01x02 - Fat Chance

[bunniefuu]

Guys, guys!

Wanna know who just won the
districtwide spelling bee?

Here's a clue: M-e.

"meh"?

It's "me," you Toad.

- What is that?
- The trophy I won.

It's a bronze bee.

I've got fillings bigger than that thing.

I rode a little filly named "perspicacious"

All the way to the finish line.

Now come on, who's the man?

- Who's the man?
- Jack is the man!

Ho!
Jack! Jack! Jack!

- Thank you.
- Now thanks to Jack's routine,

We've won our first gymnastics
trophy in years.

It wasn't really a routine.

I was just trying to move fast enough.

So no one would notice
I was wearing a unitard.

When you're wearing one of those things,

Even when you win, you lose.

You know, I just won the first
spelling bee our school has ever...

Hey, show us what you did to win, Jack.

- Yeah!
- Go for it.

Jack, I hope that this means.

That you're going to stay
on the gymnastics team.

I told you,
it was a one-time deal.

I win you your trophy and you get a
little visit from the wedgie wizard.

- I guess a deal's a deal.
- Just go with it.

Hold that for me.

Whoo!

Aah!

Is that all you've got, punk?

All right, let's go.

- Milton, are you coming?
- Yeah, I'll catch up with you guys in a second.

All right.

You know, you're just a
little bee with broken wings,

But you, my friend, are gonna
hang with the big dogs.

Whoa whoa!

Whoa whoa!

If you're my guardian angel,

You sir, are awesome at your job!

All tough with me ♪

♪ I'm saying won't you
come kick it with me? ♪

♪ and we can have a ball,
run up the wall ♪

♪ this is how we do ♪

♪ and no matter how much
I chop and punch ♪

♪ it's not as cool
as kickin' it with you ♪

♪ here we go,
let's start the party ♪

♪ chop it up
like it's karate ♪

♪ everybody ♪

♪ don't you
get all tough with me ♪

♪ I'm saying won't you
come kick it with me? ♪

♪ and we can have a ball,
run up the wall ♪

♪ this is how we do ♪

♪ and no matter how much
I chop and punch ♪

♪ it's not as cool
as kickin' it with you. ♪

And at the very last second he caught me.

He put me down and walked away.

The only thing that I know about him.

Is that his nametag
said "yoshi Nakamura."

- Huh, never noticed him before.
- Okay, hang on.

So you didn't notice
a -lb custodian,

But you did notice when Donna tobin.

Changed her ponytail from left to right?

Okay, first it was right to left;

Second, it wasn't a ponytail,

It was a french braid;

And third, maybe if that custodian.

Had legs like Donna tobin,
I would've noticed him too.

Hey, big news, everybody.

The magic shop went out of business.

They have to sell everything at half price.

I feel so bad for them.

I think I'm gonna cry.

It's a good thing I have this handkerchief.

Oh, lookit!

Yo, I don't know how he's doing that, man,

But it's freaking me out.

Anyway, since the store closed,

A storage space opened up in the
basement directly below us.

- I finally have a place for all my stuff.
- It's about time.

- This place is getting pretty cluttered.
- It is not.

Rudy, this place looks like.

A crazy old Cat lady lives here.

Okay, that is a bit of an exaggeration.

Really?

Okay, that is not my Cat.

Are you coming, tip tip?

Uh, excuse me, Lonnie.

What are you doing in my storage space?

I have claimed this for reptile world.

Listen, you little
lizard-loving freak,

I want you and all of your
stuff out of here now.

Uh-oh, I may have just let
a bearded skink slip out.

Why can't you say you passed
gas like everyone else?

A skink is a type of poisonous lizard.

And... ooh!
No, do not move.

He's on the back of your neck.

Look, I'm not falling for that.

And I'm telling you for
the last time, get your...

Oh wow, is it getting warm in here?

That's the first sign of a skink bite.

Second sign is your tongue will go numb.

You should seriously get some help.

I'm not leaving.
They can carry my...

Dead body out of here.

And I will still stand here
to make my point.

Aah! Holy smokes,
I'm on fire!

Bringing presents to custodians?

That's not cool.
I mean, what's next?

Asking the crossing guard to the prom?

I already tried that, but she
just wants to be friends.

I think it's sweet Milton
bought his new friend a cake.

Thanks, Kim.

See, when someone does something great...

You know, save a life.

Or win a spelling bee...

They should get some recognition.

Whoa!

Do you know what this means?

I know exactly what this means...

Our custodian's king of the babies.

Hey, what are you doing in here?

I thought I told you this
space is for reptile world.

Not anymore.
You left, I moved in.

Oh, and if you're looking
for your tortoise,

I left it in the hallway this morning.

You fool!

He could be ' or ' away by now.

I have to go upstairs.

Don't touch any of my stuff,
especially that massage chair.

- Would you mind if I...
- No no.

You couldn't handle it.
That's way too much chair for you.

- What?
- I'll be right back.

I will sit wherever I wanna sit.

How is he gonna find out?

Oh.

Ooh.

Oooh.

This is nice.

Let's see what this baby can do.

Whoa, check it out, you guys.

There he is.

Well, come on.

Mr. Nakamura,
I just want to thank you.

For saving my life the other day.

That's what I do...
mop up pudding barf,

Collect trash and catch flying boys.

I'm living the dream.

We stopped by your closet and
saw your newspaper clippings,

Your trophies and your medals.

You're amazing!

Then we checked you out on the Internet.

You were a six-time
sumo champion.

Yeah, that match where
you lost your diaper thing.

And kept fighting...
that was awesome!

- And disturbing.
But mostly awesome. - Yeah.

That was a long time ago.

I used to be a hero in Japan
and now I plunge toilets.

And you... you either
change your diet.

Or use the bathroom at home, Jerry.

Wait, you know my name?

In the janitor's room
we call you the bowl Buster.

You hear that, you guys?

I'm the bowl Buster.
Whoo!

Sir, I love that awesome
victory dance you do...

- The Nakamura stomp.
- Yeah!

That started when I seen
a spider in the ring.

The crowd loved it, so I just ran with it.

- Come on, man, do it for us.
- Yeah, come on, do it.

Aw, I couldn't.
I'm at work.

- Please? Just once.
- Fine.

Just one for you, little buddy.

- Yeah!
- Come on, man.

Ooh. Oops.

- Look what you did!
- I'm sorry, sir.

- We were just having a little fun.
- Oh, fun?

I didn't hire you to jump around
like some hopscotching hippo.

I got this.

Mr. Nakamura would like you to talk
to him with a little more respect.

So I don't talk to you with respect, huh?

- Actually I said... - This man used to
be a hero, so he doesn't need this job.

- Really?
- No, I really need the job...

He demands you to apologize
to him right now.

Really?

Nakamura, you're fired!

- What were you thinking?
- I don't know.

I thought by stepping up
and helping Nakamura

I could be a hero for once, like you.

Eh, I'm not a hero.

Oh help!
He stole my purse!

Aah!

Bless you, Jack.

Uh, what were we talking about again?

Oh, you were just going on
about not being a hero.

Guys, group meeting.

Um, why is weepy mchugie still here?

The guy's been through a lot, Rudy.

We found out why he gave up
sumo and left Japan in shame.

wins in a row,
then some rookie struts in.

And throws him out of the ring
like a moldy pear.

You guys hiding pears over there?

There's no pears, darlin'.

As if that wasn't bad enough,
he lost his life's savings.

- Wow, how did he do that?
- He went on a game show called

"are you willing to lose
your life's savings?"

Fix this.

Once the food runs out, we're
gonna look tasty to that guy.

Fix this.

Hey, guys, I got an idea.

Nakamura, Milton was right...

You're not a custodian, you're a champion.

And with our help, you'll get there again.

I told you it was a long time ago.

Why do you guys believe in me?

Look, we live by something
called the Wasabi code.

That means we never give up on each other.

We just gotta find a way to
get you back on the horse.

Uh, Jack, it'd probably be safer
if the horse got on his back.

But, uh, you know, either way.

Wasabi?

Wasabi!

Got your note.
I heard you wanted to see me.

Listen, we gotta come to some sort
of an agreement about this space.

We can't keep fighting like this.

I'm not so sure I can trust you.

Before this conversation goes any further,

I wanna check you for weapons.

Lift your arms.

That's a lint roller.

And you're making
that noise with your mouth.

Look, so we both want the space, right?

It's nicer than my apartment...

Smells less lizardy and has
exactly % less mother.

You live with your mother?

I would hardly call it living, fella.

- Why can't we just figure out
some way to share it? - Huh.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Man cave!

- Yeah!
- Yeah!

They're not back yet?

Nakamura wanted to run one more lap.

Around the mall with his weight vest.

All right, that was your best time yet.

You ran the entire mall
in under four minutes.

Bouncing around in that thing.

Has given me a new respect for kangaroos.

Hey, Nakamura, I saw you
running through the mall.

Carrying a big pasty baby
that looked a lot like Milton.

I'm not pasty.

I'm translucent.

Nakamura's training for his big comeback.

A comeback sumo match...

I bet people would buy tickets for that.

I paid five bucks to watch
the Kellys' dog have puppies.

I've seen the miracle of life...

And it's disgusting.

You know, we can have the
match right here in the dojo.

Yeah, that's great and all,
but we don't have.

Another sumo wrestler
for him to compete against.

I do.

Oh no.

Beached whale!
Somebody help me!

We gotta haul it back
to sea before it dies!

- Go to your home.
- What are you doing?

No, I... I...

You thought I was a whale, didn't you?

Yeah, a little bit.

We kept in touch.
I'll give him a call.

Huh!

All right, Nakamura,
time for your real workout.

Let's belly up!

Jerry, how's this thing gonna help?

You look like a bloated Turkey in a thong.

It's gonna make him quicker.

I'm scrappy and wiry.

Now come on, big guy.

Whoa!

A little help.
Thanks.

I'm good.
I'm good.

I'm telling you, Lonnie, I'm gonna
make a fortune off this sumo match.

Do you mind?

I am trying to watch the finale.

Of "america's got
tap shoes."

Lonnie, later for that.

It's time for "ultimate combat"
on the v*olence channel.

I am not watching a bunch of
girlie men slap each other.

When there's tap dancing on.

Sure.
Give me the remote!

No, you don't.
Oh no, you do not!

Are you happy?

Now one of us has to get off the
couch to change the channel.

All right, I was being unreasonable.

It is your turn.
You may have the remote.

Thank you.

- What are you doing?
- The man cave is under new management.

You are out and I am in.

Open the Gate, Lonnie.

Not gonna happen, rudes.

Oh yeah, and I made a few
adjustments to the security system.

Shocking, isn't it?

Tap for me, America.
Tap!

Aah!

Enjoy the match.
Enjoy the match.

Enjoy the match.

All right, my man, limber up, okay?

Stretch yourself out.

Just remember everything
I showed you, okay?

Now come on, let's do this.

Oh wow.

Skin on skin...
that was pretty awkward.

Ah, there's my man.
Yamazaki, my beach buddy.

Got my bucks?

Let's do this.

Uh-oh.

Nakamura, you can't hide in here...
Or anywhere.

I'm not going out there.
That's yamazaki.

He's the only one that ever b*at me.

I can't fight him, man.
Nakamura! Nakamura!

Guys, we gotta put on a fight.

The crowd's getting ugly.

And they were none too
pretty to begin with.

This is all my fault.

Nakamura, listen to me.

You can't be running from
this guy your whole life.

I'm sorry, Jack.

I just can't go through with this.

You guys gotta see this.
You're not gonna believe it.

Come on, Milton.

- Come on!
- Milton!

Your little kangaroo baby
has the heart of a lion.

This is your moment.
Go out there and take it!

Ooh. Wow.

Skin on skin...
♪ awkward. ♪.

Whoa.

Aah!

I got this one, Milton.

You go, boy.

Milton, that was crazy.
Why would you do that?

I don't know.
Someone had to do something.

I would never have done that.

That guy is the size of a brontosaurus.

You know what this means?

He has a second brain
that controls his tail?

No, Milton.
It means you're a hero.

You inspired Nakamura
to get his confidence back.

- You were awesome!
- Really, Jack?

Yeah. And you know
what else is awesome?

Pants.
Seriously, dude, put 'em on.

- Yeah!
- Nakamura stomp!

Nakamura stomp!
Nakamura stomp!

Nakamura stomp!
Whoa!

And now it's time to
find out the winner of...

- Do you mind? - ...
"America's got tap shoes."

I'm trying to watch tv down here.

Are you ready
for the results?

Yes.
Give it to me.

- Whoa!
- Give it to me!

- Whoa!
- Give it to... whoa!

Well, look who dropped in.

Sweet man cave.

♪ kickin' it with you! ♪

Thanks to Milton, Nakamura's
heading back to Japan.

To get his title back.

You know, I could be a sumo wrestler.

I just need to gain
like - lbs.

- Your mom did it pretty easily.
- That's it, man.

Come on!

Jack, have you seen my spelling bee trophy?

I thought it was in my locker,
but I can't find it anywhere.

I know it's small,
but it means a lot to me.

Don't worry, Milton.
I'm sure it's someplace safe.