[upbeat music plays]
Beth, I thought you were
practicing at the Lawrence's.
And you're the realtor
whose SUV is blocking
the driveway?
Um, I could get you a better
price if the windows
weren't so... old.
- And the insulation...
- Otherwise known as sweaters.
- She's funny, your mom.
- Yes, she is. Hilarious.
- Have you had the
electrical updated?
- Mm...
And the pipes?
Do not dial that phone.
Oh, no. No!
What? Oh, oh!
- Jo.
- Wait, wait, wait.
Holding thought.
You forgot your phone again.
What? How did you know?
Because your
sister just texted me.
God. Thank you.
Hey. Tell me she hasn't
signed anything
or I'm going to punch that
realtor person in the face.
If you're going
to carry three phones,
maybe one should be yours.
I shouldn't have
even said anything.
I cannot believe she's seriously
going to sell Orchard House.
Dry rot.
Or carpenter ants.
Or both.
- Very loud carpenter ants.
- [footsteps]
- It's not for sale.
- Your days are numbered.
You said don't dial.
You didn't say
anything about texting.
Lawyer. Writer. Artist.
Well, I'm right, aren't I?
I know people.
Law student,
ghost tweeter, lost soul.
Oh, well, see,
that's a mother's love talking.
- There's no way you're...
- You can't sell the house.
Girls, your father and I
were going to break it to you
when we got back
from Afghanistan. Gently.
- [all shouting]
- Girls!
Whoa, that's impressive.
You should bottle that.
Call me when you're ready.
[sighs] All right, sad faces.
Who wants to help me pack?
- Are you insane?
- You just can't!
- Just because the house
needs a little fixing up...
- It's more than that, Jo.
The electrical goes on and off
at will, the plumbing leaks,
there's literally an arctic
breeze blowing through
this house all winter.
You always said that
the cold keeps you young.
Yes, well, that's
before I got old...
and your father was injured.
Your father needs
to focus on his recovery,
not spend all his time
fixing leaky pipes.
- You said that Dad was
going to be fine.
- He will be.
He just can't be the
family handyman anymore.
[sighs] I can see you guys
are gonna be a lot of help.
Look, girls, we just
can't keep putting money
into this house.
We can't afford it.
We need something smaller.
A two-bedroom condo
with reliable heat.
Two bedrooms?
What about us?
[chuckles] You didn't think
you were gonna live here
forever, did you?
[Margaret laughs]
Meg will ace the bar and get
a great job at a big firm.
- We don't know that, Mom.
- And Jo will win fame
and fortune with her writing.
I don't know if what
I do qualifies as writing.
And Amy will hit her expiration
date with this theater thing
and leave again for some
far-off corner of the earth.
Ouch.
Your father's and my future
is going to be that
of empty-nesters
in a smaller,
easier to maintain nest.
Beth... will figure out
what Beth wants.
I want you
to keep Orchard House.
All right, we'll talk about this
when we get back in January.
- Excuse me, when?
- You're missing Christmas?
This year I leave Christmas
and Orchard House to you.
- We can't do Christmas
without you!
- Girls, girls!
[sighs]
You are not little girls
anymore, you are
little women now.
I'm only gonna
be gone for two months.
What could possibly go wrong?
[rock music plays]
[indistinct chatter]
[muffled music continues]
Hey, hey! [laughs]
It's your party!
Why aren't you partying?
You... Wow, you look amazing.
- Anachronistic, but amazing.
- Anachro-mazing. I like that.
- What is this
Is that your app?
- Uh... No, that's nothing.
- No, let me see!
- It's not, no...
You said you'd let me see it
when you launched it!
- Come on, please! Please!
- No!
- It's porn, isn't it?
- Yes, it's porn.
Oh, my God! I wanna see it!
Let me see!
Christmas countdown?
Teddy Goldenboy Lawrence!
I told you,
it's not finished.
- Oh! It's... cute.
- Shut up.
[laughs] So, what are you
gonna do? Get dressed.
Put on a costume.
You can't go as yourself...
rich and useless.
- Oh! Hey!
- Here you go.
- Let's party.
- Oh! Oh, my God! Wow.
- [music plays]
- [indistinct chatter]
- Hi, guys!
- What's the
thread count, Adonis?
You really did a number on these
decorations this year, Chicklet.
Teddy, I'm too old
to be called Chicklet.
I'm sorry, every time
I see your face,
I see that snaggle-toothed
- little girl I grew up with.
- Oh, my gosh!
Wait a minute. Teddy.
You know what you
should do with that app?
You should, um, link it to
a charity, like Toys for Tots.
- Make it a "be Santa" app.
- [chuckles]
- That's genius.
Why didn't I think of that?
- Because I thought of that.
Why don't I get you a drink
to celebrate your brilliance.
- Teddy, get me a drink.
- That would be
corrupting a minor.
- Feel free.
- Amy.
Oh! Hello!
Why am I looking at Meg
making out with d*uche Bag Dan?
- Because, uh, John is here.
- You didn't.
What? The guy leaves January 1st
to go teach little kids
in an impoverished country.
What am I supposed to do? Let
him spend the holidays alone?
I don't want to go
through that again.
Neither do you.
- No, we don't.
- Love makes people stupid.
You cannot judge love unless
you've been in love,
which you,
Jo March, have never been.
Yeah, and I never will be.
Not until I'm published
and incredibly successful.
Uh, you are published.
Just not as yourself.
- [man] Hail Caesar! Oh...
- Hi!
- Hey! What's up?
- John! Wow!
Nice, nice costume.
You look, uh, like a UPS man.
- [laughter]
- How have you been? Good?
John, you knew if you were
staying here you were gonna
- run into Meg
sooner or later, right?
- I knew.
Look, I wasn't the biggest fan
of you and Meg together,
but I can't stand
this guy with her,
so let's get smashed
and dull our shared pain.
- Lead the way.
- I will. It's right over here.
This way.
Excuse me, my dear fellow,
I seemed to have lost
my favorite clown.
Ah! There she is.
Come on, you're not gonna
go all chaperone-y on me,
are you, Mr. L?
Elementary, my dear Amy.
Elementary.
You can hide at our house
and hand out candy with Beth
- until Dan goes.
- I'm good. I'm fine.
Band-Aid ripped.
I'm so ripped...
Excellent.
Mm! That's not punch.
- Oh, the tragedy of youth.
- Hey...
- I'm staying with Ted.
- Oh.
Meg, I gotta go. Peace.
- Watch out.
- Bye.
John, I love my sister, but
she has terrible taste in men.
[laughter]
John, go after her, will you?
Keep your eye on her.
Don't let her out
of your sight.
Are you going to miss me?
What's there to miss
when I can Skype-sex you?
Look, Meg, if I don't get going,
I'm going to miss my flight.
I'll give you a call
when I get to San Francisco, OK?
I had a good time tonight.
Yeah... OK.
Well, it's not a blown fuse.
Did we pay the bill?
Maybe it's a Halloween trick,
and tomorrow all the lights
will magically pop back on.
Maybe Mom was right,
and this place is totally
falling down around us.
[sobbing]
Beth, you can't cry every
time we talk about this.
I can too. I've only ever
wanted to live here, Jo.
I can! I can cry if I want to!
I'm sorry!
OK, Beth, but maybe you should
look at this as an opportunity
to move on and figure out
what you wanna do
with your life and...
Look, if ghost-tweeting
celebs' lives
earned me a living,
and you wouldn't have
to go anywhere.
- Yeah. I'm cold.
- I'm freezing.
Those fishnets aren't
keeping you warm?
They would have if
Mr. Lawrence hadn't interrupted.
- sl*t!
- Frozen sl*t.
- sl*t-sicle.
- [laughter]
That's a good one.
[sighs]
I can't imagine
coming home to anywhere else.
I know.
It'll all be OK, though.
Why Meg thinks
she needs some rich guy,
when we all know perfectly well
she can and will take
care of herself...
You're just remembering
what she told you in college.
Do you wanna go over there
and comfort poor, lonely Meg?
Because I will go with you.
In case Jo is there?
Friends with absolutely
no benefits whatsoever.
No ba*ls. None.
OK? Both of you.
Just... ball-less wonders.
No! You got four
perfectly fine women
in that house right over there,
a short walk away, two of them
the loves of your lives...
- I don't know about that.
- Meg and I have been
over for years.
And you two sit here, alone.
Right? Complaining.
Moaning. Pissing. OK?
I cannot believe
Are you two gonna go fight
for these women or not?
Answer me!
We should throw a kick-a*s
good-bye Orchard House party.
- More like a funeral.
- k*ll-joys.
What if someone actually
wrecks the house, though?
Papier maching is not
remodeling, Amy.
Well, there's something called
the Internet that will tell us
how to fix everything
- that needs fixing.
- I don't know.
And they could afford to do
it themselves, if they
hadn't paid for our college
and your law school
and your piano lessons
and your strange battles
with the law in Thailand.
- I'm going to pay everybody
back someday, I swear.
- Mm-hm.
Your generation with its
tweeting and hooking.
That's an important distinction.
You're good at
talking about the girls.
But I don't see you
going after them.
[sighs] We're respecting
what they say.
No, it's not respect,
it's cowardice. You respect them
by engaging with them.
By showing them
what they're worth.
Make them notice you.
- Believe me, in my day...
- When you communicated
by cave painting?
- [laughs]
- OK, you can
laugh all you want
at the lack of technology
in my formative years,
but, I'll tell you,
we had no problem getting
women to fall for us.
We were respectfully relentless.
We courted.
- Courted?
- Yeah.
And that does not mean texting
in the middle of the night,
hoping for a booty call.
[chuckling]
Come on, we owe it to them.
You know that.
No, OK, I know.
But you're working three jobs,
and her play opens in December,
and I have to study.
It's just...
We don't have time.
It's too much.
It's not too much.
You know that we're going
to convince you sooner or later
this is the right thing to do.
Or we'll do the
whole thing ourselves
and not let you be
in control of any of it.
- Oh, wow! Nicely done, Bethy.
- You guys are evil. All of you.
Although I really have
been wanting to paint over
that nasty stain in the ceiling.
- [gasping]
- Oh, the stain! Yay!
John, Meg may think she
that wants financial security,
and all the things that
you bring to the table.
- Yeah, maybe, but...
- And Teddy,
you have to use that knowledge
to get her to let you in.
- Right, but she...
- You two guys love these girls!
Am I right?
Then I dare you to prove to me
that your generation
- is not a lost cause.
- You want us to prove to you
that we can get them into bed?
No, no. On the contrary!
No, completely on the contrary.
OK, I have no idea
what you're talking about.
You have to lead with romance,
my friends. Romance.
You have to kiss them. You have
to get them to kiss you.
I mean, really, really kiss you,
not when they're drunk.
And not under the mistletoe.
Get a March sister
to fall in love with you.
Restore my faith in my own kind.
A kiss by Christmas.
- What just happened?
- We got schooled.
[laughing]
OK, screwdrivers, check.
Vise grips, check.
Claw hammers... check.
Um, OK. Fix the floors in the
kitchen and hardwood throughout.
Replace leaky plumbing,
winterize the windows,
remove all old lead paint,
replace the water heater
and all the electrical.
We can't do all this ourselves.
- Yeah, we can.
- Maybe Bob at the front desk
can recommend someone
for electrical.
I can take care of that too.
Amy, hanging Christmas lights
does not make you
a wiring expert.
I've been working with Jed
down at the theater.
Making out with the
tech director does not
make you an expert either.
- That's not what he says.
- Wow!
- [laughter]
- Oh, my God! I'm gonna
pretend I didn't hear that.
[groans]
We can't afford... this.
We can't afford any of this.
I think we have to put it back.
- All of it?
- Yeah. Yep.
We're gonna put it back.
We'll figure something out.
I miss you too. No,
I know, the time difference
is difficult.
Honestly, Dan, it's kind of
difficult to stay turned on
when you're texting me
- in between red lights.
- OK, hi, bye. Bye, Dan. Bye.
- Are you crazy?
- Girls, I thought we would
need some chocolate for this.
- Look!
- Another thing for the list.
OK, I don't think we have
any more room on the list.
- I talked to Bob
about the electrical.
- I said I was gonna do that.
You guys have no faith
that I can do anything.
You treat me like a baby.
- I'm 20.
- [all] We know!
And I'm capable of a lot more
than you think I am.
OK, that's really annoying.
OK, so, all for Bob
doing the electrical
and all of us doing
the rest ourselves, aye.
- Aye.
- Aye.
- Beth!
- Let's talk cash.
I'm putting the feelers out
for a new client,
but Sean, Curtis and Natalia
don't want me taking on someone
who might overlap.
I could postpone my trip
with Dan, though, and just stay
and be an extra pair of hands.
- OK.
- I have a little money
saved up, but that means
- no Christmas presents
this year.
- That's fine. Amy?
You have heard the expression
"theater doesn't pay," right?
[laughter]
- Oh, my God!
- [saw buzzing]
What is that?
- Teddy?
- Why do you have
all this stuff?
You guys can't fix up the house
without this stuff.
It's top of the line.
- You bought all this?
- You are the best. [laughs]
- Um, we can't take this.
- Jo. Yeah, we can.
You are the nicest guy,
Teddy Lawrence, but we
just can't take all this.
No, no, please, please, do not
pull that virtuous "March girls
must do it all ourselves" crap.
Don't worry, we never
put you and virtuous
in the same sentence.
You need tools, I got you tools.
Two words for that:
"thank" and "you."
How about, "take them back"?
All of them. Now!
- Don't tell me what to do.
- I just did. Deal with it.
- Oh, really?
- I hate when they fight.
Oh, my God! You are such a baby!
We've been over this
a million times before.
Yeah, simple fact.
I have money, you don't.
Why do you think it's a mortal
sin to spread the wealth?
You can't buy stuff
so that people will like you.
[laughs] Well, I kind of
thought you liked me already.
How many times did your mom
check in on me when I was sick?
How often was I included,
was I made to feel like part
of your family,
when I wasn't part at all?
You are part of our family,
and you should know us
well enough to know by now
that you can do what you can do.
But you can't do this.
God, you're a stubborn
pain in the a*s, you know that?
- Well, that's why you love me.
- Not so much right now.
You're the one who said to do
something good with
my Christmas app money.
I said give it to charity.
We're not a charity!
I never said you
were a char...! God, you make it
really hard, Jo, you know that?
I'm not trying to make it hard,
I swear. But, please, Teddy,
understand,
we can't just take...
- Borrow. Just borrow.
- No, it's "take"
if we can't pay it back,
I don't know how we'll ever
be able to pay it back.
I know that your heart is in
exactly the right place, but,
- please understand...
- I... it's fine. I got it. OK?
But you damn well better
say yes to me painting
and sanding floors.
By hand, apparently.
- What?
- Just the idea of you sanding.
- Hm... that's funny.
- It's funny.
It's just like your hands...
[laughs]
- No, no! [laughs]
- Yeah!
[piano plays]
[whispers] Don't disturb her.
She's gotten so good.
I know. I thought about
giving her the piano.
I don't play it much anymore.
But then I realized that
would be depriving myself
- [electrical fizzling]
- [shrieks]
Hey, Natalia, what's up?
That sounds intriguing.
Yes. Of course.
I would love to write
your autobiography.
[gasps, mouthing]
Meet with your editor?
Yes, of course.
OK, bye!
- [laughing]
- What's the dance party for?
I got a writing gig. A big, fat,
real book writing gig.
- Your novel?
- Natalia's autobiography!
That's amazing! Oh, my gosh!
- Dancing!
- Oh! Work it out!
[stammers] What's that smell?
Is something burning?
- Oh, God. Oh, God.
- Amy?
- Amy! Amy!
- [coughing]
[all shouting]
You set the house on fire.
All the water damage
in the basement!
- Amy, what were you thinking?
- I was thinking I was
going to replace the fuse box.
- But we agreed.
- You agreed. I didn't.
The important thing is not to
have something that everybody
needs to be OK about!
- It was an accident, Jo!
- An accident is a mistake.
It's not an accident
when you do something
that people tell you not to do.
Who says that you get
to tell me to do anything?
Clearly, I can't.
And I'm not gonna tell you
to do anything anymore.
I will not speak to you, OK?
- Jo...
- Jo!
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
You let her cool off,
and then you can suck up
to her later, OK?
I'm not sucking up to her.
She can suck up to me.
And you wonder why you're
not treated like an adult?
What does this have to do
with being the youngest, Amy?
You almost burned down
our family home.
We've got the right
to be angry right now, not you.
Hey, did you get
my text earlier?
Um, call me back
when you get this, please.
I heard what happened.
- You OK?
- Yeah.
I'm just shaken up, I guess.
Won't you need electricity
to hang the Christmas lights?
Yes.
I hadn't thought of that.
God, that could
have been really bad.
- Why doesn't Amy get that?
- Because...
...as she never hesitates
to remind any of us, she's 20.
- She knows everything.
- [chuckles]
- in the name of helpfulness.
- No. Not us.
- Hanging protest banners
from the roof.
- That wasn't me.
- Nobody can prove that was me.
- Except me. I have pictures.
- You do?
- Of course I do.
What do you think,
we broke up and I erased you?
Wouldn't that be
easier in some ways?
You know, you break up
and press delete,
and then everything's gone.
I wouldn't want that.
Do you want to forget?
Well, I would like to forget
some of the things
that I said to you.
- In the end, you know?
- No.
I needed to figure out what
I wanted and go after it.
Have you?
Yes.
[phone vibrates]
Dan, isn't it?
Yeah, but I can call him back.
No. Answer it.
Tell him I said hi.
Hey.
It works. Great.
This is a little
lawyer-interview-suit-y,
but it's, I don't know,
- better than what you have.
- Honestly, try to make it back
without ruining it, please.
You realize if we
put your closet on eBay,
we'd be covered.
OK, yeah, this looks a little
less masculine writer,
a little, you know,
I don't know.
But I think I'm good to go.
Oh, my God.
No. Take that off.
Is someone talking?
'Cause I don't hear anyone.
- All right.
- Jo, she's trying to help.
[Beth] Wow, OK. I like...
- I like that color.
- Oh, my God.
You are not wearing that.
This is loose.
I always wear boots.
- She always wears boots.
- Put these on.
Definitely heels...
...on an interview.
All right.
Wow! I can't believe we were
gonna let her leave the house
in that other outfit.
- So much better.
- Yeah.
- Really? Really?
- Yeah. You look amazing.
- [laughter]
- So we're good now?
- No.
- Jo!
- [Jo] House on fire!
- Unbelievable.
Give her time.
[indistinct chatter]
Yeah, no, I'm glad we're...
I'm gonna have to call you back.
My appointment's here.
Yeah. I'll call you back.
@Nataliaforreal?
Is that you?
Uh, @Seanbr91 at the moment,
tweeting from my work
at an orphanage in Haiti.
Natalia's on the West Coast,
so I won't be hashtagging her
for another few hours.
- She's not an early riser.
- Right.
- @MarchJosephine.
- The voice behind the tweeters.
Tweets. They're called...
They're called tweets.
- Really?
- Yeah.
You're kind of
looking at me funny.
I guess I'm just trying
to reconcile how the person
who wrote those tweets
is the same woman who
is writing this compelling
historical novel
about four generations
of women growing up in
an old New England house.
My novel?
How the hell did you get that?
You submitted your
Natalia twitter feed
and this manuscript.
Oh, my God.
That was an accident.
Oh, my God!
Yeah. Was I not
supposed to read the
writing sample you sent to me?
I... I didn't... I...
Um, I'm so...
I'm so mortified right now.
Can we just focus
on the autobiography?
- The paycheck makes me care.
- But it shouldn't.
She's a pop star. She's 19.
Arguably, probably a very nice
person, and talented, but...
Um, why, do you want
to publish this?
I don't.
I'm very confused right now.
When I first took this job
they told me I could take
this place in
a more literary direction.
But, strangely,
books that are enjoyable,
books that mean something,
they don't keep the doors open.
So here I am, editing a cash cow
of an auto-biography
in the hopes that, one day,
I actually get to do
something meaningful.
- Exactly.
- What?
Cash, Mr. Bhaer.
I need the cash.
I don't know. I guess
I just thought the person
who wrote this
was aspiring for something more.
Well, don't get on me
for selling my soul
when yours
has already been purchased.
Jo.
Jo... you're right.
And I'm sorry.
Those of us without souls
should not be so critical.
- I still have the job?
- Yes.
Normally I would turn you
down in a fit
of righteous indignation,
Well, if I have to publish crap
then you're just the woman
to write it for me.
Outline by next week,
manuscript by December 20th.
That's six weeks away.
You made me a vision board.
With your vision of what
I should be doing.
But... I have a special twist
on this one.
Great, special twist.
Holding my breath.
Another board
of things I'll never do.
OK. But do you see how
this one is in black and white?
- I do, I do see that.
- That's 'cause you get
to color it in, with these!
- OK.
- This is an achievement board.
It's how you make
the vision a reality.
So every time you accomplish
something that's on the board,
like, um, write an essay for
a grad school application,
or, you know, you apply
for a grant, then...
Let me guess,
you have them listed too.
I do. Yeah.
So you do it,
you color it in,
and then when you're done,
you're left with this
beautiful, swirly pattern
of accomplishments.
It feels so good.
- Wow.
- Yeah.
- Wow!
- Well, I'm really glad
that you're wowed, Beth,
because I just really
do think that it's time.
- Time?
- For you to move out,
move on, next steps.
So I will just
let you start then.
The first thing that you
would color in is
"receive board from Meg."
Right there.
Red. Red's good. OK.
- Yay, red! [laughs]
- Yay, red!
Yay, red.
Look, if you're just gonna be
whining the whole time
that you're not sitting
under palm trees, then...
Can you hold on?
Hold on one sec,
I got another call.
There isn't another call,
- is there?
- You don't get it.
No, I don't.
But Dan's coming
for Thanksgiving?
- That's great.
- You don't think that.
What?
Hey, sorry, I'm back.
[chuckles] That was funny.
[phone rings]
- Teddy Lawrence!
- You don't have to yell.
How else am I gonna get you to
get it through your thick head
that you can't buy...
- I did not buy.
- ...charge....
I did not charge.
I borrowed.
This is
the Simpson's power washer,
the Englert's saw,
the Lerner's sander.
All sitting in their garages
begging for us to use them.
Oh, my God. So perfect.
- I know.
- Why didn't I think of this?
Because I thought of it.
And I'm brilliant.
See, I'm not
completely useless.
- Where are you going?
- Getting to work. Come. Carry.
[indistinct chatter, laughter]
Natalia says
she thwarted a riot?
I'm selling my soul for this!
I do have
your first advance.
- Thank you.
- I wish it could be more.
[hammering]
[clears throat]
[banging]
Oh, my God,
what are you doing?!
- And the floors!
- I said I was going
to do the floors.
- Hey.
- Look at this!
Look what she's done!
- Let me talk.
- No!
You know, Jo,
I knew you were gonna do this.
- Do what? You're the one who...
- Who found the hardwood
under the crappy linoleum
and the hidden fireplace?!
How are we going
to fix this too? I can't.
when this is sanded
and stained and sealed,
this could look really good.
OK, I have preprogrammed all my
tweets for the next few days.
I am officially going off the
grid to finish chapter four.
Tell everyone else
- not to bother me!
- Jo!
- You know what your
uncle's going to say.
- Have a drink?
No. Be a man.
These girls need some help.
- [rock music plays]
- What's under here?
♪ Peel back the layers
Love ain't always
what it seems ♪
♪ Peel back the layers
Love ain't always
made of dreams ♪
Oh, my God!
♪ You'll know exactly
what I mean ♪
Oh, my God!
♪ Earn my treasure
so all the world can see ♪
♪ Earn my treasures
Baby, the best gifts are free ♪
♪ This Christmas, baby
You're gonna give yourself
to me ♪
♪ Bring back love
Bring back the heart ♪
♪ Our generation's
back where it starts ♪
♪ Risk it all
and on the line ♪
♪ Open up your heart
You'll never know
just what you'll find ♪
[sighs] I can't.
I have a book to write,
and my jobs to keep up with,
and a house that's getting worse
and worse. I can't do it all.
- You don't have to do it
all by yourself, Jo.
- Really?
It was a great idea.
It was a fantastic idea,
like all your ideas.
- Says you.
- Fine. You say it.
- I don't want to.
- Do it.
You're amazing. Just say it.
- I have to work.
- Say it or I'll serenade you.
- Teddy.
- ♪ Jingle bells
♪ Jingle bells
Jingle all the way ♪
I can do this all night.
♪ Oh what fun...
Stop, stop, stop!
It was a good idea.
It was a great idea.
Stellar idea.
I am a world of great ideas.
Good girl.
You know, you always
do this, right?
And in the end,
it always works out.
I adore you, Teddy.
You know that.
See, I always thought I was
the one adoring you.
- I have to get back to this.
- Right. Um...
Take the basket. It'll help.
What would I do without you?
Uh, starve. Languish.
Die of boredom.
[laughs]
- [knocking]
- Writing.
Hey, sorry.
I know you're busy,
but this thing
has been pinging like crazy..
Oh, no. No, no, no!
I didn't tweet this.
- Oh, that little b*tch!
- What? What's going on?
- You ruined me!
- What?
You ruined me!
You have ruined
paying for the house!
- You ruined everything!
- I didn't do anything.
Don't lie on top
of everything else!
You tweeted as Natalia.
- What's going on?
- Go on, tell Beth
how you ruined our chance
to keep our home.
Tell her why we're
losing our home!
I was angry, all right?
You weren't talking to me.
So you go and do this? You ruin
everything I've ever worked for!
You don't even care
about this! Why don't
you go write your book!
Well, Amy, I can't afford
to think like that!
And if you weren't such
a spoiled little brat,
maybe you'd understand that.
How could you do
something like that?
- Leave her alone, Meg.
- It's not a big deal.
No, Amy, it's disloyal.
And something like this
can never be un-done.
Ever.
Amy...
Mom wouldn't
have wanted this.
I don't like being a grownup.
I know what you mean.
Come here.
It's gonna be OK.
- OK, careful, careful, careful!
- We know to be careful.
You don't need
to tell us to be careful.
We shouldn't even be
doing this ourselves.
Well, we can't afford not
to do it ourselves,
thanks to Amy.
OK, so what we are
gonna we do now?
You're so good at figuring
everything else out,
Meg, I'm sure you can figure
that out all by yourself.
- Beth, please!
- What?
Guys, maybe I could rig
something and...
No! We are not
doing this half-assed!
We're not rigging!
Everything she touches turns
into a hazard zone.
No more rigging!
[Mr. Lawrence] Girls,
dinnertime!
- [all] Not hungry!
- Come on in here!
It's Thanksgiving,
I brought dinner!
Come on, or I'm gonna
call your mother
and tell her everything!
Right this way.
Sit wherever you like.
It's so beautiful, Mr. L.
But we thought, you know,
if this is gonna be your last
Thanksgiving in this house,
we wanted it to
be one to remember.
Well, the plan wasn't to have
it be our last Thanksgiving,
but Amy pretty much
ruined that.
- That's not fair.
- She just does whatever
she wants,
without thinking about
how it's going to turn out
for anyone else.
Just, enough already.
Please, both of you, enough!
At least I am who I am.
You hide, pretending to be
other people all the time.
Who I am is earning a living
for you, apparently.
- Can you pass the croissants?
- If you're serious about
actually earning a living, Jo,
maybe you'd call back that
editor who keeps calling here
- and leaving messages
every five seconds.
- And tell him what?
My sister is a sl*t
who posted naked pictures
and ruined my life?
OK, that's enough.
You both have rooms,
why don't you go to them,
and cool off.
Come back when
you're ready to eat.
I know. I promise you
we will not eat without them.
I have a little
surprise for you.
- Close your eyes.
- Close my eyes?
OK.
Oh, Beth, this is amazing!
Oh, my gosh!
I don't understand...
- I want you to have it.
- [laughs]
Just think of it as an
early Christmas present.
I can't... I can't believe this!
Mr. L, I can't...
- I can't believe you did this!
- Oh...
[playing classical music]
[squeaking]
Hey. Uh, you want to come over?
I'm sulking.
Seriously, Teddy, you don't
want to be around me right now.
Jo, come on.
It's freezing.
This might be our last
Thanksgiving here. Please.
Hurry, I'm so cold.
Take that, yes. Thank you.
[piano continues]
Hey. Where is everybody?
I don't know.
[moaning]
No! This is my parent's room!
I have good college
memories of this room.
And voila!
You've gotta be kidding me.
What? We always decorate our
tree the day after Thanksgiving.
- What is it, 12:01?
- Yep, so I'm right on time.
Teddy, I don't know.
Remember these? The weird
Shrinky Dink ones we made
- when we got loaded
in high school?
- Please, stop.
It's so screwed up and awful.
[sighs]
Hey. Can I remind you
how much you hated Natalia?
- But I liked having a job.
- You'll have another job.
There is nothing that
you cannot do, Jo March.
- Except for earning a living.
- Except for that.
Oh, gosh! Teddy, Teddy, Teddy!
- Oh! No, don't!
- You kissed me...
- You did.
- I didn't mean to. I'm...
It's so late, and I think
that we should just...
We should go to bed
and then we can decorate
the Christmas tree in the
morning and we'll just
pretend this didn't happen.
I don't want to do that.
Yeah, you do.
I love you, Jo.
No. No, you don't.
You're the one for me.
OK? You've always
been the one for me.
You are my best friend.
You're my best friend,
Teddy, but...
...I don't...
I don't feel
that way about you.
And I just really don't think
you feel that way about me.
- I don't believe you.
- Teddy...
You have to.
There's someone else,
isn't there?
- Of course not.
- No.
There has to be.
Something has changed.
Teddy, listen to me.
I don't want you to be upset.
And this doesn't
have to ruin our friendship.
I don't want friendship.
I want more.
I don't.
Teddy. Teddy!
Teddy, where are you going?
Teddy! Teddy!
Let's go get drunk.
[music plays]
- How you guys doing?
- Good.
- Could I just see
your ID, please?
- Yeah.
Come on, man,
it's the holidays.
No, it's fine.
Happy birthday.
- How about a birthday shot?
- Yeah.
Everybody was
a little bit distracted
by how pissed off
they are at me,
so I'm not really
expecting a birthday party.
- But I'm expecting you to buy.
- Ha.
Of course you are.
Thank you.
Happy birthday... to me!
I sorry, I can't...
get over the fact that I
feel like I'm corrupting you.
What happened
to you two tonight anyway?
You didn't actually tell her
how you really feel, did you?
- Oh, you didn't.
- Oh, I did.
Oh, I think you already
know the answer to that one.
To you March sisters.
Under my skin,
part of my stupid
heart and soul.
There is nothing stupid
about love, Teddy.
Nothing at all.
You did promise.
I can't believe you
remember that.
I was... I was 12 years old,
and miserable about
the way my front teeth looked
and this super cute
high school senior guy
promises he's gonna kiss me?
I mean, like that's not
a pivotal moment.
Seriously?
Well, I mean, then you
started calling me Chicklet,
and all your friends did.
And so my crush
just went... Ooh!
No more Chicklet, I swear.
Thank you.
- Oh, no. We're not doing that.
- Yeah. No.
- 'Cause that's...
- Cliche.
- ...bad habit.
- And, um, yeah...
I think I just drunkenly...
...tried to make good
on my promise.
I mean, when you do kiss me,
I want it to be...
- When I...
- If.
It can't be while I'm on the
rebound from your sister?
- I really need a drink. Now.
- Yeah...
I'm gonna get you a beer
at my house. [laughs]
And you better
keep your hands off.
- OK. I'm good.
- I'm just...
- Mm! This way.
- I'm not...
[car approaching]
Oh!
Well, that didn't take long.
Oh, no! We didn't...
This is not what you think.
It never is. I was up
all night worried about you.
[moans] Good.
You should be.
- Jo, we just had a couple...
- Get out. There's someone
at the door for me.
- Someone who's important to me.
- Oh, really? Who would that be?
- Why do you care?
- Why wouldn't I?
- He's my editor.
- Oh.
- [doorbell rings]
- OK. I'll get it.
- Teddy, get out.
- No, it's really...
- Stop! Get out!
- It's not a big deal.
Why are you doing this? Stop!
- Oh, hi!
- Marcus, hi.
- Maybe kind of.
- Oh, it's a great time.
It's a wonderful time.
- Sorry, what was your name?
- Uh, Marcus. And you're...
Just the boy next door.
And I apologize.
We got sort of a late start
this morning. Come on in.
- Maybe this was a bad idea.
- Showing up
on someone's doorstep
at 8:45 the morning
the day after Thanksgiving?
I personally think
that it's a novel idea.
I just, I happened
to be at my aunt's house
in Concord for Thanksgiving
dinner so I thought...
Really? Really?
Do we believe that?
Teddy, if you're not going
to be helpful, shut up.
Oh, I can be helpful.
And useful. I'll go make coffee.
Jo, lots of cream,
way too much sugar,
that I know. Marcus?
- Huh? Uh, black.
- OK, I'll be right back.
- But don't be going anywhere.
- I wouldn't dare.
I'm so sorry, he's untrained
and I'm not dressed.
- I sort of noticed that.
- [laughs]
I didn't need you to come all
the way over here to let me
know that I screwed up.
- I know why Natalia fired me.
- That's not why I'm here.
- It's not?
- No, it's not.
Actually, I'm here for this.
What are you doing?
[stammers]
Oh, I'm making coffee.
No. You are not.
I don't know, Teddy.
You corrected my not-novel.
This is like getting a "D"
in English lit all over again.
I didn't correct it.
I edited it.
What?
I want to work
on this with you.
I wanna get a couple sample
chapters and give them
to my boss.
- Seriously?
- Yes, this is the kind of book
I wanna work on.
This is the reason I took the
job, this is what I want
to persuade them to do.
- I love this.
- But what about
@Nataliaforreal?
I'm not interested in her.
What I am interested in
is @MarchJosephine.
Sorry I took so long.
You guys go... [sighs]
So, what happens from here?
Well, I'm a good editor,
but I gotta tell you that
I don't pull any punches, OK?
This needs a lot of work.
Unfortunately, I don't have
any money for an advance.
And I really don't
deal well with tears.
[grunts] Tears?
I'm sorry,
have you met this woman?
- Teddy.
- She's heartless.
- Shut up.
- OK.
All right, why don't you
look that over, and then
if you want to work together,
- we should probably start soon.
- What about tomorrow?
Tomorrow it is.
Thanks for the coffee.
- You're welcome.
- Go home, Teddy.
[loud crashing]
Oh, my God! Amy! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Get it off of her!
- Please!
- [Meg] Beth, call 911!
- Teddy, grab the other side.
- Amy, can you hear me?
I can't believe she tried
to move this by herself!
Oh, God, the phone! The phone
won't work down here!
Amy, if you can hear me,
squeeze my hand.
Oh, my God, Amy.
- Listen to me.
- Jo, it's all right. OK?
She's going to be fine.
Why don't...
Just go talk to her.
- What do we do?
- Amy.
If this is you not talking
to me because we're fighting,
you're not playing fair.
Amy, please!
- I can walk.
- I know you can,
just let me do this.
The doctor told us to watch over
her very closely
for the next 24 hours.
Because that's what I need,
for you guys to draw on my face
while I sleep.
No, Amy, this might be one of
the only times that it's OK
for us to treat you
- like a baby, OK?
- Hey. Don't ever
do that to me again.
when we were
fighting like that...
I know you love me, Jo.
Even when you want
to k*ll me, I know.
- Should we talk about...?
- [phone vibrates]
Sorry.
No, it's OK, take it.
You should tell him she's OK.
- Tell who?
- Dan.
No, that wasn't Dan.
We broke up.
[sighs]
[all] Happy birthday, Amy!
Now you can use your real ID!
- I thought you guys forgot.
- Come on, never!
Where's Teddy?
He'll be by later.
- Give me a wish!
- ♪ Amy makes
the world go round ♪
[cheering, laughing]
[playing soft music]
I hate that Mom and Dad are
going to come home and we'll
have made this place worse
- than it was when they left.
- No, that's not gonna happen.
- Why?
- 'Cause they put me in charge.
Oh, Beth, that reminds me.
Where are you on that
Julliard application?
Just because Mom put you
in charge of the house
does not mean you're
in charge of my life.
Beth, if you would just
listen to me for five minutes,
all I'm trying...
- [overlapping chatter]
- Stop it! Stop it! Stop!
I know that I'm letting you down
and, trust me,
I hate that I'm
letting you down,
but I'm not Juilliard Girl.
I am not Philharmonic girl.
And I am definitely not the girl
who gets the grants!
- Who says?
- My teachers,
my college evaluations.
Basically, everyone!
- Snow!
- Are you seeing snow?
Do we need to call the doctor?
[Amy] No... Look at the window.
Wow! Look, look!
Hey, I wanna see.
- [laughing]
- I love the first snow.
- Mm-hm.
- It makes it seem like
- everything's going
to be all right.
- Mm-hm.
- That's what Mom always says.
- Yeah.
Do you guys remember
when we were little
and she would wake us up
in the middle of the night
so we could go outside
to drink cocoa?
- Yeah!
- Do you remember how
upset she would get
when Teddy and I would
start a snowball fight?
- Yeah.
- It was annoying.
- No, it wasn't!
- And then she'd win.
Which she almost always did.
This can't to be our last
Christmas at Orchard House.
- Hey.
- Oh, hi.
I just wanted to check in
and see if you needed anything.
No, I'm good.
But thanks for checking.
You're good? Come on, Meg...
They're cold in there
and I said I'd make them...
- Stop.
- [laughs] OK.
I have something
I need to say.
OK.
It's you and me, Meg.
- It's always been you and me.
- John...
And even if you tell me
to go away right now,
it'll still be you and me.
I love you.
I know this is fast.
I don't want to waste
another moment with us
not being together.
- John... [gasps]
- This was my grandmother's.
Maybe you want something new,
and if you do, I promise you
I'll buy that for you.
[sobbing] John, stop!
Oh, my God!
I'm... I'm not the same
person that I was in college.
I'm not even the same person
that I was two months ago.
And I don't need
a big diamond at all.
I... I just need you.
- You do?
- Yeah, I do.
- Marry me, Meg March.
- I will.
Meg, what is taking so...?
Don't mind me.
You can just keep kissing.
No, Jo, don't.
Jo, wait! I have a question.
How do you feel about, um,
really ugly dresses
that you can't wear again?
I hate them. Why?
- [laughs]
- So I'm really happy
to see the end
of d*uche Bag Dan.
What?! Welcome to the family!
- You never forget, do you?
- Never.
It's blank.
Do whatever you want.
Just don't leave it blank, OK?
OK.
Well, I was thinking
of cutting it. That part.
Um... it's a little
too weird maybe?
Orchard House itself
is a voice in the story.
Yes, it is a little weird,
but it's good weird.
- It's compelling weird.
- So, what's the problem?
You.
You're doubting yourself,
and it's showing through
in the writing.
So don't doubt this.
And don't doubt you.
It's kind of hard
not to doubt myself
when there's more red ink
on the page than black ink.
Look, Jo, this is who you
are underneath the Jo
you show the rest of the world.
It's not Natalia,
it's not Sean, it's not Curtis.
This is you.
And I kind of like
getting to know you.
I'm betting the rest
of the world will too.
I just...
I don't know what to say.
- I'm not done.
- I'm sure you're not.
But I have to go.
My sister's play opens tonight
and I am blood-bound
to give the props mistress's
assistant a standing ovation.
- What play?
- Twelfth Night.
Ah, yes. "With adoration,
with fertile tears,
with groans that thunder love,
with sighs of fire."
- You know it?
- Absolutely.
You mind if I come?
[indistinct chatter]
- Hello, Beth!
- Hello.
- Mr. Lawrence!
- The lovely Miss Meg March,
ladies and gentlemen.
Well, not "Miss"
for very much longer.
- [laughter]
- Wow. I'm impressed.
- Oh, thank you!
- Congratulations!
That's a very good man
you have here.
- Thank you.
- Yes, he is.
Thumbs up.
Poor Teddy.
- Hey.
- We're gonna go sit.
- Can we sit here?
- We saved these.
- You did? Great.
- Yes.
Uh, I wanted to see the view
from behind the scenes.
- You're spying on Jo,
aren't you?
- Yeah.
Why? You knew she'd be
here. Why'd you come?
'Cause I promised you I would.
And I've been trying to keep
all my promises these days.
Plus, I didn't realize
she was gonna bring a date.
OK.
Just stay back here, OK?
Watch. Don't touch anything.
M-O-A-I.
This simulation is
not as the former.
for every one of these
letters is in my name.
Soft! Here follows prose.
"If this fall into thy hand,
resolve.
In my stars I am above thee, but
be not afraid of greatness."
- [music fades in]
- ♪ Let love in
♪ Let the rollercoaster
♪ Start twisting
and bending ♪
♪ On the other side
of the ocean wide ♪
♪ When you least expect
The intersecting lines ♪
- [laughter]
- ♪ Crossing in time
[actor continues speaking]
♪ And a knock
upon your door ♪
♪ Is the one
that you've been waiting for ♪
♪ And you never
been so sure ♪
♪ You never been so sure
So you let love in ♪
It's so cheesy,
but I love Christmas.
Yeah? Me too.
Movies and Chinese food.
- Oh, you're Jewish.
- Yep.
For me, every year at Christmas
is a party at Fu's Palace.
I have always wanted
to try that restaurant.
No, you gotta get the
scallion pancakes, dumplings,
the chicken in lettuce cups.
Now? You haven't talked
to me in two weeks.
Please, Jo. I just...
I need to talk to you.
- It's fine.
- No, it's not.
- I was going to drive you
to your car.
- It's OK, I'm a big boy.
I'll just send you
the edits, OK?
No, you don't have to do this.
[scoffs] Unbelievable!
I'm sorry to interrupt your...
date, or whatever it was.
- Teddy.
- I can't lose you, Jo.
I can't not have you
in my life.
There are no... sighs of fire.
- Sighs of fire? I've no clue...
- You're gonna burn
for somebody, someday, Teddy.
That poor girl...
That girl is not me.
I'm not quite sure I
agree with you on that.
But for your sake,
for our sake,
I'll... try.
Always.
Oh, yeah, the... 152,742.
- What?
- "Be Santa" toys donated,
and counting.
I am so proud of you!
- It was your brilliant idea.
- But you made it happen.
You want to stay over?
Yes. As long as it's not that
stupid Woody Allen musical...
- Christmas in Paris?
- That one.
It's a Wonderful Life,
Christmas Vacation, The Re.
- Oh, OK, The Ref is genius.
- [laughs] I'll go get
the popcorn.
OK, good.
[upbeat music plays]
[inaudible chatter]
Jo, hi. I didn't realize
we had an appointment.
We don't.
I have just been working
and re-working the chapters,
and I thought maybe you
could key in to what it needs.
You could have just
emailed me, you know.
Yeah, but there's no
caffeine involved with that.
Do you not want to work
on the book with me?
I just think that we should
work from a distance.
I don't... I don't get it.
We had a moment.
I think we should just
keep this professional.
I... I never realized
that I was being unprofessional.
I've had a lot of moments
go wrong in my life,
and if I can save myself
from a little bit of pain,
I'm going to do it.
All right,
so I've got a meeting.
But email me the chapters
and I'll look them over.
[indistinct chatter]
that we're gonna put
all the money into the house?
- I didn't that memo.
- [chuckles] Mr. L...
No, no, no.
They're not from me.
- They're from me.
- But Beth, we had a deal.
All the money was gonna
be going into the house.
I didn't spend any money,
I swear.
OK. Well, since we have the
tradition of opening one present
on Christmas Eve, let's do it.
- Yes!
- Alrighty.
This is for you, Amy.
Yes, please, that's for Meg.
Here you are.
This is for you, Jo Jo.
- Beth.
- Your first drawing
of Orchard House.
And that's to remind you
of the scales of justice.
It's beautiful!
Looks like it's 100 years old.
Where did you get this?
The attic. In all
that junk piled in there,
there were a few treasures.
Oh, my gosh!
- My diaries.
- Really? What did
you write about me?
- No, no, no, no!
- So you can listen any time.
- That's for me?
- Yep.
Sweetheart.
Thank you so much.
- Merry Christmas, Mr. L.
- Merry Christmas, Beth.
- [doorbell rings]
- Pizza!
No, no, no!
No, no, no, no, you're not!
You're not paying!
- No, no!
- Delivery!
- Dad! Dad!
- Jo.
Oh, my gosh! Oh!
Oh, my gosh!
[all laughing, chattering]
How are you? Merry Christmas.
[chatter continues]
How are you?
Merry Christmas.
- Welcome home.
- Good to see you.
Margaret, you didn't tell me you
renovated the Orchard House.
I didn't.
what happened here?
Well, we all helped out,
and Mr. Lawrence offered
moral support.
- [laughter]
- Am I to understand
that my four little girls
- remodeled Orchard House?
- We're not little girls.
We're grown women.
- [laughter]
- And Orchard House
will always be our home.
- Mm-hm.
- Yep.
[plays Christmas music]
[gasps] Meg!
It's beautiful. Truly.
Oh!
I'm so impressed at all
the work you girls have done.
The realtor will be
really impressed.
- Mom, can't you...?
- We didn't do it
for the realtor.
Actually, we were hoping
that because of the work...
And she'll also be very
disappointed that we won't
be putting
the house on the market.
- Really?
- I can't promise
- that it's forever.
- Well, will me
paying rent help?
- [Margaret] Paying rent?
- I got a job.
Don't freak out.
It's a little job.
Music classes for kids
at the community center.
but right now this is exactly
what I want to be doing.
All I want is for my daughters
to be strong, happy,
and to stay single and live
at home with me for the
rest of their lives.
- Oh! Robert!
- Is that too much?
- Yes.
- Oh, yes!
I think this calls
for more rum in the eggnog.
You need any help?
Pouring booze?
I think I got it.
You, uh, look...
...beautiful.
I... made you a promise.
And I would like
to... keep that promise.
Only if you mean it.
I'm sorry,
just not like this.
- With the mistletoe...
- Listen.
I'll be here.
Merry Christmas, Amy.
Merry Christmas, Teddy.
[laughter]
- OK.
- Merry Christmas.
[Amy] Jo?
I'm gonna be there in a second.
I'm just looking for something.
- And that would be?
- Just something.
It's something that
I... can't find.
Jo, what's going on?
- Jo-Jo.
- Are you OK?
- Jo!
- I don't know
what's wrong with me.
I'm really happy.
I'm working more,
and Dad's home,
and we get to keep the house.
But I don't know,
I just feel...
Like something's missing?
Or someone.
The editor. Right?
I can't.
I want to be with him,
but I can't. I'm not ready.
[laughs] Oh, God!
Love is so stupid.
But I think that I'm in it.
So then what are you
doing here? Go.
Go.
Aren't you supposed to be
surrounded by your friends
and family,
watching a Yule log
burn or something?
...I suddenly got this urge
to have scallion pancakes,
with you.
You know, I was going to
call you after the holiday.
I'm sure you say that
to all the girls.
I have good news.
My boss likes the chapters.
What are you doing?
Don't you have anything to say?
It's a lot easier
when I write it down
and then you scribble
all over it with red pen
and tell me what I was
really trying to say, OK?
Oh, right.
We did.
Let me see the chalk.
I think it reads
better like that, don't you?
What about Teddy?
He's the boy next door.
Well, then, Merry Christmas,
@MarchJosephine.
♪ Deck the halls
with boughs of holly ♪
♪ Fa-la-la-la-la
La-la-la-la ♪
♪ 'Tis the season
to be jolly ♪
♪ Don we now
our g*y apparel ♪
♪ Fa-la-la-la-la
La-la-la-la ♪
[laughter, chatter]
- This is my editor.
- Hi.
- Hello, how are you?
- How's it going?
- Good to see you.
- Mom.
- How are you?
- My dad.
Hi. Marcus.
Pleasure to meet you.
He's my editor.
[Christmas music plays]
Whoo-hoo!
Faster.
Why are you doing this?
Merry Christmas!
[man vocalizing]
♪ My favorite time of year
with you ♪
♪ The perfect kind of winter
♪ And I know
that you remember too ♪
♪ There is magic in December
♪ And it snowed
when we kissed ♪
♪ All the bells rang too
♪ But you're gone
and I think ♪
♪ It took Christmas with you
♪ Why aren't the snowflakes
coming down? ♪
♪ Coming down, coming down
Tell me ♪
♪ Why aren't you
holding me right now? ♪
♪ Tell me why, tell me why
Baby ♪
♪ You are the only thing
that ever felt like ♪
♪ Christmas to me
♪ And if you were here
♪ It would finally feel like
Christmas this year ♪
♪ Last year
the city hung up lights ♪
- ♪ Earlier than ever
- ♪ Earlier than ever
♪ And I remember
holding hands at night ♪
♪ We were snuggling together
♪ In the snow
when we kissed ♪
♪ All the bells rang too
♪ But you're gone
and I think ♪
♪ It took Christmas with you
♪ Why aren't the snowflakes
coming down? ♪
♪ Coming down, coming down
Tell me ♪
♪ Why aren't you
holding me right now? ♪
♪ Tell me why, tell me why
Baby ♪
♪ You are the only thing
that ever felt like ♪
♪ Christmas to me
♪ And if you were here
♪ It would finally feel like
Christmas... ♪
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