01x06 - You Can't Always Get What You Carpet

[bunniefuu]

Alex is gonna love her room.

The flowery thingies are perfect
for my little princess.

Hey, check it out.

The wallpaper glue
dried my fingers together.

Dude, that's awesome. Give it up.

Come on, guys,
stop messing around, all right?

To do this job right, you need to focus,
you need intensity and a root beer.

Hi, Daddy.

I like the new wallpaper.

And I'm glad you're not finished yet,
because you're really gonna love this.

Pink fur wallpaper.

Watch Daddy's little girl
make us put up her new wall fur.

Don't you love it?

But what about the little flowers?

It's a little young for me.

I think I'm ready for this.

You know, now that I think about it,
this pattern does look like my boxers.

I almost didn't get the pink fur,
because the guy at the store said

only a professional could put it up.

But he doesn't know my dad.

Well, you got that right.

The Russo boys are on it.

We're gonna need more glue.

Yeah, but I thought we were gonna work
on my room next.

Your room's good enough.

Good enough for Justin's room maybe,
not for the J-Man.

Who's the J-Man?

Me. That's my nickname.

Yeah, who calls you that?

Lots of people.

You know, not at school,
but around the neighbourhood.

Okay. A couple.

Me mostly.

But that's just because we haven't redone
my room.

- Your room looks great.
- No, Justin's right.

We shouldn't forget about him.

That's why he should have
this wallpaper.

I'm comfortable being forgotten.

It'll totally tie together your little
action figures and the big water stain

from where the roof leaks.

I was gonna paint over that water stain.
But you know what? No, you're right.

This wallpaper would look way better.

Attaboy.
Come on, guys, let's go before it dries.

Let's hustle. Fun and games are over.

Dad, I was kidding.

You gotta show me how you do that.

Unless you wanna be Daddy's little girl,
I can't help you.

But that shirt's got you halfway there.

Honey, you didn't make a giant burrito
out of Max again, did you?

No, Mom.

It's no fun anymore. He likes it.

The rug's for my room.
I found it in the basement.

Honey, you know you're not supposed
to be going down there.

Well, Daddy said I could take
whatever I want from down there.

Oh, well, all right.

We like to put up a united front.

So fine.

And if you see him,
could you tell him I need to talk to him?

Oh, my gosh.

What happened to you guys?

What happened was
Alex got pink fur wallpaper,

and we just finished hanging it up
for her.

Mom, will you vacuum us off?

Here's the crevice device.

Be careful.

I don't wanna be vacuumed.

I'm wearing this to school tomorrow.

So, Justin,
how's your room coming along?

I have girl wallpaper.

And are you okay with that?

No.

I gotta make it a man's room.

I need man stuff.

Okay, like what?

Like pictures of girls on motorcycles
and my favourite band, Tears of Blood.

T.O.B.

Stands for Tears of Blood.

I got it.

Listen, that sounds awesome,

and, like, I'll probably not be visiting
your room that often.

But if you want some real scary stuff,
Dad's chair shaped like a baseball glove,

it's in the basement.

Oh, that's awesome.

Baseball glove chair?

I knew you didn't throw it away.
I can't wait to sit in it.

And now at number four,
previously at number six,

Spontaneous Bling with "Oh, Yeah."

A flying carpet.

Random.

That's it, honey. You're good.

Fits like a glove.

Hey, it is.

Listen, that's going to Justin's room.

- But...
- Guys, check it out.

This tiki dude's
gonna man up my room.

And so is the guitar
after I smash it and hang it on the wall.

You're not smashing anything.
That's mine.

I used to play it in an all-girl mariachi band
at Las Piñatas.

- I didn't know you played the guitar.
- Yeah.

She doesn't.

But thanks for finding it.

No, honey, thank you.

If you hadn't sent Alex down there
to get that rug, we never would've found it.

No, hold on. What rug?

- Alex?
- Honey?

Alex?

I thought she had
the magic flying carpet.

What the?

Hey, so how's it going?

Mom, I see you have the guitar out.

You thinking about playing it now?

Alex, stop trying to avoid the subject.

You said I could take stuff
from the basement.

You know you're not supposed
to use magic unsupervised.

You should've come to me as soon
as you realised that was a magic carpet.

Daddy, I really didn't do anything wrong.

It's not like I was giving people rides.

Yeah.

Can I go again?

That's it. I'm taking this carpet
right back to the basement.

And why don't you leave your guitar
down there too, honey?

Listen, if your baseball glove chair
stays above ground, so does my guitar.

Alex, I am really disappointed in you.

Daddy, the rug looks great in here.

- It ties the whole room together.
- Well, look around you.

Can't let you keep a magic carpet.
You don't know how to drive it.

- So you should teach me how to drive.
- No way.

I can't believe it.
He just said no to Daddy's little girl.

Maybe it's crazy day.

Hey, Dad, can I have a cell phone?

What? No.

It's not that day.

- Daddy, please?
- Absolutely not.

And don't look at me
with those puppy-dog eyes

and think I'm just gonna melt
in your hands.

Is that what you think I do, Daddy?

- Okay.
- No, no, no.

You are not gonna guilt me into this.

Just because I taught Justin,
doesn't mean I automatically have...

You taught Justin?

Well, I guess that makes sense
since he's your first-born

and he'll always have a more
special place in your heart than me.

Oh, you can't possibly think
that I love him more than you.

I love you all equally,
just not at the same time.

We'll talk about this in the morning.
Good night.

- It's only : .
- Who are you? Father Time?

Daddy, give me one good reason
why I can't learn how to fly the carpet.

You can't fly the carpet
because you're not old enough.

- Well, how old was Justin?
- Eighteen.

I'm now.

Oh, so you lied to me, huh?

Well, we'll talk about that
in the morning.

- Good night.
- Okay, Daddy.

Even though you haven't given me
a good reason,

I know you must have one, because that's
how much I respect you and love you.

Okay, fine.

We'll start carpet-flying lessons
tomorrow.

And that's how you do that.

And if you don't vacuum it
every miles, the filter gets clogged.

It makes for a very unstable ride.
Not safe.

Oh, so I get it.

Just bring it to you every miles
so you can do all that stuff,

because you're so good at it.

Yeah, well, it does relax me.

Okay. Moving on to the rules of the sky.

What kind of cloud should you fly into?

Trick question. None of them.

Because it's very easy
to become confused in a cloud.

Which way's up? Which way's down?

I don't know. Crash.

What would you crash into in a cloud?

A confused wizard
on a carpet going the other way.

Plus, you don't want to expose fine wool
to that kind of moisture.

It's very hard to dry,
and then it starts to smell like a camel.

- Is that bad?
- You don't wanna know.

Dad, stop trying to scare me.

I'm a big girl. I can handle this.

Oh, a big girl.

You're a big girl, huh?

Okay, big girl, enough talk, let's walk.

- Let's take her up.
- Great, I'm ready.

Yeah, it's very easy to fly.

All you have to do
is curl left, lean right, go left,

curl right, lean left, go right,
curl down, go down.

- Got it?
- Curl what, lean who, go where?

- Just go slower.
- Go slower?

All right, enough chitchat.
You don't learn by teaching.

You learn by doing.

Let's take her up.

Let's go.

Hey, isn't this fun, just the two of us?

Why are you looking at me?
Eyes on the sky.

Not me, the sky.

Honey, come on.

All right.

Let's turn left here.

No, it's too jerky, too jerky.

It's all in the wrist.
I told you, it's in the wrist.

I'm barely touching it.

Look, you're thinking too much.
Don't think, just fly.

How can I think when you're yelling?

I told you not to think. Don't think, okay?

If you're not gonna hear me,
maybe I should yell louder.

I can't do anything
with you yelling like that.

Why are you yelling like that?
You never yell at me like that.

I'm not yelling. I'm just loud-teaching.

Watch out, watch out.

Watch where? Watch where?

Where? Everywhere.

Watch everywhere.

How can I watch everywhere?

Oh, hi.

- How'd it go?
- I'm not talking to him.

I'm not talking to her.

Or watching the big fight tonight.

No, apparently, I am.

She flew me right into this.

She's not ready for lessons.

I don't know why she's so anxious
to fly anyway.

She needs to be home with us.

And where are my pudding cups?

You ate them all, remember?

Where does she think she's going to
on that carpet anyway?

I don't know. But wherever it is, honey,
she's gonna come back.

Sweetie, do you think maybe
you're not upset about the flying lessons

as much as you are
about not wanting our little girl to grow up?

That's ridiculous.

And until we solve this pudding crisis,
I can't even think straight.

Need more pudding.

Mom, check out
what someone was throwing out.

It's hard to imagine someone
not wanting that.

Why do you want that?

Something's gotta take your eye off
that girlie wallpaper.

And how can you not look at this?

Oh, gosh, it still has bad breath.

Dad's not here, right?

Why? Daddy's little girl
doesn't wanna see Daddy?

Well, that's what I wanna talk
to you about.

When we were on our lesson,
Dad got all tense and frustrated,

like how he acts
when he's around you and your dolls.

Action figures.

Collectibles in their original packaging.

Dad's never acted
that way with me before.

What should I do about it?

I'd love to help, but I've never been
Daddy's little favourite anything.

That's why I have girl wallpaper.

And I'm hoping that Boris here
is gonna man that up.

Wait, I really need your help.

How do I get Dad to stop being mad
at me so he'll teach me how to fly?

Okay.

We're gonna need to pull out
the big g*ns here.

What does Dad love even more
than pudding?

Even more than us sometimes?

- Breakfast for dinner.
- Exactly.

- You gotta make that happen.
- I can do that.

And you gotta get something very special
to top it off.

- Baked ziti from Mario's.
- Baked ziti from Mario's. Yes.

Now give me $ .

What? Why?

It was your great idea.

I can't afford to always be this smart.

Yeah, Boris just lost an eye.

That's okay. Boris looks even tougher.

You know why? Pig with an eye patch.

Dad, Mom and I made breakfast
for dinner. I know it's your favourite.

Thank you, Theresa.

Dad, I melted your butter
and I even went all the way uptown

to get that special blueberry syrup
you like.

No, thanks.
I'm trying to cut down on fruit.

I feel the same way about vegetables.

Who's with me?

And, Dad, guess what Alex got you
for dessert.

Baked ziti.

Jerry, you really love ziti.

I don't think you heard me.

I'm trying to cut down on my fruit.

Yes, tomato is a fruit.

I'm gonna finish my breakfast for dinner
on the terrace.

I'll come with you.

Alone.

Right, because you don't want me
to catch a cold.

Thanks, Dad.

I know it's all tense and everything,

so I don't have to take a bath tonight,
right?

Alex.

Alex.

- Alex.
- Who?

You scared me.

Oh, I get it. We're pulling a prank on Max
like he and I do to you sometimes.

You guys play pranks on me?

Never mind.
What are you doing in here?

Our dinner plan didn't work.

I know. And thanks for waking me up
to remind me.

Good night.

Look, flying lessons
weren't that easy for me either.

Really?

And I'm guessing he's even more intense
with Daddy's little princess.

Yeah, well, Daddy's little princess
just got kicked out of the castle.

So, what you got?

He only sees you as his little girl.

You gotta show him
you're more than that.

I'll teach you how to fly,
so that way when you go with him next,

he'll see how ready you are.

- That's a really good idea.
- Yep.

That's the J-Man's plan.

Who?

Me. My name's Justin.

J is the first letter.

It's not that hard.

Thanks. Wait, what's in it for you?

You're my little sister. Why's there always
gotta be something in it for me?

Because I'm your little sister.

And I guess one day,
if you'd like to do something nice for me,

then that'd be great.

Okay, let's go.

Wait, I'm gonna do something nice for you
right now.

- What?
- Don't use your toothpaste tomorrow.

Why not?

It's not toothpaste.

Easy now, easy now.

There you go.
That's how you make a bank left turn.

Wow, with you, it's easy.

Curl left, lean right, go left.

I know. Now let's try a right turn.

That was good.

Now your other right.

There you go.

- I can totally do this.
- I knew you could.

And now you'll be able
to show Dad you can.

Whoa, slow down, slow down.

That was so cool.

Be glad it wasn't a hot-air balloon.

They take forever.

Oh, look,
we're flying over Shea Stadium.

- Oh, my gosh.
- I got it, I got it.

Yeah, you got it.

Hey, you ready
for something really hard?

- Like what?
- The loop de loop.

Bring it.

That was so much fun.

Thanks, J-Man.

Who?

Oh, me.

You're welcome.

Now when Dad takes you on your lesson,
you'll already know what you're doing.

Okay, but if he starts yelling,
"Up is up and down is down,"

I'm gonna say something.

- Okay, but I can still think it.
- Good.

So how's your man room?

Oh, I love it. It's so great.

I sleep like a baby in there.

Mom, Mom,
guess what Justin gave me.

Yeah, well,
it's a little too babyish for me,

because the J-Man
don't do stuffed animals.

That thing is going right back outside.

I'm sorry, honey, but it's terrible and cruel
what they do to those animals.

Plus, when I was in Justin's room,
that thing was checking me out.

But I found his eyeball under the couch.

Can I keep that?

Wash it off.

Hey, Mom, are Dad and Alex back yet?

No. And it's been over an hour.

If they're not back in ten minutes,
I want you to go down to the basement

and get that broom
and go looking for them.

There's a magic flying broom?

No.

I sweep when I'm nervous.

And I have a special broom for it.

That's not this one.

- It was fun.
- Dad, you were great.

You're such a good teacher.
And didn't I catch on?

You know, I gotta say, honey,
I'm impressed. You did great.

Thanks. I'm sorry about the last time.

- I should've listened better.
- No.

You know,
it wasn't about listening at all.

I didn't wanna teach you
because I didn't want you to grow up.

You're my little girl.

I'll always be your little girl.

No, you won't.

You're gonna start taking on
more grown-up responsibilities

and I have to let you.

Oh, I don't wanna be a grown-up,
I just wanna fly.

Well, actually, I wouldn't mind
a credit card too, you know,

so I can stop asking you for money.

We'll talk later about why
that doesn't make me feel better.

Oh, I'm so glad you're home, honey.

- How'd it go?
- She did great.

- Yeah?
- She listened. She's getting the hang of it.

I hate to say it,
but she did a little better than Justin.

Yep, you did better than me.

- Why are you winking at me?
- You're ruining it.

With a couple more lessons,
you'll be ready to get your carpet licence,

and then you can fly anywhere,

including to the store
to pick me up some pudding.

Which we never seem
to have enough of.

- Oh, thanks, Daddy.
- Sure, sweetie.

I don't know what you did, but thanks.

I didn't do anything.

Really?

I was watching the Mets game
the other day,

and there was a fly ball that went up
and never came down.

You wanna tell me something
about that?

It's...

Hey, I'm Selena, and you're behind
the scenes of Wizards of Waverly Place.

This is how we fly the carpet.

Watch where? Watch where?

Where? Everywhere.

Watch everywhere.

How can I watch everywhere?