01x01 - Juliet Prowse

[bunniefuu]

It's The Muppet Show, with our very
speciaI guest star Miss Juliet Prowse,

♪ It's time to play the music

♪ It's time to light the lights

♪ It's time to meet the Muppets
on The Muppet Show tonight

♪ It's time to put on makeup

♪ It's time to dress up right

♪ It's time to raise the curtain
on The Muppet Show tonight

Hey, have I got an opening joke
for you tonight?

You're... Oh, you're gonna love this,
These two...

♪ To introduce our guest star

♪ That's what I'm here to do

♪ So it really makes me happy

♪ To introduce to you

Miss Juliet Prowse,

♪ But now let's get things started on
the most sensationaI, inspirationaI

♪ CelebrationaI, MuppetationaI

♪ This is what we call

♪ The Muppet Show

Thank you, Thank you,
Hey, listen, it's another great show, folks,

I mean, tonight our guest star is one
of the truly great dancers of the world,

the one and only Miss Juliet Prowse,

And, if that weren't enough,
we've also got "Mahna Mahna,"

Whatever that means,

♪ Be-do be-do do-do-do
be-do be-be-do be-do

♪ Do doo be-do-do

♪ Mahna mahna
♪ Do doo be-do-do

♪ Mahna mahna
♪ Do do-do do

♪ Mahna mahna
♪ Do doo be-do-do

♪ Be-do-do, be-do-do
be-do-do-doodle do do do-doo do

♪ Mahna mahna mahna-ma
nuh-nuh me-nah-ne-nah

♪ Nuh-nuh-nuh mah-mah nuh-nuh

♪ Uh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh

♪ Uh-nuh-nuh

♪ Mahna mahna
♪ Do doo be-do-do

♪ Mahna mahna
♪ Do do-do do

♪ Mahna mahna
♪ Do doo be-do-do

♪ Be-do-do, be-do-do
be-do-do-doodle do do do-doo do

♪ Mah nuh-nuh mah nuh-nuh

♪ Mah-nuh mah-nuh-nuh
mah-nuh-nuh-nuh

♪ Mah-nuh mah-nuh-nana nuh-nuh ne

Nuh?

Huh?

♪ Mahna mahna
♪ Do doo be-do-do

♪ Mahna mahna
♪ Do do-do do

♪ Mahna mahna
♪ Do doo be-do-do

♪ Be-do-do, be-do-do
be-do-do-doodle do do do-doo do

♪ Nuh-nuh-nuh nuh-nuh
mah nuh-nuh

♪ Uh-nuh-nuh-nuh mah-nuh-nuh

♪ Nuh-nuh-nuh na nuh-ne-nuh nah nah

♪ Mahna mahna
♪ Do doo be-do-do

♪ Mahna mahna
♪ Do do-do do

♪ Mahna mahna
♪ Do doo be-do-do

♪ Be-do-do, be-do-do
be-do-do-doodle do do do-doo do

♪ Mah-nuh-nuh na nuh-nuh

♪ Mah-nuh-nuh na nuh-nuh

♪ Mah-nah-nah-nah

♪ Mahna mahna
♪ Do doo be-do-do

♪ Mahna mahna
♪ Do do-do do

♪ Mahna mahna
♪ Do doo be-do-do

♪ Be-do-do, be-do-do
be-do-do-doodle do do do-doo do

♪ Mahna mahna
♪ Do doo be-do-do

♪ Mahna mahna
♪ Do do-do do

♪ Mahna mahna
♪ Do doo be-do-do

♪ Be-do-do, be-do-do
be-do-do-doodle do do

Hello? OK, Just a second,

It's for you,

♪ Mahna mahna

The question is,
what is a "Mahna Mahna"?

The question is, who cares?

Think about this, friends,

Hey, Boss, Muppy and I
wanted to talk to you

about the act we're doing
on the show tonight,

Uh, Scooter, you're not doing
an act on the show tonight,

Oh, gee, my uncle who owns this theater
thought of this act, didn't he?

Tell us about the act
you're doing on the show tonight,

Oh, it's called "Simon Smith
and his Amazing Dancing Dog,"

Yeah, I sing this song, see,

and Muppy here does this cute,
adorable, sweet, sugary little dance,

Well, it sounds, says the frog,
displaying his artistic judgment, sappy,

Gee, my uncle thought it was...
- Uh...

It sounds, says the frog,
displaying his will to survive, wonderfuI,

Yeah, it's great, He'll love it,
- Certainly,

I've often thought of Muppy here
as about the cutest little fellow around,

He thinks of himself as a k*ller,

Let me outta here!

That dumb dog,
Whoa, I'm onstage, Wow,

Now that I'm here,
let me take this opportunity

to present The Muppet Show's
resident artist Gonzo the Great!

Thank you, Thank you very much,
Thank you,

Tonight, ladies and gentlemen,

I will eat this rubber tire to the music of
"The Flight of the Bumblebee,"

Music, Maestro,

He's doing it, He's eating a tire,
- Amazing!

Astounding!
- Boring!

Looks like it's another wipeout for Gonzo,

Ah, yokels!

What do they know about art?

Hey, Kermit, Muppy wants you
to know he's very sorry he bit you,

Oh, yeah,
- He wants you to know he's very gratefuI

you're letting him do
the "Simon Smith" number,

Oh, well, that's nice,

He wants you to know he wants
his own dressing room and star billing,

What? Who is this crazy dog?

He's my uncle's favorite pet,

Yeuch!

Hello there, Miss Prowse,
Hey, listen, is everything OK?

Any complaints?
- No, none whatsoever,

Except that I've never had
to share my dressing room before

with a man who eats a tire,

I told Gonzo to dress in the alley,
Hey, listen, I gotta go introduce you,

You look beautifuI, BeautifuI!

He's sweet, For a frog,

Ladies and gentlemen,
the lovely Miss Juliet Prowse,

She just vanished,
How did she do that?

Probably like this,

Yup, That's probably how she did it,

You're such a smooth dancer,

Ever since we've started I've feeI
like my feet have never touched the floor,

They haven't,
You've been standing on mine,

Oops,

Do you prefer Shakespeare to Bacon?

I prefer anything to bacon,

You mind if I smoke?
- If you insist,

Thanks,

Smoke's not bothering you, is it?
- Manager!

At this time I would like
to present my rendition

of one of the great songs of our time,

That ever-popular classic,
"You and I and George,"

"But why," you ask, as well you should,

"have I never heard
this great song of our times?"

Fact is, nobody has ever heard
of this ever-popular classic,

In its only recording,
"You and I and George" sold two copies,

I bought one and George bought one,

Where were you?

My own mother turns down
her hearing aid when I sing this song,

♪ You and I and George

♪ Went strolling through the park one day

♪ And then

♪ You held my hand

♪ As if to say

♪ I love you

♪ Then

♪ We passed a brook

♪ And George fell in and drowned himself

♪ And floated out to sea

♪ Leaving you

♪ Alone

♪ With me

You know, that number you did
was just beautifuI, Juliet,

Well, thank you, Kermit,

You know, I'm really happy to be
here with you and all the Muppets,

You know something?
I've never talked to a frog before,

Well, we're just like anyone else,
A little more jumpy maybe,

But, you know, we have
our hopes and our dreams,

Oh, yeah? Well, what are
some of your dreams?

Well...

You may just think
I'm gilding the lily pad here,

but, as a tadpole,
I always wanted to be a dancer,

Oh,
- But you know what they say:

the first thing to go on a frog
are his legs,

You know, that's what they say,

That's funny, I never knew
that frogs had a sense of humor,

Oh, well, we have to,

Listen, you meet a frog without a sense of
humor and you're looking at a green lump,

Let's just face it, Julie,

Your average frog doesn't have a lot
going for him in the looks department,

Oh, I don't know,
I think you're quite attractive,

Really?
- Mm-hm,

You're not just saying that
because you're a guest?

Well, certainly not,

In fact, I'd go as far as to say
that you are the Robert Redford of frogs,

Oh, Wow,

Hey, listen, everybody,
D'you hear that?

Juliet Prowse thinks
I'm the Robert Redford of frogs,

Hey, you're gonna be coming back
on this show a lot,

Hey, listen, Have you ever
kissed Robert Redford?

No, I haven't,
- Well, how about...

kissing the next best thing?

You mean to tell me
that PauI Newman is here?

I mean me, the Robert Redford of frogdom,

Ah, My pleasure,

Whoo!

More! More!

Less! Less!

OK, Stand by for the Western sketch,
- Hey, Kermit, Kermit,

Does this sound
like John Wayne?

Will you get onstage, Fozzie?

Hey, Kermit,
- Huh?

Yeah, now that Muppy is doing
the big "Simon Smith" number,

well, he only has one other suggestion,

Listen, I already gave him his own
dressing room, what more does he want?

Well, it's about the title of the show, Look,

The Muppy Show?

Ladies and gentlemen, it's cowboy time,

I'd been playing saloon piano
in Snake City for three years,

It was the roughest town in the West,

I mean, we had some mean customers,

Howdy, Rowlf,
- Uh... Hello, Miss Kitty,

I mean, they were tough,
After three years I thought I'd seen it all,

I'd seen the Clanton brothers, the
Younger brothers, the James brothers,

Not to mention the Osmond brothers,

But when Kid Fozzie came to town,
I knew I hadn't seen nothing,

All right, everybody,
Reach for the floor,

Beg pardon?
- Reach for the floor, This is a stickdown,

You're confused, Kid,
You ain't got no g*ns,

Those are pickles,

That's right, folks, There he is,
the fastest gherkin in the West,

He's got a license
to carry them pickles?

Hey, when you get sh*t by a pickle
at close range, do you get garlic burns?

All right, you asked for it,

Sorry, Kid, I didn't know the pickles
were loaded, Here's your money,

All right, Kid, don't make a move, I got
you covered, Throw down your pickles,

OK,

I don't need g*ns to fight you,

I'll get you with my Kn*fe,
- Will you stop with the vegetables?

Boy, you shouldn't have done that,
I'm a desperate bear,

ready for desperate measures,

Oh, no!

It's an apple!
- And don't tell me...

Yes, The fuse is lit,

The fuse is lit?

And that's how it was the day
Kid Fozzie came into town,

That's one of the reasons
I always thought the Muppets were weird,

Why's that?
- They think explosions are funny,

Yes,
- Explosions aren't funny,

Although some of them
are really quite droll,

Juliet, what has one eye,
sharp teeth and is long and fuzzy?

I don't know,
- I don't know either, but you're wearing it,

Hiya, toots,

Muppy, Scooter, you're on next,

It's no use, Kermit,
- What?

Muppy says if you won't change
the title of the show, he's not going on,

He's locked himself in
his dressing room and he's not coming out,

Yeah, but the "Simon Smith" number's
on next,

I know, I know,

What are we gonna do?
- Kermit? Kermit? Kermit?

How come I'm not doing an act
this week? Hm?

Uh...

Congratulations, Fozzie,
you're doing an act this week,

Sometimes I can be very persuasive,

Ladies and gentlemen, "Simon Smith
and his Amazing Dancing... Bear,"

♪ I may go out tomorrow

♪ If I can borrow a coat to wear

♪ Oh, I'd step out in style

♪ With my sincere smile
and my dancing bear

♪ Outrageous, alarming

♪ Courageous, charming

♪ Oh, who would think a boy and bear

♪ Could be well-accepted everywhere?

♪ It's just amazing how fair people can be

♪ Seen at the nicest places

♪ Where well-fed faces all stop to stare

♪ Making the grandest entrances

♪ Simon Smith and his dancing bear

♪ They'll love us
♪ Won't they?

♪ They feed us
♪ Don't they?

♪ Oh, who would think a boy and bear

♪ Could be well-accepted everywhere?

♪ It's just amazing how fair people can be

♪ Oh, who needs money

♪ When we're funny?

♪ The great attraction everywhere

♪ Will be Simon Smith
and his dancing bear

♪ It's Simon Smith
and his amazing dancing bear

Together! Yes!

Oh, yes!

Say, Waldorf,
I was wondering if maybe you...

Darn, I'd better get some new batteries
for my hearing aid,

I fooI him every time!

OK, Muppet Glee Club,
Muppet Glee Club onstage, please,

Muppet Glee Club, OK, All right,

Everybody in position, please, OK,

Everybody ready?

The Muppet Glee Club,
One and two and...

Uh, uh...

Wait, wait, wait,
Something is amiss here,

I thought it was lovely,
- You wave that stick wonderfully,

When it comes to stick waving,
Kermit wrote the book,

Well, thank you, thank you,
I do appreciate that kind comment,

but I would like to point out to all
assembled here that this is a glee club,

Oh, yes, that is what our letterhead says,

Yeah, So when I wave this stick so
wonderfully, I would like to hear something,

Oh!

We were remiss in that regard,

OK, Here we go, One more time,
The Muppet Glee Club,

One and two and...

Wait, wait, wait,
Hold, hold, hold...

Hold it, Hold it, Hold it, Hold it,
Hold it, Stop,

How shall I say this? Excuse me, friends,
but to my ears at least,

it would help a lot if you were all singing...

the same song!
- Oh, I love it!

So wild!
- The frog is a genius,

AwfuI cute too,

It really doesn't matter what song you sing,

as long as we all agree
to the song that we're going to sing,

OK,
- OK?

Now, does anybody here
have a favorite song?

Yes!

W-what song is that?
- "Temptation"!

Since there seems to be
some consensus of opinion here,

the Muppet Glee Club will now render
"Temptation,"

Piggy, honey?
- Hm?

You can take the solo,
- Yes, my love,

OK, Here we go,
- I love him,

The Muppet Glee Club, "Temptation,"

One and two and...

♪ Dum da-da da, dum da-da da
dum da-da da, dum dum

♪ Dum da-da da, dum da-da da
dum da-da da, dum dum dum

♪ You came
♪ Da-da da dum da-da da dum

♪ I was alone
♪ Da-da da dum da-da da dum

♪ I should have known
♪ Da-da da dum da-da da dum

♪ You were temptation
♪ Dum dum dum da-da da dum

♪ You smiled
♪ Da-da da dum da-da da dum

♪ Luring me on
♪ Da-da da dum da-da da dum

♪ My heart was gone
♪ Da-da da dum da-da da dum

♪ You were temptation
♪ Dum dum dum da-da da dum

♪ It would be thrilling

♪ If you were willing

♪ If it can never be

♪ Pity me

♪ For you were
♪ Da-da da dum da-da da dum

♪ Born to be kissed
♪ Da-da da dum da-da da dum

♪ I can't resist
♪ Da-da da dum da-da da dum

♪ You are temptation
♪ Da-da da dum da-da da dum

♪ And I am yours
♪ Da-da da dum da-da da dum

♪ Here is my heart
♪ Da-da da dum da-da da dum

♪ Take it and say
♪ Da-da da dum da-da da dum

♪ We'll never part
♪ Da-da da dum da-da da dum

♪ I'm just a sl*ve
♪ Da-da da dum da-da da dum

♪ Only a sl*ve
♪ Da-da da dum da-da da dum

♪ To you
♪ Da-da da dum da-da da dum

♪ Temptation

Hey, Juliet, I want to tell you
what a pleasure it was

to have you with us on the show,

Oh, Kermit, I really enjoyed it,

And as a little token of our appreciation, we
have a Muppet likeness of you right here,

Oh, how sweet,
- I know you'd rather have the cash, but...

No, no, no, Kermit, This is just wonderfuI,

Can I come home with you?
- Well, of course you can,

She's not as pretty as you, you know, but...

Oh, Kermit, thank you,

Ooh, Thank you,
And thank you all for joining us,

We'll see you all next time
on The Muppet Show.

Well, what did you think?
- Beats sitting home watching television,

♪ Mahna mahna