Daddy, can you do everything?
Me, yeah.
Can you do a handstand?
Is the Pope Catholic?
He is Catholic.
So, that means yes.
Do it.
I'm reading the
paper here, honey.
You can't do it.
I can so.
You can't do it.
You can't do it. Yes, I can.
BOTH: You can't do it.
Yes, I can.
BOTH: You can't do it.
Yes, I can. Yes, I can.
BOTH: You can't...
Okay, I'll do it, I'll do it.
I'll do it, I'll do it,
I'll do it. All right?
See?
I can do anything.
BOTH: Yay!
Yay!
CHERYL: Hey!
What's going on down there?
(EXCLAIMS)
Oh, baby!
(BLUES MUSIC PLAYING)
(PLAYING
SHAVE AND A HAIRCUT RIFF)
Andy, why do you
have to do that
Shave and a Haircut riff?
That's kind of fun,
don't you think?
But, the blues aren't
supposed to be fun.
Not with that attitude,
they won't be.
I think this makes us stand out
from all the other groups.
What other groups?
We're five guys in a garage.
Hey, when we get our first gig,
that'll be a great name
for our band.
Five Guys in a Garage.
Yeah, too self-aware.
Oh! Hey! How about
The Funky Wizards? Huh?
We wear long robes,
pointy hats...
Yeah, then we'll take ourselves
out in a parking lot
and b*at ourselves up.
Skirt alert!
Hey, guys.
Hey.
This is Eddie.
Hey, Eddie, how are ya? Hey.
Jim.
Good to see you.
Is this new boyfriend here?
Oh, well, I mean, he is a
boy and he's also my friend
but, we haven't
discussed commitment.
I mean, no pressure.
You can call me your boyfriend.
Boyfriend! Whoa!
Slow down!
(LAUGHING)
I mean, it's all happening so...
Okay.
So I heard you guys out there.
You sound great, you got chops.
Well, thanks.
Eddie's a musician.
Oh, great.
What do you play?
Uh, keys.
Well, well, well.
(LAUGHS)
The s, the ivories,
the motherboard.
Hey, you want to take my
Maybelline for a spin?
Yeah. Okay.
Hey, treat her rough.
She likes it that way.
I mean my...
the keyboards not my sister.
Oh.
(PLAYING PIANO)
Wow!
(LAUGHS) Oh!
That was hot, man.
It was incredible.
It was really good.
What, are you in a band?
Not right now.
Well, don't give up.
Piece of advice,
you wanna play the blues,
you gotta live the blues.
How many Diet Snapples
for The Funky Wizards?
Come on, let's go tell my
sister you're my boyfriend.
Cheryl!
Hey, Eddie.
Yeah.
You ever play professionally?
Here and there, you know.
Bonnie Raitt, Blues
Traveler, Dave Matthews.
What about you guys?
Yeah, same kind of stuff, you know.
Same kind of deal.
Cool. You know what, I've got
a gig at the House of Blues.
Actually, I need to
put a band together.
Uh, you guys want to do it?
(SIGHING) You know, we got
to think about it really.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
Great! We have...
We have two keyboard players.
Yeah!
No, actually, I'd be
the keyboard player.
Is that all right?
Cool. Yeah.
Sure.
You kidding me? Absolutely.
Great. All right.
Well, I'll call you with the details.
Thanks.
All right, see you.
Yeah!
Hey, what are you guys
talking about?
We can't do this gig
without Andy.
Eddie's the real deal, man.
He uses all ten fingers.
CHRIS: Yeah.
Oh, come on.
No way, man. No way.
Jim!
No, man.
This is my garage, this
is my beer, it's my wife,
who you get to gawk at when
she's hanging the laundry.
No! Andy stays
in the band.
Period.
End of discussion.
Yeah, maybe Jim's right.
It's a lot more fun playing
out here in the garage,
pretending that the paint
cans are an audience.
Jim, come on, it's one gig.
Well...
Maybe, you know...
I guess if the band took a vote.
Majority does rule...
Cheryl!
Yeah?
Cheryl, what's my dream?
Jennifer Lopez is
sleep-walking,
climbs into bed with us.
Not that one. Not that one.
The other one.
Oh, Brian Urlacher's
sleep-walking
and climbs into bed with us.
No, that's your dream.
Oh, right.
My dream, my dream
about the band.
The band!
The band just got a gig
at the House of Blues.
Oh, my God! Jim!
Yes!
I've heard of that.
That's a real place.
Yes, it is.
(EXCLAIMING)
Ah, it's great, isn't it?
There's one thing I need
you to do though, honey.
Oh. I'm not going to
the airport
meeting Japanese
business men again.
No. Cheryl,
this is much easier.
You just gotta tell Andy
he can't play in the gig.
It's just one gig.
Well, what ever
happened to loyalty.
Honey, this is the music biz.
It happens all the time. (SIGHS)
Come on, The Beatles
got rid of Pete Best
and replaced him with Ringo.
And then the band took off.
Pete Best wasn't Paul
McCartney's brother-in-law.
You don't know that, Cheryl.
Look, I'm not
doing this for you.
Your band, your problem.
Fine!
Guess who's not going to appear
semi-nude on our next album.
Oh.
(EXCLAIMING)
Wow!
Andy, I forget what a great
architect you really are.
I mean, look at that.
Raw energy.
Fiery passion.
These are schematic drawings
for a public toilet.
Yeah, yeah,
and I would be honored
to relieve myself
in one of those.
Okay.
Andy,
I need to talk to you
about the band.
What? Oh, oh.
You're not changing the name, are you?
Because I already
had the T-shirts made.
Here's the thing, Andy.
The guys and I were talking
about you and we think that...
Think what?
We think that I was
a little too harsh
judging your you know...
Shave and a Haircut riff.
See?
Yeah.
It works.
Yeah.
It's like, "I'm sad, I'm sad,
but I'm gonna be okay."
Yeah.
Hey! Oh, what time
is practice Saturday?
Saturday?
Uh, I cancelled practice.
Oh, how come?
Because you have to finish
the Isenberg project
by Saturday.
Oh, those aren't due
for two weeks.
What, what, you question
everything I say now?
Just do it!
All right, I'll do it.
You okay?
I'm okay, I'm fine.
Fine. All right.
Well, (CHUCKLING)
I was gonna save this
and show you at practice.
But since we're not
having it...
Funky!
(BLUES MUSIC PLAYING)
Band sounds good
with Eddie, huh?
Yeah.
It's amazing how
one incredible boyfriend
can touch so many lives.
Don't you feel at all
feel weird
going out with a guy who
replaced your brother?
(SIGHING) Yeah.
But I'm trying to stay
neutral like Switzerland.
You mean, creepy Switzerland
that hid n*zi money?
No, the fun Switzerland with
the watches and the chocolate.
Oh.
Hey.
Hey.
Where's Jim?
What are you doing here?
Oh, well, Jim wanted me
to put a rush on these
drawings for Sunday,
but there's a problem I
need to go over with him.
Oh. Well,
he's in the garage,
but you don't
want to go in there.
Why?
Well...
It might be a tad awkward
because you know...
Yeah.
Didn't Jim talk to you
about the band?
Yeah, yeah, he told me he
was cancelling practice.
(SIGHING) Oh, my God.
(BLUES MUSIC PLAYING)
Is that the band?
Oh, no, no, that's
Ruby and Gracie
out there, goofing around.
Yeah, I really should get
them into a music program.
What's going on here, Jim?
Wait a minute!
You're not Andy!
Andy, wait up.
Wait up, Andy.
Daddy, bet you can't
drink this whole thing.
Oh!
BOTH: Yay!
What was that?
Salad dressing.
Andy, will you just
stop and talk to me?
Why? Kicked me
out of the band,
didn't talk to me then.
We didn't kick you out
of the band, all right?
We were just rehearsing
with Eddie for a thing.
What thing?
A gig.
You got a gig?
Yeah, but...
Look, the only way that we can
get the gig is without you.
And that's the truth, Andy.
Oh, well, if it's
the truth you want,
I'll give you the truth Mr.
Fatty-Baldy-Needs-A- Breath-Mint.
You tell him, Andy.
Cheryl, you're slowing
down the healing process.
Jim, I've been with this
band for five years,
from the beginning.
First gig we've ever gotten,
and you're dumping me?
I'm dumping you.
You're not out of the band, Andy.
It's just this gig,
and it's not a big gig.
It's a dive.
It's nothing.
House of Blues.
Thank you.
What if I did this to you?
Which, by the way, is
something I would never do.
Well, I think, you kind of
answered your own question there.
You know what
hurts the most, Jim?
What?
Is that you lied to me. No.
No, no.
The House of Blues hurts more.
Okay, they're tied.
Andy. Andy,
Andy, Andy,
look, I know that you're upset,
but this was for the band.
And I know you.
You're not the kind of guy
that wants to stand in the way.
Are you?
No.
A friend wouldn't do that.
Of course, you wouldn't know
anything about that, would you?
Is he gone?
Yeah.
I didn't have anywhere to go.
I just felt the moment
called for an exit.
Andy.
You know what,
I don't blame him.
I stink.
I'd dump me, too.
Hey, hey, hey, hey,
hey, don't say that.
You're not the greatest
keyboard player in the world.
Who cares?
You know what, maybe it's time
to start concentrating
on your real talent.
Yeah, like karaoke.
Nobody belts out the theme from
Titanic better than you.
Dana,
I was talking about
him being an architect.
Don't focus on
what you can't do.
Embrace the things you can do.
You are a bright, talented guy.
You know, Andy,
you have a gift.
Be proud of that.
Aw, sweetie.
Hey, you know,
I could use a hug, too.
I mean, I finally
have a boyfriend
and it's tainted
by controversy.
Thank you.
Yeah.
I appreciate the pep talk.
I think I'll be okay.
Okay.
(BLUES MUSIC PLAYING)
Oh, God.
Snacking is not forgiving.
Come on, Andy, don't be mad.
It isn't personal.
Did you hurt me very deeply?
Yes.
Am I a person?
Yes.
Uh, personal.
So, come on.
Does that mean you don't want
to pick up a burger with me,
sit on the sidewalk
and watch the chicks
of the :
spin class today?
They painted the windows.
Besides, I have
a lunch meeting today.
With whom?
Daniel Back
from Back Hart Design.
What?
Yeah. They've been
courting me for a while,
so I figured I'd see what
they're putting on the table
besides a donut.
I see, I see.
This is payback time for Jim, huh?
You know what, Jim, for once,
this isn't about you, okay?
It's about me. Andy.
I'm a bright, talented guy.
I have a gift and I
should be proud of that.
Wait a minute.
Doesn't sound like you.
Who have you been talking to?
Why would you assume that?
I'm a big boy.
I can think for myself.
Cheryl!
Yes.
But it's not her fault.
All she did was
remind me of my potential.
Great!
I specifically asked her
never to do that.
So, what?
So, what are you going to do?
You're just gonna move
on to this other job
and just leave me hanging?
I don't know
what I'm going to do.
But,
I don't think you're
the kind of guy
that would want to stand in the way.
Are you?
I see. Throwing my words
back in my face, huh?
Huh?
Dana's idea.
Dana.
Hey.
You sold me out.
(LAUGHS) What?
You told Andy
he was a great architect.
You built up his ego.
You've undone all my good work.
(EXCLAIMING)
I was just being supportive.
Supportive?
Yeah.
Cheryl, you're either
his sister or my wife.
You can't be both.
Oh.
Come on, now, look it,
now, at what you did.
He's thinking about
taking another job.
What? I don't know what
you're so upset about.
I mean, you did
what's good for you.
Why can't Andy do
what's good for him?
Because it's not good for me.
Oh.
Well, Jim, neither is bacon,
but you eat that every morning.
Cheryl, you eat yogurt.
That's bacteria.
I hope you wash it down
with a big glass of soap.
I don't want to
talk about breakfast.
Why? I'm winning
the breakfast thing.
Jim, I don't know why you even
care if Andy gets another job.
I mean, you could always
hire another architect.
No, I can't.
Andy and I
have a communication.
We've got this short hand.
He gets me.
You know...
Honey, I don't know if
you realize this or not,
but I'm a little difficult
to get along with.
(CHERYL GASPS)
Yeah.
No! Jim!
You're a constant delight.
Around the house and to
you, but, you know...
Listen. Honey,
let me ask you something.
What exactly does
Andy mean to you?
Huh?
I mean, is he just your
brother-in law, a co-worker?
Is he a friend?
He's my son.
Why do you have to make
everything so melodramatic?
Well, Jim, you know what?
Andy would know the
answer to that question.
And just for your information,
he called minutes ago.
He turned down
the offer for that job.
He did?
Yeah.
Well, what is it
with you and your family?
What, are you all saints?
Listen, honey,
I just think you need to figure
out your relationship with Andy.
I haven't even figured out
my relationship with you.
(HARMONICA PLAYING)
Hey.
Hey.
What are you doing?
I just came to get my keyboard.
Why?
I'm quitting the band.
You guys don't need me.
You should go for it.
I mean, we've all dreamt about
that garage door
opening someday, right?
So, I heard you turned
down that job offer.
Yeah.
I decided I like
going to work every day
and sitting across
from my friend.
That'd be you.
Makes me happy.
And you can't buy that kind of happiness.
Yeah, you can.
They low-balled me.
Uh-huh.
Well, I decided that we're
not going to do the gig.
What?
Yeah.
It just wouldn't
be the same, you know.
I mean, you're
part of the group.
Eddie's not.
Yeah, but he's
really good, Jim.
Yeah. He's so good
that he makes the rest
of the band sound bad.
Really?
Yeah.
Well, I mean, especially
for, you know,
John and Chris
and Tony, you know.
And look, you know,
Eddie plays,
then Eddie leaves
and hangs out with Dana.
Yeah, but you,
when you're here,
we have a couple
of beers and...
You know, we hang out, we talk...
Then I stay for dinner,
and then watch TV.
Maybe play a game of
Boggle or Risk.
Yeah, and it gets late
and then I'd tell you
"You got to
go home."
And I look at my watch and say,
"Where did the time go?"
and act all surprised.
Good times, good times.
I don't know, it's not
the same with Eddie.
Andy, you know, I could've...
You know, I could've
told you sooner.
You know, I could've talked
to you about the thing.
I owe that to you because
you're, you know...
You mean, you're saying
I'm your friend?
You're not wearing
a wire, are you?
Thanks.
Yeah.
You're not really quitting
the band, are you?
Well, I won't
on two conditions.
The first, I insist you guys
play that gig with Eddie.
Yes!
I mean, you know,
whatever you think, Andy.
But I want free tickets,
front row seats,
and all the dirty martinis
a fat man can knock back.
That's four conditions.
No, that's my first condition
with three subsets.
All right, all right.
Here's my second.
The name Funky Wizards stays.
I would rather
spend my weekends
watching Antiques Roadshow
than call the band
Funky Wizards.
It's good to have you back.
Hello, Maybelline.
Daddy's home.
(PLAYING SHAVE AND A HAIRCUT
RIFF)
Andy!
I can blues that up.
You better.
One, two, three, four.
(PLAYING BLUES MUSIC)