cory as he juggles school, friends and romance.