03x03 - Fearless Fonzarelli: Part 1

[bunniefuu]

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ The weekend
comes, my cycle hums ♪

♪ Ready to race to you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Share them with me ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ Good-bye, gray
sky, hello, blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can
hold me when I hold you ♪

♪ It feels so right,
it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rocking and
rolling all week long ♪

(saxophone solo plays
over rhythmic handclaps)

♪ Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪

♪ Tuesday, Wednesday,
happy days ♪

♪ Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪

♪ Saturday, what a day ♪

♪ Groovin' all week with you ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Share them with me ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Happy and free ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are
yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪

POTSIE: ♪ My friends say
I'm acting wild as a bug ♪

♪ I'm in love... Uh,
I'm all shook up... ♪

Happy Days is filmed
before a live audience.

♪ Ooh, hey doo-wop
doo-wop doo-wop ♪

♪ Well my hands are shaking
and my knees are weak ♪

♪ I can't seem to stand
on my own two feet ♪

♪ Who do you thank
when you have such luck? ♪

♪ I'm in love... Uh,
I'm all shook up ♪

♪ Ooh ooh, hey, hey,
doo-wop, doo-wop, doo-wop. ♪

(cheering and applause)

We'll split it.

Remember, you
took a sip of mine...

A dime each, sport, a dime each.

No sweat, guys, the
whole cents is on me.

No sweat at all.

RICHIE: All right Great.

$ . !

You're starting to sweat, Ralph.

Are they crazy?

I haven't got $ . .

Wait, girls, I'll borrow.

What is this?

cent booth minimum!

Minimum, is he crazy?

Wait a minute, where's Arnold.

Get Arnold out here.

Forget it. Arnold doesn't
like to leave the kitchen.

He thinks the help
is stealing food.

We're not paying this
check. You're right.

Hey, everybody, Arnold's
trying to get away with

a cent minimum.

Are we going to stand for that?

CROWD: No!

Let's get Arnold out here.
Yeah, we want Arnold.

♪ Doo-wop, doo-wop... ♪
♪ Doo-wop, doo-wop... ♪

CROWD: We want Arnold!

♪ Doo-wop, doo-wop... ♪
♪ Doo-wop, doo-wop... ♪

CROWD: We want Arnold!

♪ Doo-wop, doo-wop... ♪
♪ Doo-wop, doo-wop... ♪

What is this...
dew-wop, dew-wop?

This check. It's too much.

Yeah, why are you so cheap?

This joint's always packed.

Packed? Sure, but no money.

You kids take up
space with small soda

and big dew-wops. There's
no money in dew-wops.

But you need us.

Yeah, like Caucasian flu.

Wait a minute, Arnold,
this is ridiculous.

cents is a lot of money.

If my Milwaukee Fried Chicken
Take-Out Stand make money,

I don't need a minimum.

What chicken stand?

Ah, you see?

Nobody even know about it.

It's been there
for eight months.

Where?

Parking lot.

I don't understand...

I put up signs, I advertise

radio, newspapers... still
nobody know Arnold sell chicken.

I didn't know. I didn't
know he sold chicken.

I could have been big
hit in San Francisco.

You wait until Fonzie
hears about this.

Dew-wop.

RALPH: Hey, guys...

it's Paula Petrolunda...

When she walks, even
the Jell-O stands still.

She's so tall.

Yeah, but she's worth the climb.

Sorry, Fonzie, I
got something to do.

Yeah, well I got something
to do too, I was just practicing.

Hey, plant.

We can't.

What is this?

First Petrolunda
says she can't stay

and then I get
backtalk from Potsie.

What's everybody doing?

Taking a holiday
from being cool?

We can't even sit down.

Arnold put in a cent minimum.

Hey, it figures.

What are you going
to do about it, Fonz?

Yeah, what are you
going to do about it?

Pay it.

Are you all right?

Hey, Cunningham,
would you please sit down.

I only got a minute.

Well, the minimum
and everything...

Look, it's my treat... sit down.

You two, why don't
you go finger paint

in the corner or something.

You're not going to
pay it, are you, Fonz?

I mean, that's just a trick.

Cunningham, I don't know.

Weird things are happening...

strange things... things
that never happened before.

Like this cent minimum?

No, worse.

Something's
happening to the Fonz.

What is it?

This morning, an
-year-old punk

pulls into my garage, he says,

"Hey, my carburetor
needs adjusting.

You think you
can handle it, kid?"

"Kid"?!

Well, he must have
been from out of town.

You know what's happening?

No, what?

I'm losing it.

Losing what, Fonz?

Losing what?

I'm losing my cool.

Oh, no, you're probably
just having a slump.

Hey.

Everybody goes through slumps.

I mean, even Mantle
and Mays, those guys go...

Hey, hey, hey, hey, I'm
not talking about grown men

chasing little ba*ls
around a field.

I'm talking about the
Fonz losing his cool.

All right now,
maybe it is a slump

and then again maybe it is not.

Whatever it is, I got
to snap out of this fast.

Oh, yeah... I got a customer
coming down to the garage?

He says if I'm late he's
going to beat me up.

I am going to look ridiculous

wrestling with an
-year-old man.

Fonz. Yeah.

Could you come
here a minute? Yeah.

We don't have any change.

We thought maybe you
could start the jukebox.

Yeah, could you give
it the old Fonz touch?

Yeah.

(no music)

Hey, I'm in a slump.

JOANIE: What's on TV?

HOWARD: Oh, my favorite
show, You Wanted To See It.

Sure, I missed it last week.

Why don't you
fix the horizontal.

Everybody looks short and fat.

I like it that way.

Where were you, Rich?

I was up in Fonzie's room.

He may be down
a little bit later.

I thought he had a date.

He did, but something happened.

Fonzie doesn't have a date?

Don't ask him about
it. He's very depressed.

Fonzie doesn't have a date?

Will you just let me watch
the show, then I'll be his date.

(TV theme playing)

ANNOUNCER: Hi there, and
welcome to You Wanted To I See It.

We recently received a
letter from young Jason Haas

in Bethesda,
Maryland, and he writes,

"Dear Mr. Smith, the last
time I was taking a bath,

"my mother told me about a
family that can live, eat, swim,

"and even play gin
rummy under water.

If this is true, I
want to see it."

Well, Jason, here they are.

(water gurgling)

Oh, now how can they do that

without getting
the cards all soggy?

Maybe they're playing "Go Fish".

Good one, Joanie.

Now where do they
think of these things?

People write in.

Yeah, it's true.

Ralph writes in every week
but they never put his letter on.

Well, what does he ask for?

A human sacrifice.

Well, if they'll show this,

I don't understand why
they won't show that.

Look at all the free publicity
these people are getting.

Boy, I wish they'd do
that in my hardware store.

All your tools would rust.

I'm sorry, Howard.

(door rattling)

Oh, that's probably Fonzie.

Hey, listen, try
not to upset him.

He hasn't been
himself all day, all right?

(meekly): Hi, everybody.

Do you mind if I come in?

You're always welcome, Arthur.

How come you don't
have a date, Fonzie?

Hey, hey, what is
that, on the news?

The girl said her
grandmother died.

So she said.

Well, these things happen.

They never used to.

Man, I got to do something.

Oh, come on, Fonz,
get your mind off it.

We're watching You
Wanted To See It.

Yeah, would anybody
mind if I just pull up a chair?

Oh, yes, join us.

RICHIE: Come on.
It's a good show.

Oh, yeah, I know this show.

You just ask them to do
something and they do it...

just like I used to be.

Why is everybody
so short and fat?

I like it that way.

People living underwater...

they're just crazy.

I should be so crazy.

Tomorrow they're all
going to be celebrities.

Why did he play the queen?

Hey, hey, hey, is that true?

Celebrities?

Well, sure.

Whenever you do something
exciting on television,

you become famous
all over the country.

Those people there, they're
bubbling their way to fame.

Myron Harkay writes in,

"I'm in the fourth
grade in Peoria,

"and just the other day one
of my buddies mentioned

"a Peruvian monk he
heard of who can ride a llama

"through a flaming hoop.

"I want to see it.

"And you'll see
it in just a minute.

How did some
fourth grader in Peoria

find out about a Peruvian monk?

That's just what
I am going to do.

You're going to ride a
llama through a hoop?

No, I'll tell you
something much better.

Are you going to play
cards underwater?

No, that's for nerds.

What are you writing?

Hey, my slump is over.
This is a big one, huh?

Okay, Richie, you write in,

you tell them this is
what you want to see.

Wow, this is really big, Fonz.

Yeah, this is the biggest.

HOWARD: Well, what is it?

No, no. I want your
parents to be surprised.

Mrs. Cunningham,
you give this to a nerd.

The Fonz is back.

You Wanted To See It will
return after this message.

Marion, are you sure
that it's this week's show

that Richie wanted us to watch?

Yes, when he went to Potsie's
he said if we watched tonight,

we'd get the
surprise of our lives.

I'm already surprised.

Here the kids have left
us alone in the house

and you want to
watch television.

I like it when you're
frisky, Howard.

Oh, the commercial's over.

And now a word about
next week's show.

Little Richie
Cunningham of Milwaukee

has written to tell us
about a real daredevil.

And that's why next
week, we'll be going live,

direct from the parking
lot of Arnold's Drive In

home of the original
"Milwaukee Fried Chicken Stand".

I didn't know he had chicken.

The man in this picture
is Arthur Fonzarelli,

better known as
"Fearless Fonzarelli."

Our Fonzie?

Does he have a twin?

Next week he'll attempt,
and listen to this...

He'll attempt to
leap his motorcycle

over a world record
garbage cans,

beating the old record of ,

set by the late Big Daddy
Baylor, rest his soul.

Yes, next week, on
You Wanted To See It,

Fearless Fonzarelli
will risk his very life.

And you say there's
nothing good on television.

Okay, okay, that's
good... that's perfect.

Aw, too high, too high.

Oh okay, yeah,
yeah, that's good.

Good, good.

Tomorrow night going to be

the biggest night
in chicken history.

Let me see, I ordered
extra wings...

RALPH: Boy,
Arnold, are you lucky.

I mean, Fonzie could have
made this jump anywhere,

and somebody else would
have gotten all the publicity.

What you mean, lucky?

It cost me plenty to
have the jump here.

I buy the costume, I
buy the ramp he using...

And you promised to take
off the cent minimum, right?

Yeah, yeah, I help everybody.

Does anyone say,
"Thank you, Arnold"?

No.

You know what they say?

Sit on it, Arnold.
Sit on it, Arnold.

That's what they say.

Here comes the Fonz.

(cheering and applause)

I got 'em back, Malph.

We're all ready for
your big jump, Fonz.

Yeah, right, right.

You're looking good, Fonz.

Hey, only good,
Malph, only good?

No, no, great Fonz,
you're looking great.

All right.

Hey, you should see all
the TV stuff back there.

Jack Smith's
getting out of his car.

Wow! In person!

Hi, uh, I'm Burt Collins,
Jack Smith's assistant.

Uh, which one of you
guys is, uh, Fearless?

Are you Fearless?

No, I chicken.

Sir, right down
here, right over here.

Oh, hi, hi.

This is Fonzie, and I'm his
best friend, Ralph Malph.

Malph, Ralph Malph?

Where'd I hear that name before?

I'm not only
Fonzie's best friend,

but I also handle his promotion
and all his business affairs.

Oh, you're the nut that
keeps writing in every week

and asking for a
human sacrifice.

You got my letters.

It's a small world.

Hey, uh, I'm, uh, Burt Collins.

I have some papers
here we'd like you to sign.

Oh, Burt...

Oh, Jack, Jack, I'd like you
to meet Fearless Fonzarelli.

They, they made me buy chicken.

It's a write-off, Jack.

Sit down, kid.

I just wanted to wish
you luck, Fearless.

It'll be a great show.
Yeah, of course.

We're sitting over here, Jack.

I'm Ralph Malph, Mr. Malph.

I'll tell you about him later.

Uh, Burt, Burt, sir.

You got my letters, huh.

Yeah, yeah.

Say, uh, we never did do that
human sacrifice for you, did we?

No.

You know, uh, this
show, we might just be

k*lling two birds
with one stone.

What do you mean?

You don't think Fonzie's
going to make it?

No one has even
come close to cans.

This crazy nut may be the
first nationally televised suicide.

Wait a minute, if
no one's been close,

why are you letting him do it?

Because, "You Wanted To See It".

I just wanted to see a
plain human sacrifice.

A stranger.

Fonz, I got to talk to you.

Yeah, yeah. Hey, they want
me to sign these crazy papers.

"Special Liability Release

in Case of Fatal or
Near Fatal Collision."

It figures.

Hey, what figures?

The Fonz never cracks up.

That's what I've got
to talk to you about.

I called up the newspaper
to get some information.

All right... now did you
know that Big Daddy Baylor

jumped over
garbage cans in ?

So?

So since then a lot of guys

have tried to do , Fonz,

and none of them have made it.

A lot of guys, huh?

A lot.

Well, that's because
is an unlucky number.

That's why I'm taking cans.

But why do you have to jump?

Hey, to get out of
this slump, huh?

Hey, observe.

Whoa.

♪ You ain't nothin'
but a hound dog ♪

♪ Cryin' all the time ♪

♪ You ain't never
caught a rabbit ♪

♪ And you ain't
no friend of mine. ♪

FONZIE: Hey, is this, uh,
The Milwaukee Journal?

Yeah, yeah, what is all
this stuff you're handing out

about guys jumping
cans on their bikes

and smashing up?

Yeah?

Yeah.

That many, huh?

Well, listen, uh, are any
of them still, uh, you know...

None of them, huh?

No, no, thanks a
lot, that's all right.

What?

No, I don't want a subscription.

I may not be around to use it.

Oh.

I, Arthur Fonzarelli,

being of sound
mind... (knocking)

Yeah, Fonzie's free.

Got a minute, Fonz?

Yeah, sure, yeah.

My dad wants to talk to you.

That's great, Richie.
Just sit down for a minute.

I want you to help me here.

You're going to start
writing from where I left off.

You got good
penmanship, all right?

And, uh, your quickest
hand now, all right?

Leave all my
worldly possessions...

Is this a will?

Oh, no.

It's a letter to Santa
Claus telling him I moved.

Howard, I thought you were
going to speak to Fonzie.

Well I will, just as soon
as he comes down here.

Well he's probably busy.
Why don't you go up there?

If he's busy, Marion, he
doesn't want me up there.

It's your duty as a father.

I'm not his father.

Well, it's your
duty as a landlord.

Why didn't she say
that in the first place?

My entire comb
collection, intact...

No. This is ridiculous.

I'm not going to do this, Fonz.

Hey, hey, are you talking back?

(knocking) Come
in, come in quick.

What are you guys doing?

I thought you were coming down.

Nothing, we're
not doing anything.

He's writing out his will.

Hey, if I wanted your
father to know that,

I would have told him myself.

A will, huh. Well,
that's one of the reasons

I came up here to talk to you.

Mom asked him to.

Hey, listen, if I wanted
him to know that,

I would have told him myself.

Now, look, Fonzie,
when I found out

that you were going to try
and jump over garbage cans,

well, I wasn't very
concerned because I figured

you knew what you were
doing, that you'd done it before.

Hey, if I had done it before,
where would the trick be?

Yeah, but don't you see?

Richie told me that a
lot of guys have tried...

I know about a lot of
guys, they were all nerds.

Yeah, but the fact is, Fonz,
that they had special bikes,

and you're just going to be
using a regular street bike.

And that is all
I'm going to need.

Now listen, I said I
was going to do it,

and I'm going to do it.

How can I be the Fonz
if I go back on my word?

We could tell
everybody you're sick.

Who'd know the difference?

High Noon.

What?

Yeah, High Noon...
remember that picture? Right?

Grace Kelly thought
that Gary Cooper

was going to get wiped out,

so she tried to
convince Gary Cooper

to go back on his word.

Hey, you know, he
should have belted her one.

Hey, just do me a
favor, all right, Rich?

You just type this
up for me, all right?

And get out of here,
I need a lot of sleep.

I got something very
big to do tomorrow night.

We tried, Dad.

How can you reason with a
man who'd punch Grace Kelly?

They don't understand.

We should get free chicken
for setting up your dance floor.

Yeah, you can eat
all the wings you want.

Nobody like wings.

Everybody like drumstick.

(drumming)

Even her.

Hey, Fonzie.

Fonzie's almost ready.
He's combing his hair.

Combing his hair?
That will take an hour.

Hey kid, kid, yeah, you
take this to the stand,

and you push the wings.

Boy, my drumsticks
going like hotcakes.

Maybe I should
have sold hotcakes.

(crowd chanting): We want Fonzie!
We want Fonzie! We want Fonzie!

There's quite a crowd.

Don't you understand, Marion?

It's a big attraction.

Step right up, everybody,
and watch a garage mechanic

get broken into
separate pieces.

Richie, quick.

Fonzie needs another comb.

I got one.

He wanted a blue one.

I'm not good at these jobs.

There's Jack Smith.
He's on the air.

Fonzie's not a boarder,
he's like one of the family.

If only we'd been watching
Arthur Murray that night,

none of this would
have happened.

Marion, don't blame yourself.

I'm not. I'm blaming you.

Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen,

tonight, live, from
Arnold's Drive-In

and Milwaukee
Fried Chicken Stand,

You Wanted To See It brings you

one of the most exciting events

it's ever been our
privilege to bring you.

Thank goodness this
letter was sent to us.

It's from little
Richie Cunningham

from Milwaukee, Wisconsin,

who wants to see
Arthur Fonzarelli,

known as Fearless
Fonzarelli, leap his motorcycle

over , yes, garbage cans.

A man, a motorcycle,

and a lot of
intestinal fortitude.

Wings... wings...
push the wings.

Right now, Fearless is
inside Arnold's Drive-In

with a few friends,

looking for that
moment of truth.

All right, everybody,
it's Fearless Fonzarelli.

(cheering)

All right, this is it.
This is High Noon.

It's a lovely outfit, Arthur.

Hey, this is show biz.

Look, Fonzie, I have
seen the garbage cans,

and I've seen the ramp,

and the length of the jump.

Now, are you sure
you can do this?

If I was sure I could
do it, you know...

Yeah, it wouldn't be a trick.

Well, listen, how many
times do you know a guy

that can uh, go
up to a jukebox...

rap it... and have
a song come out.

(no music)

This is no time for music.

Well good luck, Arthur.

Hey, thanks, Mrs. C.

All right now, Mr. C...

you're going to take care
of everything, right? Right.

All right, and if
anything happens,

you just go right ahead
and rent my room.

Don't worry, Arthur,

I'm sure we're not going
to need to rent your room.

Hey, you never can tell.

Yeah, I'll tell you
something, Mr. C.,

you can make more money
if you turn it into a museum.

All right, let's go.

RICHIE: Wait a minute, Fonz.

Can we talk to you for a minute?

Yeah. Yeah, excuse me.

Listen, we've been
thinking about this

and, and we don't want
you to go through with it.

Really, Fonz.

We don't want to
see you get hurt.

You don't have to
prove anything to us.

We know you're cool.

Yeah, you guys know I'm cool,

but there are a lot
of people out there

that have never seen cool.

Sad, but true.

The people who
want to see you do this

are not your real friends, Fonz.

So what you're telling
me is that I'm cool

even if I don't go
out there, huh?

Yeah. We sure are.

Well, you're good friends, huh.

You're all mentioned in my will.

Don't talk about that.

We don't care about a will.

What do I get?

All right.

No time for second
thoughts now, huh?

There's been enough
chicken already.

Hey, Shortcake,

I want to see a smile
on your face, huh?

Hey... let's go.

SMITH: Well, it sounds like
he's about to come out the door.

Yes, here he comes...
here's Fonzarelli.

Stay tuned, 'cause
in just one moment,

we'll be back for the jump.

He starts it up.

Oh, I hope he make it.

If he miss, he going to
spoil everybody's appetite.

(cheering)

Oh, he's just practicing,
that's all. Yeah, yeah.

Trying to get a feel...

I'm worried Fonzie's
going to break his neck.

No, he's not.

I don't care what he leaves
me. I hope he can do it.

(drumroll)

(drumroll continues)

(engine revving)

(drumroll continues)

♪ Good-bye gray
sky, hello blue ♪

♪ There's nothing can
hold me when I'm with you ♪

♪ Feels so right,
it can't be wrong ♪

♪ Rockin' and
rollin' all week long ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Of feeling free ♪
♪ Oh, happy days ♪

♪ These days are ours ♪

♪ Share them with me ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ These happy days
are yours and mine ♪

♪ These happy days are
yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪