01x09 - Movies

[bunniefuu]

- Oh, that was a great movie.
- Oh, yeah.

- Hey, come on, guys. One more time.
- Okay.

Oh, now, that is
what I call entertainment.

That had to be
one of the best movies ever made

about hockey-playing aardvarks.

It's too bad Justin wasn't here.

He would have loved
Russo Family Fun Night.

You know, I never thought I'd admit this,

but I'm actually jealous
of Justin right now.

What? I thought
you loved Family Fun Night.

I used to, but I'm now.

I think I'm getting a little too old
for talking-animal movies.

Oh, I get it. It's a confusing time.

On one hand,
you're not a little girl anymore,

and yet at the same time,
you're not yet a woman, so...

Awkward.

Theresa?

I think what your father is trying to say
is that no matter how old you get, honey,

you're never too old
to spend time with your family.

Exactly. Just look at your mother.

Did you just call Mom old?

What? No.

What just happened?

Who wants to sing another song?

I'm not getting involved.

Jerry, may I have a word with you
in the kitchen?

Yes.

Hey, I'm home. Did you guys miss me?

- Not really.
- What?

I don't know if you guys heard,
but I was out all night

with a bunch
of my new friends from school.

I know.
You told us like ten times before you left.

Yeah, they're from
an upper-level math class.

Kind of an older crowd,
so we totally lost track of time.

Sorry I'm late.

You're not late.

This is exactly when you said
you'd be home.

Is it?

Well, I didn't keep track of time,
because I don't have to.

It seems to me
like someone's a little jealous

that I'm old enough for some freedom.

Oh, please. I'm not jealous of you.

You told Dad you were jealous.

No, I didn't.

But you told Mom and Dad
you were jealous of...

Okay, thank you, Max.

Look, I could care less
about this nerd herd

you're running around with these days.

Face it, Alex, you're mad
because I'm more mature than you.

Mature?

You're the only one in this family
who still takes a bath.

You try floating an aircraft carrier
in the shower.

For an experiment.

One of the most important skills
for a young wizard to master

is the art of spell improvisation
or "make them ups."

Now, this is the ability to create
a brand-new spell off the top of one's head

in the moment of urgent need.

For example, Max,
what do you urgently need right now?

Bagpipes.

I wasn't listening.

Alex, let's give it a try.

Now, let's say
you haven't eaten for days

and you're in desperate need
of a sandwich.

What do you do?

I walk over to our sandwich shop
and have Mom make me a sandwich.

Okay, yes. But Mom's not here.

Where's Mom?

It's not important where she is.

She's gone. She left the country.

She left the country?
Why? Is she okay?

Yes, she's fine.

Well, if she's fine, I don't see why
she couldn't make me a sandwich.

All right.

Here, I've already written
one down for you.

Just read that and concentrate.

"Satisfy my empty belly
Make me a peanut butter and jelly"

You see what I just did there?

I just illustrated
the dangers of spell improv.

You have to choose your words carefully,
because in the wizard world,

they take you literally.

So when Max said,
"Make me a peanut butter and jelly,"

they made him
a peanut butter and jelly.

Oh, I get it. Let me try.

Although I like such tasty snacks
I'd rather have my brother Max

Hello.

Hey, thanks for not eating me.

Alex, you're a natural.

Thanks. That wasn't even true.

Dad, you think you could wrap this up?
I'm kind of in a hurry.

Oh, really? That's not like you, Justin.

You usually like to really marinate
in the magic.

I know, but my math friends
are stopping by the Sub Station.

For some stimulating conversation
about multiplying factorial equations.

How do you know
about factorial equations?

I don't know.
Oh, my goodness, you're contagious.

Guys.

That's them?
Where are all the math geeks?

Alex, we prefer
the term arithmetic buffs.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some
very important things to talk to them about.

Things you wouldn't understand.

And the big ball of yarn says,
"String theory."

I'm sorry. I couldn't help noticing,

but did you just laugh
at something Justin Russo said?

Yeah, I did.
I always laugh at what Justin says.

He's hilarious.

Really?

And would you describe yourself
as a very boring person?

No.

I was voted "least boring" in the
school yearbook for three years in a row.

Wouldn't that be "most exciting"?

Oh, no, that's Shawn Cunningham.
He's very exciting.

Hey, you're kind of funny.
I'll vote for you next year.

- Excuse me. Hi, I'm Alex.
- I'm Susan.

Tell me you're talking about
something incredibly lame right now.

Actually, we were just making plans

to see Nights of the Halloween
Sorority Party Disaster .

You mean
the new Ruby Donahue movie?

Yeah. It's the first horror movie
she's ever done.

I love Ruby Donahue.

Me too. She's a role model of mine.

I plan to follow exactly in her footsteps.

I'm gonna grow up
on a ranch in Montana,

start my own charity for something sad,

and then create my own
price-conscious beret line.

Have you heard her new CD
of sensitive but mildly angry rock songs?

- And she's like...
- No...

Okay, Alex.

My friends and I have some
very important things to discuss over here.

Hey, Susan.

Have you ever really considered
the concept of infinity? You know?

- I was just thinking about that...
- I can lend you the Ruby Donahue CD.

Thanks. Justin, I really like your sister.

I like you too.
And that other "least boring" guy.

- Oh, Zach Rosenblatt.
- Yeah, Zach.

We should all hang out
and call each other the Zach Pack.

Hey, Alex,
why don't we hang out over here?

Why? I'm talking to Susan.

You're never gonna be a member
of the Zach Pack.

Don't act like that's a real thing.
I just made that up.

You're my sister. You're not supposed
to be getting along with my friends.

I know, but I like them.
They're way more normal than I expected.

I'm as confused by all this as you are.

Just stay away from us, okay?
I mean it.

- Come on, Justin. You ready to go?
- Yeah.

Oh, hey, Mom.
My friends and I are going out for a while.

None of us have
legally enforceable curfews anymore,

so it's anyone's guess
when we'll be back.

Because I don't have to keep track
of time.

You'll be back before .

I do like to watch the local news.
They have a new weather girl.

Oh, she's...

Awkward.

There he goes. They grow up so fast.

Oh, honey. Are you all right?

Yeah. He'll be off at technical school
before we know it.

And Alex will be on leave
from the Air Force.

What?

It's just the discipline you need.
Please just read the pamphlets.

Oh, Maxy. Come here.

Give your mama a hug.

Promise me you'll never grow up
and leave me.

But I'm supposed
to be taking out the garbage.

Oh, no. You're our little baby.

Your daddy will take out
the garbage.

Me?

Fine.

- Thank you, Daddy.
- Oh, save it.

Oh, Susan. Hi.

Did you hear about
that new Ruby Donahue beret store

that opened in Brooklyn?

Yeah, me and Zach
were just talking about it.

Yeah, they have
a "gear for guys" section.

Because I was thinking
about going there later.

Actually, I was thinking
about doing anything,

because I don't have any plans.

What about you?
What are you guys up to?

Well, a bunch of us are going to see

Night of the Halloween
Sorority Party Disaster .

Do you wanna come with?

Who? Me? Really? No, I couldn't.

Oh, that's too bad.

All right, I'll be there.

Hey, guys.
How about the math homework?

Talk about your exponential decay,
am I right?

What are you doing here?

Nothing. I was just on my way to class

when I bumped into our friends
Susan and Zach.

Our friends?

Alex is gonna come to the movie with us.
Isn't that great news?

Yeah.

That's great news.
That's a totally unexpected surprise.

We'll see you both tonight.

Hey, do they make those berets in guys?

Don't we have some really nice friends?

Okay, what were you thinking?
Those are my friends.

It's an R-rated movie.

- You're not old enough to get in.
- Neither are you.

You don't worry about what I do
or don't do at the movies.

What's that, a fake ID?

Maybe.

- Don't give...
- No.

It's just a piece of construction paper
and a clipping of that weather girl I like.

You went in my room without asking.

Look, Justin,
why do you care if I go to the movie?

You're my sister. You're not supposed
to get along with my friends.

I know it makes you uncomfortable,
but it's out of my hands.

We don't choose our friends.

Yes, we do.

And for some reason,
you've chosen my friends.

Well, maybe they've chosen me.

I'm sorry,
but I'm going to that movie tonight.

Wasn't that a fun haircut?

You looked so handsome
sitting on that fire-engine chair.

Help me.

- No.
- No.

Hey, remember when you used to give
Max piggyback rides up the stairs?

That was like pounds ago.

Get on my back.

Oh, Dad, Mom.

Alex is trying to hang out with me
and my friends

even though they're years old.

Seventeen-year-olds? Alex, you're .

Listen, you'll have plenty of time
to hang out with -year-olds

when you get into an advanced math class
like your brother.

But I'll never get into Advanced Math.

I know that, honey.

That's why you're going
into the Air Force.

Okay, I'm late for a movie.

This is so not fair.

Listen, if you really wanna do
something tonight,

why don't you embrace
your fleeting childhood

and take Max out
for pizza and Skee-Ball?

I'm not gonna take Max out
to a bunch of dumb kid places.

I'm way too old...

You know what?

Pizza and Skee-Ball it is.
Let's go, little brother.

You're not taking me out
for pizza and Skee-Ball, are you?

No, I am not.

What are we doing here?

I'm gonna get into a movie
with Justin's friends,

and you're gonna go see
Icevarks again.

Yeah, but I already saw Icevarks.

Well, go crash that birthday party.

I'll bet they're giving away
the paddle with the ball attached.

I do like those.

Hey, guys. Wait up. I made it.

Oh, Alex. You're just in time. Come on.

Well, hold on, youngster.

Oh, it's okay. I'm with them.

Are you old enough to see this movie?

Oh, you flatter me.

Here.

You realise this says
you're years old, right?

And it's made out of construction paper.

Can't you just look the other way?

No. That would go against
the usher code.

Would a jacket that fits
go against the usher code too?

- Yes.
- I'm sorry, Alex.

If it makes you feel any better,
I'll take notes

and give them to you afterwards
like I do for Justin.

Like you do for Justin?

Yeah.

New high score.
That's what I am talking about.

Alex?

What are you doing?
You're not in the movie?

No. I'm not old enough.

And I don't plan
on breaking the law now.

Part of being a mature adult
is knowing when to follow the rules.

Well, part of being me
is ignoring the rules

and doing whatever I want.

I'm sensing you have a devious
and poorly thought-out plan

to get into this Ruby Donahue movie.

- I'm gonna ask you to leave me out of it.
- Gladly.

I'm old enough to hang with

Actress-model-spokeswoman,
Ruby Donahue

So get me into Night of the
Halloween Sorority Party Disaster

Where am I?

You're at the
Zeta Theta Beta sorority house, silly.

Home to the prettiest
and most popular girls on campus.

Is that Ruby Donahue over there?

No, silly.
That's Bambi, the sensitive one.

Just stay in character
and scream when it's your turn.

Oh, my goodness. I'm in the movie.

You're just in time.

We're about to have a super-fun
Halloween pillow fight in our pyjamas.

Aren't you a little old to be in a sorority?

Aren't you a little young?

Fair enough.

What's the matter? It's just the phone.

Why did the music get all scary?

Hey, what are you guys doing?
The movie's not even over yet.

Justin, that movie is way too scary.

There's some things in this life
that you can never un-see.

Well, where's Alex? She said
she was gonna catch up with you guys.

She never did.

But weirdly enough, there's an actress
in the movie that looks just like her.

- Really?
- Yeah.

She even sounded kind of like her.

And she was wearing
the exact same outfit as her.

Weird, right?

Yeah, weird.

What did you get
on that deductive reasoning test?

A .

Even weirder.

Would you guys excuse me
for just one moment?

Alex Russo has messed up
And put herself in a movie

Put me also in that movie

That didn't even sound like a spell.

Okay, what rhymes with movie?

Boovie, juvie, loovie. Plant.

Plant.

This is gonna take a while.

Hey, you're Ruby Donahue.

- Who are you?
- I'm Alex.

Are you the evil sorority sister who's
come back from the grave to punish us

for our cute but reckless destruction
of perfectly good pillows?

What? No.

I'm just a kid. I don't even know
what I'm doing in this scary movie.

Me neither.
This was all my agent's idea.

Oh, there's that music again.
Where is it coming from?

This is the part where I run screaming
into the steam-filled showers,

which have been left running
for no reason at all, so...

Oh, okay.
Well, it was nice meeting you.

You too.

No, screaming and running
towards the masked villain

is probably the worst way
to stay away from the masked villain.

Right.

... ln a groovy movie

A little s, but it worked.

Justin. What are you doing here?

What's it look like I'm doing?
I'm saving the day.

Oh, who are they?

My hero.

Oh, no, Jerry.
Hugs and Mrs. is sold out.

It's supposed to be Hugh Grant's
most romantic role to date.

Dear?

That's bunk.

That's bunk.

That's bunk.

- Jerry.
- Yes.

You know, honey, I was thinking,
we should see Icevarks again.

I'm telling you,
there's something weird going on

in Night of the Halloween
Sorority Party Disaster .

I know. I've seen that film times.

And then all of a sudden,
there are these new characters in it.

Maybe it's a director's cut.

Those characters of Alex and Justin
have such chemistry.

It's like they grew up together.

Oh, miss?

Two tickets for that disaster party
bingo Halloween thing, yeah.

Justin, stand up.

Forget about me, Alex. Save yourself.

Seriously, Justin. Just stand up.

Okay.

- Oh, Justin, do something.
- Why me?

- Because you're the older brother.
- What am I supposed to do?

- Improvise something.
- Right, okay.

We've had enough of all this fear
So hurry up and get us out of here

- What happened?
- We're in a basement.

Yeah.

In the basement of the sorority house
in the movie.

Dad wasn't kidding.

When you improv a spell,
you gotta say exactly what you mean.

He's still coming. Hurry!

Don't yell at me. I'm trying to think.

I'm scared of what might happen next
So take us to the Mondoplex

Are we back?

Yeah. It's the theatre lobby.
I think we're safe.

Sorry I got you into this. Literally.

It's all right. It was kind of fun
being in a sorority-girl movie.

Yeah, well,
it wasn't what I expected at all.

Well, maybe you were just trying
to grow up too fast.

I guess I was.

Sorry, and thanks for helping me out.

I won't hang out
with your friends anymore.

You won't tell anyone
I screamed like a girl?

I probably will,
but that's what little sisters do.

Oh, no, Justin. Look.

She's coming right for us.

Split up.

They can't get both of us. Go.

- It's just us.
- Psych.

Silly.