08x15 - A Christmas Story

[bunniefuu]

(fanfare plays)

That'll about do it, Sam.

You're short one sack of sugar.

Won't have that till the
freight wagon gets in.

Sugar, sugar, sugar.
Everybody wants sugar.

Well, Christmas pies,
Christmas cookies.

I'll bet Hop Sing's
been baking for a week.

Merry Christmas, ma'am.

Mm-mmm, how'd you like to
find that in your stocking, huh?

Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.

You know, I get sick
and tired of hearing that.

Christmas is still
two weeks away.

They're gonna wear it
out before it gets here.

Next thing you know,
they're gonna start celebrating

Christmas on Thanksgiving.

All the old spirit's gone. It's
getting way too commercial.

Ah, Miss Jones, you're
just the one I wanted to see.

I've got a lot of dandy
things for Christmas.

Hey, you know,
Sam, you're right.

It's getting way too commercial.

Hey, here comes the stage.

- Hope old Andy's on there.
- Don't worry, he'll be there.

He wouldn't miss
the Christmas party.

What'd I tell you?

- Hey, hey, hey! How you doing?
- Hey, Joe!

- Hey, good to see you, buddy.
- Hey, Hoss.

- Hey, you're looking great.
- You guys look good, too.

Hey, we sure want to
thank you for coming down

and taking the time off
from all those big jobs...

Cost us a lot of money. Yes,
sir, it cost us a lot of money,

but when Andy gives his
word, he always keeps it.

Ah, driver, that was
a very stylish ride.

- Uncle Thadeus.
- I-I'm gonna tell you, my boy,

and I rate you more than equal
to the finest drivers in Europe.

Thank you very
much, my good man.

Now, Andy, you take the
luggage up to the hotel suite.

Uncle Thadeus, this is
Joe and Hoss Cartwright.

The Cartwright boys.
Well, hello there.

Well, I've glad... Man,
he's a big 'un, ain't he?

Yeah, he sure is.

You know, any friend of
Andy's is a friend of mine.

This is a pleasure
meeting you here.

Andy, now you go
up to the hotel suite

and get your rest, you hear?

'Cause playing these benefits
for free'll sap your strength

just like if you was
getting money for 'em.

Yeah, uh, uh, but instead
of staying at the hotel,

we figured you'd stay
with us out at the ranch.

- Yeah.
- Oh, I'm sorry,

but I always got to be
near a telegraph office.

I got so many big deals
on the pile for Andy.

Not only in this country
but all over Europe.

Uh...

Well, where is the
office, by the way?

Uh, it's right around
the corner here.

Oh, oh... (stammering)

Thank you very much.

I-I'll see you later, boys...

Well, you see, Uncle Thadeus
has his own way of doing things.

Well, things have changed
since I was here last time, fellas.

- Yeah.
- I mean, I'm in show business now,

and, well, I've learned you
have to let your manager

- handle things for you.
- He's your manager?

- Yeah, that's right.
- You got a ma... Son of a g*n.

Hey, how about coming
over to the saloon

and singin' a song for
us, for old times' sake?

Old Mike's still on the piano
and he ain't changed a bit.

- Hey, how about it? Come on.
- Well, look, you guys go ahead,

and I'm gonna get this
luggage up to the hotel and I'll...

- Well, here, we'll help you.
- No, no, we'll give you a hand

- with it.
- No, no, no, fellas, I can get it, really.

Well, all this stuff. Come
on, let us give you a hand

- with the luggage.
- No, Joe, thanks a lot. Thank you.

I'll see you over there and
I'll do that song for you. Okay?

All right. See you at the
saloon, now. Don't forget.

Take it easy, Andy.

Things sure changed
for old Andy, hadn't they?

Yeah, they sure have.

Hey, how about a beer?

You buying?

How about getting the mail?

(theme song playing)

♪ Oh, fare thee
well, old Joe Clark ♪

♪ Fare thee well, I'm gone ♪

♪ Fare thee well,
old Joe Clark ♪

♪ I better be gettin' on ♪

♪ Old Joe Clark had a house ♪

♪ 16 stories high ♪

♪ Every story in that house ♪

♪ Was filled with chicken pie ♪

♪ I went down to
old Joe's house ♪

♪ I'd never been there before ♪

♪ He slept on a feather bed ♪

♪ And I slept on the floor ♪

♪ Oh, fare thee
well, old Joe Clark ♪

♪ Fare thee well, I'm gone ♪

♪ Fare thee well,
old Joe Clark ♪

♪ I better be gettin' on ♪

♪ Old Joe Clark has a mule ♪

♪ His name is Morgan Brown ♪

♪ Every tooth
that mule has got ♪

♪ Is 16 inches round ♪

♪ The higher up
the cherry tree ♪

♪ The riper grows a cherry ♪

♪ The more you hug
and kiss the girls ♪

♪ The sooner they will marry ♪

♪ Oh, fare thee
well, old Joe Clark ♪

♪ Fare thee well, I'm gone ♪

♪ Fare thee well,
old Joe Clark ♪

♪ I better be gettin' on ♪

♪ Better be gettin' on. ♪

(cheering)

That's good, Andy, that's good.

All right, all
right, that's all.

That's all.

Always leave them wanting more,

that's my motto.

You save your vocal
cords, you hear?

And I don't want you
wasting your talents,

because talent is a
very precious commodity.

Mind if I sit down?

No, please do, Mr. Cade.

- Yes, sir.
- Absolutely.

Oh, Uncle Thadeus,

we were just
having a lot of fun.

You know, just like
old times, huh, Joe?

Yeah, I'll tell you one thing:

we really missed
you around here.

Hey, how long do
you think you can stay?

Just long enough to
play that charity benefit

that you people
talked us into doing.

We got a thousand things
more important than this.

Well, I was hoping we could
stay a few days past Christmas.

No, I think we'll be
heading for Paris

a couple days after Christmas.

Paris?

All the way to Texas?

Paris, France.

France?

Hey, boy... Andy,
that's wonderful.

I'm beginning to see
why you need a manager.

THADEUS: And he
ain't the only one to see it.

Here.

Have my card.

"Thadeus Cade, Im... presario."

Ah, yes.

I've been doing some
big things for Andy.

You know, we just finished
a two weeks' engagement

at the famous White
Parrot in San Francisco.

Yeah, where we didn't get paid.

That was just a
misunderstanding.

I think I explained
the whole thing to you.

You know, you have to
hit a couple of broken rungs

on the ladder to get
to success. (chuckles)

Ah, yes, I'm thinking of a
big European tour for Andy:

London, Paris,
Rome... the works.

Uncle Thadeus, couldn't
we talk about this later?

You know, Joe, Hoss and myself,

well, we got a lot of
visiting to catch up on.

Oh, all right.

Go ahead.

The three of you
have your visit.

I'm just a thoughtless old man.

But it's because
I'm so proud of you.

You understand? Go on, go on,

the three of you
have your visit.

Well, Uncle Thadeus, I
didn't mean for you to leave.

Oh... go on.

You visit with the boys. I...

Don't worry about me.

I-I'll be all right.

Well, he sort of gets
carried away once in a while.

But in this business, well,

you sort of have to toot
your own horn, I guess.

Sure you do.

You wait till you know him.

You're going to like
him as much as I do.

Listen, he won't let you sing,

but it sure can't hurt
your throat to have a beer.

What about it?

Hey, Cosmo, three beers!

Thanks, Hoss.

It's all right, Joe.

(laughing)

(muttering in Chinese)

No sugar.

How you expect Hop
Sing to make cookie?

Mr. Hoss, you try.

Mr. Hoss, you no get.

Trying, getting is a
two different thing.

(muttering in Chinese)

Joe, I-I don't
care what you say,

I'm still impressed
by that feller.

Yeah, I think
Hop Sing's terrific.

Oh, not Hop Sing. Andy's uncle.

You know who I'm talking about.

Who?

The impresario. Andy's uncle.

Andy's mother's brother.

Yeah.

The, uh, black sheep
of the family, as I recall.

There. Hey, now,
did you hear that?

Hear that?

Tell him, Pa. Black
sheep of the family, right?

Well, Andy's father,
when he was alive,

didn't have too much
use for him, as I recall.

Oh, no.

Oh, no, not now, of all times.

What's the matter?
Something wrong?

No, as... well, as
a matter of fact,

it's something good.

You remember that lumber
contract we were negotiating?

Well, apparently, they
want to close the deal.

Hey, that's great.

Sure, it's great.

Except they want me to come
to San Francisco immediately

so we can complete all
the necessary paperwork.

Yeah, well, you can't leave now.

Not with the charity
Christmas party.

I'll be back in
time for the party,

but I'm in charge of
most of the arrangements,

of the collection
of all the pledges...

Oh, Pa, seein' as you're the
chairman of that whole shebang,

you could appoint
somebody, couldn't you?

Yeah, I suppose I could.

Hey, well, how about the, uh,

how about the widow Manwaring?

Well, she's done an
awful lot for the orphanage.

Well, as a matter
of fact, she has.

If it hadn't been for her,

I suppose we wouldn't be
building a new orphanage.

But, oh, that woman is probably

the most strong-willed
woman on the face of the earth.

She's already in charge of
some of the arrangements.

If I left, she'd probably
take over complete control.

I... I... Hoss...

I want you to make sure

she doesn't take
over while I'm gone.

I... I got to see to...?

How come me?

Because I've just appointed you

to be in charge of
all the arrangements

for the Ponderosa
party while I'm away.

Pa, I can't do that, I...

Hoss, please, don't
give me any arguments.

If I pack right now,

I might still be able to make
that stage this afternoon.

- You can make it, Pa.
- But, Pa, I can't do no...

- Pa, I ain't no...
- Don't you worry about a thing, Pa.

You picked the
right man for the job.

Well, you can handle women.

- Pa!
- (Little Joe laughs)

(Thadeus chuckles)

You know, my boy,

we're making a big
impression in this town.

Yes, sir, a big impression.

Uncle, uh, Thadeus, I...

I meant to speak
to you about that.

Why, go ahead, my boy,
speak up. What's on your mind?

Well, this business of
impressing everybody.

I... I know in San Francisco

how important
you told me it was,

but I grew up around here

and-and I know everybody.

Mm-hmm. And they're
gonna know you better.

A lot better.

That's part of my job, you know.

Well, I just wish you wouldn't

try to impress
Hoss and Little Joe,

because they're
my closest friends.

Listen, will you leave
the management to me?

And remember, it was your idea

to come down here
and sing for free.

Now, you just let your Uncle
Thadeus handle all these things.

Okay?

Yes, sir.

If that's what
you say, yes, sir.

Listen, Hoss, uh...

after you pick up the supplies,

you'll have to go up to
the Indian reservation

and talk to the, uh,
talk to the agent.

Pa, I never will
get all this done

before that Christmas party.

- Can Joe help me?
- I told you.

Joe's got plenty of work
to tend to at the ranch

and I got a stage
to catch. Now get in.

Yes, sir.

I never will get all
this done, though.

You'll manage.

Oh, listen, I've got
Sam Bryant down here

for a thousand-dollar
contribution.

You make sure that skinflint

- doesn't give you one dollar less.
- Yes, sir.

Giddyap, giddyap!

Hyah!

Would you mind
saying that again?

Well, I...

I said that Pa has you down
for a thousand dollars, Sam.

Look, Sam, I-I ain't wanting
to collect the money right now.

I just... I just
want the pledge.

We'll collect the money

out at the Christmas
party at the Ponderosa.

A thousand dollars?

Has Ben Cartwright
lost his reasoning?

I said I'd contribute
to the fund.

I didn't say that I would build
the orphanage on my own.

Now, $500 and not one cent more.

$750?

$500.

$500. Thanks a lot, Sam.

(piano playing)

♪ Oh, don't you remember
sweet Betsy from Pike ♪

♪ Who crossed the big
mountains with her lover, Ike ♪

♪ With two yoke of cattle
and a large yellow dog ♪

♪ A tall Shanghai rooster
and one spotted hog ♪

♪ They soon reached the
desert where Betsy gave out ♪

♪ And out in the sand,
she lay rolling about ♪

♪ While Ike, half distracted,
looked on with surprise ♪

♪ Saying, Betsy, get up ♪

♪ You'll get sand in your eyes ♪

♪ A miner said, Betsy,
will you dance with me? ♪

♪ I will that, old hoss, if
you don't make too free ♪

♪ But don't dance me hard,
do you want to know why? ♪

♪ Doggone you, I'm
chock-full of strong alkali ♪

♪ Saying good-bye, Pike
County, farewell for a while ♪

♪ We'll come back again when
we've panned out our pile ♪

♪ This Pike County couple
got married, of course ♪

♪ And Ike became
jealous, obtained a divorce ♪

♪ Sweet Betsy, well
satisfied, said with a shout ♪

♪ Good-bye, you old lummox ♪

♪ I'm glad you backed out ♪

♪ Saying good-bye, Pike
County, farewell for a while ♪

♪ We'll come back again ♪

♪ When we've
panned out our pile! ♪

(song ends, applause)

Howdy, Hoss.

Howdy, Roy.

Give me a beer, Cosmo.

Ain't you in town kind
of late this evening?

Seems like, uh,

everyplace I went
today, you was there.

Wish I'd never seen
this dad-burned town.

Oh, Hoss, I hear that
you're doing a fine job

with the benefit arrangements.

Well, maybe you ought to
get your ears cleaned out

and do a little more hearing.

I ain't having no luck at all
collecting that $20,000, Roy.

SHERIFF: Well, if I was you,

I wouldn't be a bit discouraged.

You-You're just
tired, that's all.

HOSS: You're
dad-burned right I'm tired.

You can bet your
grandma's stockings on that.

Did you ever try
to collect $20,000

from this bunch of onion heads?

What about that Christmas
tree you was going to cut for me?

Did I promise to cut
a Christmas tree?

Aw, come on, Roy, not you, too.

You promised to cut me
a 25-foot Christmas tree.

Oh, Hoss, you losing
your reasoning?

A 25-foot Christmas tree?

Out of the question.

How about a 15?

(sighs)

20?

15 is the absolute limit.

15.

Well, I'll see you at the party.

Uh, 15-foot tree.

Say, what's the
matter there, Hoss?

You look awful
down in the mouth.

Is there anything I
can do to help you?

No. I don't reckon
there's anything

anybody can do
to help, Mr. Cade.

I-I got $20,000 to raise
before Christmas Eve,

and I'm the one in
charge of collecting it.

$20,000.

Well, that's a sizable amount.

But not doing so well, eh?

I ain't doing worth a hoot.

The only thing I am doing is
getting blisters on my heels.

You know, Hoss, I took to
you the minute I met you.

And it grieves
me deeply, really,

to see you in this bad position.

What it sounds to me like is

that you're in need of
professional management.

Professional management?

Well, it's just a
thought, you see,

but I've handled
expositions, big fairs,

benefits...

Mr. Cade, you mean
that you'd volunteer to...

Well, yes... raising money is
one of my particular talents.

Boy, Mr. Cade, if, if
you'd help me out here, I...

THADEUS: Well, you put it
that way, I can't refuse you.

I figure it's my duty
for Andy's friends.

Now, the ten percent
commission, you know,

that I get for raising
the, you know,

the total amount
of the funds I raise,

that seems trivial, doesn't it?

Ten percent of the total?

Doggone it, Mr. Cade,

I-I reckon I better
talk to Pa about that.

But you said you were in charge.

Now, listen, what
this all boils down to,

would you rather
take 90% of something,

or a hundred percent of nothing?

You know, doggone it,
when you put it that way,

it sort of makes
sense, don't it?

Mr. Cade, you just lifted
$20,000 worth of burden

off my shoulders.

Son, it's a pleasure
to be of service.

(laughs)

Hoss, Hoss, you didn't.

Tell me you didn't.

I most certainly did.

Pa's gonna be mighty proud

he left me in charge
of this outfit, too.

Oh, yes, he certainly is
gonna be mighty proud

when he has to make
up that ten percent

you promised to
pay Thadeus Cade.

Joseph, when a
man is left in authority,

he has to make decisions,

and he has to make them
quick and snappy like that,

and I've made mine
and I'll stand on it.

So did Napoleon at Waterloo.

Mr. Cade, I don't want you to
be discouraged over Sam Bryant,

because he's probably
just one of the tightest fellas

you'll ever meet
in your whole life.

Pa had him down
for a thousand dollars,

and all I could get him
to pledge was $500.

My boy, I never seen a turnip
yet I couldn't get blood out of.

Lead me to him.

Good. Come on.

SAM: You know, Miss
Jones, I wish all my customers

had as good a taste as you do.

You know, you think
about those carpet slippers

and that throat broach.

Christmas just comes
once a year, you know.

Merry Christmas, Mr. Bryant.

- Well, good morning.
- Hi, Sam.

Sam, I don't think
you've had the pleasure

of meeting Mr. Thadeus Cade.

This is Mr. Sam
Bryant, Mr. Cade.

Mr. Cade here is a
professional impresario, Sam,

and I've just employed him

to sort of manage
our orphanage fund.

I thought we'd
gone through that.

Merely checking,
Mr. Bryant, merely checking.

I've talked to your
chief competitor,

uh, Herb Maxwell, I believe.

And he very generously
contributed a thousand dollars.

Of course, he said your
business wasn't quite up to his.

Oh, he did, did he?

That customer-stealing,

back-biting,
so-called storekeeper.

I do twice the
business Herb Maxwell

ever thought of doing.

Put me down for $1,500.

I knew you were a
giant of commerce

the minute I saw you.

Oh, uh, come to
think of it, Mr. Maxwell,

you know, paid in cash.

Well, how do you
think I'm going to pay?

You wait right there.

Uh, Mr. Cade,

did-did Herb Maxwell
pay us in cash?

He will, my boy.

He will.

(chuckles)

(sighs) I'll tell you, Mr. Cade,

you-you've done a
mighty good job up till now.

I feel like I got to warn you

about this next old
sister you're gonna meet.

Her name is Manwaring,
Widow Manwaring.

She's probably one of the
most headstrong women

you'll ever run into
in your whole life.

And she ain't altogether happy

of my pa putting me in
charge of this shebang.

As a matter of
fact, she ain't happy

unless she's running
the whole show herself.

And she's gonna try to
take your job away from you.

Important lady, is she?

Yeah, and we're gonna
have to put up with her.

Dad-burnit, she's sort of a
social leader around here.

See, her husband made
one of the biggest silver strikes

in the whole history
of Virginia City.

When he died he left her

$5 million or $6
million, I reckon.

And she's pretty generous
with social affairs like this,

like this orphanage
fund drive now.

$6 million?

Shucks, Hoss,
she can't be all bad.

She sounds like a
pillar of society to me.

- Yeah.
- Come on.

- Let's go see her.
- All right.

Help me out, son, will you?

I'm-I'm not the dashing
young lieutenant

that I used to be. (laughs)

- Is it down here?
- Yeah, here.

(clearing throat)

Yes? May I help you?

May you help?

Mrs. Manwaring,

after all you've done
for this community...

Well, I've tried to do my part.

Your part?

Don't you think I've
heard of your fame?

How much can you work,

and the way you've labored
here for sweet charity.

How do you keep yourself looking

as fresh as a buttercup?

(chuckles)

Well, it is trying at times.

Of course it is.

That's why I insisted
that Mr. Cartwright

enlist some professional help.

Oh, pardon me.

I forgot to introduce myself.

My card.

"Thadeus Cade.

Impresario"?

Mm-hmm.

Now, I would like to
offer my humble help,

if I may, as I suggested
to Mr. Cartwright.

Especially I've heard that
your fund-raising campaign

has been progressing
a bit slowly.

"Slowly."

If Hoss Cartwright knew
what he was doing...

THADEUS: I know, I know,
but it's wrong to expect

professional
management from him.

You mean you would
take over the management

of raising the campaign fund?

Only with your
approval, my dear lady.

That is a completely
wonderful idea.

It's just the sort of thing I
would have thought of myself.

Well, I'm-I'm glad you see
it that way, Mrs. Manwaring,

but there's something
else you ought to know...

Hoss Cartwright,
you're interrupting.

That's simply wonderful.

Why, Mr. Cade, you don't
know what this means to me.

- Yeah.
- And to the campaign, of course.

Professional management...
It's a wonderful idea.

Thank you, my darling,
for your confidence.

And now if you'll excuse
me, there's work to be done.

Will you excuse me?

Thank you so much again.

- (laughs)
- Oh, mercy.

Oh, dear.

- Sorry.
- Oh.

I'll, uh, see you in
a minute, Mr. Cade.

Uh, Mrs. Manwaring,

there's still something
you need to know.

You know, he-he don't work free.

Such a fascinating man.

Yeah. Yes, he is.

Ma'am, he charges a
commission, ten percent.

Well, Mr. Cade is a
professional manager.

He's entitled to a commission.

Well, doggone it, that's
kind of the way I saw it, too,

but my little brother
was all upset about...

Such a fascinating man.

Yeah, well, uh,
good day, ladies.

(chuckling): "Fresh
as a buttercup."

My!

Wonderful.

Oh, sugar!

Thank you.

Thank you, oh!

(humming along with guitar)

That's all right.

Keep right on singing.

Don't let me interrupt. (laughs)

Uncle Thadeus, I, uh, I wanted
to speak to you about something.

Well, go ahead.
Feel free to speak.

What is it?

Well, it's about my
singing in the saloon

last night, Uncle Thadeus.

Wonderful performance.
One of your very best.

Uncle Thadeus, Mr. McBride
is a friend of mine. And...

and all the people who
were there were my friends.

I-I sang because I wanted to.

Your performance showed it.

What I mean is, I didn't want
to be paid for it, Uncle Thadeus.

I sang because I wanted to.

You charged Mr. McBride
for that performance.

Of course I did.

You're a professional, so am I.

And professional
people don't offer

their services for nothing.

And is that why you're
charging Hoss Cartwright

ten percent commission
to handle that benefit fund?

Oh, that.

Don't you realize how
that makes me feel?

Andy...

I don't expect you to
understand everything I do.

Your pa couldn't
understand me either.

But your ma did.

And you know something?
You're a lot like her.

What a remarkable woman she was.

She was always
singing and laughing.

And... well, she was a dreamer.

And so am I.

But I have to be practical
like your pa was, too.

What I'm trying to
say to you, Andy, is,

you realize I'm the
only living relative

that you got left.

So I figure that I
kind of got to fill in

for both your ma and your pa.

Do you understand that?

Yes, Uncle Thadeus.

At, at least I try to.

Of course, I'm not everything

that a uncle should be.

I... I get a little loud
from time to time.

And I stretch the truth
now and then and...

Well, like I said, I'm...

I'm trying to understand.

Say, that song you were
humming when I came in?

That was your mother's
favorite, wasn't it?

Sing it for me, will you?

For free.

No commission.

(quiet laugh)

♪ When love ♪

♪ Leaves and breaks ♪

♪ Your heart ♪

♪ Your dreams ♪

♪ Simply fall ♪

♪ Apart ♪

♪ You see a world ♪

♪ Sad and blue ♪

♪ So unfamiliar ♪

♪ To you ♪

♪ You look for lips ♪

♪ That you once kissed ♪

♪ But they're lost in mist ♪

♪ Oh, it's funny ♪

♪ How nothing seems ♪

♪ Quite so clear ♪

♪ When you're ♪

♪ Looking through ♪

♪ A tear ♪

♪ The face in the crowd ♪

♪ You think is her face ♪

♪ Seem to fade ♪

♪ In a shade ♪

♪ Of lonely ♪

♪ You wait ♪

♪ For a chance ♪

♪ To catch another glance ♪

♪ But she ♪

♪ Really wasn't there ♪

♪ Her words ♪

♪ Linger in your ears ♪

♪ Good-bye is ♪

♪ All that you can hear. ♪

I don't think you want to
hear anymore, Uncle Thadeus.

Thank you, Andy.

Thank you very much.

There's a walk I've
been wanting to take.

(door closes)

Well, Ma and Pa,
it's... it's Christmas.

But it don't mean much
without you being here.

I've tried to live the
way you taught me.

And... and I've tried hard

to understand Uncle Thadeus.

Oh, I know he means well and...

he's been awful good to me.

Please help me be good to him.

Hey, Joe.

Just got a telegram. Pa's
gonna be on the noon stage.

Hey, that's good news.
He sure cut it close,

seeing as tonight's
Christmas Eve.

Yeah. Doggone.

That's gonna be
some party, ain't it?

I can't hardly wait to see
the expression on Pa's face

when he finds out what
a good job I've done.

(short laugh)

I just don't understand
how you could do it.

I just don't understand how
you could give away ten percent!

But, Pa, Mr. Cade
is an impresario.

I don't care if he's
the man in the moon!

This is, this is not a
business deal, it's charity!

People are donating
their time, their money.

Pa, he's done a marvelous job.

He's already collected $20,000.

And in cash.

- Did you say "in cash"?
- That's right.

Where's the cash?

Well, he's got it, of course.

"He's got it, of course."

You were supposed to collect
the pledges, not the cash.

The cash was supposed
to be delivered here

tonight at the party.

Pa, Mr. Cade knows
about these things,

and he explained
it to me this way.

He said that very often
people will pledge money,

but they never show
up with the cash.

BEN: "They never
show up with the cash."

Well, you'd just
better make sure

that he shows up with the cash.

For all you know,
he may be halfway

to San Francisco right now!

Oh, Pa.

He wouldn't do
a thing like that.

Good gracious.

Well, he'd better not
do a thing like that, Hoss.

Because, my friend,
you are still in charge.

He wouldn't really
do a thing like that.

(organ playing "O
Come, All Ye Faithful")

(indistinct chatter)

Tha-Thank you, Hop Sing.

Excuse me.

Ben, I think you're
worrying about nothing.

That Thadeus Cade
has been working

day and night,
raising this money.

I just wish he hadn't
collected it all in cash.

Well, if you're worried about
it, why don't you just go over

and ask him to
turn it over to you?

After all, you're the chairman.

I did ask him. He
didn't bring it with him.

- He didn't?
- No, he didn't.

Well, I'll go over and
take him right into town.

We'll get that money.

No, no, don't do
anything like that.

Don't want to embarrass Andy.

(indistinct chatter)

When I get a chance maybe
I'll have a word with him alone.

Good idea.

HATTIE: Ben?

Miss Hattie.

Ben, it's time for Andy's song.

Now, I want this party to
proceed just as I scheduled it.

Mr. Cade has done so much.

Now we must do our part.

Yes, I'll introduce Andy.

Uh, ladies and gentlemen.

Boys and girls.

Well, I've been, uh,
watching the weather,

and I've been hoping we'd
have a white Christmas.

But it looks as if
we're not gonna have

any snow this season.

But we have something even
more wonderful than snow.

Yes, sir.

Virginia City's favorite singer

has come home from San
Francisco to sing for us tonight.

And here he is... Andy Walker.

♪ There's a magic in the air ♪

♪ Snow is falling everywhere ♪

♪ It's the season to be jolly ♪

♪ So they say ♪

♪ Home is where I want to be ♪

♪ On Christmas ♪

♪ Home is far too many miles ♪

♪ Away ♪

♪ I can hear the children sing ♪

♪ And the happy
sleigh bells ring ♪

♪ And for everyone ♪

♪ It's quite a holiday ♪

♪ Home is where I want to be ♪

♪ On Christmas ♪

♪ And home is far
too many miles ♪

♪ Away ♪

♪ I've traveled ♪

♪ Much too far ♪

♪ I've wandered ♪

♪ Night and day ♪

♪ Although ♪

♪ I haven't written ♪

♪ They know ♪

♪ I'm on ♪

♪ My way ♪

♪ Happy folks will have a go ♪

♪ Underneath the mistletoe ♪

♪ People everywhere will chase ♪

♪ Their cares away ♪

♪ Home is where I want to be ♪

♪ On Christmas ♪

♪ Home is far too many miles ♪

♪ Away ♪

♪ Home is where I want to be ♪

♪ On Christmas ♪

♪ And home is far
too many miles... ♪

♪ Away... ♪

(organ playing "God Rest
You Merry, Gentlemen")

(knocking on door)

(knocking on door)

Uh, come in, come in.

Ah, Mr. Cartwright,
glad you dropped in.

You know, we haven't had
much of a chance to visit.

No, we haven't.

I've been looking forward
to having a little talk with you.

Oh, I know what you're gonna
say, and I-I want to tell you

that I appreciate your
concern for my welfare.

But, you see, this
work has to be done.

It just has to be done.

Efficiency, that's my
middle name, you know.

Well, you have been
very efficient, Mr. Cade.

I must say that.

And I-I want again
to congratulate you

on the wonderful
job that you've done.

Of course, the sooner
you get the money to us,

the sooner we get to
work on the orphanage.

That's why I figured I
have to work tonight.

Now, as soon as I
get all this worked up,

I'll go into town,
I'll get the money,

and then I'll start
reconciling the vouchers.

Sure wish you'd brought
the money with you tonight.

I wouldn't pack this
kind of money at night.

Road agents and brigands.

No, no.

This money is my responsibility.

I know how important it is.

Important.

That's the very word, Mr. Cade.

I'm glad you realize it, too,

because those
children downstairs,

did you see their faces?

The glow of excitement.

You feel the spirit of
joy in this house tonight?

And all because of
what you have done.

Think of it, Mr. Cade.

You're providing food and
shelter for those children.

Something that some of
them have never had before.

I've given an
awful lot of thought

to what this much money can do.

Now, I must get
back to my paperwork

because I don't want
anything to slip now.

Neither do I, Mr. Cade.

Neither do I.

(organ plays "Jingle
Bells," people clap along)

Hop Sing, I think you'd
better get the cookies.

HATTIE: Oh, Ben?

What is it, Hattie?

It's time for your story.

Isn't the party
going splendidly?

It's just as I planned it.

Oh, children, why
don't you get out...?

That's right, let
Mr. Cartwright sit there.

- Excuse me.
- Thank you.

You know,

the story I-I'd like
to read to you...

is about, uh...

well, it's about a mean old man

whose name was Scrooge.

Hey, what are you doing
out here by yourself?

Ain't nothing wrong, is there?

Oh, no, no, Joe,
nothing's wrong.

I, uh...

I was just doing a
little thinking, that's all.

Hey, why don't you, why
don't you come on inside?

Pa's gonna start the reading.

No, no, you, uh, you go ahead.

I-I'd like to stay out here
in the fresh air for a minute.

- You're sure?
- Yeah.

Okay, I'll see you inside.

Oh, Uncle Thadeus, could
I talk to you for a minute?

Um, I have to get to
campaign headquarters.

I have to get the
accounting finished up.

Well, it will only
take a minute, Uncle.

Well, uh, just for a moment.

I-I have my
responsibilities, you know.

"And poor Bob Cratchit
had to bundle all up

"because Scrooge
wouldn't let him buy any coal.

"And if anyone even so
much as mentioned Christmas,

Scrooge would
yell, 'Bah, humbug! ""

But when I saw the way
you handled the benefit

and the way everybody
in Virginia City took to you,

I realized I'd been all wrong
about you, Uncle Thadeus.

Uncle Thadeus, I don't want
to be a stone around your neck.

I know what family means
to you and everything,

but I have no right to expect
you to waste your talents on me.

I'm young yet

and, well, I have a lot
of time ahead of me.

Really, what I'm trying
to say, Uncle Thadeus, is,

I thought I understood you,
but I guess I really didn't at all.

You see, I thought it
was you who needed me.

Now I realize you
don't need anybody.

(stammers) L-Let's
talk about that later.

I-I have to get to work.

I promised these people a full
accounting within three days.

But that's exactly what
I mean, Uncle Thadeus.

You're just like Ma.

You're always thinking
about other people.

I know how anxious you are
to see the orphanage started,

but can't you just take time
to stay for the rest of the party?

It's Christmas Eve,
Uncle Thadeus.

Just think about
yourself for once.

"And so, as Tiny Tim observed,

God bless us, everyone."

- Did you like that, huh?
- Oh, yeah.

- Huh?
- Oh, yeah.

Was it a good story?

Did you enjoy that, huh?

Did you really enjoy that?

Well, look over there!

- Ho, ho, ho!
- (kids scream in excitement)

Merry Christmas, Uncle Thadeus.

Merry Christmas.

Holy buttercup.

I must be out of my mind.

Help me down, son.

Follow me.

Ho, ho, ho!

(children cheering)

All right, all right, all right.

Ladies and gentlemen,

I-I've been accused many times
of making theatrical entrances.

And I sincerely hope that
I'm making one tonight.

In this portfolio, I
have $20,000 in cash.

Now, I told Hoss Cartwright,

I says it'll take me at least
three days to do my accounting

and straighten up
all the odds and ends.

But, folks, that
was just a ruse.

I planned all along to bring
this money here tonight

to give to you at this
wonderful little gathering.

Now, ain't you ashamed
of yourself, Ben Cartwright?

Oh, come on, now.

Santa Claus, you've
devoted your life

to doing nice things
for little children.

Santa Claus, I'm going to give
you a chance to do even more.

Here's a present
for you, Santa Claus.

Given to you by these wonderful
people from Virginia City.

And as my contribution, folks,

I want you all to know, I'm
not taking out my commission.

What am I saying here?

Uh, excuse me, excuse me.

Excuse me, Hoss.

Excuse me.

Thadeus, you
were just wonderful.

Wonderful, wonderful!

You know, I was wondering,

would you consider being
my business manager?

My dear lady, how
could I possibly say no?

Oh, dear lady,

when I look in
your beautiful eyes,

I see six million... buttercups.

Oh, Thadeus.

Hattie.

May I call you Hattie?

Oh, please do.

Dear, dear manager.

Um, excuse me just a minute.

Uh, Andy, could I speak
to you for just a minute?

Sure.

Andy, you know I've
brought you a long ways.

Yes, sir, Uncle Thadeus,
I know you have.

But as you were saying outside,

a man does have to
fly on his own wings.

Now, Andy, this may
come as a shock to you,

but all my life I've
wanted a home.

And I-I think I've
found one here.

Now, don't think I'm
running out on you,

because, well,
I-I'll keep in touch.

But, Uncle Thadeus, I
don't want another manager.

Now, no tears, son.

Remember, you're a grown man.

Look!

Andy, it's beginning to snow!

Hey, it's snowing.

Yeah.

We're gonna have a
white Christmas after all.

Mr. Cade, Thadeus,

I want to thank you for
everything you've done.

Oh, it was nothing.

No, it was a whole lot.

And I thank you for it.

Thank you.

Andy, shall we, uh...?

Well, if I don't sing something,
I think I'm just going to burst.

Well, well, kids, gather
around here, huh?

Santa, you dispensed
all your presents?

(plays "Silent Night")

BEN AND ANDY: ♪ Silent night ♪

♪ Holy night ♪

♪ All is calm ♪

♪ All is bright ♪

♪ Round yon virgin ♪

♪ Mother and child ♪

♪ Holy infant ♪

♪ So tender and mild ♪

♪ Sleep in heavenly peace... ♪

♪ Sleep in heavenly ♪

♪ Peace. ♪

Merry Christmas, everybody.

ALL: Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas, Joseph.

Merry Christmas, Pa.

Merry Christmas, Hoss.

Merry Christmas, Pa.

Uh... (clears throat)
Mr. Cartwright.

ALL: Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas, Ben.

(indistinct chatter)