07x14 - I'm Gonna Be Like You, Dad

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Opening Credits

[SCENE – Outside the Student Union. Topanga is reading a magazine, Cory is eating some onion rings, and Shawn and Angela are making out]

Cory: (Humming, dips his onion ring in what looks like cheese sauce) Hmmm? (happily) Mmmm! Shawn, I think I’ve discovered a new taste treat. (Pulls Shawn and Angela apart)

Shawn: Cory, do you mind? I’m the middle of… (Cory interrupts him by shoving an onion ring in his mouth. Shawn, pleased, takes control of the food Cory has handed to him) Mmm! Cheesy! (To Angela, dramatically) Prove that you love me. (Angela smiles, then they resume making out)

Cory: (About Angela) Look at her. Like a water pick, this one. (To Topanga) Hey, how come you never lick the food off my teeth? (Gestures to Shawn & Angela)

Topanga: ‘Cause we’re married now, I don’t have to. (Laughs quietly) Okay Cory, this is your last question: Do you ever have difficulty performing in bed? (Surveys the magazine with a pencil, they’re taking a magazine quiz)

Cory: (Smiling, chuckling) Why don’t you tell me?

Topanga: (Chuckles mockingly) Yes. (Writes in her magazine)

Cory: (Quietly, upset) Hey! Topanga!

Topanga: (Ignoring Cory) Alright, everyone, let’s tabulate our scores.

Cory: (To Topanga, Quietly, upset) Hey! Last night I had a stummy ache. (Angela and Shawn have stopped making out, Cory looks to them and nods) (Louder, still to Topanga) And you didn’t take care of me, by the way.

Topanga: (Ignoring Cory) Alright, let’s see who’s gonna live the longest.

Cory: (To Topanga) Peaches, I can’t help but to notice that you’re ignoring me.

Topanga: Okay, Shawn and Angela are gonna live well into their eighties. (Looks closely) According to this, I should live to be 100. (Smiles) This is fun! (Writes in magazine)

Cory: What about me? What about my longevity?

Topanga: (Writing) Okay, Cory, you got… (Smiles happily) Hm! Good for you, honey!

Cory: (Childishly) Good for Cor, I’m gonna live to be a hundred, too!

Topanga: (Still smiling, shakes her head) No! You’ve proved these people wrong by being alive right now! (Nods excitedly)

Cory: Let me see that (Takes the magazine and examines it)

Shawn: Cory, it’s just a magazine.

Angela: Yeah, you’re not gonna take this seriously, are you?

Cory: (Realizing Topanga’s results are correct) You guys wanna know what’s weird about this? Is that all of a sudden, I can’t feel my legs.

Shawn: Oh, here we go… (Angela sighs)

Topanga: (Looks to Shawn and Angela, wide-eyed) My life just got really bad.

Cory: (Panicked) Honey, your husband can’t feel his legs, what are we gonna do about this?

Topanga: (Is speechless, turns to Shawn and Angela) Movie? Anyone wanna see a movie? (Stands)

Cory: Wait a minute, wait a minute. If you’re not gonna take care of me now, who’s gonna take care of me when I get old? (Topanga walks away)

Angela: (With Shawn, stand) Movie?

Shawn: Ooh, it’ll be dark in a movie theater.

Angela: (Suggestively) Ooh! (Takes his hand, lead him into the Student Union. Topanga follows them)

Cory: Honey! I’m dying and you’re going to a movie! (Pause, he’s alone) NICE WIFE!!

[SCENE – The Matthews’ kitchen. Amy is setting the table when Alan enters]

Alan: Hello, wife. (Walks towards her) You’ll never guess what happened down at the store today.

Amy: (Excitedly) A customer came in?

Alan: (Elatedly) YES! (Chuckles) And bought a tent. First one since that stinkin’ Blair Witch movie came out. You know what this means, huh? People aren’t afraid of the woods anymore!

Amy: They’re camping again!

Alan: YES! (They hug) Life is good! Nothing can stop us now!

(Eric enters with a goofy smile)

Eric: I’ve decided to join the family business!

Alan: (Extremely dejected) No… no… no… no…

Eric: Is this like the happiest day of your life or what! (Takes off his coat)

Alan: (Turns to Eric) Eric, you can’t work in my store.

Eric: Why not?

Alan: (Lying) I… sold it. It’s gone. (Choking on words) …sorry!

Amy: (Not happy) Alan!

Eric: Y’know, that’s too bad, ‘cause Jack and Rach and I were thinking about what we were gonna do with our lives…

Amy: Yeah, you a little freaked out about graduation?

Eric: Well, yeah, I was! Till I realized that I wanted to work with my dad!

Alan: (Briskly) Too bad!

Amy: (Tugging on Alan’s jacket) Alan, this is your son!

Alan: (Same as before) Too bad! (Turns to Amy, whispering) Amy, things are just starting to turn around!

Amy: (Quietly, to Alan) Shame on you!

Alan: (Quietly, snapping) You work with him! (Turns to Eric, almost pleading) Hey! What about school?

Eric: Well, y’know, I’m only taking two classes so I can actually put in a full week Monday through Friday, but I won’t work on Saturday out of respect for my Jewish peeps. (Pounds chest)

Amy: Alan, remember how we were worried about Eric’s (spelling it) f-u-t-u-r-e?

Eric: (Laughs) Oh, ma. You don’t have to worry about my furniture. (Alan, dumbfounded, covers his face with his hands and falls forward onto the counter)

Amy: (Trying to pull Alan up) This would be a great opportunity for his to get some real work experience.

Eric: (Walks over) I was thinking the same thing, and what could be better than working with my dad? (Pulls Alan up)

Alan: (Pause) Meat-packing plants. They’re better! Because… they’re in Wisconsin! Go to Wisconsin, Eric!

Amy: (Laughing, pats Eric’s chest) Your father’s just kidding. (To Alan) Aren’t you?

Alan: (Miserably) Yeah… I guess…

Eric: Alright, good, because I got a lot of neat ideas for the store, here’s one. Now try to follow me because I’m gonna be doing a lot of this. (Waves his hand in front of his face) Alright? (Slowly) We hang little pine trees off the real pines trees to give that whole forest the new car smell. (Alan looks at him, flabbergasted, as Eric nods surely) Didja… Did you see what I just did there? See, I got tons… I got so many of these ideas (taps his temple) it like… (shakes his head quickly) it kinda frazzles me every once in a while. So I’m gonna go upstairs and I’m gonna just keep thinking about them, alright? (Runs upstairs)

Alan: (Long pause. Slowly, turns and hands Amy a nearby frying pan) Take this frying pan and hit me in the head as hard as you can.

Amy: Okay. (Holds up the pan)

[SCENE – Doctor’s office. Cory is in one of the rooms, sitting on the table in his boxers, socks, and an undershirt holding an empty bottle. The doctor enters]

Doctor: Good morning.

Cory: (Holds up a bottle) I couldn’t deliver a urine sample.

Doctor: (Takes the bottle) No urine. (Puts it behind him) Okay… (Puts down his clipboard) So, what seems to be the problem?

Cory: Well, doctor, I took a test yesterday (doctor puts a blood pressure tester around Cory’s arm) and it said that my type A personality and love of cheese makes me a ticking b*mb.

Doctor: Hmm… What kind of a test did you take?

Cory: Couples Magazine? Courtney Cox? David Arquette? Skate sh**ting issue?

Doctor: Good lookin’ fella, that Arquette boy. (Doctor begins testing Cory’s pressure)

Cory: (Under his breath, in agreement) Yes… So anyway, I was just, uh… my longevity results revealed that I should’ve actually d*ed last Tuesday. (Looks at the doctor, who has frozen, with a puzzled look)

Doctor: (Uninterested) Right, I see… (Checking pressure) Hmm…

Cory: (Chuckles) Okay, I hate that immediately.

Doctor: Well… Sometimes patients get a little nervous coming in, their pressure goes up.

Cory: (Relieved) Oh, good.

Doctor: Although I’m just not certain that’s happening here, in your case. (Removes the tester)

Cory: Wait a minute, doctor. You really think there’s something wrong with me?

Doctor: Why? Would you like there to be something wrong with you?

Cory: (Laughs nonchalantly) No. Why would I want something to be wrong with me? That would just be… crazy.

Doctor: Right, do you have any history of mental illness in the family? (Holds light to Cory’s eyes to test them)

Cory: Uhh… no I don’t. I do have an uncle who thinks he’s Sammy Sosa.

Doctor: Hmm, institutionalized?

Cory: Yeah, but they let him out for Spring Training. (The doctor feels the side of Cory’s throat) Is there a reason you’re asking me all these serious questions?

Doctor: Mmmm-hm! (Picks up clipboard, looks at it) I see in my notes here you’ve got a, uh… (Clears throat) Tummy ache, that your brain hurts, and you’ve lost all feeling in your legs.

Cory: Could you tell my wife that? I want you to write her a note.

Doctor: Right, it says here you’re a newlywed. Things going well with the wife?

Cory: Why, because she’s not here? Is that what makes you question my marriage?

Doctor: (Ignoring Cory’s remarks) Ever have trouble performing in bed?

Cory: (Taken aback, then leans in, whispering) Why, did she call you?

Doctor: (Looks at Cory, then back to his clipboard) No, she didn’t. You’re very sensitive about all this, aren’t you?

Cory: Yes, I am, doctor.

Doctor: Are you gay?

Cory: (Surprised) No, are you?

Doctor: Yes, I am. I’d like to check you for hernia now. (Puts down his clipboard)

Cory: (Nods) Okay, good. I want that and every other test you’ve got, because we are not gonna stop until we find something wrong with me.

Doctor: I’m a firm believer that the patient knows his body best. Where would you like to start?

Cory: My armpit hurts, (Lifts up his left arm, points to his armpit_ right here, and this one. Right there.

Doctor: (Interested) Okay, let’s… (Looks closely) Mm-hm…

[SCENE – Matthews’ kitchen. Alan and Feeny are talking at the table. Amy, also in the conversation, walks over with a pot of coffee]

Alan: And you should see him with the customers. I’m telling you, this kid has a real affinity for people. (Turns to Amy) Amy, everybody’s crazy about him.

Amy: (Pours Alan some coffee) So Eric did good.

Alan: (A bit surprised) Yeah, he actually did good!

Amy: You seem surprised. (Pours Feeny coffee)

Feeny: Eric was always a people person.

Amy: Yeah, we know that. But we also realized that Eric’s… y’know…

Alan: (Finishing her sentence) Nuts.

Alan: (Defiantly) No! Eccentric! Eric has always marched to the b*at of a different drum.

Feeny: Most creative people do.

Alan: Well, I’m just glad he did well. Amy and I have spent a lot of sleepless nights worrying about Eric.

Amy: Well, of course I worried but I always believed he’d be okay.

Alan: Yeah, well, I wasn’t so sure.

Feeny: Why?

Alan: George, you’re his teacher, you know why.

Feeny: No, I’m afraid I don’t.

Amy: Alan, what’re you getting at?

Alan: (Holds up hands) Nothing! (Stands) ‘Kay? Don’t g*ng up on me. (Walks to the counter)

Feeny: Eric always did the best he could. That’s the most I can ask from anybody.

Alan: (Places a plate of cookies on the table) Well, we’re talking about Eric stepping out into the real world, it’s not so easy out there.

Feeny: No, it isn’t. And I understand your concern for you children, Alan.

Alan: (Sits) Eric. I’m concerned about Eric. My other kids are doing just fine.

(Eric enters)

Eric: Howdy!

Feeny: Eric! Your parents tell me you’re doing very well at the store.

Eric: Really? Well, you know what? This has been, like, one of the greatest days in my life. (Takes a soda from the fridge) I’m telling you something, Mr. Feeny, I think I finally found my niece.

Feeny: (Correcting him) Niche.

Eric: (Thinking Feeny’s wrong) Niche? (makes a gesture of drinking alcohol to Alan)

Alan: (Remembering) Oh! (Grabs an envelope from behind him) Ooh, Eric, Hey! I got something to show you… (Pulls a board from the envelope reading “Matthews & Son Outdoor Adventures” and presents it proudly)

Eric: Will you look at that?

Amy: “Matthews and Son, Outdoor Adventures.” Alan, what is this?

Alan: Well, it’s a mock-up of the new sign I’m gonna have made. Huh? (To Feeny) What do you think of that, George?

Feeny: I think it’s, uh, very nice.

Eric: (Giddily) Feen-ay? Look at that! I got a job after graduation, look. (Following the words with his finger) Matthews and son. (Points to himself) It’s like I finally got a future! (Pats Alan’s back) Thanks, man! (Exits)

Alan: (To Amy) He’s got a future. Doesn’t have to go out into the world and get disappointed. That’s what’s important.

Amy: No, there’s one more important thing.

Alan: What?

Amy: You have no faith in your son.

[SCENE – Alan’s store. Eric is ringing up a customer while Alan looks on with Jack and Rachel to one side of him and Amy and Feeny to the other.]

Eric: (To the customer) All right, well, thank you so much for shopping my daddy’s store. And, uh, got a good product here. If anything goes wrong with it, you come back, you talk to me, okay? I’m Eric. Great. Why don’t I just ring you up, get you on your way.

Rachel: (To Alan) y’know, Eric seems real comfortable here.

Jack: Well, sure. He’s with his dad, it’s a family store. Why wouldn’t he feel comfortable?

Rachel: Ugh, I wish I was comfortable.

Jack: Yeah, I’d give anything to know what I was gonna do with myself.

Alan: What do you mean?

Rachel: We graduate in May.

Jack: (Scared) Iihhh!!

Rachel: Yeah, four months and we’re thrown out into the real world.

Alan: You don’t know what you’re gonna do?

Jack: Well, you know what? All this time, I’ve studied engineering and journalism. And now comes the time when I actually have to choose between the two of them, and I wanna be a lawyer like Rachel.

Rachel: Oh! Lawyer was, like, eight careers ago.

Jack: I don’t wanna be a lawyer, either.

Rachel: You know what I wanna be? I wanna be Eric. He’s the lucky one.

Alan: Oh, come on, you’re saying that for my benefit.

Rachel: No! No.

Jack: No, really. Really, he’s the only one that has a handle on things.

Alan: He is?

Rachel: Yeah. I mean, he’s got a job, his future’s all set.

Alan: (Agreeing) Yeah! He’s the only one of you guy whose future’s all set. Imagine that… (Turns to Feeny and Amy) What do you think about that, George? Maybe you oughtta go help your other little lost sheep, huh? Go help them find their way, because Eric’s going to be just fine!

Amy: Alan…

Alan: What? I’m a little proud of my kid here. I admit, I was a little nervous for him.

Amy: You never believed in him.

Alan: No, I was a little nervous.

Amy: And you still don’t believe in him. You think he will go out in the world and experience disappointment, so you wanna lock him up here. (Camera shows Eric talking to Rachel & Jack at the register) I thought if he would be here with you, he would gain experience and confidence and be ready to go out in the world, and now I think it might be the worst place for him!

Alan: He’s safe here! (Referring to Jack & Rachel) And he’s a step ahead of them.

[Cut over to Jack, Rachel, and Eric’s conversation]

Rachel: So I was thinking med school?

Jack: You’d make a great doctor.

Eric: Yeah, people really love you.

Rachel: Veterinarian!

Eric: What?

Rachel: Yeah, I mean, I love animals, I always have! And I just love to take care of them.

Eric: You know, I love animals too. Would it be, like, a little shop and you’d help fix up little kids’ pets and stuff?

Rachel: Yeah, and put a bunch of letters on the wall from little kids thanking me for helping their dogs.

Jack: (Solemnly) What about the ones you’d have to put to sleep?

Rachel: (Long pause) I’m gonna be a caterer!

[Cut back to Alan, Feeny, and Amy]

Alan: (To Amy) You’d rather he was confused like them?

Amy: You know why they’re confused? Because they have choices. They believe they are capable of anything.

Alan: Amy, not everyone is capable of anything.

Feeny: Alan, eventually I have to let my students graduate. I shelter them as much as I can, but finally, I have to let them go.

Amy: Yeah, we could keep Eric here. We know he would do fine. But we wouldn’t know what else he was capable of. Any you know what’s worse? Neither would he.

Alan: (Defensively) Well, that’s very nice. You don’t think I know what’s best for my son, well… I do think I know what’s best for my son. Now, if you don’t mind, we have a store to run. Excuse… me! (Walks away, Amy and Feeny look at each other. Feeny shrugs)

[SCENE – Cory and Topanga’s apartment. Topanga makes tea in the kitchen while Shawn and Angela sit on the couch, eating pizza]

Shawn: He’s been planning his funeral. I do the eulogy. (To Angela) You get to light the eternal flame.

Topanga: This is all my fault. I should’ve never given him that stupid ‘Couples’ quiz!

Angela: What did the doctor say?

Topanga: He stopped off there to get his test results back. But what if he actually finds out that there’s something wrong with him?

Angela: Oh, there’s something wrong with him, honey! (Takes a bite of pizza)

Shawn: (Clarifying) She means… here. (Taps his temple)

Topanga: I know what she means! Don’t you think I know what she means? I know he’s crazy, I know everything! Do you wanna know what he won’t let me touch? “No, not there! I might get cancer!”

Shawn: (Concerned, braces himself) Where?

Angela: Topanga, what if there actually is something wrong with him?

Topanga: Oh, please, he’s just doing this ‘cause he’s afraid I’m not gonna take care of him when he’s eighty. He’s just doing this to get attention.

Angela: He is?

Topanga: (Surely) Yes.

Shawn: Well, why don’t you just give it to him!

Topanga: Because I’d rather give him attention for acting normal!

Angela: Oh, honey, we know that’s never gonna happen!

Topanga: You’re right, it’s not. I married a nut! But aside from that, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with him! (Sits on the couch arm)

(Cory enters dramatically, not to mention creepily)

Cory: (Long pause, looks everyone over) Hello… everyone. (Enters slowly)

Topanga: Here we are in hell.

Cory: (Somberly) I’m glad you’re all here today.

Shawn: Cory?

Angela: Is there something wrong?

Cory: Well, as you all know, I just came from the doctor.

Topanga: You have something?

Cory: Yes. I have something. You all made fun of me, but I have something, alright. (Holds up a piece of paper) It’s all right here. (Crumples paper, holds it too his chest) Right here… (To Topanga) You’re my wife. ‘Kay? You have the right to know first. (Hands Topanga the paper then goes to the window and broods)

Shawn: (To Topanga) What’s it say?

Topanga: (Nodding) He has hypochondria. (Shawn and Angela lose interest) Chronic and severe hypochondria.

Cory: (Sadly) That’s right… (Turns to face the crew, near tears) I’m a hypochondriac!

Topanga: Cory! It means that there’s nothing wrong with you! (Stands) It means you create stuff in your head!

Cory: (Still sad) Yes, well. (Holds up a bottle) He gave me these placebos.

Shawn: (Frustrated) Placebos are what they give to crazy people like you to make them think they’re being cured of something they don’t have!

Cory: (To Shawn) Hey! I have to be on these for the REST OF MY LIFE!!

Shawn: (Changing subject) Okay, so, what’s up for tonight? Movie? (Cory, pitifully, looks to Topanga)

Angela: Movie. (She and Shawn stand and exit)

Topanga: (Offering) Cory?

Cory: (Miserably) I have a tummy ache.

Topanga: (Sighs, calls to Shawn & Angela in the hall) Wait up! (Exits into hall, Cory looks hurt)

[Cut to hallway, Topanga talking to Shawn and Angela]

Topanga: I don’t care what that magazine said, he’s gonna outlive all of us! But if he thinks that I’m gonna take care of him for the rest of his life, he’s nuts!

Shawn: Of course he is!

Angela: That’s why you married him. (Topanga, knowing she’s wrong, leans back on the door]

[Cut back to Cory and Topanga’s apartment. Cory is laying despondently on the couch, staring blankly into space. Topanga reenters]

Topanga: Do you want a blanket? (Drops her coat)

Cory: (Smiles) Oh, that would be swell. But not wool! Wool chafes my nippies!

Topanga: (Laughs quietly, throws a blanket over Cory) Do you want me to make you some tea, then?

Cory: You know what I really want?

Topanga: (Warmly) What?

Cory: I want you to come and sit next to me and hold my hand until I fall asleep.

Topanga: (Sentimentally) That’s what you want?

Cory: Yeah. (Pushes away a segment of the blanket, leaving space for Topanga to sit) I do. (Topanga sits next to him and they hold hands. Cory gets comfortable and closes his eyes)

Topanga: Is this what our life is gonna be like?

Cory: (Whispering) Could ya talk softer?

Topanga: (Whispering) Is this what our life is gonna be like?

Cory: Well, sometimes you’ll be sick and I’ll take care of you.

Topanga: That sounds nice.

Cory: I just wanna know that we’ll always take care of each other.

Topanga: Do you feel better?

Cory: Well, isn’t this better than going to the movies?

Topanga: (Nods) Yeah, it is.

Cory: Then I feel better.

Topanga: (Rubs his hand affectionately) Good.

Cory: But I’m gonna close my eyes now. (Does do) I think the placebos are kickin’ in. (Goes into a goofy, subdued stupor. Topanga kisses his hand, then picks up a nearby copy of “Couples Magazine” and reads)

[SCENE – Alan’s store, after hours. Alan is at register as Eric comes up to the front, trotting down the steps, carrying a tent bag]

Eric: Just think! Last week I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, and now I know just what I should be. (Puts down the bag, points to Alan appreciatively) And you helped me find out.

Alan: Is this what you really wanna be, Eric?

Eric: (Unsurely) Sure… Y’know, I mean, I hear Jack and Rachel talking all the time, y’know… Doctor, lawyer, journalist, engineer… It’s just, they all sounded really confused. (Paces behind the counter to a camping tent display)

Alan: Hey, remember when you wanted to be a weatherman?

Eric: (Laughs) Yeah. That was crazy, huh?

Alan: (Steps closer) Why?

Eric: ‘Cause I could never be that. (He and Alan sit on camping chairs in the display)

Alan: Why not? Why couldn’t you be a weatherman?

Eric: You really gotta be on the ball to be a weatherman. I mean, you gotta know about meteorology and all that stuff. Plus, I get really sad when people lose their homes in floods.

Alan: Would you rather work here for the rest of your life or would you rather be a weatherman?

Eric: (Thinks) I think I’d rather be a veterinarian. (Alan chuckles) Yeah. I mean, I heard Rachel talking about it. It sounded like something I’d wanna do, too, but… (Rhetorically) Can’t be that either, can I?

Alan: Well, if you could be anything you wanted to be, what would you choose?

Eric: Either a veterinarian so I could help animals. Or a weatherman so I could warn people when there’s a flood… or when there’s sunshine. (Smiles wistfully) Crazy, huh?

Alan: (Shakes head) No. No, that’s not crazy.

(Enter Jack and Rachel)

Eric: Oh, great. (Stands) Now I sound as confused as these guys. (Goes to the register to talk)

Alan: (To himself) Yeah. Yeah, you do…

Rachel: (To Eric) So, you ready for dinner?

Eric: Oh, no, you know what? Not gonna be able to go. Yeah, tomorrow’s the start of the big ski season, so we’re having a big clearance sale. Gotta be here to help my dad, you guys are gonna have to go on without me. (Points to the door)

Rachel: Aww..

Jack: (Disappointed) Okay…

Alan: (Stopping them) No! (Stands) Uh, no, I don’t want you to go on without him. (To Eric) You go with your friends.

Eric: (Points to back) But all the skis, I mean, we gotta…

Alan: (Interrupting) Don’t worry about it, I’ll take care of the skis.

Eric: You’re sure you can do this without me?

Alan: (Nodding) I’m sure. You be with your friends. I belong here, you belong with your friends.

Eric: (Skeptically) You sure?

Alan: I am. I am, now.

Eric: Alright. (Walks around the counter to his friends)

Jack: (To Eric and Rachel) Hey, you know what? I think I got it. What about… architecture?

Eric: Now that’s something I think you’d be good at! (Taps Jack’s chest)

Jack: Sweet… (Alan smiles at their interaction)

Rachel: I’ve decided to be a corporate art buyer.

Eric: (Impressed) Wow! (Short pause) What is that?

Rachel: (Smiling) I don’t know! (Meekly) I think I made it up…

(Amy enters carrying Josh)

Amy: Hi!

Eric: Hey mommy! Hey Joshie!

Rachel & Jack: (With Eric’s previous line) Hey!

Rachel: (Turns to Eric, looking enlightened) Pediatrician!

Jack: Me too!

Eric: Me too! (Alan is still smiling about his son’s conversation)

Jack: Well, it’s settled, then.

Rachel: (Next 7 lines in rapid succession) Good!

Jack: Good!

Eric: Great!

Jack: Alright.

Rachel: (Merrily) Let’s go!

Jack: Let’s go!

Rachel: (To Amy and Josh) Bye!

Eric: (To Josh, very cute) See ya, baby brother!

(Eric, Rachel, and Jack exit, Amy approaches the counter)

Alan: He’s a good kid, Amy. He’ll be okay. I’m scared for him, I’m scared for all of ‘em!

Amy: Well, did you do your best for him?

Alan: (Grabs his coat) I did.

Amy: Then he’ll be okay. (Props Josh up) (About Eric) He’s your son.

Alan: (Puts on coat) He’s our son. He’s our son out in the world. Shelter him as long as you can, but then you gotta let him go. That’s what we do, hm? (Takes Josh) How about you, Joshie? How you doin’?

(Alan smiles and chuckles quietly at his adorable baby son. He then opens the door and lets Amy out, turns of the lights, then exits, closing the door behind him)

[TAG – Cory and Topanga’s apartment. Continued from earlier, Cory and Topanga are napping on the couch. There is a knock at the door, waking them both up]

Topanga: (Sits up) I’ll get it. (Stands, goes over and opens the door. Uncle Maury, and old man, is there in a baseball uniform with a blue cap. On the back of his blue shirt, “Sammy” is written in yellow)

Uncle Maury: (To Topanga) Are you the wife?

Topanga: (Turns to Cory) Uh… Cory?

Uncle Maury: (Shakes Topanga’s hand) It’s nice to meet ya. I’m Sammy Sosa! (Mimics swinging a bat, then does Sammy’s think-God kiss where he kisses his fingers and taps his chest in rapid succession, then waves his hand forward. <It’s kind of a baseball thing, you gotta see it to know it>)

Cory: (Sits up happily) Uncle Maury! (Stands) They let you out? (Topanga shuts the door)

Uncle Maury: I’m in town three days to play against the Phillies.

Topanga: It’s January.

Uncle Maury: (To Topanga) I’m nuts, didn’t he tell ya? (Points to Cory)

Cory: You came all the way to see me?

Uncle Maury: (Affectionately) Hey…

Cory: Come here! (They hug)

Uncle Maury: I heard you had the hypo-cond-eria! (Rubs Cory’s side) (Cory nods)

Topanga: Can I make you some tea, Uncle Maury?

Uncle Maury: (Confused) Who?

Topanga: (Correcting herself) Uncle Sammy Sosa!

Uncle Maury: (Pleased) Yeah… (Does the Sammy Sosa kiss thing again, then laughs) (Seriously) No tea. Tea makes me sleepy. You see, I gotta keep wide awake so I can catch that bum, McGuire! (Claps hands, takes a baseball from his back pocket) I forgot! (To Cory) Sit down! (Uncle Maury and Cory sit) I brought you an autographed baseball from all the boys at Sunnyvale. (Hands Cory the baseball)

Cory: Oh! Look at this! (Reading the names) Ken Griffey Junior, Orel Hershieser, Princess Margaret, Patsy Kline, Dagwood Bumstead, Rin Tin Tin, (Impressed) Catherine Zeta-Jones! (Nudges Uncle Maury) What’s she like? (Chuckles)

Uncle Maury: (Looks up to Topanga, then speaks quietly to Cory) I’ll tell ya later in the spaceship. (Two large men in white jumpsuits enter) There’s the rest of my outfield! (Jumps into one of the men’s arms, then tips his cap as he’s carried out)

(The three are about to exit, but Topanga stops them)

Topanga: Wait! Wait, wait! (Points to Cory) You forgot him!

(The other large man goes over to Cory and puts his hand on Cory’s shoulder. Cory briefly considers it, then jumps into the man’s arms. Cory points to the door, urging them onward)

Topanga: Bye, honey!

Cory: (As he’s carried out) Bye!

Topanga: I love you! (Shuts the door)