01x17 - In Loco Parentis

[bunniefuu]

Jill!

Right. Thanks a lot. Later.

Need a light?

Thanks, man.

Sorry.

It's okay.

So, uh...

So, look, I was wondering
if you could help me out.

I'm, uh, I'm looking to...
to buy.

And you're coming to me?

I... I'm a friend of Jill...

Holbrook's.

Oh, Jill.

So, uh...

so what could I get for...

for, like, 20 bucks?

Anything you want, man.

Just name it.

♪ Everybody wants to live ♪

♪ Like they wanna live ♪

♪ And everybody wants to love ♪

♪ Like they wanna love ♪

♪ Everybody wants to be ♪

♪ Closer to free ♪

♪ Closer to free ♪

Okay, so what's another example

of the poet using an
ordinary, everyday image

as a romantic metaphor?

Caroline?

"You're wrapped up in
yourself like a spool"?

That's a simile. But good.

Evan?

"You're vague as fog and
looked for like mail."

Yep.

Now, that's the one
place in the poem

where the poet directly
implicates himself.

"You are looked for."

"I look for you."

It's that simple. "You
are what I want."

Owen's going down for his nap.

Sweet dreams, sweetie.

Why don't you put him down?

I'm in the middle.

Ah, come on, Charlie. He wants you to.
Look at him.

He doesn't care who
puts him down.

What?

Yesterday you put his
diaper on backward.

The absorbent part goes in
front, where he tinkles.

Thanks for the tip.

I feel a lecture coming on here.

No lecture.

You guys are great with Owen.

It's just, you act like
brothers and sisters around him

when what he really should have

is someone who acts
like a father.

Don't quote your textbooks
back to me, Kirsten.

How many words does he say?

- I'm not playing this game.
- Five.

Five words.

He says "baba" for bottle,

"bana" for banana, he says "no,"

he says "mine," and
he says "Bill."

He says Bill?

Tim.

Don't remember you
mentioning him.

We went to this g*ns N' Roses
concert before I met you.

He said he had backstage passes,

so I figured, you
know, what the hell.

Well, turns out he didn't,

and then there was this nightmare scene
backstage with the bouncer and...

Anyway... Come on.

Dance with me.

So you two, like... Dated?

No, We went to a concert once.

He's a creep.

Why?

- He just is.
- Why?

Did he...

Did he try something with you?

Did he make a move?

What didn't you like about him?

He deals, okay?

I didn't know it
when we went out,

and when I found out, I told
him I wasn't interested.

He just...

He didn't get it, you know?

And then today,

he puts this note in my locker

saying I still owe him $25 for
the concert, which I do not,

and he can just go to hell,
as far as I'm concerned,

which is exactly what I told
him in the parking lot.

I'm not doing anything, Bailey.

I'm not.

All right, you want
to see the note?

I've got it in my jacket.
Let me just go...

No.

No, it's okay.

Listen, I don't
have time to cook.

I have a date with Owen,

so either one of you two
cooks, or we bring in.

How about Chinese?

There's that new
Szechuan place on Union.

Artie, you're still here?

I thought you left hours ago.

Is he permanent?

I'm serving two meals a day.

Want Szechuan for dinner, Jule?

Oh, it's up to you. I'm
not gonna be here anyway.

I'm studying with Justin.

- Big test tomorrow?
- No.

Is this you?

Drawing self-portraits in class? Kind of
on the conceited side, don't you think?

I didn't draw it. Justin did.

Why?

Well, just because...

Because...

He drew a picture of you?

Yeah.

You two aren't...?

Kind of, I guess.

Huh.

I need an answer on
the Szechuan, guys.

Szechuan's good.

I was gonna tell you
guys about him.

I thought you
didn't like Justin.

Yeah, I thought you thought
he was, kind of a nerd.

No, no. He's great.

Well, are you gonna kiss him?

Claud...

I mean, you've known
him all your life.

Jule, isn't that kind of like...

kissing Bailey?

Hey, a lot of people would give their
right arms, I'll have you know.

I mean, there are,
like, friends,

and there are, like, boyfriends.

Claudia, shut up.

So we're all definitely
decided on Szechuan, then?

Thanks for being so
great about this.

Don't expect me
home for a while.

I got invited to
stay for dinner.

I've got an idea.

Why don't you stay
for dinner, Artie?

You want to try?

Fractions.

I'll go again.

Artie...

I'm 11 years old.

I am just too young to
be living with someone.

You want me to go home.

You're just...

You're getting a little clingy.

Fine.

I'll call my dad.

Do you have, like, some really
yucky relative visiting

you don't want to see?

Forget it.

- Artie...
- It's none of your business.

Well, when you're
here all the time,

it sort of is my business.

Jerk.

It's my mom and dad, okay?

They're just...
fighting all the time.

You can pretty much hear them
all the way down the block.

My dad's sleeping
in the guest room

and my mom cries a lot.

I just...

don't want to be there.

They're gonna split up.

You can tell.

The Exorcist is
on cable tonight.

I always wanted to see it,

but I can't watch it alone.

Too scary.

What do you say?

And then the doctor turned
to me and he says...

He says, "Do you want
to cut the cord?"

There I was, holding
this mucousy kid,

and he's the most
beautiful thing

I've ever seen in my life...

And...

I'm... I'm sorry.

Just thinking about
that moment...

Would any of our other
daddies like to share?

I was, uh...

I was leaving to go
to work this morning,

and Michael was sitting
in his highchair,

and he holds his arms
out to me and he says,

"Bup."

Cassie said "bup" last week.

Patrick said "dada."

Has that happened to you yet?

I'm telling you, when it does...

I'm sorry.

I never used to be like this.

I guess it's becoming a father.

Well, how about you, Charlie?

Why don't you tell
us how having, uh,

Owen has changed your life?

Gee. How to answer
that question?

Um, how has Owen
changed my life?

You know what? I'm
going to, uh...

I'm going to pass.

So this is like a
full-time shelter?

Oh, we can't afford that yet.

Not until we get these
requests mailed out.

I'm licking as fast as I can.

Good. Don't stop.

We're open twice a week.
Fridays and Saturdays.

We serve about, oh... 500 meals.

We can always use
another volunteer.

Maybe some Friday?

Friday?

What?

Oh. That's a big
date night, huh?

Am I right?

Yeah, kind of, Mom.

Well, maybe Julia's seeing the
kind of guy who happens to think

that serving turkey
to the homeless

is the basis for a
romantic evening.

Are you seeing that kind of guy?

Um, I'm not sure.

Don't give me that look.

This happens to be my favorite
person under the age of 20...

After you, dear.

Thank you.

If she's in love,
I want to know,

and if it's with someone
with a social conscience,

I want to sign him up.

What's his name?

Justin.

Oh, that's a coincidence.

No, Mom. It really isn't.

What?

Are you tell...

You guys?

Why didn't you say anything?

I was trying to maintain the
illusion of a private life.

Oh, please.

Oh, my gosh. This...

Oh, you have made my night.

You made my whole week.

I'm going to get you some
more envelopes, Romeo.

I really wish that
hadn't happened.

You said they could
watch The Exorcist?

No.

I said they could
watch The Parent Trap

until Artie's dad gets here.

You guys better turn that
thing off, right now.

But her head's spinning around.

Now!

Hey, what are you...

Oh, my God. What happened?

I wrecked my brother's car a
couple of blocks from here.

I ran into one of
those dumpsters.

Are you okay?

That hill at Divisadero
is really steep,

and I'm not really
good with the clutch.

Oh, my God, Griffin
is gonna k*ll me.

Let me see. That's really deep.

He doesn't even know
that I took it, Bailey.

I was gonna leave a note and...

Wait. Did I? Did I leave a note?

No. No!

God, I should've taken Van Ness,

because, you know, I'm just
not good on the hills,

but I wasn't thinking about it.

I wasn't thinking, Bailey.

It's okay.

Come here. You're okay.

Shh, you're okay.

It's really bad. We should
go to the hospital.

No, I'm sure if we just
keep pressure on it...

You're gonna need stitches.

No, I won't.

We should have someone
look at it at least, okay?

You could have a concussion.

- I don't. I'd know.
- Not necessarily.

Come on, I'd feel better if
we had someone look at it

and we knew for sure.

Why don't you want to go
to the hospital, Jill?

Because...

Because look at it.

It's, like, right
near my hairline.

I mean, they'd probably
shave my head and,

I'd look like a total jerk.

It'd take forever to grow back

and all I need is a Band-Aid.

Look, my mom is a nurse, okay?

I know how to deal
with these things.

They'd check your blood pressure
at the hospital, wouldn't they?

They'd check your pupils.

That's what you're
worried about, isn't it?

What?

No.

No.

They'd see that
you're on something.

She's high, Bay.

Bailey...

God. Jill...

I don't believe you.

I had trouble with the clutch.

You've driven with me.

You know I'm not good
with stick shifts,

and I'm scared of
hospitals, all right?

That's why I don't
want to go to one.

But I guess that's
not allowed, huh?

I guess I can't make
any more mistakes.

I guess I can't do a
single thing wrong

without you thinking...

I thought I could come to you.

I thought you'd help.

Well...

My mistake, huh?

"In the land of Roly-Poly

lived a fuzzy-wuzzy bunny

with some furry on his tummy."

What a picture.

Look at you.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt.
I'll just... Go on.

Keep going.

"And the mommy and the daddy
of this fluffy, funny bunny

were so happy and so peppy

with the baby they named Sunny.

All the hopping and the skipping

of these silly-willy bunnies..."

I can't do this.

I mean, this is...

I got a better idea.

You don't mind if I k*ll two
birds with one stone, do you?

Okay.

Once upon a time, a prince,

who runs a small
furniture-building business,

had to replace his band saw,

and he went to a magical place

where they sold all different
models of band saws,

including...

this one with "variable
speed and safety shield"

for under 800 bucks.

Not bad, huh?

Why are you skimping?
Put more lima beans on.

I hate lima beans.

What?

- How you guys doing?
- Well, he's a little slow.

We're trying to get him
to pick up the pace.

Let's not ask for miracles.

The fact you got him down here in
the first place is enough for me.

You mean he's never
volunteered before?

I can't believe it. Justin...

Oh, you hang on to
this one, Justin.

This one I love.

Just so you know,
when I get home,

I'm gonna dump you
for another girl.

I love your sense of humor.

What?

Don't you hear me laughing?

Oh, oh, I'm sorry. I'm
having a fantastic time.

I mean, this is my
dream Saturday,

and you, you're my dream date.

I mean, that Woody Allen
double feature at the Corona?

Stupid idea.

Hike in Muir Woods?

Who needs exercise?

Ice skating? You
could hurt yourself.

But, no. Look at you.
You look fantastic.

I mean, when I dream about you,

this is exactly how you look.

Do you have any idea
how shallow you sound,

standing in the middle
of a soup kitchen,

whining about ice skating?

I'm ashamed of you.

Next tray.

Do you want to talk?

Nope.

You can't just lie around
on the sofa all day.

It's not going to make
things better at your house.

No kidding.

For your information,
I'm running away, okay?

I'm not solving problems.
I'm avoiding them.

Fine.

What am I supposed to do?

You really think there's
something I can do?

Yeah, I do.

We could come up with,
like, some kind of plan,

like... do something
really romantic for them.

This doesn't sound very
sophisticated to me.

I just started
thinking about it.

Give me a minute. Jeez!

Do you think your parents
should stay together?

I mean,

do you think they love each
other enough to stay together?

Yeah.

Well, okay then.

Called her house a while ago.

Yeah?

Talk to her?

No. Her kid sister.

Said she's okay.

Turns out the brother's
got insurance, so...

That's lucky, huh?

Got to get her to stop driving.

You know, I mean, she's a
nervous driver, anyway.

She's, like, totally distracted,

so that's the first
thing, right?

Get her to stop driving.
That's, like, step one,

and then...

Then...

You know what I
can't figure out?

Why do you need this, Bay?

Need what?

It's always something
with this girl, you know?

I mean, one problem
after another, so...

I mean, what makes
it all worthwhile?

There's good stuff.

In between all the problems,
there's good stuff.

Like what?

Sex?

No. Not that.

Not just that.

She's not a bad person.

She's not. She's...

I just...

care about her.

Is caring about her
the attraction?

Because... you do that, Bay.

You take care of people.

I'm not saying that's
a bad thing, but...

sometimes it's okay to
think about yourself.

I just think you need to ask
yourself why you're doing this.

Helping her.

Saving her. Maybe that's...

Maybe that's really about you.

Are you gonna sh**t or what?

Come on, Bay.

What are you saying?

You'd actually rather your
parents didn't like me?

Yeah, well...

Even better if they hated
you with a passion.

Then we'd... We'd have
to meet in secret

and in the shadows,

and at night, I'd have to climb

the lattice outside your window.

There's no lattice
outside my window.

I mean, even just holding hands,

it would feel kind of...

illicit.

I mean, don't you know,

the greatest love
stories in history

are about two people

overcoming tremendous odds
to be with each other?

Race, religion,
insane parents...

I mean, us...

we've got everything
going for us.

It's me, you, and my
parents against the world.

It's not funny.

What's this?

It's nothing. It's...

It's nothing.

It's, uh... It's a poem.

Can I...

You wrote this about me.

No, actually, it's about this
other chick I'm dating, not you.

Hey, Char.

Where've you been?

Out with Justin.

You were supposed to go grocery
shopping today. It's your turn.

I'll go. It's just, uh...

We had this incredible date.

Yeah, well, Owen ran
out of diapers,

and I had to pick them up.

I'm not the only one who takes
care of him around here.

Okay, fine. I'll do it.

Great.

What?

Nothing.

I just, uh...

had a date with Justin.

Oh, yeah? Great.

Yeah, it was. It was nice.

Kind of foggy and romantic and...

You know what? You
know what, Jule?

I'm kind of not in the
mood right now, okay?

Oh, okay. Sure.

Can I just...

show you this one thing? I mean,

I know you'll think
it's dumb, but...

What?

Nothing.

Huh?

It doesn't rhyme.

Well, it's not supposed to.

Poems don't have
to rhyme, Claud.

Well, they don't have to, but...

The first letter of each line
spells out my name. See?

I don't get this.

What does this stuff mean about?

"Discovering for the first time

"that something you
always knew was there."

That makes no sense.

Never mind.

♪ Charlie's gonna buy
you a mockingbird ♪

♪ And if that
Mockingbird don't... ♪

♪ Mock ♪

♪ Charlie's gonna buy you ♪

♪ A shoe and a sock ♪

Oh, come on. I have some stuff

I really want to do right now.

Could you please
just stop crying?

For, like, 10 minutes?

I'll rush.

Look, it's up to you.

If you don't want to stop,
there's nothing I can do.

Fine.

Just needs to cry himself out.

Oh, it's okay, sweetheart.

That's a good boy.

Yeah.

He just cried himself out.

I'm not good at this.

Oh, it takes time.

You'll relax. He'll relax.

That's not the point.

The point is, I do a
lot for him, okay?

I do what I can, and
he's taken care of.

So I'm not a great father.

I didn't exactly ask to be one.

I know.

Yes. I'm trying to
reach Nurse Holbrook.

Oh.

Um, could you tell me
when her shift starts?

No, no. It's not
about a patient.

It's personal.

Uh, no, no, no. I'd rather
not call her at home.

Could I just leave a
message for her with you?

Okay, could you...

Could you let her know that
Bailey Salinger called?

And my number is 555-7824.

Two-four.

Yes, it's really important
that I talk to her.

It's about her daughter, Jill.

No, she can call whenever.

I'll be up. No time's too late.

Hi. I'm looking for
Nurse Holbrook.

Can you tell me...

Are you...

I'm... I'm Bailey Salinger.

Vera. Thank you.

I, uh...

I left you a message for you.
I don't know if you got it.

Yes, I got it.

You did?

Because you... you
didn't call me back.

I mean, I waited

all night to hear from you.

I need to talk to
you about Jill.

I... I don't really know what to say.
I don't...

I don't know how to get
into this with you.

I mean... I mean,
it's weird, you know,

that we... we
haven't even met...

after all this time.

Why would we have met?

What do you mean? Because...

your daughter and I have been

seeing each other for the past
couple of months, that's why.

You don't know who I am, do you?

When I called Jill to ask
her about that message,

she said you were just
some kid from school

who's been harassing her ever

since she turned you
down for a date.

What?

Why are you making
trouble for her, huh?

Why don't you just
leave her alone?

She's not interested
in you, okay?

We're involved. We've
been involved.

I don't know why
she'd lie to you.

Unless it was because
she's afraid

that I was going to tell you.

She's on dr*gs.

You know?

She told you I was gonna
say that, didn't she?

You've got some nerve.

Who do you think you are,
leaving cryptic messages,

-dropping in -You...

at my place of work,

pretending like you know a
damn about my daughter?

- Ms. Holbrook...
- What, do you think

you're gonna get away
with make up stories?

Like I wouldn't know
if she was on dr*gs?

I'm a nurse. I see that kind
of thing every single day.

Well, you're missing it, then,
because she's in trouble.

She needs help.

You listen to me.

You either turn around and walk
away right now or I call security.

Your choice.

I'd like to meet the genius who
said gardening reduces stress.

I think Justin's
still in the shower,

and I suspect from
my last water bill,

he's gonna be at least
another 10 minutes.

Can you hear him?

Showering?

Singing. He didn't used to.

Only since you.

He sings? Justin? Really?

Oh. God, I'm blushing.

I probably look like
a total idiot, huh?

No, you don't. You look happy.

So how did it happen?

- Us getting together?
- Yeah.

Well, I kept catching
him watching me

in the rear view mirror
in Drivers' Ed class,

and at first, he kept looking
away like it didn't happen.

Oh, you don't want to hear this.

Are you kidding me?
Of course I do.

Well, eventually, we started
meeting each other's eyes

and not looking away,

and then he kissed me.

Once after class,

once in the dark room
during an aftershock.

Isn't that just so...

Romantic?

Yeah. Mm. He's a good kisser.

You really don't want to
hear about stuff like that,

I mean, being a mom.

Oh, absolutely not.

come on.

Well, he keeps his eyes closed
for a long time after it's over,

like he's still
thinking about it.

Isn't that, uh...

Adorable?

Yeah, and he does stuff,

like, he drew this sketch
of me in English class.

Really? He sketches?

And he wrote this poem using
the letters of my name.

It's got this
beautiful line in it.

It goes...

It goes something...

I can't...

You want to read it?

Yeah.

I'm gonna take my break now.

Kind of an all-purpose
story, huh, Jill?

You want to tell me, Jill?

Who else has got it
in for you besides me

and that parking-lot guy?

I have nothing to say to you.
Just leave me alone.

You really want that? Huh?

Last week you begged
me not to walk out.

You begged me to help, and
that's what I'm trying to do.

By going to my mother!
My mother!

You could've k*lled
yourself in that car.

Maybe next time that's
what's gonna happen,

unless you get yourself some
help, so yeah, I went to her.

Now you're acting all moral like
it was the right thing to do.

- You go to her behind my back.
- You beat me to it.

That's right, because you would
have told her all that stuff,

and like she and I could ever
have a relationship again.

Like you have a
relationship now.

She didn't have clue who I was.

You gonna tell me you
guys are best friends?

No! No, we are not friends.
We are not much of anything.

The last thing that I need is for
her to be smelling my breath

and be checking my pupils,
locking me in till I'm 18.

- Jill...
- You don't get it, Bailey.

I can't trust you.

You can't trust me?

What is that? A joke?

Yeah. It's a riot.

I can't tell you, Bailey,
how much I'm enjoying this.

Gee, what lovely surprises

have you in store
for me next, huh?

Jill... you need help.

We used to have fun.

Remember that?

Now all we're about is this.

Well, I don't need it.

You can go to hell.

I guess you might as well
relax until Artie gets here.

What's going on?

Hey, maybe Artie forgot.

- I could ask you the same thing.
- I got a message.

He asked me to meet him here
so we could go home together.

I walked over from the office.

I got the same message.

Start serving. Now.

Claud, I told you. I don't
want any part of this.

I think it's a lousy idea.

How many of your ex-girlfriends
does Kirsten know about?

I'll start with
the Caesar salad.

I don't get this. Why
would he call both of us?

Maybe he thought
you wouldn't come.

Can we not do this?

Huh?

Did you call about the guy about

fixing the drapes
in the living room?

Yes. He's coming Tuesday.

Oh, and I canceled the
Orbachs for Saturday night.

If you want the ticket...

No.

Do you mind if I read?

Why would I?

If you have any requests...

Could you stop,

sweetie?

Actually, you know,
I'm going to go.

I've got some calls to
make back at the office.

Could you tell Artie I waited?

And what time can I
expect you home?

Late.

Owen...

Come on.

Give me a break here.

What's not working about
this for you, huh?

Since when does meal time
have to be fun, anyway?

You don't see me playing

"I'm a little airplane"
when I'm eating, do you?

Come on.

Okay. That's it. You're done.

What do you say
we try this again

when you're a little older, huh?

- Like 9.
- Di-da.

Dada.

Kirsten! Kirsten!

Charlie, what?

He just... He just...

Did he spit up again or something?
What?

Dada.

- Dada.
- That!

Oh. Oh!

Oh! Mwah!

Come in.

Hey, I called you twice.

Do you know what the
word "private" means?

Do you?

Justin...

You showed that
poem to my mother.

No, I...

She told you?

That was between us.

That was, like, the most
private thing I could do,

and you showed it to my mother.

I didn't think, uh...

I'm sorry.

Do you, like, tell her
everything I say to you?

Do you... tell her what
it's like when I kiss you?

No! Of course not.

What do you mean,
"Of course not"?

I mean, it's not like
it's impossible.

Look what you did.

I wrote you a love poem.

I mean, that's the first...

That's the only love poem
I've ever written anyone.

I couldn't even say those
things to your face.

I had to write them down.

I'm sorry.

Where is it?

Where's the... the poem?

It's on the, um...

Justin, please don't do that.
Please.

I never should've
written this for you.

I almost had it memorized.

You had that friend...

that guy in the...

Who had a coke problem.

Gary.

Right. So what did you do?

Was there, like,

some really low-key treatment
program somewhere?

Because maybe...

if you talk to her mother...

You know, I mean, I tried,

and it, like,
completely backfired,

but you're older, so maybe...

Bailey, I'm not...

Please, Charlie. I'm asking you.

I'm asking you.

I'm really scared of what
could happen to her.

Bay, what are you gonna do?

You keep drawing a line,
and she keeps crossing it,

and you keep going back to her,

which is only making
things worse.

I'm telling you, the best thing
you can do is walk away.

I should've known better
than to come to you.

What the hell does that mean?

It means you've got one
answer to every problem.

Turn your back and walk away.

I am not walking away.

- Yeah, you are.
- No!

I'm not walking away from
you, and you're my problem.

You're my responsibility.

Please.

Why don't you listen to me?

I don't want to find
out you're in the car

the next time she cracks it up.

I don't want you in trouble with
the police if she gets busted.

I don't want you getting deeper
and deeper into this with her.

I don't have a choice.

Bailey...

what is going on here?

What...

Are you in love with her?

Hey! Hey! Hi!

Have you seen Jill?
Has she been in?

No, sorry.

- Hey, man.
- Talking to me?

- Yeah.
- Oh, you.

Hey, you got cash
on you this time?

Do I what?

Because like I told you the other
day, I don't believe in credit.

No. No, I'm not, uh...
I'm looking for someone.

For Jill. Have you seen her?

Why do you want to know?

Because...

she was buying
some stuff for me,

and, uh...

and I think she may
have split with it.

Yeah, she burned you, man.

She said something about going
to check the scene down in L.A.

and that was, like, yesterday.

She's probably long gone by now.

Do you mind?

Um... I'm studying right now.

Come on, Justin.

Okay, look, I'm sorry.

I should never have shown
your poem to anyone else.

Least of all, my mother.

Right.

Look, I want you to understand
what you did for me.

I mean, that poem, it
was so incredible,

and it's gonna sound weird,

but it's like seeing a movie
or going on vacation.

It's better when you share it.

Well, you have me.

That's not what I mean.

When we were in seventh grade,

I had a crush on Brian Gleason.

No accounting for taste, huh?

But every day, I would go home

and I would tell my mom
what had happened,

which was pretty much nothing,

because Brian didn't
know I existed.

But she promised me that someday
something would happen,

and we made a pact...

that I would tell
her everything.

First kiss, first...

everything. First poem.

- Julia...
- It's not sad.

Justin, it's great.

You're great.

It's just that one part of
it, not telling someone.

I want to be able to go home
and sit on my bed with someone

and say,

"Guess what Justin did today?"

Or, "You wouldn't believe the

way he looked at
me in math class."

Or, "Look at this incredibly
wonderful thing that he wrote.

"What do you think it means?

"Do you think it means
that maybe he's...

Maybe he's falling
in love with me?"

Yes.

So, I was figuring.

Maybe I could take some
of my bar-mitzvah money

and send them to
Hawaii or something.

Don't you think
that's a good idea?

A while ago,

I guess about 11 months ago,

I was having trouble sleeping.

I was sleepwalking, and
I didn't even know it,

which is pretty creepy.

Every night, I'd walk downstairs
and I'd open the front door

and I'd just stand
in the doorway.

Just stand there,

like I was waiting for someone
to come up the steps.

Then Bailey or Julia would
have to get out of bed

and come and get me and
bring me back to bed.

Yeah,

so what's that got to do with
my parents going to Hawaii?

The thing is...

Well, after a while...

I stopped sleepwalking,

and I stopped going
to the front door

and I started to sleep
through the night.

Claudia...

At some point, you stop expecting
things o be different.

You know?

What?

You just...

You sort of accept things.

I don't get it.

You were the one who said
we should try and do stuff

to get my mom and
dad back together.

I know. That was dumb.

Oh, great.

- Sorry, Artie.
- Forget it.

You don't understand anything.

Come on, Artie. You know I do.

The hard stuff.

Gets easier.

Promise.

I thought maybe I'd
walk you home.

And you'd gotten hold of
these laundry markers,

red and black.

I've actually seen
pictures of this.

Seen what?

You guys were four, maybe five.

You guys were playing dress-up,

and you gave Justin

this black beard and a mustache

and you gave yourself
this rouge and lipstick

in indelible ink.

Oh, my God.

We couldn't get that stuff off.

We were scrubbing

and you were crying...

We went to school like that?

For an entire month.

Your mom and I finally had to
take you to a dermatologist

to get that stuff off.

God, I don't remember this.

Really? I think I've heard
it about 200,000 times.

Anyway...

Well, there must be a million
stories about the two of you.

And I know, I know,

you've heard them
too many times.

No. I think I'm going to go.

Oh, wait. Don't, um...

You know what? We
should probably study.

I'm sorry. I'll leave you alone.

Oh, no, no, no.

It's all right. I'm just tired.

I want to, uh...

I'm gonna go hit the hay.

Oh, okay. I'll go.

No. Stay. I'm serious.

Both of you.

All right?

Good night.

Good night.

Tell her that one about us
at the tide pools together.

It's a good one.

Good night, honey.

Mrs. Holbrook.

Is she here? My daughter.

No.

She didn't come home last night.

I didn't realize because by the
time I get home from work,

she's usually gone,

but there's...

this duffel bag we keep
in the hall closet,

and it's gone.

She's gone, I think.

Do you know?

I heard she might've
gone down to L.A.

No.

Oh, no.

Is it bad?

The dr*gs?

Is she in trouble?

I don't know.

I think she wants to
stop, but I don't think

that she knows how to.

Not by herself.

So you came to me.

You were worried and
you came to me,

and I didn't believe you.

I'm sorry.

I should've seen
it in your face.

It's hard, you know?

You work so hard to put food
on the table for the kids,

and then you're never
around to eat it with them.

Everything just. It all
passes by in a blur.

The D-minus,

her ankle tattoo,

the broken curfew.

And, you know,

you think about it, you know,

in the car on the
way to work, and...

and you mean to say something.

You know, you mean
to take the time,

but then you get home and...

It gets lost.

She got lost.

I lost her somewhere.

I didn't mean to.

I don't know who my daughter is.

Can you tell me about her?

Why don't you come inside?

Charlie?

And after her concert, the
princess went to a party

given in her honor,

but she got tired of
all the compliments

about her violin playing,

and she wandered back
into the kitchen.

And in the corner
was a young man

sorting through a
huge bin of lettuce

with a panicked
look on his face.

She said, "What are you doing?"

He said, "Well, I lost
a Band-Aid in here,

and if I don't find it,

it's gonna end up in
someone's salad."

The princess smiled,

and she took pity
on the young man,

and together, they set out

to find the missing Band-Aid

and save the man
from a grim fate.

And as they hunted,

it suddenly occurred
to the young man

that this princess,

elbow-deep in Belgian endive,

was the most beautiful
woman that he'd ever seen,

and at that exact same moment,

it occurred to the princess

that she'd never seen
eyes as blue as his,

and she began to wonder
if maybe this young man

wasn't really a
prince in disguise,

and she said to him,

"How do you feel about kids?"

And he said,

"Well, I've always wanted
to have five of them."