03x20 - Mother-In-Law's Visit

[bunniefuu]

Here's the evening paper, Mother-in-law, dear.

You read it first.

Take my chair, Mother-in-law, dear.

I will sit on a box.

But I insist, Mother-in-law, dear.

You take the biggest steak.

Fred, I want to thank you for being so nice to Mother.

I'm trying, Wilma. I'm trying hard.

I know, dear. I think you are winning her over.

I sure hope so.

Why don't you look where you're going, clumsy?

I'm sorry, Mother-in-law, dear.

I didn't expect you to stick your foot out.

[muttering] I love my mother-in-law.

Yabba-dabba-doo!

♪ Flintstones, meet the Flintstones They're the modern Stone Age family ♪

♪ From the town of Bedrock They're a page right out of history ♪

♪ Let's ride with the family down the street Through the courtesy of Fred's two feet ♪

♪ When you're with the Flintstones ♪

♪ Have a yabba-dabba-doo time, A dabba-doo time ♪

♪ We'll have a gay old time ♪

Hey, Fred, why are you leaving the freeway?

I know a shortcut to the other highway, Barney.

A shortcut? But you're headed for the river.

Relax, Barney-boy.

Don't, Fred. We'll sink.

Stop worrying. See? We didn't sink.

Well, don't just sit there, Barney. Tread water.

[Barney] Okay.

[Fred chuckles]

This is one time your big feet came in handy, Barn.

Yeah, look who's talking.

There. That wasn't so bad, was it?

No, not so bad, if you, uh, don't count him.

Some shortcut, huh, Barney-boy?

There, now we're on the back road.

What's all the rush to get home, Fred?

Well, Wilma's going to be a mother soon.

It's my duty as the daddy to be home with her as much as possible.

What are you staring at me for?

Well, Fred, I, uh... was just trying to picture you as a daddy, but it's no use.

You're just not the type.

What do you mean I'm not the type?

Gee, Fred, uh, no offense... but fathers are supposed to be kind, considerate, thoughtful.

And you strike out on all three, Freddie-boy.

What did you stop here for, Fred?

Get out of this car.

You're kidding, Fred. Out! Out! Out!

See? That's just what I mean, Fred.

You're not kind, considerate, thoughtful.

You're just not the daddy type.

I'll tell you what I'll do, Fred, I'll help you.

You can practice being nice on me. Uh...

Yeah. Yeah, okay, Barney. I'm sorry.

I'll be kind, considerate, and thoughtful of you.

Now, if you two have patched up your little spat, would you please move on?

You're blocking traffic! [horns honking]

[stammering] Yes, sir, officer, sir. Yes, sir.

Hi, Wilma. May I come in?

Of course, Betty. I'm in the kitchen.

I was just gonna peek and see if the lobster is cooked.

Down, boy. Down, down.

It's not quite done yet. I'll say.

Uh, Wilma, do you think you should be cooking and doing housework in your, um, condition?

Betty, I'm feeling fine. And Fred's a dear.

He's been doing the cleaning. Fred?

Yes, and picking up and putting away his things.

That cuts a woman's work in half.

[car approaching, then tires screech]

Sounds like the boys are home. So I hear. [giggles]

See you later, Wilma. Okay, Betty.

Hi, Betty. Wilma okay?

Little old mama-to-be is just fine, O big daddy-to-be.

[both laugh]

Boy, that Betty and Barney. What a screwball couple.

[Dino yapping]

No, no, Dino, no, no!

No, Dino, stop. Stop it, boy.

Cut it out.

Oh, knock it off, you two.

Why, Fred, you brought me flowers.

No, Wilma. That's a present for the baby. Go ahead. Open it.

[wrapping paper crinkling]

A baseball bat? Isn't that a dandy?

I'm going to teach junior to be a ballplayer.

Who knows, maybe he'll turn out to be one of those bonus babies you read about.

Oh, um, Fred? Yes, sweetheart?

Supposing... Just supposing...

Yeah? Yeah?

Supposing junior turns out to be a little girl.

Great!

Thank heaven for little girls, who might make the big league someday.

[phone ringing]

I'll get it, Fred.

Hello. I can't hear you.

Would you speak louder, please?

That's better. Who?

Oh! Mother.

Oh, no.

Tell her to stay home. No visitors allowed.

The place is quarantined, out of bounds, off-limits.

You can hear old loud-what, Mother?

Oh. Old loudmouth. [laughing nervously]

Mother's only kidding, Fred.

Well, I'm not kidding. Tell her to stay home.

Mother hasn't said a word about coming here.

Not yet she hasn't, but she will.

Oh. That's good, Mother.

Your plane arrives at 5:00, Bedrock Airport.

I told you. I told you.

Fred will be there to meet you, Mother. Bye.

Fred, I want this silly feud between you and Mother stopped.

Instead of hating Mother, tell yourself you like her.

Ha! That's a hot one.

Fred, if you thought anything of me, you'd try it.

Hm. Maybe Wilma's right. Maybe it is my attitude.

Why, I could give it a try.

I like my mother-in-law.

There. I said it. It wasn't easy, but I said it.

I'm on my way to the airport to meet my dear mother-in-law.

I'm on my way to the airport.

I love my mother-in-law, the little old darling.

Ah, here we are at Bedrock Airport.

I love my dear, sweet mother-in-law.

My mother-in-law is a doll.

I love my dear, sweet mother-in-law. My mother-in-law is a...

Are you feeling all right, mister?

Huh? Yeah. I'm okay.

Good. You just stay in here and rest.

That hot sun outside is a k*ller.

Poor guy. He must have been standing in it for hours.

Attention. Flight 36 now arriving from Rock Creek, Arrowhead, and Stone Ax.

Passengers will exit at Gate 8.

[groans] If my voice only sounded like that for real.

Here comes Mother's plane. I hope it makes a nice, smooth landing.

Boy, look at that wingspread. Keep its nose up, keep its nose up.

[crashing]

Boy, how smooth can a landing get?

Good landing, Bill. That's keeping the old nose up.

Watch your step, folks. Step carefully, please.

You may claim your baggage at Gate 8.

Hey, there she is.

I love my mother-in-law. I love my mother-in-law.

Hey, Mother-in-law. Here I am, sweetie.

Oh, no. He's been dipping into the cactus juice.

My, you're looking beautiful.

All right, sneaky, what have you been up to?

I love my mother-in-law. Let's hold that thought.

I love my mother-in-law. Oh, stop mumbling.

Put my luggage in the car, if you think you can stagger that far.

Coming, Mother.

Watch out for that truck.

Yes, Mother-in-law, dear.

And slow down. You're full of cactus juice, you know.

I haven't had one drop of cactus juice in months.

Ha!

And like they say, "Don't raise a fuss, leave the driving to us."

Boy. I love my mother-in-law.

I love my mother-in-law.

Stop babbling. You're driving too fast.

I am not driving too fast, Mother-in-law, dear.

All speedometers are a little bit off, so they allow you 5 or 10 miles leeway.

[siren wailing]

All right, you, pull over.

I told you, you were driving too fast.

I like her.

Fifty miles an hour in a 35-mile zone.

You're in a big hurry. Your wife gonna have a baby or something?

Why, yes, my wife is gonna have a baby.

She is? Okay, mister, just follow me.

Uh, yes, officer.

What's this all about?

I don't know. He said follow, so I'm following.

[siren wailing]

I can read it now, "Alert officer races stork to hospital."

This might even get my picture in the paper.

Come on. Step on it.

We're going 60. This is crazy.

I know, I know.

Bedrock Maternity Hospital?

Yeah. What's this all about?

Come on, lady. I got you here in time.

Put me down, put me down.

Just relax, lady. You'll be all right.

We'll forget the speeding ticket in this case, mister.

Uh, thanks, officer.

Yeah, well. Good luck.

Now to give this story to the newspapers.

She's been given a mild sedative.

You may wait and see her when she wakes.

See her? That's the last thing I want to do.

Well! Some father he'll make.

[tires screech]

That sounds like Fred's car, Dino.

Let's go meet Mama.

[yapping]

Go on, Dino, say hello to Mama.

[yapping continues]

[Fred] Hey!

[whimpering]

Wilma, what is with this crazy Dino?

Oh, he's just excited about Mama coming.

Where is she, Fred? Still in the car?

No, the last I saw her, she was going into the maternity hospital.

Maternity hospital? Why did she go there?

It was the cop's idea.

The cop? [Mama] Let me at him.

Mother. Where is he?

I'll tear him apart. I'll pulverize him.

Mother, remember your blood pressure.

Where are you? You... You... You son-in-law!

Now, it wasn't my fault, Mother-in-law, dear.

I had to do what the officer told me to do.

Fred, will you please leave?

Uh, go see if dinner is cooked.

[stammering] Glad to, Wilma.

I like my mother-in-law. [groans] I like her so much.

Yow!

Ow! Wilma!

Dinner is not quite cooked yet, sweetheart.

Oh, go on, Mother. Shake hands with Fred.

Yeah, Mother, let's be friends.

I'm sorry about what happened.

Oh, all right. For your sake, Wilma. Here.

[bones crunching and Fred groaning]

Mother, you shouldn't have done that.

Ha-ha-ha!

Can I help it if I don't know my own strength?

Oh-ho-ho! She's a doll, a million laughs.

Here's the evening paper, Mother-in-law, dear.

You read it first.

Take my chair, Mother-in-law, dear.

I will sit on a box.

But I insist, Mother-in-law, dear.

You take the biggest steak.

Fred, I want to thank you for being so nice to Mother.

I'm trying, Wilma. I'm trying hard.

I know, dear. I think you are winning her over.

I sure hope so.

[thuds]

Why don't you look where you're going, clumsy?

I'm sorry, Mother-in-law, dear.

I didn't expect you to stick your foot out.

I love my mother-in-law. I love my mother-in-law.

Uh, how'd you like the fight on TV last night, Fred?

I didn't see it, Barney.

Wilma's mother doesn't like to watch other people fighting.

You two never did get along, Fred, so why worry?

What really worries me is how I'm gonna afford the baby crib Wilma wants.

It costs 25 bucks.

Oh. Uh, hey, Fred.

Uh, Charlie Boulder, the cabdriver, he works only in the daytime.

I bet he'd let you use his hack at night, so you can make some extra money.

Oh, no. No, Barney, that's out.

Somebody would see me driving the cab and tell Wilma or my boss Mr. Slate.

Neither one of them wants me to be holding down two jobs.

Well, Fred, uh... the only way around that is to disguise yourself while driving.

You know, wear a false mustache.

[screeching]

Barney, that's a great idea! It is?

Absolutely.

Tonight, I'll tell Wilma I'm going out to cruise around.

Which will be the truth.

Only she'll think I mean a walk.

In a couple of nights, I ought to make enough money to buy the crib.

[bleating] Good thing the weather's warm, Whitey.

[bleating] You said it, Blackie.

[yawns]

I think I'll go get some fresh air, cruise around town a little.

[door closes]

Just like that, eh?

Just like what, Mother?

He's gone to cruise around. So what?

A husband's place is home, beside his wife, when she's expecting.

Not cruising around who knows where with who knows who.

That's "so what."

Mother, Fred's been very nice to you, and all you do is pick on him.

I don't wish to hear anymore.

Well, if you haven't the gumption to tell that husband of yours off, I have.

Deserting her to have a good time.

I'll straighten him out.

Psst! Hey, Barney, come on outside a minute. I got something to show you.

Here I am, Fred. Hey, uh, where are you?

[Fred in high-pitched voice] Taxi, mister?

Is that you, Fred? It's me, Mac.

Fred Flintstone's Taxi Service.

Wowee, Fred. That disguise is terrific.

[in normal voice] The taxi's around the corner. I'm all set to roll.

[in high-pitched voice] Taxi, mister? [laughs]

Well, Good luck, Fred. [in high-pitched voice] Taxi, mister?

[panting]

Oh, I'll never find that no-good Fred Flintstone on foot.

[car approaching] Oh. Here comes a cab. Taxi. Taxi!

[in normal voice] Wow. There's my first fare.

Uh-oh. It's Wilma's mother. Well, her money's as good as anyone's.

[in high-pitched voice] Okay, lady, watch your step.

Watch your own, you walrus.

[in normal voice] Oh, boy, I like her.

I like my sweet little old mother-in-law.

[in high-pitched voice] Where to, lady?

I'm not sure.

Do you know a Fred Flintstone?

Sure, lady. Everybody knows Fred Flintstone.

Swell fellow.

I want you to drive me to wherever he might be hanging out.

[in normal voice] Oh, boy, she's asking to help pay for the baby's crib.

[in high-pitched voice] Well, lady, Fred Flintstone spends a lot of time at the Water Buffalo Lodge.

And a lot of money, too, no doubt.

Take me there. Yes, ma'am.

[in normal voice] And I know a bumpy road to it.

Slow down, you crazy walrus.

[tires screech]

[in high-pitched voice] Here you are. Loyal Order of Water Buffalo.

I'll be right back. Hurry it up, lady.

The meter keeps running.

[in normal voice] Heh, heh. It's run up $1 .35 already.

At this rate, my dear mother-in-law may go all the way for the baby crib.

Flintstone isn't there. Where else does he hang out?

[in high-pitched voice] Well, lady, sometimes he sh**t a game of pool.

Take me to the pool parlor. Yes, ma'am.

Aren't there any paved roads in this town?

This is a shortcut, lady.

[brakes screech] Here we are, lady. Bedrock Pool Parlor.

Well, he's not here.

A good pool player like Flintstone is bound to show up sooner or later.

You better wait.

Fred Flintstone, a good pool player?

Why even I could beat that tub of lard.

Perhaps while we're waiting, you'd care to sh**t a game?

With you? Ha-ha-ha!

Anybody who drives a cab the way you do should be a pushover at this game.

[in normal voice] Ha. Oh, boy, is she asking for it.

Just to make it interesting, I'll play you double or nothing for what's on the meter.

[in high-pitched voice] Just as you say, lady.

Ha-ha-ha!

Little does the old walrus know, I practically invented this game.

The most balls out of one rack, okay?

Okay, just as you say, lady.

The customer is always right.

I, uh, call that my, uh, "follow the leader" shot.

And I call it luck, fur face.

That's $6.84 you owe me now.

I know. I know. Come on. Let's get going.

I've still got to find that no-good son-in-law of mine.

Another place Mr. Flintstone goes is the bowling alley.

Drive me there. Okay, lady.

Bedrock Bowl, lady.

When I find that son-in-law of mine, he'll wish he'd stayed home.

[in normal voice] Keep going, little meter.

When dear mother-in-law sees the cab fare, she'll wish she'd stayed home.

[in high-pitched voice] Any luck, lady? No. He isn't here.

Well, that's odd. He's such good bowler.

Good bowler? Bowling's my game.

I could beat that flatfooted Flintstone any day.

You couldn't even beat me, lady.

Oh, yeah? I'll play you a game for double or nothing on the meter.

Well, I don't know. Come on. Come one, I owe you $10.36 now.

You have to give me a chance to get even.

Well, okay.

[in normal voice] I like it best when they beg for it. [laughs]

One more strike, and my score is 260.

[bowling pins crashing] Yahoo!

A 260.

You'll wish you'd never taken that cab out tonight.

You need four strikes to beat me, fur face.

And you know you can't do that.

Oh, no. Well, that was just luck.

You'll never get three more strikes.

I never saw such luck.

Jinx. Jinx. Hoo-hoo, jinx. No more strikes.

It worked. It worked.

The ball's going in the other alley.

Four strikes.

Oh, no.

Where to now, lady?

Home. I've had it.

You know, lady, a fine fellow like your son-in-law would probably be at the library reading up on how to be a good father.

Oh, yeah?

How stupid can this stupid cabdriver be?

Yeah, in fact, I'll bet you the $12.50 on the meter that Flintstone's at the library.

It's a bet. I got you this time, fuzz face.

Oh, no. Not with the bumps again.

Public library, lady.

Oh, this is the easiest bet I ever won. Ha, ha!

Fred Flintstone in a library? That's a laugh.

You look over there, lady, and I'll look on this side.

Okay, but don't strain yourself looking.

Flintstone still doesn't even know his alphabet.

[in normal voice] Now to get over to the reading room.

I don't see Flintstone anywhere... but even though it's ridiculous, I'll check the reading room.

Oh, no.

Mother-in-law, dear, what are you doing here?

I'm reading up on how to be a good father.

Just like the cabdriver said.

It's unbelievable but true.

I've had Fred all wrong.

To think it cost me $25 to find out Fred was in the library.

[in high-pitched voice] He was in there, lady. You owe me 25 bucks.

I know. I know.

Fred, you mean you made the 25 bucks in one night?

Correct, Barney. That's why I'm through with the disguise.

Gee! How did you make so much, Fred?

Well, you might say I caught me a nice, fat pigeon, Barney.

A nice, fat pigeon?

Isn't it wonderful, Wilma, how Fred and your mother have made up?

I'll say, Betty.

Last night, Mother came home and said she had Fred all wrong for years, that Fred is really a wonderful man. Mm.

Look at them out there. Real chums.

[Wilma] Oh. It's the nicest thing that ever happened.

I'm so happy, I could cry.

So, you see, Mother-in-law, dear, how wrong you were about me all these years?

Yes, and I'm so sorry I misjudged you, son.

Psst! Hey, Fred, I'm gonna take the taxi tonight.

Maybe with this disguise, I'll catch a fat pigeon with 25 bucks like you did last night.

Fat pigeon, eh?

[thudding]

Wilma, look. They're at it again.

Oh, no!

I'll "fat pigeon" you.

Why don't you go home where you belong?

Betty, it slowly dawns on me that those two are happiest when they're fighting.

I'll go home when I'm ready.

The sooner, the better.

I'll lower the broom on you.

Ow! Cut it out! [groaning] Ow!

♪ Flintstones, meet the Flintstones They're the modern Stone Age family ♪

♪ From the town of Bedrock They're a page right out of history ♪

♪ Someday, maybe Fred will win the fight Then that cat will stay out for the night ♪

♪ When you're with the Flintstones ♪

♪ Have a yabba-dabba-doo time, A dabba-doo time ♪

♪ We'll have a gay old time ♪

♪ We'll have a gay old time ♪ Wilma!