Christmas in Hollywood (2014)

[bunniefuu]

[beachy music]

[Christmas music]

[gong]

[adventure music]

[explosions]

[explosions]

[knock]

- Charlie, time
to go to the park.

- Okay, Aunt Ting.

[moves to silence]

["Jingle Bells" in Chinese]

[Ting chuckles]

Arr, ya swine.

I'll have ya walk the plank
before I'm done with ya.

Ya need a good
keelhauling as well.

Aunt Ting, I'm a pirate
just like Black Bart.

- Yes, you are.

Except you're a good pirate.

- Arr.

- [Aunt Ting] A very good one.

Hey, Charlie, we need to talk.

Can you come and sit with
me for a few minutes?

- Okay.

- You know how we talked about

your dad coming to visit, right?

- Yeah, he's
bringing me an iPad,

we're gonna finish our
model ship together and --

- Your dad's not coming.

- What are you saying?

- When your dad left you
with me, after your mom died,

and he moved to Los Angeles
in the United States,

we both knew it wasn't
gonna be forever.

So ...

Yeah, I have to go
back to the university

and I have to pursue
my master's degree,

so I'm not gonna be able to
take care of you anymore.

- [Charlie] I'm gonna miss
you so much, Aunt Ting.

So much.

- But you know your
father misses you

very much as well and ...

And he loves you very much
and you belong with him so ...

Anyway, I will see
you this Christmas

because I'm planning
a trip there,

so maybe you can show
me around Hollywood.

[Ting giggles]

[whimsical music]

["Jingle Bells"]

- Charlie!

Charlie, you're going
to be late for school.

- School is boring.

- What would Santa
say about that?

- [Charlie] Diana, stop
it with the Santa stuff.

I know he isn't real, okay?

- Charlie, don't call me Diana.

It's mom to you.

- Yeah, just have
it your way, Diana.

- [Diana] Have a
good day at school!

- Have you played the
submarine base level yet?

- The one where you're a sn*per?

- Yeah, you also get to play
a UAV that shoots rockets.

- There's a rocket launcher
that shoots rockets

in b*ttlefield of Glory 3 too.

- Cool!

- Cool.

- Oh, iPads are so neat.

- My dad's getting
me one for Christmas.

- My mom says that if I'm
good and keep my room clean,

Santa would bring me
one for Christmas too.

- Santa?

- Really, dude?

- Where do presents
come from then?

- Mostly from Amazon
and Toys'R'Us.

- My mom likes to
shop at Target.

- [Blonde boy] That's stupid.

I mean, whenever Santa
leaves our house,

the cookies I left
for him are gone.

If he doesn't eat
them, then who does?

- Your dad, stupid.

That's why he's so fat.

- I'm gonna tell my dad on you.

- Just go ahead.

- Look, George, does
your mom ever take

you to the mall to see Santa?

- She took me last Christmas.

- Don't tell me you thought
that was the real Santa Claus?

- No, it was one of his helpers.

- Look, George, they're just
regular guys hired by the mall.

I'm older than you and
I know these things.

Well the school
bus is late again.

Oh yeah, I'm gonna walk home
through Hollywood today.

Do you guys wanna join me?

- I can't, I'm takin' the bus.

- I can't, my mom's taking
me to the mall to see Santa.

["Deck the Halls"]

- So we had a
really good summer.

It's just been a bit
slow through the fall.

- A bit slow, Sam?

You missed this
month's loan payment.

- I have the first half
of November's payment

and the rest will
be in in a few days.

Just a month behind.

- Appreciate the gesture, Sam,

but half a payment
doesn't cover what ya owe.

After discussing the matter
with my partners at the bank,

we've made a decision to
call in your bank loan.

- Call in?

What do you mean?

- It means we're gonna
close the restaurant.

We're gonna close
it this afternoon.

I want ya out of there today.

And if you're not,
well, I'm gonna send

Little Stevie over
here to pay a visit

and that will not be
a pleasant experience

for you, I guarantee it.

- We only just need
a bit more time.

- [Man with tie] You're
all out of time, Sam.

The bank has
repossessed the place.

- Can you at least wait
till after Christmas?

- Christmas, Christmas.

Christmas is just another
day, Sam, just like any other.

Now if you don't mind, I
need to get back to work.

- But I ...

- Out today, Sam.

Sam!

Have a great day.

[laughs]

[Christmas music]

- Here, Chester.

Okay, here.

Dad, why are you home so early?

Is there a problem
at the restaurant?

- Everything's fine.

Don't worry about that, okay?

- We'll talk about it later.

- Yeah, just go to
your room, okay?

- [Diana] Charlie!

Charlie, dinner!

- So, Charlie, how
was school today?

- George still believe in Santa
Claus so we made fun of him.

- Charlie, that's mean.

- Only babies believe
in Santa Claus.

- Are you just going
to let this go?

- Look, Charlie, it's not
nice to make fun of other kids

regardless of what they believe.

It's called bullying.

- But there isn't any Santa!

- You can't make fun of
somebody's beliefs, Charlie.

- Shut up, Diana, you're
not even my real mom.

- [Diana] Charlie!

- Go to your room.

- Diana's teriyaki chicken
is terrible anyway!

- I'm sorry.

[harp music]

Hey, buddy, you missed dessert.

It's your favorite,
strawberry ice cream.

'kay, more for me then.

- What happened at
the restaurant today?

- Remember when
I took out a loan

at the bank to open
up the restaurant?

- Yeah.

- [Sam] Well, when you take
out a loan from the bank,

you have to pay it back every
month or they can take away

the thing that you
got the loan for.

- Like the restaurant?

- Exactly like the restaurant.

I missed a month payment and
they took my restaurant away.

- Then you don't own
the restaurant anymore?

- No.

- What are you gonna
do for a job then?

- I don't know.

But we're gonna be okay, okay?

We're just gonna have to change

a few things for a little bit.

We're gonna have to have
a smaller Christmas,

and that means fewer
presents and things.

- Oh, okay.

- And if we're gonna
get through this,

we've got to come
together as a family,

and that means respecting
your new mother.

- She is not my mom!

My mom is gone.

- When someone dies, you
don't get to die too.

You have to move on.

- I miss her.

- [Sam] I miss her too.

And I love your new
mother very much.

- [Charlie] I don't.

- I don't expect you to, but I
do expect you to respect her.

- Okay, I'll apologize.

- [Sam] Good, that's very good.

But you were very mean to her

so you're gonna
have to be punished.

I know you have the next week
coming up off from school

because of Christmas, so
on Friday after school,

you're gonna go over
to your Uncle Bart's

house to help him clean it up.

- Dad, that's the day
before Christmas Eve!

- [Sam] Don't dad me.

I don't care if it's before
Christmas or after Christmas,

you're going over to
your Uncle Bart's house.

He needs help to clean it up.

- But Uncle Bart is weird,
grumpy, and smells funny.

- Your Uncle Bart is
getting a little older,

but respect means
respecting your uncle too.

Alright.

["God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen"]

[adventure music]

- Ooga, booga!
[Charlie screams]

That is how they say hello
in the Amazon jungle.

- You scared me.

- Scared you?

- That mask!

- A witch doctor
from the Kogi tribe

gave this to me as a gift.

I never thought of
it as being scary.

Aye, the winds whisper
that ya been a naughty lad.

- [Charlie] Yeah,
that's what my dad said.

- Then it must be
true, Master Charles.

This humble abode
is in desperate need

of a young man's ministrations.

- What?

- It's time to clean the house.

Don't touch that!

- Why not?

- Well, bad things could happen.

Or good things.

Or bad and good things.

- But it's just a watch.

- Aye, nothing is ever as
it seems, Master Charles.

Watches are not just watches

in the right hands
or the wrong hands.

Charles, don't
touch that either!

Never open strange
doors, laddie.

Ya never know where
they might lead.

Only open a door when you
know where you're goin'.

Do you know where you're goin'?

- No.

- Then step away from there.

- Then what am I supposed to do?

- Come on out back
to my little garden.

The fresh juice of a lemon

and fresh air will
brighten your day.

- And no Christmas presents.

That's what my dad said.

- Aye, these be tough
times for ya, laddie.

Tougher than any hurricane or
gale I've ever lived through.

Arr.

- I know, it's just I
just wish I could help.

- Like how?

- [Charlie] Like help my
dad get his restaurant back.

The bank took it away.

That means the bank can
give it back, right?

- Aye, banks are
never one to give back

once they have their
grip on what ya got.

That's why I keep me
pension in my sea chest

down in old Port Royal, Jamaica.

- My dad always said that he
thought you were a pirate.

Or you thought you were.

- Aye, there's no
thinking about it.

Either you arr or you arren't.

- That's a bad joke.

- Are we here to
swap tales, laddie?

Or are we here to
fix your problem?

- How are you gonna
fix my problem?

- I'm not, but I may know
someone who will for a price.

- Who?

- [Uncle Bart] His
name is old St. Nick.

- Santa Claus?

- Aye, yes, sir.

- Everyone knows that there's
no such thing as Santa Claus.

- What did you say?

- [Charlie] Santa
Claus is kid's stuff.

It's made up.

- Come with me.

[adventure music]

- What's this?

- Aye, this is my diary
from a perilous expedition

to the North Pole.

- Mom never said
anything about this.

- She never knew.

This expedition happened many
years before she was born.

- What happened?

- Arr, let's open
it and have a look.

- I can't read it.

- It's written in a
language called Low Elvish.

- What's that?

- Just the opposite
of High Elvish.

- And what's that?

- Well it's a special
language that's

spoken between
Santa and the elves.

One that even I have
difficulty with.

Let's go and turn the page
and see what's goin' on here.

I was on a journey
to prove or disprove

the existence of a certain man.

I journeyed far and encountered
many dangers along the way.

And I finally found him,
the jolly old elf himself.

- You found Santa Claus?

- [Uncle Bart] Aye, and
we became fast friends.

- [Charlie] My dad always said
that you were a little crazy.

- So ya think I'm crazy, do ya?

- More like a little different.

- Have ya written to Santa
about this problem of yours?

- What's the point?

- If ya write a letter to
Santa and explain your dilemma,

ya won't have to
sweep the floor.

- Really?

- Aye, here ya go.

- Dear Santa, the bank has
closed my dad's restaurant.

All I want for Christmas is

for my dad to get
his restaurant back.

- Love, Charlie.

There ya go.

- Hey!

- Well how else is it
supposed to get to Santa?

Hello, Sam.

No, no, no, Charlie's
being a good boy.

Turns out I'm gonna need him
for at least another day.

Aye, the brig is in shambles.

This place is a mess
and I thought that

him and I could do
a little bonding.

Don't worry, Sam, I'll have
him home in time for Christmas.

Oh yeah, and by the way,
throw him a change of clothing

in a duffel bag and send
it over later on tonight.

Aye, okay.

Have a nice night, bye bye.

[whimsical music]

- [Charlie] Uncle
Bart, Santa answered!

He might be real after all.

- Arr, I never doubted it, lad.

- But it's in that
weird language.

I couldn't really read it.

- Yeah, I can't
read Elvish either.

Here, hold this a minute.

Take the book and figure it out.

Let's go inside.

["God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen"]

It says here that
Santa has granted you

an audience to plead your case.

- So that means my dad will
get his restaurant back?

- Not exactly, but at least you

have the opportunity to ask him.

- Well, at least
I get to see him.

- The journey will be
difficult, Master Charles.

You face three challenges.

You must restore the Christmas
spirit in three people.

- Which three?

- He doesn't say.

He never says.

Ya got any ideas?

- Closing down our restaurant
right before Christmas

wasn't really a
Christmasy thing to do.

- Aye, I agree.

- What about that guy?

- I like it, an evil banker.

Capital idea.

- I bet if we go to the
bank we can find him.

- Classic idea.

Our quest begins!

Tally-h*!

- Are we driving the
van to see Santa?

- Nay, laddie.

If you accomplish your
mission, your task,

a very special
vessel will take you

to the North Pole
to see Santa Claus.

- You said we
needed three people.

- Aye, three to be precise.

- Hmm, so the banker is one.

We need to find two more.

- I figured after my
experience as a world

traveler explorer, that whenever
you embark up on a journey,

no matter how
perilous or how long,

everything eventually
falls into place, aye.

- You've done this before then?

- Aye, adventures,
quests, to save Christmas

or Easter or some such?

Aye, many times over
the years, laddie.

- You don't believe in
the Easter Bunny, do ya?

- Believe?

I've actually met the rascal.

- Come on.

- He's not the
little fuzzy, funny

little bunny you
might think he is.

He's more of a,
how should I say,

temperamental,
grouchy old rabbit.

Here, take it.

- What's this for?

- Arr, keep it
close to ya, laddie.

Ya just might need it, arr.

[engine starts]

["We Wish You a
Merry Christmas"]

Aye, we have a flat tire, lad.

I suspect treachery.

[weird noises]

- Who is in there?

Come on out and
I won't hurt you.

[screaming]

[screaming]

[magical music]

Pretty good gag, huh?

[Charlie screams]

Oh, oh, ah, ah, ah, oh, ah!

Stop, stop it, stop it!

- [Uncle Bart] Aye,
treachery, I knew it.

I knew it!

I've been expecting you, spirit.

- Expecting me?

You know who sent me?

And how many times
have I told you

I'm not a spirit, I'm an elf?

- [Uncle Bart] Well take
this can of inflator, elf.

Fix that tire and get
us back on the road!

Hurry up!

- So who are you and why were
you eating my peanut butter?

- [Elf] Because I was hungry.

Don't be a stupid plunker.

- Eric, language, watch it.

- What does plunker mean?

- Charlie, plunker's
a very, very

bad word where he comes from.

- I'm one of Santa's elves, see,

and I'm being punished
because last year I had

a little too much Christmas
cider, flew the sleigh right

into the House of
Parliament in London.

Not good.

Don't recommend it.

- So you speak Elvish?

- I do actually.

Well thank you very much.

♪ [lyrics] Here
comes Santa Claus,

♪ here comes Santa Claus,
right down Santa -- ♪

- Hey, he said Elvish.

- [Eric] Oh, sorry.

Thought you were
referring to the king

of rock and roll,
Elvish Presley.

But I do speak Elvish.

- So what's with the bathrobe,
flip flops, and shower cap?

- Well I was taking a
nice long shower, see,

singing some Christmas
carols, Santa pops in says,

"You got to go right
now and help the lad."

That's why I'm here.

You can imagine my surprise

when Santa jerked open
the shower curtain.

- [Uncle Bart] Master Charles
and I are here on a quest

to show three people
the spirit of Christmas

so Charles can see Santa.

- Yes, I know, because I was
sent to help you, remember?

Part of my punishment.

- Aye.

- So the guy who runs the bank

took my dad's restaurant away.

- Now he's a plunker
if I ever saw one.

- Eric, language, and I'm
not gonna tell you again.

- He hears worse in
school every day.

- I don't care.

- And the other two?

- We'll pick them up as
we go along the journey.

- Well I fear you'll
have no luck there

because the spirit
of Christmas is gone!

- [Charlie] You're awfully loud.

- Thank you.

I often do Shakespeare in
the park on my days off.

- So why do you say the
spirit of Christmas is gone?

- Well, with this.

Come on, I'll show ya.

["Oh Come All Ye Faithful"]

[Eric whistles "Jingle Bells"]

- [Uncle Bart] So do you
come here often, Eric?

- [mumbling]

- Are you boys all set?

What can I get for you?

- Aye, I'll have
a grog, my lady.

- You're cute.

- I'll have a Sprite.

- And I will have an appletini.

- Yeah, but what do
you want to drink?

- As I said, an appletini.

That's an apple
flavored martini.

- [Voiceover] Hey.

It takes a brave man to come
into my bar wearing a dress.

- It's a robe.

- [chuckles] Right.

And ordering an apple martini?

But customer's always right.

One apple martini.

Even if he is wearing a dress.

- I said robe.

- Thank you.

- [Uncle Bart] My.

- [Eric] Cheers, lads.

- Mmm.

- [Eric] Mmm.

Ooh, that's good.

- 'Course it is, I made it.

- Hey, mister, what's your name?

- [Bartender] My name?

Joe Vega.

You, kid, you can call me Joe.

What's your name?

- Charlie.

- Hello, Charlie.

- So what do you do exactly?

- Charlie, I'm the bartender.

I run a tight ship here.

I throw the bums out
when they misbehave.

Not a great job but it's a job.

How 'bout you, kid?

Where you headed?

- [Charlie] We're
on an adventure.

We're going to see Santa Claus.

- [Joe] Ah, 'kay.

Well you know what?

There's a mall
right up the street.

You'll find him there.

- No, the real one.

Those ones are fake ones.

We're gonna teach three people
the spirit of Christmas.

- Ah, yeah, yeah, great, great.

How 'bout you?

- [Uncle Bart] Aye,
I'm here to assist

Master Charles on his quest.

- [Joe] And you?

- I was also sent to assist.

And I like appletinis.

- Yeah.

- Boy, you are a
strange bunch of guys.

It takes all types I guess.

[Joe chuckles]

- [Charlie] So do
you believe in Santa?

- I don't want to hurt your
feelings kid, but nope.

- [Charlie] No, it's
okay, most grownups don't.

I'm not even sure I do.

- Well count me in
the majority then.

You know somethin', kid?

Christmas is just a day.

Just like any other day.

You need to learn that.

- You hate Christmas, don't ya?

- Yeah, with a passion.

I think it's time you guys left.

I'll pick up the tab.

You've been great entertainment.

See ya.

- You see, I was right.

Everybody hates Christmas.

- [Uncle Bart]
Aye, not everyone.

Gentlemen, I think it's
time we take our leave.

- It's alright.

- Hey, Charlie, hold on.

I want you to do
something for me.

I want you to take this
note to my daughter.

She works at a free
clinic in North Hollywood

between Burbank and
Victory Boulevard.

Her name is Charlotte.

Now, kid, you want
me to like Christmas?

Then do this for me.

- Come with us, you can
give it to her yourself.

- No, that's not
a very good idea.

- [Uncle Bart] I don't really
think it's a good idea either.

I think it's a capital idea!

- Come with us,
we could help you.

- Charlie, why?

Why is this so important to you?

- [Charlie] Because I gotta
save Christmas for my family

and the only way
I can do that is

by teaching three people
the spirit of Christmas.

- That's insane.

- So?

Just come with us.

- Come on.

- Ahh, alright, alright,
I'll come, alright.

Just give me a second.

You're gonna give her that.

Hey, babe.

Cover my shift for me?

I've got some stuff I gotta do.

- Yeah, I'll get right on that.

- Alright, let's go.

- [Uncle Bart] Come
on, let's do it.

[engine not starting]

- Give me a moment, lads,

I think I've got this
problem figured out.

- Great mode of
transportation, eh?

Almost as bad as that
old sleigh of Santa's.

- So what are you, man?

Hmm?

An angel?

- I am an elf of
Christmas present.

Angels are completely
different really.

They can be quite
stuck-up and snobbish.

- [Charlie] So why did
your family leave you?

- I've done some things
I'm not proud of, kid.

Used to be in a g*ng.

We stole cars.

- That's not nice.

- [Joe] No, it's not,
but I did it anyway

because I didn't have any
other way of making money.

Wasn't too good at it though.

- You got caught?

- [Joe] Oh yeah.

I got caught and they
sent me to the state pen.

- They sent you a pen?

- No, kid, the pen.

Prison.

I was sent to
prison for 10 years.

They released me
on Christmas Eve.

By then my wife was gone.

She sent me a Dear John letter.

[engine not starting]

We got divorced when
I was still in prison.

I thought I'd still have my
daughter but she was gone too.

I looked for her and the
one time I found her,

she told me she didn't want to
have anything to do with me.

- [Charlie] I don't really
think she meant that.

I get mad at my dad sometimes.

Once I even told
him I hated him.

I didn't really mean that.

- Right, Charlie.

You know sometimes it just
doesn't work that way, kid.

That's my story.

- Avast, I think I've solved it.

We're off!

- [Eric] [mumbling]

[engine starting]

- [Charlie] What's
your daughter's name?

- [Joe] Charlotte.

Hi.

- Name?

- Charlie.

- Last name?

- We don't actually
have an appointment.

- Fill this out.

- We're here to
talk to Charlotte.

- [Secretary] Doctor Vega?

- Doctor?

- [Secretary] She's very busy.

There's no personal visits
during clinic hours.

- But it's important.

- No, it's okay.

- No it's not.

My tummy hurts and
Charlotte is the only

doctor that can make it better.

- [Secretary] Look, I'm sorry.

- No, my tummy
hurts and Charlotte

is the only doctor that
can make it better!

- Charlie, it's okay.

We'll come back later.
- [Charlie] No, my tummy!

- Okay!

Settle down.

Just come with me.

- [Joe] That was
pretty good, kid.

You ought to be an
actor when you grow up.

- Hi, Charlie.

I'm Charlotte.

It says here that
your tummy hurts.

- Nah, that's what
grownups call a ruse.

I came to give you this.

- I don't understand.

- Hi, Charlotte.

- How dare you come in here?

- I just want to talk.

- Get out!

- [Joe] Look, I
needed to see you.

I don't know what to say.

- I do.

You can take your son
and you can get out!

- He's not my son.

I just picked him
up off the street.

- You just grabbed some
child off the street?

- Please listen.

- No, no!

Get out!

Go!

- Charlotte.

- Get out.

You go.

[Charlotte sobs]

- Aye, the sassiest
winter I ever knew

was in the island of
Curacao in the Caribbean.

I mean the sassiest by far.

- Bart, have you
heard the phrase,

"Christmas comes
but once a year"?

- Aye.

- You know what else
comes but once a year?

- Nay.

- Talk like pirate day.

- Arr, that's every
day for me, laddie.

Arr.

[Uncle Bart and Eric laugh]

How did it go and
where's Master Charles?

- It didn't go too good.

Charlie's still inside.

You.

I need you to do me a favor.

If you go back in there,
give this to my girl.

Hmm?

Please?

And, dude, lose the dress.

It's confusing!

- Well you're no
fashion statement!

[sigh]

- What?

- What are you eating?

- It's called a glue stick

or goo stick or
somethin' like that.

It's got a perfect blend
of electrolytes, sugars.

It's for marathons
and stuff like that.

Really good.

- Murphy, we're in a
car, not in a marathon.

- Yeah, so what?

- So you haven't run a
half a mile in four years.

[Murphy chuckles]

- But come on, Ed, I can't
let my electrolytes drop.

- Or what's gonna happen?

- You want to get into
what's gonna happen?

Trust me, I let my electrolytes
drop, it ain't pretty, man.

I'm tellin' ya it ain't pretty.

I need my electrolytes.

- Or what, you're gonna explode?

- Look over there.

That does not look like
your average citizen.

- Well I'll be, I
don't believe it.

- You know him?

- Yep, stop him.

- Stop right there, convict.

- I'm just walkin'.

- [Murphy] It's okay.

- I'm just walking.

- [mumbling] up
against the wall.

- I'm not doing anything.

- Remember me, stranger?

- [Murphy] Come on.

- [Ed] How ya doin', huh?

Get against the wall.

- I'm walking.

I'm just walking.

- [Ed] Yeah, whatever.

Your parole officer
and I told ya

never come to this side
of town ever again.

And we both told ya your
privileges were revoked.

- I did something
stupid, alright?

- [Ed] Yeah.
- [Joe] I'm sorry.

- Yeah.

- I'm sorry.

- [Ed] Yeah.

Remember that loser
I told you about?

That car thief?

- You mean the one that
landed with [mumbling]'s g*ng

and jumped over to
Joe and that bunch?

- Uh huh.

- Oh yeah.

- This is him.

Joe Vega.

There wasn't a car that was
safe when he was around.

This is Aaron Murphy.

I knew his face in a [mumbling].

- [Murphy] How ya doin', Vega?

- Yo.

- Turn around again, man.

You're under arrest.

- Aw, come on, man, no!

- Disorderly conduct,
vandalism ...

I don't know, resisting arrest?

What do you think?

- No, I like the
[mumbling] myself.

Come on, buddy,
we're goin' back.

The guys at pen miss ya.

Come on, come on.

In ya go, partner.

Duck your head.

That's Joe Vega.

Joe Vega, huh?

- [Ed] Good day.

[engine starts]

- Remember why
you're here, Eric.

To help that boy.

- Alright.

[boom]

- Aye, he's finally getting
the hang of that trick.

[sad music]

[Charlotte sobs]

- Please don't cry.

Please.

- What did he do to you?

- He didn't do anything to me.

I did it.

- No you didn't.

This is his fault.

It's always been his fault.

- [Charlie] Not this time.

I told him to come.

- What?

- [Eric] Who wants
some medicine?

Who wants some piller willy?

- I didn't order any --

- Stop.

Give her this and tell
her it's from her father.

- [Charlie] But --

- That's all you have
to do, lad, alright?

- Okay.

- Two snaps up.

[magic chimes]

- Medication.

Where did that nurse go?

- What nurse?

Your father wanted you
to have this, that's all.

He loves you and misses
you very, very, very much.

[magic chimes]

- I can't believe you
lost another job, Joe.

- What, you want me to leave?

You asked me to go straight
so I went straight.

It's not my fault that nobody
wants to hire an ex-con.

- How ya gonna explain
that to your daughter, Joe?

It's Christmas Eve.

Look under the
Christmas tree, Joe.

There isn't a single present
under the Christmas tree.

- I know that, I know that.

I'm well aware of that!

- What are you gonna tell her?

That her bum of a dad
couldn't hold a real job?

- That's great, great.

- Mommy and daddy,
why are you fighting?

- We're not fighting, okay?

- Mmhmm.

- And you have to
go back to bed.

- Has Santa come yet?

- Not yet, but he will.

He's on his way, but you
have to be asleep, okay?

Now you gotta go back to bed.

- [Young Charlotte] I
got this for you, daddy.

- It's beautiful, sweetheart.

Just like you.

- I love you.

Merry Christmas.

- Merry Christmas.

Now back to bed, 'kay?

Come on.

- Merry Christmas, mommy.

- [mumbling] Merry Christmas.

Good job.

I'll be back.

[dramatic music]

- [Ed] Halt!

Police!

Freeze!

Hands against the wall!

Hands against the wall!

Vega?

Stealing toys?

That's another
strike against ya.

You're not too smart, are ya?

- Come on, man.

Just let me take
the toys to my kid.

- [Ed] Should've thought
about that sooner.

It's not my problem.

Officer Railsback
requests assistance.

14310 Chandler.

Toys World, rear entrance.

Over.

- [Voiceover] [mumbling] backup

comin' to ya in just a moment.

- Do that again.

Roger that.

Let's go.

Move it.

[knocking]

[knocking]

- Not again.

- Afraid so.

He got caught busting
into a toy store.

He's going to be going away

for some time, third
offense and all.

- Well, he's a worthless
human being, so ...

What are you doing here?

Do you want to search the place?

- No.

Listen, I shouldn't
be doing this,

but he wanted to make
sure his daughter

got a present this
year for Christmas.

Don't worry, I covered the bill.

He can work it off as a
trustee in the county jail.

Merry Christmas.

[sad music]

- Merry Christmas.

- But where's daddy?

- Your daddy's gone and he
ain't never comin' back.

[magic chimes]

[Eric whistling "Jingle Bells"]

- Where is my dad?

I need to talk to him.

- See, I told you young Charlie
could handle this situation.

- Yeah and I had absolutely
nothing to do with that.

- Where is Joe?

- [Uncle Bart] I
saw him wander off

there a little while ago.

Looked like a man with the
wind taken out of his sails.

- Uh oh.

- [Charlotte] Really?

I can't believe this.

- He didn't do anything
bad, I know he didn't.

- Okay, maybe not.

- [Uncle Bart] Alright
everybody in the van.

Let's follow him.

- Follow a cop?

That'd be fun.

- [Uncle Bart]
Everybody in the van.

You two and you, bonehead,
change into something

that's not gonna
get us all arrested.

[boing]

Is this the very best you got?

- Well with a few variations

it's the extent of
my wardrobe really.

- Arr.

- I can't just leave work.

- [Uncle Bart] Call in sick!

- Hehe.

- Whatever.

- What can I do for ya?

- [Charlotte] We're here
to see Officer Railsback.

- Lieutenant!

- [Ed] Yeah, yeah.

- Charlotte, nice to see you.

- I'd like to talk to Joe Vega.

My father.

- He's locked up in
the interrogation room.

I can let two of
you in at a time

and you only get five minutes.

Okay?

Brady, escort them in.

- [Brady] On it.

- I wish you hadn't come here.

I never wanted you
to see me like this.

- Well, lad, wish as
you may, here ya be.

The question is
how did you end up

in this filthy brig anyway?

Were ya pillagin'?

- Uh-uh, uh-uh.

Railsback.

- [Uncle Bart] Aye.

- He saw me walkin' where

I wasn't supposed to
be and he arrested me.

- Well can't we raise some
money and bail you out of here?

- Come on, Bart, I'm on parole.

Being on parole means no bail.

- Ah.

- Which means you
can get sent back

to prison for doing
just about anything.

- That's right.

- [Charlotte] Even if
it's a made up excuse.

- [Uncle Bart]
Wow, I didn't know.

- [Charlotte] I just
don't understand

why Eddie would do this.

- Come on, Charlotte.

Why don't you ask Eddie?

- You know this swab?

- [Joe] Yeah we know him.

When Charlotte's
mother and I broke up,

Eddie Railsback dated
her for a while, alright?

It didn't go too well.

He still blames me
for that somehow.

- You need to let
my friend go now.

- Kid is cute, right?

- That kid's so cute he
should do late night standup.

- Kid, your friend is
a dangerous criminal

who deserves to be locked up.

- But he didn't
do anything wrong.

- Trust me, kid.

Before your friend
was a bartender

he did a lot of things wrong.

- Yeah, and you sir,
what are you doin'

hangin' around with
known criminals?

Especially with a kid?

- [Eric] Hey!

We're just tryin'
to show the boy

a little bit of the
world, that's all.

- Well I think he's seen
enough of the world.

I think it's time
to take him back.

And by the way, strange outfit.

- Yeah, what are
you some kind of

musician or actor or somethin'?

[Eric giggles]

- Somethin' like that.

Shakespeare in the park.

Maybe you've seen me?

- [Eddie] No.
- [Murphy] No.

- I can't go back now.

I need to save my
dad's restaurant.

- Hush, Charlie.

I think it's time
for us to go, lad.

- What a bunch of monkeys.

- No kiddin'.

- What do we do now, Uncle Bart?

- Aye, I don't know,
Master Charles.

Perhaps we should've gone
to that evil banker first.

And you, elf!

You knew better.

You knew this was
going to happen.

- I had no idea.

I'm just an elf.

I don't have a crystal ball.

- Ah, but you knew about it
and you ran with it anyway.

And furthermore --

- No, no, no, no, noooooo!

- Uh.

[Eric chuckles]

- Why do you have
to do this to him?

- I didn't do
anything, Charlotte.

He did it all.

- [Charlotte] Years ago.

- Then why did I
arrest him today, huh?

- Because you can't let go.

You keep dogging
him about the past.

- He wasn't there
for you and he wasn't

there for your mother
either if I remember.

- My mom was an
alcoholic who left you.

Both of you.

- [Eddie] Whose fault was that?

Who turned her into it?

- You're impossible,
ya know that?

- Think I could get her number?

- Shut up, Murphy.

- Gotcha.

- You have no idea!

No idea at all what
you're talkin' about!

- [Uncle Bart] Ah,
you're still peeved about

that pirate festival at Anna
Maria Island, Florida, ain't ya?

- Hello.

- That man, he's impossible.

- What do we do now?

We need to help Joe.

He's one of the people
we need to help.

Eric, you're magic.

Do something!

- You're magic?

- Well yeah.

Well no, not precisely.

I mean your chances of
winning the lottery will not

greatly improve by rubbin'
my head or anything, but --

- But you can do things, right?

- Some things I can do, yeah.

- I have an idea.

- I had one of those once.

- [Uncle Bart] Yeah.

[Christmas music]

[knock on door]

- Come on in, it's open!

- Santa Claus pizza
delivery, sir.

That will be $20.

- [Eddie] I didn't
order any pizza.

Listen, I'm kinda hungry.

Here, I'll save ya a trip.

- Well maybe you don't
need that wallet, sir.

You see this is our special
Christmas magical pizza.

One bite and if it's
not the best pizza

you've ever had, it's free.

- Free?

- [Eric] Free.

Not even one penny.

- This is a joke, right?

- [Eric] Oh no jokes here.

Not even a little one.

- Well 20 bucks is 20 bucks.

This better be good.

Mmm.

Ya know ...

- [Charlie] Wow!

What did you do to him?

- He was very,
very bad this year.

Don't worry, lad, he's fine.

He'll be fine when he wakes up.

Now where is your Uncle
Bart and Charlotte?

- They just dropped me off

and said they're
going to the jail.

- Oh.

We won't touch the
pizza, right, Charlie?

Not a good idea, lad.

- What do we do now?

Grab his keys and
break Joe out of jail?

- No.

Much too melodramatic.

Instead, do this.

[magic chimes]

Put this together.

- Okay.

- And while I'm at it ...

[magic chimes]

Hmm, tell ya what,
stay right here.

I'll be back in a bit.

[magic chimes]

[toy train]

[Eddie laughing]

- I always wanted one of
these when I was a kid.

How'd you get in here?

- I had help from
a Christmas elf.

- Kid, that's crazy.

- Christmas isn't crazy.

It's about giving.

And I think you deserve this.

- I don't remember --

- [Charlie] You're a policeman.

You helped lots of people.

I don't really know
if you're a good boy,

but you're a good man.

- What is this?

I don't understand.

- Magic in the
spirit of Christmas.

- I don't believe in magic, kid.

And I don't believe
in Christmas.

[magic chimes]

- Hello, gov!

[Eddie screams]

- What do you want?

Aren't you the pizza guy?

- Firstly, don't ever
call me a pizza guy again.

I'm an elf, plucker.

[magic chimes]

[Eddie screams]

- Stop it!

- Secondly, I don't
want anything.

Elves don't really want.

Except peanut butter.

Might you have some?

The occasional rock
and roll concert seat,

front row of course, but in
general we don't want anything.

Although, have you
tried an appletini?

- We just want you to
believe in Christmas.

- I believe.

I believe.

[Eddie laughs]

I believe.

- And a boy came to bestow
the spirit of Christmas

on three people and he
couldn't have done it

without yours truly,
Eric, who is awesome!

♪ [lyrics] Jingle bells,
Jingle bells, Jingle all ♪

- Phone, Eric.

- Oh, right, sorry.

Now let my people go!

- He thinks he's a great actor.

- [Eric] I heard that.

- [Charlie] Now let my
friend go now, please.

Let him believe in the
spirit of Christmas too.

Otherwise, I don't
get to see Santa.

- Sure, kid.

[phone ringing]

- Police department,
Detective Murphy speaking.

- Murph, it's Railsback.

- [Murphy] Yeah.

- I'm droppin' the
charges against Joe Vega.

Do me a favor, void the
arrest and release him.

- Are you sure?

- I can take that
train back ya know.

- Yes, I'm sure.

- [Murphy] Alright.

Oprah's skinny again.

Huh.

- Alright, boys.

- Well, we're done here.

Come along, Charlie.

Stop.

- Wow, what did you do to him?

- Well, he'll be fine.

He might be a little
irritable when he wakes up,

but all in all
he's gonna be fine.

Well it's time for us to
make our grand exit, lad.

- Are you gonna snap your
fingers and make us disappear?

- No, we're just
gonna use the door.

- [Charlie] Oh.

- [Eric] Oh, I almost forgot.

[snap]

- Holy moly.

- You know that Charlie
is some great kid.

- Yeah, I agree.

He sure made a Christmas
believer out of me.

So why did you come back?

- I suppose this is what
started it all, daddy.

- Hmm, daddy.

- You know you never told me why

it was you got arrested
when I was little.

- Well, I was really
broke back then

and I got arrested
stealing toys.

I was just tryin' to do
right for my baby girl

for Christmas, but it was dumb.

- It was.

You didn't need to do that.

- Have you ever tried to
explain to a little girl

why Santa Claus
forgot about her?

- Every day.

I'm a doctor.

But mostly I feel
like a social worker.

- Yeah.

But you are a doctor
and I'm so proud of you.

How you came from
me I don't know.

- It's not that big
of a mystery, dad.

You always try to
do the right thing.

You know, even if you go
about it the wrong way.

[Joe chuckles]

- Yeah.

- Why don't you spend Christmas
Eve with me this year?

- Christmas?

That's for family.

And I haven't had
one for a long time.

- Well you have one now.

- [Eric] [mumbling] has a
lot of class, doesn't he?

- Aye.

Unfortunately, it's all low.

[Eric chuckles]

- I don't know if I can
convince him of anything.

- [Eric] Yeah, he's definitely
a 10 on the Scrooge scale.

- [Uncle Bart] Aye.

- [Charlie] There's a scale?

- Oh yeah.

We started it after the
Grinch stole Christmas.

- There's a Grinch?

- Oh yeah, and that bad boy?

He's only an eight on the scale.

- Aye.

- So how can I convince him?

- You take this
magic watch, you go

into his office and
you open it like this.

["Jingle Bells"]

And then you yell,
"You're a big meanie!"

- That sounds dumb.

- Actually he's right, it does.

- Well, here, go!

- We're gonna need to clean
the books up a bit, Sandra,

before they tear down
that restaurant Sam Lee's.

- I don't like this, Oliver.

It's ill*gal.

We shouldn't foreclose on
a property after a month.

He only missed one payment.

- I've dealt with hundreds
of Sam Lees in my day.

We did what we had to do.

Now we can build that
strip mall in its place.

[phone rings]

- This is the last time
I'm doing this, Oliver!

- [Oliver] Yes, foreclose
on them as well.

You get behind on a
payment, bam, we own it.

Period.

[Oliver laughs]

- Hey, you can't go in there!

Hey!

- Hold on a second.

The heck you doin' in here, kid?

- You're a big meanie!

["Jingle Bells"]

[suspenseful music]

[scream]

[scream]

- Hello?

Hello?

Operator?

Operator?

This is Oliver Bates,
I'm the president

of First National
Bank of Hollywood.

I need you to put me
through to my secretary.

Look, I don't know how I got
here or where I am right now,

but I am the
president of the bank.

Well can you just put
me through please?

I don't have a quarter.

Hey, lady.

[scream]

Lady.

I'm lost.

[scream]

I don't where I am.

Think you could help me please?

Huh?

Think you could help me out?

Sandra?

[evil laugh]

Little Stevie, is that you?

Hey, come here a second.

I need some help, buddy.

[scream]

[creepy laugh]

[scream]

[whistling "Jingle Bells"]

- Hello.

What you runnin' for?

- Who are you?

What are you?

- I am the elf of
Christmas present.

- What have you done to me?

- [Eric] Oh, mate, I've
done nothin' to you.

What you've done you've
done all by yourself.

- Give me my life back.

Please.

Please.

- If I was to grant your wish,

how do I know you would change?

- I will, I'll change.

- [Eric] And?

- And I will stop being ...

- [Eric] Have you
forgotten already?

- No, no, no.

I'll stop being a meanie.

- I can come back here ya know.

- [Oliver] Oh I know.

You won't need to, I swear it.

- Do you give me your word?

- You have it, sir.

I swear it.

- Okay [chuckles].

[magic chimes]

- Charlie.

I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry.

- So can my dad get
his restaurant back?

- Sandra, get me those files

for Sam Lee's restaurant
that we foreclosed on.

I changed my mind.

- [Charlie] Yes!

- Don't say anything about
this to your father, okay?

Let this be my surprise
for Christmas, alright?

- Yes, sir.

- Alright, fine, Charlie.

I have to admit you've
proved me wrong.

- Aye, it takes the
magic of a young boy

who believes to remind them.

I'd like my watch
back now please.

- Oh yeah.

- And now there
are three who know

from a little boy about
the spirit of Christmas.

Well I guess it's
your show now, right?

- Aye.

- Goodbye, Charlie.

It's my time to go.

And you are a fine boy and
I've enjoyed helping you,

but I've got to get
back to the North Pole

and help Santa 'cause
Christmas is almost here.

So Uncle Bart will take ya
the rest of the way, alright?

Uncle Bart, you take
care of my boy now.

- Aye, you bet I will.

I'll see ya when I see ya, elf.

Merry Christmas.

- And Merry
Christmas to ya both.

Oh and put me in
a good word for me

to Santa when ya
see him, alright?

So long!

[boink]

- [Uncle Bart] Let's go while

we still have a
little light left.

Come along.

- Uncle Bart, this
is your house.

What are we doing back here?

- Aye, like I've
told ya, laddie,

nothing is ever
quite as it seems.

Ever.

Come on, come with me.

Remember the door, Charlie?

You remember what I
told ya about that door?

- [Charlie] Never walk
through a door unless

you know where you're goin'.

- Well do ya know where
you're goin', lad?

- To the North Pole
to see Santa Claus!

- Well then open that door
and I'll be right behind ya.

Go on, 'cause on the other
side of that door is Black Bart

and your ticket
to the North Pole.

Here put these on.

It's gonna be cold
where you're goin', lad.

- So Black Bart, the pirate guy?

- One and the same, laddie.

- But isn't he a thieving,
pillaging, horrible pirate?

- Used to be and then he died.

But it seems that dyin'
can soften up a man a bit.

- So Black Bart the pirate
is bringin' us to see Santa?

- Yes he is, Master Charles.

It's the only way to get there.

- But why him?

- 'Cause old Black Bart decided
to spend his spirit days

teaching people about
the wonders of Christmas.

- I'm kind of
scared, Uncle Bart.

[magic chimes]

Uncle Bart?

Uncle Bart?

- [Uncle Bart] Go through
the door now, Charles.

Go!

[Egyptian music]

Ahoy, Master Charles!

- [Charlie] Uncle Bart!

- Welcome aboard, laddie.

- Wow.

[adventure music]

- [Uncle Bart] Are ya
ready for an adventure?

Aye, you wanna see Santa Claus?

Well tally-h*, lad!

Avast, Master Charlie!

Hang on, laddie!

Here we go!

- We're flying, Uncle Bart!

We're flying!

[Uncle Bart laughs]

- Look down, Master Charlie!

- [Charlie] It's
beautiful, Uncle Bart!

- Aye, laddie, have you ever
seen color like that thar?

- How are we doing
this, Uncle Bart?

- It's magic, laddie!

Magic!

Come on back here,
Master Charles.

Come around here.

I'm gonna let ya
steer the ship, huh.

- Really?

- Aye!

Come in here.

There ya go.

Now straight and true,
straight and true.

There ya go.

Good job.

I'm gonna make a
sailor out of ya yet.

- Look, Uncle Bart!

[Uncle Bart laughs]

- Look down there,
Master Charles.

Give me back the wheel, laddie.

We're gettin' ready to go down.

'Tis as far as I
go, Master Charles.

What lies behind that door
is for you and you only.

- Thank you so much, Uncle,
I mean, Mr. Black Bart.

- Don't thank me, son.

It was because you
believed that it happened,

you made this happen.

Now, you need to get
goin' 'cause Santa

is not a man to be kept waiting.

Go.

["Jingle Bells"]

[Santa chuckles]

[knocking]

- Oh, come in, Charlie,
I've been waitin' for ya.

Come on over here.

Have a seat by the fire.

How about a nice
Christmas apple?

h* h* h* h* h*!

- I finally know you're real!

- Charlie, as long as there
are good boys and girls,

I'll always be real.

You've come a long
way, young man.

- Santa, I need your help.

If I hadn't come, I
would've missed Christmas.

But if you can't help
me, I'd still [mumbling].

- I see.

But there's only so
much that I can do.

- So you can't help me?

- I didn't say that.

Charlie, close your eyes
and hold out your hand.

Now open them up.

- I want this very, very much

but this is not what I came for.

- Well what then?

- I want for my new mother
and father to be happy

and I want for my father
to get his restaurant back.

- Congratulations,
Charlie, you passed.

- Passed?

- [Santa] Charlie,
you understand that
Christmas is about

giving to others and
making them happy.

But I'm sorry, I
can't grant your wish.

- Why not?

- Because you've already
done it yourself.

[Santa chuckles]

- I don't really understand.

- Well then go ahead and
take a look right here,

but do it now 'cause
I've got to get ready

to get into my
sleigh and fly away.

After all, it is Christmas Eve

and I've got lots of work to do.

- [Charlie] Oh yeah, by the way,

Eric your elf did a great job.

I just wanted you to know that.

- [Santa] h* h* h* h*!

[magic chimes]

- Merry Christmas, Charlie.

- How was your weekend?

- He's real!

Santa's really real!

- You're right, son.

- What do you mean?

- Come and see.

It's a miracle.

- Yeah.

[Christmas music]

- I guess so, huh?

- [Charlie] Joe, Charlotte!

- [Joe] Hey, Charlie.
- Charlie!

- Come on over here.

- Wow, what a tree!

- And where there's a tree ...

- There are presents.

And this one is for you.

Uh uh uh uh uh.

I can't tell you
what's in there,

but it has rockets that fire.

- [Eddie] Hey, hey,
hey, no opening presents

until Christmas dinner.

- Isn't it wonderful, Charlie?

- And it's all because of you.

- Me?

- [Joe] That's right, Charlie.

You reminded us of what
Christmas is really about.

- [Eddie] You saved
our Christmas, Charlie.

- So it's only fair
that we save yours.

- h* h* h*, Merry Christmas!

[mumbling], guess who?

- [Charlie] Aunt Ting!

I missed you so much!

- I missed you too, Charlie.

[knock at door]

- [Oliver] Hey, Charlie,
Merry Christmas.

Hey, Sam.

Diane.

- What are you doin' here?

- [Oliver] Well, that
whole restaurant thing,

that's my fault.

I have had quite an experience,
an awakening you might say.

I've done a lot of bad
things for money and power

but I decided that
starting today

I needed to make
those things right.

So [chuckles] I've
arranged with the bank

to give ya a new loan
to save your business

and get ya caught up
on your back payment.

You can be opened back up again
in time for New Year's Eve.

- [Sam] I don't
know what to say.

- I do.

Let's eat!

[everyone laughs]

- You got my vote on that.

- Oh and by the way ...

- Yeah?

- Please, call me Oliver.

- Right, Oliver, please
come sit down and join us.

- Little Stevie, come on.

I know how much you
love homemade dressing.

[knock at door]

- [Uncle Bart] Arr!

- [Charlie] Uncle Bart!

- Merry Christmas, lad.

Here's a little gift from Santa

and the elves from
the North Pole.

- Thank you so very much.

- No, no, son, don't
thank me, thank yourself.

You did it on your own, laddie.

Beautiful.

- So did you bring
Eric with you?

- [Uncle Bart] Nay, laddie,
he's somewhere over China

with Santa delivering
gifts to all

the little Chinese
boys and girls.

But if you're a good boy, you
will see him again next year.

["Hark the Herald Angels Sing"]

- Wow, this is the
best Christmas ever!

I believe in Santa
Claus, I really do!

- Well I hope you still
believe in him next year.

- Don't worry, I will.

Merry Christmas to one and all!

- [everyone] Merry Christmas!

- Hey, everyone, let's sing!

♪ [lyrics] We wish
you a Merry Christmas,

♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas,

♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas,

♪ and a Happy New Year

♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas,

♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas,

♪ We wish you a Merry Christmas,

♪ and a Happy New Year

["We Wish You a
Merry Christmas"]

["Jingle Bell Rock"]

["Deck the Halls"]

["Hark the Herald Angels Sing"]